Okay so this is gonna be a long one… My fiance’s sons mom is horrible. Let’s just start off from the beginning… I’m gonna leave out details to spare this being extra long but from day one she’s kept my fiance from his son. There is no court order (I’ll get to that later) and she’s always coming up with some excuse to why she does, in the last 5 almost 6 years he’s gotten to take his son by himself a handful of times, in emergency cases. She’s stalked me, and him. Shes a compulsive liar. She will start to uncover a lie and forget it and cover it up with another lie. She has accused him of trying to kidnap their son, when he has video proof of what happened that day, she’s brainwashing their son, and when he threanted to take her to court she told him “you try to fight me for custody and I’ll make sure you don’t get shit” which is why there is no custody order. She’s bribed him to pay her to talk to his own son, he pays child support weekly on time every week. Has no violence on his records or towards her or their son. Her and her family are bringing their child into adult problems, and telling their son they hate his father. She has a bunch of people in her family that have worked in law so she knows the ins and outs of this situation. If we go to court she knows exactly what to say to make sure my fiance doesn’t get anything but what she wants him to have. She’s married now, but every boyfriend before her husband now she’s tried to make “daddy” to their son. My fiance has tried nothing but to be civil and be active in their sons life but she makes it difficult to even see him. He sees his son when she decides it’s okay, which is normally once a month if that (right now we are going on 5 months) because Everytime they plan something, she cancels last minute or says “we will discuss it later” and it never happens, he tries and she ignores him. He’s on the birth certificate and we live in Tennessee. Any advice? There’s so much more to this story but I can only say so much. He misses his son and his son misses him, she only allows them to talk once a week for half a hour(when she gets child support) I know all of this is her choosing because she has custody, but it’s wrong. He wants to be in his son’s life, but he’s scared to fight because he doesn’t want to end up with less then what he’s possibly getting now which isn’t much I know.
I don’t know how it is there but here in Wisconsin if they are paying child support they have the right to see their child ( outside if legal reasons not to of course )
I’d go to court he’d get more because he’s the dad and on the birth certificate.
Have him go to court & he will get more visitation for sure …
Only one option, an attorney then court.
Definitely get a court order, especially if you and him can back up what you are saying in this post
Definitely file a parenting plan. If she doesn’t have any proof of neglect or abuse than there isn’t much she can do. It sounds like he has lots of evidence showing that she is using the child for her benefit. Judges really look down on that. I understand his fear over her threats because I’ve been there with my ex husband, but he can’t let that fear stop him from doing what he needs to do to see his son.
Fear is keeping his son away , he needs to put the fear aside and go to court.
Coming from the second baby mama… don’t believe everything you hear I wish I had paid attention to all the things his first baby mama did and said before I made my self the second baby mama… I thought she was being bitter when in fact words can’t describe the awful things he’s done to us both and the horrible dad he was when he wasn’t putting on a show
If there are text messages between them. That she keeps canceling visits and threats are being made make sure to print those out. Write everything that’s happening in a notebook.
Stuff what she says I’m sure the courts will see right through he bs
He won’t get less time, she’s stupid. If he has no history of violence or anything towards her or the child he will absolutely get more time. Standard is 1st, 3rd & 5th weekend out of each month. But provide record of everything and use that against her. Especially the weekly child support he gives her. Bc she’ll sure as hell try to deny it and fight for backpay. As long as he has receipts or proof of what $$ he gives her she will not be able to request backpay. He needs to not listen to everything she says. Some women swear they have all the power when they child is in their custody. Leave it to the judge to decide how much control she’ll really have.
Actually there’s NO court order she doesn’t have custody. She has possession. There’s a big difference. Here in Texas if he had the child in his possession he doesn’t legally have to give him back and he can file for emergency custody. Yall need an attorney now and take her to court. At the least he’ll get every other weekend visitation and alternate holidays and extra time during the summer. That’s basic and there’s nothing the mother can do to prevent that.
Take her to court. The judge will set visitation. Call her bluff, if she refuses to let him see their son, the judge will not look kindly on that.
Keep a journal of all dates without emotion of plans made, cancelled called etc.
Sorry but why I only see excuses from you and the father. It’s been six years and yous haven’t taken her to court. My son hasn’t seen his son for 6 months and he’s taken the mother to family court
Court. Period. Court.
Gather all the evidence you can, get a lawyer and file for custody. It’s the only way through it. Yeah she may have family that’s worked in law but texts, phone call recordings and videos don’t lie. He needs to put on his big boy pants and lawyer up.
Honestly he should keep record of EVERYTHING. He couldn’t possibly get less than what he has now. I could be wrong but if there is no order they both have rights to the child and both have custody. Not just her.
He needs to go to court and fight for his rights. She’s a wing nut, a judge will see it.
Do it anyways
Find your self a good lawyer and keep track of every conversations
And plans that where canceled
Even with court orders
Some parents don’t change
Go. To. Court. 
Keep all records of texts, emails, ect. Record for videos of need be, might be dismissed, but worth a shot. Then take her to court
Excuses… stop enabling go to court.
If he wants custody he will go to court, let him handle it
Get it in text message where shes threatened him. The court system will not like that.
Document every time she or he cancels. (It will look better on him if he takes blame if something like that happens) and each reason.
Talk to a lawyer and ask for their assistance.
Document every cent he gives her. And when the child is with you guys do not talk badly about her. If she is brought up by the child document everything that is said but do NOT coax him into it. Dont ask him questions unless the lawyer is there with you.
document everything & take her to court!
document everything text, record phone convos, record her arguments, etc! Then go to court. She will be blind sided thinking she knows it all… You can call for free legal advice as well to a lawyer
I would go to court hun. Keep record all text messages ect. The issue with him giving her money all thus time if their is no paper trail she could receive back pay for all those years unless he has proof he paid her.
Document everything and go to frikin court!! Dont let her scare you out of it! Take everything you have documented and take her ass to court where she will have no choice but to comply with the order or she will be in contempt! Dont let these bitter crazy baby mamas run your life!
Just go to court so an order can be put in place and she has to follow.I guarantee he will get to see his child more than once a month so not sure what he’s waiting for.Why would he possibly be afraid of getting less visitation than he already gets thats just foolish.
Court!!! You cant reason with crazy
All I Read was bs excuses… If he wanted to be in his childs life he would take her to court. Either do it or leave her and the child tf alone
This…isn’t… Your…place…
You are creating a false relationship.
He knows he needs to hire an attorney and fight. He knows he needs to go to court…
What happens if you push to get this kid… and he does… and then you leave him… then you have created a relationship that is based off of you.
Woman have got to stop pushing these men… because your hurting children.
Next time you see him, don’t give him back if there’s no court order, or just pick him up from school/day care. Can’t be kidnapping if he’s the father & no court order. That’s essentially what she’s doing.
Take out a loan if you have to and get a pit bull lawyer to fight for you. Record every instance of her excuses, delays, and bad-mouthing in at least two places. Get a court order & report her for violating it and any parental alienation. Courts don’t look kindly on that behavior.
All I hear are excuses. Because all he needs to do is go file for visitation.
Get a court order. Visitation and child support are totally separate. She can’t hold his son because of child support. It sounds like you really need a court order to make her comply with visitation.
You need to document everything! Record phone calls, save threatening and bribing text messages, put in a calendar every single visit and save every single bank transaction sending her child support.
It’s not even your concern it’s his. If he wanted to see his son bad enough he’ll make it happen and pursue especially if he’s paying court ordered child support.
There’s always 3 sides to a story……
No one has full custody of the child if there isn’t a court order pertaining to custody! Same with child support as that’s an order that goes along with the custody order per the judge so something isn’t adding up with the story? Keeping a record of everything is great but just remember, he’ll need to explain himself when the judge asks why it took so long to file any type of paperwork.
His best option would be to seek free legal advice and find out the best steps to take. Kudos for you sticking beside him. Wish you two the very best!
Get lawyer take her to court … she can say whatever she wants to but she has to PROVE it … if there is not legitimate reason to keep him from his son and he’s paying child support on time they will grant him court ordered visitation if not 50/50 custody if that’s what he wants . but on a side note this sound like my husband’s baby momma 100%
He should talk to a lawyer.
Number one in most states just because he pays child support doesn’t mean he has rights to the child unless he and the mother was married at the time the child was born number two he needs to take her to court regardless if he gets a good attorney that attorney’s going to be able to twist everything she says around and expose her for what she is number three those phone calls and such right now is her call
He needs to get a lawyer and take her to court. She’s using that fear to manipulate him into not doing it. Keep fighting it in court. He needs to be the one to take action.
Have him screen shot all text from his ex and since he pays child support they should have set visits and days he gets his son talk to the courts.
Honestly my advice is to stay out of it… You say that she bribes him to talk to his son, then you say she let’s him talk to him after he’s paid child support (paying child support is an obligation to your child not a bribe)… You said that there are no papers filed yet then say she has custody… Your misinformation will only fuel the fire and honestly it’s not your business it’s theirs… And not fighting because of his ex is just a lame arse excuse people use to keep living their lives and blaming others.
If he was serious about it, he would go to court. Period.
I’d go to court, he needs to keep a record if all his attempts to see his son, and what excuse she had, he needs to stay nice and not nasty, unless she has proof he is a danger to the child, nothing she says or does will hold up in court, as to why he can’t see his son, and that message alone will help his case, she is disgusting and that poor child is paying for it.
Ignore what she says and go to court. She’s saying whatever to intimidate. Get a lawyer and take her to court. There’s no excuse if you haven’t been before a judge and fighting through the courts.
Sorry for my potty mouth. But from what you shared, that Bitch is CRAZY!!! No 2 ways about it. Not knowing the Full details, as long as the 2 of you have proof, receipts, video/s or anything else, take her sorry ass to court. Of course talk with a lawyer. The fact that he’s paying child support & on time, she HAS NO RIGHT TO CHARGE HIM MONEY TO TALK TO HIS CHILD!!! That’s EXTORTION!!! Just that alone can put her in Jail.
WTF is wrong with her.
By the way, make sure that her or any of her friends are on this site. What ever people are posting, she could use in court. Be careful.
He should take her to court. She may be “ready because family can guide her outside the court room”…but he can ALSO be ready.
Record EVERYTHING…phone calls of her demanding shit, belittling him, the excuses of why he can’t have his son, video craziness, her family involving themselves, etc. Print out text messages and Facebook messages of her being unruly…ALL OF THIS CAN BE USED AGAINST HER IN COURT.
Don’t settle in mediation…UNLESS he gets what HE wants for him and his son! Request a G.A.L. and go full force against her!
He as the father, HAS RIGHTS too…and he needs to start standing up to the bm on it…for the sake of his relationship with his son.
Trust me…she won’t keep up the petty shit once he stands up to her and drags her ass through that court room.
Honey, 1st off bravo. Being a fiance to someone who has an ex that just reacts out of spite and anger is absolutely hard. 2nd that’s your fiance, bravo for reaching out for advice to try and help him. It’s 100% YOUR BUSINESS. You’re gonna marry that man, which means you marry the baggage, damage, and trauma that comes along with him.
3rd, if he truly misses his son, and she is being that kind of petty, spiteful, and horrid human being, you need to let him know the benefits of a court order. She couldn’t keep them apart on his days unless she wants to be held in contempt, she can’t use money against his child because the court says its his time. She can’t just change shit when she wants to, the court will have to do that for you. If he really wants the time with his son, then tell him it’s time to have a consultation with a lawyer, SHOW EVERYTHING, and get that time.
I wish you the best of luck.
He’s a grown man he can stand up to her… she’s a narcissist and they are a real piece of work but she cannot threaten him to not go to court as she is making all of there issues about the child. She is a very manipulative, unsafe person for the child to be around and if your fiancée has proof of what he was doing on the day she is accusing him of kidnapping he can use it against her. Her family can get in trouble for telling her what to say and how to do things so your fiancé gets nothing. Your best bet is to get advice from your own lawyer, she’s taking this WAY to far for no reason but attention.
She can say what she wants but she has to prove what she’s saying is true.she’s using the fact that she has family in law enforcement to intimidate him. He needs to stand up to her and not allow it to continue. If there is no court order then he should stop paying child support until he’s granted access to his son and/or there is a court order for child support and visitation. Once he goes to court and is granted visitation she can no longer withhold her son from your fiancé. It’s time he stands up to her and fights for his son.
If he’s on the birth certificate and there is no custody papers he has just as much right to the child as she does . But if there is custody papers then they need to go by them otherwise it is tempt of court and the parent not obeying can get in huge trouble in front of a judge . Regardless if he wants to see his son more he should get an attorney involved and have proof of child support payments when he does . The least he will get is every other weekend unless he’s in drugs or a felon .
She doesn’t have full custody because no court order has said do and it’s only a high court that can decide that, not even the parents can decide that! He’s on the birth certificate so he naturally has joint custody, it’s just he lives with her for the most part. He needs to get a good family lawyer and do lots of research into what he can do, her history and threats she’s made of getting nothing etc so the lawyer can defend him against her rubbish. The court wouldn’t take that anyway if there’s nothing negative against him and it’s her word against his, then he’ll award joint and set times in stone and if she still messes about then she’s the one that risks losing out
I think there is more to this picture than you know. There is something that he doesn’t want stirred up and brought to the surface. Something up but my first suggestion is for you to stay out of it. You being involved may cause things to be worse than they are. If it’s that important for him to see his son, then he’s going to have to take Momma Bear to court. You can’t tell me that in almost 6 years he hasn’t had the funds to do so. If it’s that important he will find the funds. He can do a lot of the work his self without a attorney. The worst thing that can happen is the judge says no. But at least it won’t be her calling the shots. She does not have custody if there is no court order. If her stalking bothers you, get a restraining order. Simple as that.
There’s no custody order but she has custody?
He can’t really get less than he’s getting now. Regardless of what her family knows, she really can’t keep him from his son without proof that he’s a danger to his child. My ex was proven abusive to me in court, I had a restraining order, and they were still going to give him visitation. This should have been in court YEARS ago.
It’s always 2 sides to every story. The girlfriend or fiancé will always say her man is the ultimate dad while his BM is difficult (not to say that is what you are saying). Do you two have any children together? I think you should stay in your lane. The father either gone boss up and fight or not. At the end of the day, that child has nothing to do with you., even though I’m sure you love him. Your fiancé comes with baggage. Either you gone rock with it or not
Document everything and talk to a lawyer. Just because she knows people doesn’t mean a judge will side with her if you have evidence and have documented everything
Get a good lawyer, make details of everything that is done and said and what has happened. He did his son deserve better than that.
Surely you not falling for that. What a crock. Get a lawyer ffs.
All i can say is judge her only on what you know and have personally witnessed not what anyone else says even him.
A lot of ppl just don’t wabt to take the full responsibility and play thr blame game.
Maybe you and her should talk alone you may be surprised.
Just my opinion!
Take her to court for visitation rights. Especially if he is paying child support then he should have rights to his kid. If he has nothing on his record, then he should not be afraid to take her to court. If there is a court order in place and she still does not allow him to see his kid, then she will get in trouble.
He can’t possibly end up with less so he needs to take her to court ASAP before it’s too late. Doesn’t matter that she has legal friends, there are plenty of good lawyers out there, and he has a very strong case and will get access. Possibly even 50/50. Do not delay taking her to court.
Document everything!!!
He should have as much communication via text or email that he can and take her to court. I’m in Ohio and a friend of mine, her son had a bitter ex and she tried to control and micromanage everything when it came to him seeing his daughter. When it came to the court hearing and she behaved like an ass telling the judge what she wanted and how she wanted it etc, he actually ended up getting more time with his child. You also have to remember her “legal” friends are also only hearing her side of every story.
He needs to get a lawyer. He needs to save all the texts, document everything,take her to court. She has to prove anything she says about him. Most states will reward 50/50. As of right now, there’s no court order so you do not have to give the child back to her when you do have him unless you’re not on the birth certificate. Keep him and take her to court!!
Get a male attorney for custody rights!
Get a custody order. He needs a solicitor ASAP.
You should start by staying out of it.
Go to court. Unless she has some proof of him being a bad person/parent then he will get more or equal time with his son. He needs to take a record of all the times he’s ask to take his son and she denies him or cancels on him. No matter how much ins and out she knows a lawyer can get him more time with his son, if he’s not some bad record with the law.
I stopped reading when you said he is CHOOSING not to fight for custody…he needs to man the up
B a man and take her to court.People telling you to stay out of it I dont agree.
He hasn’t been able to see his kid in 5 months but he’s worried about getting less time?
He needs to go to court because what’s the worse that can happen? If he documents all their interactions and he’s paying his child support I doubt he gets less time.
Get a lawyer and go to court. That’s it. Nothing else to do
Nowadays the courts are very very fair on fathers. They know they see this shit 50times a day. I do get a feeling your painting an incorrect picture doh. There must be a reason mum is this angry id love to hear her side.
Anyway years fly just make it black and white leave the past behind
Four words. Take her to court. Contrary to what you think, there is NOTHING she could say in court that is going convince a judge to take away his visitation. He is a dad who wants and deserves to spend time with his son. She can say whatever she wants, but she has to be able to prove it. What I would do is document everything. Every single time she refuses. Document. If you really wanna get the ball rolling, stop paying her child support and tell her to file for it. Just know, it could be more than you’re paying now. The ONLY way for this to be fixed is to be put in writing, and get it signed by the judge. Alot of times, these women think they can do whatever they want, both before and after. They don’t realize they can be held in contempt for not following it and up to possible jail time for it. Once they do, this petty bullshit ends. You dont even technically need a lawyer to file for custody and visitation. What we did was a one hour paid consult with a lawyer. The lawyer told us what to do. Just go down to the courthouse and pay the fees to file the paperwork and have her served. We did. Also filed contempt of court, and WON. You have to be prepared and have the evidence to back up what you’re saying. So document every single little thing. To win contempt of court, you have to prove it’s a repeated behavior by documenting it religiously. Ever since the judge found her in contempt, and told her he wouldn’t hesitate to put her in jail next time, it hasn’t been an issue. 
If this has been going on for 5/6 years and he has yet to go to court to fight for his son…huge red flag. Fathers have rights to children, it doesn’t matter what she says. Law is law. Literally all he has to do is go to the courthouse and file for joint custody, mediation is free, if they cannot agree to anything during mediation then it goes to court. Unless she has proof of him being neglectful, abusive, etc he should at least get every other weekend or visitation rights to the child. The fact that he hasn’t even tried though in all these years tells me that he’s not telling you something, or doesn’t care as much as he claims to care.
Go. To. Court. 
Bottom line is if “he’s choosing not to fight her in court” it’s his problem because he’s allowing her to have all the control…
Her knowing people and having family that work in law sounds like a copout for not taking responsibility
My advice would be to encourage him to either do something about it or not complain about what’s he’s willingly, allowing to happen…
If he’s a stand up guy like you say he is then he’ll definitely get some sort of visitation court ordered, if BM refuses she’ll be held in contempt.
So he pays child support but doesn’t have visitation? And that’s somehow the moms fault? Hmm… sounds like they’re is a big chunk of a lot of the story missing. If he really wants to be in his child’s life and be an active parent, he would go down to the courthouse and file for visitation. Every father also has a right to fine for custody and visitation. And if anything, because he’s paying cs they will take that into account and that could even help him. So I’m sorry, but non of this makes sense. I’d tell him to go file and if he doesn’t … I’d start asking questions. And a weekly phone call actually sounds pretty fair especially for that long. My ex husband also has a phone call schedule from the courts and it’s also once a week for way less time. And I didn’t choose that the judge did. Something sounds off here…
I’d fight like hell. Forget who he knows. Get the word out about what she’s doing. Be loud about it and draw all the attention. Make sure to record everything and I mean everything from texts to calls and visits.
He needs to go to court, let them know what is going on.
My boyfriend is in the same situation. He needs to get an attorney and fight hard
State of tn minimum time in a custody arrangement is 88 days a year. Your fiancé needs to get up off the front stoop and file for custody. He isn’t a door mat, tho he’s acting like one. If he can show his texts of her cancelling and a pattern, he has a good chance of a lot more than 88 days. In fact if he can show the crap your saying, he has the potential to win primary custody. But again that requires his to stand up. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You on the other hand should evaluate if this is what you’re really wanting. It’s an emotional rollercoaster to fight and you as the fiancé has zero dog in the fight. You’ll be a bystander and if she’s truly doing all that, it’ll get a lot worse before that court date.
He needs to take it to court and it should of been done a long time ago there are no excuses for waiting this long
Get a good lawyer take her to court that way you have your rights be the voice for his son you just don’t what he going Thur at home she just is trying to rule the deal tell her your going to stop the child support don’t just put on hold stand up for the son it will look very good that when you go to court keep a note book & phone log
Lawyer and court. Especially if she is already not letting him see his son. He should have documents of everytime she cancls an agreed time for visits. Also proof of paying child support.
It will be a battle but you say hes done nothing wrong, a judge will give visitation most likely, if both parents are trying to be involed in the childs life.
For one she don’t have full custody there’s no court order . I don’t know how it’s done in Tn . But let’s say she lets him keep the kid for a night and in that time frame he files for custody since he’s on the birth certificate he gains custody at that point until court . Period . Tell him to quit being a door mat . Make sure to keep records of all child support and all texts before court . He should if anything have joint custody period .
The only way you’re going to see him is if you take your chances and go to to court. You should have everything written down. When you ask to see him what she says, etc.
Start recording every interaction. If you had video evidence of all of this past stuff it would help. Also……get an attorney. Get a court order. Force a Guardian ad-litem and force counseling for that child.
No court is gonna back a mother who keeps her child from his father.
And she doesn’t have custody. No one does. There is JJ court order. So if you wanted next time you get him for visitation then Keep him. It isn’t against the law. There is no court order and dad has just as many rights as mom. Just make sure you have the Birth Certificate with ya at all times.
Keep all text messages and call logs and go to court
I stopped at “no court order”.
Get one. Get a lawyer.
Record everything, get a guardian ad litem… But get a court order.
Now.
Take her to court anyways. Get a lawyer
If there is no court order then she doesn’t have custody. He has rights as a father. He needs to go to court. If nothing else- just to establish a visitation schedule. She can’t back out of court ordered visitation.
He’s failed his child by not going to court and ensuring he has a relationship. If he’s on the BC and is paying support then what happened that he has no enforceable custody/vistitation? You can’t force him to step up, he either dies or doesn’t and really the fact that he hasn’t even tried should be eye opening to you.
Get a lawyer!! Idk how you think you will get less than nothing . You will get something . At least every other weekend. Have your lawyer file an emergency court date with the judge. The longer you wait , the shittier you look for waiting so long. 5 months is a long time to not see your child! I would have done this the first missed scheduled day to see my child!