You are being abused, Hon… I would advise you to leave, but I know how hard that can be from personal experience. He won’t allow you to work so he can keep you under his control. Please contact a shelter and someone there can help you and your sweet baby leave.
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Sounds like he gets the milk and doesn’t have to buy the cow comes from the saying why buy the cow when you get the milk for free
There is Plenty of resources that will help you and your child get on your feet. Have you Even tried? Because if you’re not even married to him and you don’t live as a couple they will make him ho to work and they will also pay for day care.
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Get a job. Why are you depending on an ex? Why does he have a say so in what you do and don’t do? Sounds like you’re in jail. Get a job and move out and live your life. Your son can still see his dad and have a relationship with him you don’t need to be living there for that to happen. Sounds so miserable and you deserve better
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You’re not sure if your son will properly be taken care of if you leave? Would you not take him with you?? You’ve been taking care of him his whole life, you’re his mom… where you go… he should go. He should come first. Staying in that situation is only teaching him how men shouldn’t treat women. Get out of there!
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He doesn’t get to say you’re not allowed to work, ESPECIALLY if he doesn’t want to meet your basic needs. Your child is his too, and he needs to take responsibility. Put your resume out there and try…and then don’t ask him, TELL him he’s going to take care of your child while you work. Or you can ask the other child’s mom to take care of him, maybe offer to pay a small amount since she’s also living at your house.
I know it can be hard to put your foot down and be assertive. But that’s what you’ll need to do until you can afford to leave.
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Pack a bag for you & kids and get a bus or train as far as possible away from him there is a lot of help out there so use it x
Ask state for help til you get one your feet
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Gouvernement assistant?? Or get a job and daycare and then u can ask for child support! Staying is sometime even worse then leaving!
Seems like in ur case staying is worse
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Stop doing things for him. Care for you and your son. Separate everything! His clothes, his dishes, his trash. Everything, leave it for him. Cook smaller meals so they’re is just enough for your son and yourself.
It’s time you start looking for a job and move out. He cannot stop you from working just cause he’s laid off. Your ex is controlling every single aspect of your life and you need to regain your freedom and independence from him. You can take your son with you if you leave also he can’t stop you from that since you’re the child’s mother. Reach out for resources etc
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Where I live, if you go to a shelter and explain your situation: you’ll be in the shelter for a week at most before they find you an apartment, while you’re looking for a job. (Most of the time they will pay for your first months rent and deposit) The apartment might not be the greatest, but it’ll be a roof over your head until you can afford more. They’ll also help you with childcare and things of such. There are resources out there to help you!! Going to a shelter is NOT going to get CPS called on you if you are truthful and tell your story! You got this mama, hugs!!
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Get a serving job and start stashing cash in the home where he won’t find it until you have enough to leave id save enough for rent and deposit plus a couple extra months and electric and utilities. You can do this. He’s making you be a co dependent on him. Sounds abusive like he has you trapped. You can reach out to shelters too. Lots of good guidance on here.
Honey you’re going through a mental transition. It’s been years y’all have gone from intimate to friends to now the unknown. Now that you have your boy there are lots of jobs you can do from home. I’m a stay at home mom myself but I work during the day. Maybe that’s a good compromise for both of you right now but take the money you make and stack it for you and your baby and get out there on your own. As scary as that sounds you definitely need to establish your own rhythm. Please pay no attention to these disgusting humans making you feel like you’re wrong. You did and are doing what you thought was best and you’re realizing maybe that dynamic doesn’t work anymore. That’s normal. We outgrow people and things all the time. If you want I can send a few lady products to you no woman should have to live like that. Please let me know if I can help. I also have the link to my job. $20/hr to start, no sales, equipment provided, great insurance, even better benefits. I’ve been here for 3 years and it’s really awesome. Women should help each other in this situation not tear each other down. I’m sorry that there’s is so much stanky c00chie energy on this post.
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You 100% just explained my life!!!
My 7yr old nephew loves with us and my 7yr old daughter.
I can’t work because he won’t watch my nephew…
He is laid off right now u til Dec and literally does nothing to help
I feel you
You’re not alone
Xo 
You need to take your son and leave asap
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Start a job asap. Bank up sweetheart. He isn’t going to change.
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That’s abuse you need to get out while you can
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Uhm, he isn’t allowing you to work? He isn’t your boss. This is what you call financial abuse. Take your baby, and GTFO of there. No one is making you stay. You have become comfortable with the abuse, thud you are allowing it to continue. Get out if not for yourself than your baby. You don’t want them to grow up to and think that the life you’re living is normal.
Also- there are services out there in place for people in situations just like you. If you have to you can call cps on him and when they get there explain to them what’s going on and they will help you get out.
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You can get a job. He doesn’t own you and you certainly don’t own him. The kid will be in school soon so get a job that works for you and your child. Save money and move out. Also stop doing everything and live in the pit they make for themselves. Just keep telling yourself it’s only temporary. You do have the power in yourself to make a change. Go do it regardless off what he says!
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Are you medically not able to work? It’s not him that has a say in it at all. If you medically can’t work I’d suggest applying for aid. And if you can work you can apply for housing, food stamps and churches can help you with your toiletries. A church can even help you move out so you can work on obtaining these things because that is ABUSE!
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call around there has to be a shelter that can help where are you located I can look for you
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Screw him, girl! Go apply for government assistance/HUD housing. Also, check out the women shelters, that’s considered abuse. No woman should ever have to live like that. He sounds controlling! Get your son and get out of there. If he wants to be a part of his life, make him make the effort! You gotta take care of YOU and your son, not his sorry ass! 
He wont buy you anything? He has no job. Besides, you are not his woman. You are not his responsibility. Find a sitter, go to work and stop trying to depend on a man that ain’t yours. Unless you have some sort of disability why can’t you work or apply for services with HRA?
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Ur an adult… you don’t need his permission to go get a job!
Get up early(B4 he gets up), leave a note (take a pic of the note so he don’t try something tricky n get u for abandonment) & go job hunting!
I feel soo bad for you being in that situation… he should at least get u some feminine products!! How cruel!!!
I seriously hope things improve for you & ur Son!!
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Won’t let you? What right does he have to say any thing? Get a job, enroll your child in daycare. Screw him
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Ask for Help through the state and get the hell out of there with your son!
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What in the world were you thinking when you agreed to this living situation. So basically he has a free nanny and housekeeper. No no no!!! You get yourself a job, and you get yourself out of there. He is not working right now so the childcare responsibility should be in him. In the meantime make sure you set up other child care arrangements.
You need to do better by showing your son the example of what a strong woman looks like otherwise he will turn out like his father
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He won’t let you work?!?? Whaaaaat. Honey, you’re a grown woman with a child. It’s time to change your mentality a bit. Go get a job, save up and look into resources available to you. He’s doing more than using you. Stand up and take that first step even if it may be scary. Go get a job and watch how things become a lot easier mentality wise.
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Contact your County social services to see if you can get help financially/housing for you and your son. Look for a job and let him watch your son.
Sounds like a damn prisoner. Except prisoners get person hygiene things. Girl make a plan and try ro get out. For you and your sons sake
If you have some time, apply for jobs and maybe ask a friend to watch your kid. Or do “kid swap” with someone if you can’t afford to pay ATM. That’s what my girlfriend and I do. I watch her daughter and she watches my daughters and that way we both help one another out with no money to be spent. Bank up your money, move out with your child & become an independent woman. It will be hard at first, but after awhile you will feel better then ever! I promise you.
If time isn’t an option, go to a family shelter and find a job. Usually those places will provide day care so you can work and get on your feet to be able to move out of there. Access ALL resources that your city offer! Start looking in your area asap. Get information. Get out! 
You do not need his permission to get a job and your life back .
Girl, there should be programs/ agencies that can help you out .
Go to a social services agency, or a shelter they can help you with a place and work .
There’s also the opportunity to find a live in job as a nanny or a helper , just look in groups near where you live, and do not be scared , your life is worth the change
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If he won’t let you work it’s because he’s scared that once you’ve become independent then you’ll leave him.
Since you have no money, no where to go, you’re basically his hostage.
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Get out of there! Reach out to state and get a job!!!
Try reaching out to a transition house, they will def help you get out of there!
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You need to be strong for your child. Call an attorney, get advice and start the process of suing for custody.
Then call the non emergency police and say you need someone to come out and be there with you while you pack. Then leave.
Find somewhere to stay. They have places for women in your position.
Government funding for food, shelter, healthcare, and even daycare. Seek help. Do something. Anything other than staying in this situation where you are literally being abused and used. GET OUT.
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Please seek out your local recourses, such as A women’s shelter for DV victims & women getting on their feet, they can help you get on the right track to possible section 8 housing & point you in the directions of churches & IAMS that can help with basic essentials for you and your son and stuff like foods, that way you can get a good start on the road to being a single mom who feels whole again 
definitely go to the health department for guidance in the right direction cause usually they work with those organizations to help people like you in need! Goodluck to you & your son:heart:
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Sounds exactly like my ex. I ran as fast as i could. I suggest you do the same.
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Get a job and set yourself free!
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Get out and go to a shelter. You are definitely being used
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Not to sound mean but You are codependent. Your son can go to prek and you can find a daytime job while he’s in school. There are workforce investment programs that will pay for appropriate clothing for work or uniforms. Sending positive vibes your way.
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What do you mean he won’t “allow” you to work?? 7 yrs old is school age. Find a job that will let you work school hours. Save up and take your kid and move out!!
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Get a job, put your child in daycare, and start saving so you can move out. If you have somewhere you can go temporarily, get out now.
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#1. He’s not your “great friend “….far from it. Why can’t you “make money” (work)?..… contact some agencies for help….public assistance, abused spouse, etc. You and your son need a new environment/home……it is not good for neither of you.
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Where im from social services will help with daycares and housing. Might be on a waiting list though. I would try at least. Theres a lot of places out there that could help you. You dont need his permission to go do what you want to do. Since your son is 4 he could qualify for preschool.
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- Find resources that help single mothers! They usually help with:
- Find job and childcare
- Create your own support system with friends! To help it takes a village to raise babies, since ex isn’t much help
- Lawyer up and take his ass to court, legal aid or other resources to get the help you need
- Have faith and it will get tough over a few months but don’t give up
First thing you do Is go to your states human assistance building get an appointment and tell them your predicament . They’ll help you get work and childcare until you can provide childcare for yourself.
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Firstly…youre not living there rent free. You keep house , look after his child, dogs etc…thats a job . He couldn’t afford to hire someone to do the jobs you do so you are not living rent free. he wont allow you to work so you’re stuck
I assume its his house not joint ?
Your brothers ex gf is living rent free…she does nothing unless of course she’s warming his bed for him 
. Dont look after those chickens thats her responsibility
If its his house…wait till he’s out the house, pack up yourself and your son and leave.
If its joint …stay and get a lawyer …youll be entitled to legal aide
You have rights and you’re not getting them. Make a plan
Look into womens shelter in your area. They will help with benefits, housing, work, childcare , legal advice. Youll have somewhere to go , they’ll help you leave and get back on your feet.
Youre not friends…hes using you.
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Your EX is telling YOU what you can and can’t do? Move on! Take your son with you. Why are you under the impression that you can’t take him with you. What’s your custody arrangement? Your child’s going to starting school soon. Make an plan and leave. He’s an ex for a reason.
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Your baby is old enough for pre-k. Try getting either a work from home job or a night shift one that starts after he’s in bed. Save up money and get out.
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Ummm. NO YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS. Sorry Hun. He is mentally abusive and disrespectful. This is not how you treat a true friend. You are depressed and so is he. He also feels threatened that if you do get a job and it is successful you will become independent and are able to throw him out and he has no where to go as well. It would be a blow to his manhood. But to not get you personal necessities is uncalled for and also mentally abusive. Stand up for yourself and DEMAND respect and what you need. I don’t understand why you don’t go get them yourself honestly. But I’m thinking he has control of all money. Do you have family to help. If not go to a shelter for women. They can help you get in your feet. Just so you know vitamin D3 is a natural antidepressant. My husband was suicidal and diagnosed as low and deficient in this. I have him 2 a day and a month later he became better. And stopped talking about death and started enjoying company of friends and family. You Must get out now. There are so many places and things you can do. A local church should have advice or alternative housing. God bless you.
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I’d start by trying to find a job and then find your own place. Sounds like your living situation is very unhealthy and you and your son deserve better. Once you have a job you can try and apply for government asistance until you get on your feet, and once you leave go file for child support.
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Look for a head start program in your area. Some are free if you qualify… it can be a place your child can go where you work part-time. Then look for a job… You can be an Instacart shopper where you only work in the store… start planning your escape… you don’t have to live there . Look for a woman’s shelter. It’s not going to be easy but you can do it.
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Where do you live so I can look up the local resources to see what’s out there, because you can’t stay in that place where he’s stealing your dignity. Be careful don’t tell him that you’re leaving, that’s what I did and he went from being emotionally abusive to trying to kill me because I didn’t have any reason to stay quiet about the way he treated me anymore
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It will take courage and personal strength to follow the advice given above but things will only get worse for you if you do not do anything. You will find that your child will resent you and may learn to follow his father’s treatment of you. Get help now. You have access to a computer then use it to do research or find help. Things won’t get better if you do nothing.
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Charge her to take care of her chicken or sell them. Its not your problem.
Hes 4 now next year he will be in school and you should work around that and save to leave. Then file for child support.
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You are not “great friends” nor are you single. You’re playing house without any of the benefits of a partnership. Go get a job, arrange for childcare, and stop playing housewife. Like, is this even real??
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Get a job and put your child in childcare. Take the control back and still “live for free” hahaha
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Women’s shelters, some places have them… they’ll take you and your son in and help you start a new life. Get out soon. This can only get worse.
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You’re not even allowed sanitary napkins but you’re great friends? Apply for assistance or whatever its called wherever you are and leave. Now!! Daycare subsidy if you want to work.
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First, get a divorce. There are lawyers who will do it for free. Look it up on the internet for your area. Get out and get in a woman’s shelter with your son. They can help you get what you need to be independent. Once you have a divorce you can get child support. Get a job or get help through social services in your state. Your ultimate goal should be independence and ability to take care of yourself and your son.
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Start looking for a place contact places for help for help tell them your in the process of moving look into section 8 housing tell them it’s an emergency u need somewhere maybe they can put you into a hotel room until tou get on your feet.
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Move out ASAP. Make a plan and stick to it. Get your son into daycare so you can get a job and go to your local welfare agency and explain your situation and they will get you child support and possibly food stamp and money assistance until you get a safe place for you and your son to live. Stop staying in this situation and being a victim and teaching your son that it’s okay to be treated in you this way. It may be a struggle but no more than you were already going through. Good luck
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Apply for cash assistance also this counts as financial abuse
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You need to be strong so you can be a good mom for your son. Dont be a victim.
There are single moms everywhere working hard and providing for their children. Put your son in pre-school. Get a job and save. Move out and get away from him. Your son needs you too be a strong mother and give him good role models. Dont pick up after anybody else except for yourself and your son.
SRS helps moms out as well. They do have services that will pay for child care, help with food and housing.
If you do not get your son out of there he will grow up to be like his father. Teach him to be a better man.
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You are definitely being used. I recommend that you contact your county or state government and let them know what’s going on and ask for any free counseling that’s available. That will get you on the path to learning how to take care of yourself. Try to keep this information to yourself and see if you have a friend who would be willing to watch your son for a while. It’s going to take some time but you can get out of the situation
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Come on now. I feel for your heart, but be real. Daycare is very easy to get, and everyone is hiring. To say “he won’t let me” puts you in a victim position and that is not the case.
What you allow, will continue. Get real, if you’re not happy, leave. And leave the chickens there. Tf?
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I would search for your local domestic abuse shelter. What you are describing is emotional and financial abuse - power and control. They will likely shelter you and the kids and help you get on your feet
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Do you have a friend close by that would be willing to help or even a family member please get out asap you don’t need to be treated like that and made to use toilet paper for your personal needs because I think using toilet pay can cause you to get an uti real quick do you have any left over diapers if so use as a pad temporarily until you can some how get pads/tampons whatever your preference be
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Sounds as if you’re both using each other.
The only way to make a change is to do it yourself.
Not to be so harsh but regardless if his father is in the picture or not, I would put my big girl panties on and do what I need to do for myself and my child as if there was no other way.
Having help is great. Having help that comes with stipulations is not. Not taking care of yourself is on you tbh.
There’s a plethora of agencies that help single moms. Especially low, or no, income families. Use the resources your county/city has for you.
Venting and being frustrated is valid, but expecting change when you’re not making changes and choices to better your situation, how can a group of strangers help?
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You do not be living together. When your done your done. He can still control you that way. You need to get a job and leave with your son. Set up day care ( the state can help). It’s not him not letting you. Your not letting yourself and obeying him. If you really wanted to leave you would
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No ma’am that is not friends even a human needs basic necessities to take care of themself even sanitary napkins that’s pretty s***** that he won’t buy them for you but he can manage to drink and go tan, also your son is old enough to go into some kind of pre-K or Head Start program so you can get out of the house so that you can look for a job. There are plenty of resources out there you just have to look for them Workforce Solutions is a great program they will help you find work and they will help you get your child enrolled into a daycare program so that you can look for work and they will also help you either pay for full daycare from them or they will help you pay based on what you bring in if you get a job. And as far as your sister goes you need to charge her for them chickens or you need to call animal control and have them come pick the chickens up that is not your responsibility. We all need help sometimes
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He won’t let you work? Does he own you? I thought he is your ex?.. he doesn’t get to control what you do. Go to a woman’s shelter and file for child support. During that time. Also apply for any other assistance you can get being a single mom. (Most states have a daycare program free/subsidized) find yourself a job. Work towards your own independence.
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Get out call someone to help you that’s no life take your son with you that’s abuse
Child support, alimony, and go to court for spousal abuse.
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I would get with a domestic violence shelter. Technically what you’re going through is financial abuse. They offer childcare and some even have funding for housing. To qualify for state assistance for daycare you have to already have a job. I wish you the best. You deserve a better life!
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This is called ‘modern day slavery’.
This man is NOT a great friend.
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Most states have some really great assistance for single mothers. Please research what’s available in your state. You only live once…this sounds miserable. You deserve a lot better.
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Take the kids and run or kick his ass out.
Why can’t you make money? You should look into childcare which should be free right now if neither of you are working.
4 is old enough for PreK. Enroll him in school, get you a low income apartment, get a job and put daddy dearest on child support.
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Woman with children shelters
Or at this time and moment plenty of assistance for housing food stamps etc.
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Contact a family attorney and start the process of separating from him. Get assistance from any programs in your area to get housing, snap, etc. Then take his ass toncourt for child support.
Do you drive? Do you have a car? You can Doordash when your son goes to bed or goes to pre- school. Or instacart.
Or, you can start going to the thrift store (there’s one by me that has a $0.50 day) and start finding decent clothes that either you can wear or you can sell on Facebook marketplace (sometimes without a fee).
Go apply for aide , then asap look for work, start small and baby steps do not be hard on yourself ! Find a church you like , if your willing, I like a good uplift when I’m low and church , a good pastor that is a great speaker can help keep us motivated.
You’ve got this , it’s time, don’t be afraid , you can do this !!
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He won’t let you? That’s non of his business if you work. I’m confused.
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He has you right where he wants you and nothing will ever change until YOU change it.
The folks above are correct. Get out now. I know; sounds easy when it’s actually extremely difficult. Do you have any family who could help, even if it’s to just lend you a vehicle and a couple hundred bucks for gas $ and food?
What state are you in?
And when you do leave, do NOT tell him in advance. He’ll either block your escape or suddenly (and very temporarily “change”)(then go back to his typical behavior).
Find assistance in your state but honestly, I’d pack my kids up and get to the other side of the US, someplace he’s never heard you talk about
PLAN ahead. Gather you and your children’s birth certificates and Soc sec cards. Pack lightly but get the basics.
Once you hit a state far from there, contact the police and tell them you need help. They’ll know where to send you. Tell them you’re leaving an abusive relationship and to not let him know where you are.
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Get child care assistance and go get a job. Then get that baby and leave.
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That doesn’t sound like great friends, that sounds like he thinks of you as his own personal live in maid. Not acceptable!
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Go to a shelter with your son they will help you get back on your feet
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That’s NOT your friend.
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Yeah you need to figure out different living arrangements, this is ridiculous! You can’t even get pads or tampons? You’re still living with an abusive asshat if you can’t work due to illness/disabilities. If that is the case apply for disability or hell even welfare. Anything is better than living like that
He is holding you there and abusing you knowing you have nothing and no where to go. Reach out to authorities and ask for options to get help. Once you’re gone you will see a lot of opportunities you never knew were there.
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I understand her…no transportation; no money; no nothing- gals she is being kept dependant
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Sounds like you need to get a job so you can get out of there asap
First you can do anything you put your mind to.You don’t have to live like this.Chose to get a job,stay with family,friends ect.Check out resources.Put your son in a healthy environment!!!You don’t want him growing up seeing this!Once you leave you will feel better.More self confidence moves Mountians.More you stay you and your son will need psychiatric for mental abuse.Remember you can do anything you put your mind to do!!
You can get so much help hun. A lot of people think they are stuck like you who are not educated on the amount of state help you get! They can help you with a home sometimes rent free, food help… free child care and so so so much more and can even help with Electric and propane.
Just gotta call your local health department or social services and they can set you up with everything you need!
I hope u get out of that situation I have bene there!
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Go to a shelter and find a job, where there’s a will there’s a way.
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As far as the finances, there is a real thing called Finanacial Abuse. Look it up! It is well worth an attorney!
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