I would consider ending the relationship. Your not married… so you need to really think if this is the type of treatment you want for the rest of your life? I promise you it will only get worse when the baby comes.
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Uhhh I would totally leave…
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I would run from that relationship! If he dont back you 100% it will never get better! If you want to stay i would say hey we need to talk and if he refuses to back you 100% than leave!
Lol tell him she has to stay at school until he gets off work. Or an after school program.
Tell him if you cannot have her alone if he doesnt want you to dicipline her. That means you are not a parent ur just someome whos there.
I would say a real parent diciplines and a bystandard just sits there.
Pick ur choice? Are u a parent or a bystander?
U need to have control because when that baby is born that teen is going to be mean and disrepectful to the baby.
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He needs to hit the road!!
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Leave him.Or get Family counseling.The child will only get worse.
Leave, it will only get worse.
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Stop being there when she gets home, stop making meals. Show him how much you do for “non family” members. Let her do whatever she wants when he’s around and leave the situation when it becomes confrontational. These ladies are right to say run. He Sounds like one bad day away from hurting you.
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Maybe he needs to put you back in your place??? I get that you probably love this man, but why are you putting up with this? He says you aren’t family and never will be. This guy does not respect you. I’m so sorry, but there are red flags all over this.
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Run now before it’s to late. He doesn’t respect you at all.
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I mean u are not the stepmom because u not married to the dad. And it sucks he says those things now that u pregnant and not before so u could just leave in easy. I mean u can still leave or u just suck it up. U will be ending a single mom but o well as long as he gets to see his other child it should work out good.
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I’d leave his ass he sounds abusive!
Not someone id raise a family with. Thats not behavior he’ll ever change… He doesn’t respect you.
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That’s definitely a no go. If you have any responsibilities considering her than you get that right. I’d get out now. It’s just going to get worse once he thinks he owns you.
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Leave now it will only get worse the older she gets put him in his place away from you
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I’m a stepmom and if your gonna marry him and take on that role she is your child. You have just as much right to help raise her as her dad, and if he can’t see that he isn’t gonna do anything with the new baby either.
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Leave dont stay where your’re not appreciated , he’ll see what he has lost when its too late !!! Good luck run, run, run!!!
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Leave, this is not a relationship. It will only get worse. He is definitely not a good guy.
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Leave him be and find someone make you happy
Major red flags here 
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She needs disipline! But if u cant do it and he wont, shes lost. Take yourself out of their lives go somewhere an have thr new baby. U dont deserve that kind of treatment from them
Screw him and his spawn of satan! Go, as fast as you can, it will not get any better!!!
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Leave, it will only get worse
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What does he mean when he says he should put you back in your place think twice!
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This man is ignorant and disrespectful! Please dont stay. This will only get worse, i promise you.
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He doesnt love u or respects u he is just using u to take care of his child.
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Girl…bye! He sounds like an ass! Its only gonna get worse!
Step child or not. You have a right to discipline her under your roof. I mean you dont have to spank her. Corners and time out work pretty well. Or taking away electronics. I understand how difficult it is being a step mom. (I am a step mom to my SO almost 7 year old) but he trusts that if i discipline her its because its NEEDED. Not because I’m the “evil step mother”. If he has no intentions of allowing you to parent “his child” then why would he make one with you? Rules, structure, and consequences are what make a productive successful person. If you dont establish those things how does he expect his daughter to be a decent human being when she gets older? Maybe y’all need to go to a counselor so he can have someone else explain the importance of BOTH of you instilling manners on said child.
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I’d step out of the equation. No cooking, no cleaning, no nothing! For anyone but yourself! Show him YOUR place and what it would be like without you there!
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That shows he does not love you as a family I would leave in be with somebody who’s loves me an wants a family sorry your going throw that
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As a stepparent you and your husband need to sit down and agree that both parents will discipline if not then he himself needs to take care of that child by himself
Being a step parent is the worst
Wow. Leave him. F that
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I’m definitely in favor of your leaving, here’s why:
If he does not respect your effort in helping him raise a child that is not yours- what DOES he respect you for? Any sane, decent being would be appreciative of someone making the choice to love their child, not create barriers. Especially when you are pregnant with his baby, which does connect all of you in very deep, profound ways. Actively excluding you, minimizing you and what you do for him and his daughter is absolutely abuse. There are boundaries as a step parent, yes. But, if you have her full time then those are lessened. There isn’t another parent to have to answer to or another way of living to be mindful of outside of your home. For him to state you all will never be family… where does he place the value of his child on the way? You are carrying his baby, how is there no unity in that? His daughter will resent you simply because he does not actively show you that you are worthy of her time, presence, life. How will she form respect when he disrespects you in such big ways?
This is honestly very concerning and you need to consider the fact that this can and likely will get worse. Alienating you is means for control/power and you deserve better.
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But also consider that maybe with your pregnancy emotions maybe you had a very bad tone of voice or came across as condescending or basically maybe you played your role and provoked him…totally not blaming you. Just reminding you that 95% of communication is non verbal and maybe he felt attacked so attacked you back. If he is not normally this awful I would consider giving it another shot and talking to him about it again
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I’m sorry to say but I agree with previous posters. I would seriously think about ending this relationship. If you are living together as a unit and you are treating her like you would your own then I would say you are family. He clearly doesn’t think so, so you have to ask yourself what are you to him? X
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Huge red flag noo nooo
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Well it looks like you need to find a new fiancé! I absolutely expect my children to treat their stepmom as a member of the family and as long as she treats them respectfully and kindly (which she does) they are to respect her. She can also hand down a reasonable punishment. It’s your house too, and it looks like your fiancé doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry!
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Discipline is showing that you love a child enough to show them the difference. What a hurtful thing for him to have said to you. I would wait and bring it up again when everyone’s jets have cooled off. You guys are definitely a family you can work through this together. My children have a stepmom, step dad and step siblings. It can be tough, all kinds of things go on in a blended family. We have had our fair share of problems, the only way to get through it is by talking it out. Everyone messes up sometimes, saying or doing hurtful things. But if he doesn’t want to have open discussion with his daughter and you… find solutions, compromise… living like that will break you.
The comment about not being a family and never will be and putting you in your place are huge red flags!
Run like hell girl!
Run now before the new baby arrives and definitely do not marry his sorry ass.
You need to think of the best interest of not only yourself but of your unborn child as well.
All I can tell you is you and your husband need to sit down and talk these things over nobody can tell you what to do on Facebook that is going to be your decision because they do not know your situation regardless of what you say he’s going to feel that way because he’s the breadwinner of the house so tried to sit down and talk to him and then take it from there good luck
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Pack your bags and leave. No respect from him means miserable life for you.
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I feel for you been through it.i can’t advise you I made my mistakes. Only you can m a key this decision. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you prepared to live this situation. More important.your child what is it they deserve. Remember they will notice what’s happening. Not at first but will happen you will have to deal with him reat of your life .stay or not your child first then you .there’s also other child.can you live with the disrespect. Prayer and hope for your best.
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If he’s telling you that you’re not family why would you marry him…I’ll leave and y’all just take care of the child you are carrying as co parents bc it’s not gonna get better
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Leave him, it will only get worse! He said it himself, you all will never be a family. Find yourself a real man who loves and respects you, and wants a family with you. You and your baby both deserve better!
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That is almost as bad as if a grandmother is raising kids are taking care of kids where she can’t tell them what to do with the moms around or the dad
Piss on that! Put you back in your place? Evidently you aren’t all that important!!
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That can totally be a losing battle I went through it and we never agreed on me disciplining the children…we aren’t together anymore for all types of reasons…but I expressed myself to him after our breakup how that was 1 of the strains on our relationship he seemed to understand but doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t handled appropriately when we were together. That’s a hard 1 I know, you need to think long and hard and have a serious conversation about it. Good luck!! Btw i had 3 children with him and its even harder once u have your own kids with him and you discipline your child and not the other.
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If you have her full time she is not your step daughter she is your child too you help raise her if you feed her clothe her love her and advise her she is your child as well if you cant give her punishment then I wouldnt do those things
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Maybe family counseling can help him and you get on the same page in combining the two families into one. I can’t imagine so much change is easy on any of you and with a baby on the way counseling may help individually and as family. Prayers for you and your family.
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Yeah hed be out on his ass… With his heading for trouble kid.
Find someone else sweety you are fighting a loosing battle…if he wont do anything now what happens when the baby is born?
Oh hell no, honey, she’s not the problem, he is, GTFO and hit him up for child support.
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Leave NOW!!! This is a completely unhealthy environment!
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If you believe that he will make good on that threat, you need to leave. Unless your idea of discipline is to in some way abuse his daughter, there’s no reason this isn’t something you and he should be on the same side about. Please consider counseling. There’s a lot of people just telling you to leave, but this could be something that a therapist could help both of you (or all 3!) with.
Huge red flag this isn’t healthy.
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Oh hell no. If you are her step mom you are her family and he should support you when you attempt to discipline her. Now I’m not saying whippings but any child has to learn how to behave.
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I’d be packing my bags, you don’t need that.
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You’d better put your foot down and find some peace with some decisions you will have to make, some of which might not be what you want… best wishes!!
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I went thru something similar, except it was hubbys family telling me I wasn’t blood, so it wasn’t my business even tho the 2 boys lived at my house and we were married. It’s Caused allot of stress and trauma for us and the kids over the years. We are now pretty estranged from most the family because of all this. It was mean and unnessesary for all this chaos. If hubby had acted this way I would have left, no doubt!!
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If You can’t discipline her, I wouldn’t cook, clean or do anything for her, or your boyfriend. She gets sick, let him take care of her. After all she’s not your child. Teach him a lesson. No hot meals, he’ll soon appreciate what you were doing for him.
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She’s not ur child. Only the bio parent should discipline their child. I would kill someone if they tried to discipline my child. That is my job not anyone else’s u are just the step parent nothing else
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You know what you do say fine we are not family and pack your stuff and say dont call me when this childs born we are not family and the baby will be getting raised better by the step daddy . Then leave his dumbass wondering what the hell he did wrong
Why are you with this guy? That’s not love period. He has no respect for you or love for you. Why do you settle for less or compromise yourself for less than perfect. There are men that treat women right and there are men that love women correctly. That’s the kind of man you should be with especially if your pregnant with his child. If you continue to stay in abusive relationship especially an emotional one you’re only putting yourself and your newborn child at risk of accepting abuse and accepting anything less than he or she ever deserve. Your baby isn’t even born yet, yet you put your child at risk with a man that doesn’t even love you. Sweetie, that’s not love. As hard as it may be you have to leave that kind of relationship, do it for your baby.
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I’m sorry he is doing this to U, if that was me and he said something like that I would be like fine I love u and ur daughter but if I can’t say anything to her that needs to be said u be home when she gets home from school and run her around cook and clean after her but I’m only a stepmom I don’t need to do that. But run away if he can treat u like this now just wait until ur baby is here, he sound like a real f head.
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From a woman who married a man with 2 children prior please understand it will not just resolve itself. There is a total lack of respect going on. If he doesn’t respect you, neither will she … ever. If he doesn’t respect you now, he never will. Remember your worth and you do not need to go out of your way to prove it. He either see and values it or he doesn’t. I pray for everyone something gives. I fear it will get way worse once your baby comes. Hard words to hear I know but at some point you’ll need to decide is this the best environment for you and for your child.
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This is when you pick his s%*# and kick him out. If you’re not a family and never will be, you will be living a life of misery for the rest of your life. Do it now before there are any more kids to bring into. I understand you are pregnant, but having kids that are attached to their Dad sometimes makes the leaving harder. Good luck, sweet girl.
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Tell him see your ass in court for child support bye b!+(#.
You picked the wrong guy. Don’t marry him.
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Wow. I’m sorry but if those words came out of his mouth to me id be packing my bags. Dont ever let a man talk to you like that. If it’s not a team effort then there’s nothing. My husband isn’t my daughter’s biological dad. But he disciplines my girls. Those are hid kids too. Even my oldest’s dad lets him discipline her. My two youngest father isnt allowed 500ft near us. To my two youngest my husband is their daddy. My husband and I are a team. Never would I disrepect my husband like that ever in front of my kids.
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Get ready for the eest of your life with him, because this behavior will only get worse after you marry, it will not change, if you’re ok with it, then marry him but you know what you are getting yourself into, so …
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Been in your shoes and it SUCKS! My husband and I have stayed married and my stepson has caused more problems than I’d like to say bc of this very reason and I would NEVER do it again! He’s 20 and has been out of the house since he graduated and things have been great but recently he’s needed guidance which we gave along with a lot of money to do so all for it to not be good enough and want more - it’s a battle with the spouse anytime it’s discussed even though we agree on what to do it’s still his “baby boy” and he continues to want to give him more - good luck to you!
It depends on how you would enforce discipline… it’s only for teaching not to use in anger or power struggle… except that a child will act as a child and have the patience to always remind, not enforce. The dad is a whole other issue. Respect seems like the topic that needs to be brought to attention. I’d use the walls of the house for quotes and the fridge for friendly reminders.
If you can’t discipline don’t feed her or do anything for her have it be his responsibility. Show him that if you can’t parent all the way then home at all. He needs to back you up, especially if he’s at work and something comes up. Show him how ridiculous he is.
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I think he needs to learn some respect for you before he can ever think about teaching her!
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Wooooooow my husband is not my daughters’ biological father but he is their daddy we are a family!!! He can discipline them as often as I do
Your fiancé doesn’t respect you. At all.
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He was definitely rude about it but it’s not the step parents place to discipline. If there’s an issue you can advise your partner on how they could handle it but that’s about it. I would be more concerned with how mean he was to you.
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Do exactly as he said. “You aren’t a family” so leave. Screw that. He’s a jerk!
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He’s a dick !! Fuck him I would stand your ground pregnant or not men think because we are pregnant we can not stand up for ourselves and that we now almost belong to them and must do what they say guess what here is a new flash that doesn’t happen tile you have that baby !! That’s when you need him the most and his neglect will effect you the most ! So you have two choices either tolerate this behavior towards you which will get worse I promise you on everything I know and the pattern will not stop it might get better for day or an hour but it will not stop and he has no consequence either just like his daughter so why should he change his ways I would straight up leave find somewhere to stay but try to talk to him first don’t tell him your leaving that never ends good and if he doesn’t move his stance and continue to treat you like a house bitch I would leave and you should probably go threw that losers phone ! Then go stay somewhere you can catch your breath member what you want who you are and what makes you feel happy and safe !! Key point here if you don’t feel safe of comfortable where you go this will not work you will fall for anything he says plus you do have hormones which make things difficult but I’ve done it and I know other women before have to ! Before you leave write down everything that’s bothering you everything and everything you love on the other side about your current life style don’t leave anything out once gone even for a week look at that sheet before you go back and remember what drove you to needing a change !! Make sure he sticks to what he says when he promises to change they all say they will change but once back they don’t don’t let this slide that or it’s all for not !! Best of luck don’t wait tile that’s baby is born to do something or your going to be in living hell with children and a pig of a man running you into the ground while still trying to care for two other children who did not do anything wrong to be in this situation! You need Coucling with him to help with co parenting and raising a child that has a different mother he obviously needs a natural party to reinforce healthy discipline for his child !!
The sad part of this entire view is if he don’t see you guys as a family, he never will. I have two step daughters, to there father and them I am there other mother. I respect them and they respect me I discipline them and treat them like my own. With that said there is no respect in your family if he don’t respect you enough to consider you family. This is a boundrie that should of been discussed far long ago before getting pregnant and becoming his fiance if you don’t sit down and figure it out together and become a team This relationship will never work.
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If the guy don’t show respect to you-kids will never respect you to0… Even it will be your own kids.
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There is no point marrying a person if he already wont allow you a say in raising what would become your stepdaughter now or treats you like this too! It wont improve.
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Tell him since your not a family that he can find a babysitter for her cause your not her mom …bull shit I couldnt with that…
Leave now. It won’t get any better only worse.
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Get a plan and get the fuck out of there before that baby comes.
I’d get out of there as fast as I could.
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Give him an ultimatum we either start correcting her or I’m gone
Yikes! That’s not ok. I wish that I had advice. It’s a complicated situation obviously. His choice of words were very rude and out of line! I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Hugs to you!
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Hes not trying to be the bad parent… he wants her to look at u as u are… pack ur shit an leave… I know its harder than it sounds but… I would cut my lost an move back home… cause it’s not going to get better … if u bring it to his att5 an hes still doing it… then yeah I would leave no matter how hard it is… its gets worse when she disrespect u…
Get the hell outta there sister
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That is the complications of step children I say take your fiance to a motel away from the situation and write a note about how much u love them what they meant to u then and now what u think u should do about the problem be loving and firm sometimes romance is the spark to put things back in place make your fiance know what you need for this baby and how u expect the United front act to solve problem in your family God bless good luck
Leave, it will probably never better, your child will suffer because of it too
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Oh he’ll no I’d leave his ass
I would say RUN…
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Everyone wants to quite when thing don’t go according to fairytale… Listen, relationship doesn’t alway go as planned and if you give up the first time something goes wrong then you’ll always be alone. His disrespectful word is somthing to talk about and you should ask him if you could make a rule chart with consequences for those rules on it. See if he is open to the child going to counseling or even having family night where you talk about the things bothering you… Just don’t drop everything…
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Yeah fuck that. That’s a lost cause right there.
It does matter because shes been there for that child and I understand no spa king but discipline yes definitely…mother or not u have the right …seems like he only has u there to care for her …me myself I would of went off on him right there and then …that’s hard good luck with that nonsense of a hubby
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He will never respect you or your child. His daughter will always come first. Leave now while you can and plan a new life for you and your child. It will only get worse and she will resent your child.
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My husband is my kids step father but my kids and I see him as there dad because he is helping me raise them. He desciplinies them just like I do. And also I have had a step-mom and step-dad and they both disciplined me. I totally believe in the step parents discipline because the blood parent is not always there and there just as much as a parent blood or not. I would walk away.
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