I always say “you will go and you will smile and act like you love it”
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You are the parent not her it’s your say what goes not hers so be a parent and tell her what time she should be ready by. I had the same issues and still do and I’m 36 years old nothing is going to change her so she might as well get over it and live her life and not in a room or a house. I’m not being rude I’m being honest from one person to another I know what she is going through I go through it everyday of my life and she can do the same.
I hope you made her go! And I would also recommend taking her to see a dr for mental health issues! Please! God Bless You! Merry Christmas 
Tell her you know she’s struggling but family is Important and she’s going. Make sure you keep her included in conversations.
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Remind her your grandparents aren’t around forever!
Please don’t leave her alone stay with her and make it fun and special for both of you.
Maybe she can take a friend along. Someone who would support her.
Your the parent. Get her help regardless of what she wants!
If you push her, she could end up resenting you
Giiiirl she is 15 yrs old you tell her to get her ass in that car she’s going. You ain’t asking her does she wanna go your telling her shes goin to go .you are the parent and shes a child .if she dint go take her phone and other electronics away and ground her no friends over no nothing until she learns some respect .life is too short and too many people passing too soon for her to be acting like that .I’m soo glad I do not allow my daughter to act like this and even more glad she loves going and when she wants to leave after hours if being there I tell her we will go when I’m rdy .we are home all the time these things happen a few times a year .smh let me talk to her !!
She does not need to be alone
Include someone her age to sit with.
I’d stay home with her. 15 sux. Make it all about her!
She is only 15…she needs to go.
you are the parent act like it
She’s15, is not open for discussion.
I agree your house your rules your the grown-up
U need get her help. She must more going on specially at her age.
Make her go. Being alone will only make it worse for her
She needs her time let her make her own decision
She’s 15 and you are the parent!!
I don’t give a damn if I’d be disappointed. It’s more important to me that my child is mentally well. Everything about this is a red flag. Stop forcing your social norms onto others who aren’t comfortable. Kid or not. This “put your foot down, you’re the parent” bs is why your kids don’t trust and talk to you. Pick your battles…this is minuscule.
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You are the parent???
So many children now adays suffer from mental illness, you have said previously she feels like there is “no point in going because nobody pays attention to her” this time it might be different… Make her go and if she needs to get away from people for awhile let her know she can take a breather in the car or something. At 15 she doesnt have alot of say in the matter and she will thank you later for making her go, stay beside her most the night and check in time to time, try to get her involved in conversations by you starting them. If you leave her there she might think you never really cared enough to want her to go… its strange how depression makes you think nobody cares.
Prayers your decision
Give her lots of hugs…
Just tell her she’s going. End of discussion.
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Get your ass in the car and slap a smile on your face and appreciate what you have
Dont force her it will only make it worse
All the parents saying to force a 15 year old teenage female to go to something that she has vocalized she does not want to participate…let me just leave this message right here, I wear my daughters semi colon proud as hell!!! She survived and got through her depression! I forced her to play my part until I found her on the bathroom floor with over 20 lacerations on each arm! Do not force her to do something that you don’t understand! Instead, do more things with her that she enjoys, open conversations about what she is feeling, if you fight her with fire, you will get a very big flame. But love…just pure love, can cure any depression! It will get easier but if you try to control her at this age, the backlash could be worst than you imagine! I’m just one mom, shes just one daughter! But coming from a good home with a mom who NEVER thought she would have to post these words…I know now how quickly things can change! If we don’t let them make adult decisions they won’t feel the adult consequences! Such as missing this time with her family. If she doesnt go, it will hit her what she is missing…taking her gifts back is basically threatening her, instead show your feelings of disappointment but becareful on the harshness! My daughter was a straight A student who loved life, within 4 weeks her entire life changed because of the group of good friends I thought she had:pray:t3:
This is a hard one but after therapy, counseling, mental institutions, 4 times sitting at a hospital crying thinking I was the worst mom ever…in the end, love worked more and better than any treatment we found!
Dont force her to go. You wouldnt want to be forced. And telling her youll take her presents back would not be right
Refusing?? She’s 15, you’re the parent! If she needs the mental help, why are you letting her refuse help?? Help her, step up!
This is what’s wrong with this world, parents are letting kids run the show.
You don’t get a vote at 15…
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Since she’s struggling, with mental health issues, do NOT push her into anything unless it’s something she wants to do. Pushing her, into things, will only make matter worse.
Quit being a pussy and bust that ass. Bet she’s a snotty nosed brat.
Manipulating her with gifts isn’t going to make her depression any better and is wrong. Sometimes it’s draining to be around people which is understandable but she should still go say hello to everyone and go sit somewhere quietly to watch a movie on her phone or go for a walk. I’d have her go but I wouldn’t force her to participate other than saying hi and I wouldn’t tell the rest of the family her business either, you’ll ruin her trust in you and she needs that right now she’s told you she’s struggling which is a big step
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So I have severe mental health issues, that I’m working out now, and when my parents use to force me to come along and socialize it made everything 10x worse and I’d lash out, I ended up stopping opening up to my mom bc she knew I was uncomfortable but would threaten me and force me to do stuff I CLEARLY didn’t want to do. I would sob hysterically and shed still force me.
I’m just saying, forcing her to go when she clearly doesn’t want to will make it worse
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I would let her stay home and just tell my family she has a fever and doesn’t want to get everyone sick 
bc mental health really isn’t that much different than physical health, people just treat it different. Give her some yummy snacks, set her up with some good Christmas movies, and bring her gifts home for her. She can call and thank people for them tomorrow.
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If you force her to go or punish her for not going, she is only going to build resentment and feel more excluded. It seems like her form of love and communication is different. Try to figure out her love language and reach out to her that way. Showing her you love her is the best way to reconnect. ESPECIALLY since she may be dealing with something that she hasnt been vocal about. When I was 15, I struggled with self-harm, anorexia, suicidal ideation, severe depression and anxiety, bullying, etc. She just needs to feel loved and supported. Not the way you show it, but the way SHE receives it.
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No. At that age I didn’t force my children to be around anyone. Family or not.
It doesn’t matter if she provides zero,little or all the dialog in a conversation. If she’s not comfortable around someone, why force her?
And no. Why would you hold Christmas gifts over her head? That’s not the meaning of Christmas or unconditional love. You are only exerting control. This isn’t a game of authority. Why not just respect her decision and let her choose?
She’s 15, Let Her Stay Home. She’s At That Age Where She Wants To Be Alone Sometimes. She’ll Get Past It And Come Back Around Soon. We All Went Through That Stage. And I Wouldn’t Return Her Gifts.
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I have read some excellent advice from the Moms! I honestly feel for you, and your family. I honestly dont know how I would handle this situation. I believe you are struggling worse with it than anyone else will. It’s tough to have to explain to family. I also know how when you have anxiety, the last thing you want to do is be around people, family or not. Yes, you are the parent, but I understand both sides. I can only offer prayers for your decision, whatever it may be. But remember, this is just one day, and now is the time to try and help her with her anxiety and issues. Sending love and peace your way.
Ask her why she doesn’t want to go, get in your pajamas, and have a mother daughter night. It doesn’t matter what your family thinks, they didn’t grow up in this day and age and it can be extremely taxing on a teenager.
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Be empathetic with her. Let her know you’re sorry she’s feeling this way and you are there to support but don’t really know how.
Ask if she has ideas on how you can help her during this hard time. Therapy is helpful. She could be a victim of some kinda crime with family being the perpetrator. Think molestation or something like that. Don’t make assumptions. Just be there like you would a friend. Be patient with her. I hope you get the help you both need. Sending love your way. 
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Let her stay home my God and threatening her Christmas isn’t going to make things better for her think about how she feels and if you’re that worried then stay home with her and have family go by you if possible
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She’s 15 and struggling with her mental health… let her stay home. Telling her you’re going to take her stuff back isn’t going to help her any with her mental health issues. “We all do things we may not like to do” okay good for whoever does If her staying home is going to help her mentally then let her stay home! Family gathering can be mentally draining! Do right by her and let her stay home, she knows what she needs to do to help herself.
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Iv a 15 year old girl who same rather stay at home than get involved it’s her birthday today always go for hot chocolate she didn’t want to go this morning had no interest teenagers they all the same
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Reading these comments I think I’m a bi**h
I’m the adult I say were going end of story, you wanna sit there and pout have at it but you will be going…
I feel everyone has mental health issues now days and learning to cope with them and be a human is just apart of life
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Ask her what she would like to do instead & go do it with her. The family can wait until next year & understand, your daughter is more important.
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Tough one. I alternate between leaving her home and making her come. Good luck with whatever you decide, I don’t think there’s a right answer to this one, momma.
Maybe have everyone come to your house and if she wants to socialize she will…I dont think forcing her will help…and threatening to take the presents isn’t the solution…jmo
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Her mental health rules out “hurt feelings” any day. Support her on this (trust me you won’t regret it!). Slowing down the holidays helps anyone’s mental health!
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She’s struggling… as an adult would you like to be forced to do something that you didn’t want to do WHILE stuggling with your mental health? No, afford her some rights and dignity.
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If she’s struggling with mental health issues, family gatherings can be really tough and only make it worse. If you’re aware of her issues I would not push that on her, and I would not threaten to take everything away. Mental health is a serious issue and a person can’t just push it aside just because their gifts are being threatened. I would offer if she can spend Christmas eve with other family members she does get along well with or even friends. If you’re dead set on spending time with your parents. Leaving her home alone isn’t the best idea but if she has someone else she can spend time with that could improve her mood. As an adult I absolutely hate being forced to go to social gatherings I’m not comfortable with because of my own mental health issues and just “sucking it up and pushing through it” does not help at all.
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You are the parent! Stop letting these teenagers bully their own parents, to get what they want! If it doesn’t change now, I honestly do not know how our grandchildren will survive, in any good way
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If she has mental health issues I would not leave her alone on Christmas Eve it any holiday. I didn’t give my kids a choice. If you don’t make her go she is not going to get over her anxiety with socializing.
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It’s a family holiday. You’re not her friend, you’re her parent.
Some people aren’t fortunate enough to have family to spend time with on holidays. She’s lucky she has grandparents who are still alive. Mental health is important and should be taken seriously but cmon. It’s a family holiday. She can go even if she would rather play on her phone.
And returning gifts won’t help anyone or the situation. I would explain to her how to keep a conversation going.
Also I would have her go to counseling to deal with her mental health wether she wants to or not. It’s not something to play with. You’re her parent. Make her go for her sake.
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Gotta let her have a little say in her life momma I would let her stay home but inform her that she has to feed herself that might get her wanting food but many teens are boycotting holidays lately I have 2 friends with teens and theirs didnt want to do family holidays either
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I always had to go as a teenager whether I wanted to or not. Once I was an adult I could decide who I wanted to see and when. Now that I am an adult I see very little of my family lol But I did my time and went to make my parents happy. If anything she should take YOUR feelings into consideration if no one else’s.
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This would be me.
“You don’t have to go but if you don’t go I get the cellphone for 2 weeks. And I am taking the internet and cable route with me.”
“So you can be bored with me for one night or bored at home for 2 weeks”
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If she’s struggling with mental health I don’t think she should be forced to go to a family event. Like others have said why not have some time with her at home.
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I know that from a young age I dealt with social anxiety. My parents would force me to attend functions and it would make be physically ill. If she is uncomfortable going for whatever reason, I strongly suggest letting her stay home or as stated above, do a pop in a say hello. Why would you force your child to do anything at all? It’s just like not forcing your child to hug someone they dont want to. You are meant to be the one that brings your child comfort not force them into doing things that make them uncomfortable. Good way to destroy their trust in you.
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Find out what makes her uncomfortable. Is it a certain family member or forced hugs or atmosphere of the event in general? Once my parents let me make my own choices on going to family holidays, I spent a few alone and then went to the ones I wanted to. Nobody freaked out, the world didn’t end, but I was a much happier teenager and that makes a world of difference at a family gathering. Now at 25 with my own toddler, things are much smoother. I don’t make my son sit with anyone he doesn’t want to or give hugs to anyone he doesn’t want to. Respecting your daughter’s wishes, especially knowing she has MH issues, is vital. Let her make her own choice to stay home if she wants. Keeping up appearances is NEVER EVER worth sacrificing your daughter’s happiness. She is 15, not 5.
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We weren’t given choices as a kid we turned out fine shell get over it she’s playing you feel sorry for me card
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Let her stay home and have her space without fear of punishment for voicing her needs.
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Maybe she’s not into the holiday spirit. And that’s okay! Maybe she needs alone time with her mother. This will give you the opportunity to talk to her and figure out what’s going on. I wish my mom had time for me at that age but she didn’t. I hope it gets better for you.
If my husband told me “Do something that makes you uncomfortable because I want you to, or I’m not going to give you anything for Christmas” everyone would be up in arms about how it’s a toxic relationship and I need to find someone who understands that I’m worth gifts and some human decency and compassion when I’m having a hard time.
The concept is the same no matter what title you hold.
But maybe you can compromise? She can stay in the car and play on her phone or read a book or whatever it is she wants to do, but she cant stay at home alone because well, teenagers.
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Well you are the parent put your foot down and tell her it is a family function and she is going
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I dreaded family functions as a child. All the give so and so a hug, go talk to so and so, go play with your cousins. I was shy, self
Her mental health is far more important than anyone’s hurt feelings, she’s old enough to stay home and have that time for herself to recharge
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Maybe she has anxiety issues…forcing her to go will only make her more miserable!!!
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I struggled with social anxiety my entire life… I pushed myself to go because everybody expected me to go, but there were plenty of events I would have much rather been home… I as a parent now would at least have her come and say hi, give gifts and then she can go back home if that’s what she needs.
You’re the parent. Don’t give her a choice. She’ll get over it
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I don’t make my 15 year old go. Why force a situation she’s uncomfortable with
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Definitely make her go! You are the parent!
By law she has to do what you tell her to!
Do not withhold gifts. That’s just cruel.
Day after tomorrow, definitely, hire a reputable private investigator to go through her phone, laptop and computer! There may be someone influencing her in a bad way. At 15 she still needs discipline, guidance and love. Boundaries, so they don’t run over you and get out of control, heady with their power of their resistant no that causes the parental cave! Love and firmness can turn into drill Sargeant if you have to escalate.
Don’t deny her gifts bcuz she refuses family time. Fastest way to alienate her once she moves out.
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So you’re forcing her into an uncomfortable situation? Sounds like you need her there for appearances. This is why kids dont tell there parents when sexual assaults happen because they feel they should have to deal with uncomfortable situations…
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Shes 15 she doesnt wanna go chat with adults… She shouldnt have to go where she feel uncomfortable or unwelcomed either. And forcing her to go is only gonns make her resent Every one. Let her be she’s a teenager
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Validate her feelings , because even if we don’t agree she has the right to feel that way . Let her know she is important and loved . Find a middle ground . Like we will go , but leave at this time . Or she will go in drop stuff off say hi to everyone than she can do as she wishes . You will help her find a space to be alone . Take things for her to do If she is bored . I’m raising a child with sever depression . I have anxiety . There are days where we don’t want to do things . Example mandatory work Christmas party , but we have to . Sadly it is how the world is , we have people over us ( work , school ) that say we have to do things . So we need to teach them this . It’s hard , but needed . We give them the skills , help the find a way to make it work .
I’m actually pretty torn on this issue. For one, she needs to understand that the family that she sees will not always be there. Things happen in a blink of an eye and the moments that we have now will never happen again. Two I completely understand the depression part. Personally I have been there and now so has my oldest daughter. But life happens and there will always be things that she doesn’t want to do like go to a job or college or anything that she has a choice in that she will have to decide herself to go. And neither of those give two craps about your depression or anything especially when it’s mental.
Leave her behind. She’s old enough to decide what can cause her most stress!
She’s 15; you are the parent. You make the rules and she is to follow them. She may not like it, but you tell her what she can and cannot do and what she will or will not do. You want her to go to the dinner…she goes to dinner. Don’t give her a choice. To many parents coddle their children.
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Why push her even more? She’s going through something she needs support not Dictatorship. You can’t do this to an adult who’s going through something so why would put a child through this kind of hell. Focus on what’s really important and that’s the child’s state of mind not a pagan holiday that can be celebrated another day or more years to come.
I think many of us go through this with teenagers. I know mine did with me and so did I. I just wouldn’t bother with her and I’d cancel her Christmas. If she can’t be bothered for you, then forget her this year too!
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Refused any help ? Just take her and drop her off at therapy appts and sit until she is done. I will takes weeks for her to talk, but eventually most do. Seems like she’s really struggling, I wouldn’t force anything on her.
I will not force my kids to go, I have mental health issues and being at family gatherings definitely do not help (me at least) I believe children have a right to choose once they are old enough, once they are adults you cant force them I also dont force my kids to hug anyone they dont want to.
Family functions can be fun if your in the right state of mind. People ask questions about your life and I always felt pressured and would lie so people thought I was doing well
I wouldn’t hold gifts over her head… maybe she simply doesn’t want to go, mental health related or not and at 15, that’s fine. My seven year old wanted to leave a family function early today and we came home… simple as that. It’s been an overwhelming time. She got in her PJs and took a two hour nap and woke up a whole new person. I didn’t scrutinize her for it because quite frankly sometimes I just want to be home too.
As a child who tried to make this same point. I don’t enjoy Christmas AT ALL as an adult. I hated it as a teen. I was Forced to go to every family event as a child. Now I hardly go to anything because I feel like I’m being forced to and like it’s an obligation. Yeah, I like seeing my family… just outside of the holidays. It all feels so fake and forced this time of year.
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Give her a pass & let her stay home. Holidays can be overwhelming when ur not struggling, made even worse if u are.
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Um no. That’s a horrid outlook. If she does not feel comfortable there, she shouldn’t have to go. If you force her, you are no longer someone who protects her. Mental health isn’t something you just force into submission, and doing so leads to suicide because there is no escape. If your mom doesn’t protect you from triggering things then there is no safe person left.
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Let her stay home. You don’t know the real reasons behind why she doesn’t want to go. But don’t force her to do what you want. She’s 15 not 5. Let her have some independence, or you’ll unfortunately have a rough road ahead and will make hers even tougher.
Alone time is needed in order to get yourself emotionally back together.
Also majority of y’all don’t know how to raise a human being properly. You can’t expect your children to make good choices and be self sufficient if you take away their learning for independence during the most VITAL years of their lives. Then kick them out at 18 and expect them to not go crazy and do stupid shit once you finally have no reign over their life 
Also threatening to take away her gifts because of it, lmao, why the hell did you get them then if you’re just going to use it to manipulate and guilt trip her. Jesus Christ
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That is so wrong to threaten to take away gifts. You never know if there’s a more serious issue and she’s scared to talk to you about it.
Let her stay at home. I suffered and still suffer with horrendous anxiety when it comes to social situations and If someone forced me to partake in something like that I’d end up having a meltdown.
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If she doesn’t want to go, don’t make her go. I was that kid with mental health problems that didn’t want to attend things like that because of my anxiety and that was even with treatment and loads of meds. I know how she feels. Don’t punish her by taking her gifts because of mental health issues, that’s cruel. I’ve been in her place many times as a kid.
Coming from someone with extreme anxiety, don’t make her go. If she doesn’t want to there’s a reason. Making her do something that she’s going to be uncomfortable doing is only going to push her away. Regardless of her reason for not wanting to go, pushing it on her isn’t going to help anything. I seriously have to drink to force myself to deal with family now. And I don’t even drink.
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Just let her do her own thing. You will probably have a less stressful Christmas and no fighting. She’s 15, she may even see how boring it will be all by herself and change her mind. Just don’t force it
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It’s life… everyone has to do something they don’t like but nowadays nobody likes anything so I would stick to your guns and make her go until she starts paying bills and acting mature then she can do what she wants, but until then what you say goes it’s your house… so your rules. Don’t take the gifts but let her know holidays aren’t about gifts they’re about love, family and being together so the sooner she learns that the better.
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Has she had counseling for her mental health issues? Anyone she feels comfortable opening up to? From experience(almost deadly) forcing a child to be around ppl when they are already down, isn’t a good thing. If she is stable- let her stay home alone. Keep in constant contact with her while you are gone.
My mom told me this when I was closing myself in my room… it worked for me, of course it was 16 years ago… she said why are you shutting yourself in? Why not be with people who love you? I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know why, I just wanted to be by myself. She said, you have a light inside you, when you let it shine, everyone wants to be around you and they want to hear what you have to say. You have to get up, you have to go. You’ll see how magnetic you are and you’ll feel so much better than feeling dark and gloomy. The light inside you can not only make other people feel better, but make you feel accomplished and like you’re growing up… but you have to put in some effort to get there. For example, Pick a person, one person per gathering that you would like to know more. ask them questions- things you want to know about them and things you should know- like their birthday. Then next gathering, pick someone else and repeat, but also, you should talk to that first person and bring up your last conversation- it makes people feel good when you show them the effort that you remember them. You’ll be surprised in what you accomplish and the feelings of becoming an adult will make more sense… I remember how hard it was to understand why I was upset, but you can’t explain it, like that kids movie about feelings!! Tell her to watch that!
Honestly don’t make her go, just tell her not to expect any presents from them if she doesn’t attend, however, you also need to tell you that you understand needing space and so you won’t force her. Also DO NOT return her presents. Returning her presents will only reaffirm her feelings that she is not good enough or not worth effort.
Have her go and stay in another room in the house. That way she isn’t alone. If she feels like coming out fine, if not fine. She will have her space and still be with you. You can keep checking in on her.