Don’t make her go. She’s 15… If her mental health can’t handle the people then by forcing her you are telling her that her mental health takes second fiddle to what other people WANT.
Ask if she wants to see any of them & invite them over at a later date
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I know if it was my boyfriends 16 year old daughter who was having a rough time, I’d have her back.
I’d explain the benefits of going, I’d try to encourage it, but you shouldn’t be forcing her to do anything or using gifts as leverage. If she really didn’t want to go, I’d be staying right there with her and making sure she knew she was loved. She would also have to understand if she is feeling like this it would be in her best interest to speak with somebody professionally.
It’s not about letting her “get away” with everything, but simply finding a common ground.
Teach her you hear her cries for help, and teach her you will support her when the going gets tough. Teach her how to help herself.
Your family should also understand not everything is always going to work out perfectly.
Christmas is just a day, I’m sorry to say it but it’s a day. It can happen today or next week and it would be the same. I think you’d be surprised how much she would come around if she knew she was supported.
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Let her stay home. Forcing someone into something isnt the way to get anything positive.
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She goes and afterwards when all is said an dine maybe get her in to a doctor or someone to talk but ultimately she is 15 Christmas is tradition just make her go your the parent!
Does she have a dominating boyfriend, just a thought.
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As a mom to 7 kids who all went through hell by having a abusive dad who was a drunk to sometimes it takes hard love
And if you listen to so called parents now days all there kids have mental health problems
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Your daughters mental health is most important. If she doesn’t want to go don’t make her, also I would get her into a therapist.
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I struggled deeply with mental health as a teenager and your entire post made me extremely upset. You are blaming her for her mental illness. Stop being an ass. Listen to your daughter. She doesn’t want to go. Don’t make her go. Don’t punish her for having feelings.
Punish her for a mental illness coping mechanism that you don’t like ? Ouch.
You’re not going to win that war. She shouldn’t have to be forced into conversations that she doesn’t want to have.
I am sorry. But as someone who has a parent who does the same crap to me even as a grown ass adult, I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas or events with someone who threatens to remove shit to get what they want.
A holiday is not for family. I rather not take her and get mad when she is there and acts up.
I would have been like “last time I checked you aren’t 18 and supporting yourself. So if you want these gifts then your going”.
Honestly it was like that for me growing up every one was either older then me or to young for me to relate to my mama would force me to go and i honestly hated it because yeah it’s time to spend with family ECT ECT but in the long run not all family members relate even if the same age so why make her go if she feels like an out cast ? On the other hand yoi can have her go and set her up with a family member that you know has the same interests as her and causally bring it up while talking to both so they might continue the conversation and sje doesn’t feel “out casted” or " left out"
Sorry, there’s no way any 15 yr old or under the age of 18 if I’m providing for them; will they give me an option of not going anywhere with the family. Put you your foot down, as far as gift sometimes it’s more than gifts to get these kids & teens to pay attention to any parent.
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She’s 15, why is there a choice?
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I wouldn’t make her go.
She should just suck it up. Just go and leave early? Idk
At 15 I would have told her she has no choice. My son at 10 doesn’t want to go places but I tell him to suck it up and get his shoes on. Like you said it’s only a couple time a year. She can suck it up.
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Your daughters mental health is more important than you looking good for your parents which is what it looks like all this is about to me! Take her presents back all because she doesn’t have the energy or patience to go? This is where parents fail. Your children’s mental health is just as important as their psychical!! Listen to your daughter she’s obviously telling you something. Sad you wanna take stuff away from her because she’s very obviously struggling in her mind right now. This entire post disgusted me I’m sorry … you’d regret trying to force ur daughter to do something and then her snapping and turning to suicide. Mental health is so fucking important. More parents need to realize this and QUICKLY.
Make her go. Sit with her include her in conversations. I was like her when I was young and it made me very antisocial and I still struggle with being able to hold a conversation. Make her go, its for her own good
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Sometimes they don’t want to go because they have other plans. I was 15 once myself. If you think she does not have any plans made can let her stay home. But if you know her and this could possibly be the reason I would not let her stay home. It’s only for a few hours it’s not the end of her life. Just my thoughts
My daughter is 11 no mental health issues just an unnecessary attitude…everyone is different…saying that a family function is boring for a 15yo is an understatement but it’s not her choice there are choices we make as parents for our children and their feelings are not necessarily a priority when making those decisions you make the best one for yourself and your family… not seeing your family cause your 15 and it’s boring is not an valid reason
Maybe you should listen to your child. Kids need mental health days too. It’s quite possible that the holidays are too chaotic for her and that has to be ok. No one should get angry at someone for not wanting to do something that makes them uncomfortable.
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Hopefully her grandparents have many more years to live, but such things are not guaranteed to anyone. If she is so emotionally fragile, God forbid that she should have to live with the guilt of them dying without ever getting to see her again. Only you understand her mental condition, but if she was mine I would take her until she signaled me that she had to leave. Prearrange the signal. Of course she will go unwillingly and signal you in 10 minutes. Take her home. The next day let her open her stuff. Then put them in your room, remove all electronics from her life, and send her to her room to recharge mentally. Leave her there, door opened but not bothered, until it’s time for dinner. Feel better now? Shower and dress to eat. If she is still mentally tired, she can wash dishes with nobody around to make her tired. But NO privacy in her room. That door stays open for your instant access 24/7 until she sees her therapist again. Remind her that it’s much worse in inpatient treatment situations.
As far as her mental health you may check into getting her on a good probiotic. There are so many problems that we have that are linked to our poor gut health. I’m not affiliated, but I read about another mom who sells plexus and had a daughter the same age (15) and was having similar difficulties. She got her on a few products from plexus and her daughter is in a much healthier and happier state.
Yeah my 15 y/o son is like this. Just a to cool teenager but we just had a family get together with family that lives far… He did not want to go but it was NOT an option. He went! He is a child and will one day wish he was there
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If she is struggling with mental health issues I wouldn’t punish her by threatening her with taking her gifts away. I would put the focus on finding a way to get her help. Don’t force her to do things like a family gathering while she is struggling. Just explain to her that she can stay home but after the holidays you want her to talk to a counselor at least once so she can see if she does need/want the help. Mental health can be very sensitive.
I would also insist she go. 15 year olds don’t know what’s best for them, and if you let her get out of going to this, you are opening a whole new problem. Most teenagers don’t want to attend family outings. That is a very widely known fact. I threw a fit each time i was forced to go, and i also had a great time. Actually. Those holidays spent with family are so precious to me now. If i had been given the choice, i would not have those wonderful memories! Family is everything!! Life is full of responsibilities and other obligations that all of us would rather not deal with! So force her to go! Tsll her its what a good parent does. Show her its how you handle the unpleasant parts of life…you still show up and give it your ALL to make the best out of it. She will have a better time than she would ever imagine. Good luck!!
your daughter is probably an empath who can sense everyone’s energy. go ask her that… you can message me after… lots of groups to follow so she can further underatand what she’s feeling🙏🏼
I wouldn’t want some of you as patents noy giving kids a choice.
She’s 15 just about everything is boring… It shouldn’t be a choice. She is still a child.I know 15 can be a hard age for some but one day she will miss the family she has that love her & want her around. She is still a child " not a baby" its not up to her, it shouldn’t be.
Why not ask your parents over for Xmas dinner instead of a party. Not everyone likes a huge group of people around, I certainly didn’t and still don’t. She gets to stay in where she’s most comfortable and they can visit her too.
Get her mental issues checked too, refusing to get help is not an option. She’s 15 not 18. Don’t get at that now then she will be worse down the road
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Make her go. One day they wont be alive any more and she will regret it even more. Make her go.
I feel like children/ adolescents who open up about their mental health are never taken seriously. Christmas is not about the day, it’s about family and what matters most. You literally carried this child in your body and nurtured her, if she is saying that she is not okay, she is not okay. Stay with her, spend time with her, make her feel loved and appreciated. Speak love into her, and show her how much she means to YOU. With time she will heal and be open to being around other family members. A person struggling with mental health can feel very lost and like just a number in big events. Listen to her like you wish someone listened to you when you were younger
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Make her! I regret allowing my daughter to make the decision not to attend family events. Now as an adult she doesnt feel like she has a relationship with them. I have failed her.
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That doesn’t sound like depression. If she can socialize with “a great group of friends” she can socialize with her relatives. It sounds more like a disrespectful/selfish issue. Make her go.
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Pick your battles. She’s just guna sulk and ruin your night. Go without her and have fun.
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She just wants to rub one out alone
As someone who has struggled with mental health issues since I was 19…GET HER HELP! Don’t give her the option, she’s 15 and I’m assuming living under your roof? Once she is 18, there’s nothing you can do. YOU are her mother & only advocate, don’t give her the option.
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It shouldn’t be an option when it comes to family. She’s a child and should participate.
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Did she end up going ? Id make her go also
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Negotiation talk to each other and come up with a solution you both agree to give and take. Be fair teenagers brains are still developing. If she goes maybe you and her could have a mom and daughter dinner date later at a restaurant she wants to go to. Just and idea. Be calm and treat her with respect because she is getting older. Let her know she can talk to you about anything
At fifteen she’s old enuff to decide if she wants to go to get togethers or not. I was around that age wen I was given that option. I don’t see her not wanting to go as being disrespectful and I think it’d b wrong for u to withhold her gifts. Especially if she does have depression issues. But that’s my opinion…
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Compromise and say if you promise to allow me to arrange to help you help yourself with mental health you can stay home. Mental health issues suck, teenagers often dont know how to express or explain how they feel or why they feel it it just is and its better to start now than them have to fix themselves at 25 when they’re ready and in a pit on their own.
She is only 15 what you say should be it also it sounds like she needs to talk to a professional get her help
Don’t make her go. She shouldn’t be forced to go places if she doesn’t want to
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Oh sweet lord! I was this child! I hated going to family events like this when I was in a dark place. I wish I had a mother who would have just said it’s fine and understood that. Sometimes when things get tough as adults and we cant make sence of things in our heads and we are invited to things, we often times dont go because we would rather be home in our own safe place so we can think and take some time to decompress and reevaluate. Me I know when I get that way all I want is for someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay and just sit there in silence with me and watch movies until I’m ready to talk about things. You need to be there for your daughter, make it a few hours to where you just sit there with her and be just be there for her. Yes, you might want to go because you only get to se them a few times a year and you dont know if that’s going to be the last time you ever get to see them again. But how would you feel if that was the last holiday you got to spend with your daughter? Things do happen. You need to be there for your daughter, dont be hard on her for having a bad day or a bad week or a bad month. We all get that way and all we need is for someone to hug us, be there for us, and tell us everything is going to be okay. Just because shes a child doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel the same things we do.
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Let her stay home
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Drema merry, Christmas 
to,from, debra
Time to put ur foot down. Sounds like u should get her some counseling too. She doesn’t want to go, oh well. Make her. Take her phone and everything she enjoys away if she refuses. She will go eventually
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I’d let her stay home but make her get help
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Honestly, I’ve been that kid. && not too long ago. I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to socialize… even with family. Family events were boring to me because all I wanted to do was be left alone. I love my family, I always have. But, sometimes we can’t appreciate what we have && I feel like that’s exactly what she is going through.
Don’t take offensive to it, don’t punish her for feeling like this and not wanting to go… but, I wouldn’t give her a choice.
I would make her go, because even if she is miserable at first… she will have little moments of happiness. Those little moments make a big difference.
I don’t know how depressed your child is, and I don’t know if she would even ever do this. But, when I was left alone… I would self harm in anyway possible. I would cut and, burn myself. I would do whatever. && when I was made to do something, like this, it helped. It got me out of my head.
It’s Christmas and she needs to be with family no matter what.
Anyway, make her go. She will appreciate it one day.
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Let her take a mental health day. It’s literally one day and family should be understanding. It should be an event or gathering that is looked forward to not forced to go to and hated. I would suck it up and choose to do something she wants to do, even if that’s laying in bed watching a movie. The holidays are about family yes, but that also includes your daughter…not just the ones you dont see daily.
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I wouldn’t ask her I would tell her you r going
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I’d leave her at home. She’s going to have attitude, be miserable, and why ruin other people’s good time?
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Taking away the gifts will make it much worse and will push her away. Forging her to go to family gatherings shouldn’t happen. Yiu should have a very calm talk with her. Sometimes people are introverts and can’t handle a lot of social interaction or noise.
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I guess I’m different from everyone else here, but I wouldn’t force her to go. I would explain why it’s so important to me that she does. I’d then provide a listening ear for why she doesn’t. If it really is just about conversation and feeling left out…that’s a pretty valid excuse. I don’t wanna go anywhere I feel like I don’t belong either. And sure it may seem she does little to contribute to convo and such, but maybe that’s because she doesn’t feel herself around the family. Being a teen is hard. Being a teen with mental health issues is harder.
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She’s also 15 and old enough to stay home.
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You are the parent, your word is law. My children hated going to church, and I made them, you are the parent, teach them everything that is good, you will be rewarded in the future. My babies are in their 20’s and 30’s and they always thank me, they know God, and a hundred other things I taught them, they’d scream and cry, misbehave at church, when I didn’t respond 2 them they’d calm down. You are a parent and a teacher, don’t take her presents away, that will not come out well. Do everything calmly, no yelling or raised voice, tell her you have to powerful words YES and NO, no maybe, you’ll think about it, just YES and NO
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Yep, she needs to deal with it…it’s the right thing to do. Period…
I guess I’m that parent who wouldn’t make my 15 year old go. I have open communication with both of my children and they know they can talk to me about anything, no matter what it is and we will figure it out. My daughter has social anxiety at times due to being bullied in school, so if my daughter isn’t feeling comfortable or if she doesn’t want to go, I’m not going. Yes, I love my family but I love my children more. Sometimes, we have to show understanding in order to get understanding. I would never tell my kids that if they didn’t go somewhere to be with family that I would take their stuff I got them back. I’m that black sheep of my family and I know what it’s like for no one to talk to you or feel awkward because you “had” to go. I’ve been to an uncle’s house and my cousin push me in a mud hole and hold me down just because we came over and ruined her fun. I was much younger. When I came in crying, my parents asked what was wrong and I told them nothing as she laughed. I hated going to anyone’s house after that. You never know why someone doesn’t want to go even if they say it’s boring. There could be other reasons and they don’t feel comfortable telling you.
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She comes to family functions. You do not return the gifts. One has nothing to do with the other. She goes to school and attends class and gets good grades. She stays after school to get special help with classes if she’s not doing well. If you have to go and sit in the class with her that’s a decent threat. But follow through. She will go to counseling. Because you will make her. Children her age have no idea what is good for them. Bad behavior is not rewarded. Try to ignore it. Good behavior is rewarded. Get some parenting classes for yourself. Because they really will help you out.
It’s one day in the yeast she’s required to interact with family. She can veg tomorrow.
Holidays are meant to be spent as a family. This would be a non-issue because it is understood from a young age that family functions are not optional. And my family, this was instilled in myself and my siblings for many Years. Encourage her to be courteous and say hello. If she wants to sit in a corner and read a book, then she can feel free. My cousin’s daughter did the same thing at my parents house last night. Nobody bothered her pretty much all evening. She’s definitely more of an introvert.
I would tell her to do it for you,
I agree, Christmas is for family,
She’s the kid, you’re the parent. Make her ass go
We all have to do things we may not want to…but Christmas is a time for family and if this family isn’t toxic or anything like that then why give her the option? I know when i was 15 it was expected and not an option but there were very few times that i DIDN’T wanna go…she’ll survive 1 night, you’re the parent…
I think that you’re trying to force her to ignore her emotional needs. Why does she have to ignore her emotional wellness in order to make someone else happy? If you’re going to force her to do something, make it something that might help her, such as therapy… Please don’t teach her that she needs to please others and forgo her mental stability. I too struggle with mental health issues, and sometimes it is just too much to even get dressed for the day, much less attend a function with family that I don’t know very well.
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Why force her? You made it clear she’s been having a hard time. Give her some space, let her know her feelings are valid & this family function does not trump her mental state.
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At this point it is more important for you to find out what your daughters is, let her stay home you and the other family members to you parebra house, if they real parents
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Forcing her to go just shows her that your feelings and the feelings of your parents trump her feelings. Taking away her gifts is just rubbing salt in the wound.
Get her help though. That is one thing that you should be forcing her to do.
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I think her mental health is more important than other people’s disappointment.
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I think you should let her be. You forcing her to go is not gonna change her attitude about it. You’re just forcing unwanted negative energy at this Christmas eve dinner.
The problem is that there is not communication between you and your daughter and that’s why she’s really not telling you why she doesn’t wanna go.
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Don’t pressure her to go. All that will happen is more stress and if she is already struggling with mental health issues, you telling her she has to go to a family event or her gifts will be returned is not wise. I struggled with mental health and due to my own personal reasons, I did not seek counseling either, didn’t feel like I could. Family events always made it more stressful and hard for me. Your daughter is 15, and while I agree that she will need to learn how to handle things and move forward, now is not the time to be issuing threats. Her family should be there to support her, not tell her to deal with it and move on. Being in an environment that she doesn’t want to be in, for whatever reason, is not healthy at all. There could be underlying issues why she doesn’t want to go to a family event and she is afraid to tell you or thinks that she can’t tell you. As her mother, she should be your priority, not if your family will be mad that she doesn’t want to go to an event. Be there for her, she is your family now and she needs you more than you need to be at an event that might just be more than what your daughter can handle.
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I’d try to find out why she really doesn’t want to go. It could be she’s just being lazy or it could be serious. None of us are as equipped as her own mother to know her natural instincts. Mom, you know in your heart of hearts what your child needs…don’t ignore it.
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If your point is that family matters; stay home with her, and tell the grandparents she is not well, as to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding.
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Omg omg… Is there an actual reason she doesn’t want to go??
Parents saying I wouldn’t give her a choice… Yeah force her to be around people who make her feel invisible or possibly more sinister.
I give my kids benefit of doubt.
If only grown ups listened to me when I tantrum cried to not go to grandpa’s or uncles places… I’m 41 now and the installed horror mind visions of what happened still occur.
Have a serious chat. She is 15 and old enough to not be forced to go anywhere.
I had a cousin tell me he witnessed what happened and told adults and they did nothing!! The abuse continued for years. As a child you don’t speak up. You act out.
Its disgraceful the amount of people saying it’s a family function and she doesn’t get a say. Wow. Just wow.
Let her stay home. She is obviously going through something, so she needs time and space. Let her know you’re there for her and that you love her.
Maybe showing her that you’re a control freak by taking her presents away won’t help!
Surely explaining that however tedious some of these functions are at her particular age, she’s making an important memory & it would mean the world to you if she comes along 
Ok, she has some mental health concerns. They are not a valid reason for you to allow her to be disrespectful to you & your family by not attending a family event.
Yes, mental health is real, as long as she is in your your home, your responsible for her to receive treatment. Even if it is counseling just as a starter.
I am just wondering why she don’t want to see family mabie with her saying is boring may just being one off her excuse so she don’t have to say what really the problem could be
My son suffered from mental health issues growing up never wanted to go to any family gathering. I always made him go and didn’t care how mad he got at me I was not taking a chance of leaving him home alone. We got him put into therapy and he is now 18 and thriving in life.
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She’s 15 who’s in charge here you or her ? She should not have an option besides staying home if she’s depressed is certainly not a good idea. Just saying…Happy Holidays
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Do not force her to go!!! When you have depression & anxiety being forced into things only make it worse!!! You don’t want her to hate you & her dad!!! Being 15 is hard enough without being depressed!!! Stay home with her, show her that she is what is important!!! Family should understand!!!
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Dear well intentioned mother,
I know this situation is difficult to deal with, but perhaps I can shed some light on this situation. You see, my brother suffers from specific mental health issues, so when he’s around groups of people (mainly family) for longer periods of time, he becomes uncomfortable and it becomes overwhelming. It’s easy for people like us to get together with family that we haven’t seen in awhile, but you have to understand that for them, it’s a very different feeling. I would be as supportive as possible. I would have her go, but make a deal with her that as soon as it becomes overwhelming, that she can go home. If someone in the family doesn’t want to leave the party early to bring her home, then a member of the family can call her an Uber or Lyft ride home. That way everybody wins, and at least the family will get to see her/you’ll all be together for a period of time. I hope this helps.
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Not a parent but I would say make her go. You never know when it will be the last time you see a family member.
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Just be there with her, if she really truly wants to stay home… Maybe just stay with her and have a great Christmas Eve with her. Maybe she just wants the one on one time with her and she will feel a great love from you for picking her, instead of tradition… just this once. Maybe just cuddle her on the sofa and see if she starts to talk to you maybe she will feel alot better because of such a small gesture to her.
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You are the parent, end of. If she doesn’t want to go she doesn’t get presents. She cannot have everything her way, the time for that will come.
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We make our 16 year old sometimes depressed and socially awkward daughter go and if she wants she can walk in say hello and then go sit in the car. But she must go.
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My niece also struggles with depression and anxiety. Her perception of how others treat her is a trigger for her. Her parents (my brother) celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary in Sept. and my niece and nephew were to spend the weekend with us. My niece (just turned 16) and I have a wonderful relationship and we are very close but a minor incident at church caused her to withdraw and spiral into her manic depressive state. We tried to allow her time to process what happened and get her to see the reality of the situation, not the perception. It worked for like an hour and as we attempted to grocery shop, she told me she couldn’t go inside the store, so we sat in the car. She eventually asked to go home and once I called my sister in law, they canceled their plans. I know mothering a child with mental health issues is exhausting. I think at her age you can maybe talk to her and come to a compromise. Maybe agree to leave at a certain time. I have 1 kid who is ASD and another pending diagnosis, but I’ve had to reprogram my way of thinking and parenting and include them in some decisions. And they are just 6 and 5. Certainly not the way I was raised, and I get questioned about my parenting methods but bottom line, these are my kids and I know the state of their mental health. I raised where kids are to be seen and not heard, and any type of discussion is considered talking back. Good luck mama and here’s a hug for you.
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If you tell her “no presents” actually stick to it. It is a family holiday, therefore family will go. She is more than welcome to sulk in a corner if she chooses but she will be there.
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At 15 yrs old I would make her go. If she is truly struggling with mental health I would be more concerned about her harming herself while everyone is gone.
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You are the parent. She is only 15 she has no choice. It’s not going to harm her she will be okay. Bring her with you and spend time with her talk to her at the party and hang out with her. Help her engage help serve or clean etc to keep busy. She must go she’s a child they don’t have much of a say that’s how we were raised my mom was a single mom and whatever she said goes! Good luck!
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Pull the parent card and make her go. Not everything is about her. She’s part of a family and there’s people who love her and want to see her
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Acknowledge how she feels so she know she is being heard, But then explain how sometimes we do things for other people and that’s important, and this is one of those times. Explain that she has to go, if not for herself then for you and your parents. If she wants time alone explain there are other days for that, and then honor it when she asks for a down day.
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Being a child that was forced to go to family things i didnt want to. I ended up with severe depression and anxiety. Shes old enough to make her own choices on family get togethers
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We had similar issues when our oldest was this age. We didn’t offer punish ment but we also didn’t give her options of staying home. Bottom line at 15 you are still a child and I am still the grown up. She always ended up enjoying herself once she got there.
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Do not force her to go. Depression is a horrible and terrible thing to be going through. I wouldn’t want to be hanging around a bunch of people celebrating the holidays either let her be and just tell her you love her and you understand.
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She needs to go. When we are depressed, it is our instinct to isolate ourselves, which makes it worse. Then get her to a shrink! She is only 15, you are her parent. You make the rules!
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