Threaten to go to work. Calculate the cost of childcare, write up a list of HIS household responsibilities when you do go back to work. See how he feels about it all then.
This makes me sad, he’s either insecure with himself and if he’s pulling this off well enough financially or it’s about control and making you feel insecure. I’m so sorry girlfriend. I’d try having a serious heart to heart about your feelings and why he finds it necessary to do this.
I don’t know what state you live in, but in NC it takes 1 to buy…but if you are married it takes 2 to sale. Meaning even though the house is just in his name, he can not do anything with it unless you sign
Tell him to joke all he wants. Tell him that it will be even funnier when you get a job because then he can cook meals, wash dishes, clean laundry, do all the running around, care for the kids, do homework with the kids, do the food shopping. And thats just prob a few of the things that STHM do all by themselves. Tell him its gonna be real funny when he has to work AND then do all the responsibilities of a SAHM. These freaking guys are able to laugh and joke because all they do is go to work. They have 1 job, when we are always working a second shift.
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Give him the bill for him hiring a chef, house keeper, child care services, gardener, prostitute, escort (for when he decides to take you out), councillor, child psychologist, if you have pets pet sitters. Then say since everything is his and you don’t have a job then He better start paying up because if you were at work I mean there is a lot there he would have to pay for. A womans work is never done and we never just have one job.
Both of our names would have went on that house or we wouldnt have gotten a house
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Sister girl, work on your so u don’t have to be under anyone! I know how it feels and never again will any man make me feel like that!! Good luck! I hope it works out
That is a form of gas lightning. He needs to stop or you need to leave period. I got a house with my bf. I had the credit he has the job. Its our home. He doesn’t do that nor do I. Don’t allow the disrespect and I would go back to work. Screw him. Talk to a lawyer and get some advice.
Wow. This is really sick. You are not overly sensitive, and if he’s done it repeatedly after being told (shouldn’t have needed to be told in the first place) then he’s just being an ass. Making you feel bad for being upset by his bad behavior? Definitely gaslighting. Mine and my husband’s house was solely in his name because I was a SAHM (as we had discussed and decided on before our first was born), so I had no income and he could get a better rate. After a several years of these types of interactions, and as I watched his spending become more and more self serving, I did get a job and divorced him. Now the house is solely in my name, I paid it off with my job, and the children are with me. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, because it wasn’t easy. So worth it, though.
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He is gaslighting as a SAHM of 5 years, my husband has never reffered to anything as soley his, even if it technically has only his name on it, its ours. He also never “jokes” about money. He usually gives me money if I say I need more or just deposits it from his business to our personal, that I keep the card too. Never even questions about what im buying. Trust, love, support, he knows my job is just as hard if not harder with 3 littles. Managing bills, appointments, cleaning, cooking, ect ect.
First thing - get your name on that house!
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Start making jokes about how the baby is only yours and how he’s not really a parent… it seems childish, but since you’ve told him how hurtful and disrespectful it is, maybe this is the only way he will get it. I’m sure you have some issues with not being an income earner, and I’m sure he has some issues about not being as involved as a parent. Men for some reason have a hard time considering how things make other people feel even though they feel the same things when they are in the situation.
He is 100% gaslighting you. If he was really joking he would have stopped the first time you told him it upset you. At this point even if it is just a joke you’ve told him the jokes hurt your feelings, as your spouse he should care and avoid doing something that he knows upsets you. I spent 6 years with a guy like this. Refused to take a cent of my money for rent, but made a point to remind me he paid the bills every chance he got. When we fought he was always sorry I was upset but never sorry for being the one who upset me. Aside from the SAHM part this sounds eeriely similar to your situation, and I hope you’re able to find a solution or a way out.
It’s NOT a joke. You’re either partners or youre his hired help. He needs to knock it off. (I stayed home for 12 yrs. My husband never said something like this to me)
Totally not the definition of gaslighting.
Doesn’t mean it isn’t rude. Doesn’t mean that it is respectful of your roll as a stay-at-home mother. Not acceptable behavior.
He should buy himself a new sense of humor.
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You are not to sensitive girl. He needs to stop and respect your role in the house more. Even if he is joking once you’ve told him it really bothers you he would stop if it was only a joke to him.
I’ve been with my fiancé for 2 years, everything is in his name except for my car that I had before him, the only thing he’s ever called HIS is his truck, but we all know why🤣 men🤦♀️ since before we moved in together, everything was OURS
I feel this. We agreed it’d be best with 3 small children, but now I don’t feel it is ok. I recently went back to full time and also a part time and it’s a shame it takes that to feel significant.
if its his house he can clean it i think the jokes the end when you when on strike
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Remind him that you are saving him the expensive cost of day care and making it possible for him to go to work. I agree with Tania Topping, consult with an attorney.
I had my son in January and have been home since. My husband has made several comments like this and I explained to him my feelings. He apologized and said he was joking. I explained that it made me feel insecure because I had always worked and wanted to make sure we were both valued in the home regardless of our job status. He has since stopped making the comments. I feel the comments may truly be your husband joking, however it is not ok to dismiss your feelings. The jokes are not gaslighting but the reaction to your feelings is.
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This is so disrespectful and inappropriate. Partners are equal. Both sacrifice and both gain. TOGETHER. He so needs to stop disrespecting you in this way.
You are not being too sensitive! He should be contributing to your financial and emotional well being, not just paying the bills.
If you can’t tell your husband that he is hurting your feelings and to please stop then there are bigger issues with communication.
I’m not even married and everything is ours. We both work but even if I didn’t or he didn’t it’s ours we each have contributions to our home kids and lives. We are building together regardless of who makes what or who is doing what. He is being a sick. I agree with some of these comments. Especially he one about you own the house but not the mortgage that was a good one.
This sounds like bullying to me. Now that he owns the house, you should be able to put your name on the title. He is setting you up to be tots dependent on him and then there is a possibility abusive behavior begins. Please tell family friends about this. If he doesn’t want to go to counseling, then leaving him might be your best option.
Maybe he is nervous about not being able to have extra cash for you do still do things like shopping. Go back to work part-time or do something from home .
25 points shouldnt have made that big a difference.
Honestly as soon as kids are old enough for school I’d get a job and he can have fun not touching my stuff
Also, start saving money aside now in case he decides later to kick you out of HIS house.
But first, talk to him about it. He may think hes being funny and not realize it’s actually upsetting or hurtful.
Insist your name be put on the house. Make an itemized statement of what you do daily. Show it to him next time he starts that. If you let him get away with treating you that way it will only get worse with time.
He doesnt give a damn about hurting your feelings. Make your decisions with that in mind. Do what is best for you.
Sounds like he’s not like the arrangement anymore & instead of having a conversation like an adult he is passively telling you like the man child he is . 
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I’m a SHM and my husband learned real quick not to joke about owning anything. Since we were married we talk about everything that needs to be purchased, worked on, bills to pay, and our children. He supports us and I take care of everything that needs to be done. On his days off he helps with house work. It boils down to one thing in a great marriage, it’s called COMMUNICATION. If you don’t talk to each other it can be hard.
He is totally gaslighting you! I want you to be aware that this is a form of emotional abuse!!! He is making you feel like you are not good enough and that he can take everything away from you whenever he wants to!! That is not okay for you or your baby! If he is doing it now he will do it continuously!
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“Jokingly “ tell him that’s your baby cause you birthed it and take care it. He sounds resentful. And since it’s “his” house he can clean it. He will see it doesn’t feel so nice, even though you were “just joking”
Narcism at it’s finest… It’s only been a year girl, it gets worse. Get out while you can before ALL your issues, whether financial, emotional, physical, you name it, are all your fault and he’s the victim.
It’s a subject that’s sensitive to you and he should understand that. Some things you can joke about, others you can’t. He needs to respect it.
This is why I trust no men, ever. Except for my brother. There’s always some pride, ego, low self esteem going on. Him making “jokes” like that are a direct reflection of his own insecurities.
What I hear is you are being mentally abused and slowly being made to feel you need him to take care of you because you will have nothing without him. These are classic tactics used by insecure men. If these tactics don’t work to control you, physical abuse will follow. Been there, done that. If he ignores or belittles your feels, get out before it gets worse
Alimony can be lifetime, depending on how long you were married, if you remarry etc. SS will be 1/2 of his if married at least 10 years OR yours…whichever is greater.
You’re a team. Hope he’s just teasing. You can wait til the kids have an annoying number of ball teams, cheer practice. And math tutoring and go back to work and let him deal with it. Maybe a quiet talk at the right time to ask fir more respect. The proof us in the pudding. If you’re doing a good job that will show up in the kids. Generally.
It’s more disrespectful that he doesnt value your feelings and gets mad. He’s basically telling you your feelings dont matter…if my SO makes a joke I dont like he doesnt continue to do it and then say I have no right to get mad about it
You are not being overly sensitive. A joke is a joke for a short time - when it is continually being mentioned that it no longer becomes a joke. I would start looking for a job and when he asked why than tell him that enough is enough with the so-called jokes. Also got to think if the worse happens and you split up - will you be entitled to anything or be left penniless
My car is in my husbands name. But, he says it’s ours. He works & I don’t but still says his money is ours.
This is very disrespectful.
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This is how it started… then he said and I quote “I make the money, learn your place and shut the f up”. No matter how much We talked about it he kept doing it. Then it started to get physical… I left with all the kids. Now he’s lonely, can’t sleep, the house is empty and now he’s sorry. I’d rather start all over from the bottom and struggle for a moment in time then go back to that. We can only take so much they don’t realize how much it hurts I hope it gets better for you.
Well since he says it’s his house and his money,start charging him for cooking, cleaning and child care!
Jokes are only funny if both people are laughing. If it hurts someone then it’s not a joke, it’s being a bully. ESPECIALLY if you have already spoken up and said it’s hurtful rude disrespectful and mean. It should have ended there. Hard stop. Period. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. The fact that he considers it ok to keep going when you have said how you feel is a major red flag. I’d have a serious moment of self questioning if this is really the type of man/behavior I want to spend my life with. If it’s HIS house I’d leave it to him and leave
Don’t let him do that to you. It’s a form a of manipulation whether he is conscious of it or not. Nip that in the bud.
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Once is a joke. If it continues then he’s being a jerk. And he’s putting the blame on you to deflect what he’s doing.
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it sounds like your husband might have some hidden emotions on the fact he has to sustain the household- I would say he has some prideful and territorial issues but you said he is not like that with you for anything else.
It is really difficult that you have expressed how this makes you feel and he seems to be dismissing your emotions. Idk if you express your feelings the moment he is still ‘joking’, if yes, I suggest that you don’t, and instead approach him in a moment he is serious but calm and express then how it makes you feel when he ‘jokes’ and sincerely ask him if
He needs help so you can look for a job.
Also, if he expresses something to you, about something you do or say that hurts his feelings- respect it and consider it 
- not only because it is right but also because you will show him how you need him to treat your emotions- and in that serious calm moment- let him know that how he felt- is exactly how you feel.
I think him dismissing your emotions is his way of not taking responsibility for his actions and also because he doesn’t know how else to show his own emotions on how he feels sustaining the family.
P.S I have a biggg problem of taking ownership over things- it is a horrible habit that I am trying to break- I say my this my that, my bed, my room, my my my- I even tell my siblings my parents. I don’t feel angry or like I actually own this or that- it is more of an expression problem, if that makes sense.
peace and love
Gaslighting. Don’t take that crap - you are on the job 24/7 without a paycheck… either start taking care of just you, and put the cushy comforts on hold that hubby enjoys most with you home… and seek schooling, volunteering or paid position for YOU if he wants to “joke” about it… and he damn well better appreciate all you do. Men can talk a good game; they have no clue how much energy and strength they get from us until you pull the plug, and mean it. You deserve and are entitled to equal respect in the household.
Communication is key. He probably just feels like he’s doing all the work by working a full time job. Most men don’t understand that it’s work to take care of a baby all day too. I would sit down together and make a pros and cons list of you continuing to stay home verses if you were to get a sitter and return to work.
Only took me about 30 years to get my husband to quit that… and I worked!
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I would also insist that he “quit claim” the house to you so that your name is on the deed regardless of whose name is on the mortgage. If you don’t live in a community property state, you could be out of luck if your name isn’t on it. I had an ex who refused to put any cars in my name and I was the only one bringing in a paycheck. We also lived in his childhood home that I was paying the mortgage on, however, I was invited on several occasions to GTF Out of HIS house. When I did, he told me if I took a car, he would have me arrested for stealing it. I left without a car and had to have an “escort” to go back and get my stuff, but I got out. I’m not saying that your husband is this bad, but don’t kid yourself if things go south … make sure you have things in your own name. And he needs to do some research on what the value of a SAHM is! You are contributing an equal portion to the household by raising a child.
Guess you should start billing him for the times you clean “his” house.
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I would sit down and calmly tell him how his comments hurt your feelings.
Also in most states in the country they are 50/50 states. No matter whose name is on the house you are married and half of it is yours. My ex tried to screw me over and put his homes in his wife’s name. It made my month just seeing his face when the courts said it didn’t matter 
Maybe he should pay childcare (to the mom) for HIS kid with HIS money.
I was married to someone like him. He became verbally, emotionally, spiritual abusive. He did turn physically abusive on a few occasions and when I finally found the courage to get out I did.
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Send him a bill for the housework and childcare you do…some men can be cruel and demeaning and don’t recognize that what you do is WORK!
Especially, before your child/ children get older & he manipulates them against you.
I’d start joking about child support, but I’m petty and not in a relationship anymore because as a SAHM I was bullied until I made a plan and got out.
I would tell him to kiss my ass, it’s no longer a joke when you have told him it hurts you and he continually says it!! He means exactly what he’s saying! Sometimes jokes aren’t jokes they are people’s opinions being said as jokes just so they can say them and get away with them. I’d tell him he can stay home you can go to work, or you can get a job too! There is no way I would allow him to keep making me feel as if I was below him, that’s now how relationships work. I’ve been a stay at home mom for years, before I started my Day Care and my husband never did that.
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When people show you who they are believe them.
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I would tell him you want to do a quick claim on the house to have your name also put on it. I would also mention to him how you to are capable of working outside the home.
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Send him a bill for every meal you cooked fro him and another bill for every time you did his laundry, cleaned his bathroom, swept the floors, etc. tell him you’ll take the home as a down payment.
If he continues and does not realize it hurts your feelings, don’t take it.!I have taken it for years and it will never change.
My husband well we are not even married, but as soon as we moved out he gave me access to his line of
Credit and his money and I stayed home with the kids for a while and I went back to work by choice he pays most of the bills and I decided to take over some of the expenses to help out is all even between us, and we both running a business together if u can’t be open with someone don’t be there at all
It’s hard to know the intent without knowing the man. My husband and I joke like this sometimes and whenever he claims something as his, I always say, “what’s yours is mine “. Then we both laugh. I have never felt like he was trying to degrade me so you have to look at your situation for what it is. You know the man. I feel like if I told my husband it was hurting my feelings he would stop.
Just jokingly tell him your married so half of whatever HE HAS will be yours in a divorce lol plus alamony and child support 
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Narcissistic behavior . I just left a very narcissistic spouse. Starts like that and escalates. Yes it’s gas lighting. And abusive. Trust me this is just the beginning
You should have insisted on having your name on the title!!! If I were u I would look for a job ASAP. If he keeps joking about something that hurts you deeply you need to show him you’re not to be played with.
Maybe say that if u divorce him that he’d have to sell HIS house & give u half “jokingly”!!!
Many a truth is said in jest. I’d be mad too. I’d want my name on everything just because if something would happen to him, it makes things easier. Ask him why did you get married if he’s not going to recognize you as an equal partner.
If it was just jokes. Then fine, get over it. BUT then he has to stop it now. He had his laugh and it is emoigh.
Tell him to get his will estate planning done. If he dies… you wont automatically get the house… also… keep tabs on his 401k. Etc… if you divorce, you can get a pay out. If you’re trally worried… start squirrel ing money away in a nest egg.
Our house is solely in ny husbands name and he has never once saud it is not my house too. Thats rude.
Over reacting completely. But if you’ve voiced it hurts you, whether over reacting or not he should still stop.
My partner of soon to be 11 years is exactly the same wants me to be home with our kids , so I’ve gone and found a job and he’s had to share the responsibilities cos I’m no longer here to do 100%of the parenting . He doesn’t have the snide remarks he use to have and because he’s had to step up as sahp too. Soon taught him that being rude and degrading me hasn’t worked so good for him as it’s not as easy as he thought 
He’s continuing to do something you’ve told him bothers you…he has no respect for you and is hiding that with “jokes”. Marriage=Ours
Girl I can tell you by experience, behind every joke there is a little truth… He us not joking he is reminding you about it! That is a closet narcissist right there
Tell him a marriage is a equal partner ship. If he wanted u to stay home, that was his decision. Now that he is being like that, i would just get a job. See what he has to say then. Most men think they can rule us by saying everything is theirs. Dont let him do that. It will only get worse. Marriage is a partnership no matter who is working. If he keeps being like that, just leave him. Then he will realize what he did have and what he lost. That is the only way he is going to realize. Dont let him rule u. Stand up for yourself.
What state do you live in?
Depending on if its community property, get a restraining order and take everything he has.
And tell him its yours now.
Just kidding.
But forreal thats very fucked up. You guys are married it should be equal regardless who purchased it
He is going to take you for all you ever had. And he will say its your fault. Time to look at it honestly. He doesn’t respect your feelings. In fact laughs about it. Deep down, he is a troubled person. Time to go.
You need to take off the rose colored glasses. Tou husband is a control freak and you need a job and your own money. If he decides to leave you are ass out. Never put yourself in a position where you cant eat or have shelter unless someone else takes care of you.
Disrespect disguised as a joke! 1 time okay … 2, 3, and 4 times no! You’ve expressed its hurt your feelings, why would he continue to do it???
As Freud said, there is no such thing as a joke. Look for employment because he is going to hit you with this bludgeon over and over and over.
I would make sure that you have a Good Will, and a good insurance policy. I would also start documenting all of his “jokes”. You need to recognize that you are an abused woman. Verbal and emotional abuse is abuse. Sorry, this situation is not going to get better. He is also the role model for your children. They will learn his “jokes”.
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Yes he’s gaslighting you . . . if you find the “jokes” hurtful and he’s telling you they aren’t that is gaslighting. Your feelings matter. You’ve asked him to stop making these “jokes” and he has not. He gets upset with you because what he is doing is hurting you? That’s classic gaslighting.
He may not have done this with anything else before, but I see this as a HUGE red flag. My guess is, if you think about your overall relationship, there are more red flags you’ve missed . . .
I would, personally, probably “joke” that the baby is all yours because YOU carried it for 9 months, birthed it, and are it’s primary care provider. I wonder how HE would react to THAT little joke . . . my guess is suddenly he wouldn’t find his own jokes so damn funny.
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Tell him since it is HIS house he can keep it clean and cook dinner and anything else you do.
I would tell him “OK I’ll get a job and you can pay half the child care bill.” 
problem solved. Also he wouldnt be able to work if you weren’t there to take care of the kids…he can fork out the money for child care. (Which isnt cheap) so yes you have worked ( your a stay at home mom which is a full time job 24/7) and half of everything he has is yours because if he did pay you to take care of your (his and your children) than you would have put half in. Marriage is 50/50. Stay at home moms do alot. 
You might want to have a “come to Jesus” meeting with your hubs. Remind him that you could easily make his life miserable… by only washing your clothes, making your dinner and not his. Two can play his game.
Tell him it bugs you that he talks to you that way…do you have a cast iron skillet…lolol…jk…but tell him it hurts your feelings…
Yeah its not ok for him to say and fo that to you at all he should be respectful and stop especially knowing that it upsets you i would definitely find out your rights before he trys to take everything from you including your baby
I tell my husband everything is mine. He tells everyone everything is mine. Although you aren’t on the house. You are still married so it’s yours to. He would still have to have you sign to sell it. 1 to buy 2 to sell. Have a talk with him.
I sure would research laws to “jokingly” throw back like alimony pmts child support rates and pretty sure some states except common law state allow the property to be sold and split if it was obtained during the marriage its joint assets even if your names not on it…quite frankly if it upsets u and he respect u and ur feelings he will stop it
If lived that for 40 years and I’ve always worked get out it doesn’t get any better
I have recently lived through a divorce filing…it went all the way to the final decree…I didnt know until afterwards how many lies he told…how much money he stashed …why we were even getting a divorce…he wound up with a couple of medical problem…I mistakenly though he needed me to take care of him…we stopped the divorce…only for me to find out he didnt want to give me my fair share so he figured it was cheaper to keep her…because he is back to control of all of the money…what little I had I paid to my lawyer…so now I have nothing to fall back on and he has control again…now knowing what I didnt know before makes it worse…hurts worse…some days I can not stand him…It started out like you said…that he would say everything was his…now I guess it is…
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He is gaslighting you! Mine done this not long after I had our second baby. I quit work around 4-5 months pregnant. Mutual decision. He made comments JUST LIKE yours is. But he is a great man and has never ever done anything like it before. So like you I was hurt and torn about the comments so I ended up writing him a letter and letting him know exactly how I felt. We then talked about and it hadn’t happened since… thankfully!!! Sometimes he will go to make a shitty comment (I think) but catches hisself before he actually says it. Maybe write him a letter? And if you can work it out to where y’all will have along time after he reads it so y’all can talk. I’m sorry your going through this. I know it is very hurtful and well honestly a very degrading feeling. I hope it gets better for you love!
This will not get better only worse. The starting of an abusive relationship. Tearing your self worth down slowly. If you can get out now
In all seriousness you need to have a deep conversation with him, you are so being gasslighted. Alot of maturing needs to happen