I suffered from the time I was quite young. I always felt like if I wasn’t around, who would even miss me? To this day at age 69+ I am still cursed to feeling this way. I just want to stay home most of the time.
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Wow, your daughter is struggling and you want to add to it by returning her gifts? That’s terrible.
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My Son has it ,
He want do these things .
Don’t punish, try talking to her mom, and when she speaks; by all means PLEASE LISTEN!
You yourself said it, she does have mental health issues.
So the big question is really the “only question” is the well-being of your immediate family, more important than the “eeh-being” of your extended family.
Your daughter is struggling with her mental health and you want to PUNISH HER???
she clearly needs therapy or some kind of counselling… shame on you wtf
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Please dont force her to go… or punish her for not wanting to go to this party by taking her gifts… my 15 year old daughter deals with mental health… took her awhile to accept it and is now in treatment 2 provinces away… her choice I’m glad she is coming to terms to face this …give your daughter time… be there for her support her …
Shes 15 your daughter be a parent put your foot down tell her shes going and if she wants to sit on her ass and be miserable while there that scca her choice. End of story be a parent .
Give her the gifts and let her stay home
I am 68. I don’t like going places. Let her be .
I wouldn’t punish her for not going. As a 15 year old girl, she does have a choice whether or not she wants to go somewhere. If she doesn’t feel comfortable going, she doesn’t have to. If she doesn’t feel like it’s good for her mental health, then she shouldn’t go.
I am 33 years old, I RARELY go to family functions because of my mental health and they are not good for my mental health. Much like this girl, my family doesn’t say two words to me, I barely even get a hello from most family members. Which is fine. But I shouldn’t be forced to go to family functions because it’s “family”, I was this way when I was a teen too.
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Respect her boundaries. She is also needing more support and help from you. Please do not underestimate the seriousness of the issue.
She might be having mental health issues , I suffered from that when I was in my teens . Just tell her you understand , sometimes teenagers just want to be left alone. Like , us adults we just aren’t feeling a good vibe off of people and we just stay away from it. But your the parent and make your own but a opened minded decision about it .
So you let her stay home. Problem solved 
Honestly, our sentimentality sometimes gets in the way. Maybe just tell her how much you love her and that she will be missed from the event immensely but you understand her not feeling social and should she change her mind you would love her to go. 
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I have major anxiety and I say make her go. Anxiety causes you to feel fear about things so if you make her go and nothing bad happens she might end up having a good time. I’d be more worried about leaving her home alone if she’s in this state.
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Mental health in older generations is not understood as well as it is to younger generations. We are open to it- we don’t turn a blind eye. Stay home with her. Watch elf and other Christmas movies. Or heck watch reality tv whatever she wants. Try to start up a conversation about what’s bothering her. Tell the family she’s sick and you’ll be staying home with her. Talk to her about seeing her family doctor about social anxiety.
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Maybe she just needs a Christmas Eve in with her own little family. Sometimes extended family can be too much, depression and anxiety can heighten sensory overload, a quiet quality Christmas could be really good to her.
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I’m betting she doesn’t provide much to keep the conversation going because no one talks about anything she cares about. She doesn’t have to engage in small talk to please others. Feel free to make her go but don’t get mad at her if she’d rather spend the time on her phone/alone.
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Id respect it. 🤷 Sorry. But she’s old enough to know she doesn’t want to do things. If she’s opening up to you, and telling you she really doesn’t want to go, then let her stay home.
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HER mental health should be YOUR top priority not whether or not yours or anyone else’s feeling are hurt…
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She’s 15. Put her skinny behind in the car and off you go.
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I would make her go only because I struggled the same when I was a kid and isolation makes it worse but definitely put her in therepy
I have 3 teenage sons. They all act the same way. They dont want to go to family events or do stuff with parents or younger siblings. This generation of kids want to stay home and play fortnite and listen to music and hang with friends. I don’t think this is mental health issue. Its typical teenage shit.
Maybe she finds the family toxic. If she doesn’t want to go…obviously STAY AWAY. It’s her mental health for goodness sakes. She doesn’t owe anyone ANYTHING
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Their just rebellious little shit heads so I say I’m not gonna make them miserable and their not gonna make me miserable. I’m gonna go and still enjoy myself and they will do whatever they want and then everyone is happy.
At 15 I let my daughter decide for herself what she wanted to do. She is now 20 and loves our family gatherings
Is she okay to be left home alone? This is a huge time for suicide attempts. Maybe someone should stay with her.
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She is old enough to stay home by her self
My son is 12 and he seems to be doing the same thing. I’m making him go no matter what. Cause then after they go to their dads for Xmas. So I told him he has no choice.
You’re the parent. That’s it. Maybe it’ll help liven her mood a little.
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Honestly I’d make her go. She’s a child. She needs to do as told. I used to do this same crap and now as an adult have many regrets. I missed a lot of valuable time with important people, time I’ll never get back. It really hurts especially this time of the year.
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Let her stay home if it upsets her hat much.
Mental health is not something to be taken lightly. Stay home with her. Cuddle up in a blanket and watch movies or talk to her about her interests. If my parents had taken more of an interest in me at that age and allowed me to make my own decisions I would not have ended up in therapy for years.
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Honestly I’m baffled to see how many moms are agreeing that she needs to be forced to go and this CHILD is being called a brat when the poster clearly acknowledges mental illness…
I need more information. Is there a diagnosis for one? Has she ever self harmed or been suicidal to the posters knowledge? Threatening to take away a child’s Christmas kuz you and your family will be upset makes me question who’s the bigger child. SHES TELLING YOU SHE NEEDS YOU AND YOUR NOT LISTENING!!! Maybe you’ll listen when she’s in a casket kuz mental illness is no joke! I lost a friend around the holiday season kuz nobody would listen to him… once someone dies suddenly the views change though. So what if you see family a couple times a year, that’s not her problem. Dig deeper and find out the problem before you have no more holidays with your daughter. Idk if this gets reported or anything, mental health is no joke. Go do some homework on suicide rates and the mental health scares out there.
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Listen to her feelings. I wouldn’t force her to go
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Don’t force her. If she’s more comfortable not going, you can’t make her and saying you’re gonna take something away from her bc she’s uncomfortable going is bs.
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I’d make her go. No one should be alone on Xmas Eve.( it’ll make her feel even worst if she is left alone ). She’s refusing help but being there no matter what is what she needs she may not know it yet.
You need to make her go. A few people have said you shouldn’t make her go cause of her mental health issues, but the thing about that is at this age they LOVE to PLAY You. She can’t blame everything on her mental health. I have bipolar disorder and bpd but I still get my butt out of the bed and do what I’m supposed to do. If you’re comfortable letting her stay home alone let her, but I would also try to get down to the reason she doesn’t want to go around them. Usually kid’s and teenagers love the holiday get togethers, so maybe someone has said something that’s bothered her?
Maybe ask if she will write a Christmas card to the family and allow her to stay home with the promise to check in a few times throughout the night. She is telling you she isn’t comfortable going. Have you asked her what the real reason is ? Saying no one talks to her may only be part of the reason. Please listen to her so she doesn’t resent family functions in the future.
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“She is refusing to get help” Are you the parent or is she? I refused help when I was a depressed teenager too. You have got to find a way to get through to her if she needs a therapeutic counselor. Maybe get her involved with a Youth Support Worker who she is more comfortable talking to.
But get her help for her mental health, that’s on you as the parent
Dont make her do things that are uncomfortable for her, it’s her christmas too.
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Shes 15 and struggling, I wouldnt force her. She just might not want to tell you why she really doesnt want to go…??
If these mental health issues include depression, it’s likely she’s just exhausted. Depression makes even the simplest things seem overwhelming. I don’t have any parenting advice as I’m not a parent, but I would recommend trying to accommodate her need for rest.
If her mental health is important to you then don’t make her go. Don’t take her presents away. Tell your parents she doesn’t feel well. She might not feel comfortable telling you the real reason why she doesn’t want too.
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Please do not force her to go
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She’s a child. She really doesn’t have a choice. If you say she goes then she goes. If she chooses to sit and pout in a corner somewhere then so be it. If you know she has mental health issues then you need to get her help. Again she is a child and has no say. It’s your responsibility to make sure she gets the necessary medical treatments not her choice.
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She should go and be thankful
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Mental illness is a serious problem. she cant refuse treatment. Shes a CHILD you’re the ADULT. Do not force her to go somewhere shes not comfortable.
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Maybe she doesn’t wanna go cause there’s someone there she’s not comfortable around.
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I am going thru about the same with my granddaughter .
She has been diagnosed with depression. And doesn’t want to go any where. We are in a bad way so my family and I are going to stay home this year. But not because of her depression, she is milking it and yours may be to if she doesnt want to go make her she needs to learn to fight her mental illness not duel or wallow in it. And don’t let her have her phone, that is a way to hide.
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You need to listen if she dosen’t want to go and you say your parents will be upset and you want to see everyone you could suggest that the gathering be switched to your house and that way its a win win. Everone gets to spend Christmas together. Your daughter’s not home alone and if she doeshave a change of heart she can decide on her own if she chooses to come out to visit. I know its a hassle and lot of work to move the celebration but this would please everuone in the long run. Just a suggestion. I hope yourdaughter gets the help she needs.
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I wouldn’t tell her you’re taking her gifts away that’s humiliating. I wouldn’t give her the choice. Are you sure she just doesn’t want to stay home because she has something else planned with a boy or something
Maybe you can off a compromise if you are willing. You are the parent so what you says goes in the end. I see both sides. She should go for at least a while and be kind and engaging. Then maybe she can leave a little early.
Shes 15. Let her choose if she wants to fucking go somewhere or not lol. This isnt a funeral, its Christmas EVE. Let her stay if she wants.
Ouch!!! The post and some of these comments. I wanna know how many negative people on this post actually suffer from anxiety, depression, or introverted tendencies? It’s physically exhausting for someone who deals with something like this. However, she needs help and she can’t refuse help if she’s 15. It took me years to get my 16 year old daughter help for anxiety, depression and claustrophobia… yes everyone gets depressed and some people do get over it. People that are clinically depressed don’t just get over it without help. Please get her help.
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Take her to get help. She may not be comfortable enough to tell you exactly why she doesn’t want to go. I know I’ve dealt with family who make remarks light heartily, not knowing it affects my anxiety and depression. She’s underage take her to seek help because honestly I isolated myself for so long to the point it got so bad that I accepted a toxic and abusive relationship because I thought that’s what I deserved. It’s a real illness. Take her now that she’s young.
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Idk how anyone else was raised but you r the parent…not her…sooo…yea…
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She’s a teenager, and sounds like she has social anxiety. It may not be what you’d like, but maybe she doesn’t feel like that’s her kind of thing to be a part of.
Christmas has been quite a depressing affair for me since my father left, and that’s been nearly 20 years ago. It hasn’t changed. I still feel horrid when December draws near. Even now with my own children I have to force myself to be happy and go to family functions that I’d rather not be a part of. Depression and anxiety sucks, and it’s hard to get through even with medication and counselling.
And she refuses help. Make an appointment for her with a counsellor or doctor and tell her you’re taking her for a drive. I didn’t get help until I was in my twenties, and I kick myself every day for not getting help sooner.
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She sounds depressed and depressed ppl have a hard time being around happy ppl. She’s having a hard time and taking away her presents etc will just make it worse. She was honest enough to tell u she doesn’t want to go. When I was in her situation I was 16 and I would’ve loved my parents to tell me we could leave early or if they would’ve told me its okay to stay home I would loved that too. It was crappy being around all these happy ppl and I have my own struggles and my parents just didn’t seem to understand just how badly I was affected. Anyways my grandma took over because my parents didn’t have the patience to deal with a troubled teen as they called me (not that I never got into trouble. Was a grade A student and literally a bookworm) . Thanks to my grandmother and 3 shrinks later by the time I hit 19 I was in a much better place.
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Oh no! This is our family young lady and we respect and love them as they do us! It is Christmas. This is a family holiday and you are an integral part of this family. Your family is here to love and support you even when you are unable to love yourself. So get your outfit picked out now. We’re leaving at 11:00 AM SHARP!!!
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You stated she has mental issues. Maybe going around a lot of people upsets her. You said she doesn’t like school but loves to learn. Your not helping her by making her go. Let her be for now, and please don’t use the gifts as punishment. That’s not an option. After first of year have a really good sit down talk with her, see about having a talk with a professional. God Bless
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15 yr old girls are strange creatures. She,s probably depressed. Can you take her home after a short visit. I call it the Greta Garbo effect. “I vant to be alone!”
I’d be willing to compromise. Have her go for a little while but be allowed to leave early or step away from the party. If she has a mental illness like depression or anxiety, being around a lot of people who expect her to be cheery and celebratory can heighten those feelings. Allow her to bring a book or headphones or something like that so she has her own little thing she can escape into if you aren’t willing to let her leave early. And definitely don’t let her blow off seeking treatment. You’re the parent. Don’t let her become a statistic!
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Don’t let her shut herself off from others. I really don’t think one night will effect her a ton. Allowing her to shut herself off from everyone will not help her.
Have you considered she may be dealing with social anxiety? If you already know, then you acknowledge she isn’t just being a brat, she is struggling and having a tough time relating right now. You could as her parent, insist she see a therapist or outside help for her own good but forcing social interaction may not be the best thing until you really know what all is going on with her. You could take all her gifts, I’m sure she will never forget that, you just have to consider whether or not you will regret that when she is an adult and has that memory.
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She’s at that age , tell her that she will upset her family. Tell her it’s Christmas tell her we will leave early if she wants to
She doesnt want to go cuz is boring… not because someone makes her uncomfortable…I would make it so the house is more boring and her choice will be to go. Take away all electronic devices and see what kind of kid you get!!! Cell phones and tvs computers all get shut down and taken away. Fine you dont wanna go it’s your choice but I’m not rewarding that choice with ways to entertain yourself at home is what I would do and say! Then she really will know what boring is and at family gatherings cellphones should not be allowed for teens they shut down to everyone around them and focus solely and primarily on what they have in their hand instead of the company that is around them. Her not interacting with her family is why they are “boring”…
If she was feeling bad because of her physical health, you wouldn’t think twice about her missing it, punishing her is simply wrong. Treat mental health issues the same as physical ones. A lot of times it’s harder to deal with. Anyone who loves her should understand, or at least respect it. Do not force her.
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I’m just not sure why you’re asking her… she’s 15, it’s not an option
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She does not get a choice !! She is going end of issue .
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i wouldn’t return her gifts because she has mental health problems and is struggling that would be wrong… as a 22 year old who has had mental illness since i was 13 this is my opinion.
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She doesn’t feel well going. She doesn’t go with your full blessing. That is how a good parent would handle it.
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My 20…14…or 11 year old aren’t comfortable with something and it doesn’t hurt anyone. Then it’s their choice to make.
We expect our children to become critical thinking- independent people…yet we try and control them???
It’s one or the other people. Fucking figure it out and get on the ball!
How can you punish her from her mental illness issues? That’s basically what you are doing! Maybe talking to her alone an allow her to explain what’s going on in her mind. Mental health issues cause a lot of things like this I deal with them but no need to punish her!
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Taking her gifts will not help her, it my even worsen what ever she is dealing with
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If she doesn’t want to go and she’s expressed she doesn’t care to take part in it then I wouldn’t make her. U stated she has mental health issues so basically you’re punishing her for something she can’t control and forcing her to suffer even more.
Possibly let her know how much you and the family want her to be part of it but let her know u understand she doesn’t care to be. And leave it alone.
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if it was my child, I wouldn’t force her to go.
If she has anxiety, forcing her to go to a place with a lot of people, idle conversation is painful for her. I don’t think she is trying to be disrespectful
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I’m sorry but when I was a teen, there was no option. We went as a family. What is the difference if your teen sits on their phone at home or somewhere else? That’s all most teens do anyway nowadays. And you arent really clear on what type of mental health issues. Maybe you shouldn’t leave her home alone, you never know what can happen.
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What is important is that if she stays home, please let her know that she is missed and maybe next time you can work something out. 15 is a tough age… Family is for the good times and bad.
She probably has social anxiety. Why punish her for having social anxiety?
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Well now I understand why so many kids are committing suicide and turning to drugs. The mother already validated that her daughter is having mental health issues. She didn’t come on her saying she’s acting out or being a defiant teen. SHE IS ILL and needs a mental health day! Just like a sick day. The women on here putting this child down and calling her names like “snowflake” and thinking using parental dominance as a solid healthy option is sickening. Who gives a flying fuck about what holiday it is or the day of the fucking year! Your child’s life is more important and if that means her family (grandma and uncles/aunts) decide to hold on to their gifts till she wants to come over then so be it. I have missed many holidays and family get togethers due to mental health and have set up another day to get lunch with just my grandparents or stop over at my aunt’s house and visit and exchange gifts when I was well again. They understand that it’s better to be loving and support of my entire health: mind,body and spirit then all joining together at my funeral.
YES teens can be difficult but if parents don’t start to learn to sit down and communicate openly and honestly to their kids about their life and health, even mental health and be empathetic we will be SOL for any caring, understanding people in this world and the drug and alcohol and suicide rates will continue to rise.
You think if you went to a therapist, doctor or clergy person they would say…yep just a teen being a teen and you mom are just creating a little snowflake…put your foot down, force your child to do something that they trusted you to validate their pain and feelings and show them who has the power. FUCK IT take their gifts away…that will totally help her issues that you brought to us about!
i’m baffled by the ignorance of some of you on here!
how about you try and see your child’s perspective and think about how much you love to be forced to do anything, even as an adult!!!
If you know she is struggling, she should be your #1 priority. Maybe being around everyone is overwhelming for her.
Is there an option to change your venue?? Maybe doing your holiday celebration in your own home would be a better option for her needs. This way the family can be together and she still has a place like her bedroom for which she might be able to resort to if things are to stressful. Taking her gifts is just a form of you hurt me ,so I will hurt you… and that’s what you will be teaching her…love is unconditional… be the support she needs not the hammer that brings her down…
Your daughter’s mental health and well being is more important than the opinion of the family. As someone suggested maybe arrange for the family to meet at your house that way if your daughter needs time out she can retreat to her bedroom. It is critical that you take the time to really listen to your daughter that you acknowledge her feelings and where she is at. Adolescence is a difficult time and having mental health issues on top of that, I can understand why your daughter does not feel up to going to the family function.
If your child tells you they’re uncomfortable with family, don’t force them to go. If she’s already struggling with mental health issues, making her do something will only make things worse. And threatening to return her gifts will also make things worse. Tell her you’re there for her and that she doesn’t have to go. If she’s dealing with her mental health, maybe it’s hard for her to keep the conversation going. Or the family isn’t actively trying to talk to her about things that actually interest her. Teenagers aren’t going to ask for help with their mental health. They’re going through so much that they think it can’t be helped and don’t want to waste their time or anyone else’s. Let her stay home. It won’t kill anyone and she’ll feel better knowing she wasn’t forced to be around people that don’t enjoy her company or even act like they do. Tell your family that she isn’t feeling well if you have to. But forcing teenagers to do unnecessary things just pisses them off more and will push them away in the long run. Being a teen is hard and people discount that like they don’t remember how rough it was.
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You was raised by your dad and mom my don was my best friend
No, your top priority should be finding out why… There may an underlined issue that should be addressed. 15 yr olds should be able to be told what to do. Why can’t you get yours to listen to you? Prayers and well wishes to you and your family this season 
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Our kids followed us ,no questions asked ,it was traditional ,and we all got dressed up and enjoyed themselves ,we did not have to force them ,nowadays Parents are afraid of their kids ,there is no respect …we were and are a family ,we stick together
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Not for me to judge but I dont think she shoukd be pushed to go…She is 15 and old enough to make some choices for herself. I think you want her to go for you; sometimes we just have to respect our kids wishes, they are people too.
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I understand its Christmas but dont force your daughter into a situation where she is going to be very uncomfortable.
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And threatening taking her gifts; thats not going to win you much respect, but more likely resentment. Each Mum to their own? They don’t come with a written book of instructions. I wouldnt handle it that way though.
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Times really has changed.
I’m 31 now but when I was 15 my mom told us where and how to go. We saw her as an a authority that we all respected. I still see her that way, and I’m the most thankful she was that way. I can’t understand how parents nowadays are so so afraid of their kids. You are the mom. You are supposed to be the authority. 15 years old still a kid.
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My sister has adopted 7kids many of them with some sort of physiological/ mental issues. The kids always come to the family gathering if they like it or not. We always try to include all the kids in games, crafts & conversation. Sometimes they pop out of it, sometimes they sat around on their phones. Either way they know we loved them even if they were being asses!
I say make her go but warn your family what mood/ issues shes having.
What would you do if she had the flu ?
Having dealt with a 15 year old who did the same thing, guess what it’s called being spoiled, put your foot down and make her get help and make her go. She needs to learn to get over things now or she never will. Today kids are more about drama then anything and expect us to kiss their asses, I for one won’t. Tell her you’re taking her to get help, doesn’t matter what fit she throws, make her go.
I felt this way my entire life. Usually once im their for a bit it’s fine. Ultimately you’re the parent, so she just needs to go. You can’t shelter her forever. maybe just go for about an hour so she isn’t totally overwhelmed.
Don’t force her to go. Her mental health is struggling right now and forcing her to be in a situation that’s uncomfortable will only make it worse. Talk to her, I’m sure there’s more than just “it’s boring”. She’s afraid to tell you the truth and hurt your feelings.
I never had a choice on where I went and what I did. I don’t think it warrants taking back her gifts you got her, just be a parent and don’t give her an option.
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Don’t force her here. I was forced. I’m an adult and now despise the holidays. They’re traumatic for me. They drain my energy and noone truly understands this. Had someone listened to me, heard me perhaps things would be different. I hate them, the holidays,. Listen to daughter. Talk to her. It’s not always about just being an obstinate adolescent.
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There are things we all have to do in life that we don’t like. In my book it is not her decision at 15 to say she is not going. Until she is able to put a roof over her head and food, she still has to have some rules she has to live by. Just my Opinion.
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