My daughter was caught by a friends mom watching adult videos: Advice?

So my seven-year-old daughter apparently got caught by her friend’s mom watching porn on her phone…she has a phone because her dad and I are getting a divorce, and she has to have contact with both him and me on our weeks…when I got her the phone, I put limits on it, restrictions on age on it…you can’t even get on Instagram on it, for instance…when I called my ex to talk to him about the situation, he immediately jumped to bust her a**…she doesn’t know the password to unlock the restrictions so in my head someone that knows the passcode is using the phone and putting those types of websites on it…this all sounds crazy and maybe I’m crazy but what would you do? How does it go about this? I’m talking to the mom that caught it tonight. I just don’t see how she can watch the dirty websites with all the restrictions and passcodes I have on her phone. Please help!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter was caught by a friends mom watching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Internet connection. Get her a plain flip phone or old school trac phone. That is plenty for calls without the web .

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You can bypass all those things if you know how. It probably means she is smart as heck. Old school it. Most basic phone with NO internet.

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You shouldn’t shame her for it. Don’t “bust her ass” talk to her about it and explain why it’s not okay for her to watch those types of things.

Get her a flip phone if it’s really for just calls and explain to her that it’s not bad , but at the right time there is no rush no hurry. Try to ask her if she has any questions for you or if she saw that from someone or they tried to “ teach her “ I have a 6 year old and I’m terrified for this moment :sweat:

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Where there’s a will there’s a way. I would talk to her about the birds and the bees and let her know that those videos are inappropriate for children. And take her phone, she is 7 and doesn’t need it. If she needs to talk to you during dad’s time, she can use dad’s phone and vice versa.

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Maybe she does know the password? Maybe it somehow bipassed the restrictions? Maybe u should wait to see exactly what it is and get on her phone and see what all u can do within the restrictions

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That is very disturbing if a 7 year old has actually searched for these videos & if she has you need to find out why she has.It would make more sense if someone has already been on her phone etc & the videos were already there but you need to sit with your child & ask her about this

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Have you asked your daughter about it? If it was her looking at those things then she needs to know its for adults and if its not her you need to make sure she’s in safe hands over at her father’s.

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Someone taught her that. Take her to a therapist asap

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Flip phone with no internet will stop that.

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First talk to the child and and ask her how she e e. Knows about those sights at her age

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This is a MAJOR red flag :flushed:

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Watch out for this site called imvu as well but you gonna have to erase all apps or get flip phone or a watch or tablet i dont lno …Plus have a conversation with daughter askn her how does she feel watchn that video who else saw it an has anyone touched her like that before plus dont make her feel in trouble get icecream or sumthn

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So you have a phone and your ex has a phone. I see no need for a 7 year old to need a phone. She can call you from his phone and she can call him from your phone. Ridiculous money spent for no reason

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Get Gabb wireless phones they are strictly only to call and text. No internet.

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Get her a gabb phone

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I would sit her down and ask her why she wanted to see such things that its not meant for girls her age. My guess is something in her life is going wrong and she doesn’t know how to tell you.

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She’s only 7! Take her phone, if my 7 year old was caught watching that I’d take the phone in a heartbeat, I get she is in between households but I’d much rather her use my phone if she needs to call her dad than her having her own phone. 7 is just way to young to be caught watching something like that

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My seven year old doesn’t know about any of this. She also doesn’t use safari. My question is does she have data? Or did someone get her into the wifi? What did she say when you asked her how she found thst

Do her dad knows her passcode

Family link is the best way to monitor your child. They can send you reqeust for app they want to download or look at and it will alert you if they are looking at material they shouldnt

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Get rid of the smart phone. Get her a basic phone that can only make calls. Kids don’t need smartphones. If they want a smartphone theyshould be old enough to get a job and pay for it.

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This is a major red flag. She is watching it because she has seen it or it has happened to her. You need her to talk to a trusted adult if she won’t talk to you. Ask her friends mom if her friend has sad anything. Sometimes talking to a child with a doll and using the dolls anatomy can help them open up.

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Change password asap

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Wtf what 7 year old even knows what porn is? Or even sex in general?

Put the child settings

A 7 year old has a phone? With internet access? :roll_eyes:

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Kids know alot more than you think they can get on sites no problem I have a hard time using my phone but these kids are very tech savvy seriously im nor sure how you can get a phone that has limits on it maybe a flip phone cause they still sell those its crazy and so scary good luck​:heart::heart::heart:

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Thats super worrisome and if actually get her into a fee sessions of therapy just to be sure nothing is going on

You need to find out what her father is doing to her

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I would take the phone for a good about of time. At that time get parent controls on that phone. Each night I would check her history to see what she is doing

You’d be surprised how easily kids figure out passwords. My son always figured out mine I don’t know how he did it, but I’d always wake up to him on my phone.

Don’t you have to pay for porn sites? Did dad use her phone one night and forgot to turn it off or empty search engines? Like wth kind of porn is out there that is free to watch and has easy access?

I definitely wouldn’t punish her, that will just shut her down and put distance between you. Take this opportunity to bring her closer, educate her, and keep her safe…shaming her will actually make the situation so much worse all around

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Maybe her dad uses her phone to watch it?

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I get y’all are split but why not get her a trac phone FLIP PHONE that doesn’t even have an option for internet then you don’t even need restrictions. There’s no reason a 7 year old should need a smartphone. But at 7 she shouldn’t even know there’s options to search videos of that nature or have a desire to. My 9 year old doesn’t even think in that way yet to where she would even be curious of things like that. Her curiosity right now is wanting to know how a baby comes out because I’m pregnant currently & then understanding boys have different parts than we do but she doesn’t even question what it looks like… she’s about to see because we’re having a baby brother so she’s gonna catch that at some point but that shouldn’t mean she’s gonna wanna see porn ? She asked how a baby gets in my stomach but I just explained it’s complicated to understand but I promise I’ll explain it to her when I know she’s ready & can understand which was totally fine to her. She doesn’t have access to internet at all on anything we have. She has a tablet but she isn’t even aloud on YouTube on it so when she has her tablet, she’s monitored the entire time so we always know what she’s doing or what game she’s playing. I feel like someone either showed her or told her or something happened To make her get here. I’d consider maybe a child therapist who could maybe get some answers because this isn’t normal at all. I also have a 7 year old & I couldn’t imagine her seeing that right now.

Contact your attorney

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A 7 year old child has no business to a 24/7 access phone restrictions or not, they are 7… I said it :smirk:

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My advice download family link you she can never download anything without your approval

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Parental controls are huge and I’m sure you’ll get a lot of advice about that. We put blocks on our actual home router.

The advice I’d like to give you is about the sex talk. When my 9 y/I was found looking at porn we had a conversation about how those movies, like all movies, do not depict real life. And we had a conversation about consent. That even in a lot of the videos he was watching the woman talks before it starts expressing consent, especially if the film is more … Aggressive. These are uncomfortable conversations. But if your child has been exposed, they need to be had.

Best if luck mama!

I would take her to talk to a child psychologist like right away! That is a really scary big red flag that something bad could be going on. Been through this with one of my ex’s kids
That’s how I know. Please do not drop it you need
To seriously do some digging now and figure out where the hell this is coming from.

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Communicate with her. Ask who has used or borrowed her phone. Ask how did she find the videos. She’s old enough to answer. Just be real calm and collected about it. Don’t allow emotions to overcome you.

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I watched these things early and it wasn’t for good reason, so please talk to her and be gentle about it…

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Don’t give her a smart phone or access to internet. Pretty easy to avoid. She is 7. And why can she not contact the other parent using the other parents phone? I think young kids having a phone is ridiculous, sorry my opinion though

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Believe me when I say even with Agee restrictions stuff like that can get through. My oldest was sitting next to me, this was several years ago, watching Scooby Doo videos (animated cartoons) and I look over and it was porn. It was animated, the scooby foo characters, labeled as a scooby foo cartoon but it was basically porn. It’s was Velma and Shaggy going at it. There’s a lot of instances where videos are labeled something else and/or they start off innocent enough appearing to be safe for a child to watch and then they slip porn in. Even with age restrictions YouTube is very hard to monitor. You could delete YouTube from her phone and put YouTube kids on it. The videos on YouTube kids seem to be monitored more closely.
When that happened with my daughter I didn’t punish her. She didn’t realize what was going on. Luckily I was sitting right next to her and saw it as soon as it started and grabbed it away real quick but she saw a little bit. I sat her down and talked to her and asked her if she understood why I took her phone and asked her if she had any questions about what she saw and explained to her in the best way I could without getting into too many details.

Get her a basic phone with just text and call. Or just let her use your phone to call him and she can use his to call you. Maybe look into getting a house phone.

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She doesn’t need a smart phone a good old flip phone will cut it. They can always find a way to get to the sites. My 11yr old was watching porn at school! I was like what in the world. :joy: Needless to say he isn’t allowed around phones yet. These kids are so sneaky. He said he clicked on a video and then on a cartoon character before he knew it he was on the adult site. I’ve heard of things like this before but he is shady. I know my own son lol.

This is an ugly world we live in. Watch your kids like hawks.

Your daughter is way too young for that to be normal curiosity talk to her and take her to the doctor she’s had to have seen something or something even worse has happened

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I have prenatal controls set up for my son tablet and and I can pick it up with controlled passwords and still get on unsecured websites!! You’ve got to completely lock everything down, however if I do that he can’t access some of the things needed for school or just plan knowledge!! I’d talk to her about it and the friends mom cause I’m sure it just wasn’t her idea to watch porn!

Get a gizmo smart watch phone

She probably has friends that have shown her or she stumbled across it one day and continues to watch it. Kids these days are a handful I listen to a bunch of grade school kids daily cuss and do things you would expect from teenagers

Turn off the internet on her phone. No wifi or anything. She should just be using it too call people that’s it.

Yes she can have a phone but for one dosnt need to be a smart phone or up to date one she can call and text thats it. Something is up if she know what to type in and how

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If she is at school and needs you, there is phone in the school office and baby sitter, can do the calling for her. When she want to talk to her dad, you do the connection for her and visa versa . No 7 yr old needs a cell phone. Take it away from her and tell her you can’t trust her to use the phone right.

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There is an app called family link… You will have to install it on both of your phones && have hers to set it up. It will let you block anything you don’t want her on && allow you to see everything she gets on. It also can be set to only allow her to use it at certain times. It’s a great app.

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Who’s email is it under? My 7 yesr old has her own phone also and I’ve attached my email because it wouldn’t let me download kids messenger on it with her school email.

Talk to the child and ask and explain any questions she has about this site and that it’s not for her age

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Google family link on the phone is what I
Recommend to parents giving children phones at work

I’d talk with everyone who had a pass code first. But really youd be surprised how quickly kids learn how to get around some of those parental safety features :roll_eyes:

Then I’d sit down and talk to her about what you found. Give her a chance to give her side.

Preferably with all parents.
Or take the phone just until you can get together with all three parents once you have all the facts to decide how to proceed.

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I agree with a couple people down load the family link and get your daughter in with a psych Dr and also make your lawyer aware of what’s going on because she is too young for this behavior and someone older is helping her and it is only going to get worse if it’s not stopped now .

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Don’t use corporal punishment or hard words for something every curious child does instead ask questions why they were on the site, children are curious if they hear about it a home or a friend brings it up at school, whenever to learn about their sexuality maybe even accidentally clicked on the site or whatever the reason, take this as one on one to communicate any questions or issues the child might have. Maybe limit internet and phone usage, change phone plan to only calls and text if the child does it again, don’t just take the phone away and ground them.

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Remove Google from it.

Flip phone that only does calls and text. 7 yr old doesn’t need to have a smart phone. Think 90s tween/teen phone.

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Proxy sites have been around since I was a teenager. You can get around any parental setting with them. We used to use them in high school to surf MySpace since it was blocked by school servers.

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We’ve had this at school…it gets shared in Group Chat by someone claiming to be part of the group. Seriously grim abusive porn and wouldn’t get through any filter but can land on a kids phone. Poor thing probably just opened the group chat.

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Make sure no one is grooming her

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Just talk to her, everyone here saying a 7 year old shouldn’t have a phone. My son has a phone and he is 5. He’s pretty responsible with it…

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They figure out everything even with restrictions with the smart phone why not get her one thatbis not a smart phone maybe an old flip phone or something of that nature

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if you have you tube or a search engine then you can watch it. amazon also has it. i promise you someone didnt sneak and put them on her phone…she found a way passed it. dont shame her. shes just curious. talk to her, explain its just entirely too young and inappropriate at her age and then go double check the settings and change password out of her line of site. something shed never guess. and then lie lol i tell my son (7) that i get a email anytime he tries to take off child lock and/or search something non kid friendly…and he believes me lol

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You should get her a jitterbug phone or maybe one of them watches thst the kids can call only a selection of a couple phone numbers.

But you have to tread lightly here Mama.
You don’t want to punish her, its human nature to be curious. You most definitely want youre daughter to come to you when she wants to talk or tell you about something. She will not do that if she feels she will be in trouble.

Honestly, youre going to have to have “the talk” about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees.
Just keep it age appropriate for now, and as she gets older revisit the talk and update it to cover things that would be age appropriate then.
For now ide just tell her thats how babies are made. Reiterate good touch bad touch with her. Reassure her she can ALWAYS come to Mama. No matter what anyone else says.
You also don’t want to lie to her st this point about what she saw, because then when she’s older she will know that you did infact lie to her.
Its a bit sooner than you expected. I’m sure.
Use this as a time to educate.

Also tell her father to NEVER mention this to her. He should stay out of this one. Il sure you’re daughter is so very embaressed and worried about the entire situation.

I hope it all works out well for youre baby girl thou. That is the most important thing of all

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And this is why my children will not have access to the internet

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Talk with her but I wouldn’t punish her because I don’t believe this is something she just stumbled upon someone was using her phone grooming her or something I was s.a and this is a giant red flag for me I would be more concerned for her and not mad with Hershey needs to know it’s wrong but she’s not in trouble

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Remove Google you can set many passwords and you can still see porn a d its probably someone looking at it. And she probably dont even on purpose go there I’m sure of it!

My opinion is NO seven year old needs a phone, if she needs to call you she can have an adult do it. Porn can pop up anywhere but if you truly have all these security measures in place then an older child or an adult did it. Don’t punish her have an open honest talk about what she saw and how it’s not appropriate for her age and not allowed in your home.

another point is…they still sell flip phones…she doesnt need a smart phone just to dial her dad…

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If she has snapchat it’s not hard to find those profiles… YouTube too… no app is perfect for blocking things unfortunately

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If its a smart phone with Google account, you can go check the history, and see exactly what has been watched/searched and when, id say a 7yr old wouldn’t know how to clear the history, so it should all be there, I did that when my partners friend used a phone I forgot to log out of, she downloaded all the dating apps like tinder, and it created them under my account, she then showed my partner that I had tinder, so I went on the history, and it was created from her phone, while my partner and I were watching a movie, with no phones, it also had searches with her birthday, and asking if it matches with another guys birthday and star sign, showed him that and she got snapped out. Once you know how long she’s been searching for it, and what days/times, you’ll be able to see when it started and where she was, and who was meant to be watching her.

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There are ways around it. And the more advanced with phones the easier it is.

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If she only needs it to get ahold of her parents then get a flip phone.

When i got my first phone it was a flip phone to be able to contact my parents only. So no data & they only had certain numbers i could call in there which was all family. Im 22 now but they still sell flip phones

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Those restrictions can have holes in them.

A kid doesn’t need a smart phone. Just give her a flip phone or a basic Nokia that can text and call that’s it.

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Does your daughter’s friend have older siblings that may have taken her phone and used it for that??

Personally, u should just talk to her. 7 is young. When she goes to school, there is no telling what she will hear or see. Keep a good close relationship with her. Smartphones are so cheap. The flip phones are ridiculously expensive. (I tried to get one for my mom with onset of dementia a couple of years ago) I now have a 14 and 20 year old that will talk to me about anything. My 14 year olds friends love me as well. They can come to me with anything and they know it. Talking to her, not punching her, she will know that she can go to u with anything as well. The way the world is today, that is a great relief. Trust me. Her knowing she can come to u, there will be less things she will do behind ur back.

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Why don’t you just turn off the internet on it? So she can just call, text, and use the camera.

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First off even if she going back and forth she should not have her own phone she she use her parents phone to call the other and if it truly is restricted then someone is allowing it and I would find out

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Talk to your daughter FIRST. Don’t shame her or anything. She probably stumbled on it by accident. The better question is who gave her the idea, if it wasn’t an accident. The mom who caught her-whats her kid up to??

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Download MMguardian app it shows you everything they get on you can block websites apps find location when needed

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People actually put porn in the middle of kids shows and have been on kids you tube before. This could be a few different things

They make cell phones just for kids which dont have internet access

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I wasn’t even allowed to have a phone until I was 17 :sweat_smile::woozy_face: I got made fun of by all the kids but all the teachers praised me for it

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Get her a non smart phone. No 7 year old needs access to the Internet unattended.

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Get her a flip phone

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Kids will get curious. I was curious at a young age so I know my kids will find out about things even when their stuff is filled with parental control. You can’t really stop that from happening. My son is older now and we have had the talk and I want him to feel he can come to me with questions or concerns about sex. As much as I hate it, I think back to when I was a kid and was punished for watching it or talking to friends about it who didn’t know crap at that age. I wish I had someone to talk to about it.

Seven is way too young for a phone.

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Both my 6 and 8 year old have ipads, not phones, but still the same… I even allow them to have YouTube, kids Facebook, tiktok, etc… everything is under my account. They can’t do anything without my approval unless it’s something I didn’t restrict. But I can always go back and see anything they do. My kids also come to me to talk about anything and know that they always can. This is for all of you people saying something about her child having a phone for whatever reason. It’s her child… she can do as she pleases just as you all can with your own children. She asked yalls opinion on her situation, not on her child having a phone.
Ps… I raised my kids to have manners and be respectful and that has not changed due to any apps on their tablets :wink:
Good luck with your situation. Sorry I couldn’t be of any help.

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Talk to her first but don’t shame her for it. 7 is a little young but for me, that’s around the time I became curious as well. If you talk to her about it first, being as understanding as possible, she’ll know that you are her safe place and can come to you for anything. Also, kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for. They can find loopholes around those restrictions like you wouldn’t believe.

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If you download family link onto your phone and your child’s phone you can limit times on everything and or block EVERYTHING! You can block everything but phone calls if you would like. You can also see where she is. Set bed times where the phone is no longer useable except to call you and or dad. It’s an amazing parental app to have for children with phones.

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