QUESTION:
"My eldest son is 2 and 9 months. Almost 3. His father left during pregnancy. And continuously told my friends and me that the baby wasn’t his and wasn’t physically capable of having kids.
He called me names and was rude up until like two weeks before my son’s birth. I didn’t inform him I was in labor, but I sent him a photo afterward (he lived in Mississippi at the time, and I live in Texas).
He came and saw my son when he was a month old. And he saw him once when he was about a year and a half. In total, he’s sent $400 for “child support” I’ve never taken him to court. I truthfully just wanted him to leave us alone. I never put him on the birth certificate. But I also allowed him to come to see my son if he asked.
Well, a month ago, he talked my parents into helping him move out here. He’s currently living with them. My dad got him a job. And then a couple of days ago, I got served papers because he is suing me for full custody of my baby!!!
I know he has almost no chance of winning. But I’m so scared. I love my baby so much. I can’t sleep. I feel like I need to just hold him 24/7. Has anyone had to deal with this before?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Get a lawyer and prove abandonment and neglect. If anything he will get visitations bc he is a stranger to the child. And I just have to say you definitely have some garbage parents for them to be helping him out. Js.”
“It sounds like there may be more to this story. Why did your parents help him? Was it because they thought your child deserves 2 parents or do they think you are unfit? I’m not trying to be rude, just trying to understand the whole story.”
“For those saying, ‘there is more to the story because her parents are helping him’, congratulations you have never dealt with toxic, controlling parents. When they can’t control you with money or fear, they for sure go after your weak spot that is your love for your kid. Don’t assume all parents have their child’s best interest at heart. OP cut your parents completely out of your life.”
“If he’s suing for custody it doesn’t matter that his name isn’t on the birth certificate because the court will rule on a DNA test. Once it’s ruled that he is his child then yes, most likely they will allow for a slow introduction. First, most likely, starting with supervised visits with you & then moving forward from there. A lot of states want a child to have both parents present and so they will most likely give him an opportunity. I highly doubt they would give him full custody unless he can prove you are unfit. As far as living with your parents, that does not matter. He still has a roof over his head and a job. If anything it will show he’s made an effort to be introduced into your sons life because he moved states to be closer to him. Just make sure every form of communication is via text & write a log of every interaction. Date and time everything that you handwrite. A detailed log plus text to back it up is extremely difficult to argue against in court.”
“Definitely need to hire a lawyer hun. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He’s going to have to prove you unfit for full custody to be awarded and it doesn’t sound to me like he’s going to be able to do that. However, depending on the judge you get and what his lawyer asks for, you may be looking at visitation rights of some sort. Good luck dear! I’m rooting for you! It’s not fair when they think they can just be “dad” whenever they want.”
“Mentally emotionally abusive, abandonment, no medical or financial support, no visitation, no paternity, no name on birth cert, no proof you’re an unfit mother. He will get visitation once paternity is established and you’ll get child support. That’s probably as far as it’ll go. Also, any conversation you have with him or with your parents about how the situation needs to strictly be about the baby. That’s it. I understand it’s a scary and stressful situation but you have to do your best to keep conversations limited and keep it together for yourself and your child. I hope it all works out for you and your baby.”
“He won’t get full custody. The first thing he needs to do is prove via paternity test he’s the father. The only way a court would grant him full custody is if you’re an unfit mother. Honestly don’t worry too much about it. I’d be more worried about the fact your parents are helping him not you.”
“Unless you have some drug or drinking issues or abuse your child, he will not get sole custody. I have a feeling you are bit telling us the whole story, why are your parents helping him? Do you have a job? Place to live? Transportation? You need to get a lawyer.”
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but my son’s father lost and we have 50/50 definitely hire a laywer though record all text date amd keep records of calls anything
work together for your child it doesn’t mean that you have to get back together, but your child needs both parents to flourish and grow into a loving caring and responsible adult. Don’t let your bitterness get in the way of your child’s happiness. Good luck and just try to be civil 
he hardly visits & drinks with his mates all the time,.I would be stressed if he had him overnight & I know that he would cry for his mummy, why can’t they just leave the child with the’re mother & just visit, leave the child where he/she is happy
