My ex is dating a married woman: Advice?

Honestly you can’t control your ex’s choices and unless your son is in danger there’s not much you can do. His old is your child? At a certain point, kids have a say in if they go to the other parents house or not. If he doesn’t want to go then that’s a matter to bring before a judge. Morally speaking, I might mention it to her husband. That might be a solution that solves the whole thing for you. On the other hand, his and her choices in their relationship has nothing to do with you or his ability to see your son. It sucks but it’s not really your business.

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My daughters dad has a new GF, of a few months… she was about 6weeks pregnant to another man, and they’re planning on him being the babies dad. That’s their business, they’re fine to do that. However I don’t agree with them teaching my daughter its her sibling. It isn’t, at all. I made that clear to them.
My daughter keeps coming home from her dads upset that dad doesn’t spend any time with her, and is always with his gf. I discussed it with them both calmly and nothing has changed… there is nothing you can really do and my daughter still wants to go… best to stay out of it save yourself the stress.

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Mind your own business. Unless you know that husband personally etc then yeah… nah. Not your circus.

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It’s not your business, I don’t know why you’re so concerned about what your ex is doing for one. For 2 who he dates and her situation is also not your business. Sucks but those are things you have no say in or control over. You wouldn’t want your ex trying to run and ruin your life, so mind your business. You have no idea what her marriage is like, her husband could be abusive you never know. Obviously she isn’t happy if she’s with your ex instead of her husband.

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Def would just keep it moving momma…pick ur battles. I learned the hard way…was worried about what he was doing rather than worry about my own happiness and here I am 5yr later still single…my choice tho and its bc of guys like ur ex that made me that way

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I would say something to the husband ONLY because what If her husband finds out and follows her and your son is there it could turn into something extremely toxic and even dangerous .

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(Where I live) you can request no one but the father is to be there when your son is and a judge will grant this if the father isn’t married. We actually did that with my nieces biological mom when she was a baby. If you feel your son is unsafe you can always to speak to your lawyer about your concerns and go from there. You have absolutely every right to know about and feel safe about who is around your child at any given time, in your house or outside your house. Best wishes mom!

If you don’t want your ex having say in your business you need to back up and stay out of his. Period end of story. Every separated/divorced couple with kids need to realize this. Unless the child is in harms way THE ONLY thing you could possibly do is be a voice for your son and his feelings

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Stay outa it… pick your battles… hopefully if they work out she will grow to love and enjoy your child…

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Pray about it definitely I would be concerned too if he is messing with someone who is married. I would be very cautious definitely stay out of it though.

It sucks but unless she is a danger to your child I would just leave it alone. HOWEVER I feel like your son should voice his concerns to his dad 100%, his dad may have no idea your son feels this way.

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I’m not one to sit quiet when I know someone is cheating. Why? For the same reason I tell my kids, hiding the truth from others is wrong. It makes you as guilty and wrong as the person doing the wrong. Your personal integrity and character will always be called into question if you knowingly hide the truth you know.

The person being cheated on should know. No one deserves to have that done to them. It is more frustrating and hurtful when people come up to you after you know and tell you that they suspected or they knew. They either didn’t know how to tell you or they didn’t feel it was their place.

What is your son learning? He is learning from his dad that it’s ok to cheat. He is also learning to look the other way when he sees future wrongs because ‘it’s not his business’.

I could see you telling the husband but at the same time it’s not your business. As for your son. Tell his father what his son is telling you. You don’t need to without his visiting rights. Communication is key

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How olds your poor son?
I want to be glib and say “tell him to ask to play with her kids, or does her hubby know she’s visiting” but I know that’s super unfair to your kid who already has one shit parent putting him in the middle of grown up crap.
He really does deserve his dads attention though.

I find it interesting everyone is addressing the possibility that the GF is married before the part about the son.

I agree she can’t stop him dating but she can request that the GF not spend visitation weekends there. Or at least limit her family presence for now, especially if there’s a chance she’s still married. Safety, care, and Dad time are most important now.

If its not a serious relationship I definitely think you need to have words with your ex. We can’t control people but remind him he’s teaching his son to do what he is doing. Get off with a married woman and ignore your child. Unless she’s married but its over and not living together. Kids always hate step parents in the beginning so that also depends on how long she’s in his life. Lots of questions do need to be asked before jumping the gun down his throat. No one wants their kids raised by someone else and its hurtful but thinking that way is also hurtful xxx id be getting full story from the horses mouth. If your ex refuses to engage in talks then I’d maybe put my foot down and go legal route xxx

Noooooooooooo trust me from experience here! As hard as it may be to keep quiet, unless you are close with the husband you shouldn’t say anything. No one is saying you must hide it for them but flat out telling him will cause nothing but drama. It could also push this woman further into the arms if your ex. What you absolutely should do it address the changed behavior around your son. Whatever you do, I’d advise you keep it strictly about your son and his wants/needs.

Give your son and his dad a neutral place to sit down and talk. You can be out of the room so they can have a conversation The reason I said this is your son might not feel comfortable talking to his dad. So if you can create a place he feels comfortable talking then make it happen. But you should not be apart of the conversation

Id tell my ex if shes gonna be around then were going to move along with meeting and being 100% with everyone in our kids life and when i talk to her id ask her about the husband and let her know whatever her interest is with my ex she needs to have the same interest with our kid cuz if not than we will definitely have some issues. Once that convo is over and my kid still feels bad THEN id say she cant be around. Wether shes married or not is no concern to me really

Mind your business cautiously. It should concern u tho. So many things can happen should the husband find out. People go crazy for less!

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Your “ex” is the point here. He can see and do whatever he chooses as he’s a single man and not your responsibility. If his son is uncomfortable around his lady friend then it’s up to him to speak to his dad about how he feels. If your son isn’t comfortable doing this then a short respectful conversion about your sons feelings, not dads lady friend, is all that’s needed. Know your place.

If it were my husband I’d want to know. It may not be your business but if you have proof then show her husband. No need for this man to get screwed over.

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Definitely do not say something to her husband because it will just make you look crazy and jealous and it will look like it has zero to do with your child and everything to do with her being with your ex. All conversations you have with him just need to be about your child together and you have to remember he will be around people that both parents are with but you just need to make it a point to say that it’s not a good example for him to be around this and since he doesn’t see him often you would prefer he see her any other time until they have been together a little longer and know things are serious before bringing her around your child together

I definitely wouldn’t tell the husband. That part isn’t your business. My only worry would be … where will your son be when her husband does find out? It could be a threat to your son. I would look into getting some kind of order for your son to not be with dad when the girl is around. Usually I wouldn’t agree to that but this is a touchy situation. Or you need to tell your ex to make sure they don’t get caught but still … that isn’t guaranteed

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None of ya business he ain’t yours to worry anymore hunny I wouldnt stress over it , the truth always comes out

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I would talk to your ex about bringing her around, but I would stay out of his relationship issue, it’s not really your buisness to get involved if you aren’t together anymore.

Ok one…I hate to tell you but it’s none of your business who he’s seeing so no don’t tell the husband…two…your son needs to tell his dad how it makes him feel, however, most dads who are dating can’t focus on more than one thing. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck but it’s the fact of it.

It may suck to hear this, but what dad does with his time with the child is not up to you. As long as the child is not in danger, you got to let this go.

It may not sound fair, but the courts will not agree with you if you try to interfere or interrupt his parenting time.

The husband may not believe you, but it’s the right thing to do. A child should never have to fight or beg for a parent’s love or attention. Something to bring up in court if there is any type of order for custody or arrangement. Also speak to your ex, let him know your son doesn’t want the girlfriend around, he’s uncomfortable and he feels like he then has to fight for his attention.

I get that this girl is married and all… but you can’t expect your ex not to get into a new relationship it happens and that other person will be around your kid. Don’t make it drama thats no good for your son either just saying

I don’t think the kid as an issue I think its the mother, the ex is entitled to see who he likes unfortunately that’s non of your business unless your child is in danger… If your child is really that unhappy I’d have a civilised conversation with his dad what your son as mentioned, you don’t need to add to it.

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Ultimately its your ex husband’s house. Weatch means as long as he wants her over during his time with his son, then that’s how its going to be. And as much as you or your son may not like her a great deal, reality is that we are all going to incounter people that we may not like, but we’ll need to get on with. Anything from, school to working, roommates and yes even daddy’s girlfriends. That’s life.

No, you shouldn’t be saying anything to him. All your going to do is start shit, for no reason. Its not a hill worth dieing on.
As for her being married well… he may already know.

I see multiple reasons why she shouldn’t be ok with this situation. If it was a girlfriend not involved with someone else I can see where you should mind your business, because some kids just don’t like the person that isn’t their parent, but it’s not! A married woman coming around can cause lots of issues. #1 who’s to know if the husband finds out what he’ll do, you certainly don’t want him confronting your ex and the woman while your child is there. #2 you don’t want your son thinking this behavior is ok when he gets older.

Stop projecting your feelings into your child. My best advice is you lose a person the same way you found them. So if he is seeing a married woman. The hope they get married cause she will cheat and leave him for the next best thing. Also children dont offer up conversations about adult stuff unless it’s some random shit like mom pees when she sneezes. Stop asking about them!! You are putting the kid in the middle and that’s not fair to the kid. Spend quality time with your kid, make it about you and him and not about you and the father. Love your child more than you love a man who moved on. Karma will do it’s own thing to baby daddy

Well any girl that your ex will date will have to be around your son. I wouldn’t call it interfering. If or when you date is it interfering with your mother son time? Eventually one of you will likely get married/remarried and your son will also be apart of the new spouses life. Kind of sounds like this may be fresh and is stemming from jealousy

Erm…

You have to talk to your ex about how your son feels. Be prepared for his reaction, he most likely won’t care. Also, I wouldn’t bring up that she’s married and all that. Only stick to how your son feels. Everything else is none of your business.

It’s so easy to get angry, but a lot of posters are correct unless it comes to harming your child there’s ultimately nothing that can be done. Be supportive, talk to you ex, if conversation is not in his co parenting try parental counseling, I’m sorry , but unfortunately wether she is married or not this can arise regardless. Not your place to tell her husband unless prior friends respectfully.

Sounds like ur not over him. Yeah, he shouldn’t be dating a married woman… but thats their karma to deal with. Ur coming off like the crazy ex. Sorry to have to be the one to say it. His karma will come, so will hers. No need to play a part in their drama. The best revenge is to move on and be happy. Your son will survive, as long as he’s not unsafe, unfortunately things like this need to run their course and hopefully things get better for you and your son soon.

No keep you business your business ,husband and this situation have nothing to do with it .
But i would talk to the ex husband and with yoir son and have a convo together so he can express how he feels to u both and your ex needs to be open to what your son has to say . If u go to the ex husband ur going to look like the jealous ex trying to get rid of the new girl and id make it very known to her the amount of time that is being spent while is to much when your so is there and maybe suggest that she give them a little space alone

Girl find your own business and leave his alone. That has nothing to do with you. You’re trying to make it about your son and it’s not. Whatever happens to him that’s on his :roll_eyes:

Leave it be. The relationship the son has with the father is on the father not the woman. The relationship she has with her husband is none of this person’s business. Stop being in the Exhusbands relationship. He’s the ex-husband for a reason, move on stop looking for drama.

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It’s concerning to me how many people think she shouldn’t tell the husband. The poor guy might waste years on a woman who’s not loyal to him. I’d leave an unanimous note. Save the guy a few years of heartache without getting stuck in the middle of it.

Leave it be. You have to let them build or rather not build their relationship. Be there to pick up the pieces for your son. This will not be the first time in life people will disappoint him. I would low key tell the husband. But that is some hater shit so.

Number one how do you know she is married? Number 2 mind your business Number 3 if you have that type of relationship with your ex tell him that your son has expressed being uncomfortable with the situation and have your ex NOT you talk with him maybe the girl can see your ex when your son isn’t around and what would YOU gain by telling? As long as your son is not being abused by her let it go

Its a stay in your lane type of deal. Karma has its way of making things happen. I was bffs with this girl whonwas cheatingnon her husband and i knew everything. I told her if he ever found out i knew nothing so dont drag me into it. He found out both times

I honestly after thinking of the situation what IF YOU DONT TELL THE HUSBAND AND SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS WITH YOUR SON THERE WHEN THE HUSBAND FINDS OUT SHES CHEATING… tell the husband!! All these woman saying don’t tell must have blinders on! You are responsible to keep your son safe!! This does not sound like a SAFE situation.

This is tricky one… I understand u don’t want ur child to be around some random woman u can say it politely to ur x u rather he spend time with ur son alone if that’s not the case whenever he’s free then he come n spend time with him… about his personal life that up to him at the end of the day u are the mother of his child he should respect ur concern all the best

Honestly you can’t keep your child from his son even if he is dating a married woman I know you but not like the situation but that’s his life

He’s going to tell you its not your business and all its gonna do is make you mad. Don’t tell the husband because you just want to get back at him and it will cause unnecessary drama and it will not be good. Unfortunately it’s his decision who he decides who he has in his life now not yours. Do not focus on her focus on your son.If your son has an issue he needs to address it to his dad. He also has the option of not going with his dad. Either way it is up to the kid. Depends how old he is but really your ex is gonna be the one who will decide what goes on in his time.

Maybe it’s because I listen to too much Crime Junkie Podcast and I know people can be crazy, but I would be pissed if it turns out the “Girlfriend” is cheating on her husband (& that they’re not separated), husband finds out and confronts her while she’s with the OPs baby daddy while their son is with the BD. Y’all saying “mind your business” like THEIR child isn’t in the middle of a potential big mess lol. Also, does the child know the backstory of the girlfriend? If so, what is that teaching the child? That it’s okay to be sneaky and dishonest? Y’all need to think bigger picture and think about the child and not the BD.

He’s going to date who ever he wants but what a terrible role model for his impressionable son.

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I would tell the husband. I would want to know, from anyone, that my spouse was cheating on me.

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It’s none of your business if he is dating a married woman. Not your place to tell her husband.

If you and your ex have a good CO parent relationship and you feel he would react positively to you voicing what your son said then yes go for it, have that talk. If not then I suggest your son talk to his dad.

That has nothing to do with you, all of that will eventually catch up to them! They will get their karma! As for your ex, that’s his time to spend with your son and if he’s too worried about this girl who’s MARRIED and actually playing him and her husband, then you just need to just keep your son home on his visits. There’s no point of him going if he’s not even being paid attention to!

I understand and get what you’re saying but it’s not your place to even tell the husband. You don’t know the entire story even if you did you’re an outsider looking in. Talk to ex about how your kid is feeling and y’all figure something out. It shouldn’t be too hard but don’t go demanding he not bring this woman around. Unless of course she’s like insane or abusive or both.

Unless you know The woman that’s cheating and her husband might be a good idea to mind your own but I’m around

Ur son is ur only concern, if they arent mistreating him, than u have no reason to worry about who ur ex is dating. It’s not ur step to take.

On 1 hand I want to say it’s not your business but at the end of the day wouldn’t you want to know if you were being cheated on?? Is that really the example you want set for your son, that it’s ok to be the “other guy?” I think the husband needs to know but maybe tell him when your son is with you. You never know how someone will act and you don’t want your son in harms way.

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Don’t say anything to her husband. But I would worry that god forbid the husband finds out and brings drama to your ex’s house while ur son is there. :anguished:

Ur business is to look after your son not to put a cheater. That’s your ex’s issue along with hers that is not your war. As long as your child is safe and looked after while his care u would not make their issues a toy problem. X

I’m sorry, but who he sees is none of your business. But you shouldn’t tell the husband
That’s also none of your concern

That’s not safe for your son sorry. What if her hubby finds out when he’s visiting an goes to your ex’s house :flushed:

My ONLY concern would be the safety of my child when in his care if the husband found out and decided to pay a visit.

wouldnt tell the husband unless you know him, ehy risk the relationship with you and your ex for somebody you don’t know…
and unless she is a danger for your son its his home his rules

I don’t think you should worry about who he is dating as long as it doesn’t effect your son negatively.

I dont feel like it’s your place to tell the husband if your son is being neglected while hes there then that’s a custody issue either talk to him and give him two choices either he doesn’t bring her around while your son is there or your taking him to court so he legally cant be there if shes there if your sons unhappy I’d be taking the steps to stop it from happening but jo dont get involved in someone else’s marriage the husband will eventually find out let someone else tell him you dont want that on your conscious plus it will look very petty and jealous on your part trust me you dont want to be made to feel like you only told because your jealous and wanted to break them up or hurt her and him it will make you look like your still in love with your ex and punishing him and her it’s just and if that’s the case and you want to get back with him that’s not gonna get him back that will ruin any chances of ever getting back with him so talk to him about your son if that dont work tell him your taking him back to court and sit back and be silent on the married situation it will all come out on it’s own I wouldn’t want to be the one to air it out js

You have to step aside. Period. It’s not your issue. Sorry but people can date after you. Their problems are not yours. The husband being cheated on is not your problem nor your concern. The only thing you can do is speak to your babies father and tell him your concerns. Other than that. Move on.

It’s none of your business who your ex is dating. And unless your son is being put at unnecessary risk it’s none of your business what is happening while he is with his dad.

talk to his dad and explain everything.if hes mature enough he’ll listen and understand and change things up a little.if not then i guess youre both out of luck🤷‍♀️

My advice… Keep an eye on things but also keep out of it… Unless you see her or hear her do something that isn’t good too be around your son then its probably best too just let things be… Just keep in mind that eventually she’l get caught and her husband will leave her and then she might never go away!

Not my monkeys, not my circus! What he does in his private life now has no bearings on you or your child. Not your place to even be involved as long as your child isnt being mistreated. Be honest with yourself, is this truly a matter of your morals or jealousy?

Can be a dangerous situation for the son to around if her husband found out ( depending on his reaction)

Something similar happened to a friend when her husband and his friends showed up and beat their Dad until he was unconscious and was in the hospital for a week.
Luckily the boys wasn’t there that night but was supposed to be there the next day.

If it’s messing with your kid you have every right to tell her husband. If she wanted things to be hush she wouldn’t be messing around around your son.

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Not your business. Tell your child to ask the father to spend more time with child. Or mention it to your ex. Dont interfere with the exes love life.

Is your issue that your ex is dating a married woman or that you don’t want her there when your kid is?
It’s your ex’s choice who he dates and unless there’s a safety etc reason, you have no right policing his visits.

I would be more worried about the message your son is getting

From experience unless situations are clearly harming your son I wouldn’t say anything. I honestly keep everything positive with our kids and my ex. I don’t talk negatively around my children about my ex and if they come to me complaining about dad I usually give dad the benefit of the doubt. Kids will play lots of mind games between parents. I’m going with the notion that their Dad is sane and decisions he makes should be his business. This is my opinion. I don’t add to the fire and I don’t let my kids either. I also know that if the kids see us acting reasonable and agreeing it lessons their sense of fear and keeps them as stress free as possible. I know it’s hard but it’s worth it for the kiddos! Hugs

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See if someone knew my man was cheating on me I’d want them to tell me. I don’t wanna look like a fool

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It’s none of your buisness… you reap what you sow… and in due time when they get caught they will get whT they deserve… let it be… amd leave your ex alone… they are an ex for a reason…

Tell you Ex your son is feeling neglected with her there. Don’t tell her husband. This will put you in the spot of a trouble maker.

as long as she is not mistreating your son let it be and let your ex worry about who he dates but be mindful of your son

Of course children should come first. I kicked my ex out because she was very distant and jealous of my kids visiting.

I would tell him he is not setting a good example to his son who looks up him. Give your son one on one attention now and he won’t need it later in life.

Mind your business. You should only be concerned about your son. Your ex’s love life is none your business

Her relationship is none of your business. Your issue is you still think it is up to you whom your ex has in his home. The moment y’all separated that was no longer your business. If your child isn’t being abused then you should really mind your own business. But telling her husband is especially none of your business and how would you feel if he showed up to your ex’s house while your child was there and killed everyone in the home? People are crazy these days. Mind your business and raise your kids, don’t worry about what someone else is doing.

Your son needs 100% attention… find another day for him to see dad… nothing to do with his dad seeing anyone else

Something you should discuss with attorneys not on face book

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It sucks!! Just put a good spin in it. Eventually the father will probly stop seeing his son. But hey he might get his head out of his ass and dump her

My question is why is it your business? He’s your ex so leave it alone.

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Honestly I would just mind my own business. You say something it’ll just cause more drama and you’ll be worse off than you are now.

Surprised by how many people would apparently not want to be told if their spouses or significant others were having full blown relationships behind their backs. Fuck mind your business, be a decent human being and give that poor man a heads up!

I would just mind my business. He’s your ex for a reason? nothing he does should matter to you. Focus on yourself.

Not your business. He’s your ex for a reason. Let it lie and move on. Don’t be a spiteful person.

Nope mind your business. The cheater will deny and the person you tell might not believe you…leaving you to look crazy, jealous and nosey. If your ex really wanted a relationship he would hook up with someone who is actually AVAILABLE.

Would you want to know if you were in her husband’s position? Think about that.

Stay out of it. Talk to yr son and let him talk anything out that he likes or dislikes. Keep this communication open . U can’t control what ur X does. So don’t bother.

No my child will not go over there anymore if he said he doesn’t like being over there I would respect my son’s wishes and I would tell the husband this is bulshit not okay this is teaching your son bad habits

Why is he still you husband?

Whhhhy? What business is it of yours? Now when it comes to this woman being around your kid yes set boundaries.

Sure have your kid snap some photos of them together and send them to her husband. Problem solved.

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