Sorry to be blunt, but if hes not having it with you hes having it somewhere else, it wouldnt be a red flag if he wasn’t interested at all until the masturbation part comes into play.
Sounds like what I’m going thought now. We haven’t done nothing I mean nothing in months. We do all the time at first but nothing in months now. He swears it’s him but I don’t believe that.
My ex did this to me toward the end of our marriage. I found out he was cheating on me and I left him quick 
Probably addicticed to masturbating to porn like my ex husband. They lose the ability to function normally in bed.
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There is nothing wrong with his libido if he regularly masturbates. I know it’s hard to hear, but maybe he just isn’t sexually attracted to you anymore. It happens. Maybe he is into someone else. Have a open and honest discussion then make a decision about your life and future.
Couples counseling. This is too deep to try to handle on your own. You need an unbiased person to help find the root cause and explore solutions.
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With my ex it was the other way around. I had had 4 kids in 7 years. Granted, my body took a beating. He would say things like, you used to be so pretty or he was embarrassed to be seen with me. But then he wanted to have sex, which was all about his pleasure. Yea, like I wanted to be naked with him. I tried talking to him. Nothing worked. We’ve been divorced almost 8 years. I’ve never been happier. Have been with a guy for 7 years who loves every inch of me.
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Well he obviously has needs or wouldnt be doing the other. Honestly, how could he not want to be intimate with you? When your with someone, yes we all get tired, and yes we all get stressed, but he should also be concerned about fulfilling your needs too. I think you guys may want to try counseling, or at least open up about what kind of stress hes feeling that makes him feel uninterested. Maybe he has a lot going on and theres something you can do to help take his stress away. Sometimes even giving a massage helps. He is less interested in helping to fulfill your needs if he feels your not interested in fulfilling his. His needs are just as important in a relationship.
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Get a divorce he is not attracted to you
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I blame pornography - the ease of access to it - for this.
I think I’m more of a prude in this area than most (hell, If not the entire population…)
Every so often - sure, what the hell. But like sugar and cokes and anything - too much of something is very bad and that’s scientifically proven with pornography. People - mostly men - become practically dependent enough on it. And eventually, they’re “desensitized” to “regular” sex that isn’t “perfect”, and their hand, too - vagina doesn’t work like a hand. It’s all a “mental” doing.
I dunno for sure if that’s the case with your guy, but I personally believe it’s a problem for many men, due to 1. Their natures and 2. The ease of access and availability of pornography. I dated a guy once that could NOT get off with me even after several hours - cause he was so used to his hand and only his hand would (eventually) work. I mean god damn, man.
This is what I was going through right before I found out he was having online affairs.
Invest in some toys for yourself and him make it fun do it together 
If you’ve talked to him and it hasn’t helped anything but your not quite ready to give up on the relationship just yet, try instigating different things. Start masturbating yourself & let him see or hear you doing it. Turn on a porn or something similar and let him know you are doing it with or without him. I don’t know a single man who would ignore a woman getting herself off. If he shows absolutely no interest then maybe it’s time to have a bigger, harder conversation. I see people commenting that hes not attracted to you, and j think that’s a lil harsh especially since your literally saying your self esteem isnt all that great right now. Try to keep in mind it’s most likely has nothing to do with you & everything to do with him.
Honestly i would be telling him to please you or someone else will…
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If it help relieve stress than he can do it with you
I feel sorry you’re feeling this and shouts to you for reaching out. I’d consider watching Esther Perel on YouTube and reading her book entitled, “Mating in Captivity” 
Stay hopeful! X
Could be Cheating and maybe not but i would keep my Mouth Shut And My Eyes Open just in Case.
Get yourself a new toy or communication between you two 🤷
If he is masturbating every day, his libido is NOT low…
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I am in the same exact relationship.
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He has a sex drive if he’s masterbating…he’s just not into you
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This is not how marriage works. His libido isn’t low. Especially if he’s masturbating. That is the issue and he may be looking at pornography which can also weirdly satisfy men. I would put your foot down and say this has to change, we need counseling or I’m out. If it’s truly his libido which I doubt he can see a doctor for help.
he sounds like he needs help or be gone
It is normal. Say to him that you will go and find a man for you…watch his reaction and you will know
Honestly, it sounds like there is another woman.
This happened to me. I divorced him.
As a guy sometimes we just want alone time nothing against y’all but me and my hand have been kicking it since I was like 12. Sex is a lot of work especially if the guy is doing all the moving during sex. If y’all have been married for awhile just let him get to page 35 on pornhub and he’ll burn himself out and come get some.
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If he can do that its him avoiding you.
Oh Lord. I feel ya’ sister. This was last marriage for 10 years.
Make him a doctor appt to check his hormone levels and try a sex therapist.
He’s not attracted to you
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Girl, buy a bullet… Two can play that game. 
Leave him. Find someone that is into you.
I’ve been through this at the start his hands were all over me, 3 months in, he started masturbating and then I found out he was seeing his ex behind my back, we were even trying for a baby, I showed him the door, I couldn’t have my partner be hands on with his ex, then be all over me, he even compared me to his ex, then every 3 months he would start texting me saying he misses me and he wishes he never cheated on me, I ignored him, he used to put notes through my door while I was at work, I blocked him on my phone I blocked him on my Facebook and he used to make another account to try and get in contact with me, I blocked him again he made another account and I blocked him on that one too
Maybe his testosterone level is off
Girl, he is cheating on you. Leave his ass now.
First off… this is a him problem. It has absolutely nothing to do with you!
Things to consider;
Maybe he’s a closeted homosexual (that does not make him a bad person, it just means maybe it’s his truth that he is not ready to accept)
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His libido isn’t that low if he’d rather beat his meat than feel a woman’s warmth.
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My husband did this and he was cheating…for three years
For better or worse?.. try counselling before you give up please.
Tell him he should consult a doctor
You need to be the aggressor
Yall if he had low t he wouldn’t be jerking off 
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Sounds like a porn addiction to me.
And he could certainly have a p0rn addiction.
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Is it just you or all women:thinking:
Maybe he can go to the doctor and get some help from them
Try the dead bedrooms section in reddit, I see this issue come up ALOT
My bloke has tyroid problems get him doctor get checked hun
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Not sure how this page has so many likes lol.
Oh hell no leave his ass he does want sex just not you not healthy
He’s addicted to pornography.
I got addiction issues anyway but after 10 yrs of marriage my wife left for awhile and I became addicted to porn and even when we got together I couldnt perform with her I dont get why but I found it more satisfying masterbating i found my wife very attractive and loved her unconditionally but she left me cause of the and the fact she found out i was useing agion but my opinion dont give the advice to end the marriage I’d suggest seeking help with addictive behaviors cause I love my wife to this day and admit I got a serious issue
Sleep with someone else 
I went through a similar thing to what’s happening with your husband and turns out I’m asexual. I was a sexual person in the past, but have little to no desire for sexual contact with another person now.
Is he a man of a particular age he may need help, it may be demasculating for him when you want it but his assistant won’t stand to attention…only other thing i can think of is he gay…
One or the other🤷🏾♀️
Throw out husband. Start over. This one sucks
Leave him and don’t look back
Leave his sorry ass and find better.
So me and my husband kinda went through something like this. It got me very flustered, and I finally had him sit down with me one on one (cause of course I’m freakin out and stressed out) we were going through some crazy rough times (active duty air force) and his stress level at work was crazy high. Now mind you he’s an amazing lover, and I never go without in bed and am always highly satisfied. Soooo anyways after really talking to him (he was somewhat embarrassed, but it came down to him being so stressed he didn’t want to engage in intimate time with me, because he was afraid he would fall short and was worried he his head just wouldn’t be in it with his mind always racing. And of course, he didn’t even think that it would have a negative affect on me, cause it did leave me hanging and worried. So after I really and gently expressed what was going through my head with not being intimate, he realized where I was coming from. Surprisingly sex talk especially the talks like this go unsaid because of embarrassment or being ashamed, ooorrr being so stressed it doesn’t even cross said persons mind that they are negatively affecting their partner. And once I knew and understood, it was easier for me to give him his space, and offered if he was okay with it, doing it for him, without him having to worry about pleasing me. Don’t go crazy and have a total freak out until you have a deep and OPEN conversation about it and get to the bottom of it. Happily married 10years, and been a couple for 12. Sometimes its a little more simple then we think. Hang in there!! We don’t know each other personally, but if you need a totally neutral source to talk to, message me anytime!!
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It’s a pornography problem. It destroys.
Look up Tracy’s Dog…you’re welcome
Leave him or ask for an open marriage
Man,am 23 and not a mother but looking forward to be a mum and a wife someday
Y’all make marriage seem like an epindemic.
Some positive vibes from happily married couples?
It’s clearly not his libido if he’s masturbate.
Matthew 6:33
strap him to a chair and masturbate yourself in front of him
Mine had girlfriends…
kick that zero to the side and find you a hero sis or get a might fine dildo or vibrator
Stress can cause low libido and when self pleasing there’s no expectation to please your partner so that may be one reason he masterbates still. You both need to have an open and honest conversation about what’s going on. Tell him you’d like to talk about and plan a time that’s best. At the end of the day this is HIS issue, HIS problem!!! Don’t let it become about you. It is effecting you and maybe you can help him figure out what’s going on but it is HIS to own!
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I am leaving my husband of 16 years due to feeling pressured to have sex then giving in and feeling raped by him all the time for 4 years now. He is the reason we ended up having another kid he pretty much said he wasn’t wearing a condom and that we would be okay well bam I was pg with a child I didn’t want to have. I live my baby and don’t regret him but he was pretty much conceived by force. Now all he is bugging me for is yet again sex he wants to have one last bang b4 i completely leave the house… so my advice is not to force the matter but tell him exactly how u feel and why and make him give u a better answer the it relieves stress cuz that is a shity answer…
I just recently decided to date and have been seeing someone since June 7th I am not use to being rejected and I have a strong sexual attraction to this person he starts then pulls away and i am left hanging all bothered feeling like uter crap… i know its new but these day ppl are having sex on the first date…
He might be dependent on porn
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Get a vibrator and meet your needs girl! Make him feel like the unattractive one. Stop askimg him and take care of yourself
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Honestly, I have the same problem but opposite. I’m the one with a low sex drive but still masterbate. It’s not because I don’t love or want my husband, because I do. It’s for a couple of reasons.
- Taking care of it myself is faster and less work than with a partner.
- My husband doesn’t seem to understand my needs and what it takes to finish me, even though I have tried to explain it/show him.
My suggestion is, try to talk to him about his needs and likes. If he’s not cheating on you, it’s not that he doesn’t want you, so please don’t think that way.
Cheating or porn addiction. Try marriage counseling.
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How about when he wants to masturbate a you have sex instead?? Still relieving stress right?? Seems shady to me.
Counseling and/or testosterone check… OR change up what you doing in bed… offer an evening of only oral sex… take turns finishing each other off… do something surprising and different… maybe hes bored… he may not want to hurt your feelings… ijs… I’ve been married for 10 years and we have our moments…
2 pills a day. Natural sexual healthy.
I’d tell him very clearly that if he doesn’t start to make you feel wanted, you will not be in a sexless marriage. As your husband, it’s his job to make you feel wanted and loved. He either needs to tell you what’s up or go see a Dr. about his libido.
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My goodness these comments… I’d never divorce my husband over lack of sex I haven’t had sex in years… it’s a non issue
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Same boat. I think my s.o has more porno on his phone then pics of his own kids. & It’s not even that it’s porn or anything but when you’ve caught him cheating in the past then the porn has more meaning to it. Like he probably isn’t just looking at porn he’s probably back up to old behaviors. Im literally here just to make sure my kids are taken care of 🤷
Please yourself in front of him with a sex toy of your choice and watch his reaction when you no longer need him
I don’t understand if has low libido hows he jerking it to relieve stress? If he can do that why can’t he have sex with his wife to relieve stress? Doesn’t make sense to me! All men I know rather have sex then take care of themselves. Definitely don’t deserve to feel that way.
Wow. Don’t listen to the negative please.
My boyfriend of 5 years goes through this a lot. We cuddle. We watch movies and joke and almost always in small contact in some small way. While we don’t have sex, we are intimate in the way of closeness. With no sexual touching. I have an extremely high libido. It is much easier to just get off.sometimes its habit. It could be low T. It could be he doesn’t feel attractive enough( yes guys go through that) it could be a million things.
If we a said a woman has desire for sex,finished herself off, and he hubby communicated he felt unwanted. Most of these people giving advice would say he has to just understand.if he loved his wife he would deal since it shouldn’t all be about sex.i am shocked that no sexual desire is a reason to leave. There are so many other ways to express love. Try romantic dates. Try playing games. Try finding intimacy outside sex. I know if i feel like i have to have sex i loose interest. Maybe he feels pressure
If his libido was low he wouldn’t have the need to masturbate. Makes no sense, if my man was not intimate with me but masturbated all the time I would definitely have an issue, especially if we lived together. May be a different story if you do not live together, alot of men and women masturbate daily and if you dont live together that seems normal to me about the masturbation part but when he sees me or if I stayed with him certain days I would expect that intimacy with him.
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Not to be funny, he doesn’t like you. He doesn’t want to have sex with you. I have an extremely stressful job but I still want sex with my wife. I don’t wanna touch myself. So my advice is if you really wanna keep it going take him to a doctor and check it out then relationship counseling but I wouldn’t allow someone to make me feel that low.
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I’ve been through the same. Come to find out my ex had a problem with porn. He would rather watch porn and matsturbate!
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This is what’s wrong with women on these kind of pages. Literally jump straight to telling her to leave him. You’re psychopaths! He doesn’t feel like sex so she has to leave him? Jesus she hasn’t even spoke to him properly, he could be suffering with depression or something. Without having a proper talk there’s no way to know. This is why so many relationships don’t last and kids end up with broken families, because women are straight to “leave him, you can do better hun”
Grow up
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Go buy yourself some toys & keep them where he can see them. If he bitches just tell him if he can’t give dick you will do it yourself!
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Sex is just one, small aspect of a good marriage. If he is good to you in most other ways then you should thank your lucky stars.
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Had a man tell me once that it was easier to just masturbate than to approach a woman for sex, (fear of rejection) After he had done it for so long, he had no stamina for normal sex or oral. He couldn’t last more than a minute so he just kept masturbating. Seems crazy but, actually makes sense. 
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I couldnt stay with somebody who prefers masturbating over intimacy with me. He’s either doing it with me or elsewhere being single. I am also an intimate person and when I feel I am no longer necessary, I will be going elsewhere.
A partner of mine used to prefer himself and though he wasn’t cheating, he was practically dating himself by not acknowledging my needs too. He would say we never had time alone to do it… if he isn’t getting any, neither am I. That either needs to change or somebody in the relationship might end up cheating.
Your guy obviously has libido if he can satisfy himself. The harsh reality in my experience is they are cheating and self pleasuring in thoughts of someone else they are seeing or they aren’t attracted to you anymore thus finding it easier for self completion. It really hurts either way, but you deserve better if talking it through and trying to make it work dont cut it. 
I’ve been there before and it sucks. I really hope it is no big deal for you and it is just a communication problem, but if it becomes more, value yourself and move on to somebody who also values your worth.
He might not care so much about intimacy anymore. I used to love sex a lot but now I dont. I just dont like everything sex entails. I prefer solo. Maybe he’s the same way. I say try talking to him again. Let him know how it hurts your feelings. He should put an effort into pleasing you too. Even if there’s no sex theres other things that can be done. If not then he might actually be addicted to masturbating and may need some type of counseling.
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Low libidos with personal sex are different than masturbating, don’t associate the two.
I had a really hard time with sex with other people for years but when it was just me and I was in control that’s completely different. People who haven’t experienced it wouldn’t understand
If he’s choosing to masturbated over sex with you, he’s not into you anymore and y’all shouldn’t be together. This isn’t normal.
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Oh that’s so hard to deal with. My husband went through that. I never found the cause and it wasn’t his libido. He was watching porn and would rather do that than be intimate with me. His porn addiction almost caused us a divorce. I’m so sorry you’re going through this I really have no advice. I hope things get better for you. 
Is he addicted to porn and masturbation? That can put a halt to intimacy with men.
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Sounds like my ex husband. Would watch porn n materbate all.the time but wouldnt touch me. Left after 10 yrs of that crap plus he was abusive
Sorry to say. Very good chance he’s cheating. From a medical standpoint, if his libido was low. He wouldn’t be masterbating all the time. And not many men turn down sex. Have there been any martial issues? Not to sound rude but men who are with women who demean them can make them feel unmanly. Have you changed in anyway? Was your sex life good before?
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Advice from my husband (who I have been reading the comments to): “have you tried licking his butthole?” Then he proceeded to add “sorry, I thought we were giving shitty advice”
We’re still laughing about that
Why is no one suggesting that he might be Ace/Asexual or that he actually has low libido/low T? This thread has terrible advice, though, most of them do. 