Sometimes mrn are just sperm donors. You should never be disrespected or treated as if your second best:raising_hand_woman:
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No offense but a fiance is not a wife and therefore you are not a stepmother.
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Went through this. Gtfo and run… far away. Its NEVER going to change.
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I don’t think it’s your place to discipline. It’s not your child nor step child. IMO.
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Leave. You deserve better.
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If you are not a family and never will be, according to the fiance, why waste your time trying to build something that will never happen? Move on. A guys view.
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If he’s your fiance then she is not your stepdaughter. Let him disciple her…you should discuss with him how things will work when or if you get married. If he’s planning on you taking care of her like a daughter when he’s not home, you should be allowed to discipline her in a manner agreed upon with him.
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It will get worse day by day.
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Start walking and don’t look back. No one deserves such disrespect.
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Find a man that will love you and your baby and provide you with the love and the proper discipline to your child so you grow as a family with morals and values! You deserve to be a queen not a doormat…
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Maybe you need to not act like her mom for a week then see what she thinks. Ex. Not cook, clean, wash her things. It’s so easy for people to say your not doing anything until your really not doing it.
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Dad needs to find a babysitter who he pays to watch his daughter. OR if he enjoys the privilege of having someone else raise his child that is not the biological mother, he can appreciate the role you play in her life and support your role by being YOUR PARTNER! How does he plan on raising his 2 children with 2 separate set of rules? Or is he going to undermine you with his 2nd child too? This isn’t going to work until both parents get on same page and parent together. Unless biological mom is parenting her daughter and he just needed you as a babysitter since he has her full time. Pfft.
Maybe you need to remind him that you have options also! And mean it!
Do you want him bringing up your child that way? Say bye bbye!
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How very sad. If he’s going to say the things he is saying you need to leave. It will get worse when you’re married. Not better. Run sweetheart.
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Love is not everything. Lots of people say it is, but in my opinion oh, it is not. There has to be respect also. He’s not your boss, but he thinks he is. He controls all of your family life with just that one issue oh, that you will never be a family cuz you are ONLY the step parent. That’s bullshit.
You need to have couples counselling.
I am so sorry he’s behaving like this, especially whilst you’re pregnant. You don’t need this extra stress. His comments are hurtful and plain wrong.
Step parents absolutely need to discipline children. It’s about teaching children boundaries, it actually shows that you love them. You wanting to invest your time and energy into your stepdaughter is wonderful.
Perhaps set up a rewards system, where as when she is well behaved she gets a star or point. At 20 points she gets a gift. This isn’t punishment but positive reinforcement and a way to help manage her behaviour
Get out while u can! You don’t need the hassle and stress! Especially being pregnant! Best of luck!
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Damn he wasn’t nice at all, I can see where her attitude problem comes from. Know your worth honey, you don’t have to put up with their bs
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This will not improve. I can absolutely PROMISE you that. GET. OUT. NOW before that baby comes.
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No good from start to finish. So if you’re not family then you’re a guest and you’ve over stayed your welcome. Neither one of them respect you. It will be hard but you gotta go know your worth
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Pack your stuff and leave …run don’t walk
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He is plain disrespectfuling you you are expecting.his child and you are common law together. You sit him down and you have to tell.him this behavior has to stop or you have no choice but to move on do you have family.you can stay with go I personally would not.put.up with.that good luck on your desicions
Get out… the verbal abuse that is happening now might turn into a more physical… and the mental abuse that the relationship will give you eventually is not totally worth it… how would you deal with a family that never treats you the same? Know your worth honey… the situation is about to get worse…
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Pack your stuff and leave…no need to ask for advice wen all the answers are right in front of you. His child let him deal with HIS child!
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Time to dump the fiancé. Neither of them respect you. It’s just going to get worse from here.
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i am a child that comes from a step mother … remember shes only 12 in her mind her dad belongs to her hes been with her for 12years with u hes been 2 years know that its not easy for her an him to let a stranger into there lives shes not just going to give up her father just like that … like u said u love her … being a support at this time means more to her then u think creat a bond with out running to her father with everything she does having him stressed out coz now he has to choose no creat that trust with her i promise u it off she will not only see u as a friend an mother might even be best friends allow her to feel that ur arms are never close for her try am spend time getting to know her she will open up in so many ways that u will feel wats she feeling an that tif between u an dad u will never see that again … speaking from being a stepchild an having my father re marry an when u nee bundle of joy comes u will be amazed at how help full she would be just because she trust u opend up to u an feels that ur whole hart loves her just as much as u would ur own … sorry bt the comments i have read in here are distastfull …love real love no matter step or not always wins remeber that … hope everything works out an it will …
Hi lady your best bet is to save your energy and time for your own children because this man and his daughter don’t know how to respect you and they don’t know when they have a person who is really concern about them so move on with your life or seek councelling and prayers if you truly love to be with that man and his daughter.I hope everything works out in your life on the whole you are a woman with a good heart.God is going to do something good in your life for you to be happy so keep being a good and caring person your reward is on the way be encouraged I know the feelings.God blessed you always hun.
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My daughter went through this. Met her then partner when daughter was 2 and his son was 6 months old. Raised the kids like her own but as they got older they knew how to play her and dad off each other. They are no longer together due to this plus many other reasons and his daughter is now 13 and is totally out of control. Think about how you want your baby to be raised and if you want it exposed to 2 toxic selfish people
Oh , she’s only going to get worse. You need his support firstly. Nothing will happen until you have that.
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Or get the f*** out.
Wow!!! Well he told you how he feels about you, what are you still doing there? Never let someone disrespect you like that. If he can’t be a grown as man and have a conversation about discipline how do you think life is going to be when your baby is born?
Oh no who raised him?
They don’t respect you. For people to value you and accept your contribution to the family is important. Find something to do when the daughter is home from school. He doesn’t want you to be her mother ok, don’t cook or do her laundry, don’t be available for them. If they don’t value you now they won’t when the baby is here.
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Leave and just co-parent with him.
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I also am a stepparent and it is incredibly complex the dynamic. Worst yet, is that he doesn’t see you as your own unit - and for that, it will remain that your ability to parent will be compromised and undermined every step of the way. I feel for you as I often have complicated emotions about step parenting but what I’ve come to realize is that what’s best for me and what I’ve made my family, is to put my energy where it’s worth it. I do hope you find some resolution; keeping in mind what’s best for you and certainly your step child too.
End it before you become a complete outsider! Unfortunately this situation is not healthy for you as a pregnant woman nor is it healthy for the step child. Just think how your child will feel being diciplined and not its 1/2 sister or think how you won’t be allowed to discipline your own child.
As hard as it may be, if your man wont budge then it’s time to pack up and go.
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Sorry but it will never work. Count your losses and walk.
His child is his child to discipline. I would NEVER allow anyone to discipline my child!!! EVER!!! I think you need couples counseling. Work on your marriage now because that new baby on the way needs the two of you to be a strong family unit. If you do break up, do not let another man you date discipline that baby you are carrying!!!
I dumped my husband talking shit about my first born child she was 14 and I was 4 months pregnant with his. Screw that crap. My children will always be priority. That was 27 years ago. Best thing I ever did.
Why would you choose to stay with the person who shows you no respect, clearly has no interest in disciplining his own child, gets you pregnant and then states that you are not his family???
Pack your bags and Run fast as you can. This man will never change and will blame you for every single thing and issue. Major red flag
Get the Fuck out now
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It may be hard with you being pregnant but yoy need to get out
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Here’s the question: Can you live the rest of your life with someone that said you’re not family but yet, you’re having a child with them?
It’ll be hard to leave because of the “bond” you felt and you got attached, but think of yourself and that unborn baby.
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Any man that says to you maybe I need to put you back into your place has no respect for you. You need to take the advice that people are giving you. There is a significant amount of signs that life is telling you that you shouldn’t be together. You need to get out before that baby arrives. Get out while the getting is good. You don’t need to be with somebody to raise a child to be a good and loving parent.Remember he said to you you will never be a family so what makes you think the baby that you’re caring is going to change that you need to start thinking of your child and yourself.
Maybe she needs to go with her mother and you might want to talk to God about this so called man
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My father married my mother that all ready had 2 kids … my father treated and punished the same as his own kids … and as for what he said that is some one that just wants some one around just to be around not be a partner not someone that wants a wife
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Ok you’re dealing with an abuser. Nothing about the situation is logical , and once again sounds like triangulation which is narcissistic abuse.
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Why are you with such an asshole. Get out and don’t look back. You can raise your child on your own.
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Sounds too me he’s not worth being a father step or not i would set her straight in a heart beat
Fucking men … never have a clue … totally out of touch with reality … I’m so sorry he talks to you like that … hopefully you’ll find the strength to put him and his kid in their place ! Xx
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I just want to say verbal abuse stays with you forever.
I left after 10 years.
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Pregnant or not it’s time to leave!!! Is this the type of “role model” you want for your child and is this the treatment you want to receive the rest of your life??? He is disrespecting you, and do NOT think it will ever change. I’m also sure this isn’t the first time the two of you have had this type of conversation
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Get rid of his ass he choosing his child before his woman!! Parents are to have each other back and not a one way street… sorry but if I’m doing momma duties, loving, providing and caring then that’s enough for me to be ya momma and I will put u in ya place and discipline u as need be!!
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I would be sitting down with both of them and making them see you are an equal and part of that family and will no be treated any different especially been pregnant and about to make this family grow if they do not accept this and it’s not going to change I would be leaving before Bub is born as hard and scary it maybe you do not want to bring an innocent child into something so toxic where it could learn the same things and treat you and others they way you are been treated now, good luck hope it all works out for you
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Sorry to say but its time to walk away.
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Leave this jerk now she’s a spoilt brat he needs to man up and set the kid straight
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Pack, walk and don’t look back!
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Get rid of him and her
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So many negative comments here she asked for advice wot to do x
OH HELL NO ! That would be the end of that crap !
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Get out of that relationship!
I know it’s scary but I would pack and walk!!
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If that’s how he feels I would leave why stay with someone who doesn’t respect you or really sees you as a family
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Move on now. It gets worse, it’s all your fault too.
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And that attitude never changes . Now you’re stuck with it unless you leave . Believe me I know I lived like that for close to 35 years. So glad to be Single
He’s a JackAss nothing will change.
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You deserve better, I would move on and let him deal with her bad behavior.
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You and your baby deserve a better life.
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LEAVE and raise your kids on your own this will not get betterr
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Ok i have 3 kids 2of them are my step children and 1of them is mine I never call them my step children they are my kids and they know that. That being said if they all get in trouble together they get punished together no questions asked there mother and I discussed this it’s only fair there step dad punishes them as well. You have to keep it fair I’m not saying beat them or anything like that you ground them it should stick at both houses or whatever the situation is . You as a Step Mother should make that clear to your man or you should leave the situation for yourself. Apparently he doesn’t want you to be part of the family he just wants you to be pardon the wording here but to just be a piece of ass and a live in babysitter. He doesn’t respect you so if he doesn’t get his crap together and let you be a family you should pack your crap and leave. I’m telling you this as a Dad and a real man who takes care of his kids all of them. All my kids will tell you my dad’s crazy but he always takes care of us. I would die for all my kids any day any time. My oldest is a step child and she just got married 2yrs ago and had my first Grandson a little over a month ago I talk to her everyday she will tell you that I’m her Dad and the other guy is her sperm donor. Please for your well being get out of this toxic relationship it’s hurting you and his daughter and it’s just not healthy. This coming from a Dad you should probably listen.
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Oh HELL NO!
Run. Dodge the bullet. 
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I think she knows she can push her behavier and get
Away with it also I suppose
She’s also hormonal
And artiste comes in to
Play do you want to be treated like that always I think you and you’re partner need to talk it out if nothing
Changes walk out
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Its going to be hard but get out now while things are still semi early. Don’t sign up for a lifetime of this. And if the daughter sees and hears him mentally abusing you…its only going to get worse as she gets older. And you need to think about your unborn child. Would you really want your baby to grow up in this environment?? Please take the advice of so many. Being a stepparent is hard enough but to have someone be so blatantly ignorant and rude to their significant other…Ugh!!
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You need to leave, this situation will never change it will only get worse
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When you have the baby you are expecting nothing will be different and he will undermine you at all points. You won’t be able to discipline your own child either. That’s very frustrated. The one thing I can say is walkaway he will either wake up and realize what he’s doing which isn’t likely or you will let you go which is more probable and you will be able to raise your child in structured environment with consequences for their actions and have a healthy child.
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No way… get the hell out of there. If he’s saying you’re not family then run my dear girl. If you do her washing, cook for her etc as a mum would then you have the right to set some rules and boundaries as a mum would. Obviously you will always come second to his daughter, so sorry to say if he can’t compromise then the relationship won’t last. I’ve been there, and it’s the kids that suffer most.
I would tell him that his kids need not come over. If they are going to be in your home you should be able to do long as your not being mean or harsh. To them
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Time for you to perhaps move on. He won’t ever see you as being able to discipline her and you don’t need that stress.
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It would be interesting to know what his relationship is with his daughter’s mother and why they split. That would give a lot of answers to current situation.
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As a parent myself I could understand where he is coming from but it sounds like you all could use family counseling. The way he is speaking to you isn’t right. Wish you all the best.
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You need to leave! He said you aren’t family and that’s bull crap honey! You are still a parent and mom!
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Sorry to say, leave, it will get a whole lot worse before gets better, if ever.
Yep. You need to leave. NOW. GO. RUN.
Things will only get worse
Leave If your not being respected.
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Leave him…noone should be “put back in their place” that is bullshit
this is why dating is so important and not getting pregnant until you’re compatible…kids NEVER keep people together…they are the source of differences and step kids show the real person. Sorry you need to leave.
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He sounds like an asshole.
Treat him how she treats you.
Leave he is a pig he said you are not family he doesn’t respect you and neither does his brat
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I would say “see ya!”
If she doesn’t have consequences now, she will be out of control at 16. Go to marriage counseling and have the expert tell him what you’ve been saying all along. If that doesn’t work, run cuz you’ll be raising grandchildren
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Whoa. That statement is a red flag, if ever there was one. If you’re not a family, who are you, his family’s maid? Run, don’t walk, away from this relationship.
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you are not her mom as much as you wish you were, you need to respect the boundaries put in place, it is up to her mom and dad not you. and if your offended by it love it or leave it
Yikes!!! Serious red flag!!!
You will regret the day you got involved
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I’m saying this with love because I can relate as a stepmom. Listen, I honestly feel like all the discipline should come from the birth parents. If dad is unable/and unwilling to listen to your side of it now, you will be going through this for years. He is showing you his true colors. If he acts this way, he will never last in a meaningful relationship PERIOD. you have to think about you and your child now. If this isnt fixed or you guys haven’t come to an agreement that works, your child will have to witness and go through this hurt with you. YOUR CHILD AND YOUR HAPPINESS IS PRIORITY.
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Biology does not make a parent. Sounds like your husband needs a lesson on operating as a unit. My best advice is get this straight before the new baby comes. Some counseling will help clear the way. Don’t let this be the “thing” that destroys your marriage. Whether he realizes it or not, his daughter needs you too.
Wow, that is not love. I hate to say it but it’s time to pack up and leave. I was finalizing wedding plans, got pregnant unexpectedly and was given money for an abortion! I put 1,000 miles between us. I have an amazing daughter and no idea where her sperm donor is. Our life has been complete without him, for almost 27 years.
You need to leave bc it sounds like he’ll be controlling you and possibly the baby. When you made the step of living with him, he should of considered you family not a maid, teacher, sex…etc. leave ASAP
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Nope that’s a deal breaker from his mouth. I’m so very glad to hear you love her like your own child. So many step parents do not. I would suggest family counseling so he can see that you are trying to instill life lessons in her so she is a confident, independent, respectful woman some day. You’re raising adults not babies. You’re doing a good job momma!