I’m not good at these games, I’d pay a lawyer to draw up what a separation agreement would look like, and next time he pulled that shit I’d hand it to him. If he couldn’t take that as a joke, I’d make him sign it
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It’s emotional abuse, and that is not a joke!!
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That is cruel and it will continue. Sarcasm is not joking but a way of hurting. I guess you can tell him that the baby is all yours then since you had it and care for it. Counseling is needed quick!
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Gasliggting and putting you at risk… now you have moved in get the property put in both your names. You need legal protection too in case he does something stupid eg gambles home away
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What he is doing is abusive. Those are not jokes and not funny. Do some research in narcissism and go from there. Your eyes are going to be rudely opened very shortly.
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This is just the beginning of abuse and gaslighting its not funny and he shouldn’t do it my ex husband did it all the time and then started to throw stuff in my face even though I work and helped buy our stuff maybe remind him your married and everything is equally yours and you shouldn’t have to ask to buy anything otherwise get out now
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Having him joke about your value as the mother of his child is not a joke. Have him agree to make you 50 percent owner on paper or consultant an attorney and prepare to divorce him. Do it at a time and place of your chosing. You should be equal partners on all legal documents. This is not a partner I would choose . Only stay in a relationship where you are valued. He should want you and your children take care of in the event something happens to him. In many states you would be considered half owner . But you should check with an attorney. If you can’t afford one you might try a woman’s shelter and ask for their advice and help. I think you have a big problem.
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I’d get my name on that house asap. What a rat!
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Hes gaslighting you forsure, id start thinking about going to work, just on the weekends just so you have financial stability cause I for one second wouldn’t stand that, and atleast you can start thinking of a backup plan if things get worse or you can’t take it anymore.
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Next time I would just say what was the funny part… and maybe just refer to your child as just yours and see how he feels I mean you grew it inside you and gave birth to it and you have pretty much just looked after it the whole time he’s been at work… so it’s really just yours right… he probably won’t like it when the shoe is on the other foot…
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When you get married, the law treats your marriage as an equal economic partnership. If your marriage ends, the value of the property you acquired while you were married and the increase in the value of property you brought into your marriage will be divided in half: one half for you and one half for your husband. of course there are some exceptions like marriage agreement/prenup. So he can say whatever he wants. It’s still your house too.
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It’s not longer a joke if you told him it hurts you and he keeps saying it anyway… Also I’ve never heard of being married and the house only going to one person, I’d be carful if his words have deeper meaning
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Look for a job on his off hours. Then you share childcare, share going to work… even better if he works days. He will have dinner, bath, and bed on his own those days. May get a new appreciation for what you do.
He should not joke like that. My other suggestion would be counseling for you. I’d say both, but a person that does that kind of stuff never “needs” counseling. But you can go for yourself to be reminded of respecting yourself and keeping your best self for your baby!
Or, you can joke that is your baby since you grew that baby, and take care of it.
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It’s hard to look at some behavior and admit to yourself that it’s abuse. Maybe no blood or bruises, but it is hurtful, and he knows it hurts you, and he does it anyway. I’d suggest you start to make plans on how you will support yourself and your child, because this won’t get better, and it won’t last forever.
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Stay strong. You are the one that makes the house a home x How much does he pay you for childcare, nursing, washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping, sleeping with him… if he paid you the going rate for each of these, HIS house would soon be repossed! Besides, if you chose to leave with child for your own sanity, the courts would fleece him x
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Congratulations. This is who he is, and you found out in the worst possible way. Yes, he is gaslighting you. No, it won’t get better. Does he say this in public, in front of other people ? He will. He may get physically abusive
as well as verbally abusive.
Been there, done that. Find a counselor and an attorney. And buy yourself something to wear. I am already mad.
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Gaslighting 101 right here, you’re not being sensitive at all! It’s not like you’re dossing about all day, you’re raising a baby and keeping the house and making sure he’s got clean socks of a morning.
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I’m worried about your rights to that house. You should have joint ownership. Consult a lawyer. So many women get taken advantage of Be assertive.
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He is gas lighting you. It is a very deceitful way of treating another person. The joking part is especially the give away. You are telling him the correct words when you say it hurts you. If he doesn’t change, then sometimes it’s better for you and your child to make a change because it won’t stop.
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Divorce him & see how many of the possessions are actually ‘his’ after the courts get through with him… unlike the millions of supportive husbands out there this husband of yours is a flog & needs to be treated accordingly!!!
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My husband has never in 10 years of being together and five years of being a stay at home mom ever called anything his besides his own personal things, never the house, cars, or anything of that nature. If anything he makes sure to emphasize that it is OURS and he is working towards better OUR future by working and going to school. Im sorry to tell you but I think your husband is gaslighting you and being mentally abusive. If that were my situation I would be trying to establish myself so I could get MY own house and “things”. Right now is actually a great opportunity as most places cant get people to stay because of the extra covid benefits for unemployment.
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I would tell him loneliness, laundry, cooking and cleaning will also be all “his” if he doesn’t shut it. Not respectful or kind at all!
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Tell him you will no longer be taking care of the house hold until he starts paying you to take care of “his things”. There was a study done about how much a SAHM would be worth if they were paid and the number was well over the 100,000 thousand a year mark. Do a little petty research and see how much it costs to hire a cleaner, a home chef, a driving service, a nanny ect. Lay it out. If he wants to play this stupid ass game of " Oh WeLl tEcHnIaLlY ThIS iS My sHiT" game you tell him you’ll no longer be taking care of HIS shit without financial compensation. This SHOULD piss you off.
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Go out of town for a week with your friends/other family members, let him take care of everything then when he asks for help tell him it’s his house so he can handle it himself for at least a week.
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Umm yes if he is getting upset that you are upset that is gaslighting!!! You have every rite to be upset and he should respect your feelings more than that!!! Next time you should tell him that!! That it really hurts your feelings and if he respected your feeling he wouldn’t do that to you
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He needs to stop! This is not acceptable. My hubby and I agreed for me to stay home with our kids and he worked. I looked after the house, he got the income. Everytime we would argue, it would always come up with him saying “what money have you brought in” or the most hurtful one is “what have you done all day” implying that I did nothing but sit and watch movies which any SAHM with 3 small kids would know Is practically impossible lol!
Fast forward 10 years and the same thing happening over and over, I went and applied for a job out of spite and got the job! Best thing I could have done! He learned very quickly how much the other half contributes without it being a financial contribution.
He has since apologized many times for how he behaved.
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The time to have the conversation about his comments is not as a reaction to his remark, but when you can calmly put it in perspective. How much does daycare cost in your area? How much does it cost for a housekeeper? X7. How much would a nice meal cost, plus a generous tip, x7. Ask him what he thinks you’re worth? Then if needed, you can educate him on what the going rate is for the different things you do to keep “his” house operating. And also let him know that you’re not only keeping house, but making a home for his family. Would he ever dream of dismissing his mom’s work? Also remind him that by staying home to raise the kids you are giving up opportunities for professional advancement that will impact your lifetime earning potential.
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Im sorry you are being made feel this way. Thats not very nice of him, mayb one time its a joke maybe! But as a fellow SAHM i would be very hurt if my husband “joked” that way. You are also working, i sure u are cooking cleaning and most def around the clock taking care of your child. That counts. Its team work. He should be empowering you bc its not east staying home and “depending on a man”. Im thankful everyday my husband is in no way perfect but while i had a lot! Of anxiety on the decision to stay home and put my career on hold he has been nothing but supportive and treats everything like its ours bc we both work hard in our own way.
Ok a ton of comments so I can’t read them all but if your a stay at home mom start charging! Daycare cleaning cooking laundry! Make a tally! He don’t like it say oh I was joking! You have a full time job in your hands bc if you were both working all the cooking cleaning and laundry should be done by both as for your child (ren) they would b n school or daycare so charge daycare fees!
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Don’t wait until he says these things, have a discussion about it when it hasn’t happened because then you don’t have the risk of him responding ‘joke’ out of defensiveness. Ask him how he’d feel if you gave him uncooked ingredients and dirty clothes as cooked meals and clean laundry are your labour. Explain his statements make you feel less of a partner. ( don’t talk about feeling hurt) and his jokes are only jokes if both sides think they’re funny. If he continues, he’s an immature twit, and the chance that he’s gaslighting increases. Then you have the choices: live with it ( don’t), go to marriage counseling ( find a male therapist, he won’t listen to a female one) or leave.
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I’m triggered. I just got out of a marriage and this was the main issue. He joked about it at first. But many of truths are spoken in jest. It’s disrespectful and ungrateful. You are not being too sensitive. And if he doesn’t mean it (turns out, mine meant it) then he should stop…immediately. But if he’s “joking” like this. He has some belief in this. Find some articles about the worth and sacrifice of women who stay home and take care of the kids and household and send it to him. If he doesn’t stop…go on strike. Not from the kids…stop doing what you do for him until he gets it.
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Point out that his job is 8 hours a day, yours is 24/7. Even if you have to, make him do it for a couple. It’s not easy. Also communicate that it doesn’t feel like a joke. You don’t like it. If he continues, it’s gaslighting. If he stops, he was probably “joking” as he put it. Communication is key. If he attacks you on trying to communicate your feelings then again, it’s gaslighting. Expressing yourself is not offensive. Besides, if worse comes to worse, get a job. Mention that he pointed out that you needed one. But if he truly was joking, telling him you don’t like it should be enough.
Besides, I feel like a job would be a literal break for me and I’m a sthm. I’ve been pushing to get one for “fun.” Parenting is hard work!
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He is not joking , this will only get worse , soon he’ll be belittling you to family , friends even strangers , it then leads to physical abuse ! Of course you will put up with it and stay 40 50years because you ’ love ’ him , best you get out now before the rot sets in and for one reason or another you’re stuck forever in this situation !!
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My life exactly and it didn’t end well. My ex ended up leaving abruptly and I am now unemployable in my career I gave up to be a stay at home Mom. Take care that you don’t end up in the same situation. The comments your husband are making are degrading and he doesn’t appreciate your worth.
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Don’t let him know that your feelings are hurt. That’s what he wants because it makes him feel big, important, the boss of you and everthing else. The more you show your pain, the stronger he gets. Your gonna have to get mad. Take up for yourself with a strong & confident voice and don’t back down. Laugh at him like he does you! Give him a taste of his own medicine. Take care and God Bless you.
Gas lighting to the Max. Experience teaches us this.
If it wasn’t an issue he wouldn’t raise it.
If it ever becomes an issue the law does look at both sides. (Been there done that. Although always worked) .
Best advice trust no one and protect yourself.
If its his house and everything else don’t do nothing. Don’t clean, don’t cook, don’t do the food shop maybe then he will relise how much it effects you x
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We, my man and I, have bought a home. We are not married and at the time I had no credit, so it all went in his name. The only time ‘his’ house comes up is when I let my depression anger get to me. I am still working through trama of my past. I am the one who says it. He always refuses to hear it, and always corrects me. “This is OUR house” and he says it pretty sternly. You need to stand up and not let him do this. You went through nine months of pregnancy and the pain of having your child, which he knows nothing about how it felt, you are strong enough to get him to stop! Your husband, should be a partner not a dictator. No one should ever have to hear this, or anything close to it. Be strong! Be yourself! And know that I have been there and it is a lot easier said than done, but it can be done! You are not alone! From the bottom of my heart, I love you, I am with you!
Time to get out and find someone who appreciates you and treats you like an equal. It’s a toxic situation.
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Sounds like a real asswipe. This is mental abuse! I’d talk about seeing a lawyer to get your name on the deed to the house pronto!
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You should never stop communicating how you feel, never stop calling him out when he is being emotionally abusive, and continue to be a strong woman. He will grow up one day. Until then, ask God to bless and strengthen your marriage and family. Marriage is Sacred, that’s why it’s constantly being attacked and torn apart by forces outside of our understanding. Pray for strength, and I will also pray for you 
My husband is laid off so he’s taking on more of the home duties. Tonight I looked at him and asked if he was ok, he said yeah I think so, I asked if he needed to get out, he had just power washed the whole house. He got a shower after cooking our daughter dinner, then said I need to take you up on that. I gave him a kiss and said be careful.
If your husband doesn’t realize your sacrifice to stay home he isn’t deserving and you should present him with a weekly timesheet. Or go back to work and make him stay home.
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I’m thinking 25 points lower was not very significant. He needs to grow the heck up!
You should be careful, repeatedly making remarks is very juvenile.
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No you’re not too sensitive and you should never have bought a house without you name on it. Next find out what housekeepers, personal chefs and day cares charge per week and present smartbutt with a bill. Add personal shopper to the list.
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Gaslighting you. You are already starting to doubt your feelings and reactions to things he says and does. Eventually you will agree with him and wont even question what he says
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I’d start putting some money aside in case he decides it truly is his house. Be prepared!!
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He’s gaslighting. Find a child care provider and get a quote for 40 hours a week, then tell him to pay you that much and you’ll go halves on bills, or to put your child in daycare so that you can go back to work.
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I was a stay also a SAHM, but everything we bought also had my name on it. Just have to say, there is no way we would have bought our home and have papers with only his name on them. I may not have worked away from home, but people don’t realize if a home and family are taken care of properly, your job is a lot harder than his…period! There used to be an old saying, “a husband works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done”. When you do everything that needs done every single day, that still holds true!
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Its called mental abuse and hes not joking, hes controlling.it wont get better. Trust me. Even if you go to work.
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I’ve never been a woman to sit home and take a handout from anybody. Not even my husband. I have an annuity and if I need to take leave from my job at any time I will make sure that my bills are paid and that I have something to take care of me until I decide to go back to work. Often we get caught up in the “housewife” world. When I go to work I know that when I get paid that I have money going into retirement. I will suggest that you start looking for yourself dependent. Any day your spouse could be in a situation where either he sick or no longer here. I work everyday like it’s just me. When I retire I’ll know that the money that I’m spending is mine and no one can tell me what to do with it.
Assuming yall have been together longer then 2yrs ain’t nothing HIS! 2yrs entitles you to 50% of everything might be good timing for him to be reminded of that
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Tell him if he does it again you’re getting a job and he can pay for daycare. See how funny he thinks it is then 
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Get a job and put the kiddos in child-care. I’ll bet he will change his attitude when he now has to take time off work to tend to sick kids on occasion… because you both have jobs and its a 50/50 split of parenting responsibilities.
I’d be more concerned with under-reacting. This guy is taking key moments in your relationship to take shots at you instead of building a stronger, mutually respectful relationship. Yes, he is gaslighting you. Yes, he is disrespecting you. Yes, he is hurting you, and then denying or doubling down. So sorry, but this isn’t going to end well. If you want confirmation of your assessment of your marriage, please seek counseling. They can’t fix anything for you, but they can affirm your perspective and help you find ways to move forward.
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My girlfriend has been living with me for 11 years, she came home the other day from work and said she saw two feral cats dive under my mobile home…I quickly corrected her and said ‘ours’.
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I would start looking for a job it sounds like he’s not going to see you as equal otherwise. To him you’re just a maid he doesn’t pay. Once he sees how much you do and how much effort he’d have to put in to do the work you do then quit the job or keep it for your independence.
Stop cleaning HIS house. You are a stay at home mum not a cleaner. The way he thinks…you’re a guest in HIS house so be a guest for a while. Clean up after yourself and your baby. Make food for you and your baby. Do your babys and your own laundry. Let see how long it will remain HIS house.
My ex used to do this all the time. It was a way for him to control me and beat me down emotionally and it worked for a long time. Till I left. If you want to stay then tell him it is unacceptable, period. Mean it . Figure out what the consequences you are willing to accept are and stick with it. He is being cruel, do not allow this to continue!!!
My daughter is a stay at home mom. Married, 3 children. It was a mutual decision. And I have NEVER heard anything from my son in law about ‘his car, house etc.’. This man is an ass and needs an attitude adjustment.
Sometimes men can be silly. You can try to find a job, kindergarten, half of driving, cooking, etc share with husband, make him do some routines with child instead of you, help him but leave for this routines by himself, it will make you feel more freedom, handsome, and he will stop telling silly words if you are in love, in family. Or you can start dance, gim etc classes where you can’t bring child but he might be understand that you need it, he will be by himself as routine. My husband is reading for children every night for years and he understand how hard can to be a parent because he was driving them at school. So you can build your relationships without notes and loud mad voices.
Look into creating a business while. Being a sahm and save money to leave his sorry ass and take everything of “his” he sounds like a dick sorry
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End the cycle!
Get paperwork drawn up, stating the house sold in both your names went into buying said new home. You have 50% of it and tell him you want it signed and notarized… he’ll shut up fast
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Old saying; there’s a lot of truth behind a joke. If you can start stashing away money. Never know when you might need it. Prayers for you and your child 
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You have said that you have expressed your feelings towards his “joking”, and it doesn’t seem as if he cares that it hurts your feelings. If he cared about it hurting you, he’d stop. Find a way out, bc it will not stop and it could become more serious.
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My thoughts are: He has an ego need to be the best, biggest, smartest, and you are taking it personally. You agreed to this because you don’t need those things., And the finances worked best for your partnership . Gently remind him you and he are partners in everything as you both agreed to. BUT Understand why he does what he does as mentioned. It is like a hurt in him and the way to help it is to be gentle, smile and agreement. I certainly don’t mean “be a rug” be firm in your own convictions of your love for him and how you can help him. Hope This is understandable to you and Best Wishes and be strong.
Tell him fine, he can have it all… you’ll just file for divorce and he’ll see how much of it is his…it won’t be much. It doesn’t matter if only his name is on the house, when he married you it all became joint property.
You are not being too sensitive; he is being insensitive. Start school & get a degree in something you are interested in & enjoy doing. I did it with 2 little ones at home & a narcissistic abuser who was more awful than anyone you can imagine.
Other suggestion was made-save $$ & keep in a safe place. Never mention it. Do a +cash everytime you grocery shop. Save change. Never spend change, but always get change if all he gives you is cash.
Knowledge-school-is empowering, so us knowing you & your child will not be penniless.
Tape him secretly. Memorize a script & get him agreeing/admitting your reason for his name being used for the home. Do not use your phone for this.
Usually, it’s community property where there’s no prenup. Check your state laws.
You’re going to be just fine. “Hope for the best; PREPARE for the worst.” You have my prayers and best wishes.
Not ok at all. 1. Tell him he has a small penis and is terrible in bed and if he gets upset tell him you were just joking and he is being too sensitive (ok not the most constructive advice but he is just making me so angry for you) 
2. Go for counselling and figure things out if you can 3. Consider getting a job because he has set things up in his favour and if things go wrong it will be so much harder to leave him if his behavior worsens .
Being a mother and wife is the most rewarding but under paid position a woman will ever have. If everything is “his” remind him that if he wants to be the boss he forgot to ay his maid/nanny/chef/laundress/and personal assistant there checks. And tell him his house manager has some complaints about upper management attitude. Now if he can still afford to have an attitude then tell him you need a raise because shoveling bull sh!t is extra.
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I once had my ex (my children’s dad) tell me “I put a roof over our kids head, what have you done?” Because only his name was on the papers. It still stings every time I think about those words. I feel for you, girl.
He’s throwing up all kinds of red flags and warning signals. Always protect yourself and your kids in every way.
Four years of counseling and my ex just continued to escalate the abuse.
I found out the hard way, Just because you both agreed verbally doesn’t mean it won’t use it against you.
Get a job, you’ll feel good about yourself. Share childcare costs with husband. I bet this will force him to look at your value at home .
His house will never be a home because he is a mine guy.You do alot around the house, and take care of a baby, if he had to pay for what you do he would need to get a 2 or 3 job,I always say when they come back with I was joking they mean it and hope by saying they were just joking it will blow over.
I wasn’t even a stay at home mum when I was home for 2 years and my partner has never made a joke like that. It was always our things because he recognised that I was doing things at home he wasn’t. This is not okay. Not only the rude joke but the fact he’s aware it’s hurting you and he’s still telling you that’s your fault. Don’t stoop to his level but have a very frank conversation about how this hurts, his behaviour is unacceptable and that it’s time he recognises your work at home for what it is.
My husband told me that his money was his and my money was his. We lived in my grandmother’s home rent free to keep her company and I was also a SAHM – eventually ventured into daycare to add to the part I was providing by living rent free. He always pointed it – sometimes jokingly – many times not. I lived that way for 22 years – he would move out, but when it got too expensive or the current girlfriend got tired of him, he came back. He finally left for good. He has been remarried for 17 years and she doesn’t let him pull that crap. I would like to say he got a heart, but their fights about other things tell me differently. You decide where you think you are headed.
Lots of people talking about gaslighting and it may be.
My husband made comments like this to me for years. We both work full time. I generally earn more. We have two joint bank accounts, my wage goes into one and pays all the bills, his goes into another and is what we use to live on. Yet for some time whenever it was time to pay for a food shop or a meal, he would comment about how he was expected to pay. It infuriated me and he knew it, because I told him frequently.
We started to hear about how other people managed their money and I told him that If he made that comment one more time we would go to the bank to open a bills account into which we both paid equal amounts (his income can be erratic so this would be the first problem) to cover our outgoings including food, car fuel etc. He hated the idea, so stopped with the comments.
Now I know you are not earning. So maybe first you need to quantify what you actually do and therefore save the family by being the one who does it (how much would daycare cost, an hourly rate for cleaning, laundry, shopping etc, not to mention that he’ll have to do half of all of that if you go back to work)
It might just be the wake up call he needs
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Watch look what you made me do on sbs demand . This is a huge red flag and you never should have the house just in his name you sold your together home I would ask him for your party of the sold house as a runaway nest egg.
Advice speak to your Dr too .Also get your husband help he needs some counciling help he has some very difficult issues.In the meantime see if you can get some part work and get he can be home to look after his child too marriage is suppose to be a partnership give & take.Good Luck
I think tina has a great point. Tell him you have found a job. Make it up. Anything but its on his days off. Leave him with the chores that beed doing, the child and dont come home till supper time when you expect a meal cooked. Do it 2 days in a row for a month. Then see what he has to say.
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A SAHM is supposed to be worth $120,000 last I heard. When you consider all we do. Let him know he doesn’t pay you enough to do all you do. Sounds like the beginning of a controlled relationship. Beware. Find a babysitter and make your own money and when he ask for payment let him know it is his house
I wouldn’t worry about it as if you seperate then the Courts will decide who owns what and whether you work or not isn’t relevant. They take into consideration on who maintains the home on a daily basis and who does what, married is a joint effort not a one sided thing. Stop stressing. Amba N Dale Richards you have nothing to worry about as he would never see you without what you need.
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Not sure where you live, but most states are community property, 1/2 is yours, unless prenup etc. Sounds verbally abusive to me. Take care of yourself. Maybe start your own private savings account. Just a thought.
DANGER - this is not a joking matter. No matter what the cost get your name on the house deed. Get in his face about all this ‘joking’ about money. Start providing ‘bills’ for childcare, meals, laundry, cleaning, etc. ‘It’s bugging me’ as you wrote is your unconscious telling you this is a bad and changes need to be made. I would also check for ‘secret’ bank accounts or investment. Best of Luck.
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Have a friend (of his) tell him that once it might have been a joke, but more than that it is bullying. Or you could tell him that the child(ren) is(are) yours not his since you put more into them than he did and they only have his name for legal affect. Then explain when he gets hurt by his being left out.
Ladies. 30yrs going thru same. One day I am out. No home no retirement and starting over. Beware…there are truths in his supposed jokes. You are not too sensitive…your instincts are telling you things. listen to them
He sounds like hes getting toxic.
It one thing if it actually is a joke every once in a while but a constant “joking” like that and then making you out to be sensitive is not good.
If he wants to keep his family in HIS house then he needs to fix his shit before you leave him.
All joking aside, as someone who professes to love you, if it makes you feel bad it should be the last thing on Earth he would want to do.
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First, get on the deed/title of the house. Then, I’d let him k is he will be paying for daycare so you can work.
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If he’s just joking then he should have no problem Quit Claiming the house into both your names.
As to the rest of it … write down all you do for your household. (Laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, vacuuming, etc.) Then Have him watch the kid on his own for a few days while also completing the tasks on your list and then let him See how much you work.
Not on!
I would stop doing anything around the house that isn’t essential. Don’t do HIS washing, don’t cook HIS meals, leave the house work for a week and see of he can tolerate the mess and having to cook and clean etc for himself.
My husband used to imply our house is untidy because I apparently have stuff everywhere. I remind him of how much I do, including working part time and everything to do with our 2 children and remind him I am happy to stay at home to keep the house tidy if he would prefer! It soon stopped.
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I know the feeling… when I was a SAHM.
I think that some people be to be educated on this. Especially some men.
The control of monetary income can feel very much weighted to belonging more to the person making the income. Mothers work can feel undervalued, and some people just feel it’s our born duty.
Gender roles and the “traditional” separating of household duties, paid work and home non-paid work is a fluon from how our own parents operated within the family. Thete are some more modern households sharing the load fairly out there, but still not many in general I feel.
The fact that he is dismissing your feelings and refusing to stop tells me he is passive-agressive and is most definitely serious. Otherwise he would stop.
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Yeah, this is shit… This is a Passive agressive control tactic. I’ve dealt with it from my ex wife.
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You should jokingly say your married and by the law 1/2 of everything he owns is yours also regardless of whos name its under. By the way if your contributing to the home and relationship and it doesnt matter if its with money or not he shpuld be more respectful of what you do or stop doing, walk away and serve him divorce papers. Theres other nicer MEN out there that will treat you like a queen dont settle for immature boyish nonsense or chauvenistic attitudes. If you have children with him this becomes more important, to leave. Hope he grows up, he seems very juvenile from what youve shared.
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Gaslighting. I’m a SAHM (also a mutual decision) and my husband NEVER speaks to me like that. Everything is ours, not just his. Being a stay at home parent IS work.
He is gaslighting you, and showing all the classic signs of coercive control. Get out while you still can. Your contribution to the family unit is as great as his and if he was not a controller, he would recognise that; but it seems he thinks you are just an unpaid slave and wants you to feel like one. A man who is not controlling and coercive would not make these jokes which are designed to make you question yourself and to make you feel worthless. He will not get better with time and you will not be the magic potion that makes him see your value (and the value of all other women). Get out while you still can.
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Run for the hills love. It’s toxic and gaslighting behaviour. Partners do not do that to one another especially on something that you BOTH agreed to. He sounds like a fukn dick if u ask me. He seems to not give a shit that he hurts u
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That’s not a joke honey, that’s how he really feels. You either have to accept that is how he feels, and either A) continue to stay home and do your thing with raising your child, or B ) get a job and contribute or C) not continue to live that way. People don’t change unless they want to. If you’ve had multiple serious conversations about it and he doesn’t take it seriously then you have your answer about how it will always be. Personally no deserves to be treated that way in a marriage. It takes two to raise a child and a household regardless of who gets up and drives to work; it’s all work. Everyone who earns their place should be treated with respect.
Ask for a quick claim deed then if its just a joke to him on the house. Making it his financial responsibility but giving you property of the house. Id want paperwork drawn up by a lawyer proving its not a joke to make me feel secure in the situation and ensure my safety and the childs. If its just a joke than he should have no issue granting you equal ownership on paper notarized and recorded. I would not remain in the home with a person who felt it was ok to lord ownership of anything over me. That isnt loving and its a blatant show of disrespect for you. He clearly wants to make sure you know your place and that he is in power and control and you are not equal.
This is absolutely not okay. You are not being over sensitive. It is a big deal for you to relinquish the financial control over your life to another person, and you did so because you love and trust him. It’s the same as when it’s a big deal for him to assume full responsibility for someone else’s finances. Like you said, the decision was made together in the best interest of your child and your family. Because I am a stranger and I know very little about you or your husband, I want to avoid making assumptions. That said, someone close to me became a SAHM after their first child together and your stories are eerily similar. These were the first signs her husband showed before becoming alarmingly controlling and I fear where this could lead for you. I am just being wary and you guys could end up being fine, which is my hope for you. Either way, continue to advocate for yourself and voice your concerns. He should respect your boundaries and when you tell him he’s hurting you, even if he’s just joking and didn’t mean anything by it, he should stop.