My fiance is an alcoholic and I need advice

Please do better for your kids and leave. Why do you want him to continue treating you badly, and please don’t make excuses for him. He is even abusing you and you are the one providing for him, you are already single, but leave, at least you will be single but at peace.

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Don’t be stupid, get out of this relationship NOW!!

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Cut back more or QUIT

Please Leave. If he changes, you can go back after a long time of sobriety. You accepted him this way so he doesn’t understand why you have a problem with it. Never expect someone to change “later”. What you see is what you get. Your kids need stability and do NOT need to see this and think this way of living and how he treats you is normal. :cry::two_hearts:

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Listen to Dr.Laura podcasts & she will give you straight answers. Why do you tolerate this abuse, he does nothing for you or the family?

He’s not going to change

If you’re buying the beer you are only doing it to yourself.

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move on it wont get better. i know i have been there

I’ve been there. He’s addicted to alcohol and he’s abusive. This isn’t an excuse or just the way it is. If he cares about his family he needs an ultimatum. Get sober or leave. You’re done with the shit. Get a restraining order and be strong. Don’t let yourself be put through this pain when you deserve so much more. The kids are seeing this behavior, you don’t want them to choose that life, and you’ll do anything to prevent that right? Then don’t let them think that’s ok. If that’s his kids then say daddy is sick, or just explain he’s sick but don’t let that abuse be around and he needs rehab and 12 step program

1.) you are an enabler…write that down 2.) leave him because he will change only when he wants to and obviously he is not choosing to get sober

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Your doing it on your own any way he will never change while he’s getting it for free do him a favour and yourself and the kids leave him the kids shouldn’t have to live with a lazy drunk that has no respect for you or the them

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Don’t just leave, run! You & your kids deserve better.

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Ewwwww stop enabling that bum.

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Just kick his ass out

Watch The Maid. Its verbal abuse, controlling, manipulating, making you feel you deserve nothing better- it is abuse. Your kids will notice it and it will eventually affect them, not necessarily make them that way but affect them somehow. Would you ever want your daughter to be in your shoes (if you have one) or your son to act like him ? Its heartbreaking and its not just about those kids either. Its about you. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated the way you have always dreamed of. There are men out there like that and you will find one if he can’t sober up and change for his family. You cannot wait for change. Get out and be supportive from afar if you’re able or make him leave. You and your kids deserve a better life and to be happy. I wish you the best of luck. Always here for anyone who needs to vent and even if it takes you a few times to get the courage to do something that’s ok. You’re not failing, he is. :heart:

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STOP buying him alcohol. STOP supporting him and making excuses for him. STOP putting up with his crap and LEAVE! Never put yourself behind someone’s addiction to drugs or alcohol. NEVER! He gets ONE chance to quit drinking all alcohol or you leave. Period. Intervention and ultimatum time. Don’t reduce your worth and have your children seeing how an alcoholic treats you after he gets his fix. 125 ounces a day!?!? If a person had to drink that much water a day it would be a lot. But that much alcohol daily and you aren’t even questioning it? I work with alcoholics and they don’t change unless they hit rock bottom and have a reason to maintain their sobriety. If his family isn’t enough of a reason, then LEAVE AND DON’T LOOK BACK!!!

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Why is he even an option at this point???

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I wouldn’t say children are a reason to stay in a relationship but I don’t think I heard mention of you guys sharing children? (Sorry it’s been a long day, I’m kind off my game) I understand you love this man but this is no relationship you should want to be in. You may be in your interest to bail out before children do enter the mix, if they haven’t already, and it gets messy.

You better run. You are damaging your 4 children watching that behavior. He is being abusive.

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Why would you want to be in such an unhealthy relationship? Please love yourself and don’t let anyone mistreat you ever. If he is alcoholic he needs to get treatment for his sickness but he doesn’t seem like he wants to and you should not be his doormat

RUN it will not get better

He won’t change until he’s ready. I’d give him an ultimatum, quit drinking all together or you leave. Period. Be ready to actually leave and know where you’re going. Drinking that much he will need to taper down to quit, or he’ll need to check into rehab. But if he’s not willing to do this for himself, he won’t do it for you. Good luck.

You are so sweet, and you are smart with you’re methods to make it better ishh… There are resources to help you… grab some advice from this post, make a plan and make it happen for yourself and your kiddos. :heart:

He is getting to sit at home on his drunk butt while you work. Stop buying him beer.

Run. I stayed almost 13 years with an alcoholic. We got together when I was 16, he was my first true love. He drank pretty casual at first but after a year or two, it became clear he was an alcoholic. I stayed because I wanted to “fix” him and I loved the man I knew he could be. We went through rehab, AA meetings, 3 weeks in the hospital finding out he had cirrhosis. I gave and ultimatum at the hospital that if he drank again, I was done. He drank a few days after we came home. I left and things didn’t end well :disappointed: We had no children, but I can’t imagine bringing children up in household like that. He needs to admit that he has a problem and wants help! Put yourself and those babies first, if he doesn’t think there’s a problem.

What you are describing is abuse. To you and your children. Whether anything he says or does is directed to them or not, they are seeing and hearing it. I’m not saying he will, but abusers can turn very violent when their victim attempts to leave. So reach out to family or friends, plan a safe exit, and go. Do not subject yourself or your children to this anymore. You and your children would also benefit from individual and family counseling.

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Leave. An alcoholic will NOT change unless they WANT to. It can’t be forced, but you shouldn’t deal with abuse either. Just leave before he moves from verbal abuse into physical abuse.

Kick his sorry ass out!
Something tells me no matter what advice you get on here ur still gonna keep living like this… you’ll know when u had enough. But ur kids are suffering watching it all.

Leave him. Kick him the fuck out of your house and get rid of the dead weight. You deserve better. So do your kids. He can go find a place to stay and a job and pay you child support too

Why would you want to live with him? Run girl

Stop supporting him…He needs treatment and you need to move on and get a safe environment for the children…

RIP liver. He’s going to regret this when he needs to go on dialysis in 10 years.

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I’m amazed he was able to drink 2 30 packs of beer daily before that and still be alive. I would 100% tell him he needs help or your leaving x

Move on. I did mine was like that

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Move on for sure! You & your children should not have to live in a house like this. Remember monkey see, monkey do. Your children may grow up thinking this is a normal way to be treated & it is absolutely NOT! This won’t get better until he is ready to put the work in to quit the alcohol & that doesn’t sound like it will be anytime soon.Take care of you & your children’s future, goodluck.

You knew what he was from the beginning. Did you get involved thinking you could change him? That’s a suckers bet. People change because they want to, not because of how much we love the idiots. Get yourself out before his miserable mouth starts being physical hits.

That’s real nice for the kids to live like that smh why would you put then through that and continue to feed his addiction and pay for it while he does nothing?

Leave until he gets the help he needs. He doesn’t realize he has a problem and nothing will change until he faces the problem.

You KNEW he was an alcoholic from the get go and still decided to pursue a relationship?
And then decided to have kids with him?
And a marriage?
And put up with his verbal and emotional abuse for years?
WHY?
Is that the type of shit you want your kids growing up with?
For them to think relationships like your’s are ok?

Dear God woman, run the other way. He needs some serious therapy and a program of some sort! You and the kids deserve so much better!

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He has to want to change and go to AA or sorry Charlie’s , your gone. Don’t look back . It only gets worse. STOP being an anablier buying his beer and cigs.

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Leave. You are setting your kids up for failure if you don’t. Think of the example you set for them. It hurts, I know.

Leave hun he won’t change I went threw some similar things and it will only get worse . Don’t put yourself or your children threw that . He needs help and he won’t change unless he wants to . And if you push it on him it’s only going to make him do it more . It’s best to just walk away it’s not like he’s doing anything for you he’s only mentally abusing you and you don’t deserve that . Let him fall and be alone so then he can realize what he’s doing is getting him nowhere . Best of luck to you doll .

I have been married to an alcoholic for almost 40yrs …he has been sober for 32yrs
My advice , get the hell out now before it’s too late . He will not change he will blame u for every thing
I’m not kidding fucking run :running_woman: BTW
Pm me if ya wanna talk

It’s no excuse for his behavior :triumph:

But as I was reading this
I thought maybe there’s deeper issues :thinking:
Like his parents/garden
getting drunk and treating him the way he treats you

In all honesty I would say it right back to him
Every last mean word

I’m sorry you go through this

You cannot stay with this man. You deserve so much more. Start planning your escape strategy- so what if it takes a year. Start planning your new life without him.

Honestly, from another man’s POV, he would’ve changed for you already if he was going to. He either can’t change or he won’t. Leave him and get your kids out of there. Nobody deserves that and neither do your kids.

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You mean 5 kids? Honey please boot him OUT! You are setting your children up for failure and making them think this is ok. Your not his mother and don’t have to justify anything, don’t buy his disrespectful ass nothing. Today I would show him just how much of a bitch I could be! Nobody deserves to be called out of their name period. You would be so much happier without him. Let him use and mooch elsewhere! Stand up for you and your babies!

Get out and support yourself and your children, your children do and yourself do not deserve to be around this, you are not going to be able to help him if he was like this before you got together, it’s good that he has managed to cut down, but he needs professional help, until he can accept that you will be living like this day in and day out. Get out and move on, for your sake as well as the children.

my therapist say about these type of situations are you waiting for him to beat the hell out of you. It won’t get better. Op needs to run not walk not slow pace but run. Stop holding onto what you expect him to be and stop thinking your going to be the one to fix him. STOP STOP :stop_sign:

I have a infatuation with men in drug abuse and alcohol. It’s okay to enjoy the “good memories you have and you don’t half to hate him to leave him. :broken_heart:. YOU taught him how to treat you. YOU shown him you will tolerate this kind of behavior there is no consequence. Now YOU NEED to show him how you walk out the door. YOU have awoken and saw no change. YOU AWOKEN saw your SELF WOTH. Unfortunately you are not going to be the one he changes for. However you can remove yourself as painful as it is say enough. Run don’t walk. :pleading_face:

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It’s easier to fight another person then a substance. Get out of the house and Give him an ultimatum. If he wants you to come back he is to quit drinking. If he doesn’t you know your place in his heart. He needs to fight the substance. Stop enabling and take care of you and the kids. Your children are learning that this behavior and relationship are ok, which it isn’t. Do you want your children in this situation now or even as an adult?

First of all, I have and am in the same type of relationship. I started dating a man after I had been completely single for 7 years. He drank I knew , he kept telling it was because he was lonely, he’d stop if he had someone. Well 9 years later we been married 8 and still is still a acholic. If they don’t want to stop they won’t. It won’t matter how much you do , or try to do. The verbal is abuse . If you continue to stay it will be physical abuse. The children you say 4 and our. Are these child his 4 in three years? Those children deserve much better they are seeing the disrespect towards you. They will either realize its wrong or they will think its acceptable because their mother accepts it and they will do the same. You cannot put a alcoholic on a limit that don’t work they’re going to drink what they want to drink simple as that and then whatever abuse they do they’ll use that as their excuse three years in and it’s not changed it’s not going to change 9 years in it hasn’t changed I’ve been to jail because I defended myself I left a mark on him he was he even cursed the cop but but because I left a mark on him I got arrested. You need to get out and away… threats will come , you can’t live without me or he can’t live without you. Etc. My advice as a 57 year old who has been in several simpler relationships its not going to change until he wants too. Don’t waste your life , give up your self-esteem and sacrifice your children to this drunk. It also seems he doesn’t work. Get ride of his ass. You will be much happier and safe. Women are given great strength to endure and survive. Use it and get out .

What does he have to be stressed about. He has you taking care of everything. Your enabling him to do this. It obvious you can support yourself. Give a notice to leave , if he don’t leave then evict through court. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. He’s like this he just uses the beer as a excuse. Nooooo he’s a ass anyway. Stop buying it. ! It will get nasty but stop. Give him a notarized notice to leave. Or you relocate don’t tell him just find another place and move move in the middle of tge night while he’s passed out
What ever it takes to get away. He will eventually be beating on you or maybe even the kids. Then if they aren’t his children sexual abuse is a very high possibility. Get out get away…

Move on stop wasting your time

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Stop enabling him!!! Take yourself and your kids and go. This is so unhealthy for you and your kid’s. As amother you are supposed to protect your children, instead you are showing and allowing them to watch you be mentally abused. You are showing them its OK to be mistreated. You and your children do not deserve this. Please if not for you for your kids leave.

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Leave him it wouldn’t get better unless he got help and he doesn’t want help so u need to take the kids and leave or kick him out

People don’t change - they want to, but they just can’t do it most of the time. Save yourself a lifetime of misery and LEAVE.

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Move on. All the signs are there

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So. 3 years 4 kids?? And he’s a useless dickwad. I would buy him a whole case of tallboys pack the car and hit send the moment he’s asleep. Avoid the argument and leave a note if your nice lol

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Why are you still with this jerk? Leave him now and save yourself a lifetime of anguish ! It will only get worse and you could end up dead!

Do you want to vent or do you want advice because anyone who is still putting up with this behavior & being an enabler pretty much wants to be there. If you’re just venting “let it out” but if you want advice “I never dealt with an addiction/addict but you’re crazy for staying. Don’t walk away run. Get out asap because you don’t deserve it”

NO!! NO!!NO!! DO NOT PUT UP WITH THIS JERK!!! If he is not contributing and can not treat you like the QUEEN you are boot him OUT!!! He is not helping you at all!!! He sounds like a selfish prick who needs to grow the eff up!!! LEAVE OR KICK HIM OUT!!!

He’s not going to change and it will just get worse. You are already a single mom of your 4 kids and him. He needs to be alone and sort himself out. Even name calling it’s a form of emotional abuse and you don’t need that in your life.
You need to put your babies and you first. You can’t leave like this forever…

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Why??? Life is too short for the Abuse and BS! Kids dont need to be around this!

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He needs to stop drinking

Leave, live, love you

Move on today. You teach people how to treat you. He has no motivation to improve his behavior. He knows he is an abusive alcoholic, and has found that you accept his behavior. Get out before your children learn that you have no value.

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My opinion, you would be 5 beers richer nightly without this buttnugget. You will have so much money for you and your kids. You wouldn’t have to deal with abuse each and ever night. Either kick him to the curb or leave. I would just leave. If your paying for everything now you can do everything by yourself. I would get my kids out to safety if I were you and you would grow to be a stronger person. You as a human deserve so much more respect than this. There are some amazing men out there that take care of their families and don’t do this. For your safety and the children let go of this asshole. That’s all he is. Abusive! He’s ruining you.

Why are you still providing for him? Kick his ass out the door.

He doesn’t work, you buy the beer and cigarettes so you enable him? No change is coming.

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Move on. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done, but trust me it’s for the best!! Find your strength :muscle:…build on that. Know you don’t deserve to be treated bad. Your kids see everything!!

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He isn’t going to change throw his ass out

I had a friend Like this he died they don’t last that long when they drink this much you don’t know what it does to your body

Surprised you haven’t already married this " CATCH ". You do know the next action will be physical, like a black eye, busted lip, etc. ?? He is teaching the boys how to treat women and the girls are learning from you, this is what a woman takes. Get him GONE before you are killed !!

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From experience… move on…

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Girl what the fuck are you even doing? Take that thing to the homeless shelter and move on with your life. I don’t understand women like this. :roll_eyes:

Get out now. Was with my ex husband for 9 years. 6 of those he was a really bad alcoholic. Would drink a pint to two pints to himself a night. Get out now.

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He’s never gonna change. You need to kick this boy outta your house & move on.

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Oh my god hell no. Reminds me of my ex nasty alcoholic. Same ass shit with buying beers for him daily nightly. I threw him out and moved on. THESE TYPES NEVVVVER CHANGE - ONLY GET WORSE - you cannot regulate it! I had to get a restraining order and there was a whole court case but I left that life. Life is wayy to short.

I would have him go to the place you buy his tall boys and see thay they are out of them but go out before and make sure they are actually out of the tall boys that day. But I know you probably don’t want advise but I would leave him. I wouldn’t be able to handle some one like that. He is abusive and it’s not good for your mental help. Even if he doesn’t hit you when he gets mad every day he is still verbally abusive and mentally abusive and also emotionally abusive as he treats you so wrong. And if he won’t go to see help then he’s not going to change at all

Do not marry him please. You do not deserve this. He needs help or needs to leave.

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Why the hell you with him ??? He’s a abuser , free loader and no damn man !!! Kick his ass to the curb !! Your showing your kids that men don’t need to work and a woman is nothing but a slave !! Sorry truth hurts !!!

You need to take care of you and children. I was very to an alcoholic for 15 years it was like being in prison. When he would go on a binge he was this horrible monster he stabbed me once. I stitched myself up instead of going to the hospital to have to tell somebody there what had happened. He beat me up when I was pregnant with our second child. He slammed me to the ground once when I was pregnant and caused me to have a miscarriage. Blamed it on me. He tried to drowned our year and a half old daughter because he was drunk one time because she wasn’t a boy so he felt that she wasn’t his. Yes these are horror stories unless you want your life to look like that escape while you can

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He isnt going to change for you or anyone. Why should he. You let him walk all over you, be disrespectful to you. He is a self centered narcisst evident by what you have stated. He has by now got cirrhosis and liver failure from his drinking and will end up with ascites and dying. Why put up with the crap just to in the end be tied up with taking care of a dying drunk before his time.

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You are enabling him by supporting his habit. Listen…HE WILL ONLY GET WORSE. You need to take your kids out of this toxic situation. If you can’t do it for yourself; do it for your kids. He is off the charts abusive. RUN!!!

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Why do you think so little of yourself that you put up with such abuse? Run! Stop being an enabler.

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Leave. Nothing will get better by you enabling him to drink if he dosnt want to he wont

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Honey it’s not going to get better do not stay with him if this is how he treats you

Leave his sorry arse!

If he provides or adds nothing to your life… why would you want him in it!! You are just as guilty for his alcohol addiction as he is since you are the one providing it, you are enabling him. Until you realize you deserve better not just for yourself but for your children nothing will change.

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He needs help. Al-Anon will be your best friend.

Leave his ass! Take ur kids with ya.

… why are you with him? I see zero positives listed here.

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Stop buying this shit for him, save yo pennies then leave.
Leave while he has passed out, so he can wake up and realise you and his family are gone

Been there and no way would I go there again. He won’t get better till he gets help and wants to stop

Do you really want to compete with a can of cheap beer for the rest of your life? Leave cos believe me it does not change.

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No, he won’t change. Did I read that right? 2 30 packs daily? 60 beers? Did I also read that you buy it all for him? You are enabling him. You’re buying him the substance that he takes and then calls you names, and then are writing this post because you’re hurt about it. Personally, I’d leave. STAT. It’s not like you can’t take care of yourself or your kids. You are doing it anyway. As a matter of fact, it sounds like you should stay and HE should leave. Boy, bye.

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Move on…kick his ass to the curb…until you stand up for yourself this is all you will ever get…you deserve more and someone better!!

Run a mile. Make that absolute arseholes leave and buy his own damn crap.

So he’s contributes nothing to the household and is a complete fucking asshole 24/7 because he’s drunk 24/7?
Girl… change the locks while he’s gone and tell him not to come back until he’s 30 days sober​:woman_shrugging:t2::muscle:t4: