Drown in it. Let him live his life, if you are concerned he wouldn’t make the right decisions for your kids that much then chuck a protection order on him. If its not protection order worthy then stop being petty. He doesn’t need permission from you as those are his kids to id only be mad if i knew he was 100% irresponsible and knew he wasn’t capable of making decisions for the kids sake. If that was the case the kids wouldn’t be with him lol
Plus the more fam for your kids the better!
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Honestly I would’ve wanted to meet her first and make sure they’ve been together for a while before that even happens, but my BD knows that already as I’ve discussed that with him.
It has nothing to do with us being separated or that I “still want him” blah blah (I’m gay lol)
It has to do with mutual respect of each other and understanding that the other parent needs to know who is around your kids.
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He doesn’t need your permission.
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I mean before I met my fiance’s daughter, he did tell her mother. She wasnt happy because she stated she didnt like me (she didnt know me) BUT respected he told her. Now me and her mother are on amazing terms and I’ve been in his child’s like for 4 years, almost 5. I am gonna say, he doesn’t have to tell you unless it’s in court papers, and you cant control what he does. If it’s getting serious though, why shouldn’t he let her meet the two of y’alls daughter?
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You probably would introduce your boyfriends without his.
He doesn’t need ur permission they are his kids too what he does with his time his business same as urs
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Why does he need your permission to introduce his kids to his new girlfriend?
Would you ask his permission to introduce your kids to anyone?
You two are no longer an item and he doesn’t need your permission. What he does with his time with them is his business just like what your do with them is your business. I’m sure you haven’t asked permission to introduce the kids to your new “man” either. Nothing you can do.
Well my ex got a gf and I didn’t even know it im not sure when he even first met her I guess it was never a issue she knows my kid is my kid and thats that and she is not his step mom as much as she tells people she is they get my son once a week. And he is there only for his dad and her son which is my sons age. She hasn’t really stepped on my toes as far as trying to punish him or anything so I guess I just really don’t care. He doesn’t even really talk to her they have been together for 5 years or so. But ur situation maybe different
You can’t really put your two cents in and tell someone how they should feel in this situation unless you’ve lived it, and even then, yours could be a different scenario. (I just see several married people commenting that it isn’t a big deal).
It’s a respect thing for both the other parent AND your child/ren.
A decent single parent typically waits 3-6 months at minimum to introduce their child to a (then not new) significant other, because what child needs new men or women in and out of their lives constantly because a parent may have a bad taste in men or women?
Once again, if both parents are trying to have a healthy coparenting relationship, it’s a respect thing. And it’s also honestly a safety thing. At least take the time to get to know someone well before you introduce them to your children.
Is it really a death sentence to let your involved ex know when you plan to introduce the children?
I’m sure nobody likes the fact that they have to share their kiddos, but relationships fail and we all have to move on. There’s still a respectful and safe way to do it.
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Why would he need your “permission”? Have there been safety issues in the past?
In a perfect world it would be discussed but I notice a lot of moms feeling like kids and “their” kids and in truth they are both of yours. That means different things to each family but dads aren’t second class to moms. They get to make decisions all on their own, including when they date someone long enough to take the next step and meet the kids.
Why would you need permission
I can understand your frustrations with the situation. But you two are longer together and he can do as he pleases and doesn’t need to get your permission on the matter. I have also seen co parents communicate really well and make them aware when they start dating again or start a relationship since it does effect the kids. But at the end of the day he doesn’t need to tell you.
He doesn’t have to receive permission for him to introduce the kids to her. Yeah it can hurt but in the end it’s going to happen. Now it would be better for him to wait until he knew for sure where him and her stand. Growing up my late mother had so many boyfriends when I was a kid. It was hard to keep up at times. But this is going to happen whether you accept it. Sorry if I’m being blunt here my kids father hasn’t been in the picture for nearly 4 years. And I just now stared daring and I’m not about to ask him for permission for anything granted my situation could very well be different than yours. Just try to understand this will happen cause he has moved on.
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My ex husband moved some girl he met on a dating site a month after meeting her and her 3 kids and my kids met her about the same time he moved her in
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Will you be waiting for Your ex to give permission when you meet someone ?
I highly doubt it. It’s not your call
Unfortunately when kids are at dads house we do not get a say in who they bring around the kids. Unless you both parents have it stated in the parenting plan about expectations when meeting new SO’s.
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Sorry but he does not need your permission to let his kids meet his new girlfriend. Remember they are his kids as well not just yours. Sorry you sound like you don’t like him having a girlfriend or you are a control freak
I could see u being mad if it’s a NEW relationship and they haven’t been together long. But y’all aren’t together and this is bound to happen! Just have a conversation with it with him ask to meet her so u know what your kids will b around. No point in being mad that don’t help the situation
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Are you asking permission to introduce his kids to your partners or people he may not know? Unless his a threat, you have no say.
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Move on, he does not need your permission, for your children’s sake accept her.
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Did you guys have an agreement about that sort of thing?
Despite what many are saying there are states that frown upon that and view it as not in the best interest of a child.
My ex told me he has to meet anyone I date before they meet the kids and the same goes for him. We also have to be dating for 6-9 months before they meet.
It’s more of a stability thing. Introducing to children to everyone you date is unnecessary and irresponsible. You shouldn’t get kids attached to people you aren’t serious about. Which is why we have the 6-9 month stipulation.
Its only an issue if there is any reason to question the type of company he keeps…
They are his kids to not just yours, its not just your decision when it comes to their life he gets a say to! You don’t get to dictate who he is with and whether or not he feels its time to meet his significant other. You need to trust him as a father and respect his decisions to kids can tell when there is tension between mom and dad they are alot smarter and aware then parents give them credit, you should be doing everything to have as much of a positive co parenting relationship with your kids dad for your kids as they need to see that kind of positive relationship
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Trust him as the father of your kids . He wouldn’t introduce them to her if he didn’t feel it was right too. Those are his kids too. What you and him had is in the past. If she is important to him , then you need to accept that and move on. If you trust his judgement then accept it for what it is.
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I see where your coming from I would be pissed aswell but then it’s a good thing in a way, like it was unplanned so nothing will be rehearsed. They will either see her for her true self or for who she really is. I guess now you can ask your kids what they think of her and what vibes they get from her and then you can go from there.
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I think it’s important for the parents to meet the new spouse before the kids do just out of respect my biggest thing was I wanted to meet my ex gf before she met our son i was fine with them introducing i just wanted to get to know her as well since it must be pretty serious for him to introduce our child to his gf and she would be playing a big roll in our sons life of course he agreed to that but found out she already met our son I was pissed because we already agreed to it but I cant control what he does my situation is different just because she turned out to not be a very good person and has some issues and still comes around my son sadly if she wasn’t the way she was with my son and posting inappropriate pictures of my son on social media I would have no issue with her I think thats something that you two need to sit down and talk about find a middle ground that works for you both with out conflict
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I can understand the feelings behind this for both you and the father. He has a new woman in his life and wants her to know his kids. He wants to spend time with both at the same time is valid. You thinking that you should have been told before hand as a courtesy and not asking for permission, would have been nice. Have y’all talked before about what would be an agreed upon waiting period to introduce a new partner to the kids? If you have a custody agreement, does it state the waiting period? For many couples they think ahead and enter a designated waiting period before the kids are introduced and when the new partner starts to spend the night while the kids are there. If you haven’t verbally agreed or have it in the custody agreement, then you can be upset all you want. However you don’t have a leg to stand on and he can do whatever he wants. As can you.
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I wish we had control
Over this type of situation and communication would be wonderful,
But sadly we don’t get to dictate the time the other parent has with the children…
Talk to your child , ask how they feel
And be supportive of their feelings.
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Answering as someone whose parents were divorced when I was a kid…if the parents did a good job of explaining the divorce and what it means, and that no matter what changes between the parents the kids’ relationships with each parent are unchanged, then you don’t need to worry about it. The worst thing you can do is make it more complicated by insisting on giving each other permission to introduce new friends, altering visitation privileges until you approve of your former spouse’s new relationships, or being upset-especially in front of the kids-about their parent’s new friend or partner. Kids want to feel safe with each of you and to know you love them no matter what. It is nearly impossible for you to involve yourself in your ex’s relationships without it creating tension and insecurity with your kids. Even if you don’t say it out loud, they will notice your feelings and interpret them (is mom mad at me for liking dad’s new friend? Am I allowed to still see dad if he dates people? If mom starts dating too will that mean my parents don’t want me anymore?) You guys don’t need to give each other permission. You do need to speak with each other about what is going on, and you need to speak with your kids about what to expect, and reassure them that things are ok, and no matter what, they are safe and loved. The kids will adapt and learn how to interact with the new people they meet. If you both love the kids and make them a priority, then it is really simpler than you might think.
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So. Therapist suggests after 6 months of dating someone it’s okay to introduce kids to new partner.
With that said. My bf never asked for permission from his kids mother for them to meet me. And I never asked my ex for permission either. We’ve now been together for a year and a half. And he’s more of a father to my youngest than her own father is.
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Poor kids, that’s not good for their mental health. He is not a good parent if he doesn’t care about his children mental health and the future, things like that have a HUGE subconscious impact!!! If they’ve been dating for at least a year and a half-2 then maybe okay could start introducing them so depends on the whole story💖
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I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want him deciding whether or not you could introduce a significant other, it goes both ways.
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I wouldn’t mind if my ex got a girlfriend and introduced her to our daughters. I wouldn’t want him to have a bunch of different women meeting our kids, but someone he’s serious about, why not? As long a she’s nice to my babies!
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He doesn’t need to ask you permission. If the kids are not getting hurt and they are being taken care of, then get over it. He’s your ex, right? So get over it.
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Not okay. I think the other parent (if they are active in their children’s life) should always introduce that idea to the other parent first.
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They’re his kids too. He doesn’t need your permission to introduce someone to them.
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I do understand that you would be upset. You can’t change that the kids have now met the new gf. So all you can do at this point is be civil with your ex and meet the gf yourself. Get to know her and all of you co parent. I am coparenting with my ex but more so with his wife. The women are who take care of most everything that has to do with the household including the kids. Make this a good learning experience. The kids will benefit from this situation so much more than if everyone was upset.
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Those are his kids too!
If you trust him enough to turn your kids loose with him then I’m assuming you trust him as a father.
What’s the big deal? Maybe he didn’t ask you first because 1. He doesn’t have too and 2 he probably knew you’d be pissed.
I’m just curious why you’re pissed? Afraid your children might like her? Don’t want anyone else to love and care for your children when around?
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When me and my bd split he went through females like crazy ! I never asked about his relationships but he always told me. And I discussed with him I didn’t want our children meeting anyone until he knew they were serious. He agreed with me. It’s not okay to have just anyone around your children especially littles! Before I ever brought my now fiancé around my children I gave him the same respect as well! I guess it has to be a mutual understanding.
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After 14weeks i let me girl meet my now hubby but only as a Friend we where out with our over friends did that a cupple of times then weeks l8ta just started to go out 1s a week as us 3. They got to no each over then i sead thats it am ready then tolled her he was my boyfreand b4 telling over people. Now marred with a little boy too and my girl also tuck his name when i did xxxxx
People keep saying grow up. Shes just admitting how lots of adults worry about this situation.Kids might want to be prepared to meet new dads girlfriend or visa versa. They could be still upset about the splitxx
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My advice would be become friends with the gf your children are going to be around her they need to see that co parenting can work with those who are willing to try cuz it’s the children as well as the father that will become affected if you dislike her
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They are his kids just as much as they are yours. Do you get HIS permission before introducing your kids to anyone? There comes a point when you need to move on for the kids sake and both (or all 4) parents and step parents need to be adults and teach the kids how to be loving, compassionate, understanding adults!
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Long as she isn’t someone dangerous to the kids it doesn’t matter if he asked you or not.
I never once asked my oldest childs bio father if i could introduce him to my now husband because that part of my life didnt involve him.
I think you are vastly over reacting, as best he could have said “hey im introducing the kids to my gf just so you know” and that should have been enough. If you think he needs to ask your permission for things that sounds like you want control that you shouldn’t.
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Ok so when my ex was dating me n him came to an agreement. I told him please don’t bring different women to my daughters life if you know she’s the right one then go ahead. Just like when I got with my sons father i was seeing men but never showed my daughters until I knew ima be with that person…one thing I told him n her hey she can discipline my girls but don’t u dare put your hands on my daughter cause u will get it…just tell him het can u not bring different women in my kids life until u know shes the right one u don’t want to confuse them
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Those are his children therefore what he does with them during his time, and who they meet isn’t apart of you. If she sticks around then for co parenting purposes yes, meeting would be alright. Ask the kids how she is with them and that is all that matters, don’t show frustration about it, don’t talk mess with the kids, just simply ask how she treated them and leave it alone.
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Y’all both went separate ways. Ideally sounds amazing but in reality…I mean she didn’t ask the children to call her mom.
Yall are equal parents so if he feels that he is ready to deal with that then it is up to him. When you are divorced you give up control and have to trust the other parent.
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Grow up they are his children if he is serious about relationship what the problem and as long as she is nice and good to them so what if she mistreats them or abuses them in anyway then you step in
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Actually it is your business, not sure why everyone is saying it isn’t. It is your kids and he should have mentioned it. They are his too and he does have the right but bringing up to you first would have been nice. You could have met her first. You are both in charge of who is in your kids life. It could be the other way around and he has no idea of its a violent criminal or not. These people are probably just the salty step moms as well
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I mean I dont feel it’s a big issue unless they just started dating or you two recently separated, And he doesnt need your permission but sharing this information ahead of time with you would have been the better way of going about it. Communication is everything with CO-parenting.
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The only issue is you getting pissed. Clearly you two are not together anymore there fore you have no say in who he hangs out with dates. He does not need your permission to introduce his kids to her. Just like you do not need his permission to do the same.
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They are his kids too he should be able to introduce them as long as ur children are taken care of and are loved there shouldn’t be a issue. Do u stop and think every time u introduce them to someone new
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Push comes to shove, if you don’t trust someone you probably shouldn’t have had kids with them…
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- How long have they been together? I mean if this is someone he’s going to have a long relationship with then they’re bound to meet at some point. 2. How old are the kids? I could see if you’re concerned they’re going to get attached to someone who your ex isn’t serious about
If they’re serious in their relationship then he has a right to introduce them…if it’s just a fling I would hope that he wouldn’t do that to them. Just try to be open minded about it. With a split household they’re bound to be introduced to new people…and he isn’t going to ask your permission every time, nor should he.
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You have no reason to be pissed. You should trust dad to not put BOTH of your children in harms way. Dont be a bitter baby mama
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In an ideal world everything should be discussed. Unfortunately, things change, this is why custody agreements are important. You can’t control this aspect in a custody agreement, but you can have everything hammered out logistically. Relying on good faith without an agreement invités trouble. Who covers health insurance ? Court calculated child support, visitation ?
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They Are also HIS kids, GROW UP he ain’t a baby he don’t need to ask you for permission Lol get it together it’s 2020.
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My kid’s have met my new boyfriend without their dad’s permission. Just like he married his new wife/mistress without asking mine. They are his children as well, don’t put your kids in the middle because of your issues its not fair to them. My girl’s stepmother is good to them and that’s all I care about.
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If he felt comfortable enough to introduce them, shouldn’t you trust his judgement?? They’re his kids too and I’m sure just like you you wouldn’t put them in harm’s way. You’re overreacting a bit.
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I get where you’re coming from. I’d have an issue with it too. But my ex had some toxic traits that I didn’t want them to see. They were young through the divorce so they don’t remember what happened. But we discussed ground rules for these situations. We haven’t had an issue with this. Yes he is the father, and deserves to introduce who he wants into the kids lives, but he would also feel the same way you do. Talk it out, and see about setting up ground rules. We have had to do that with family and friends as well.
My current bf ( we’ve been together almost 6 years) and he said he’d never do that without speaking to me first and introducing us if we ever separated because he would want us to get along and would want to be respectful and would want the same in return. But, at the same time he doesn’t plan on hopping into another relationship and he would hope we could eventually work things out. But every situation is different though, so idk … People take it lightly. My kids aren’t going to be around just anyone.
I feel like he does need to let you know before hand just like you should let him know too even if he is a ex because honestly its the mother who takes care of the kids more then the father in most cases in my opinion you can’t coparent if their is no communication and also It would be more comfortable with him at least letting you know but he doesn’t really need to ask for permission but at least let you know before hand so at least you know
I mean I’d hope she’s not just a brand new girlfriend, and I’d ask for maybe a bit more info and warning about who will be around the kids because you will want to also trust them and have good communication for the kids sake, so I’d try to bite my tongue about my unhappiness at not telling me so long as everyone is willing to move forward together with good understanding, but easier said than done, personally I wouldn’t be happy about it either but it can’t be undone now, I’d have to figure out how to best deal with it.
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I’ve been on both ends of this, my husbands crazy ex wife wouldn’t let me meet his daughter for the longest time. She did it out of spite, then when we did meet she thought she could dictate how it would go, what we would say. And going forward from there every interaction that was had. We didn’t follow her direction, but instead did what felt natural. Now I’m her step mom, and she loves me a lot. However my ex husband allows me to meet any women he feels serious enough to meet my kids before they meet the kids. He understands it makes me more comfortable and had no problem with it, I’d never dictate how serious they are or any of their interactions, but I like them to know if they hurt my kids they have a crazy mama who can throw down lol if they’re serious enough to meet his ex wife they’re serious enough
My Exs current partner frighten me at first because the thought of another women around my kids made me so angry. What if they like her more? What if she turns them on me? What if she hurts them? What if Im not ready to see him with someone else and so many more thoughts ran through my head but I had to take a step back and realize that I too have moved forward and maybe he feels the same way about another man around our kids so I let it go took a deep breath and sucked up my pride met her and now she communicates more with me about our kids then he does its almost sad. But don’t get me wrong they are my kids so my guard is always up in all honesty however I always put kids needs first as it should be 100% and co-parenting in my opinion after a seperation is good its a more healthy life style for children than to live bitter and petty to where your ex is just the bad guy ans your a saint like come on be real we are all human sometimes couples just don’t work. My advice suck up your pride and do best by your children no matter the cost or what that means given your personal situation. Children deserve to have both parents involved if given the right circumstances, every situation is so different so you cant really compare with others in a sense. Just do best you can for your kids don’t be a bitter parent its one thing to care about your kids well being its another to contribute in a negative response.
I never got my exs permission for my son to meet my now husband when we started dating. I did inform him that my son was meeting him but if he had said no i would of been like to bad. You guys are separated, hes going to date other people & they will be around your kids. Unless she has given a reason that shes not safe around your kids then you have to learn to deal with it
It is difficult question. Depends a lot by the age of the children and their feelings about the parents separation. Personally, I would agree if the children are well prepared before and the new relationship is serious.
If they’ve been together for a while and he doesn’t see himself leaving her any time soon, then why have a problem with it? They’re his kids too. You’re going to be doing the same thing if you haven’t already. I get it if it’s just some random girl but if he’s really with her and he loves her, then you gotta let this one go
I won’t be pissed. Don’t be that person that gets mad over everything. He’s including his kids in his life, it’s ok. It’s going to happen. Just like you will ti when the time is right for you.
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Well how long have they been together? Either way he definitely should have had your permission but if they have been together for a while then it’s not AS bad as introducing them to a new ‘flavor of the week’ type of gf. Sorry your goin through this, people need to always put their kids first and think of what’s best for them. Co parenting is hard but it’s very damaging to children when the parents can’t put their differences aside and at least get along in front of the children, also they should never ever talk bad about the other parent to them, no matter what!
I can kinda flip this for a minute… When I allowed my kids to go with their “dad” for a weekend, I had only spoke to his gf on the phone while my kids were with them,She had a full time job and children of her own…Now here’s the turn, she left for work for 8 hours and when she came home my son had bruises on him from his so-called dad…He returned my kids into my door way and RAN… Hospital,cops and children’s aid all had to be called and visited for this monster…My son is disabled and couldn’t even tell me what happened…The gf was so disappointed and upset,she kicked him out and phoned police for interviews with herself and her kids…The girlfriend is not always a bad person.
You can’t control what he does when your children are with him, or who they are going to meet. The only thing you can do is to accept the fact that they are his children too and try to trust he will be sensible enough to know what he is doing …
You will avoid so much disappointments when you accept this , I’ve been there myself and it feels much better .
Ive been in this position and my only concern was that the new partner wasnt just going to be the 1st of ten more. I like my children to be reassured and not involved in the different woman that may be possible. If u get what i mean. They dont need to be exposed to different woman every coupla months it can be confusing for them and sometimes they may get attached and get hurt if things dont work out.
They don’t have to have you permission but it would be respectful just to inform you.
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What happens on his time isn’t really your business. My ex husband and I tell each other alot. But my son meeting his future partner isn’t my business. Just like my kids meeting my boyfriend wasn’t his business. He wasn’t mad, I wasn’t mad. I feel like mothers feel like they need to have total control and that’s just not okay. You had a baby with someone and obviously trusted them. Just because youre not together anymore doesn’t mean you need to be in their business 24/7.
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Such a hard question even though what ever he does or who he does is none of your business, this person is going to be around your babies who you protect with your whole life I would want to know near everything about them I’m crazy about my kids, no way in hell I would want a stranger around them you just DONT KNOW !
He should have talked to you about it first and made sure you meet her before the kids did. And he should of had you there while your kids met his new girlfriend.
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Get over it. It’s his life and his kids as well. You just need to let go of the control. The only reason I would be upset is if the children were mistreated
Quit being a Karen. I hate to be the one that has to spell this out for you but you dont get to control everything. Especially anything that has to do with your EX.
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If he just met her then, yes it’s okay to be a little cautious but if he’s been with her for a while then.
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They are his kids too. Unless he puts them in harms way way when he has them what he does is up to him.
Co-parenting. Not all are cut out for it. You can decide the rules together or you can do what you feel is best without the others permission for me it would be more about asking my kids what they thought about her. Not me being mad because they did meet her. Maybe your feelings are deeper than just not being told.
I would only be upset because I would like to meet her as well to make sure she isn’t a b**** to my kid.
Seen and heard way too many jealous step-mom stories.
It is your responsibility to make sure your children are taken care of so yes.
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I think it depends on what kinda guy he is and what kinda woman he’s bringing around them…
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As long as it’s not a new girl all the time it should be fine.
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It is a matter of courtesy mostly and taking into consideration the children’s ages
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This is a loaded question and one that really the real weight on it depends on the health of the co parent relationship.
Is it something you’ve previously discussed…is this something you can talk to him about in a healthy way…just questions to think about.
Unfortunately it is both of your kids and since you aren’t together you will eventually make decisions without the other. Hopefully you can both meet in a happy middle for the sake of the kids.
Respecting the fact that he is his own person without personal attachments directly to you which require your permission would be a good step.
Good luck.
To have a good coparenting relationship is trusting that dad knows best for his kids when on his time
Mine did the same, i was pissed and hurt for my daughter… i said take it slow , dinner or a movie, but yeah, what could i have said otherwise… it sucks… be strong !
I would be upset if it was just any girlfriend that he doesn’t seem to have a future commitment to. Also if he’s known for introducing allllll the girlfriends he has had. Otherwise I wouldn’t be upset
I think he should’ve at least had a conversation with u. The thing is,the kids dont need to meet every woman their father is with or seeing unless its something serious and your kids are going to be around this woman all the time.
Honestly it’s none of your business and the courts will tell you that. I personally would never introduce my kids to someone unless I knew they were long term, but I also would want my ex to be happy and find a partner.
there should be open communication imho but dont react or be rude about it when you see him again just explain you didnt appreciate it and leave it at that nothing can be done about it now
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As long as she treats them good what difference does it make
He should not have to get your permission. As the adult he should know if it’s best or not to bring the kids around her.
I dont blame you. Especially with it being a new girlfriend. He should respect you enough to run the idea by you even if he knows you would be mad. Just straight up out of respect. I think as their mother you should at least have an idea who your kids are around when they arent with you. I would be upset too.
and before all you people respond with its none of her business or something harsh like that…
Example that i know of. Kids went their dad. Never told mom he was introducing to new girlfriend … Left them alone with said new girlfriend while he went yo work at night and she left kids alone and went out partying. They were 5 and 7 … They woke up in the night scared with noone there…neighbor called cops and dad lost any custody.
Just saying you hope you can trust their father with good judgement but sometimes people are blind to things when feelings are involved and i would be mad too!!! He should respect you enough and be man enough to at least run it by you.