I have a little boy, and his father and I are separated and have been for a few years. We share joint custody of our son, and he is a great father to him, and I have never had any doubts about that. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for new partners stepping… My ex’s gf makes my son call her mommy when he is with them, and if he doesn’t, then he gets in trouble ( he has told me this. ) Now, before you tell me to address the situation with the father… I wish I could, but I cannot as communication is not allowed as new partner doesn’t allow it…( answers his texts/calls for him ) I’m at a loss. I have been very civil, trying my best too not to include my son in any unnecessary family drama… do I have a right to be upset that another woman is MAKING my son call her mommy? ( he calls me by my FIRST name when he is there sometimes, and no, they don’t correct him. ) I’m all for the more people who love him in his life, the better, but that’s my BABY.
Yeah, that’s not okay. She should never force your child to call her that. Time to have a talk with dad.
First I would send a message to your ex but directed to them both that you’d like to have a conversation to address some concerns. Simple and direct. If they don’t respond or refuse, suggest a time and neutral place to meet in person. And if that doesn’t work, have a conversation with your child about what HE feels is appropriate to call his dad’s gf. If he doesn’t want to call her mom he shouldn’t have to. And if he’s getting in trouble for that, document everything in case you need to take legal action. And no, you can’t press charges for telling a child what to call you. But punishing the child is a different story.
We went through that at our house. If your son wants to call her some form of “mom”, then be grateful that he has someone that he is comfortable with and that he feels as safe with as he does you. If he doesn’t want to call her that, and it’s being forced on him, then that’s not ok. But here’s where it gets tricky… my stepdaughter called me mom… we corrected her all of the time. But she said she wanted to. However, she told her mom that we made her because her mom got upset about it. We had to sit down with the mom and the daughter to talk it out. The daughter told her mom that we made her because her mom was getting mad at her. So, we came up with a nickname for me that the daughter could call me. It’s tough… but, either way, the gf should not be interfering in communication between you and the child’s father. I had that written into my divorce decree for my son in regards to me and his father. Communication regarding anything having to do with our son is strictly between us.
But, if your son is truly not ok with calling her “mom”, and you can’t communicate with the father, your son is going to have to tell his dad.
Call him at work, his new gf can’t possibly intercept calls made to his work. If he gets mad that you called him at work tell him he needs make himself available to speak to you outside of work because the telephone game with his new gf is not ok and isn’t working.
This really struck a nerve with me. This advice is coming from someone who has an absolutely awesome relationship with my children’s dad, as well as his girlfriend so for it to upset me I felt the need to comment in order to try to help. My usual response to almost all of these post is it’s not about you it’s about the children do what’s best for the child. But clearly this is absolutely sickening! To make a child call there fathers girlfriend mom- and then to be in trouble if he doesn’t? And on top of that he calls you by your first name sometimes while being there? NOT NO BUT HELL TO THE NO. Call his father when homegirl answers simply say may I speak to (fathers name) if she says no, tell her you will continue to call back every minute until he speaks with you as it is your son shared by his father. Then if she allows him to get on the phone tell his ass to put it on speaker phone so she gets the message loud and clear- direct and to the point do not even question it. Point blank- make it clear and then hang up. After your son comes home next time and if he is punished for telling you- or is still made to cal her that I’d be down at the courthouse. Point blank. You got this girl, your son knows who his mother is- but he is being forced to do something he is not happy about and then being punished if he doesn’t thats manipulative and sick.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My exes girlfriend makes me son call her mommy: Help!
Oh hell no I’d be pissed
Nooooo. And if second tell your ex that communication needs to be between you two not his whack job wanna be mom.
Nope she has no rights and is not allowed to do this. They wont even let her in friend of the court meeting even married. He needs to grow a pair and she needs to back off
That is definitely not ok, you need to put your foot down, ask your ex how he would like it, if the shoe was on the other foot, he knows it’s not right
I’d send a text that you know she’ll see and simply say that she’s NOT his mother and he is NOT to call her mom. If he tells you one more time he gets in trouble for not calling her mom there will be consequences on both their ends. And that is not up for discussion.
I wouldn’t be as pissed but him getting in trouble for not calling her mom is weird.
If I was you, personally I would let my spouse listen in to a conversation with so called ex about this because who the fuck is that bitch.
Ole girl would be learning her place real quick & the father would be communicated with IN person if it meant showing up at his work.
You are letting them do this as you are OK with not communicating with the ex. You need to put your foot down and tell them that communication goes between you and the father.
I definitely would say something to your child’s father whether she likes it or not and I would do it in person not no text nor call n tell him very bluntly that your child isn’t allowed to call this other woman mom cause she’s not his mom and never will be. I don’t think the girlfriend and dad will be together very long since she’s trying to control him tbh.
that’s unacceptable and major crossing the line so I wouldn’t let him go over there. when your ex decides to be a MAN and communicate and coparent with you he can see him at your place or in public like a park or food spot. without his crazy girlfriend around.
Nah. I’d put a stop to him not responding and everything going through her. Until it stops, (if she refuses) then he doesn’t get your son. You are NOT co parenting with her you are co parenting with your ex. Communication should be between you and the father not his gf she is NOT his mother. You can’t really do anything about her making him call her mom unfortunately. They shouldn’t but I suppose you can also keep him from them because he’s punished simply for not calling her mom. If they aren’t married she technically isnt anyway.
Nope I would be pissed!!
I have been through this, my bd ex fiance was nuts. My kid asked for dessert and she said not til you call me the right name and I said whats that and she said mommy. My.lawyer let our foc worker and judge know this, I had proof bc I messaged her father and he said it was non of my business, and they got in big whopping trouble for it.
Sounds like the girlfriend is a controlling syco
I would go right to her!!! Now if she was in yr babes life n acted like a mother than maybe the situation would be different but I am a step mother have been called mom by her but she was 12 whn I came into her life n decided on her own. N you’re x should respect u enough to correct yr kidwhn calling u by yr name. Mediation maybe? Counseling? Sorry hun if I where u I’d tell ye son Nope I am yr mother n she is not even close call her “name”
Custody orders are between the mother and the father. I’d cut off visitations until HE communicates with you about YOUR child.
She sounds like my ex husbands ex girlfriend. That was a very difficult 3 years of my life.
My heart goes out to you.
Back to court you need to go, I’m pretty sure it’s a part of all child support and custody decree that parents but have communication with EACH OTHER
well then you better have a chat with your ex’s woman if she wont let you talk to him…
- No
- They’re not even married…
- Does she have her own kids? Sorry if stated, I read the post at a red light.
- Sounds like they’re trying to play house.
- Go to court.
Take It to family court. Have visitation modification to where she can’t be around until a certain time frame or they are married. Get strict communication schedule for you and father and have It documented it’s not to go through a 3rd party at any time.
Send a text for proof of how you feel and how your son feels, that way you have proof of what was said. She is very insecure and you are allowed to contact the father of your child about your concerns.
My kids father had this partner (no longer together THANK FUCK) but she made my 2 kids call her mum and holy shit I went pyscho, Don’t ever let somebody else force your kids to call them mum
She also did the same thing forcing me and my kids father fight non stop and would force him to not talk to me even forced him to make him not let me see my own children
Don’t stand for that shit, Don’t ever give up on trying to communicate with your kids father she isn’t the boss
You 2 are the parents and you 2 should be the ones to communicate with YOUR children
Trust me this exact situation was my situation
They are now longer together and me and him are absolute bestfriends and his new partner is absolutely amazing and not interfering
Nope. Not a snowflakes chance in hell I’d put up with that.
Id be in her ass, and his for that matter
In parenting they say to never do this
Hell no. Thats not ok. That’s overstepping her bounds and the father should correct her on that.
Uh okay so first I just want to ask, is nobody going to address the fact that her boyfriend won’t allow her to have contact with her sons father? Or am I crazy and this is normal behavior?
Girlfriend is a control freak and baby daddy needs to grow a pair.
Sounds like a control freak I would never allow it
Yeah that shit wouldn’t be allowed
She can’t. Communication is only between parents.
If not its against parenting guidelines and you should immediately get those looked at through the courts.
Rip her fucking tits off!!! 
Being a step parent can be hard but as I have experience this in a way. Instead of me forcing her to call me mom she done it on her own the very first night that she has even met me. And when her mom came and picked her up from us she got all passed off and started saying that I was forcing her to do it and that just started all kinds of stuff between us and now we are alot better than the beginning and have even came to a discussion about who gets called what when we are both around
I’d just show up at their house to “fix” the situation 
Not ok at all you are his only mother and she is definitely over stepping her place. As far as communication it should only be with his father not her. If they can’t respect that then I wouldn’t let him see your son if the girlfriend is around period. Call him out for sure because it will just get worse if you don’t. Stand your ground mama
Ask the kid what he thinks about it. If he doesn’t feel comfortable or he feels forced then find a way to make her stop! That isn’t okay to force that on a child ever! Tell him to call her by what ever he wants. If it upsets her then that’s her own issue. I would tell her what he told you and tell her you don’t like all the pressure on ur kid. That isn’t healthy! If she really cared like a “mother” would do then she would try to understand.
When you stop letting son go to dad he will talk to you or he can talk through lawyers
Get legal advice and stop contact. She has Zero right to make YOUR son call her mummy or anything like that. Ive told my kids that both me and their father are their parents and they can call our partners whatever they are comfortable saying. 1 says my mums partner the other 2 say my mums boyfriend. Children should be made to feel comfortable with significant others and not forced otherwise. I would be fucking raging like bull in a China shop I swear
I’d b writing a text 4 her!! He needs 2 reclaim his balls from her purse!!
Family court!! Heck no this is not ok I’d be having some words with that “women”
And as for the father I’d be confronting him weather she likes it or not! Your child comes first not there relationship, what a horrible person she sounds like!
My step daughter calls me momma Kacey but i let her come to that on her own I never forced it
He could be a great dad and all…but when it comes to your child this falls back on HIM for allowing it. She doesn’t call the shots. Your parenting is between you and him, not her. If I was him, I’d leave her and never look back. Go to her directly. Also contact him. Call, text. Texting might be better because you can take this to court and have a trail going.
I’d go mental nope I’d not be having this at all
YO
She needs to STEP THE FUCK BACK. He needs to tell her she needs to be put in her place ! God do it for yourself girl !
This is what I would do. If she won’t let me communicate with the father of my child and he has put his balls in her purse, that woman would learn her place real quick! Because I would put her there! 
Show up at his house or job if you need to to talk to him about it 
As childish as I’m about to sound… I’d fight her🤷🏻♀️ f all that.
As a mother I would correct my foot up her ass. Not my child, no ma’am!!
Go see baby daddy at his job
Call anyway and talk directly to her. Period!
Communicate to the girlfriend that she better cut her shit. That’s unacceptable.
So my take is he is allowing ur son to be abused bcuz of his current girlfriend’s controlling attitude. I would defiantly ask ur son how he is punished and who does it. If she is the 1 physically punishing him go file a protective order against her and let dad know he can have visits when she aint around. If no current court order is in place for visitation simply withhold ur son until dad can ensure his safety while in his care.
Check your parenting plan. It’s pretty standard in most custody agreements and parenting plans that neither parent can force or encourage the child to call anyone mom or dad that isn’t the biological parent. If it’s not in your plan reach out for a modification and have it added.
Unless you talk to him I’d make a stipulation that visitation at you place only and only by the father. That’s a little to many RED FLAGS in my book. Definitely take that back to court.
Simply walk up to the step mum at drop off and ask politely that she not make your son call her mummy.
If it continues go back to court and get it added into the orders.
If its making your son uncomfortable its worth doing
Making him…hell to the nah!! My daughters have had 2 step moms… 1 they called Mom,by choice and I embraced the fact that they loved her enough to want to.
If you can’t speak with him then text her,calmly!!! Explain why you think it’s wrong and how child feels about it. If that doesn’t work…stomp the bitchs ass 
I would not communicate though her at all… until he grows balls I will not answer any of her calls or texts and that includes pick up arrangements 
Sounds to me like this new gf is a little demented. Be careful.
That woman needs to sit down with you gave to face. Leave the father out of it and go mama bear mode on her ass.
My partners ex has done this. His SD is Dad in their house and he’s only allowed to call BF by his first name in their house. It is now at point where they are listing him for sports and school as the SD last name and his peers don’t know that we exist. It’s very alienating for us and we can’t do anything without taking them to court. I’d get on top of it ASAP. Mediation first! She can’t attend that
Also would show up at her door for MAKING him call her mom and him getting in trouble if he doesn’t
See my first thought is to punch 
his girlfriend in the throat but I’m going to recommend the mature route. If joint custody is through the court, I would petition the court to make some amendments to this agreement. Your baby should not be FORCED to call anybody else mommy. Then if he doesn’t he gets in trouble. What kind of bull:poop: is that??? How does pickup/dropoff of your son work? Basically I would want to see BOTH of them face to face and let them know that he does NOT have to call that b**ch mom if he doesn’t want to. Tell her to go have her own kid.
My then step daughter who was 7 decided to call me mom on her own…her mom wasnt around and she felt like it was best. Bio mom didnt like it, however…now she is 13 and I have since adopted her so I am mom. Maybe ask your son if he wants to call her mom.
Your ex and the kid need to get away ASAP by the sounds of things. He’s not allowed to answer his own messages ? Nah
They aren’t married and legally it’s between the 2 of u I would go to court and tell them they will see him again when she learns her place
I would politely text him (her) and say if I can’t speak to my child’s father my child won’t be speaking to either of you until I do - my child belongs to me and his dad and truly has nothing to do with you - balls in your court chic tell him to contact me asap - and see what happens then. Good luck and no she has no right to do that especially if she is just a “girlfriend” and they aren’t even married for her to even be classified as a step-mom let alone “mommy”.
He should have more balls. He is letting her run over him. I realize y’all are divorced but he should have respect for the mother of hus child and stand up for that fact!! Take him back to court and summons her there so the judge can set it right!!
She’s the gf. And thats a big NO NO . she has no say nor should she make him call her mom. I’d be flipping out on somebody . I’d be looking for a lawyer n changing the joint custody till said dad can put a stop to her . he shouldn’t even be allowing that at all that is not ok
I’vehad many custody and visitation issues… Unfortunately, you can’t just refuse a visit. You could be held in contempt of court. However, there’s nothing that says you can’t show up at his house and demand a conversation with your ex AND his little bitch (I say that because she’s being a little bitch). Take your son to grandma’s or a friend’s or whatever, so he isn’t around in case she gets nasty. That woman needs to be put in her place and your ex needs to step up. Punishing him for not calling her mommy is a huge red flag, she’s mentally abusive… Tell her she is not allowed to do that and your son doesn’t have to call her mommy. Remind her she’s just a girlfriend, and nothing more. Tell your ex if communication isn’t allowed between you two and this abusive behavior continues, you’ll take him to court to seek drastic modifications. Keep it cool on your part. Be level headed, peaceful, but direct. Remember, everything you do will be chastised… DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Times, days, places, etc. Every visit, call, text, all of it.
That woman has no right to do literally anything she’s doing.
I’m guessing she gets nasty with you when you message him since she controls him enough that she answers you. So one you need to text his phone so that it is documented. Tell them how your son feels and how you feel and address it. Then screen shot the convo so she can’t say they never got it. Take it to your lawyer. If your lawyer says it’s ok. Talk to him face to face since his gf is controlling. Address 1: calling you by your first name while he is there. Not ok, you are his mother. And that is teaching him it is okay to disrespect you. 2: being forced to call her mom and punished if he doesn’t is called abuse. It is both mental and emotional abuse. If it continues you will see about supervised visitation since she can’t play nice and he has no spine. 3: communication is only supposed to be between you and him not you and her. She is not his parent.
Oh boy is this deja vu:thinking:
She is messing with the childs mind. Call his attorney.
I’d be livid. I’d go have a conversation with the both of them
Definitely not ok and to make the child feel like they have to or they will get in trouble is disgusting if he chooses to call her mum then that’s different but you cannot force a child to do it gf, step parent or whatever you are if your not their mother and they don’t feel comfortable calling you mum don’t force them to,.
I would be going to their house directly and speaking to your ex don’t keep letting your child go through this stand up and protect him,.
Take it to court. Buy a recorder the next time your son goes with them. Have him record her. And have that for proof.
I have a daughter, and I do not make my daughter call my husband (her step-dad) Dad. We discussed it and I said if she wants to it will be a conversation for him and her to have. Her Dad is still around so I don’t see the need. I also have a step-daughter. She does not call me mum nor would I ask her too. She has a close relationship with her Mum and I am not here to take that place.
Something like that should never be forced and It needs to be addressed. Communicate it to the partner if there is no other option.
Be straight forward with her AND the dad for allowing it. You can be to the point without throwing a punch. I would put a end to her only speaking to you also, and your baby’s father can’t. Its time that she grows the fuck up. Grow that back bone darling.
Many men are co-dependant and as soon as they get a new woman to use as their personal trellis they surrender themselves and their parenting to the new woman, most everyone is telling you to get pissed about this but its better if you just download a form to petition for modification of custody and put in an envelop with his name on it and put in your childs backpack next visit, you’ll definately hear from him, (parenting is no surrender)
Stop all visitations and contact, the father will call you, if his girlfriend does, tell her you will not talk to her but to the father. If she freaks let her, stand your ground. If your ex contacts you and freaks out tell them she is not the parent and that he needs to talk to you . If not get a lawyer and get full custody.
You need to check her then him but definitely her…
Girl I’ve had the same problem and it never got talked about.
I dealt with this for 10 freaking years…courts wont get involved. Thankful that cunt is out of my kids lives and mine!!!
She is a gf not a wife. Why is he letting her run the show?? Sounds a little hen pecked to me!!
Why not address her? I would face to face with my child
I would simply text him (her since she’s the one responding) and tell her that either he communicates with you about your child himself or you will take extra measures by going to court and enforcing the matter.
I would be on there doorstep telling her straight, my son don’t call anyone else Mummy but me & he wouldn’t be going there anymore til my ex grew some balls & put a stop to her shit
You can’t talk to him? 
hmmm how does the child get to see him? Do you never meet him/her face to face? I’m confused lol
I would do a notice that the child cannot go over there until you are able to communicate with his other parent. My husbands ex wife is annoying and i do say something when she calls too much but never get crabby when she calls about the kids. They also refer to me as a mom and if hubby addresses me like “give that to mama” (we have 3 little ours kids we call each other mama and dada) they answer but to address me they use my name . i would not be ok sending my kids to an adult im not able to communicate with
You tell that bish that is YOUR SON. Confront her. Baby daddy won’t do anything. He’s scared of her.
There is nothing you can do about what goes on at the other house! If your son is being cared for properly count your blessings…and don’t sweat the small stuff!! In the big picture of life, these things will not matter some day!! If you are confident in being a good mother, who cares about the things that go on in someone else’s home! If you are like me…you are busy enough taking care of the things in your own home!!!
Girl. I would lose my mind. Stand your ground n put her in her place and put an end to that! And tell her to take a back seat. You need to be able to communicate with your child’s father!
My ex’s girlfriend tried to answer everything for him and I put an end to that real quick. I said I’m not interested in communication with her and that he needed to grow a pair . I refused to try and co parent with someone who is not actually my child’s parent.
Also, what they are doing is very damaging and confusing to a child. If I were you, I would insist on a sit down meeting with both of them and lay it out. If they don’t, back to court you go. No judge in the world would think this is ok