My husband cannot keep a job for more than 6 months. What should I do?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years together 5. We have 4 children from different relationships.

When I first met him he was on workers compensation for almost two years. Once he got off of workers compensation he had multiple jobs which last no more than 6 months. He then went on workers compensation again for a different company for a year and half. He gained employment within a few weeks after getting off of workers compensation which again lasted 6 months.
I have maintained the same job for more than 5 years. It’s a high paying job with good benefits. It is not a easy job but I tough through it. I take care of the child primarily.
We have a massive amount of debt due to building a house. I’ve gotten to the point where I find him unattractive and I’m getting insanely frustrated with all the inconsistencies with employment.
How do I approach him with my concerns without causing a huge fight?
What would you do in my position?

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I would sit down with him & tell him your concerns. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight, but I’m sure he will be upset or defensive but I think communication is important. Especially now because it’s affecting how you see him. He’s a father and a husband, he needs to help you or else what’s really the point of him being there…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband cannot keep a job for more than 6 months. What should I do?

Sorry for your frustration dear. I wonder if it’s a lazy problem or mental illness. Sometimes, if it’s mental illness some have a hard time keeping a job. Have you talked to him about it? Has he ever shown signs of depression etc? Hope everything works out hun.

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Find out why he’s not staying employed. Is he lazy, easily bored, or relying on your good paying job to get through? Both People, whether employed, or not, should carry an equal load.

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He’s lazy not use to working you need straight up let him know and If he don’t change leave him I’ve delt with lazy I let em go!

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He works long enough to collect unemployment :thinking: that man is L.A.Z.Y!

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Is he home with the kids while you work? That in it self saves on child care. If he does stuff around the house that also helps. My husband became disabled at a young age with back problems. I was a nurse and the main breadwinner. But our youngest never had a babysitter as husband was home with him. He alo cooked and did laundry. Even if he was able to work what he made would have all went to child care.

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You should feel some type of way and deserve to be it’s not fair that you are always the responsible one and think about it like this if you for some reason need to take extended time off or lose your job he is not reliable source for you and the kids you can’t rely on him if something like that happens and it’s not ok you need someone to be on the same page if not higher than you, but you definitely need to let him know you will not continue to put up with that.

You married him knowing this was a issue. Had a child with him and built a :house_with_garden:. Now it’s a issue

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Could be mental health or he could just not want to work or hasn’t found what he wants to do, it’s hard tell him he has three options get a job, start disability, or get out he had 90 days to decide or he leaves

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He is a bum leave his lazy ass

I have the same problem but I left his ass cuz I have 5 kids, 2 of which are his and he doesn’t help beyond the $90 a month in support garnished from his wages when he is working. He is lazy and self centered and only cares about himself. His reasoning for not helping out with gifts and such is because “I’m not going to blow money on toys they won’t consistently play with” and then went ahead and blew all his money on himself. Absolutely disgusting human he is and he doesn’t even help with watching the kids while I work. If I’m going to do it on my own, I’m going to be on my own cuz no Dick is good enough to deal with the extreme narcissist he is

I agree that there could be a mental health issue blocking him from finding work he can tolerate enough to hold onto it. Dealing with the public regularly will turn a sane person psychotic. Lol. Perhaps he hasn’t found his career calling. Does he have any hobbies that he could turn into work?

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Sounds like you’re already done with the relationship :confused:

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Sounds like he gets a job long enough to try to have something happen to go on workman’s comp. I’d just talk to him, but upfront and honest without being confrontational or mean. Let him know how you feel.

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You already know what to do :grin:

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I Have to Ask Why do people Go Out building Houses that they can Almost Barely afford , forget him working 6 months at a time Why put yourself further in debt if this is the circumstances ?

My opinion don’t build no house go get a nice size town home with in budget & create a safety net for yourself for when you do decide to leave him , Any who BEST OF LUCK

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It won’t get any easier. If he don’t work you will struggle forever. Leave him. Do better on your own

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Speaking as someone who had a bio dad like this… he won’t change. You’re going to keep getting the short end of the stick.

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Tell him when he becomes a man and can hold a job you will still be in your expensive house girl he doesn’t want to Work!

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I’m currently married to a guy who has the same kind of issues. He can’t keep a job quits after a couple days or weeks or geta fired for reasons that don’t make sense. I have completely fell out of love with him and really just prefer a divorce. He does have mental issues but he won’t get help and it’s really taking a toll on me as I am the only who works and takes care of my kid and the house.

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Run as fast as you can it seems he likes to not work

Lol why would you marry him and blend your families knowing exactly how he is? This isn’t new news :woman_shrugging:

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Been there, divorced it! My ex is 64 now and still the same work pattern. R U N

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Workers comp? That means he has some type of work injury that he hasn’t healed from? If that’s the case you knew before hand he was injured and you are being an ass.

As a lifelong “employer” let me tell you how appealing someone with his “established” pattern of suck is, theres a BIG differance between working and working the system, anyone who hires him iwithout checking his history is cutting there own throat

It is way too late to be worried about a huge fight.
Serious questions and real answers need to happen!!

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A lazy man is not going to support his family. You need to leave

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Girl! Throw that whole damn man away! That one ain’t grown yet! The Bible says if a man don’t work, he don’t eat & I say the same thing! My rule is do not pull up to my table if you ain’t putting nothing on it. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a job somewhere these days so there is NO reason for a grown ass man not to work! McDonald’s is always hiring friendly faces. Forget a fight! Tell his ass to either shape up or ship out & give him a time limit. If he don’t get a job & maintain it, then kick him to the curb. It ain’t going to get any better.

Youre just gonna have to come right out and say how/what you feel. Does he have a skill that he’s good at???

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Yes he is a dead beat

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From personalexperience, every time I’ve seen this, the couple splits.
There is no way to say something without a fight. So, stay as calm as possible, tell him how you feel & contact a divorce lawyer.

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Sell the house and use the money to pay debt. Your the breadwinner it’s your decision. When one gives up their responsibilities one gives up rights too. It sounds to me that you already made a decision and are looking for reassurance. Trust us: he won’t change. I’ve seen it enough times to know

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I’d say talk to him first and then both of you talk to the counselor if you’re wanting to stay married. If you’re not, you’re the one carrying the entire load anyway… Move on. Seems he likes to live off of other people and not necessarily even his own wife.

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He’s not going to change. He’s too comfortable in his lifestyle. He found someone to take care of him and hold up the fort while he drifts. Either get used to it or leave.

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You made your bed, lie in it.

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Maybe he needs some support to find a path towards doing something he really loves.

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Unless you really want to drag around a dead horse for the rest of your life and support a bad example for you kids……RUN!!!

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I personally think why would you start building a house? Like if he can’t keep a job and you know it why would you continue the project? If he doesn’t work; you can’t afford it.

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It’s crazy to me that woman fall out of love with someone just because they don’t bring in an income. :neutral_face: Did you marry him so he can help you with half of the bills? Or because you love each other. He was already like this when you met. This doesn’t seem like something he’s just now doing and it’s irking you.
I’d also consider mental illness, physical health, and things he does at home. Does he clean and care for the kids while he’s on WC?

Like idk, I couldn’t “run” and “leave” my husband because he’s struggling with holding down a job. I’d help him and I’d help him get to the bottom of the reason why. (For us, it’d be his ADHD, but we’ve found ways to help us both with that).

Also, why start building a house if you know he’s not holding down a job, and you can’t afford it?

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Nobody wants to read their spouse is a deadbeat or leave him. Sometimes it’s easy to throw those words out there. I really believe you should sit him down and have a heart to heart talk— truth be told— both of you make up your minds ,what is the best solution for both of you. Constructive conversation is not overrated— there should be no arguments—

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This is what I call a frequent flyer ( in Workers Comp for 15 years) he will always be a claimant. Get out now

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He is useless move 0n it will be better for you long term

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Does he have undiagnosed ADHD? It’s a very common thing to switch jobs a lot with it.

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You knew when you got married

Does he have addiction?

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Get a book from Dave Ramsey. Read it together.

I’m kind of shocked at these comments. This is why so many marriages end in divorce because people aren’t willing to put in the effort. She needs to sit down with him and find the root of the problem. Is he mentally ill? Does he need to go on disability? Like, money isn’t everything and if she falls out of love with him or finds him unattractive because of something like this she shouldn’t have married to begin with. And why go and build a house if you had this problem ?

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Some people are just like that. Maybe he should get his mental health checked out and make sure there’s nothing going on there. You need to understand though that some people just can’t hold jobs for whatever reason. If your attraction to him can be lost over money why tf are you married?

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If you find him unattractive its NOT because of a job. You need to leave and move on.

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Maybe he’s just not happy at those jobs. Seems like he’s bringing in money regardless

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U knew he dint work befor being w him so

U dont need a man for his monwy u need him for love

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Marriage counseling to help y’all communicate, and he sounds depressed :woman_shrugging:t3: take your vows seriously and love him harder, help him through it. Or don’t lol. You have to put your big girl panties on and choose.

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Red flag from the beginning. You probably shouldn’t have married him but what’s done is done. You just gotta tell him and be honest and don’t worry about an argument, deal with it like an adult. Like someone else mentioned, maybe he just needs support in finding what he wants to do. I think a big question too is why can’t he keep a job?

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Workers compensation = payout for Injury. How can he work if he is injured? Mayb he’s in constant pain.

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If there is trouble people are like LEAVE lmao if there is trouble with a child, people are like MELATONIN! Smh Lmao jk

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You should get a new husband :woman_shrugging:t4:

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You’re not going to avoid the fight, because he’s going to feel “attacked” no matter how you mention it. You’re both adults, just come out with it. To me, it sounds like he just doesn’t wanna work. I mean, are his worker’s compensation claims valid? Is he actually hurt or just trying to sit around, doing nothing and collecting a check? If he knows your job pays well, he most likely figures you’ll just handle the bills, and he will continue to think that way unless you address the issue and put your foot down. There are many households where the mom works and the dad doesn’t, but the stay at home parent is the one responsible for the daily home chores… if you’re the one working and paying the bills, while you’re at work, he should be getting the kids up and starting their day. He should be cleaning and doing laundry and grocery shopping. When you get home from work, the two of you split the remaining responsibilities. He cooks dinner, you clean it up. One of you gets the kids bathed and ready for bed while the other picks up the house. It should be the same if you were home all day and he was working. As long as you allow it, it will continue. My ex husband had 14 jobs in 5 years and was still unemployed more than he was employed. I worked 12 hour shifts and still had to take care of the house, the kids and his childish ass. It’s not worth the added mental stress and frustration. Either he steps up or he needs to step out and let you do it on your own.

My husband has similar tendencies. I’ve had 3 jobs in 20 years and I’ve lost count on his. I agree with has he been diagnosed with adhd. I think they tend to lose interest quickly and need a change. My husband started his own business 2 years ago, every couple of weeks he has a new job. It seems to have helped. Ask him what he really wants to do, be supportive but also let him know he has a family to take care of so he has to be responsible.

Stop having children for awhile.

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Just be brutally honest and tell him.

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Should of thought abt that before you said I do.

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People don’t change. It’s up to you to decide if his inability or lack of desire to hold a job is worth leaving.

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The main thing is WHY is he not holding a job? I would encourage him to really think about what he wants to do as far as work and go for it. Does he maybe have a hobby he can turn in to a business? Get to the root of the problem and then work on fixing it together.

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If he were female he would be deemed “a wefare mom”
Looks like you will have to parent and mold yet another full grown child if you want change. Sorry sweetie but your his welfare security. Start by changing his rules for staying.

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And you didn’t see all this when you first got together? Never less got married ???

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Did you marry him for the money and the lifestyle? Yes? No?
Why is this such a huge issue? Workers comp is usually for people with injuries. Why is no one addressing that? He clearly is in pain. Be a wife and talk to your partner instead of judging him and having all these nasty nancy money grabbers come at you telling you to leave and find a new husband. You all forget your vows. In sickness and in health.

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Sounds like he has a pattern and honestly doesn’t want to work. :woman_shrugging: Ask him what he really wants to do instead of finding jobs that pay. Maybe encourage his dreams….
Or kick the dead beat.

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Honestly that just sounds like he has undiagnosed ADHD. One of the main things with ADHD is they get bored easy. So as an adult they hop from job to job cause it no longer interests them anymore. But when they find a job the love it’s number 1 priority above all.

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Comp is usually from injury. Ask yourself if this is why he struggles. Some injuries heal but leave life long pain. Also depression maybe a culprit. Seeing you be the bread winner and feeling down on himself. It’s also possible you have made it easy to be complacent. Maybe he knows you go to work and take care of everything regardless so he only has to put in the minimum.

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(Wouldn’t have started building a house.) Id like to know if he a good father a good husband? What other keeper qualities does he have? Types or jobs he does vs what he likes to do, maybe time for an industry change. Positive suggestions. Non working man is a definite turn off, an injured man id have to acess how injured & how much he physically can do but you knew that before you committed.

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Some things are worth causing a fight over🤷‍♀️

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As long as he finds a new job and is bringing in money who cares? He could be a bum that sits around the house playing games all day.

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I would find a man and not a child! My son who is 16 has held the same job for 8mo now.
You don’t have to tell him that it’s due to his lack of employment unless you want to work it out, just tell him you’re done with the relationship.

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His work ethic does not match yours! How frustrating. He isn’t going to put in more effort if you can always carry him financially and emotionally. Sounds like you were smitten now you’re exhausted from doing everyone’s part. Couple’s therapy could help you guys figure out where to go from here.

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Find a man who can hold a job for 10+ years…

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Sounds like he’s got other issues going on. Why is this page full of manhaters, instead of realizing men go through things as well. If this was a women you’d all feel sorry for her and tell her it’s okay, you’ll figure it out. It’s not your fault… This page is a joke…

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I would file for a divorce. If it were me! I’m mature enough to accept my responsibilities, but evidently he is not. It’s easier for him to travel through life o p m . If you don’t know what that is, it’s other people’s money. Get out if you hat free loaders life now.

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Sit down and find out what’s wrong with your husband. Sounds like a case of depression, mixed with low testosterone. Lately, unhappy single women are so quick to jump up on the soap box and yell “find a new man” when you married him you said “I do” for richer or poorer and in sickness and health. Have you reached out to him at all in a tender caring loving way that only a wife can in order to find out what’s wrong with your husband? If you haven’t get off social media and be a wife not a puppet for angry single women that don’t need no man.

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Please actually have a talk with him and try to find the cause of his lack of interest in work. So many woman on here are going to be quick to tell you to just leave and give up on him. If you want to try to salvage your relationship let him explain his thoughts and feelings.

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Be honest with yourself! What you’ve wrote looks like if you stay with your husband you must be prepared to be the primary bread winner and caretaker while he puts forth the least amount of personal effort, Forever.

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When you first met him he was on workman’s comp and you STILL married him AND built a house with him? And NOW you are bitching?

Maybe he just has some undiagnosed stuff.

I have ADHD and can’t hold down a job long-term either, but I thrive with my multiple businesses. (And I’ve been doing it for 4.5 years.) I just have to constantly keep it fresh by learning more and being more in control over what I do.

Maybe he thinks he HAS to get a regular job because that’s what’s expected of him in society, but there are so many other options.

It’s not likely a work ethic issue. It’s a getting bored issue. Talk to him about ADHD and see what he really enjoys doing.

Also, as someone who was shamed by (many) partners in the past because of this, I’ll encourage you to go into the conversation without judgment. He’s probably already shaming himself enough.

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^^^ this tho! Not everyone is happy with there jobs and it’s okay not to wanna work a job that u literally hate . Maybe he needs to find something he enjoys doing , I mean at least he’s bringing money in and actually working and trying . But def need to have a talk about it .

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I’ve literally been in your position. It will only get worse and you will resent the hell out of him, become annoyed with him laying in bed when you get home from work and will find yourself always frustrated. I began taking medication because I thought I was bipolar due to having horrible mood swings. It hit me one day I wasn’t bipolar at all. I wasn’t in tune with how I was feeling was only when I was around him. It was him. We divorced over a year ago and I am in debt from being married to him for 6 years, but I am in a better place mentally and so glad I’m not tied to him anymore!!

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He doesn’t want to work. If you stay, it will always be you being the breadwinner and all of the responsibility😢

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Why would a woman want a man that won’t work. I’m sorry. No woman should ever take care of a man. I’m a 44 yr old single woman and mom and I refuse to take care of an able bodies man. I’m gonna say this loud for those of you in the back.

STOP NEEDING MEN. WOMEN ARE VERY CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES AND OUR KIDS ALONE. WE DO NOT NEED TO TAKE CARE OF A MAN.

Ok start the “oh I love him…” Bull crap… stop being dependent and learn to be independent.

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Best advice I’ve got in a long time.

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There’s usually a reason personality or mental health wise that they can’t keep a job. You need to see what’s the cause of this. Is he getting fired or quitting?

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You tell him: grow up or get out.

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Go to work yourself when he comes home.

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I would cause a fight and not worry about his feelings… he needs to man up and help take care of “life”. You’re beginning to resent him that’s why you’re finding him less attractive, Don’t let it get to the point that you hate him, fix it now

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My former husband made more on unemployment than I did working. He paid for nothing while working or not. He wanted no children.

If I were in your shoes, and could support the family on my own financially, he’d be gone. Why is it your responsibility to teach him how to be a grown up? I wouldn’t want a dead weight on my hands while trying to maintain life and healthy children. I’d sell the house, get something smaller/more sustainable so I’m not living pay check to pay check. And send him divorce papers in the mail to his parents where he’d be living :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Couples counseling, get a through the holidays. His effort should decide what’s next

Get out, he is using you

Real men, if they are physically able, usually work to support their family. Little boys depend on others to take care of them.
I doubt if he will change.

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He doesn’t want to work.

Dump his ass you deserve better