He’s plainly told you how he feels about you. What more do you need? If you’re not family than why are you taking care of his kid? He needs to be there when she gets home from school. He can’t have it both ways. And maybe he needs to put you in your place? Really? When someone shows you who they really are you better believe them. He’s shown you, so believe him.
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Wow. Smh leVe while u still can. If ur step daughter keeps disrespecting u. Your child will think it’s okay.
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Imagine how it’ll be with your baby in the picture! Do you want to put up with that stress?
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Boot in the ass and out the door … It will only get worse. I promise.
I would leave it’s always going to be like that.
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You need to leave. He does not respect you and does not teach his daughter to. He tells you that you are family. Then what are you, maid? RUN!!!
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Not going to change so time to move on !
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I would leave its not gonna get better, I have 4 kids of my own and I have a boyfriend who I honestly consider part of my family and a father figure to my children , he has my full support in disciplining “our children” as he sees fit.
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Wwwwwoooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! 
points to him for being a total ass. I would NEVER stay with a man who doesn’t see us as a FAMILY, yes you aren’t her mother by blood but you love her as your own, and he just wants to be her best friend. Theres a line for parents to act like everything is fine and let their kids get away with murder. I’d leave especially if he doesn’t see you as a part of his “pack” if that makes sense. Alpha male with a stick so far up his ass, good LORD! BYYYEEEE
Fuck that asshole! Sorry i would have shown him my place by packing a damn bag, put my middle finger up in the air and walking out the door. Let him figure out what to do with his daughter without your help. You should never put up with somebody talking to you that way fiance or not.
run while you still can
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There are 2 issues here:
- He doesn’t hold his child accountable. Maybe he feels sorry for her because she doesn’t have her mom? He doesn’t believe children should be held accountable for anything? Or both and more. Either way he’s not a good parent and you will have parenting issues with your next child and the fighting will continue. Good Luck!
- You aren’t the biological parent, in her eyes and his, you never will be. Remove yourself from want ting to parent a child who isn’t yours. It’s hard, I know I am a step mom too and mine is all grown up and my husband didn’t agree with how we should parent so I took a step back.
Don’t take his defensive attitude personal, it’s his issue, not yours. If he’s good to you aside from this issue you have control over this. If he’s a jerk on general the leave him before you have more kids and it ends badly for more than one child.
Him saying you aren’t a family and you need putting in your place is disgusting get out now … hugs 
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Get out now. Run very fast this child will get worse and so will he
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Leave, the man I was going to marry before my husband his daughter is still my child too. We aren’t a normal “family” no but he has never said that and she was only going to be my stepdaughter, her daddy and I are just much better friends and he was best friends with my daddy. But no one should have to take disrespect in there home
He has issues. Not sure how you didnt see this red flag.
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Also him saying he well put you in your place it’s like he’s saying he’s gonna put hands on you hun leave him
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hes just an asshole like his daughter… leave with your baby…
Personally, I feel like, until I’m married, that’s just my bf’s or fiancés kid.
When I am married, she or he becomes my step-child. And only then, I’ll be able to discipline.
Until then, no physical punishment. I can only do time-outs.
You need to sit down and have this conversation with him without arguing. Explain to him that you stepped up and are hurt by what he said and if he doesn’t consider you family to his child then you need to leave because him showing you disrespect is also teaching her the same disrespect and neither of them will care about what you do or say since THEY are on the same team and apparently don’t want you on it. So sad. Hang in there and I hope it gets better for all of you!!
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Time to walk away. I’m sure it’s good at times but this situation will not get better. It’s time to move on
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I had problems w/step child when my husband and I first got together. I was treated like I was the cause of their parents divorce (I wasnt). We went to some counseling but it was mainly me explaining to him that when you are married your spouse must come first and you decide together about discipline, money, etc. Dont discuss or argue about it in front of the child. If one adult says something the other needs to back them up. (Unless it is abuse) Even if you dont totally agree but discuss it in private and make suggestions on how it could be handled better the next time. You are suppose to be a team. You might put it to him like: “I want to be on the same page as you so if she does such and such how should I handle it. Children need discipline and I want what is best for her”. He needs to be on your team, if not you need to separate. Best of luck to you.
If you’re not on the same page with discipline she will sense that and continue to run all over you both. If he doesn’t consider you all family and work as a unit. Then I’d have a long hard discussion with him about how this won’t work. If he doesn’t change, I’d leave. Never would my fiance ever come out of his mouth saying he needs to put me in my place. It’s clear this man does not respect you or your feelings.
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Oh hell no!!! As long as you’re doing it with genuine love and concern he needs to let his balls drop and be a man and understand that you’re trying to teach her and show her… Its easier to let it go. He should be thankful you care enough to want to correct her
We don’t have to wonder where the step daughter learned to disrespect people. Not a family but you’re carrying his child? I agree that he can’t have it both ways, either she’s treated like your daughter or not. You need to communicate where you stand and how you’re going to discipline your childREN. Like if you want to “discipline” in a way that’s too harsh he might have his back up and I don’t have any context. But this needs to be addressed for sure.
This is why marriage should come before another life.
Smh. Hes a whole asshole
Dump him! Baby on the way or not
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Uh… you are her stepMOM! That means you mother her just like your own children. She is a child that the both of you share and he needs to realize this. Discussing discipline with him for her is important but it would be the same for any other children y’all have. Teachers and authorities aren’t family, much less your child’s parent and they still have to uphold disciplinary actions when behavior needs correcting. If he’s your fiancé then he needs to realize y’all are family and you are a mother figure for her and that includes all the love, support and disciplinary actions that he or her birth mother should be enforcing as well. It takes a village to raise a child and you are part of her village that’s trying to raise her into a respectable adult. If he doesn’t back you in this then some discussion about your future together should be held.
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If hes telling you things like how hes going to put you in your place and you aren’t a family…when you’re working your ass off to be a family and you’re pregnant with his kid…ah fuck no.
That girl will never see you as “mom” and that’s fine, and you dont need to be able to physically “punish” her, but if shes acting up and being disrespectful and he doesnt even want to talk to her about how that’s not okay or let you talk to her, he doesnt respect whether or not you feel respected at all and that’s a red flag too.
Maybe move on honey… I have 5 step children, I treat them all the same as my own son… My fiance encourages it… You two are getting married and having a child together, he needs to be on the same page as you or you need to walk away
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Oh hell no. My house my rules. If that ain’t your place I’d get one of my own. Remind him since y’all ain’t a family you’re going to start to build your own with your baby and yourself. You don’t allow nobody to disrespect you. Especially a child. Put HIM back in his place.
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Put you back in your place? Yeah I’d be gone at that point.
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Sounds like you need to find you another man.
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Omg my shit would be packed you are at the back of the line or on the back burner you are a full time babysitter teacher house keeper maid you are not his love or her mom. So sad I wish you happiness it pisses me off to hear a man say learn your place at the back of the line alone I think you will make a wonderful mom don’t let him take your blessings be good to your self an your baby clearly he will find his mistake one day 
I have 2 stepdaughters been with my man for 2 years also. And he let’s me treat them as my very own, discipline included. This man obviously doesnt see you in the same place that you see yourself in, in his life. Leave while you can!
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If he told you that you will NEVER be a family because you are only the step mom BELIEVE HIM. this Will not change. Pack your stuff and leave. Put you in your place? Allow his child to be disrespectful? How is it that you can care for her, take care of her, clothe her, feed her, and do all those motherly things but not have any authority? It’s NOT ok. I understand you’re pregnant and this must be scary but you need to leave.
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Kick him in the ass. Tell him you thought you were family and you are not going to tolerate her abuse and her disobedience and his threat to you tell him he lays hand on you once he’s OUT.
Oh no.no no no no NO. You need to slap the taste out of his mouth. Im sure he expects you to wash her clothes, make her food, fix her plate, take care of her and clean up after her. So id tell him, you want to play that game? You stay here with YOUR daughter, and ill leave with MY child and you can have YOUR family that im not a part of, and never will be. That was beyond uncalled for and he needs go. You deserve better than that.
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wow he sounds like a child threatening to put you in your place?? Telling you his family isnt your own after asking for your hand in marriage. No no no. You don’t get free reign to discipline her because you are a household who should work together towards solutions- you sre right children need discipline but it isnt your place to be the main disciplinarian ( i mean thay as you shouldn’t have to be the only one making and enforcing rules/the bad guy) im sorry this is your situation but he sounds toxic… if you want better for that child in your womb you may want to consider doing a more solo act… nit obviously keeping him from his child but distancing yourself and establishing your own household where you can have control.
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He JUST told you you aren’t a family. What are you questioning? You may love him but he clearly doesn’t love you. He just wants you there to cook, clean and for sex nothing more.
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He’s disrespectful. You guys are a family and if he’s threatening to put you back into your place you need to leave. He is not ur dictator. You guys are in a commitment and if he cant handle that then you need to leave before it becomes anymore toxic and he takes over the new baby as well. Im sorry girl 
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Yikes he sounds super not supportive. I’d really think hard if this is someone you really want to spend your life with
A comment like that, one way or another I’d put my ass in my own place. No way, no shape, no how! I will be alone before I live that BS ever again!!! Good luck!!
But please keep in mind, if he’s acting like this before you are married just imagine how things will be if you do marry him!!!
Oh fuck that dude for real. Put me in my place? He can fuck his hand from now on for real for real
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Get the fuck out of there!!!
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Get couples therapy. There are many issues which cannot be solved here.
Honey, hate to say this…
Go.
Leave.
Now.
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May I suggest Family Counseling?
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How can that you are not the family?in my family , there is no step dad, my husband is the father of my 2 daughters ( the 2 of them are from my first married) and he has the same right as me . So you better leave if he MAKES sure that you are not IN THE FAMILY
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This is so sad. I can’t believe he said that to you. I would start doing some thinking about how you want to live. If you can honestly just live like that. Not a family? Thats heartbreaking. I would have a serious talk with him.
He is her parent and you are the other adults in her life. Everyone deserves respect but, you are not her mother. Shame on him, he should be disciplining her and teaching her respect.
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Ummmm no. I went through that (not necessarily to that extent) but I think all step parents do, that’s why it’s the toughest job ever!
BUT as long as you continue to love her & not exclude her but treat & love her as your own you sometimes also have to discipline.
My now husband (married 9years) did something like that in beginning & it was necessary, but I also included her in everything, tucked her in, hugs/kisses, everything but we (well HE) argued that it’s not my job to discipline “HIS” daughter so I finally told him then we didn’t need to get married if he’s THAT concerned.
But I do understand his point, it’s probably difficult on the bio parent, being put in that position but I know if it was me & it was that difficult, I wouldn’t get married.
Your pregnant with his kid? Your a family. He needs to get the older child on the right path or risk the newborn following the daughters behavior. If he’s not willing to let you help in supporting her grow, you may need to leave the situation.
He stated his position. Now state yours. He doesn’t deserve you or your baby. Leave the pair of them to their comingled guilt, teen hormones, emotional blackmail, etc, and walk.
Your a diamond !
He does not see how amazing your are…
Put him in his place because if my man said something like that to me he’d regret it big time omg. Leave his ass NOW!
Dont get married without fixing this mess first
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I would take this as a big red flag hun maybe have to put you back in your place who does he think he his, you are suppose to be a family a team and him treating you like this will make her think she can do the same, he is also teaching his daughter it’s ok for a man to treat a lady as he pleased not good hun talk to him if he dont listen get you and your baby out of there before they are born good luck xx
No, he is not only allowing her to be disrespectful to you, he is also teaching her it’s okay by the way he treats you. If he is open to family therapy, then leave before you get married. He clearly wants someone to just be a housekeeper and sidepiece. You deserve better, and so does your child.
Yea, he needs to be told off straight up. I’ll just keep quiet and ignore her, be observant, if possible. If he wants her to grow up that way, that’s his issue. Then he’ll know you were trying, at least. You can’t get blamed for her actions, you aren’t the main parent, right?
Wow your having that girls future sibling and mother her! Id call that a family. I would doubt marrying him
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oh hell no couldnt be me prayers to you 
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Get the fuck out! It won’t get any better when you get married
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he’s not my kids biological dad. I use to have a hard time disciplining (on the same level that he would like to) and we sat down and talked about it. It seems your fiancé is trying to be protective of his daughter like I have been before but the way he is talking to you is NOT okay. It’s also not going to be fair when you have your baby and you use authority over them and not your step child. I would tell him that you ARE a family and if he doesn’t see it that way then maybe you need to leave and let him reevaluate things. If he’s insisting on raising his daughter alone then let him. It took me awhile to adjust to my boyfriend being an authority figure to my kids. But now we are a family. My kids respect his authority now and love him like he’s their father. Your fiancé is at fault here you have to be a team.
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Whoa. Red flags all over the place! This needs to be discussed immediately. And you need to lay it all out on there table for him. How the hell are you supposed to have his child and be told that you will never be part of his family? That is absolutely INSANE. You need to find out if he was just angry and in the moment or IF he actually meant that. Stand up for yourself. You don’t need to be there. What you DO need and DESERVE!!! EMPHASIS ON DESERVE, is to be loved, included and APPRECIATED! YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN someone you’ve spent the last few years of your life fitting into his, who keeps every aspect of their life separate from you. You’re there and in the thick of it every day, doing the work. There is no room here for him to pick and choose which part is yours and which part is only his. It’s all our nothing. All in or all out. Speak up, mama! And dont settle. Be prepared to walk away if he doesn’t recognize what you bring to the table. You deserve someone who does that and is grateful for it. 
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You’re not her parent so no if he says no that means no!!!
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It’s not easy to leave if you invested energy. It’s takes time but if the feelings are Mutual, then there’s q different. Y’all need to breath and talk it out
I have a stepson and my husband is 100% fine with me disciplining my son when it is needed. Also My husband has never spoken to me like the way your fiancé has- we are a team!.. Is your fiancé truly the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who says you’re not family? I don’t cheer for people to give up easily in relationships, but hun, this is a clear sign of not continuing on (before marriage). Do co-parenting with your new baby and continue on with life 
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This will never work. I am also a step mom of 2 boys (12&15) full time custody. I have a daughter of my own. Everyone has the same rules and the same consequences. That man needs to realize that you’re a mother figure to his daughter. And even tho you can’t take the place of her mother, she still has to respect you as a parent. If he can’t sit his daughter down and tell her that y’all are a family and need to behave as such, it’ll just never work. It’s tough but everyone needs to be on the same page. You can’t be a blended family if you’re fiance doesn’t see your entire family as a family. I’d put my foot down and if he still doesn’t make a change, I’d leave. Baby or no baby. It’s not worth the stress and turmoil.
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Wow that is awful for him to say to you.
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Uhhhh… if you have her full time, you may not have given birth to her but you are her mom… step or not. She lives with you, take advice from you, loves you and needs you that makes you a mom. I would be having a serious talk with your guy because this relationship will not work unless you are able to have some control. I had 4 kids when i got married to my husband now and together we have 3… i finally had to step back and let him be a parent to all of our kids… not just the 3. It would have never worked if i didnt… he needs to back down a little and allow you to become the family that you already are… prayers girl
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That or tell him if that’s really the way he feels then he needs to hire a babysitter to take care of his daughter when he’s not home. Since it’s not “your place” to do so.
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Maybe you should leave as quickly as you can
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Run run run away now…
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Leave him now. It won’t get ANY Better only worse
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That’s messed up how he said that y’all aren’t a family I’m sorry but u marry someone with a kid that’s your kid too yes your step I get it he said don’t worry about discipline so don’t but still treat her with love and what not but he needs to be a dad to her and show her she needs to respect you regardless…what he said to u shows where she gets her disrespectfulness from shame on him don’t marry him til this gets fix
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I would get out of this right away before your baby is born. It won’t be fair that your child won’t be allowed to act like this spoiled brat that he is raising. He is not doing his daughter any justice to let her act like this and be disrespectful. He is not preparing his daughter for life. So sad for the daughter.
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Put his ass to the curb…
Does anyone ever try to fix their problems/relationship or just leave them? Good grief.
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Leave him. He’s a misogynistic pos
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Well you and your fiance should discuss discipline and set boundaries for her if she is living with you full time and has no respect for you as a adult in the house somethings gotta be done it is your house also and and bottom line is if he’s not gonna do the discipline then I would just tell him your gonna and as long as there is no name calling or hitting I don’t see the problem.
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Oh hellll no. I’m not a step parent but in no way is this okay. Now, if y’all were new then yeah it’s not your place BUT if you’re married and have her full time(seems you’re a sahm and he works?) Then yes you need to be able to discipline her especially when he’s not around! That is not an okay mindset. I think counseling would be a good step for your relationship with your husband and together as a family. I’ve been with SO for almost 3 yrs and he is just now warming up to being a stepparent(no good parental role models for him so it does make him nervous) but my daughter’s father has a stable, well rounded girlfriend and if he wasn’t around I’d expect her to discipline our daughter if she was acting up. However, if counseling doesn’t work then I would seriously consider terminating the relationship, if he doesn’t look at you like family then this relationship with him and his daughter isn’t going to work.
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Wow ! Walk away… dont look back and u r in for a scary ride if u think u will get him to be apart of a family… isnt going to happen… I counseled domestic violence for years and he is a first hand case of control freak… u deserve better and so does that baby u r carrying… good luck sweetie u need it
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You should definitely find a new fiance because he doesn’t see you as a spouse, mother and probably not even as a person. Can you handle being treated like that for the rest of your life.
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I would be hurt too, but your pregnancy emotions could be making you feel that way. Until, you’re married then you’re not actually a family and if he told you that then I would question him about the marriage of y’all ain’t family or never will be.
You NEED to get you and that baby of yours out of the situation mama
If he said that to me, he wouldn’t be my fiance anymore. 2 year relationship and pregnant with his child or not I would never allow ANYONE, not just a man, talk down to me like that and neither should you. You need to get out that door and fast. If he’s saying these things to you now, imagine the hell you’re going to go through once you’re married. He’s not going to allow you to get a job, he will control all the finances and you won’t get a penny of it, he won’t allow you to have friends or family and you’ll need to tell him where you are at all times. Next he’ll start accusing you of cheating because he’s gonna cheat and have a guilty conscience. This is what you’re in for if you marry this pig.
One day around the age of 14yrs old he will wish that he disciplined his child.I’ve been a step mom.They are grown now.I have beautiful grandkids that are my world although we are now divorced.Im still Mimi too my step grandbaby. If you think it’s bad at 12 yrs old,14yrs old is when they all try you both. I would take my baby and walk away. It will get so much worse for you and the baby if he don’t support your decisions…Disrespect is what he’s teaching.Hes in for a rude awakening…
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LEAVE HIS ASS Asap he doesnt respect you nor will he. I would leave before vaby is born. That 12yr old might do something to harm baby and dad seems like hes abusive and can become physical with you cut your losses
Wow my husband is my oldest daughters stepdad but he helps me raise her and takes care of her. If she needs something he don’t hesitate to get it. She asks him for things before her real dad because she knows her dad won’t do it. She’s 16 and he’s made sure she had the truck she wanted and when it just got to be too much to repair he signed for her to get a newer car, which she is paying for and always has a job. She gets frustrated when he tries to be a parent to her because she and I were on our own for a loooong time and I have been her only parent basically. I deal with most things still on my own but he’s a big part of her life now so yea he has a say so of big important things.
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What would I do, I would leave right away and please don’t let him know where you will be, you really don’t want your child being raised that way and if he is the father to your child then he is going to raise this child just like his daughter and you don’t want that, if I were you I really would RUN as fast as you can and please don’t let him know where you are, people like him they rarely change I really don’t think he is going to change so your best bet is to leave and don’t let him know where you are going…for you and your babies protection…good luck… I’m praying for you…
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He’s not over that kids mom. Get out
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My stepmother treats me as her own and disciplined me like her own. She never hit me but she would talk to my dad and work out a punishment for my actions. I was there only for the summer and every other weekend. If he doesnt consider her as your family than that is his mistake. She needs disciplined if she is disrespectful. You need to talk to him and decide what is best. If he willing to say he will put you in line and tries to hit you, please do yourself and your baby a favor and leave. My friend was in a abusive relationship and she got out in time. Please dont wait until it is too late. Just because you have a child with him doesnt mean you have to stay. Sometimes it is better if the parents are not together.
Get out before it is too late.
As a mother who did everything on my own for many years I met my spouse
He is my kids step dad
It’s been a hard rd for both of us
I’ve had to make a lot of choices that I’ve never had to do before
Some of us have a hard time sharing the responsibility when it’s been up to them for so long
Myself I would sit down and speak about it together
Girl if he said that to you that’s a definite red flag. You are suppose to be a blending family. An if you are trying to correct her so she doesn’t make anymore future mistakes and he throws that shit in your face then its time to move on. You are suppose to be a bonus mom. An if you guys can’t do this as a family then there was no family to begin with.
I just left my boyfriend of 2 years due to his 18 year old daughter who he treats more like a wife than anything. She has ZERO consequences, is disrespectful doesn’t pay for anything and is spoiled and basically is entitled and she knows it. He is also a narcissist, control freak with ZERO feeling towards anyone but his daughter. He’s a shallow self centered ass as well. There’s a reason why his marriage didn’t woek prior to me with neither of them putting eachother first and disaplening the kids equally hers and his, but neither one was allowed to. It will NEVER work if your always second to a child and aren’t working together.
Leave him. She gonna turn out bad cause he never taught her right and wrong. And they will always treat you and your child like outsiders and that y’all are in the wrong to me
First, I’d give you’re fiancee an option. Give her a choice. Tell her she will have to let you discipline her or send her to live with her father or another relative. If that don’t work. You lesve.
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OMG…Are You kidding me!!!