My husband and I split a few years ago, we ashare two girls together. they are 7and 9. I remarried a year ago and my husband would NOT let our girls come to my wedding becaus he doesnt like my husband…i didnt want drama and know how controlling he can b so I just agred. Now he is getting married to some new girl that i have not met and MY GIRLS ARE IN THE WEDDING. I dont even have a say in it. how is this fair? what can i do
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex wouldn't allow our girls to be part of my wedding
Not a good sign, red flag.
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Well in Michigan in our court order stuff my ex can’t keep them away for stuff like that and neither can he. You should of took it to court or got married on your parenting time. He can’t control what u do in your parenting time.
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I wouldn’t petty like he was. Don’t stoop to his level
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I’d keep them home…fair is fair…tough sh!t for him.
the fact that you haven’t met her is alarming to me…
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Unfortunately nothing. He can also get married on his parenting time.
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Nothing. If it’s in his parenting time. You should have done the same unfortunately.
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Honestly… as hard as it is… I would do nothing. Sounds like he is intentionally doing shit to get a reaction from you and you’re about to give him exactly what he wants. I know it’s hard… I totally get that. It would be super hard for me to keep my mouth shut too. But unfortunately in situations like this with men like him… best thing you can do is just ignore it and act like it’s not even happening. Vent to people you can trust but do not show the slightest bit of frustration to him.
How frustrating. He is still trying to be in control 
You should be the bigger person. You wanted them in yours, do the same.
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Bullshit, if he had a say for your wedding, you have a say for his!!! REMIND HIM OF WHAT HE DID AND WHY TF YOU SHOULD ALLOW HIM THOSE KIDS. I still don’t understand how he had a say in YOUR wedding?? I’d go ahead and let the new wifey know he kept those kids out of your wedding too, so it’s funny how he wants to have them in his…maybe just to impress her🤷♀️
Nothing you can do. Its a year later… Shouldve fought harder for your girls to be In your wedding. As far as meeting his new girlfriend, you’re not entitled to that.
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Stop letting him control you
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It seems like your ex is trying to upset you on purpose. Nothing you can do about the past and as you said, nothing you can do about this situation. If you try fight him on it he’ll achieve his goal. Like the saying goes, kill them with kindness. Just wish them well, tell your girls to have a great time, and you do you.
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Dont let them go. Do you have custody of the girls.
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I got really confused cause you didn’t refer to him as your ex husband 
Be the bigger person. Don’t put your kids in the middle. Be an example of what a grown up should be, even though your ex husband isn’t being fair.
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Nothing let them go and have fun. Also stop letting your ex control you. You should have had your girls in your wedding if he liked it or not!
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Honestly you are still letting him control your life if you didn’t let your children be part of your wedding. You need to stand your ground he is not the boss or the only parent.
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If you really wanna turn the tables, just be disgustingly nice. Tell him how happy you are for him and how pretty the new wife is and do it with a smile.
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Why would you even want marry someone like that. Kids come first 
The petty in me would say something crazy yet legal. HOWEVER, the woman in me says do NOTHING! Karma always has her perfect way and they both shall reap what is being sown.
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You do have a say and they wouldn’t be there period
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Have a blessing of your own and include your girls! I wouldn’t of allowed him to dictate to me in the first place and I wouldn’t be bothered about the girls being a part of his
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Did you not plan it during your time? Weird
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It’s not fair but it’s too late, you missed your opportunity for ‘fairs fair’ a year ago and you should have fought for your rights then. You can’t stop your children for participating in his wedding to spite your ex. You cop it on the chin and move forward.
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You both have moved on and neither parent has control over what the other parent does during their custodial time.
The hardest part for me about co parenting was realizing I had NO right to control everything. My biggest downfall with it was trying to dictate what happens to my kids and when. Once I realized that then it just became easier.
I hope you guys can reach an understanding too.
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hell to the no. 1st My kids would have been there
2nd if they couldn’t go to mine no way in hell they’d be at yours…
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Have your girls met her? That’s a little sketch,to be marrying someone who’s never met your girls (if she hasnt),but also,YOU need to meet her bc mothers know best. I wouldn’t want my kids around someone I’ve never met and didn’t know. It’s bs he didn’t let them in yours. I would’ve had them be in it regardless of what he said. But,don’t be petty like he was. I’d atleast say no they can’t be in it unless I meet her,bc like I said,my kids won’t be around anyone that I don’t personally know. Your ex seems petty af
There’s nothing you can do, unfortunately. You had your reasons to not fight over it but it was still your decision. Trust me, I wish I stood my ground on a lot of stuff myself.
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Oh well it wasn’t his say if y’all’s kids could be in the wedding or not
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you let him control your life. but he don’t let you control his.
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Nothing. Should’ve just had your girls in your wedding and ignored him.
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You let it happen neither of you have a say who can do what unless the children are in danger you should have step up at your wedding so lay in that bed you made whatever you do now is more spitful
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You do nothing except be the bigger person and feel proud of yourself for doing it. It sucks for you but is best for the girls.
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The fact you just let him tell you they couldn’t be apart of your wedding is wild to me. I wouldn’t want to marry without my children there, and nothing or no one would tell me my kids can’t be at my wedding. Honestly, you should’ve put your foot down back then. You are no longer married to this man, he does not get to control you or your life. And it also sounds like you’re just going to let the girls be in his wedding despite everything so there’s not much advice other than stop letting him call all of the shots. What are the custody arrangements? Does he somehow have full custody? If not then this mostly falls on you, you should’ve stuck up for yourself and your wedding and your girls.
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You let him control and manipulate you. You should have put your foot down for your wedding and demanded they be there. I’ve been remarried and would not have ever gotten married without my kids being there.
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No one really has a say either way it comes down to the custody agreement and who has them those days. If the girls are his those days they can’t go, and same for her wedding if those were his days she should have changed the wedding date shrug 
something seems fishy here
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Plan a day trip for your girls and don’t bother to inform him. Fight fire with fire!
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Well shame on u for listening to him. No man would stop my kids from being in my wedding. I say grow a back bone and stop letting some ex control ur life!!
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Who has custody and why does he have such control? I’d get a really good attorney and insist on some changes
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Also,I think a lot of people are confused,bc you forgot to put EX husband s few times. Ones her ex and ones her present. I’m pretty sure?
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I’m confused as to why you didn’t have them in your wedding? If it was during your own time with your children then there’s nothing he could’ve done you married anyways and obviously this guy is a part of their lives regardless so it’s strange to me why you allowed him to control your wedding when he clearly knows there’s nothing you can do to stop them being in his if it’s on his own time … sorry just my thoughts … goodluck 
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Nothing you can do about it so just let it go. HOWEVER, you CAN take him to court to demand your time for your girls to be sure you are getting time with them and he cannot tell you what to do with them on YOUR time. If you renew your vows on YOUR time your girls could be there. Just don’t tell him what you are doing.
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Well when you agreed to it you let him be the one controlling still, when you guys split he doesn’t have a say anymore on anything that you do … learn and never do the same mistake…he must be laughing at you.
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Nothing. Be the better person especially in your girls eyes. He’s a ass and everyone knows it. Enjoy your life and stay out of his. Have a get together on your anniversary and make it about your girls. 
- I cant wrap my head around you marrying knowing your kids couldn’t be in the wedding
- Why be petty back? What good will it do? Will it cause stress on the kids
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That’s all on you. You allowed it. I’m gathering that you don’t have custody and that’s why he takes the upper hand and controls everything. There is nothing you can do. Let Karma do what Karma does.
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If you were not allowed neither is he!! He is still controlling you, I would take him back to court. I have been here before still had the control after the relationship finished, you have to nip it on the bud now. You can do as you please with your kids without his permission within reason of course.
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Don’t know your time sharing schedule but you should have had your wedding during your time as I’m sure he is having his during his time, so nothing you can do
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I know many have said it already but nothing you can do about it. You definitely should have involved the courts when it came to your wedding, you would have won. No way in hell I would have got married and not had my children be a part of it
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You cant do anything about it. His time with them is his time with them like yours is your time with them.
Ask yourself why you dont want them in the wedding? Is it for their benefit or is it for yours? Is it coming from a place of bitterness and resentment? Are you only not wanting them in the wedding because it wasn’t fair they werent in yours? Ultimately it was your decision to not have your daughters attend your wedding.
Time has passed. He may see things differently now. If your daughters are looking forward to the wedding and being apart of it, I wouldn’t take that from them.
Choose grace and compassion instead. I get it. He’s a tool. He doesn’t sound like he deserves it. In the end you will feel better in your heart and soul because you chose to show grace and compassion instead of petty bitterness and resentment.
Hugs mama!
You let him control your life. There’s nothing you can do.
Never ever would I get married & not have my kids there!!
You cannot control what he does. Unfortunately you let him control what you did.
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You shouldn’t have let him win when it came to your wedding. You should’ve fought more. There’s really nothing you can do now since you can’t go back in time.
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that was very cruel of him. but don’t be the same as him, don’t go down to that petty level, the children are innocent and should go to their dads wedding if they want to.
You should have put your foot down on that. My kids were in my wedding idk why anyone would not demand their kids be in it let alone attend it.
You can’t change nothing that already happened but you can be the bigger person but I bet my girls would know the truth Daddy absolutely wouldn’t let you be in our wedding he wants you in his and I’m going to let it happen if that’s what you want
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Sound ridiculous. You should’ve let them be in your wedding and that’s that. What you’re doing is allowing the kids to be pawns. Unhealthy. And you don’t have a say what he does on his time. Now u look silly for not having the memories with your kids all for some bozo who you’re not even with and you think he was going to think of you on his time? I wish these were the problems I had with my ex and kid. Smh
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Be the bigger person. They deserved to be there for yours and they deserve to be there for your husbands.
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I don’t mean to laugh, but why does it matter? You’re showing your girls that you’re the bigger person so just let them be. I’d let me ex know this is rich but that would be the end of it.
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It’s not about you it’s about the children.
Be the bigger person. You didn’t have to not let your girls be a part of your wedding. It’s unfortunate yes but it is what it is.
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That’s a seriously messed up situation. I am so sorry he didn’t allow them to be a part of your wedding, he shouldn’t have had that much control and I would have fought him to the death. What he’s now doing is out of spite to you, which is horse shit. If you can, and about the only thing you can do, is try to plan something that takes them away from the wedding. A trip, whatever. Be prepared for repercussions though. Do they want to be in the wedding? Do Y’all have shared custody? Does that day happen to fall on the wedding day?
Learning experience. Never let anyone have that much control over your life. Be the bigger person and let them participate, just move differently.
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The only thing you can do is learn from it. Don’t stoop to his level remember your girls are in the middle of it all just in future learn don’t let the fear you have for him allow him to control your choices you’re no longer with him it’s easier said than done but it’s doable. Just do on your time what you need to with your girls you are no need to ask him for any permission but also don’t just ignore the situation because you know what his reaction is gonna be that’s you still allowing him to control the situation n you’ll lose so much time with your girls for just letting it be because you know what he’ll get like. You’ll get to a point where you realise he really couldn’t do anything and then they’re too old to get it all back. Learn from it n move on let the girls go to the wedding help them look forward to it too they’ll appreciate it when they get older. 
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Yeah so I’m not sure why you’re listening to him in the first place?
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That’s on you for letting him keep the kids from your wedding.
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You shouldn’t have let him tell you they couldn’t be in your wedding. And it shouldn’t matter what wedding they’re in anyways
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Don’t be as petty as he was. It’s their father.
You literally let him control you and that’s on you. My kids would be in my wedding period and he’d have absolutely no say.
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Wth…red flag out the gate
Your first mistake was letting anyone else decide for you whether or not your children can be in your wedding.
That would have been a deal breaker for me. I’m an easy going person and even I would have had to put my foot down.
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Keep letting a man control you. He is an ex for a reason. You need to stand up for yourself, and your girls! Know what u want, stick with it, fight for it and follow through.
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Why are you questioning this if ya kids want to go let them my kids dad didn’t invite my kids to his wedding it broke them now don’t speak to there dad because of the hurt
Why don’t you have a say in it? Unless he has full custody and you have had your parental rights removed you DO have a say. The fact that you haven’t met her would alarm me, for all you know she could be treating your kids like the typical evil step mum and verbally abusing them or she could be the kind of woman who encourages your kids to act like hoes and the kids are too scared to tell ya. Sorry but your ex is a jerk and I can understand you not wanting to upset the apple cart for the sake of upsetting him but your letting him control your life and that is not the kind of example your girls need, they deserve for you to be the strong woman that you can be and to show them that no man has the right to dictate what you can and can’t do in your life. Stop rolling over when he tells ya to and tell him that you won’t be controlled anymore 
Get married on a day you have your parenting time scheduled
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I understand the frustration 1000% but don’t do anything. Let it go. Obviously it’s not fair. But if you fight back then his fiance is going to think that this is about her, not him and how he treated you regarding your wedding. Holding on to the hate and anger and frustration isn’t worth it and it is detrimental to your health.
He is moving on with his life and if you fight this, it could cause a bigger backlash. Just breathe, vent to friends, cry it out, whatever but find a way to let it go.
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He knows he can play with you and your new husband… so he did. Unless you plan on standing up for yourself there’s nothing to be done here.
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Is there a court order in place or anything and assuming live with him?
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I wouldn’t have married him I’d he would let my children at or in the wedding.
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I’m not sure how you even let him control what your do with your children.
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Well why did you let him ruin stuff for you? He’s your ex for a reason you cannot let that man keep deciding your life once he’s out of it. If they (exes) had it their way you’d still be single and live to serve his every need despite his new relationship & you know this.
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Id say fk you and make it happen.
This situation and these comments are cringe
“Be the bigger person” 
seriously? Put yourself in her shoes, she tried to be the bigger person already by not arguing with him about the girls being in her wedding to save the drama? And now this dude is pulling this bullshit. I don’t think she needs to be the bigger person anymore, she already was and is clearly dealing with a man child who doesn’t care for her feelings.
Sounds like your still married to your ex, qnd that your new husband has no backbone 
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You let him control you. That was a mistake on your part. He sounds like a real D. I. C. K though.
The fact you haven’t met this girl living and now being married is wild.
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Depends if you want the drama …
You allowed him to make the decision for you. You did this.
You can either be petty or do better. I hope for your kids sake one of y’all choose to be decent.
You DO have say so. 1st of all you have the right to meet anyone who is around your children especially your ex’s new spouse. If you share children he didn’t have any right telling you that your children couldn’t come to your wedding. YOU are allowing your ex way too much control!
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You should have put your foot down a long time ago. He can’t tell you not to have your girls in your wedding. You shouldn’t have listened to him. I don’t think there is much you can do.
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Seems all a bit childish to me do a photo shoot with the girls involved on your anniversary or something x
Grow a pair ! Stand up for yourself he has no say !! It’s your right to have your daughter’s there js
Your first mistake was not letting your own kids to your wedding.
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Those are your kids as well why would you allow him to keep them from your wedding you’re their mother.STOP ALLOWING HIM TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE AND YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR CHILDREN.Dont be like him and keep them from going but from this day on STOP letting him do this to you …
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U should have let ur kids be in your wedding. That’s sad he did that to u n won’t agree. I dont think the kids should be involved anyways in either. Seems u n ex have unresolved feelings and ur new relationships seem kinda new
Not sure why you “don’t have a say in it”…
Sister, stand up for yourself or ppl are going to continue to walk all over you.
I’m petty I’d throw a fit they couldn’t be in yours they shouldn’t be in his
No say, you let your husband deny you that. Not their father. They’re his just as much as they are yours. Don’t try to ruin his day because you let your husband ruin yours. I wish the man I was about to marry would tell me my kids can’t be involved… Smdh
Ask your girls what they want and take that into consideration.
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I am really sorry but why would you ever marry someone that wouldn’t allow your children to be part of your wedding? The fact that it was even suggested they don’t come is already enough character to determine how it is. They should of been the most important people there. Your kids should be at your ex’s wedding, and it’s absolutely not his fault that you married someone that made that choice for yours. I’m sorry but you have no reason to be upset when you chose that for yourself. If your kids don’t like him either I wouldn’t blame them.
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