My fiance thinks baby gift cards are for him to spend on himself: Advice?

You both are having a whinge over gift cards, regardless.

There is no right or wrong answer.

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My only advice is to know if you stay with him he is never going to change. So selfish. Get away from him. Sorry

Sounds like you picked a real winner. You must have seen this before you got pregnant. :running_man:

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You’re in a relationship with this guy??? Forget about the gift cards, you’re going to have a lot of other problems!

Get out and file for child support. Then you can use that money for you and your baby. He can have the gift cards.

Wayment…he really told you he going to spend it on his other kids…this just didn’t start today, this man been treating you like this, girl run, and take that nigga to child support cause that look like the only way you gonna get any dough out of him​:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

Young lady, please use your God Given Brains. His first marriage failed…you now have a glimpse of the real person. A child isn’t going to change that. You’re going to have a child and committed or not the is a indication here that you’re going to be as a single mom. Don’t sell yourself short…do what’s best for you and your little one before there is heartbreak, anger and emotional devastation. Get Out Now.He obviously didn’t change in the former relationship…don’t expect it not.

I think those are some serious red flags and I wouldn’t be marrying this individual if child costs fell on you (even if he did pay you back half) and he’s taking baby gift cards for him and his gaggle of other children. You’re gonna end up just another baby mama to this dude.

Yay, Hope you are not married. This selfishness is for his former kids! Your child doesn’t count. He won’t change

Right after I dump him, I’d let his boss know how these cards were used. How did you get messed up with this POS anyway? He’s using the money for his other kids - I doubt it. He’s probably already got another squeeze. Run, girl!

He still expects you to pay half the bills while you’re on maternity leave taking care of YALL’S baby? Your best bet is to run like yesterday! He’s a selfish prick.

Gifts card for the baby are usually used for the baby and no one else.

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Cut and run now, save you money and hard ache. If he doesn’t care anything about his unborn he will care about it when it arrives.

It seems very clear why he’s divorced.

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You picked a very selfish man who will never put you or his child first. He is not your husband, walk away now before he is.

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I think that its real clear why he has previous relationshipS. The boss obviously gave them to him for the new baby. If he intended for him to use them as he pleased, it would have been given as a bonus to him. He only got the card and gift cards because there’s a new baby coming home. What a jerk!

He sounds like a JERK! If you honestly have to ask, you already know there’s a major issue with him. Listen to your gut. Take care of yourself and your children.

Sell the ring he gave you to support yourself while you find a new man

Ridiculous,his,mine,what about ours🤔and cards should b for yall,not him,and if he gave craps,he would b buying baby stuff,not just u

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My sons father and I received a card from his parents for xmas with 100$ in it never seen the cash and we never used it together and he hasn’t gotten our son anything for xmas either besides a shirt and shoes or his bday in June or doesn’t buy diapers and wipes anymore my sons 2. We weren’t engaged or anything but together for about 5 years and I would do so much for his first born( with out asking wanting him to be included ) so me personally would be straight up and say no there for US AS A FAMILY to use food gift card wise and the others are to buy the small necessities we may of forgotten to ask for the baby shower. If that doesn’t work I would chalk it as a loss and not let his use what he does give you.

I’d take those gift cards & kick his rear to the curb so fast it’d make his head spin. Then take him to court for child support. He didn’t have the baby you did. I don’t even think he loves the baby or you. DEAD BEAT DAD

He wouldn’t be called my fiancé anymore. Probably just baby daddy.

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Sorry for this kind of thinking Those cards are for the baby and food for both of you they should not be spent on his other kids!!

Time to rethink the future. He will not change and sounds like you deserve someone who is on the same page with you. Ypu and your children deserve better.

If you guys can’t even handle a gift card issue how in the world are you going to raise a child together? This is extremely petty and for it to go so far that you have to reach out on social media for help shows that there are very deep communication issues. You both have kids from other marriages it sounds like. If you want to be a family then I would suggest getting couples therapy immediately and also see a therapist on your own separately. Use the gift cards to pay for the therapy if you don’t have insurance.
Of course all the gift cards should be used for the baby. The food ones should be used for you both, together, or to take all your kids out. This isn’t a hard thing and if he is making it this difficult over a gift, I can’t imagine how he handles day to day stresses. I am flabbergasted by his behavior! I’m sorry you are dealing with this while getting ready to deliver a new baby. He may not be worth it. :slightly_frowning_face:

Sounds like there’s a reason to why his previous marriages never worked out. He needs a reality check. What a selfish attitude to have towards life.

…so you had a kid with him and he still tells you “your family”? Excuse me? Screw the gift cards, no wonder why he’s been divorced already. His child that you are having makes your family his family now, being engaged also means that. Wonder if anyone is going to tell him then that his kids are also his ex’s kids so he doesn’t really have “his family” like he thinks if he wants to tell you that you and his kid are “your family”. That constant separation is a good indication that he does not intend on being a parent nor stick around long enough to find out, and that he’s not really all that bright upstairs as his logic is full of holes. If you don’t leave, he will eventually and he’ll take all he can because it sounds like that’s what his ex did, which may be why he’s so abrupt to keep everything separated and take what he can when he can get it. Stop asking social media for advice or of its right or wrong and do what your brain is already telling you to do as it should be screaming at you that this is all very wrong. In the future, be wary of the divorced. Not all that are divorced are at fault, sometimes it really is just a mutual agreement that things aren’t working out, sometimes both are at fault, and sometimes it really is one person at fault, but you should definitely figure out why it happened and attempt to really get to know the person before even getting engaged or have kids because you don’t know if their lack of a respectable personality or any respect for that matter is why their previous marriage failed. Like what a slap to the face, “your family”. I’d take “my family” and leave then with that attitude. There’s plenty out there who actually want a family and don’t care that they’re not the biological parent, I hope you find someone who will treat you and your child like “our family” because this man never will and I would hate for you, or anyone really, to waste your life and your child’s life over someone who clearly doesn’t deserve it.

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Get out now…what a selfish man. If you dont stand your ground now, down the road accept the POS he is. My advice…

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I can see why he’s had previous marriages. I would personally run.

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Don’t do it! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I really wish I would have listened to my momma and others about a certain individual. Please do not marry this man.

I despise one parent does this. Also when they take the money if you give them cash and use it for themselves. And this point on I would let everybody know that if they’re going to give the child gift cards to please give it to you so could be used appropriately. And take pictures of what you purchased with the card and let the person know

He should give you all the gift cards to use for the baby and you not him or his other kids! Also if he’s any kind of man he will not expect you to pay any bills until you go back to work! Hate to say it but he sounds like he very selfish !

All your assets are shared in a relationship, not just one sided, but if he has another family from a previous marriage, then he also has a responsibility to those kids but that isn’t your responsibility. Maybe there’s good reason he has PREVIOUS MARRIAGES

DON’T MARRY HIM - he is childish, self centered and the only one he truly cares about is himself. Save yourself a lot of money and don’t marry him because divorces are expensive. This is the good time in your relationship. I know this is harsh but cut your losses now and go to court for child support.

This sounds like a super toxic relationship. Obvs the buy buy baby ones are for baby. A few should go to you to make things easier after baby and help with needs but tbh you don’t need all of them. Once upon a time I was a single mother of four…I birthed my baby, came home and did what I had too. Unless it’s a c section or there are serious complications you’ll be perfectly fine to be able to cook a meal or whatever after babies birth. We’re not some kinda delicate flower that can’t find for ourselves. Even your Dr will tell you at discharge time,there aren’t really any limitations following birth.

…ugh. Was he always an inconsiderate jerk? Or is this new? Either way, it sounds like you should dip before it gets worse. If he barely cares NOW, he won’t get better after the baby.

It sounds like he needs to grow up ,it also sounds like he is not up to support a child honey all I can say is bail while you can.

I think you have bigger problems than who gets the gift cards.
You can ignore what I think (but you did ask), you should either have a hard conversation with him and set him straight on how adults/parents should behave OR he needs to find somewhere else to live.
To me, unless MAJOR CHANGES HAPPEN it will only get worse (and harder to get out of).
Sorry I bet this isn’t what you want to hear. My opinion.
Take care of yourself and the baby

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Well did you send out a thank you card fir the gift. And if you’re arguing about money, the relationship is doomed. He is selfish and maybe hiding stuff from you already. Wake up!

Kick his selfish but out- his boss gave those cards to him to give to you for the baby not his other kids this man has lost his last mind :crazy_face::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::crazy_face::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Have you considered adoption? You all can fight over the gift cards after and let this child grow up undamaged.

Sounds like you’ve picked a real winner there!!! It will only get worse ! He is a real loser and apparently has been through this situation before with someone else!! SO!!

Mine… Yours… he’s only gonna get worse, the more he gets away with the more he’ll do, sounds like he doesn’t respect u, in 25 years time u’ll wish u go rid

I mean if they’re for both of you I think it makes sense to split them and you do what you want with your half and he does what he wants with his ? They’re literally just gift cards it’s not that serious

get out. get as far away from this guy as you can. do not look back. just go. if what you’re saying is true, he cares little to nothing for ‘others’… he will never make a good partner, or a good father. save yourself, and your child.

He goes to work his boss gave them to him he can do what the fuck he wants, if you feel he doesn’t look after you then fuck off and find someone else

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My personal opinion. You’re in a relationship that is destined to fail. Get out while you can. He sounds selfish immature and out for himself. Look at his past :sob:

I’m a bit concerned that you are both not on the same page me and my partner don’t have his and her money what we earn is both of ours so there is no I paid for it all and he only paid me back half In our situation it’s a partnership and honestly it’s some gift cards that are meant for you all if you already have everything does it matter what they go on if you really need them for formula and nappies ect then just let him know that look I’m sorry but we don’t have the money for you to spend it we need it for the baby

No need to HAVE a baby … you already have one! Seriously! I had to read this twice to make sure it wasn’t a joke. He ought to be embarrassed by this. FIANCÉE….YOU ARE WRONG ON ALLLLL COUNTS.

Relationship seems very tit for tat, he doesn’t owe you anything though but he should be paying half for a baby you both had. Shouldnt be expecting anything but usually partners share willingly… hmm

It sounds like you both need to sit down and have an adult conversation. If you can’t be civil with each other it’s time to call it a day on the relationship. The child is more important and it’s the child who will suffer growing up in a shitty atmosphere.

Sad to say this is the mentality that is prevalent these days. It used to be “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby… “ Now its “oh, a baby is on the way. Maybe we’ll get engaged. I’m not saying it never works out, but if the commitment to put the other person first wasn’t there before a child came on the scene it’s not likely to happen. I know, I’m old-fashioned. But I’ve seen it enough to recognize the trend.

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Sounds like a heel to me, get out of there, run fast, find someone else to share this baby with or buck up and do it yourself!

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What a duesh bag. If he is like that now, he will be worse
later. Leave him now while you are able and start a new life for you and your baby. He may harm you and the baby later. Good luck.

Too bad you had a baby with him should kick him to the curb think how selfish he is he won’t help you with the baby

I was in the same situation with my children’s father. He kept a running tab on what I owed him too and had to pay him with my taxes. I eventually left him but it was after having our 5 children. He’s definitely not a team player and that’s what relationships are.

Take all the gift cards and run. Send him back to his mum. There’s a reason he has multiple baby mummas

Is it that hard to show your partner some empathy during and after pregnancy? Some of these stories make me want to go full gay :tired_face:

There is probably no way to change his mind. It’s a shame you can’t change your mind about him being the baby daddy!

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Leave him he does not deserve you he is selfish he doesn’t care for you and your baby if you have a job and you can provide the needs of your child leave you don’t need him.

Did he grow up in a large family perhaps? Some people have a deeply ingrained need to fight for their ”fair share.” Explain to him that things now need to be split three ways:you, him, and the baby. His other kids are not entitled to a portion of the gift for your baby; and the baby’s share definitely doesn’t come out of your half.

I also think he is being unfair, No other kids should be involved. You and the new baby should come first. You should say forget marriage until he grows up and shows it .he might have done the same to the first girl
And their kids , he wants alot for nothing .He probably owes back child support to the first one. Check it out

I wouldn’t/ couldn’t even consider living with a man like that… get out of the relationship.

He probably needs to hear things from a neutral party about the food cards and that they are for both of you not him and his other kids that’s ridiculous! Wishing you well hope it works out🙂

Pure example as why birth control should of been used. Neither person sounds grown up enough to have children if ur fighting over gift cards

If he is being petty be petty back and ask his boss who it was for lmao watch him squirm when his boss inquires about it

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Take your losses and get out of there. Those were given to you and him and the new baby. Not him and his kids from the ex. This is only the start it will get worse once the baby gets here. Also when and if the boss asked you about the gift cards. Thank you for the one for the baby and the food. When asked you don’t know nothing about them. Throw back on his back

Men often feel left out of the baby festivities. Let him have the cards; the finances will work out so long as he’s an active parent.

Wow, this dude sounds like a real piece of shit. Those gift cards were gifts to be used on the baby and meals for them. I don’t understand why he thinks he has a right to use them for anything other than that. I would never in my wildest dreams do some selfish bullshit like this.

Saw red flag when you said “previous marriages” the like not even just one previous marriage but multiple… Says a lot to me that. But yeah if the car was addressed to both of you as a congrats on the baby, then the gift cards get spent on baby and the food ones for you two as parents during the first few weeks. He’s taking them being addressed to both of you as splitting the use of them down the middle to do as you please cause in his mind that’s fair. But it’s not really for that. He’s got his priorities twisted

Don’t marry him, you’re already questioning him morals, you deserve to be happy, you talked to the ex and find out what kinda husband and father he was, he sounds like a self centred person to me

When he pushes a baby out of his body through a vagina, he can keep those cards for himself. :roll_eyes:

I’m going to also add about you paying half the bills while home caring for your baby. If you are getting married aren’t all the family money in one account and all finances are just shared from the joint account. No one in a marriage should have any more or less than the other. It’s one pot. I do agree with each having a side account with equal amounts for personals extras. To me the whole situation sounds wrong.

I’d personally thank his boss for the 3 gift cards OUTLOUD in front of him.

If he insists on keeping them, fine. Let him, you don’t need the stress, but going forward let him be the one to carter to other baby expenses like formulas and diapers

Do you guys go out to eat separately ? Do you consider his children your step kids & does he consider your children his step kids? It sounds like you guys are roommates fighting over gift cards. Take your whole family out to eat & pay with the gift card! He paid you back half for baby stuff? I am so confused.

I learned the hard way when my husband used to say “What’s yours is mine, what’s mine’s my own, just kidding!” He wasn’t. You need to leave the relationship and if you aren’t married, don’t even think about it.

So you thought it was a good idea to have a child with this person you should have asked his exs their opinion on his personality :thinking:

If you both are still in the “I bought this, you buy that” or “you need to pay me back” parts of your relationship wtf are you even doing together? You’re about to have a baby for crying out loud. Sounds like your boyfriend is kinda spoiled and selfish and can’t wait to see him as a father to a child he actually has to share with. Keep us posted!

Y’all are crazy on here first of all this is one side to a story no wonder divorce rates are up no one wants to make a relationship work and ALL the kids come first she got with him knowing he has kids so if the baby has everything there’s no reason he can’t use it on his other kids anyways they were his from his boss I’m assuming u guys have everything u need an so what if he wants to get himself something And if u don’t consider his kids family maybe he should run from u cuz I’m sure u make them feel left out N u didn’t do everything urself cuz he gave u money plus u said u wanted the gift cards all of them u leave out certain parts to make u look better

Quick question. Are you going to fight like this over who THE BABY belongs to as well? This sounds like your family is going to be terribly contentious.

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You say you brought all the baby stuff all it so if he payed you back that means you didnt buy all of it you guys went halves

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Something is not right here mama … if your arguing this time…even before baby know it gets harder once you get the baby so decide wisely what and how you want to live the rest of your life with that son of a … :thinking:

Sis you have bigger problems with this man than the gift cards, whew! :sneezing_face:

Well he definitely should not be using on previous kids

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Omg hes slfish taking the cards. i would make a stand and say we can both order stuff for bub.

I would like to know why you are with him in the first place? He doesn’t sound like a good guy at all.

No. They should be yours. Is he this selfish with everything? I wouldn’t pay half the bills either.

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Shitty behavior like that doesn’t start overnight, respectfully I feel you ignored a ton of red flags with this person.

Time for a conversation, good relationships have bumps and fights along the way. It seems like he wants to be part of the buying decisions too.
Hashing this out will help Improve your relationship. Start with observations, “It seems like you want to help get things for the baby, by keeping the gift cards. I think we should buy things as we need them.” Babies need different clothes, new toys, books etc at different developmental stages, perhaps he is being a good steward over the cards, so there is money for future purchases. I don’t know you, but a lot of people over shop.

If he can’t understand what a baby gift is ment for, girl let him go. Sounds like narcissistic material in the making. He’s all about himself… I have been single ten years and have had zero drama in me and my kids life. Do what you know is right for your soul.

I think they are all to use for the baby!!! (Food card for you and him for lunch or dinners because of exhaustion)

Girl. Whatvare you?? his roommate with benefits? Get moving. Pick it up and move on. This is not love, honey. Not even close. A baby will not make him love you. He may love the baby, but as of now he loves himself more. If you pay half now, you can do it elsewhere. You have a good head on your shoulder if you’re thinking those cards will come in handy while you are home. I’m SURE that’s what the government intended. They just don’t know him that well. File for custody and child support asap. The cards are your GIANT RED FLAG. he must figure living together will be cheaper than child support. But no dear…that’s not right. You can’t raise your baby in a one sided relationship. You will never find real love as long as you waste time with that dip.Now GO.

Tell him to shove the gift cards where the sun doesn’t shine!

This is pettiness for a card…ridiculous and I would think about taking the next step with him!!!

I think he’s got it wrong. The gift was for both of you. He wouldn’t have got it if you weren’t pregnant

You picked the wrong guy to father your child. $ is a major marriage issue. Have him sign a pre-nup

DIVORCE HIM!! He sounds like a control freak ass hole, hence the “previous marriages”

The least of your worries is the cards, cut this loser loose and be more careful who you allow into your life.

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Lordy! You have your work cut out for you! Terrible! Just terrible! Please let him read about himself! Show him this post. If he’s not embarrassed, we’ll, then you have a big decision to make.