My fiances ex makes their daughter call her boyfriend "daddy"...advice?

Is your main concern she calls a man who’s been raising her almost her whole life Daddy or do you have actual concerns about this man? You have growing up to do….

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:woman_facepalming: My eldests dad has been with his partner for 4 years, they got married this year and I had that talk with her about how she feels about her dads partner, and it was all positive. I told her she could call her mum if she wants to. She said she did want to, but she doesn’t want it to make me feel sad and I told her it wouldn’t because what makes her happy, makes me happy. She has a good bond with her step mum… And that is amazing! I’d hate for her to not like her and feel uncomfortable around her, you shouldn’t want that for them. Be glad she has someone who loves her in her life and who has stuck by her side.

It’s about what the child wants. If she didn’t want to call him dad, she wouldn’t.

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Just let her do her own thing. Why does a 6 year need pressure like that?? So silly.

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Call one daddy and the other da da, father, diddy, poppy :woman_shrugging:

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Never met an active father that would be okay with his kids calling someone else dad.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. It probably kills him to hear his baby call someone else that.
Her mother should correct her.
Genuinely sorry he’s going through this. :confused:

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I would not sit there and confuse the child if she wants to call him dad let her call him dad at both homes sounds a bit childish to me he’s been in that child’s life since she was a baby it’s her bonus dad she has two dads which is amazing

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From what I read all the adults are wrong they shouldn’t be forcing her to call him dad and y’all shouldn’t be not allowing it it’s up to that kid not you adults

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I say that if she’s wanting to call him that obviously he’s being a daddy figure for her and that’s more love for that lil girl to have what if she was to start calling you mom would y’all stop it then I know it’s heartbreaking and upsetting to hear your lil girl call someone else daddy but if he loves and cares for her the same as a dad when she’s with mom then shouldn’t be a problem as long as she knows who her real daddy is gonna take some time to get use to but from the sounds of it this lil girl has made up her mind and wanting to call him daddy and y’all are guilt tripping her when she says it around y’all like she is doing something wrong and that’s wrong of y’all just better to accept it than keep making a big fuss out of it if the girl is happy and thriving then it shouldn’t matter obviously he makes her comfortable enough for her to call him that or she wouldn’t sounds as though y’all need to let go of hate and let something bloom into a beautiful thing which is someone else to love and take care of that lil girl when she can’t be with her real daddy more love being given to her is what she needs she doesn’t need someone getting onto her about it cuz she’s gonna eventually grow resentment from it and either give the moms side trouble or the dad making her feel guilty for it is not the way to go​:woman_facepalming::ok_hand:

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My ex is married to a great woman who loves and cares for my daughter when she is with them. She does everything for my daughter that I do as well. She treats my little girl as if she was her own. She has earned that title of mom just as much as I have. My daughter has the option to call her by her name or she does sometimes call her Mommy 2. Thats usually only in writing seeing as her name is difficult for a 7 year old to spell. Point is, I never told her she couldn’t call her bonus mom"Mom" and they never forced it on her but she’s more than earned the title and if my daughter wants to use it, I know it does not take anything away from me. In fact, it just means there is another person in my child’s life that loves her the way a mother should and I can’t be angry or hurt about that. Why would I be? The more people to love my child the better. If her step father is caring for her in the same ways your fiance would and he is not treating her badly or hurting in any way then there should be no reason why she can’t choose to call him Dad or Daddy. Now, if she is truly being forced then that is a conversation that needs to be had. However, if it’s what she wants then I don’t see an issue with them both being Daddy.

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Hmm my dad was very active in our life when we where small had a step dad that we had called dad cause he was there since we where small my dad didn’t get mad he understood and loved that someone else was there for us when he couldn’t be I think y’all are over reacting if the mom’s bf or whatever is there taking care and loving that child as his own them let her call him dad nothing wrong with it cause he’s there when her bio dad can’t nothing wrong with that put your self in the mom’s shoes if y’all break up or whatever and you re married and your child wants to call your new spouse dad what are you going to tell your child no you don’t call him dad no your not your going to let them if they are comfortable with it

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:thinking: So as her Bio Fathers Girlfriend … What does she call You ?? :thinking:

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Why do y’all care so much about what is happening in the parents household :woman_shrugging:t4:. Did she tell you guys she has to call him that :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:. Because my daughter after being around my husband who isn’t bio dad has just now asked after 4 years if she can call him step dad. Let these kids make bonds with other people especially if they have been around since she was a baby…

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If they have another kid, maybe that’s why. Unless it makes the kid uncomfortable I don’t see the issue.

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It should be up to the child what they choose to call bonus parents. If they’re forcing her, that’s shitty and they need to stop. If she’s choosing to call him that, so be it. It’s her choice and what she’s comfortable with. Period. End of story. Doesn’t make her bio dad any less of her dad. Just means there’s one more father figure loving her

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I’ve been with my man since my oldest daughter was 3. My daughter’s father is a part of her life, and she goes to his house every weekend. We were sticklers on not allowing my daughter to call my boyfriend “dad” out of respect for her father. My boyfriend is Aaron and her dad will always be her dad. However, in the last year she has asked to start calling Aaron dad as she also sees him as a father figure to her. He has always treated her as though she was one of his own.

I would say not allowing it out of respect for the other parent is the right way to go, but the child will also decide on their own when the time comes. Forcing them one way or the other or making them I feel is wrong.

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I say leave it up to the child. Does she want to or feel comfortable calling him Dad? Leave the ego’s aside and decide what’s best for the child.

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U sound dumb. He’s obviously been I’m her life since she’s baby. If she wants to call him dad what ar u gonna do? There litteraly isn’t shit u can do so pick ur battles lady . If ur fiance is a good dad then she will always know who her daddy is.

though you can not control what happens in her home you will just confuse her more and she will struggle and always feel like she will get in trouble if she slips up if you try to enforce those same rules I do not agree with it but I would just explain to her that he is her step dad and this is your real dad so that she knows and ask her if she has any questions don’t set more rules for a 6 year old to follow

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No that’s not okay… I was forced to call my step dad …dad and it’s was uncomfortable to say the least. Bit here It really depends on how the child feels

Allowing it🤔 as if they need your permission??
There’s nothing wrong about that dear, you and your fiance need to take a chill pill.
If you have a problem with her calling him daddy, you should also have a problem with him taking care of her.

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It should be the child’s choice.

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If they were married I wouldn’t have a problem with it. To help with confusion maybe ur the bio dad can be called daddy and step dad called dad or even pops

Don’t worry about what’s going on their household unless there are signs that it’s causing the child harm emotionally/mentally/physically. Everyone is different. My husband an I have been MARRIED for over a year and two of my step children still call me Miss Apryl. The third one calls me mom. They each call me what their most comfortable with. We don’t push it because we don’t feel it’s needed. Especially since the two older ones are 12 and 10. But not all people are like that.

Well she better not be calling you mom if you think it’s wrong for her to call him daddy…

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Should be up to the kid what she calls him, but idg why you care!? The guy is her step dad if he been in her life the whole time & loves & takes care of her. My son has 2 dads & 2 moms & i tell him how lucky is to have more ppl loving him

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Butt out. Not your child, so not your decision. Let him handle his problems/family and you handle yours. My kids had many “relatives” who weren’t really relatives, it means they are loved by many. Let it go.

Uhhhh you let the kid call the man who has been in her life for 6 years whatever SHE is comfortable with? It’s not about you or your fiancé?

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Whatever the kid feels comfortable with.

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If the daughter is comfortable calling him dad you should leave the situation alone. Don’t make it hard for the child. You are the adult learn to deal with it. There are so many families that co parent beautifully and at the end of the day this guy has been parenting her since a baby.

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Focus on the child. That’s been her dad since she was a baby. Don’t do anything that is petty when it comes to split homes. That child has two dads, let her be able to openly acknowledge that and feel good about that.

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Are they forcing her to call him that? Is she comfortable calling him that? It all really boils down to putting her wants and needs first. If that’s what she wants to call him, than let it be. If she’s being forced than address the situation accordingly. You said that he’s been on her life since she was a baby. They live in the same home, so it’s only natural that she may want to call him Dad. It doesn’t make your fiancee any less of a Dad to her. If anything, it shows her that she has parents who love and support her.

I suppose its the daughters choice, though i am 36 and have had my step parents around since i was 2ish and have never called them mum and dad, always by their first name and they have always been fantastic step parents. I dont remember thinking about calling them mum or dad.

Oh man, my mom took me to councling because i wouldnt tell my 2 month step dad i love him. My dad about K**3d her.

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I split custody with my ex husband and his wife and my son calls her “Momma Cole” because he wants to and if I end up marrying my current boyfriend and he wants to call him dad one day then yeah he can do that. You cant be hurt over something like that because step parents take care of them just like we do if not better sometimes, it’s nobody’s decision but the child’s all you can do is support the decision

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How are u going to deny a man who’s been in her life since she was a baby to not be called daddy?sounds like u both are being selfish if the little girl didn’t want to call him daddy then I’m sure she wouldn’t ( get over it kids sometimes have step parents “bonus”! There’s nothing wrong with it!!

The guys been there since she was a baby and she’s now 6? She can call him dad, or daddy I think that’s fine.

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You need to try and put yourself in the head of his daughter and take your own insecurities out of it here for a second. This man has been in her life since she was a baby, she primarily lives with her mom and him, and at the end of the day it is just a word. While I see where your fiancé would be a little upset having someone else more involved in his daughters life than he is , he also has played a part in getting the situation here and his daughter should not have to suffer because of it. The more people to love our kids the better, some people don’t have one dad, your step daughter has 2. You all are very lucky and to tell her she can’t call him that will just make her resent you guys and make her feel like she did something wrong. She knows who her parents are, and she loves you all I’m sure so don’t use her and this situation to play out your own issues through her. Your fiancé and his ex wife should be having the conversation and if he is really upset with this then he should play more of a role in her life and maybe she will call them both dad. Like I said at the end of the day it is just a word, calling someone daddy does not make them a father, but their actions and amount they show up for their kids absolutely does. My ex husband has been dating the same woman for a few years, him and her live together so when our daughter is with him his girlfriend is there as well and if she ever came to me and called Alyssa “mom” I would never ever say anything to her to make her think this is wrong. She’s around her a lot and she is helping raise her as well so the title is shareable, and at the end of the day if this is what my daughter wants then I’m all for it. The more people I can surround her with that love and take perfect care of her the better. My kid knows I’m her mom, and calling someone else that too does not take away from me being a mother. It only shows that there’s someone else out there taking as good of care of her as I am , and that’s pretty amazing in my mind.

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I think it doesn’t matter as long as the child is comfortable. It is a personal issue to work on within yourself. Like why do you actually care?

Unfortunately this is something you can’t control. It’s sad that she is being made to do this but always remind her when she’s there that no matter what this daddy loves her. Telling her she’s not allowed to call him daddy will cause your daughter a lot of problems. If you have any concerns about any psychological issues I would suggest play therapy so she can find some coping mechanisms. And if your fiance has any hurt feelings I suggest therapy and maybe a child in the middle class. Do not let any ill feelings from the bio mother prevail and hurt this child. Just be there for the child and maybe one day this child will call you mom and consider you a 2nd mom. But never replace anyone. And seriously this guy has been in her life since she was a baby. He seems very consistent and may even deserve this title. And if bio has been there the same amount of time he’s just as worthy and nothing wrong with 2 being called daddy. It’s wonderful when a child can have an army of people who care about them genuinely. Look within yourself and get over any personal issues and see that this child needs your strength not your selfish pettiness.

It’s called a bonus dad! Keep it about the child. It’s his ex cause it didn’t work out. The child has nothing to do with that. He is with you….bonus mom…

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Ask her what she wants to do. Everyone remembers their feelings but forgets the little girls. Ask her. You literally asked Facebook before her. She’s 6 just ask her. You have stated they make her, should you make her. Stop making her do shit and grow up and ask the lil girl what she wants to do. Damn
What if she chose to call you mom, make her feel comfortable to use her own words. And i swear to God you better not start making her call you mom in retaliation. I work in the family legal system and you have no idea what you are all doing to this child.

This is ridiculous, why does it matter if she calls a man that’s been in her life basically her whole life Daddy? Sounds like you guys are trying to control something you have no control over! If he is good to her and loves her then let her call him daddy and be happy that they have that relationship cause it could be much much worse

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My SS mom has him calling all boyfriend’s daddy it hurt my husband at first there really isn’t anything u can do about it she finally settled down married he calls him dad he has been apart of his life 8yrs now SS is 16 he is old enough to decide on his own I’ve never been mom to him IAM KK and I’ve been in his life 16 yrs kids will call u what ever they want. If I was y’all I would let it go let her call him what ever she wants he has been in her life a while

Admins knew what was about to happen to op. Why y’all do this to her ? :joy::joy::joy:

If they’re forcing her to call him that, it should be stopped. It should be her choice.

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If the child is being forced , that isn’t ok. However , my kids have called their step dad “daddy” and their step mom “mommy”. The way we all feel is the kids deserve as much love and connection as they can get in each home . I’ve never told my child they can’t call their step mom “mommy or mama” even when in my care . I’d never put that on my child. Let’s make it about how the child feels and not how about the adults feel about it

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Can’t control what goes on at someone else’s house. If the baby wants to call him it I don’t see nothing wrong with it. He was there for basically her whole life it’s not not she’s bringing random men and telling her to call them daddy. That would be wrong

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She should be allowed to call him whatever SHE wants. But with that being said if my exes current gf or even fiance tried telling me anything about my child the chances of me doing anything about it would be extremely slim. Maybe suggest to him that he step up and attempt talking to her or maybe even him about it

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Let your daughter choose what’s in her heart

Are you jealous that she calls the mom’s boyfriend daddy, but doesn’t call you mommy?

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Don’t make a big issue out of it. What does she call you? If she called you Mom would you tell her NO - I am not your mom so you can’t call me that.

Suck it up build a bridge and get over it

I would mention to the mom that it’s unfair of her to force her daughter to treat her boyfriend like he’s her dad and it might make her resent him later in life because SHE didn’t get the time to become comfortable with him

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Have her call you mommy and see how she likes it.

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Shes lived with them majority of time since she was a baby. Yall are being petty. Let that girl call him whatever she feels like

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If the child is ok with it its fine. Its ok for a child to love all the parental figures in her life. She knows who her dad is and calling a step parent daddy does not diminish how she feels about her biological dad. I started calling my step dad dad on my own at about age 7 or 8 no one asked me too. It just felt right and going to school i didnt want to explain extenuating relationships to my peers. Trying to navigate my parents relationships made me more uncomfortable than just calling them both my dad. (I never called my step mom mom or mommy. But i didnt live with her and she was never around my friends)

He helped raise that little girl. He is dad too. Stop trying to be selfish. Deal with it. It’s not about him. It’s about that little girl.

How long has bio dad been doing dad stuff? Is it only on the weekends and only starting more recently? Stepdad been there since she was a baby and is around more often so she would like call him dad

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U need to stay out of it…
That’s between her parents
IMO

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Let her decide what she wants to do. Don’t alienate the other parents in her life because that’s toxic.

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My daughter calls her step mom ‘mommy’
She knows I’m her real mom, and yeah it hurt at first but it’s her decision, she really is her second mom.

You just sound bitter. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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ohhh lord. I would catch a charge

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My issue with this is they’re “forcing” her to call him that. We have a blended family. My step kids call me by my name and that’s fine. My daughter calls my husband Dad. That’s what she wants to call him. Nobody told her to call him that. Her bio-dad she calls Daddy.

We had an issue where she would talk to Daddy on the phone (he’s incarcerated) and would say “Dad and I went to the store.” or something like that and he would correct her. Saying things like “Umm who? Dad’s right here.” Or “You mean Shane?” (Husbands name) It made her not want to talk to him. I got pissed and told him he doesn’t get to decide what she calls her step-dad. That’s between them. Also explaining that having more than one person who loves her and cares for her is a good thing. She doesn’t need to feel bad for calling the person who is raising her whatever she feels comfortable with.

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If she wants to call him “daddy” I would let her. It’s not like it’s a random stranger. It’s a man whose been there for her entire life so far.

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Idk if she wants to call him daddy but she is with him most of the time. Even if you said no we aren’t allowing it that won’t stop them from doing it.

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Don’t tell her she is/isn’t allowed to call step dad “Daddy”. That only makes things worse internally for her. She needs to feel safe and secure enough in both homes to do what makes HER comfortable. Who cares if Dads feelings are hurt? If this man steps into a father role, while the child is in his home, and she feels comfortable calling him Dad, let her! Why are the adults feelings more important than what the child feels comfortable with?!? There’s something seriously wrong with the dynamics on both Mom and Dads side here.

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NO WAY.
Just a boyfriend.
Not her daddy.
You r right,though, it,is about ego…
Just the other direction…
Not,ok

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She should be able to call him whatever she wants

None of your business. Mind your own.

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She is 6 , let her decide what feels right for her.

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I think it should be how the child feels about the situation. It shouldn’t be forced, it should be if the child wants to.

We !!! I’m sorry but you have not power/ rights over her .This man is raising her since she was a baby , so yes he is also HER DAD .
Nothing wrong with her calling him daddy .( Unless she is obligated)

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What’s wrong with her having 2 dad’s?! Clearly this boyfriend has been in the picture her entire life and the primary man raising her. Don’t make her feel bad for embracing him as her father, it’s an honor! The child should be able to call him whatever she feels comfortable and it’s probably easier to say dad, especially in school and social situations. I agree with other comments, don’t be petty. All families are different and she’s lucky to have 2 dads!

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Personally it makes me uncomfortable if they are forcing her to call step dad “daddy” and no longer his first name. If she’s comfortable with his first name, what’s wrong with calling him that? This is definitely a conversation that bio dad, a d bio mom need to have. Especially if it makes the daughter uncomfortable (which I’m guessing it is if it’s being forced).

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I mean I call my step dad dad, but he was more of a dad then my father ever was. And my daughter calls my bf by his name she’s called him dad once or twice but we let her call him whatever she wants to call him… The little girl should be being forced to call him daddy

Unfortunately you don’t live at their house and you won’t be able to stop them.

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Forcing no. On her own it’s acceptable if it’s a health relationship and he’s treating her like a child/parent relationships should be. My now 18 yr old calls my exhusbands wife mom/bonus mom. She asked if it was ok and I was fine with it because I know she loves our daughter just as much as I do. We also get along great and support each other even outside of our shared child. Edit to say: they (dad & bonus mom) met when she (our daughter) was 7 and at 9/10 we knew their relationship was in for the long haul and it was the right choice for us.

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Let the little girl decide what she wants to call the step Dad. We adopted two of our grandchildren they decided to call us grandma and grandpa still and not mom and Dad. What ever the little girl is comfortable with.

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As a bonus mom, my husbands first child called me mom and called his ex wife’s husband dad. He had two sets of parents who love him very much. But he wasn’t forced, he called us what he felt comfortable with. As an adult child he calls me by my name because that is what he is comfortable with now. It doesn’t bother me one way or the other. Focus on the LOVE for him and for loving him and not making this a battle. Hopefully mom will allow their son to call bonus dad what he’s comfortable with.

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If she wants to call him daddy then let her, if she’s being forced to though that’s a different story altogether. I was mum to my stepson who I raised from babyhood to 3 1/2 because that’s what HE wanted to call me, I never called myself mum to him when talking about myself in third person.

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You cant make that decision. You can’t control want goes on at moms house.She is 6 years old and he has been there since she was a baby. He spends more time with her than your fiancé if you guys only get her on the weekend. If she is comfortable calling him dad then you guys need to accept it and not make her feel bad. Maybe she wants to call him daddy but is afraid to tell you that especially since you won’t let her call him daddy while at your house.

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Y’all have to figure it out as the “grownups” in her life, you ALL have a duty to help her understand and protect her young mind and tender heart…whatever it is you all come together on…it takes a village, wishing you the best and do what’s most right😘

If she doesn’t want to call him daddy. She shouldn’t be made to. She is a child. Her mother should know better. She has 1 father and 1 mother. Why confuse her?

 Why is he in his feelings about what his kid called somebody else? There is a man who takes care of his baby and who has been taking care of his baby for over five years. Your fiancé needs to suck it up buttercup

Her choice to make, not yours, your fiance’s, or her mother’s. He’s been around since before she can remember. Does he treat her as if she’s his own? Then what’s the big friggin deal. But if it’s being forced on her, not cool. Again, HER choice and everyone should respect it.

You came to the wrong place if you thought anyone was going to be on your side here.
If the kids only with you on the weekends and he has been in her life since a baby then that is her dad too soooo leave her be. And you definitely shouldn’t be shaming her or making her feel bad for calling him dad. That’s toxic and borderline abusive to be honest.

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My granddaughter has 2dads. #1 is her birth dad has always been in her life. #2 is we will say stepdad, but never married. I tell her she is very lucky to have 2 daddies that love her.

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Have her call you mom…fair is fair :woman_shrugging:

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Be petty right bk let her call u mom :woman_shrugging:

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It should be up to the daughter what she wants to call him… I was NEVER forced to call my my moms now ex husband anything…. I called him by his name

So he raised that baby but she can’t call him daddy?? Who tf are you two to say what the kid can call their STEPDAD. You guys have her on weekends, focus on your own kid. :rofl::rofl:

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Personally I think it should be whatever the child is comfortable with I know plenty of people that coparent amazing together and the kids call both dad and step dad dad and mom and step mom mom as long as the child is loved all around and taken care of it’s just more love to go around. But at the end of the day whatever the comfort level is between the child and step parent it’s not saying dad or mom is being replaced it’s just more love to go around. I think all of you adults just need to sit down and talk about this and maybe just asking the child what she wants :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Let her Choose herself…

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The mom forcing her to call him dad is wrong… thats something she needs to decide on her own… my bf has been there since the day my daughter was born and she just started calling him dad as she is 7 now. I told her she could call him whatever she wanted, it was her choice.

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If she’s doing it because she wants to I don’t see a problem. If it’s being forced I would have something to say.

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Simply tell the child “no I am your Daddy”. X can fuss all she wants but you have told the child no untruth.

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She should have the right to choose but them forcing her will make her resent them. Please don’t ask the child to call you mum. Don’t confuse her because as a mother yourself, you should understand it’s about the children not what’s good for you.

In my opinion this is between the childs parents not the step parents. And then when she is older she can decide what she wants to call him and you. But I do think it is wrong to force her to call step dad, Dad or Daddy. You are not even married to him yet, so you should discuss it with him in private and share your opinion, but the decision is ultimately between him and his childs Mom.

My advice: Mind your business!!!

Nor do you KNOW it’s forced or are you speculating???!!! That is NOT your child, that is your bonus child (if you’re married). If dude takes care of her and is good to her (like a dad), then they get to decide about rifled. It didn’t have to go through bio dad (although it’s be great to do so) AND it doesn’t need your permission.

Let the child have her village WITHOUT all the egos. :roll_eyes:

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Well that’s the guy who’s going to be with her and her mother…your fiance has a family with you now…they don’t need your permission to do anything…unless the little girl has a problem with it you shouldn’t interfere in what they want to do with their life…

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