I would tell her. She has the right to know. Would you want to know if your man/woman was doing that behind your back. Shit I would. It would hurt but id be grateful that someone told me. If she finds out and finds out yall knew she would be hurting more. Idk that’s just me though.
This won’t be easy on any of you but you have to tell her. She deserves to know the truth about her life and make the decision to continue to try and have a child with this man who has a child with someone else. That’s a huge thing to bring another life into.
I bet this isnt the only time hes ever cheated, and he probably has others gfs than just this one with his child. His wife deserves to know and deserves to choose if she wants to stay or not. You shouldnt trust the friend with the child as she goes for married men.
Tell her. Don’t do what you wouldn’t want to be done to you. Everyone has a right to know the full truth and then they can decide what is best for them, specially if she is planning to bring another human being into the world with this man she needs to know all the truth. Neither her or her future children should later on live with discovering his big fat double life and her knowing friends knew about this and didn’t give her the opportunity to make her on decision. Sorry but your friendship isn’t that important when it’s someone’s life that could be severally affected for ever because it’s easier for all involved to hide the truth.
I would tell her I mean obviously I would want to know and that’s her decision to forgive him or not but I personally would want to know but I at the same time I understand not wanting to break her heart seeing how they’ve been trying to have a baby and now he has one with someone else so I mean either way she’s going to get her heart broken so you might as well tell her
Its sounds like your her friend. And as a friend and woman, you shld tell her. Imagine yourself in her shoes if nothing else makes you want to be honest with her. Wld you not want her to tell you the same,if it were ur husband and not hers?
No body wants to openly welcome drama. But in this case, it needs to be done.
If I were you, being"Lucys" friend too. I wld talk with her make sure she is willing to give you any proof you need. Talk with her abt how to deliver the info. You come up with how u want to approach the situation and tell HER. She deserves to know the truth
- I’d tell the neighbor woman 100%. He cheated while together and not on a break and their sexually active what if he’s with others she needs to get checked…
- I’d probably not be friends with that friend with the daughter. If that baby was made during a break and then the man went back it would be differentish… But your friend is okay with her daughter being a secret, a scandal and embarrassment to half of her DNA… And that she’s still letting him see her and probably still sleeping with him randomly too if shes okay with not saying anything still… How would you feel if this was you. If you were trying for a baby then find out your husband was cheating and got another girl pregnant on fucking purpose and then just kept fake playing house with you…
Hopefully she isn’t lying to you! And making this up about ur neighbors because its really YOUR HUSBAND!?I WOULDNT trust her at all especially because she knew he was married and still slept with him to become pregnant
Well when she finds out and discovers you know the woman, she’ll drop you as a friend for sure.
As someone who’s been cheated on, I’d tell her in a split second and not feel bad for outing him. As much as it hurts to find out, it hurts even more knowing people knew and said nothing.
Maybe pull John aside and let him know your friends with Lucy. And he needs to tell his wife. That way you get what you know off your chest and its his decision from there. It an awful situation and honestly not your place. I WOULD PULL JOHN ASIDE AND SHOW HIM PICS OF LUCY AND HIS CHILD. BE LIKE HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL YOUR WIFE. ITS WRONG.
I’d have to tell her and I’d tell Lucy that either she needed to or you would. I’d make sure I had all the evidence first though to prove I wasn’t lying. No telling how many times that poor woman has been cheated on. That’s devastating
I would say something. I know it’s not your business but dude they’ve been trying for a kid meanwhile “Lucy now has one with him …” her finding out on her own will be so much worse. … especially you all being friends . A good friend would say something
She absolutely needs to know. She’s young enough to cut ties and marry someone else to have a baby with.
Plain and simple, dude-man has 2 choices: He tells his wife the whole truth or I will.
That man would end up hurting not only his wife but any future child they had together PLUS the child he has already fathered though that is likely to happen if he decides not to be involved with the baby. Maybe it’s “not my business” but if she’s my friend, I can’t lie to her.
No woman deserves to be put through this, if you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t allow it to happen to her.
Granted it can cause you issues friendship wise, but no woman deserves to be put on a back burner for a man. He kinda started an entire new life on the side, and she’s not suppose to know? She deserves an honest man that loves her.
Us as woman should 100% understand this. Flip the rolls and put yourself in her shoes. Do what you see fit with that.
No the wife should know. “Lucy” and “Jane” are the ones that deserve the truth and peace. He doesn’t deserve to get away with that. I would hope my
Friend would tell me if they knew that and I didn’t. How awful.
Maybe just bring it to Johns attention… and be like… you need to tell Jane before she finds out and is extremely heart broken… tell him she deserves better then that
I would tell her! Maybe he should be with Lucy and raise his child, let Jane be with someone who deserves her!
If I was “Jane” I would absolutely want to know. She will be hurt at first, but she will thank you later. However, “John” and “Lucy” will probably not want to speak to you anymore. I would do whatever you feel is the right thing to do morally. Everyone’s morals are different.
If the married lady is YOUR friend, then absolutely tell her. I’d be so angry if my friend didn’t.
You’ll lose her if she finds out you knew and didn’t tell anyway so, if it comes back to burn you; At least you did the right thing.
Pop your head back into your door and mind your business on this one . His agreement apparently works well for the baby momma . You’re going to cause the wife way more pain if you tell her . It’s also not your child involved to say what is best . They may have been separated at the time and then decided to work it out . Who knows but nothing of that directly involves you . Don’t be the messenger .
You tell her!! I’d want to know. You break off each friendship. Lucy and John are both snakes. I wouldn’t want friends like that. I’d personally print pics and then have them delivered to Jane. Let her decide how she wants to handle it after tbat
That is a neighbor and relationship you WILL have for MANY years to come. I would give my Friend and ultimatum- SHE NEEDS TO TELL THEM. PERIOD. if they find out otherwise, they will probably be upset and your relationship with them will suffer. And if “Lucy” can’t grow up and respect you as the middle man in this situation then she is not a good friend to you. PERIOD.
Best wishes, honestly as this is a most difficult situation for you.
Please tell Jane. As someone who has tried to get pregnant for a lot longer than we initially hoped, I’d want to know. Why waste all those years with a man who cheats. Also, she needs to know that he is fertile. She deserves to know and be able to see a doctor. Plus, unprotected sex… std’s…. I can’t even imagine. Poor Jane!
Yeah definitely stay out of this one, not your mess to clean up
This is a tough one! Knowing this info would eat me alive if I didn’t tell Jane or convince Lucy that she needs to tell Jane and shed truth on the whole thing.
Should we call Lucy… LUCY or LOOSEY?
I’d ask john to fess up. If he doesn’t agree… cut the relationship. Not your place to tell her. But also, if he tells her… then it’s not on you.
If I had a friend that knew my husband was having an affair and that affair led to a baby but didn’t tell me I’d be just as betrayed by my “friend”. it’ll hurt being told the truth and either way you may lose her because of the husband but I’d rather be confronted with the truth than comforted with lies
I would want to know. If you’re a friend to her too then she deserves to know the truth about who she’s married to
These people are her friends. She’s stuck in the middle now. It’s not just as easy as staying out of it. Idk how I’d handle it, but I feel like the wife needs to now ASAP! This is her life. I’d hope if something like this was happening behind my back that someone would tell me that my life was being wasted. Also, the poor kids deserve to know they have siblings. I’m glad my friends and family are brutally honest with me.
No…this is none of your concern. If Lucy is ok with it for her daughters sake, then let it be.
Show up where lucy is when John is with her
I would collect all necessary info to prove this happened for sure. Maybe even obtain a copy with the birth certificate and his name on it, any and all proof you can. Then I would present it to John and tell him if he doesn’t tell Jane in X amount of days I would be showing her everything. This woman deserves to know. If you do it the right way and have proof that 100% confirms it to show her, I don’t see how she can get mad at you. Let her know you support her no matter what choice she makes with the info you give her and just continue to be a good friend to her. I would be so incredibly hurt if my good friends chose to end our friendship instead of telling me the truth. Also, if she’s trying to get pregnant it’s so important she knows immediately.
I also think when your personally friends then then it becomes your business x You could stay anonymous abd right a letter informing the wife and let her find out herself x
I would want to know so I would tell her. She is only in her 20s. She still has time to decide if she wants to stay or go out and fine someone who deserves to be with her. You may lose all three of your friends over it, but that is a chance I would be willing to take.
Say something. It’s not right to lie to Jane and have everyone but her know about it. Keeping quiet because you might loose a friendship is honestly…selfish. Just like Lucy not saying anything is selfish.
It’s so deceitful!! That wife deserves to know that her husbands a snake and decide for herself wether to carry on the marriage x
I put this all on John. I went through something similar. John needs to be honest with Jane and he may need a nudge and or encouragement to face the music. I had one child and wanted another one. Turns out after being married 22 years my ex was involved with other people and I was the last to know and find out. Turns out my ex didn’t love me for the last ten years of our marriage.
To me my ex was selfish and stole ten years of my life and I could have gone on to have other children. My point I wish I had known sooner…
Jane needs to know. She will find out eventually and if you don’t tell her, it will end the friendship either way. It’s never a fun conversation, but if you are true friends, you need to tell her. Or ask the guy to grow balls and confess himself so you are out of it. Maybe give him the ultimatum. Just my feelings💁♀️ If this poor woman is trying to have a baby with him, she needs to know that she probably shouldn’t.
“we decided not to say anything, as it’s not our place”
You answered yourself.
- Never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Secret arrangements with the couple.
- Don’t fix what ain’t broke. If they’re all happy with the life they’re living, leave it be.
“Don’t ask don’t tell”. It actually can help people’s lives remain happy. Some people prefer it that way. It’s possible that’s what the married couple does.
God that’s a mess. My first thought is I’d mind my business but also as a wife I would want to know if that were me because if he did that with one girl who’s to say he isn’t out there with others and what if she caught something. sad situation all around. If it was before he was married I’d not say anything but if that baby happened during the marriage I think I would tell the wife but bring proof as backup because she might get mad at you instead of her husband. I’ve noticed a lot of females blame the other women even though it’s the husband they should be mad at.
Definitely tell Jane! She deserves to know that! I myself would hate to not know!
Last point. Unless they had a binding contract that he gave up rights to this baby, he can still be sought for child support and all other rights. Just because she verbally said she wouldn’t means nothing. He’s not a smart fella.
His wife wants a baby and has been trying. What a mess.
Sex (and hormones) cause more divorces than money or anything else.
If my friend knows that my husband had a bay with another woman. And she decides to mind her own business instead of letting me know. Our friendship is over. Bcz not only the husband deceived but the friend too…!!!
Tell her and if she is mature enough she will make sustainable decisions instead of creating a Drama… !!!
He was separated from his wife? So maybe John can tell his wife that this happened when they were separated. Hopefully they can all get along and raise the kid.
I for one wouldn’t want any secrets in my marriage, anyone who knows anything better have the guts to come tell me because it’s not fair to me to not know I’m being played for a fool… she needs and deserves to know,now! so she can make the decision on what she wants to do.
I think it depends on how good of friends you really consider Jane and John to be, primarily Jane. Girl code is very clear on this one…. You don’t get to be her friend and not tell her at the same time. Imagine how you would feel in her position. If your her true friend you’d tell her and let her decide what to do about it, hopefully before she gets pregnant again by that cheater. All I know is if your cheating on my friend and I find out it’s most definitely my business. Ever heard the saying “guilty by association”? Your just as guilty as he is if you do and say nothing and remain friends, but if you are close then she will want an explanation as to why the friendship is ending… then you have to lie to cover up for her husband. What type of friend do you wanna be is really the question. I’d never regret having good character, I would regret betraying a good friend. That’s a tough one tho, easier said than done. Either way a friendship and marriage will never be the same. Good luck. I also would really love to know how this ends but that’s the nosey side of me talking lol
I personally would have to say something. The truth sucks sometimes. If you truly care about them you will have their back no matter what. Even if it has to come from you. It’s a hard spot to be in. I was in it once. My friend cheated on her boyfriend basically in front of me. We when got to their house he carried her from the car and asked me why she had grass on her back and I didn’t. I just looked at him and started to tear up. He knew. It was gut wrenching as he was my friend. It broke his heart right in front of me. Him and I are still good friends. They spilt and I haven’t talked to her since. Good luck friend. Have grace and be gentle with them.
Tell her, for sure. Fertility issues are always pushed onto the woman, but a lot of times, its the male’s infertility that’s halting the process. She’s young. She has time to start over and be happy.
Your friend is now officially the mistress, so either her or John better speak up or you should. Wife deserves to know.
Jane will eventually find out. What’s worse is the stab in the back she will get from you as the friend who knew but never said anything. She won’t have anyone’s shoulder to cry on. Be her safe zone and tell her the truth if you care for her. Be careful of Lucy. She is willing to sleep with any married man and your husband could be next!! Best of luck
If you consider Jane a good friend, tell her. Yes, she will be mad at you & deny it, but have proof to back up what u are saying. She will eventually thank you for it. Was in the same situation except we weren’t neighbors
Tell her. Also, your friend is an AH… choose better friends who wouldn’t allow themselves to play a part in the humiliation/detestation of another human being.
Would you want her to tell you if your husband had a baby and affair behind your back?
If you were Jane, would you want to know your husband cheated on you and had a baby knowing you have been trying for one? I would definitely confront John about it first then tell Jane.
You should be prepared to lose all three friendships and fact of the matter it shouldn’t matter. But now that you know you should be prepared that shit will hit the fricking fan. I’m just sorry about the friend that can’t conceive I went through all that trauma. Best of luck your a good friend for telling the truth and not wanting someone being played a fool. And quit trusting your friend she is a mutt.
Listen ive been here i knew that hibbys best friend cheated on his wife my friend so i told her and… Turns out she knew and knows about every one his indescrestions hes fathered 2 out if wed lock kids to one lady and they actually raised one of them she said as long as he pays her money aften so she can soend it whenever shes fine with. I just dont feel friendky towards her and him ugggh i just dont get it. But ive always been a mono girl 1 guy for life.
I would definitely tell my friend because I wouldn’t want her looking stupid and that’s only after I yelled at her husband in front of her so she found out why I was yelling at him and then let her do the rest. She wants to stay with them that’s on her however at least she knows the whole situation. Lucie however is not doing what’s best for her daughter because now her daughter is never going to have a father that’s fully available for her especially if he has another wife and family
Stand up for what’s right. If she’ll allow you to help be apart of her support system with you doing right and letting them know, great, if not it’s not your fault, it’s her choice what to do with her trial. If it were you then you’d want to know. We can’t condone things we feel are wrong, silence is in a sick way, supporting the wrong.
I’d tell. It would kill me to hurt her and haunt me forever but I could never live with that. Especially if she ended up pregnant.
If Jane is truly your friend don’t keep letting her live in a lie of a marriage. Life is too short to waste on crap like that. Clearly John is not your friend anymore. Lucy just wants to do right by her baby, but that also seems like a bad decision on her part to continue with this man. But telling Jane shouldn’t affect Lucy & John’s strange arrangement. It will hurt Jane at first, but help her in the long run. Don’t think that it isn’t ‘your place’ to be the honest one, because who’s place would it be? Her liar of a husband surely won’t tell her. She’ll appreciate your honesty and y’all might be life long friends. Maybe you’ll be friends with her & her future husband, hopefully a more honest man.
What’s Jane’s number? I’ll call her and tell her myself. Leave you out of it and this poor girl can move on with a deserving man. Friendship intact.
Okay, I have been asked this many times over my 60 years. It’s a lose/lose situation. If you tell her, you are always the person who either broke up their marriage, or the one who tried to break it up!
What you do is arrange for her to find out on her own. Manipulate a situation where she “accidentally” sees them or finds out somehow. Then you can be the one to hold her and help her pick up the pieces in the aftermath.
Tell her! If I knew something like this there is no way I couldn’t tell the other person. It’s not your place honestly but someone has to do it and this isn’t just his life it’s Janes life too and she doesn’t deserve to live a lie.
Please tell her for God’s sakes. I mean she is going to stay friends with you guys and you lose the snake of a man as a friend. Who would want to be friends with someone like him anyways. And Lucy is not at fault, she may be mad at you, but she should understand.
If she is your friend I would tell her. She may not get over it and continue the friendship but either way the friendship will forever be changed because of John. I vote tell her. I’ve been in her shoes where everyone knew my BF was cheating except me. I just wish 1 person would have said something. I could have moved on instead of wasting years.
Honestly you’re breaking your friendship with the girl by not telling her. Honestly you really shouldn’t care about the relationship with the guy since she’s such a snake but if you care about your relationship with the girl then you will tell her. It’s not like your friend knew who it was and it’s not like your friend was privy to the whole situation. Mind you your friend day get involved with a married man separated or not we all know what’s complicated. But that girl right now is trying to get pregnant by a man who’s already impregnated someone else by married to her he stepped out on his vow she does not deserve to have her
She needs to know it’s not fair and even it’ll break everything up she has the right to know and moved on with her life and find true happiness instead living in a life full of lies. Plus it’ll affect the kids later on in the future if they find out they have a siblings or even something even worse…
I would tell “Jane” anonymously but have a conversation with Lucy before hand so she knows
I have heard a suggestion to tell the man you know he fathered a child with your friend, and if he doesn’t tell her, you will.
Maybe this is the reason she hasn’t had success in getting pregnant because this is a sign that he is not the one. Clearly. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know?
I wouldn’t bring it to John’s attention. I would invite Jane over and tell her you need to tell her something but you’re afraid it will 1. Absolutely crush her and 2. Ruin your friendship for being the messenger. But you couldn’t go without telling her as she is your friend and would want to know if you were in her shoes.
I wouldn’t get down to the nitty gritty but I would just explain your friend was dating someone and they had a child together. Then you saw a photo of the man she is dating and it is John. The child born is John’s baby.
Be there for her and comfort her.
DUHHH, tell the wife, she does not deserve that… Im still friends with the girl who told me my bf was cheating on me out of all of my “friends” she was the only one who told me the truth… She saved me… Trust me , tell her , she will thank you later 100% oh and tbh it sounds to me like this guy has done it before
How does it go… Your gfs will be there for everything the divorce the breakup the loss… Do what you would want someone to do for you if you were in her shoes and unaware …god forbid he gets her sick … Just something to think about
I’d tell him that you know and ask him what you want to do about it. You’re not gonna do nothing. So he needs to figure out where to go from there.
Lucy and John done fucked up. So now your going to bring this all to light for Jane. Poor poor Jane. Yes Jane should know but John should be the one to tell her. Also Lucy next time before you make a crazy deal with a married man use your brain. Personally I think that decision was very selfish.
I would say something to jane and let her deal with the rest on how she wants to…if you just “cut ties” with her she will think something is wrong with her … Flip it around what if she knew your husband knocked up someone and you found out the she knew about it and didnt tell you …i feel like that is double betrayal …if my friend knew my husband knocked up someone and didnt tell me i would feel like i couldn’t trust knowone…screw the husband and his feelings he did it to himself by choice!!
Did you ever hear the adage Dont shoot the messenger? Theres a reason its said. Id mind my own. Even if and when it comes out later…id take it to my grave. But if youre gonna tell id confront him and say…I know and if you dont tell i will.
You’ve got to speak up. It may be awkward, but his wife absolutely needs to know.
I would say something to Jane that you know and have evidence of John’s affair(s). I would leave out the part about the child until absolutely necessary, but I would implore your friend to come forward. Jane has a right to know that she’s being cheated on.
Say nothing. It does not involve you directly and you could cause a lot of unnecessary drama for you and your husband; especially being neighbors. You don’t want that train wreck. And if/when Jane finds out and asks you why you didn’t tell her, you be straight up and honest and tell her it wasn’t your business or your place to say something because it’s really not. Just stay out of it and casually start distancing yourself from the friendship.
A real friend would tell her and be there for her when she needs to heal from it. Don’t call yourself a friend if you’re only thinking of yourself by not saying something
Jane needs to know, especially before she also ends up pregnant with his kid too. Let her have a choice in the matter like everyone else has been given.
How many other women has he or will he cheat with? Clearly he wasn’t using protection because he intentionally got Lucy pregnant. What if you didn’t tell her and then he brings an incurable STD home to his wife? This is a matter of her physical health, too.
If it was my man and you knew but kept it secret I would feel betrayed. But idk if you’re more friends or more neighbors. Either way the relationship might end because if she stays with him, he wont want to have you around as friends anymore.
Where is the loyalty and trust in so many now a days!
Tell her on a day she has off and he’s not around. Give her all the info and not tell her about the baby til the end. The issue is she won’t hear half of what you say til the baby part and say as well how you were shocked to see the photo and it was him.
The one w the baby don’t care cause some woman think stupidly it will keep a man and it won’t.
My kids father & I were together 2 years then it went down hill the gf prior he will always go back to and she will take him back and brag its so degrading to herself let alone the ones who know her.
I could careless I haven’t seen him in 3 years.
Talk it out w her too about her confronting him don’t just blow his phone up accusing it needs to be face to face to see the reaction maybe ask your friend to if she will wait til u text her to come inside after you ask the wife is she OK w it.
Good luck…don’t do a all get together that’s not a good turn out I beat this girls ass and couldn’t help it.
Jane is your friend and it is unfair for her to not know something so big in her own life while everybody else around her knows. You need to tell her.
i feel like people always shoot the messanger, i think you should jus talk to john, give him an option to come clean to his wife, give him time, tell him if he doesnt come clean, you gonna spill. and why is lucy in a “relationship” with this man, if she doesnt want any financial help from him, then wat will he do for his daughter, she jus using her an excuse, why are women always making things hard for themselves?? wat is he going to teach there kid:roll_eyes:, a special on how to teach on your spouse:person_facepalming:t4:
Lucy isn’t a good friend, the fact that she is knowingly putting you in this position. Also. Jane sounds like a wonderful woman and deserves to know before she has a child with that clown
Tell Jane. She deserves to know. And tell her like you told us. Just be like I have something to say and it’s hard to let you know but here’s the background: my other friend Yada Yada Yada and turns our it’s your husband. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. But I couldn’t know and not say something.
You are always the bad guy when you tell no matter how good your intentions I would maybe tell the husband you know and let give him an ultimatum about telling his wife but don’t be the one to tell her.
I’d stay out of it. I’d let your friend and John worry about it… soooo much drama… if you are truthful and tell her she will hate you regardless
I wouldn’t invite them all over like some suggested. Thats just wrong and would hurt her even worst seeing the baby. A friend would just ask her over, sit her down and tell her. I’d want to know!
Wouldn’t you want to know? I would, but not at dinner in front of everyone because that’s just embarrassing. There are other ways to tell her but as they are all adults, wife has a right to know. There is no happy ending to this.
Personally, I would say something bc it’s what I would have wanted and with her age she has plenty of time to find someone else to have a baby with PLUS if Lucy is preggers then Jane might have an underlying problem preventing pregnancy that she might need/want to address to have children
Invite them all to a bbq and let that sob sweat it out… If Jane wants a baby she’ll be all over Lucy for baby snuggles… And then when she says “aww they just just like mine” and he’s avoiding her like the plague? maybe she’ll put 2&2 together?
I would get rid of Lucy before she asks your hubby for baby number 2?
Tell her. Or better yet, have your friend and the neighbor girl come over to your house and confront her then. I couldn’t be friends with someone knowing this secret. It would be so awkward being around them. Most likely this will damage your friendship with the neighbors but if it ever came up that you knew and didn’t say anything that too would ruin your friendship.
Tell her now. If it isn’t received well then make peace with that, but his wife should know what kind of man he is before she gets pregnant too.
Jane needs know. And Jane is entitled to whatever reaction she happens to have.
With that being said. Switch it around. What if you were Jane and Jane was you? How would you want Jane to handle it?
You deserve to be free of this secret and she deserves to know. Lucy John, well, they deserve whatever they get.
I don’t know that’s so sad for Jane.
And John what a jerk…how can he do that to someone he said those vows and just threw them out and got another girl pregnant but isn’t in the baby’s life… say in the future, his wife does get pregnant with a boy and those two meet… stop kissing your sister… oops sorry Jane I forgot to mention I had a daughter while we were still married hope u can forgive me… you can’t keep lying to Jane’s face she has a right to know… and yeah I would want someone to tell me if my husband ever cheats on me.