My 16 year old daughter is in the same boat. I don’t make her go and if I want her to go her and I go for a walk and hang by ourselves a bit. Then we go back in and do it again if she needs to. If not her anxiety goes crazy but for her to know that you are trying to help her will help set her mind at ease even if only for awhile. Sending Prayers and Love
11 Likes
I agree. She is 15 and needs to do family events. Like it or not. Plus staying home alone isolates her and being alone and depressed is not a good combination.
3 Likes
I would use some tough love, make her go but make sure she is included and she is having a good time. watch for signs of distress ect.
I would look at it that the family is staying home and having their own party without the rest. Forcing her isn’t helping and isolating isn’t either, so meet in the middle. If the rest get upset about it, oh well. Make her the priority, not them.
1 Like
Not sure what is right for you and your family. But I never gave my kids the choice when it came to family functions. I’d say your going. Better to be with a group and mopey then alone
2 Likes
I have mental health issues and so does my teen daughter. I make her go to the important events (like Christmas) and pick my battles about other ones. Allowing her to isolate can worsen the issue, but so can forcing her into everything. I make my daughter go to counseling; it’s for her good, like vaccines and gynecologic exams. She doesn’t like it, but she needs it.
2 Likes
You’re the parent she’s the child. Your rules. I’m old school. I wasn’t given choices like that at 15. 
43 Likes
I would tell her her it’s not a choice,step up an be the parent. To many parents letting there children tell them what their doing. My parents wouldn’t have given me a option
3 Likes
As a parent you know your child and per your comment she has a group of friends… no teenager likes to hang with family period.
So your job is to be a parent and make her go and teach her values. Again your the parent!! So parent!!
2 Likes
My teen has tried that. It’s been really easy. Get in the damn car or hand over your lap top and phone. It gets her ass moving every time.
7 Likes
Her reason for not wanting to go sounds like a typical teenage girl. I had four. Tell her she can go to another room or even out to the car for a few minutes if she gets overwhelmed, but she’s going with the family. Also it’s probably not a good idea for her to be hime alone if depression is an issue anyway. I hope you all have a great night!
3 Likes
She’s a child. It’s a parents job to parent. Period. Adult life is about doing things when you “don’t want to” or don’t feel like it. Kids need to be prepared for life not lead to believe that life is “want you want to do”.
2 Likes
What should you do? Be the parent, show tough love.
4 Likes
I used to live by the same ideas some of you have. I would say your 15 there is no option. If you just go it will make us happy. I know you dont like to hang with the family but they are your family. I buried my son at the age of 16. He took his own life. So it gave me time to think i raised my kid to be strong and independent but i didnt listen to him when he would talk. I wanted him to live my way not his. Trust me when I say forcing her to try to live the way you want her to will not win you anything. So many red flags here. Maybe listening is better then your feelings. You both may need to seek counseling.
2 Likes
my daughter was the same way when she was a teenager. shes 30 now and can still be antisocial sometimes. if your daughter has anxiety issues this kind of thing may be tough for her. i dont think she means to be this way and hurting peoples feelings is not her intention. its tough to deal with but i wouldnt force her. maybe explain to the family of what shes been going through. im sure they will understand.
4 Likes
Well when I was that age I had to go to my grandparent’s house every Sunday& Christmas whether I liked it or not. Sometimes you need to give them tough love.
2 Likes
Your the mom here , sounds like she needs help badly, , don,t let her end up like alot of teens , she needs to be with her family , like it or not she,s the child and your the adult, ,YOU make the rules. …and stick to them …
1 Like
She is 15. You are the adult insist she go . somtimes in life we must do things that we find boring .she sounds like she wants things her own way . a typical teenage problem . do not confuse mental issues wirh this . if you insist she go and she behaves despicable take away something she really loves . then explain why you did it . nowadays kids are all but glued to the cell phone .start there . good luck
2 Likes
You have to respect the right she has to chose! To me my kids are more important than any party, if people doesn’t understand that oh well!
1 Like
I would not leave her at home alone… she comes and can choose to socialize or read a book. But never leave her alone, a pity party is the worst.
Suck it up buttercup
My kids went whether they wanted to or not
It was up to them to make the best or worst of it. Electronics were taken away also so they could make conversations with family
Merry Christmas and Good luck
The real issue here is not the Christmas party. The issue should be the counseling. Why are you more concerned about her not going to the family function than you are about her not getting the counseling she obviously needs? If she is struggling with mental health issues then keeping up appearances with the family shouldn’t be your main focus. Your focus needs to be on keeping her mentally healthy. And if staying home helps with that, then so be it. Try again next year when she’s learned some coping skills from therapy. Best of luck.
1 Like
I bring board games and things to do to parties. Keeps it fun and light. Bring some of her favorite things and make it fun.
As a child who had the same problem, do not force her! If she doesn’t want to go, she will resent you for forcing her, withdraw more into her self, or both!! Sometimes family isn’t fun to be around. She could just feel like an outsider. Like she’s not even part of the family.
1 Like
My child tries to get out of family functions all the time. He is 15. It does not work. When he is grown he will look back at the things we did together and see the importance of them and will have deep values as a result.
Why was she given a choice??? She is 15. I say she goes…
3 Likes
stay home. Tell family your daughter is not feeling well, and you want to stay home to look after her. don’t return the gifts.
1 Like
Why should she be punished for being straight with you?
If she doesn’t want to, don’t make her. don’t take her gifts if she doesn’t.
If you love her unconditionally, she gets Christmas too.
If you MAKE her do this, you can MAKE counseling no choice either.
Personally, I would make my kid go. I don’t know what kind of mental health issues you’re talking about, but be aware of suicide risk. Not to make you fearful, but just to put things into perspective. This is a leading cause of death now, starting at age 10!! Hard to believe, I know.
1 Like
Honestly, at fifteen my kids didn’t have a choice on matters like this. To some, I guess I might be seen as a bad parent, but that’s how I was brought up too& we all turned out okay!
In my opinion (everyone has their own)…and in my house…shes 15. YOU are the parent. I dont give my children options on skipping holidays. I would make her go & yes, she will be mad, but she will thank you later.
Maybe see if she can choose a best friend to bring along to babe her more comfortable and give her someone to talk to?
Honestly family gatherings can be utterly exhausting for someone struggling with mental health. I wouldn’t force her into that.
Do you think she would be more receptive to being treated more as an adult at this function? Like give her a duty to do during the event. She could keep the floors clean of wrapping paper or make a special dessert to take. Maybe be put on a kitchen duty? Or perhaps allow her to bring a card/board game? Maybe you could buy and allow her to make jewelry while there?
I wouldn’t "force " her to go but I’d encourage her to by finding something that would spark her interest. Family time is important. But perhaps there is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed as well.
She says she doesn’t want to go because it’s boring and no one talks to her. She doesn’t say it’s because she’s anxious and depressed. If that’s the only reason…she goes! Final answer. Put your parent pants on.
1 Like
You’re the parent. Tell her to get a shower and put on a smile.
You are the parent. Make the decision and maybe stay for a few hours then leave
Don’t force your clearly depressed teenage daughter to go to a function she clearly doesn’t want to go to. You have no idea how hard it is to pretend all the time that you’re alright, happy & social settings are enjoyable. Instead of asking why she doesn’t want to go, try listening as to what she goes through when she is on those types of social environments. Try being empathetic to her turmoil. The thing is, she probably does want to go & have fun. She just has a hard time adjusting to the environment. Taking away her Christmas presents because she has (and you stated this in your question!) mental health issues is beyond cruel.
She sounds VERY much like my 16 year old daughter.
She’s 15. You’re the parent. It’s not open for discussion with my daughter unless she has a VERY good reason. She always thaws out. 
2 Likes
If she’s so depressed she feels the need to blow off an event that is so special and important to the family please watch for signs of drug abuse. I’ve had to go through this with 2 of my kids. After I found out they was using I realized all the signs was there but I was blind and in denial.
I would first suggest simply telling her that it’s very important to you and it means a lot to everyone that she goes. 15 is a hard age for all. My kids didn’t want to go either but in the end they did. It’s good to remember that if she only sees them a couple times a year she doesn’t have the bond you do.
We would agree as a family on a leaving time and stick to it. I also made sure at events were my kids didn’t have their close cousins that they had my attention and weren’t forced into awkward conversations with distant family. In the end missing one of these events usually results in them realizing they would rather go and be a part of whatever festivities than none. Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. Teens are the hardest but I promise they out grow it! Good luck and Merry Christmas!
1 Like
I have a question to ask you about this post but how old are the other kid in the family. Maybe she feels like her interests & hobbies aren’t compatible with the other kids or teenagers that are coming to this Christmas party. Just keep encouraging her to go
Don’t put any anger in the decision. Let her know how important that all of us here get together . Families may not do or give you what you would like or need. . but families sticks together and her not being with y’all would be a lost to you, everyone else , and her self. Tell her you want her to come because you love her and hope she loves y’all enough to enjoy her self with y’all.
You’re the parent act like one she’s a child she may be 15 but she’s still a child
Who is the parent you or your daughter. She is not 18 if you tell her she needs to go than that is it. That is the problem with children or kids these days they parent the parents.
2 Likes
She’s 15 and you are the parent refusing family function and refusing to get treated is not her option you as a parent need to be a lot more stirring than you are
As someone who was forced to go to family functions growing up where I did not feel welcome, I highly suggest having an open and honest conversation with her. Listen to what she has to say. I had family members that made passive aggressive & demeaning comments to me when no one was around because I just wasn’t the favorite grandchild. Because I was never given a choice about these family functions I avoid them at all costs now. I will never be made to feel unwelcome or unlistened to and neither will my children.
It’s a faze as we all go through. Love concours all! Prayer that God helps her to sort out the issues in her life and not using a heavy hand in this situation is the way to go.
Well don’t make her go, poor her i know how it feels when you are struggling with socializing when you don’t want to.
Typical 15 year old. Life for you is a balancing act. Every issue will take a different choice. Do you push, do you not. Ask her then tell her your view and make decisions together.
I think that she should be made to go but she should be allowed to go outside or to a quiet area alone if she truly does have mental health issues and this is not just normal teen drama(I tried the same things at her age and I was fine mentally I was just pushing boundaries and seeing what I could get by with …if I thought something was boring I didn’t want to be bothered with it)…but with that being said the more important thing here is the fact that she is being allowed to choose not to go to therapy! I am sorry but as her parent you are responsible for her and her medical care until she is 18 or older(if not mentally capable) I understand not wanting to be a harsh parent but IF she has mental health issues and that’s not being used as an excuse to do what she wants why are you allowing her not to get help! If she had diabetes would you let her choose not to take insulin, how about if she had an infection would you allow her to choose not to take antibiotics? Mental health issues are serious!
She isn’t the parent. She would go and no electronics devices either, those can stay home
She certainly wouldn’t be left at home.
1 Like
Yup. Make her go so she can resent you AND feel worse about herself. Perfect response. Also, threatening to take her gifts back… Great idea. Now because she doesn’t enjoy being around people and pretending to be enjoying herself she also feels personally attacked for being different. I get her. I know exactly where she’s coming from. I’m just like that. My husband used to try to force me to do things, and I’d sit quietly not interacting the entire time. He would then be mad about it. It continued until his balloon lost it’s air and he ended up in the same boat as me. During his bout with anxiety and depression he came to understand EXACTLY what my chronic conditions cause me to feel like. Now that he understands, he doesn’t try to force me to do anything or get angry when I don’t want to go with him. He brings me a little gift or some food from wherever he went and lets me hear about his time there. Most of the time we go back, just the two of us so I can have the same experience in a comfortable way.
1 Like
Shes 15, still a minor… your the parent, just flat tell her shes going and make the best of it… kids try to “push” their parents to see how far they can be pushed… put that child back in a childs place…I would never "tell my parents … you listened and did as you were told
I’m really torn, because she is a child & is old enough to not throw tantrums to get her way, so make her go, but on the other hand, you shouldn’t force your children to be around people that make her uncomfortable even if it’s family, it’s hard having social anxiety, it takes a lot of time afterwards to get yourself unwound…it’s a tough situation, but I pray she feels better soon
If she were mine, she would go, period! A 15 year old is not grown!
As long as she lives under your roof and you are supporting her she lives. by your rules. She goes and will behave. Period.
1 Like
We shouldn’t “have to” learn how to deal and move on. Maybe her “dealing” is knowing what is best for herself and not going is the better choice. Sometimes certain social situations cause more harm to our mental state. Sometimes forcing ourselves to do things we aren’t comfortable with is not worth the aftermath. If your daughter is struggling with mental health then I say you trust her judgment because maybe you’ll be helping her and showing her that you support her…it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s isolating herself.
You’re the parent make her go my parents threatened me with my laptop tablet and phone their saying was my house my rules when u pay the mortgage the electricity the food then you can tell me what to do!!!
1 Like
My husbands daughter skips christmas, the first year she did she was 15! She texted me and asked when she could “stop over” to get her gifts. I told her if that was her plan, not to bother. The gifts are purchased to give us the joy in her eyes as she opens them. If that’s all she wanted, not to bother because they would be returned.
Last year, I once again bought all her gifts. Husband got the love and thanks, I got nothing!
This year she turned 18, she is choosing not to go again. I hope my husband refuses the gifts so I dont have to deal with her “stopping by”.
I would be more concerned about why she wants to stay home…
Require her to go. Isolation is dangerous in young girls.
1 Like
Threatening to return the presents probably wouldn’t go well, and probably wouldn’t do anything to change the situation. But you are the parent and what you say goes until she is old enough and moves out. Show her some tough love and tell her when to be ready and in the car. If she isnt, then drag her to the car. She shouldn’t be left alone and family is important. You never know when the last time you may see someone is. Make her go even if she is mad at you. My parents wouldn’t have given me the choice, I had to go places I didnt want to. And now that I’m grown, I appreciate it now even when I didn’t then.
She’s 15 you make her go. She doesn’t have a choice. I have a son that prefers to be alone and that’s fine but he knows he’s going to family functions. It isn’t even a choice, not has it ever been. You’re the parent she does what you want. And that doesn’t make you a bad parent(like she might think) it makes you a good one. She will figure that out as she gets older. For now, be the bad guy in her story.
As a parent you need to force her to get the mental health she needs!! I had to do it with my 14 year old daughter after she tried to take her own life. I had no idea the silent struggle she was keeping until it was almost too late. She didn’t want treatment but that wasn’t an option. I signed the papers and she was put into a in-patient treatment facility to get the help she really truly needed. She’s 17 now and thanks for me doing this because she learned so many skills to help herself cope and she learned she could ask for support when she needed it. She learned she isn’t alone in this struggle as many teenagers also face similar struggles. There was no lack of love and understanding from us at all, she has a good life but that dark cloud of depression and anxiety is like a curtain filling their life with darkness and they don’t always know how to cope or ask for the help to lift it. I was recently privileged enough to help support another mom I know who had to make the same difficult decision to send her son for inpatient treatment against his wishes but knowing it was, was best for him. Honestly making her go and taking presents away won’t phase her she can’t see through the darkness I’m willing to bet. When your living in this being around people is the hardest thing ever because while being surrounded with people you still feel incredibly lonely. Give you’re daughter the gift of healthy mental health, get her the help she needs!! In the mean time keep a close eye on her and don’t leave her alone.
Force her to go. She is your child; 15 or 5, not 25. Tell her one day she will not have the opportunity to gather and to at least try and enjoy herself. If she refuses, take her gifts back. Don’t even threaten it, just do it. Our children are not entitled to gifts for simply existing and they need a reminder sometime.
Don’t threaten to take away presents, but still make her go. Maybe try and be by her side most of the night, even if it’s sitting together in silence. I struggled at her age with major mental health issues… it’s hard to know exactly what to do but always be there and be supportive. Try having a nice calm heart to heart.
1 Like
Please talk to her and ask questions before judging, many kids go through something or have a bad experience with someone and do not know how to explain or express it so they just isolate themselves, please check if anything is bothering her, as a teacher and a mother of two in have seen it a lot.
Does she struggle with social anxiety? Seeing family that I wasn’t used to seeing, was terrifying at that age. Maybe her cousins are mean to her? I don’t think threatening to return presents is going to do any good, she’s not a little kid.
Can,she invite a friend? Can they put a movie on for her?
1 Like
Imo- 15 is too young for it to be an option.
However, she’s trying to isolate herself it seems.
If you can get her to go, that would be best. Don’t give in to isolation.
So wait, you want to punish her for feeling vulnerable to her mental health issues? And honestly, aren’t you and your parents old enough to understand that this isn’t about you and therefore not be upset? Your daughter’s not responsible for your emotions, you are. That being said, after the holidays come and go, I would say to her that what she is doing is declining and that you insist she gets some help and then follow through. Leave it at that and don’t make it a big dramatic “you’ll take her presents back and the whole family will be mad at her” type of thing. You’re the grown up so act like it and this is how you do it. Leave emotions out of it and be factual. In the facts are, this is very common for untreated depression and anxiety and that she needs medical intervention. If she doesn’t want to go, don’t make her go. Psychologically separate yourself and understand that this is unfortunately very common for mental health issues.
She is 15 she doesn’t get a choice here. You aren’t asking her to do anything more then go. And I bet after a bit she might really have a good time. Enjoy your family ALL together.
Have her talk to a therapist. No medication if she doesn’t want it but maybe her being able to say things she can’t tell you would help.
Sounds like you can either force her to go or let her stay home with the thought line of maybe if she decides to stay home she will think twice next year.
Shes 15…you still have the say on what she does. When she does and who she does it with.
I would ask her if some one touch her or said some thing bad ? It happen to me my uncle showed me his nasty thingy
Do not make her go and get her counseling even if she don’t want it. I made those mistakes with my son who ended up shooting himself when he was 15.
In all fairness, you are the parent and you call the shots. But think further into the situation… she may have a hard time making conversation because those Holiday conversations tend to revolve around what have you been up to, what are your future plans, are you going to college, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Personally, I think a lot of teenagers feel overwhelmed by this, especially when people start giving their input on your life. If she is struggling, trust that she doesn’t want to go for her own health… explain to family that she isn’t feeling well and it was best for her to stay home. She’ll appreciate it much more later on.
She’s 15. Leave her be and check back in with her in a couple years.
Some things are not negotiable. That’s just the way it is. 15 is hard. It’s testing boundaries all over again so all boundaries need to be clear cut and red taped.
Yep she’s at that age where she’s trying to decide if she’s grown or still a child. You as her parent should remember who’s in charge it’s not her. Tell her to get her Ass in the car right now she’s going. When she’s 18 she can stay home. I raised 6 teenagers. They all pull this stuff.
Put your foot down and make her go. You’re the parent and she’s still underage.
Tough love is better, all her life she will have to do boring and have better things to do. Her Gparents wont be around for ever and its rude unless she really is uncomfortable. Mental health isn’t a joke. I learned the hard way with now my 18 year old. Just try to make it a resp conversation and the way you feel and why. I’m practicing this on my 16yr old. If he wants freedoms and respect he had to prove hes mature enough and not act like a baby anymore. These days are crazy raising kids
1 Like
Who is the parent here?
Dont punish her by saying her gifts will all go back. Sounds like you are not helping her depression any.
Wow. If she doesnt want to go, why make her?
That’s called introvert behavior…forcing insteading to trying to understand will on make it worse
John Smith thoughts? Personally, as a fellow introvert (as I assume this girl is) I probably wouldn’t make her go OR I’d tell her that I also don’t want to go, but as you grow up you have to do social things you don’t want to do (maybe have something fun to do afterwards like ice cream or something) what do you think?
1 Like
Did u think maybe something else deeper is going on with someone who’s going to be there or maybe she has nothing in common with any of them she might just be her own person
You should make her go. My daughter was the same way and I always gave in thinking it was best since it was what she wanted. And it beacme a huge problem when she turned 17 she left. Saying we always left her out even tho she was the one who didnt want to go. That we were her parents and we should of known better. And i agree with her. We should of known. I have many regrets now. I see things different now but its to late to go back😔. Make her go. She will thank u later for it.
Maybe she was severely hurt mentally or verbally by her cousins or something which is making her feel like not being there 
keep her close to you
I’m not saying this is the case, but kids don’t always tell the real reason why they don’t want to go places. It’s boring is an easy answer for kids/teenagers.
Force her mama!! She doesn’t know how to pull herself out it!! You make her ass go with no phone so she has to engage with people!! And it’s once a year!! You know what’s best for her!!
These days these kids dying æfrom depression evil forces child to go somewhere because you want him to go now if something bad happens then what do you do
I hated doing that shit too. Now I’m 30 and don’t do shit I don’t wanna do.go ahead an force her to go an be miserable if that’s what you want as her parent it’s your choice.
You’re the parent you tell her she’s going and that’s all there is to it
Try not to push to hard find out why
She’s 15 she has no choice. She is a child.
Soooo… you’d rather punish her for not going than allow her to not be forced to participate if she doesn’t want to? Go ahead and return her gifts, if you force her to go, she’s going to hate you this holiday anyway. She’s 15. She shouldn’t be forced to be around people she doesn’t want to be around and be made to be uncomfortable because YOU might be embarrassed by her not showing up?? How juvenile can YOU be?? You can tell family that she doesn’t feel like participating. If they don’t like it, it’ll be ok anyway. When children are forced to show affection to family members, they end up hating them. Just let her stay home this time. It’s seriously not as big of a deal as you’re making it.