QUESTION:
"I have a friend who we have been friends with for 20 plus years met in high school. I’ve left our hometown she hasn’t for the past five years o have watched my friend put on large amounts of weight To where I can tell she’s uncomfortable and embarrassed but would never admit it I haven’t seen her In a year, and she recently sent me a photo of herself, and I was genuinely shocked by how much weight she had put on I’d say 25-30 kilos, a few years ago she had made a comment about being over 120 kilos and with the recent extra weight gain I’m genuinely worried for her health and wondering if I should say something to her it would come from a place of love and concern, but I don’t want to hurt her or upset her or our friendship thanks!!"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"Honestly it’s not really your place or your business on why she put the weight on. If you genuinely care about her act like the weight isn’t an issue and try talking to her more and having that line of communication more open. I’m sure she knows it’s an issue and when she’s ready she will open up to you. Just make sure you provide her a loving, judgment free space for her when she’s ready."
"Believe me girl she knows she’s put on weight. She doesn’t need her friend to tell her. What she needs from you is love and encouragement not criticism.
Talk about your workout routines, your meal preps what you ate. And that will help motivate her to do the same.
Love her anyway."
"She already knows. Trust me. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, in my whole life, and it all piled on in the last year and a half. I know my health is being affected, and I know others can see it and are, as you put it, "genuinely shocked" when they see me. She already knows, dear."
"She knows she's gained weight. Brining it up, even out of concern for her health, will likely bring problems and strain your friendship. She may have health related reasons for the weight gain as well. The best thing you can do is support her and show her you care without bringing her weight into it."
"No. Absolutely not. Coming from you would make it 10x worse. She's definitely not unaware of her weight gain, and you pointing it out would do more harm than good. If you value the friendship, say nothing and let her make her own decisions regarding her health. If she asks, thats one thing, but unsolicited….steer clear."
"Seriously? The only scenario where it would be appropriate for you to say something to her would be if she brought it up to you and asked for suggestions of what she could do, other than that you should really leave it alone."
"I'm in the same boat myself. I know I'm overweight and I have had a bunch of health problems that caused my weight gain. I would be heartbroken if a very good friend commented on it. I've mostly kept my health issues to myself. She may be in a similar boat. Instead of focusing on her weight, ask her to go for a walk."
"As a bigger girl, I can assure you 100% that your friend is absolutely aware that she is putting on weight. Even if you try to say something from a place of love, it's probably going to hurt her feelings. Instead, try having a conversation with her just ask how she's doing ask what's been up in her life don't bring up her weight, she's been in lockdown like the rest of us, possible depression that's come along with it, maybe she's having health concerns, don't bring up her weight."
"If you live near her, invite her to walk with you or such. I’m very overweight, due to medication and medical issues. I want to go walk but don’t have the motivation without help. I would also love for someone to meal prep with me. If you are not in a place where you can help then don’t say anytime her. She knows."
"I personally wouldn't bring it up. She knows. Maybe more so ask about her mental health ask if everything is okay there because sometimes that could be a reason for gaining weight."
"You aren’t her doctor, leave it be. She is the one who lives in her body so you aren’t any more aware of her weight than she already is. Maybe there are health issues contributing, maybe there aren’t but at the end of the day it isn’t any of your business to bring up her weight."
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