My friend doesn't offer to help with my child: Advice?

I’m sorry no matter how close of friends we are I dont want your damn kids too :joy:

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This Gotta Be A Joke :woman_facepalming:t4: Your Sense Of Entitlement Is Crazy. I Wouldn’t Want To Be Your Friend.

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If she offers once, she may feel like it will just become expected or an everyday thing and that’s a huge responsibility and it could cause issues in the friendship. She says yes when you ask-which is great. But maybe she just thinks if she offers it will become expected and no one wants to do that. My life is insane as a stay at home mom w twin toddlers and my 11 year old. I’d help a friend when asked-or maybe offer once when I knew she was in a jam, but not make it seem like oh hey anytime girl bc alot of ppl would take advantage of that and expect it. Go easy on her. When you ask she could make up a bs excuse but she doesn’t and she says yes. Not everyone is the same -if roles were reversed and you’d offer, you’re just a different personality. If it bothers you, you could just bring it up to her and say hey I’m struggling here you think you could help out once a week or something and set a boundary so it’s not over stepped and expected all the time I’m sure she’d be happy to help.

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Girl stop. :disguised_face: if you have never mentioned it, why should she?

Maybe your kid is a handful. I can’t imagine why that would be a possibility…

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This is the most ego self entitled post I’ve ever read in my entire life. Your friend doesn’t owe you jack shit! Including baby sitting your kid. I pray that girl comes to her senses and realizes what a toxic human being you are!!

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Suck it up. That’s not her responsibility.

Do me a favor and read your post back to yourself and tell me how you would respond if you were scrolling and read this. You sound so entitled and you’re using your friendship to benefit you.

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You’re awfully entitled; just because your friend is a stay at home mom doesn’t mean she’s obligated to help with YOUR kid. Grow up.

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Uh. No matter how close of friends you are it’s not her responsibility to watch your child. She didn’t pop it out, not her problem. The entitlement here is insane. :woozy_face::skull_and_crossbones::clown_face:

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Ask her…that’s how you’d know if she could or couldn’t help out😊instead of assuming she doesn’t wanna help.
Then you can stop going over nonsense in you’re head and know truths

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Have u ever offered the babysitting job to ur neighbour? Don’t be offened if ur never put the offer there she might think ur fine if u already have a sitter covered.

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Im actually glad she doesnt offer, seems like youd take advantage of her kindness. Just because you work and she stays at home doesnt mean shes able to do more for you. Being a sahm is so much work and for you to even think that she needs to offer is messed up. And most of the time sahms dont get breaks so why should she add more work to what she has. Trust me i myself only offer every once in a blue moon. But most of the time i need a break myself.Thats why i hardly ever offer. You dont know what ppl are going through.

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Your kid, your responsibility. If your friend offers awesome. If not, oh well sort it out. Geez life is busy enough without having to deal with someone else’s shit kids :unamused: lol.

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I’m going to bed… smh

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Screenshots! Get Your Screenshots! It’s Gonna Be A Dirty Delete! :eyes:

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I had a friend that I would go and get her kids off the bus and have a neighbor get mine cause I couldn’t be in two places at once. She never once offered to help me out. And the one or two times I asked for help she would say ok then back out the day of leaving me to scramble. Im always wiling to help out. We live in awesome neighborhood now where we all help out each other. I am so grateful for my neighbors that have become friends.

This thread didn’t go how you expected hahaha. Raise your own kid and understand your “friend” may have her hands full with her own. Silly.

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Is this real life? LMAO your friend doesn’t owe you anything! She’s not responsible for your child. Why do you think she should offer anything? Because she’s your friend? Do you go out of your way to help her with her kid?? You should def stay in your lane and worry about your child and your responsibilities and not try to push it on others

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If I felt I needed some help, I would ask. But I would make it a 50/50 split so it’s fair on both sides. I would ask if she would like me to take her kids on two days one week and three the next, and if she would be interested in doing the same with your kids. So it would be her kids for example Monday, Tuesday and every 2nd Wednesday. Ask her to take yours on Thursday and Friday and every second Wednesday. If it felt to much to take her kids on, than maybe she too feels the same way. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable that she hasn’t offered, as I am sure she finds her kids are stressful enough to deal with.

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I didn’t even read all of that after she said she doesn’t offer to get her kid on or off the bus I formed my reply… She is not a friend at all she is an associate you’ve know for a long time that is all. Don’t ask her for help with your child and don’t help her if she ever ask. Take care of your children and keep it pushing business as usual.

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I’m like you, I would offer if the shoe was on the other foot but maybe she’s got a lot on her plate as well and adding another responsibility would be too much. I’d rather have someone NOT take care of my child if they weren’t up to it than for them to take my kid and treat him badly because they were overwhelmed. No one is required to care for your kids except you even if they ARE a friend. She has her stuff and you have yours.

Yes, you are overreacting. Just ask the poor lady. How is she supposed to know, maybe she thinks you don’t feel comfortable with her taking care of her kids because you have never asked?? Just my two cents.

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It’s not your neighbours job to take on your kids it’s your job…if you need help you need to ask her bit you have 0 right to resent her… the problem is with you not her… just because she is a stay at home mum does mean she has free time to take your kids.

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I’m speechless. Talk about entitled. Wow

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Have you offered to quit work to help her?
On your days off do you offer to take her kids on so she gets a break?
Do you call off of work to keep her kids when she is sick?
Did you and your husband sit down with her and ask her if she would be ok with helping you’ll raise the kids before you had them?
Did you’ll make her aware of the role she is expected to play in raising your kids before the friendship?

She hasn’t offered because it’s not her daily responsibility. In a pinch that’s what friends are for and she does that. She has her own home to run.

Who sits daily wondering, “how can I take over my neighbors responsibilities today”?

Instead of expecting high unrealistic expectations from your neighbor, ask yourself if you have communicated your high unrealistic expectations to her. Have you ever considered that you have ZERO right to expect a neighbor to design their life around yours? I’ve never heard of the concept of “indentured neighbor”.

Could it be that you are overwhelmed and upset with your own woes that you are unjustly transferring this onto her?

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If you offered to pay her…, ok… !

Girl. What makes you think that because you have close friends, they are supposed to pull some weight (any at all) of your household responsibilities or help you with your life regardless of how simple they may be or not?
One thing I cannot stand is someone looking for help out of people… JUST BECAUSE. I am a stay at home mom and I don’t feel anyone should expect ANYTHING from me regarding their own personal lives. And if they approached me about it- they would not like my response. I’m sure she’d help you on occasion if you asked, but you should NOT expect day to day help from people. Your life is exactly that- YOURS. Handle it.
And idk why— but I get the feeling your kid might be a hassle that I definitely wouldn’t wanna deal with if he’s half as entitled as you are. Smh.

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Closed mouths dont get fed, if u want her to babysit ask her, seems like u want her to offer so your not obligated to pay her, not cool mom

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Do urself and her a favor and stop being her friend… She will be better off for it… No one owes u a single damn thing in this life… Petty much!!! Smdh…

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Have you ever asked her? Maybe start there instead of just jumping to the conclusion that she owes you

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When have you ever helped her out with something? Maybe she is feeling taken advantage of. Do you ever show appreciation for what she does do? Maybe a small gift card or something thoughtful would be nice on occasion.

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Maybe she is busy or likes to sleep in? Maybe she thinks you handle it well and don’t need help. You could always just ask for the help. Personally, I don’t expect my friend to ever watch my kid. Never once asked her and never once expected it from her. Although she’s not a mom, my kid is 7 and she totally could. Just don’t think it’s her job as my friend to baby sit my kid lol

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She in no way is obligated to help you at all sorry

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I help my best friend out all the time and she has only watched my daughter once. I don’t mind because I would give someone the shirt off my back and not everyone is like that. Don’t get mad and don’t lower yourself to her standard because she won’t do the same for you. Just know that’s how she is and either accept it or move on🤷🏻‍♀️ I wish I had a way to fix it for you because it does suck to not have help.

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Omg apparently she not actually aloud to have a life of her own because she’s a stay at home mom that runs around goes to dr appt grocery stores maybe takes care of her parents friends or not who would actually want to add kids on to there schedule on a everyday basis being paid or not I wouldn’t my life is hectic enough much less to watch more kids not just every so often but everyday . Really the nerve

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She probably thinks if you need help you will ask.:woman_shrugging:

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Such selfishness…what happened to neighbors and friends helping each other out. For god sake it’s for 45 minutes AND the children play together. I can understand if shes not there every day to be able to, but dam, not once? No it’s not her job to get your child on and off bus, but dam friends should look out for one another from time to time, not daily I mean wow daily would be a hella commitment, but…a decent neighbor and friend would definitely help out here and there, especially in a pickle, however, she probably feels like if you need her you should ask, but then again for her to back out and leave you scrambling last minute sucks too. My thoughts are shes unwillingly and unreliable so you definitely dont want anyone like that watching your child.

Ummm wow aren’t you feeling entitled! I’m the one to offer to help everyone else too but I never would ever be upset cuz others don’t offer. Here’s the thing, my kids were NEVER cared for by others because my oldest has special needs. But nobody ever offered to watch my other son either. Not once and my youngest is 14. I practically raised my neice for 2 years. Her mom only took care of her on her days off of work and I was 17 and pregnant. But she never watched my youngest son (they were too scared to care for my oldest) until he was old enough to take care of themselves and never offered but I’m not offended in the least. I never expect others to help with my kids even if I do help with theirs. Ever. They are your kids and aren’t anyone’s responsibility but yours and your husband. At 17 I did it without ANY help and didn’t expect any even if I know my mom would’ve helped if I asked. Never depend on others when it comes to your kids. That’s all your responsibility nobody else’s.

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Entitled much? Have you offered to babysit for her once in a while? Being a SAHM is hard work. She is in no way obligated to help you. Offer to babysit, make a meal, take all the kids to the park. You know give her a break then maybe she will offer to help you.

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This sounds like you expect your friend to make your life easier just coz you “think” you would if u were her. Your situation is yours to work around its no one else’s problem if you need help ask her but don’t ever expect anything from people.

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Its not her responsibility because you are good friends. What kind of friend expects that and then has resentment? People dont read minds. If you wanted to you could have asked her. Maybe she isnt offering because she doesnt want to feel obligated every single day. Maybe she is super busy and can barely handle her kids. If your such good friends you would have had no problem being open from the start and asking her if she could but also say no worries if you cannot. We all have struggles but to put that on someone else isnt fair. And then to be resentful is selfish.

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I say it’s time to grow up. That’s some childish and selfish crap.

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You sound like a big ass cry baby

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I can’t read over your entitlement and expectations. Lady get a grip. Instead of expecting this why don’t you have a conversation and communicate and see if it would be something she would be ok with doing some days to help.

She is not obligated to extend and offer help :woman_facepalming:

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Umm… I would say deal with it. Sounds like an insane reason to resent someone. Good luck!

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I agree with all that was said so read it & learn

Why should she??
Have you been neighborly?
Ask her how her day is,invite her over and start a relationship with her.
Your not entitled to anything dear…
Smh.
This post p. Me off…

I gave up a lot to be a stay at home mom. Every mother in my community were working moms. The gall of these women intruding on my time with their children was breathtaking.

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You never know what’s going on in someone else’s life. I’m sure if she could and thought you. Needed help she would offer. Maybe she needs the sleep, feels overwhelmed, doesnt want to take on EXTRA work, maybe mornings are her one time for herself etc. You never know. I wouldn’t be upset about it unless you asked her. But I also woukdnt want to burden a fellow mom like that. You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.

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Don’t expect anything from anyone ever. The end.

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Why not ask her if she would mind babysitting for you? Especially since the kids get along and she’s right next door… you’re entitled to how you feel, but personally, I think you’re being childish about this. You resent your friend because she doesn’t volunteer to babysit for you, I don’t understand it. :woman_shrugging:t2:

My best friend, we lived next door to would absolutely babysit if we were in a pinch and needed help. And I was willing to help her if she needed help. When I went back to work though, of course my first thought was to ask her to help with my kids and she was honest with me. Due to personal matters she wasn’t comfortable committing to babysitting on a regular basis. Maybe your friend has a reason for not offering… Maybe she would babysit for you, but she didn’t think to offer… You won’t know until you TALK TO HER.

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I would never expect someone to offer to watch my kids. Friends or not. You feel resentment and you never even asked her? Have you ever offered to help her in any way, or do you just expect someone to help you because you work and they don’t? Smh

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Your child is not her responsibility! Grow up. The world does not owe you anything. Not once did you mention anything you’ve done for her. Do you even really know what she goes through on a daily basis?

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Entitled much?! Your kids are your responsibility. Don’t want that. Don’t have them. I have two and work out of town and still have it all sorted out. You want it figured out. You’ll figure it out. GROW UP.

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You resent a friend, because you are expecting them to provide a service to you. What kind of crap is that? Just because she is a stay at home mom and your working doesn’t mean she should be expected to pick up the slack for you when your in a bind for your kid regardless of if she has kids too. She has probably never offered because she doesn’t want to become the free for all well I can’t get this figured out expected free back up plan that she knows will likely happen. She probably hasn’t offered because she has seen how often there is an issue with sitters and doesn’t want to get bashed for declining to “help out” if the requests start becoming a regular thing. As a stay at home mom and working mom on both sides through my kids years I’ve seen this type of expectation and abuse of friendship a lot. How about relying on your husband to pick up the slack when in a bind instead of expecting your friend to fix things or offer up help. It also has apparently not occurred to you that even as long term friends she may have other things going on at home medical or otherwise that also prevent her from being able to commit to helping out. It also may not have occurred to you that while being friends you enjoy each other’s company and family’s spend time together; She might not want to deal with your kid because they may not be as much as a joy to be around when your not present. My advice get over yourself. If what she is offering as a friend isn’t good enough and doesn’t meet your expectations then leave the poor women alone and find someone who will bend over backwards and fulfill your every friend wish.

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Is this a April fools joke its your kid not hers and not her responsibility you sound like a damn psycho

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Expectations lead to disappointments. If you’re her friend, speak openly and state your concerns and ask if she’d mind. She may find mornings very overwhelming so doesn’t want to take on extra responsibility. Just ask… the worst she can say is no!

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How about your husband helps you?? It’s his kid too, not hers. Since I had my girls last year, I’ve became a sahm and it’s a lot of work.

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I couldn’t read more than half of this. Offer to pay the lady and maybe she’ll help you. Damn. She didn’t put a baby in you. It’s not her place to have to ask to help take care of your kid. You sound insane.

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GIRL…NO ONE OWES U SHIT :100: YOU MADE UR KID…NOT HER…jus take this post down :person_facepalming: u sound RIDICULOUS

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Personally I would feel the way you are for sure. But you’ve been friends long enough to have an open communication about it without any resentment. Just talk to her.

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U haven’t asked her anything! Why people expect everyone to read mines?

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She isn’t obligated to offer anything of the sort…stop expecting so much , that’s not cool in a friendship. If you need her help, just ask.

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I live next door to my best friend from age 3. We don’t ask each other for help unless we’re in a pinch. Neither of us have issues asking each other tho. Lol

Why don’t you ask her to babysit and pay her instead of whoever it is your paying? If she says no you know her plate is full. If she says yes well problem solved and you can trust your babysitter

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I don’t think you’re going to get the response you were hoping for :rofl:

Ehhh. I hink your overactive a bit. I’ve learned not volunteer for stuff or I my end up over committing. Other times people take advantage of generosity. Its nothing to just bring a conversation up to maybe make an arrangement with her. And I hope you don’t expect for free just because she’s going the same way and that may very well be the issue. That she doesn’t want to.volunteer for free services. Keep in mind she is a stay at home mom.

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This is an example of expectations unmet because they weren’t voiced. Not everyone thinks the same. Maybe she hasn’t offered because she doesn’t want to offend you by overstepping boundaries. Another thing to consider, Maybe 45 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot do you, but adding someone else’s kids, no matter how close you are, in addition to your own everyday is a lot. Maybe she’s in a spot mentally where taking care of her own kids is all she can bear right now. You just never know a persons situation no matter how close you are Our little cul-de-sac is fairly close and we all take turns “hosting” the block or taking the block to the park but I would also never expect them to take my kids or be responsible for them, I chose to have these kids not them.

It sounds like when asked, she’s willing to help, as you’ve stated. I’d be grateful for any help. If it’s that concerning voice your opinion and work through it, otherwise the resentment will grow and end up harming your relationship and subsequently your kids’ relationship, as they’ll be in the middle.

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So if you ask she says yes. But you are offended that she doesn’t offer. Hhhmm, maybe ASK!! Don’t expect someone to just offer shit.

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It’s not her job. If she offers or you ask that’s different. But just because she’s your friend doesn’t mean she HAS to take your kid. And the fact that you’re hinting that because she’s a stay at home mom and you’re not means she must have the 45 minutes to watch him is absurd.

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Your kid is not her responsibility. She doesn’t owe you a thing. Be a mom and take care of your kid. :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

Single moms and dads do this everyday.

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I totally understand feeling hurt and thinking it would just be so easy for her to do and mean so much to you, but maybe mornings are hectic for her, or maybe they are special time for her and her child. Maybe because she made the choice/sacrifice to stay home and they are on one income, and you guys have two, that she isn’t thinking it’s needed to help out in that way, as money can buy that help and you might have more than her. But I’d talk to her about it because you don’t want resentment to build and ruin your friendship even further. I would maybe approach delicately though, as it’s true it’s absolutely not her responsibility and that might make her resent you.
I personally do so much for others and I have to take a step back often when I notice it getting in the way of my own life/family/kids…maybe she is extended in other parts of her life too and doesn’t have much to give?

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Ummmmm… Ummmmmm… Ummmmm…
Yeah, no words for this self entitled crap

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Not once in this rant did you say you are offering help with her kids. You said you ‘would’ if she asked, but you never offer help to her. Your kids are your responsibility and her kids are hers. I’m baffled that you expect her to do your job just because she’s a stay at home mom. I’m a full time stay at home mom as well but I made that choice for my kids, not so I could be the neighborhood babysitter. You’re going to end up ruining a friendship over unrealistic expectations. If anything, ask her (since you said she does babysit when you ask her) and set up a payment for her help. Again, do you offer help with her kids? Just because she’s a stay at home mom doesn’t mean she doesn’t need any help. Maybe she doesn’t offer because you never offer :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Absolutely ridiculous… What kind of friend is she, more like what kind of friend are YOU??? This is messed up in so many ways. Your child is your child! Not her responsibility in any way. Why haven’t you maybe offered her the money you pay the sitter? Why would you expect her to do it for free? Regardless of her living next door or being your friend she doesn’t owe you anything!!

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The entitled attitude of this is absolutely disgusting and you sound like a shitty friend anyways.

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I honestly find this to be super rude, like really? I’ve been the friend on the other end of this and , she didn’t have your kids, you did… just cause its convenient for you doesn’t mean she needs to do anything for you nor do you have a right to be mad… Damm :woman_facepalming:

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She’s not responsible for your child even if you guys are friends. Why should somebody be obligated to take on your responsibility that you created? What you could do is ask her if it’s possible the two of you can come to an arrangment and offer in exchange to pay her money for her help, just as you would pay a sitter. Why should everything be expected to be done free? I understand that’s your friend but sometimes you don’t know a persons situation.

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Your entitlement is showing!
Your children are not her responsibility, whether she’s working 40 hrs at a job, or doing the 2½ jobs she’s doing as a stay at home mom.
You can’t just expect her to take care of your kids just because she’s a close friend. Even if she was family, you still can’t expect her to offer.
Ask nicely, or keep going on as you’ve been doing. Either way, work on getting rid of your entitlement.

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Holy entitlement, Batman!

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They are not her kids though​:joy::joy:. WTF!? Are you being serious?? Friends or Not, Look after your own kids & stop looking for easier options.

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Shes a mom too…so she’s tired. Being a stay at home mom isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I think it’s kind of rude to assume she should watch your kids…

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I stopped at the title.
Your entitlement is showing. The world doesn’t revolve around you. As a single full time working mom who also does school, I would never expect any of my friends to take my kid for me. If I ask, and they aren’t busy and they feel up to it they will in a heart beat, but I don’t expect them to rearrange stuff to take my kiddo, that’s my job. I get it’s hard, but just bc it is convenient for you doesn’t mean it’s okay for someone else. Being a SAHM is like having 2.5 full time jobs, you need a reality check.

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I really hope this was an April Fools day post or else the person asking the question should really tuck their entitled attitude back in.

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LOL what?! Its YOUR kid. I wouldn’t wanna help either. I got my own kids to worry about. This is a April Fools joke right?

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Maybe she is feeling the same way you do because you haven’t asked her if she would mind helping you out

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Um, being your friend doesn’t obligate her to offer to help with your child. You sound kind of entitled and spoiled. She says yes when you ask her despite the fact that even then she owes you nothing, and your panties are in a bunch because she doesn’t just jump to offer to help you out as if that’s her purpose? She has her own kid/s and life to handle. I will say without a doubt if you were my friend and you voiced this issue we would no longer be friends. No one is obligated to live up to YOUR expectations and wants. I do not ever offer to care for other peoples kids, not because I don’t love and care about my friends and their kids, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable to be responsible for someone else’s child so I pretty much never under any circumstances offer and only agree when it’s an absolute emergency. For real, be a better friend and stop thinking your friends owe you their services as your child care.

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And just cause she is a stay at home mom does not mean she has any more extra time on her hands then you do. Stay at home moms work just as much IF NOT MORE than working moms.

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Wait, she’s a stay at home mom so you think that it’s her responsibility to take care of her child and yours. She had yet to preform her obvious duties of taking responsibility for YOUR child and now you’re so mad that you can’t even look at her. Do I have this right?

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Maybe she has her hands full. Im a sahm to 4. If my sil asks if I can watch her grandson I usually do it depending on the time she needs after 7pm its my grown up time n im not watching anyone. Im also an introvert and my own kids can overwhelme me at times so I definitely don’t go around volunteering to keep other ppls kids. Being a sahm can be hard.

You said she helps when you ask so that would be good enough for me. Do you offer to watch her kid?

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I don’t blame her. She has her own family and kids to take care of.

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Holy April fools :flushed: Right?

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Maybe she’s struggling with something you don’t know about. Maybe she just plain doesn’t like your kid. Maybe she doesn’t even like her own kid and can’t imagine taking on another one lol

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It’s really simple, you are definitely overreacting, you’re creating a situation where there is none, at the end of the day, friends or not, it’s not her job to offer to take care of your child for free, just because you guys are friends doesn’t mean that your child would ever be her responsibility, it doesn’t sound like you’ve watched her child for free and you said yourself that if you’re in a jam, she has watched your child so what’s the problem here exactly🤷🏻‍♀️

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She doesn’t owe you anything at all, whatsoever, period. Maybe she gives everything she has taking care of her own child. Maybe she doesn’t want responsibility of someone else’s child. Maybe she’s even waiting for you to ask, or offer to pay her for her time. As a SAHM mom, she might be able to use the extra pocket money. To assume it’s her place to accommodate you is selfish and entitled. You’re a crappy friend for expecting such. :woman_shrugging:

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My neighbor has kids and I don’t even know their names! :roll_eyes: besides the fact that they are your kids and she’s got her own. Have you offered to pay her instead of someone else all the time. If I knew you was paying someone and wanted to watch them for free I sure in the hell wouldn’t volunteer my time or patience. Off to pay her what you pay them. :woman_shrugging:t2: :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t2:

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What I’m gathering from this is that you’re upset that your friend isn’t the same type of person or friend you are. I can understand that. I’m the type of person to bend over backwards for people, go out of my way, put myself out to make someone else happy or to help someone out. When that’s not reciprocated, it can feel like other people don’t care about you. I had to learn that not everyone is the same and she may just not be like you in the fact that she will jump to offer help but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you. I’d talk to her. Sorry for all the negative comments here and hope you can get some resolve :heart:

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You don’t sound like a very good friend.I think that maybe she should reevaluate her friendship with you instead of the other way around.Seriously,this is the most ridiculous thing I have read in awhile.Your kid,your problem.No one else’s.Everyone,including a stay at home mom has their own personal battles as a parent to deal with.Just because you work outside of your home doesn’t make you special.

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Not her circus not her monkeys.

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