My daughter wants to transition from female to male: Advice?

I have a question about how as a mother, you would deal with your daughter wanting to transition from female to male? Up until this point, she has never expressed anything about her gender or feeling as though she is the wrong gender. She will be 13 years old soon.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter wants to transition from female to male: Advice?

Dont disregard her feelings. Talk with her more & suggest seeing a therapist. Most doctors won’t even let transition begin until they have done some therapy.

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Therapy immediately. 13 year old brains aren’t developed in a sense to make such permanent changes to their lives.

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Join a trans group on Facebook

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My son told me when he was 17 that he is non-binary (I can still call him he…) and wanted that kinda body… I read a lot about and asked all I didn’t get to him.
We talked and walked for hours… A good genderclinic will support and help family te understand… It’s okay to give too…
Be open en be supportive…
And it is okay to not know or understand everything… As long as you love her, it will turn out okay… ND help her to became what she is…

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Let him transition
Use him/ he pronouns. Call him by what ever name he goes by. Baby steps are okay just be supportive.

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Allow your child to be who they want to be! Im sure you’ve raised a great child and your understanding and support in everyway will go a long way.

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I feel like a lot of teens are confused therefore getting her to speak to someone will help. It’s common for teens to get something in their heads from other peers, usually it’s just a phase but still listen her snd get her the help she needs so you can both understand what’s going on.

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Let him, your son transition.
Support, support, support

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Listen to them. Let them find themselves and just be a supportive Mother. Let them know you support them and that you love them unconditionally.

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Teens go through alot especially this day and age when it’s all thrown at them to make a deal of everything. I’d definently have her see someone but don’t rush things as the whole gender thing is ridiculous atm so could just be a though for her to understand

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This child is 12! There is no way they should make this a permanent decision so young. She may change her mind, she may think it’s the “cool” thing to do right now. Be open to it and talk about it, but myself personally, I would never let my child start making any physical changes so young.

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Cheryl Angel Gardner Dodd

I honestly think that should be against the law at that age!

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Listen to her, acknowledge what she’s saying and feeling and just go with it, she may only be 13 but if that’s how she feels you will grow to be okay with it!! She is young so just listen take each day as it comes, don’t force anything but don’t tell her it’s not okay to feel this way! She still has some growing to do and she may change her mind she may not! All you can do for now is be there for her, which ever way is needed☺️

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Join Transgender Support Group. It may be a phase, it may not be but the very best thing you can do as a mom is support him no matter what. Never let him be able to say there was a moment in his life where his own mother wasn’t supportive of him. If he told you he is trans, you are obviously his safe place. Please don’t destroy his trust in you by not accepting him.

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She’s too young first of all! Secondly it’s all this influence from social media, once she’s 18 and living on her own she can make a decision.

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I’m just from another generation that doesn’t get the numbers of kids that come up with this nowadays. Please don’t hate just because it is confusing to me. Can’t help but question if the continuous push on the subject have some of the very young kids confused as well. I would keep conversation going openly and calmly. I personally would tell my child they are too young for such a permanent decision.

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Tell her she has to be gay till shes 18 first then she can think about it till then dont even think about it

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I would tell her to wait a year before doing anything drastic. By drastic, I mean any type of surgery.

There is no child of mine at 12-21 going to make that big of a life changing decision…period

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I would have her wait until adulthood, but support their ability to dress and act however they feel.

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I think it’s fine… I would support the decision… I think it’s ways to go ahead without surgery yet

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I would say; They are who they are and your job is to love them no matter what and help them navigate rough waters…not tell them they aren’t there while their world is rocking. Sometimes life gives you choices and sometimes that’s just how it is and you have to deal with it. You’ve got a damn courageous child because it can’t be easy to ask for that kind of help. They deserve respect and I hope they get it.

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If she has her hormones manipulated before finishing puberty her brain may not fully develope.

The only people willing to talk candidly on this subject aren’t able to express themselves on social media without censorship or backlash.

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Whatever you do don’t sentence them to hell or try and pray it out of him because that’s just wrong…

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Let him or lose him. Also, get grief counselling for yourself to grieve the daughter you lose through the transition but be absolutely certain to celebrate the son you gain. Ask him for patience as you support him through the change he can ask things of you but you can ask patience of him you need him to letyou be sad about losing your girl and you can similtaneously be happy about the son you gain.

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First of all get this child into therapy. As a FTM they will need one, be supportive and welcoming and talk to your child ask what would make him comfortable. Like pronouns does your child want to be called him do it. Try to be respectful as well. Therapy can help anyone for the right reasons.

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I huged my kid and assured her i will always be here, no matter what! My MJ was only 15 when was brave enough to tell me. I had a talk with the family about the changes coming, n how important this was for MJ’s happiness. First she changed her hair style, second her name. Fast forward to 6 years later and he is a brand new person. These kids already go through enough. Ease up the load. All that matters, ultimately is their happiness.

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Start with supportive therapy and go from there on all aspects, legalities and hormones etc.

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So many studies to show this is too young… Yes listen to her but also seek medical advice from actual people who are professionals in this mentality but also physically.

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No. Buy her some basketball shorts and call it a day. Let her dress like a tomboy. She will grow out of it just as we all did.

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Best thing you can do is keep the conversation going. Let them know they can come to you. Perhaps get them in to counselling and go from there - so they can make informed decisions etc

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Wow, how sad it is to read some of these comments. The uneducation in the matter is astounding.

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Start with the professionals that they see before the surgeon does anything

Maybe allow them to make subtle changes & easing into it, like choosing pronouns and name, letting them choose hair style, dress how they want, wear binders if they wish. But also explain that you want them to sure about this permanent change and you wish for them to go to therapy before they make any medical decisions. At least that’s what I’d do. I’d want my child to feel comfortable in their own skin but also make sure they’re making the right choice with no regret.

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It’s a fucking phases theses kids don’t know what they are doing so you as a parent need to hold off and just be supported until he or she get at a age of he’s or she can decided on their own and you not be the blame for he or she decision . This fucking worlds going to hell! And no need to comment back to me because I don’t give a shit what anybody thinks of me or my words .

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There are 7800 genetic markers that differentiate males from females. Although I sympathize with the plight of anyone who feels as if they should be a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth, no amount of surgeries or hormones can actually change that. Ever.
Why try? Why pretend? Why not be a masculine female or a feminine male? Why not just be exactly what you are?

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Just because she hasn’t mentioned it before doesn’t mean she didn’t think about it you could tell her no drastic changes until she’s older but you could organise some counselling for her to be sure on things herself I would be supportive of her being who she is and her happiness being important

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I supported mine we cut the hair, got counseling, got new clothes, got boxers, and binders and changed name and pronouns at school and stuff but nothing legal/ no hormones or surgery till they were 18 because drs told us that the hormones could have adverse effects on young brains that already have so much going on then a year later they decided they were non binary and they didn’t need any of the surgery or anything so be supportive but do your research as well

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I would use proper pronouns, and let them dress however they want.
I personally wouldn’t allow any physical changes/medications though. :woman_shrugging:

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My daughter was 15 when she told myself and her dad that she wants to transition from female to male. I have explained to her that it’s hard for me to understand where she’s coming from and she will always be my baby girl but she needs to live her life the way that makes her happy no one else. My husband and I support her and lover her just the same as we always have.

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Encourage dialogue, help your child find a suitable support group and a therapist who can journey with them until they feel ready and at peace to take the very big step of hormone therapy. Educate yourself about the process. All the best❤️

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Male and Female nothing else seriously what has this world come to

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Tell her when she is 18 she can make that decision. Until then suck it up butter cup

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You need to look at the suicide rates of people that undergo surgery etc to change gender before you get too supportive of the idea, counselling and talking is what’s needed until they are an adult , then they can do what they want.

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When my then sister came out I think she was roughly 14, we had all guessed as he always described himself as “him, he, boy” before he was allowed on testosterone, he had to go through therapy and a see a psychologist to determine whether he was sound of mine and radi-ra-ra. He passed everything with flying colours and he’s been my brother now for 3ish years. Everyone supported his decision. The best thing you can do is show your support, let him know you are 100% ok with it and allow small subtle changes such as hairstyle, clothing, ect. And when he is a little bit older you will be able to delve further

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Baby I have no advice but I’ll pray for you. I support all open minds, choices, decisions… but I couldn’t imagine if it was one of my own what I would do.

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Such a scary thing and in the culture now-on phones, internet, school it’s almost pushed and encouraged at a time kids are struggling with sexuality, I hate it!!! Love your child, find a reasonable therapist, don’t encourage any changes in appearance. You are still the parent, not her.

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My sister is 14 almost 15 and has been out as non-binary for almost 2 years now, she’s been with her partner for over a year who is also out as non-binary, they both cut their hair short, dress the way they feel comfortable, it’s really important to be understanding of these things as you can cause some serious mental issues for your child.
Be open, let them express themselves the way they want too, yes they are young but they are also growing up in a world full of influence and everyone is thrown into a category. No matter what gender they choose to be, their always going to be your child and you should be able to love them through anything just as if your daughter was getting her period for the first time thought she had aliens ripping her stomach open.

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Therapy first then see what happens

Even if you might not completely understand just be supportive:)

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She’s 12! She’s probably being indoctrinated by all the leftist bs that’s on tv, school, etc…

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I hope and pray my daughter never pulls this on me. Not that I don’t want my child to be happy but honestly I think people do it for attention and to be different, possibly even seeing that’s its a generational thing. Not very many people age were transgender and now it’s a thing.

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So much transphobia and misinformation in these comments. Yikes. ;( With a lot of teens they go through and learn to manage social transition first. Family therapy is helpful for parents to learn about a part of their child they never knew about and help kids navigate the difficulties of social transition. Some teens who are trans take hormone blockers. Hormone blockers can be used for around 4 years depending on the individual and if they choose later that they want to continue puberty as the gender they were assigned at birth they can or they can start hormone therapy if they are not the gender they were assigned at birth. It essentially just buys some time to help with the development of secondary sex characteristics. It’s not for everyone and is over seen by therapists and a dr. If it’s an option.

But things like pronouns, clothes, names, hair styles, etc. are all part of social transition and supporting your kid through that and being there for them 100% will mean more to them than anything you could do.

Feel free to reach out if you have questions and I’ll do my best to help! :purple_heart:

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If that’s what makes your child happy then just be there to support them. I wish I could offer better advice but I guess this is one of those things where you’re just going to have to take it a day at a time and learn as you go. I hope that whatever happens that you and your child are happy. I mean that’s all that really matters isn’t it.

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Just be supportive of her decision. Your support alone will go a long way to help her.

I do know from a friend who’s trying to transition that they have to wait a year, talk to a phycologist and all that jazz to make sure that corrective surgery is what they really wanna do. They did start on hormone treatment, but they’re an adult. I am not sure how hormone treatment well affect your daughter being she’s young.

But being supportive and talking to doctors are definitely the first steps I personally will go…

Just be supportive of her decision don’t push her away or you might loose her

Everyone needs to chill talking about permanent changes he can’t permanently change anything about himself until he is 18 but he can cut his hair and dress like a boy and use he/him pronouns and change his name to whatever he chooses until such time as he’s 18 when he’s 18 then he can go through all of the surgical permanent changes that he wants after doing the required therapy and while therapy would be good for you and him right now don’t push him to go if he doesn’t want to because it could end up making him feel like somethings wrong with him . Talk to him about how he’d feel about going to therapy before just rushing him to a therapist. Therapy isn’t mandatory unless you’re going to go through with the surgical procedures and right now he can’t do them just help him go through the process of changing what he wants but take it in baby steps and ensuring that this is what he wants if he is happy just to act like a boy look like a boy and date girls like a boy for the rest of his life then that’s his choice be respectful and listen to him again nothing he does right now is permanent. Communication, respect, patience, love, acceptance and support is what everyone involved needs.

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That’s a hard one…I would definitely try to get to the root of it weather thats how she truely feels or it’s a faze or something someone else has said or done…

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Personally I would support his decision and call him by his preferred name and pronouns, let him dress how he wants, change his appearance how he wants (hair, chest binder) however I would probably have my child wait until they were 18 to start hormone therapy

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Just keep loving her. Find a great psych that deals in this. Make her a deal if she still feels this strongly AFTER puberty you will have that very life changing serious conversation.

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Nope nope nope wouldn’t be ok with me - this day an age just because they may like make things or boy clothing they feel they need to be male- when I was growing up- my sister was a tomboy but never had the desire to be a man. Society these days are fucked

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It’s posted in another group aswell

I personally think 12-13 years old is way too early to decide/understand
If she doesn’t want to wear girly things it’s ok

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If you do anything, tell her the truth, our DNA distinguishes what we are at birth, male or female, when we died it will remain the same no matter if we add parts, remove parts, or tell ourselves we are different. Our DNA never changes.

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I think if there has been zero signs I would book into a psychologist before allowing a child to make such a drastic choice .

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Don’t listen to all these homophobia people love her for who she is. Alls that matters is who supports her and loves her for who she is. It’s what makes her happy and comfortable

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I couldn’t be in this situation

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I honestly believe the youth and generation today are so brainwashed with the shit on tv and celebrities promoting all sorts of shit they are so confused!

If it were my child I wouldn’t allow it!

Support! And doctors . They will tell you what you need to know.

Probly just a phase next month might be emo

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All you can do is be supportive, I know a few people that have done the same thing and a few that grew up and are having the surgical part done and some that just want to wear boys clothes and have a different name but don’t want the surgical part done. I’d rather my child tell me than lock themselves away and be miserable. They may grow out of it but until then show them that they can count on you as thats a big thing for a child x

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Please support your child no matter what. Let them express themselves

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shes 12 .
Your either one or the other
Male or female.
You were born to be that gender .
There’s only 2
Either way in HER
DNA shes still going to be a she .
She will never be a boy
I personally dont think it’s right to change your gender nor should it be a choice. shouldn’t even be a thing . wtf is wrong with this world .
It’s not right

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My friend daughter was the same at this age. She is now 18 doing hormones. I think it’s stupid!

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She’s just a kid, way to young to even be thinking about that stuff

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As the mother. I would first suggest you read stories of both sides.
Those who have transitioned and stayed, and those who transitioned and regretted it.

The best way to make an informed decision is to be cognitively aware of the 2 sides.
I also would have your child look too.

There are many stories of transitioning and regretting it.
Look into what testosterone does to females.
It acts as a antidepressant and antianxiety.
1 year later, that wears off and those same feelings have resurfaced.

I’m not saying your child is wrong how they feel. This is a hard age and there also a lot of peer pressure.

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Have a talk with her. Find out if it’s a faze or she truly wants this. If she wants to change. Support her in every way she will allow you to.

When she is an adult she can do whatever she wishes. Until then, therapy.

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Being she’s so young id ask her if she would be comfortable in seeing a therapist for a few months or so then go from there. Women aren’t fully mentally developed until early 20s so in my own opinion I woukd say I accept this and we can get this figured out and youll be by her side and ask in return just to speak with a therapist first. I have nothing against transgender but gender dysphoria is so hard and so uncomfortable it should be something thoroughly thought through definitely since you haven’t seen any signs. Momma’s always want the best for their babies so thoroughly explain the right steps to go about it and everything in between.

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I dont really understand what is wrong with half of the supposed parents on here.

Do the research, join support groups not just for them but yourself. Talk to MULTIPLE doctors do not just get your information from just one. Sit down and talk to your child they may know exactly what they want and they may not. It’s a big transition physical, mentally, and emotionally for everyone.
If you truly love them and want to support them then do it. Let them learn and explore the options. Just because signs haven’t shown doesn’t mean they haven’t been thinking about it already for awhile.
Find someone that has transition they cab talk to and ask questions and learn not just the positive but the possible dangers. Be honest with them with how you feel with what you are questioning and what to know and in the end they will too. Good luck and remember the hardest and most important part is to just be there for them even if you don’t agree. It’s not your body, it’s not your mind, it’s not your life. And even though your feelings and thoughts are valid in the end they don’t really matter. Their feelings and thoughts are what are important
This last part if not for the OG parent post. It’s It’s those who said it’s a phase, a trend, too young, its not right, there are only 2 genders, I couldn’t handle this etc. Yall are disgusting and clearly not accepting of people. I pray that your children or any of your family members never hear you speak like this especially if they are Trans or thinking about transitioning. You are the reason Suicide rates are so high is the Trans LGBTQIA community. If you can’t accept your child no matter who they are or who they wish to be, then you have no business being a parent and your toxicity will drive your family away.

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I would be supportive but then also wonder how much media is pressuring if there hadn’t been signs before

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Support them whatever they decide.

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Listen to your child. No decision made at this age needs to be permanent. Puberty blockers are often a good choice at this age, to delay the development of secondary sex characteristics until they know for sure who they are, and who they want to be. Blockers don’t cause permanent change, they give a developing person time to think. Stop taking them and puberty begins again. Mental health wise, children questioning their gender are much better off with caregivers who take them seriously, who use their chosen names and correct pronouns.

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This unfortunately is like the “in” thing to do….it’s trending and popular. Be the parent and offer her support and therapy…she needs you to be the voice of REASON and not be the cool mom and say…oh honey, you be you, and be whatever gender you want to be. She’s clearly going through something…maybe she’s lacking attention from you, or her friends? Praying you find the right words to say to her and can give her what she needs right now. :heart:

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That’s a really hard one . I can’t imagine what she is going through . I would read up (both of you ) as much as you can . Let her dress any way she wants but I’d be dubious about any hormone treatment until she’s a bit older but that’s just me . Hope you find a way x

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I think it’s too young for any hormone blockers or anything like that, but you should let them dress and style their hair how they like and maybe see if there’s a name y’all like and try to be supportive. If this is what they want, I think these are appropriate steps to take to still be respectful but not let it get too far if they do decide that it’s a phase or they’re just experimenting. 13 is a weird age! Just be a good parent to your child and help them figure out who they are

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BE SUPPORTIVE!!! even if you don’t agree just be supportive! Start off slow. A hair cut, some new clothes. Let him live life as a male if he decides it truly is what he wants then take the steps to contact doctors and stuff like that, and definitely get him a councilor, someone he can express himself to without fear of judgment

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I agree just be there for her talk openly bout it.found out more together .

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Support her. Let her wear what she wants and cut her hair or whatever she wants to do. It’s her body and her life just be there to support her. I personally wouldnt allow any kind of hormone therapy until she’s grown but allowing her to express herself with clothes and hair isnt gonna do anything but show her you care and support her…

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Wow the amount of judgement comments is unreal :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: MY SON has done this and he’s now 15 and a happy healthy young male yes it’s heartbreaking as i miss my daughter BUT I now have a handsome young man who is amazing and will shine no matter what! They can’t legally do anything until 18 to start the changes they can only change there clothes and hair until then but if that’s what ur child wants then I would support them I have with my son but everyone is different alot of people don’t accept and that just shows what kind of person they are like it’s vile that grown adult can bully and say vile things to a child but here we are it’s what happens in the world unfortunately but never let it take ur child’s spark to express who they are coz honestly if that’s how they feel and u don’t support them and think it’s a phase or u brush it off they will grow to hate u! My son has received msges telling him he should die and everything and this is from adults all coz he’s transgender and it’s vile but I would say let ur child be who they wanna be it will make ur child more happy with u accepting them then u rejecting it I promise u that hun xxx my inbox is always open xxx

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I’d just support her. Let her cut her hair short and wear boys clothes for a while. No treatments tho. This could be just a phase not let it play out is my advice.

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Be supportive and find a therapist that specializes in this area. If your child is serious about this then therapy is typically required and there are forms that need to be signed off by the therapist to proceed with the legal and medical actions that will come next to make the transition, so I would start with therapy now to get the ball rolling. There will be one of two outcomes: it’s legitimate and you have already started the process, or she was just questioning things and therapy helped her realize that.

If it is legitimate then as her parent your best course of action is to be supportive. Ask her what she wants and needs from you, what pronouns and name she wants to be referred to, and be her champion! Stick up for her and make it known that you expect everyone - friends and family - to be on board and supportive too. If you don’t do that it will cause her harm and a rift in your relationship.

It is a learning curve for everyone, and if you make a mistake don’t apologize to her if/when she corrects you. Just say “thank you for correcting me.” That is a sign of your support and respect for this decision. If you have any other questions please don’t hesitate to message me. Best of luck!

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Put your foot down shes 13… she’s following a disturbing trend they think it’s the cool thing. Tell her your the adult she’s the child and under no circumstances is she allowed to do this as she is a minor. Tell her once she is 18 and not under your roof she can make her own choices. I would also take her to see a psychiatrist

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Being that age - it has nothing to do with wanting to be opposite sex- it’s the child trying to deal with hormones fluctuating- 13 is a hard age

I would support my child with their choice.

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Confer with pastor Robert Morris. He is a Godly man and knows the Word. Call and ask for prayer and guidance thru the Holy Spirit.

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My daughter is 16. She feels more like a male than a female. She’s definitely gay. She seems a little undecided as to whether or not she is going to transition, but basically I just support the hell out of her. Just support your child no matter how they feel. This all started for her around 13. I was worried at first that it was social media influencing her but she’s 16 and still who she is. Just support your child while they figure it out. We can remember what it was like being a teenager. She’s exploring herself. Just love her while she figures it out.

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