My husband constantly jokes that everything in our house is his: Advice?

Tell him what you do isnt easy, or free if he continues to act this way you could charge him for everything… If he needs to see your worth in money form so be it! Tell him x amout is what it would cost to have someone do the laundry and thats what he should pay you. .
Because if you were to get a job and hire someone else ro do it they would get paid so why shouldn’t you? And continue carging him for everything till he gets the point…

Then dont do anything in the house. Dont even pick a spoon. His house, his chores. Only clean after yourself, do only your laundry. Do only your cooking. He must stop being too proud as things can change very quick. God can give and his ego will make God take it away. Remind him “God Forbids” if he where to pass on, theres no trailer behind his hearse for his house, for the gift basket and other worldly pleasures. We are born with clinched hands bt die with open hands

I think there’s two possible sides to this… He’s hiding fear of financial insecurities and doesn’t want to talk about it but is being passive aggressive possibly without realizing it… Or he’s a raging narcissist working his was to far worse. Either sit down and talk about possible insecurities or run.

1 Like

If he refuses to treat you as a true partner, maybe you should present him with a bill for house keeping, child care, meal preparation, and everything else you do. Remember, a stay at home mom works her as off!

So are you “jokingly” the only parent to the child? This husband is insane. I work 12 hour shifts…tough shifts at work. And I will say the days I’m at home with the kids are harder than work days. Being a SAHM is NO JOKE…it’s hArd as hell. I hope he sees that.

Your name should be in the house. Nothing would’ve change. Some people have an idea that when you stay at home, it’s fun. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I agree with sending him a bill for “babysitting” housework and so on. But be careful

And this is how it begins. Gaslighting at its finest. Whether you stay home to care for the kid or go out to work there will always be something wrong. When you’re staying at home you arent contributing financially, if you work you arent a good mother. Not treating you like an equal, an inflated sense of self, gaslighting, this is narcissistic abuse and what you are taking about is cognitive dissonance (because of this toxic dynamic there is an intense confusion between the abusive side and the occassional nice side). Please seek therapy with a therapist who gets narcissistic abuse and will help you break this trauma bond and assert yourself.

Sorry to say … been there, I was not a stay at home mom though. My circumstances are of little consequence regardless. If he is saying it … he means it. You have no value to him other than a nanny and maid. I hope you live in a 50/50 state… and I hope you remember your value- cause he will make you feel worthless… the longer you stay, the worse it gets​:cry: you will survive… but it sucks :pensive:

Yeah, that is not good. When a partner continually “jokes” about hurtful things, despite you telling them how it makes you feel, it will usually continue.

1 Like

My ex husband used to “joke” about this too. He threw me out of the house and I was only “allowed” to keep what I had before we were married. I was so gaslighted that I didn’t fight back, I just walked out thanking him for what I was able to get. 6 years later I could slap myself for not seeing the writing on the wall. Something tells me there are other signs of him being in control you did not mention. If it gets to the point that you are considering separation or divorce, consult an attorney immediately. He will tell you, you don’t need one that it can all be done amicably, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM.

1 Like

Very rude !!! Put that baby in daycare and go back to work. Get the deed to the house in your name also.

2 Likes

You need to have marriage counseling or get out. This is why I control all the finances, kept my name, kept my career and have separate money. No one ever will make me feel less than.

1 Like

I am a nurse and take care of all of our 5 childrens’ needs, do all the house work and supported my husband before we were married and he had no job and my husband does this to me all the time! I’ve worked part time over the last 3 years (had 2 babies in this time frame) and hold our health insurance, and all I ever hear is how I barely work and he makes all the money. It’s so extremely frustrating. I refuse to back down; I tell him all the time he wouldn’t be able to “afford me” if he had to pay for all I do. But it definitely takes a toll on you mentally and emotionally.

My ex husband was the same way. And then when we ran into money issues, it was my fault because I never worked. He then made it out to be my choice to stay home and conventionally forgot that it was a mutual situation. He is gaslighting you.

1 Like

He’s gaslighting you. Your feelings are worth something. Add up all the jobs you do as a sahm… house keeper? Chef? Personal assistant? CAre taker? Add up the savings to each of those careers that you are saving your family, I but it way out weighs his income… that is your house. Also the 25 points wouldn’t have affected the mortgage crazily.

Add your name to the house deed!! I know someone who got screwed not having her name on a rental home the couple had and when they got divorced he got all the money for selling the house even though they had been married for 15 years. (He was a narcissist) You probably hate thinking that way but you ultimately have to protect yourself

Harder to stay at home and take care of the kids all day then go to work everyday. Kids are a 24 hour a day job, going to work is 8. I’ve done both.

1 Like

Maybe he is just joking but bottom line is this, if you’ve told him how it makes you feel and he continues to do it - he doesn’t respect you, nor does he respect what you’re doing for your family.

It sounds like you not working is bothering him, when I’m fact you are working. Start charging him for his laundry and other chores you do for him around “his” house then. If it’s not both of yours, you can say you’re an employee/housekeeper and all housekeepers get paid a wage to clean and take care of another person’s home.

This isn’t ok at all.
I’m glad that my husband recognizes all I do as a SAHM. You are married. He shouldn’t be saying “It is mine” - he should be saying “It is ours”.

1 Like

FYI your name can and should go on the deed of the house without being on the mortgage. My husband and I just purchased a home and I’m not on the loan but I’m on the title or deed. Since the purchase is completed you just need to go to your local courthouse and they can get your name on it. You need to do this ASAP.

1 Like

In a joking voice my respond would be if we divorce half of everything is mine lol an than say love ya hun just joking. Lol

1 Like

First thing… get your house in your name… second thing… he needs to respect your feelings and you have a right to feel that way. I suggest a conversation about it when it’s not in the moment but the conversation needs to be had again. Tell him we will continue to have this conversation until you get it! I may not earn a paycheck but what I give to this family, our family, is invaluable! Make sure he understands that.

Your not sensitive. Your right. Being a sahm is alot of work You give up everything you do to raise your family. Hardest non-job in the world! If you got paid to do it they couldn’t afford you.

Being a SAHM is a job…And a dam big one at that! Lol You would also be paying for daycare also if it wasnt for you. Its not ok what he is doing. You are married and that means a partnership. Everything you guys have is just as much yours as it is his. I would sit down and talk to him again about it and express how hurt you are and how it needs to stop. Sorry your going through this.

Just because the mortgage is in his name doesn’t mean that you can’t be half owner on the home. I would get your name put on the deed ASAP. This has nothing to do with the mortgage. God forbid something happens to him you will find out very quickly that it is indeed “his house.” Protect yourself.

It’s not ok if he knows it bothers you and continues to do it…how is it a “joke” when HE is the only one enjoying it? He sounds like a petty, self-centered douse bag to me. He should be grateful that you are able to stay home with your child. You need to be careful with that one…he sounds like the type of low life who will try to control everything you do by threatening to take everything away…it might be time to start putting money away and planning an escape.

I am also a SAHM and have been for almost 6 years now. It was also a mutual decision and my husband does the same jokes. But then in the next breath he tells me I’m the one that holds everything together. I finally gave my husband an example one day that stoped his “jokes”. I told him imagine he went to work one day and could never leave. You slept there you vacation there you spent your time with your family and friends there you got sick there and the list goes on and on and you never ever got to leave, that’s my job. The only differences I don’t get paid or working nonstop.

1 Like

My advise - watch him like a damn hawk. Mine is the same way-everything is “his”. When I got put on disability he wanted my check put into his account at the bank! I asked him right in front of the guy at Social Security if he was out of his f***ing mind! I pay my bills, I buy ALL the damn groceries here plus I pay for all birthday and Christmas presents for my grand kids and great grands. When we got our wills made out at the lawyer in our town, we left everything to each other. I’m pretty sure he’s going to die before me, so “His” house will go up for sale that day! And all of his junk will go straight to the garbage too-he already knows it as do all of our neighbors. Don’t let him tear you down, do whatever you have to do, stand up for yourself

I’d take his credit card and go on a shopping spree! Book a spa day!!! Get your hair and nails done. Every month I’d put something aside in a bank account he knows nothing about. Lastly, I’d go back to work. A marriage to a man like that won’t last long. Prepare for the future!

So obviously this arrangement is subconsciously getting to him. Maybe time for counseling. It sounds like a deeper rooted issue, maybe he is upset deep down that you stay home and he has to work. This is a issue after a while for some men. Maybe sit down and reevaluate.

My husband said it once. I was livid. He said it was a joke as well. I have epilepsy and my neurologist was astonished I’m having over 200 small seizures a day. Big ones aren’t daily. I have my own at home business. I can’t work a traditional job right now because of my medical issues but I’m bringing in quite gaining on his work paycheck already.

Okay… “Pro Tip”

Have him unexpectedly get FIRED from his job, you go work full-time and he can stay at home with the kid(s). Then when the mortgage payment is due, say I’m not paying for something that’s NOT mine :wink:

2 Likes

Sometimes jokes are undercover truths that people disguise so they can can avoid conflict. He is using I’m only joking as a way to cover up his feelings. Stay at home moms are a full time job that doesn’t stop at 5pm. He should be happy that a stranger isn’t caring for his baby and saving money.

Honestly. It isn’t good. He is obviously upset about something, and not say anything. But you should get a pt job just for you. From my experience being the only one working, is hard no matter the sercomstane. And go on a Date. Hold hands and just be together. Good luck.

I’d get myself a job , and leave his ass. Let him sell “his” house and take my half of it to help find a place if my own fir me and the child. And fight fir some custody and child support as well. Someone that “loves” you DOES NOT keep doing the same things to you EVEN AFTER you repeatedly tell them that it hurts . LEAVE.

1 Like

I was married for 42 years. My husband and I only had one checking account, we made all decisions together. When we purchased a home, it was in both names. If I wanted to buy something for myself, he was there with me. I also worked the whole time. I think a marriage needs to be “ours”. Good luck maybe it will change.

It’s not great! Not knowing how old your children are it could be possible ( if they are older) to take a small part time job in school hours. Do it for your own independence and call his bluff! The children need not suffer and if your self esteem re finances is improved it will prove whether he is truely narcissistic ( agreeing to you staying at home then jibing) or if he has difficulties coming to terms with being the only one working away from home, jealousy of your relationship with the children etc. Sometimes people make the agreement when the kids are babies but then expect things to evolve as they get older. A full time mum is a busy job but sometimes who you were becomes lost, confidence drops and relationships become more sensitive. My family constantly joke about how little I work away from home, but reap the benefits constantly! My self worth is not damaged as I know I have the right balance for myself and my family :grin: Decide whether it would be best for you to have a little pocket money and for your home life balance to work very limited hours. When you have decided, talk to your husband about your decision and why you feel it is right or not to stay home full time. Some guys are so lacking empathy they don’t twig on!
Make it your best decision for you, kids and relationship. It’s good also for older children also to step up when needed. Get the right balance depends on your circumstances :grin:

1 Like

When someone pushes your buttons and then gets mad your mad it is called reactive abuse.

I’m curious how you determined 25 points would effect your buying a house? The range is 0 to 850. What does 25 do to your average? I would seriously look into getting your name added.

Also what was the difference between your income and what the average nanny in your area ( hypothetical, please don’t answer)? And a house keeper? And take out nightly? In a very not joking manner request pay for your services, and when he tells you your ridiculous, tell him your not joking, and it’s not funny.

1 Like

Your a housewife aka Homemaker like back in the day. Stop doing stuff free. Take care yourself & the baby. No more cooking for him, cleaning, laundry, no more maid service or slave labor. Once he realizes that the partnership is equally as important in duties… maybe he will get a clue. Make just your side of the bed. Put clean linens on your side, vacuum your side of the rooms, wash the table where you sit etc. He will get sick of no clean clothes & towels quickly.
Clean laundry is $5 to wash a load, $2 to dry said load, and $10 to hang & fold it Mr. Jerk.
Prepared meals:
Breakfasts $8 ea
Lunches $12 ea
Dinners $20 ea
Daycare $ 80 per day
etc. Betcha he changes his tune when you stop working for free.

1 Like

How disrespectful and rude he is… SAHM shouldn’t be treated as such… He is gaslighting you and obviously telling it to your face that without him your just nothing,just a plain housewife with no money and a life to begin with… Husbands should always be thankful for their wives for putting all the shits together,especially when it comes to their kids… They shouldn’t make their wives feel less of a person,for being unemployed…

If I were in that situation I’d go back to work. No one will ever tell me they fed me clothed me or housed me.

1 Like

Hmmm I would have a conversation with him stating that jokes are based on 70% truth and if he continues to joke around then you would gladly let him clean his house, wash his clothes, cook his food, and everything else since he wants to make it that everyone looks out for themselves instead of acting like a family. Then you can add how you would gladly go back to work and then he can pay for his kids to go to a baby sitter as well.

I would tell my husband “Okay let’s get a divorce and see if it’s “yours”.
But seriously since telling him that he is being rude isn’t working, every time he says something like that just completely ignore him. If you are in the middle of a conversation and he says it, stop talking to him and walk away. He is being a bully and the best way to stop a bully is by ignoring them. It sounds like he is trying to annoy you and if you don’t react then eventually he will stop.

1 Like

Given that you told him that it is hurtful and disrespectful when you both agreed to this agreement and he continues to do it, there is truth to what he is saying that is in his mind. It is very disrespectful to keep doing it after you explain how it is hurtful.

Putting the house in just his name is a bad idea! Your realtor and loan institution should have known better
Creates too many problems
My neighbor did not know the house they lived in for over 50 years was in her husband’s name only. When he passed away she had to get a lawyer , and spend thousands of dollars and over a year of paper work to get the hoise in her nsme.Another case in point, my nephew who lived with his girlfriend had a daughter together, he was suddenly killed in a accident, the house they shared and bought was in his name it now belonged to the child. Again a lot of paper work and money and it still belonged to the little girl. GET THE HOUSE IN YOUR NAME TOO
A girlfriend divorced her hubby, again house was in his name
She went to court spent alot of money only to have to settle for a meager amount from the sell of the housr.
EVERY THING WE OWN IS IN BOTH OUR NAMES. Don’t do this to yourself, you own everything along with him unless you did a premarital agreement

1 Like

His comments are distasteful. He is gaslighting you 1000% Remind him you put as much work or more than he does into your family and household. Housecleaning, cook, daycare. My husband used to joke too until I told him technically I was worst more than he was after adding avg salaries for all those jobs. I’m also a SAHM, at the end do you want to stay at home? Or just him. If you return to work daycare needs to be split.

Honey, that’s gaslighting.

My husband hasn’t once complained about him working and me staying with our daughter. He supports me in what I do.

If I were you (and I was you… a SAHM for 15 yrs) I would get a job!! Make your own money and start a savings account for yourself! My husband secretly did not like me being home not making any money, even though I was raising our children. Men don’t get it that it’s not fun being a SAHM it’s work!! If you can find a job it would be good for you to get out and earn some of your own money so you can havr what you want and he may stop saying everything is HIS

Welcome to the world of being manipulated & controlled by him & his narcissistic mind games. Been there, done that, he pretends to be joking, but trust me, he means & feels every word!

2 Likes

Ive been a STHM for almost 14yrs and so u can imagine whats in my name :unamused: but my hub doesn’t say its all his. He does make a point to say ‘Ours’ in normal convos but awhile back he did joke that “he pays all the bills and stuff” so i got real serious “you wanna go that route and Ill start charging you for cooking, cleaning, childcare, sex” and let me say its always been “Ours” since, including our joint bank account! My names on that…

If it is his house and you clean it charge his ass a cleaning fee.

3 Likes

50% of what people say when they are “joking” is true, so by making some sort of “joke” about it, they can say how they really feel without feeling vulnerable.

I stayed home and raised four kids. Now I have a chronic illness and can’t work. If the men in your idea can’t make you feel better or comfort you. It’s not worth it

Get a job. Put kids in childcare. Level the playing field. Then talk while showing the bill for childcare. If he still can’t change his tune, leave. Because yes he is absolutely wrong. You’re married and it’s both of you owning that home.

Absolutely not ok. I work part time but I still managed the house, making sure bills are paid and getting the kids to school and back. I wish my husband would… you have to stop him now before he gets to comfortable with his “jokes”.

He is being a tool and I don’t like that. It would be one thing if he did it, you told him you didn’t like it and he stopped but this is different than that :rage:

1 Like

Im gonna say gaslighting.
Our house was in my husbands name for a while because of my credit. Well we recently refinanced and its in both our names.
But before that I’d say it was his house and he’d always correct me and say OUR house.
Its not a joke. He’s being mean.

Sorry he’s being a jerk about it. But it sounds like he’s hinting for you to go to work. As far as the house goes, it’s too late now, but you should have worked on your credit before buying. Start working on it now, build it up and have it refinanced. Or you can be just as petty and remind him, you’ll most likely get custody of the child, therefore, the judge will award you the house and child support and depending on the state you live in, spousal support. Not so funny now, is it?

This is same as my past…stayed home to raise babies and knew she couldn’t afford one income…he started affairs and started treating me unwife like…this isn’t a good feeling seeing you go thru what i did.

Tell him that the baby and all of the decisions based on the baby is YOURS because if he was a SAHD, there wouldn’t be an issue taking part on the babys decisions and the baby would be his too, then say “just joking”.

I’m was a stay at home mom for the first 8 months of my son’s life (he just turned 1). My ex husband would constantly say stuff just like this to me. It was the start of several arguments. He is definitely gaslighting you.

I’d be telling him “jokingly” no sweetheart, we’re married so it is actually mine too!! Throw him some of what he’s “jokingly” throwing you and see how much he likes the joke.

I’ve been a sahm and thankfully mine doesn’t do this but if he did, I’d be all over him with the jokes right back.

I’m in a similar boat. I work but he makes way more and has way better credit. House, cars, everything is in his name and we aren’t married yet. He knows I worry about if he leaves me so he cut the jokes out. You need to sit down with him when he hasn’t been joking and explain how you feel. Not just that you feel disrespected because that can put him on the defensive but actually how it effects you. How much you do. How much you gave up. How much you keep everything running and if all the material
Stuff is HIS YOU PUSHED OUT THE BABY SO THE BABY IS YOURS!

I’m a SAHM! There’s no way in hell I’d live in a house without my name on it. If your credit score is lower, don’t get on the mortgage but you can always have your name added to the deed! In a community property state, it’s your house anyway!

I’d be secretly stashing and the joke would be on him when you leave! :woman_shrugging:t3:

Mine never said a word like this until he got caught cheating. No everything belongs to him and not entitled to any of it. It’s crap. Just because you don’t work outside the home doesn’t mean you aren’t working. You just don’t get paid for all the crap you do. Screw him.

Passive/ aggressive behaviour… blaming you instead of changing the behaviour knowing it ‘ hurts ‘ you. Goes on longer… child gets older… I wouldn’t be putting up with it more then 1 joke. Hurting you isn’t a joke!

1 Like

So I don’t know where you live but when I was married and purchased my home I had to get special permission from my lender to title my house in only my name. It was financed with my credit, using my employment and I wanted to ensure my daughter was protected just in case something happened. Luckily I did, my ex was a narcissist and verbally and mentally abused me for nearly a year (after it got bad) before I realized what was happening.

But my point is you’re married so the house legally belongs to both of you, so unless he went around it somehow you should be included on the title even if you aren’t on the loan. I had to have my ex authorize that I could have him not on the title.

My EX husband did this… So what i did was sent him a " bill"

Basically i wrote up what it would cost for daycare, housekeeper/maid, and a cook. After that it stopped. Being at home and taking care of the kids house and husband is a full time job plus some and some need to be reminded of everything that is done each day even tho ur “just staying home”

Sadly your options are to keep telling him it hurts [which he seems to not care] and suck it up, or get a job… or you could get a job and leave him.

1 Like

Id start writing him bills for all the things you do. Daycare, maid, babysitter, chef, personal assistant for shopping and such. Write it up and hand it to him. These men don’t realize how much we actually do.

My husband does this and it pisses me off. I work full time and do most of the household chores. Then I get bitchy then he says I’m always grumpy…pfft men!

1 Like

Charge him daycare fees for a week! Call around and get actual prices and make him up a bill for childcare and for house work and charge like a restaurant for dinner!

1 Like

Firstly get your name on the property deed.
Make a list of how much you are saving by being a SAHM. Get him to put a portion of that amount saved and also money for.monthly groceries into your account where you have control over the spending and can also save some more money. Also get him to give you a small allowance if he can after expenses, each month to use as you see fit. You will feel a lot more comfortable having the money in your account. Unfortunately sometimes men don’t understand how we are not comfortable with some of their “joking” and it might not all be malicious. Many many years ago when my hubby joked in the same manner I would just respond “well then since you are mine all that is yours is mine too😉”. However we did start with savings in my account and the grocery money so I always had back up money.
If things don’t improve then get a job, even a weekend one so he has to take care of the house and bub in the weekends and gets a taste of what you do all week. Hope things work out for you.

No your not to sensative … it’s actually very demeaning . I would have a conversation to him about it not after he’s said something but a hey let’s talk. Explain to him how would you feel if the tables were turned and I was working and you stayed home and I said that . It makes me feel small and that we only have what we have because of you . And it’s a joke once but the constant bringing it up is control …best of luck .

It sounds like you are going to need a job sooner rather than later. See if he is willing to go to counseling. If not, talk to a lawyer and develop an exit strategy. Good luck sister.

1 Like

I don’t know the guy, but I can tell you my experience with an ex who said things like this to me daily during our relationship.
My ex used to tell my kids and I that everything was his, because he provided it (even if I paid for it), and then he made me quit my job. So, no way for me to make money. And he took the child support card, which was for MY kids, and refused to let me buy them anything without HIS consent. He withheld money and would often refuse to pay bills (like the electric bill) if he was mad at me. That’s how it started. He moved us out to the middle of nowhere knowing I couldn’t drive and wouldn’t allow me to speak to friends or family. Then there was the constant berating me and my kids. Then the punching holes in the walls and throwing/breaking things. Then, he would hit me, jump on me, push me, kick me, break bones.
After that, he started doing things to “inadvertently” hurt my kids.
The final straw was when he put hands on my son. At that point, I didn’t care if he hurt me, I was gonna kill him before I let him hurt my kids.

You most definitely are NOT overreacting and he is not joking. What he is doing is abusive.

2 Likes

That’s not right. My husband refers to everything as “ours”. I’m also a SAHM and the house is solely in his name but he never mentions it. We have a joint bank account also.

Jesus! While I get that the guy is being a bit of a dick, why does everyone jump to divorce? There have been years that my wife made more than me and others where I made more. We don’t blink an eye about it. Any money coming into the house is OURS. Again. I agree the guy shouldn’t be saying that but so many people just think that you should end a marriage over every little thing.

You can get put on the deed to own the house without being on the loan. I would start there and try to get on that so you own the home equally without having to be on the loan. Then I would research the average childcare prices for your child’s age in your area and send him a bill for that each month.

I was a SAHM for 3 years, it was agreed and I did “my job” as a wife. He always said the same thing, “jokely” or course. And when I had enough of it and started working to be “equal” and respected, it started a whole other argument. Eventually we divorced and I was kicked out with $2,000 and my kids cuz that’s all I ever “worked” for. He kept everything else because it was his. He isn’t joking…

1 Like

Go back to work. You gave him all the power. If you think he’s going to change, you are kidding yourself.

1 Like

Just start correcting him when he says that…” well I would like to think I am raising our baby in OUR house…see what he has to say then

First thing put your name on the house lease. Second play his game and see if he likes it. Make jokes about him caring more about work then his child. Joke about him not making enough to spoil you. Then when he gets mad. Tell him it is just a joke. Then maybe he will understand.
And if none of that works go back to work.
Fighting over materialistic things is common especially in the beginning of a relationship. I’ve been married for almost 10 years and it took us a while to get it right.
Good luck.
Please don’t listen to other women when it comes to labeling him. A lot of women who have been through stuff tend to group guys together. Remember they are not therapist.

You are right to feel some way about that. It seems like his slip is showing and it’s very narcissistic which is abusive! If you have told him how you felt and he don’t stop I suggest going back to work whether it’s outside the home or get a stay at home job and secure your bag… don’t nobody have time for the BS… when you’re married it’s supposed to be OURS & if it’s all of a sudden mine stack your bread in an account in case he forgot who you were!

If I were you SAHM. I’ll jokingly replied to his jokes… "oh! I remember this is all yours. So y don’t we jokingly “MOVE ON” on our own… since you keep on "jokingly " express that allof this is “YOURS”. How about that. " then look how he gonna respond. And by then, that’s where you react in a silly and rude manner.

This was how my ex husband was, he has narcissistic personality disorder and this is all gaslighting.
It was also his suggestion for me to stay home with my boys and he complained I didn’t contribute bc it wasn’t financial.

Im really sad for this person but they need counseling or she needs to go. This can even turn to financial abuse.

After I filed for divorce, all the money got transferred out of our shared account and to his secret one, already going to his mistress.

Get your ducks in a row and get legal help. It doesn’t sound good. They want you to feel unsure and unsteady and he’s succeeding.

I see why this would bother you. This isn’t something to joke about. Start invoicing him for making his dinner, doing his laundry, or anything you do for him. Tell him you don’t appreciate him joking about it and it hurts your feelings.

Girl, you get the point yet? Not one single person that I’ve seen has agreed with him. I never had the opportunity to stay at home but I guarantee I know the work that is involved. He’s not “joking” and he’s not funny at all!

Have him add you to the title of the house tell him it is just in case he dies. If he doesn’t want to do that then consult an attorney who can advise you on whether Community property laws apply in the event of a divorce. Best to know where you stand.

Not okay at all. And there is no reason for you not to be on the deed to the house. Actually it is imperative that you are on the deed because otherwise it is a hassle.ifnsomething happens to him. The deed should list you as a co owner and in case of his death you retain full ownership. Do this NOW. Also in the case of a divorce this would give you access to property value in the settlement.

1 Like

NARCISSIST!!! I married and divorced mine after being verbally, emotionally and mentally abused for 12 years (I believed in my vows). If you can… Run!!! Your child will learn the same behaviors and do the exact same thing… (from experience)… RUN!!!

Start saying stuff back well I could have nicer clothes if you made more money, we could have a bigger house if you made more money. Then ask him how that makes him feel.

My husband said everything is mine. Although he knows how much he contributed & works hard. I tell him to stop saying that but he says everything he does is for me, kids… so we laugh it off… no big deal… Gurl everything in that house is yours. Pull up your big gurl underwear & stop being so sensitive. Walk around like you own everything in that mutha :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: & make him see that you don’t gaf what he paid for or what’s in his name it’s still yours. PERIOD!

I hate when men do this. My husband said a few times. Give him a Bill. Child care, maid, cook. Maybe he should be paying you.

The loan could be in his name and the house could be in both names. I was a stay at home mom in the beginning of our marriage and that is how we have had our homes done and cars

If it really bothers you, now you have the house get him to add your name? Surely that wouldnt change the rates? Tbh I’m quite a harsh person and we constantly throw ‘jokes’ in our home, but everyone’s different, confront him when u are both in a fairly good mood and explain how upset it makes you and that it’s one of those things you won’t stand for, if he carries on I don’t know it’s all about what you can take, I don’t know why everyone is calling him a narcissist tho everyone’s so quick to judge :joy:

What I would tell him is… “Oh really? Alright! Then YOU can out our child in daycare with YOUR money and I’ll be sure to get a job and help pay for things around this house.” And if he keeps making a joke about the house thing tell him “alright, then I’ll go get a job, and get my own house with my money and you can keep this one to yourself”

Sorry you have to go through this. This is abuse. Not all domestic abuse is physical. My advice coming from a similar relationship is to get out ASAP