I’ll try a different approach here. As a parent, the mother shouldn’t be putting the daughter in that situation to chose between her and her husband. As a parent the mother should have a plan for if her health fails her so the responsibility doesn’t fall on her child. As a parent she shouldn’t make her child feel like “My mom took care of me all of those years, now its my turn to take care of her.” It isn’t a bad line of thought, so don’t jump me for that. Im not judging someone for thinking like that. I just seriously would not want to put my child in that position and would/will have a plan in place to never make them make that choice. 
My father in law lives with me and my husband and I understand that you need to take care of your parents as they took care of you I won’t say it’s always easy but you both need to sit down and talk about it as partners ask him if the roles were reversed would he want you to have the same reaction that he is having
I know it is too late here but I believe this is something one should discuss early on in or before marriage. My husband and I agree family is number one. If either of our sides needed it, no questions and happily it would be done together. We are not only children or the eldest but we are the closest to both his and mine for now at least. I also do not see either of ours wanting to move in with us but at some point it isn’t about a want and is a need so of course. You can’t turn her away. If he can… thats an issue but it is his issue in my opinion. You should make sure she is taken care of and he should support you.
Is it possible to move mom closer to where you live ? Is she needing 24/7 support in care or setup and more time managed assistance? Is getting life alert and accessible housing an option? As someone that takes care of others and has had family come to stay with them being 24/7 caregiver adds stress and dynamics not considered until living consequences. If you chose to have mom move in with you I would consider respite options to prevent caregiver burnout.
Well im 62 and i dont think i need to live with my daughter. If i could help them maybe but im far from being old or needing taken care of.
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If my mom lives alone and has no one to take care of her then it’s a no-brainer. I would never marry a type of man that would not support this.
Does she have Medicaid or Medicare. Maybe you can get some caregivers to come in and help. If she gets approved for it then her insurance will pay caregivers fir ever how many hours she can get approved for. Check all options first. It can get stressful but I would definitely take care of my parents if there was no other way. Hopefully you can figure out what issues your husband has with this.
Every family is different and it is something that a couple needs to agree on or it will never work. Even under the best of circumstances taking care of a loved one has many challenges. My mother is also of failing health but I would never step up to be her care taker. I do love mother because she’s my mother but we have a very turbulent relationship and she has put me through a lot in my lifetime. I know my husband and I would both say ‘no’ to letting her live our home as he has witnessed the kind of person she is. I don’t think I would have it in me to give her the kind of care she needs. I know my brother resents me for it but I’ve made my peace with it.
Thats sad. I hope he doesnt try bringing his mom when she needs it then. Smh. Hope you find sonething that works for you both. Thats fucked up
Iv offered my ex mother in law to come live with me she dont want to move in with her son or a care home so I said then come to mine and we will make front room into ur room she said no bless her but also said if it comes to a care home could she take me up on the offer I said always anytime u want to they cared for us once so it’s the only right thing to do I think
Family is about being there when they need u
That is something you guys need to agree on my husband and I lived with my parents at the beginning of our marriage, we now live with her again after her being widowed and divorced she wants to retire in 2 years and this is a way she can have money for retirement and do what she wants.
If the husband was smart this is what he should do. He should absolutely agree. He should welcome his mother-in-law in with open arms. He should even offer her their bedroom. Suggest that if there isn’t any free rooms her daughter will gladly sleep on the couch. Also he should offer that his wife give up all luxuries while her mother is in the house, making sure to provide her with every comfort she needs. The husband should also explain how to the mother-in-law that her child will wait on her hand and foot and she should spare absolutely no request. Her daughter is there for her completely. Then, the husband should rent a 1 bedroom apartment on an open lease for as long as the mother-in-law is in the house.
Hell no! I told my husband before we were married that neither one of our moms were ever going to live with us. Both of our moms could be toxic. But even if they were not, I have never seen it not cause marriage problems. I would Never ever expect to live with my adult child either.
I have left some comments earlier. Just to say I see this all the time. I’m a private caregiver for elderly men or women.
1 most people don’t want to pay for caregivers to come and assist with their parents.
#2. If you can hire some one to help take care of your family member.
#3. It’s not the the best thing sometimes but it has to be done.
4 He shouldn’t expect you to leave your parent alone.
#5 he should be willing to help with the financial end if he don’t want her to live with you.
After all she gave you life
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I guess I’m a lucky woman cuz my husband has always said my mom could move in with us if she needed. I’m not saying that he makes all the decisions but he’s very generous that way and I would do anything for my mom so it goes without saying that she would move in
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I have been upfront about this from the get go and will continue to be with any man in my future. My mama will live with me when shes older and needs help.
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Depends on the situation whether or not they get along.Because sometimes this causes friction in a relationship.I would certainly talk over with your husband and come to some agreement.
Oof I mean I would just say what if it were his mom, or take him to local nursing homes to get prices and show him why that’s the best option… it’s so expensive and men don’t normally look at it that way.
This is a hard one. I guess it all depends on why. Also put yourslf inhis shoes. Would you want his mother to live with you. There is just parts of this we do not know about
My mom raised me and sacrificed alot . She would be moving in no questions asked. And the same would go for my mother in law. What would he suggest? Stick her in a home. Would he do that to his mom
The bible says in the 10 commandments… Honour your father and mum… Love huge mum and looks after her, if you don’t you will resent your husband for a long time
Its ur mom and he can go down the road. But is it possible to make her a lil home out of a garage or something just so she will have her own space and he may be more for it.
Well I wouldn’t expect my partner to tolerate his in laws in his home. I either wouldn’t tolerate mine in my home.
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Maybe look into homes for her ? Or younger single female as a roommate in moms current home. To help with mom and help with bills.
Or maybe a shed could be added and turn into a granny pod? That way not under the same roof.
I love my m.i.l but I can’t have her live with me. Same with my husband, he couldn’t live with my mom.
I would save f you and move her in your mom is your mom and will always be your mom. It’s our job to take care of our parents when they are sick just like they did us when we were little. Plus you only have one set of parents take advantage and be there for them because one day she won’t be here. I just lost both my parents weeks apart and I would give my last breath for my mom regardless of what my husband says. Your husband should be ashamed of hisself for not wanting you to move her in. Any husband who loves his wife would know his hard this is for you and offer to help not be negative and evil about it.
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Move her in, he can deal with it… that’s such BS my mother in law would be able to move in no problem and I’d probably be the main care giver… how can people be so cruel…
It depends on your situation maybe your husband had a reason… But actually in my side I want my mom in our house because its a big help and I feel comfortable with my mom around and so does him… But not his mom because it’s annoying . And me and my husband agree on it…
This might be the time to choose your mother over your husband.
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Well my Hubby knew from the start that I was going to take care of my G-parents when the time came. He knew they were never going into a nursing home. But then again it was my G-parents I took care of. I would not take care of my mom or dad. They didn’t do anything for me. I guess look at all your options and see what best fits you all.
It’s probably why I am not married…If my mom needed me it would be no question…Period!
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Maybe and Assisted Living, they have some very nice ones that actually have different levels of care from independent to full memory care units.
That’s your mother she took care of you your whole life when you needed her don’t be so selfish to take care of her when she needs you I think your husband should understand that can I wouldn’t ask him I would just tell him this is the way it’s going to be that’s my mom and she’s going to be here whether you like it or not
I can understand I never have wanted either of my mother in laws (ex’s now) move in with us. 1st one came to visit for a month, living hell. Even my husband (ex) said never again for that long, weekends only. Lived 4 months with 2nd one in her house not as bad. I showed her a lot of respect. Was it returned hell no. She was so mad when we moved out and we got married. She had told me like a week before her son would never move out of her house. He looked at her and said we would be out in a week, and she was not welcome.
My parents always said in laws should never live with a married child. Especially a mother, she would always try and run how the house should be. You can’t do that, to many bosses.
There isn’t enough information to offer much advice. I would be talking to your husband to try to work out the reasons why he doesn’t want her to move in and try to work out a solution. If his reasons are valid I believe you should stick with him and consider other options. If they are not valid reasons then I guess you have some big decisions to make!
You take the husbands garage and turn it into a mother in law sweet
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It’s always our obligation to take good care of our parents especially when they’re already old and sickly. Your relationship with your husband is only in the papers while your parents gave you life what you have now. Taking care of them is our utmost responsibility same as to our children when we get older. Try to explain it throughly to your husband.
Only 63 she would have a lot of years ahead of her .why would she want to move in with you shes far too young for that .and it is his home as well .
It depends but its his home too and he should be comfortable in his home! Me and my husband have talked about this and we both would actually like it if my mom or dad moved in with us! But his mom we both agree no way she will ever live with us! His step father can come anytime has well but neither of us could handle his mom living with us! So it depends but def have to respect his feelings
If it wasn’t for your mother you wouldn’t be here for your husband to have met in the 1st place!
If your mother needs you…you help your mother! If your husband isn’t on board with helping the woman that gave you life…OH WELL! Then he doesn’t sound like he loves you very much!
This puts you in a difficult situation you need to have a think about your own view on the situation and then you will need to have a fairly serious discussion with your husband about this it needs to be a joint decision but if he is being selfish then that’s not fair either look at your Mum’s needs as well and consider whether there are any alternatives to those needs being met
If it were his mom needing him would he hesitate to move her in? Probably not. You are partners in life so if your mom needs you, discuss it with him. See what his concerns are, then make a decision together.
Yall just gone have to agree to disagree. That’s your one and only mama. Dont make yourself have to live with that regret…if he LOVES you he will be okay.
Your parents took care of you during you years of going up and never ask question. I moved in with my parents when they both got sick at the same time. I was a only child.
My mother in law is 85 and was never nice to me. But she’s living with me. It was my idea & my husband is the only child.
There’s is no way I would refuse my mother.
A Mom is A Mom.
As much as my mother drives me nuts and gives unwanted opinions and I’m sure my husbands mother does too, it’s still the parents LOL. Like just accept it. To be honest with you that was one of the top 10 things I talked about with my husband before we got married, but we would do all we can to find either one a home to go to 
Tell him to put himself in your shoes. It might be tough be he needs to understand that your mother needs you.
Id say talk to him and see why he’s against it. Tbh not enough info on either side for solid advice
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If there is ANY other option or any way to wait it out longer do it. Especially if your spouse is not on board. It is hard having parents live with you. Obviously if there is no other option it is your mom but it definitely wint be easy if your husband doesn’t want it.
Family look after each other, they helped us grow and when they are old and unwell it’s our turn to help them!
Have you looked in to getting a sitter…healthcare aide, to sit with her? Depending on where you live, each state has some type of program available.
I dont blame him. Its going to disturb his peace in his own home. See if theres another solution you can come up with as there are other options. That may ruin your marriage. Some people are very very private.
I will accompany my parents till their last moment… They have sacrifice so much for me… Husband wise, he can wait… Between 2, I’ll choose parents
My question would be, if his mother or father needed to move in would you feel the same way. Would you agree or have a problem with it. If you have doubts about that, then it should be understood of his feelings. I think it should be a joint decision since he does live there. Maybe find a solution before just jumping out of a marriage. It’s not a easy decision, not something you just jump into. I’m all for taking care of your parents but also when u get married, you are there for your spouse also. It should be talked about and compromise on things plus feelings. There has to be a reason why he doesn’t want her there so curious why he doesn’t, I say communicate and compromise before deciding anything.
Maybe he doesnt want to live with your mama…and that’s ok. He is entitled to that opinion since he is the other adult in your marriage. But I do believe it should be something discussed ahead of time…before it becomes a problem that has to be addressed. And the rules can be different for different parents. I could probably live with my Daddy and my husband wouldnt mind him being here but if I had to live with my mother, I’d kill her myself. My ex husbands parents were gonna rot in a ditch before I would ever take care of them and they would never live in my house because even my ex husband couldn’t stand them.
I mean, he’s welcome to live in his own space. We don’t have to live together to be in a relationship. No way in hell would I ever allow his or my mom to be put in a nursing home & he was well aware of that when we got together. If he doesn’t want that in the future, then we can love separately.
Marriage is a partnership. No one should throw out ultimatums!
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Is there a way to make an in-law suite for her in the house or maybe on the side of the house? Bring this to your husband as a possible solution. So this way she will have her space but technically will be living with you.
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First not enough info. Sit down & talk to your husband & find out his reasons. If valid they need to be addressed.
Let’s be honest this is a huge issue to deal with having another adult come live under your roof especially if it means they need care due to age & health.
If mom needs help see to other options such as housekeeper, visiting nurse, & meal prepping to help lighten what needs to be done with mom, so she can stay at home as long as possible. If you can afford it see about a MIL home on your property, so she can be close without under the same roof.
In the end, both husband & wife need to agree & if they don’t then it’s a no & other arrangements will need to be made.
In my opinion this would never be a question for us. Our mothers and fathers took care of us for 18+ years as well watched us grow and helped us threw our adult struggles. In my mind it is our job to take care of our parents as they took care of us. Especially if they have a wish to not go into a nursing home. Which I would never put anyone I love in a nursing home.
I belive when getting married this should be apart of marriage. I would care for my husband’s parents as if they raised me. I feel we owe it to them. So I don’t belive this should even be a question.
You do what you belive is right. Weather it’s moving into your mom’s home to care for you if he is so head strong in her not.
Maybe at 63 years old your husband could be thinking she could actually live another 20 or 30 years.
Its a long time thing not a weeks holiday.
I’d happily buy my mother in law a nice garden shed.
I would take my mom in no matter what if it was a problem with him i would be gone. My mom gave me life and i owe her that and if he can’t understand then i am gone
I like more info before offering advice like why doesn’t he. What the relationship like. How is “not so good”. More info please.
We live in a society that doesn’t want to be bothered with caring for people. Although non of us know your particular circumstances. Can you move to have or build an in law apt. ? Prayers for you.
Maybe his just got the covid mood that everyone has n one more thing to think about is just annoying … Maybe think like him … Would u want his mum there 24/7 … But on the flip side that’s ur mum
SO and I already agreed that our moms are NOT living w us ever ! The things that a couple discuss way before they get to that point.
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My mom is 93 and she moved in with us last fall. My husband is the one who broached her with the idea. It has gone very well.
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When you marry you become one, which means that your husband should treat your mother as he would his own. The two of you need to discuss his reasoning and all your options.
How about getting a two family house so she can have her own place
I think it comes down to compromise maybe addressing the issues he has around it and going from there. Assisted living is quite expensive but definitely a good option just be sure to have a good look into the care providers ratings which can be found on my aged care site. Other than that I think moving her in is a really good option if you can provide her the care she needs it’s much better for her mental health.
You and your husband have a problem. You 2 must come to an agreement that you both are comfortable with. Your mom is not your primary issue. You need therapy and techniques on how to communicate and partner.
There is a lot of information missing. Like the relationship between your mom and husband. I bet it is something deeper than he just doesn’t want her to live them.
Ask him if he’s cool with getting a second job to pay for an assisted living facility for her to live in.
If parents can sacrifice their everything for kids and raise them till they are adults y cant we just sacrifice our privacy for them when they need us?
My husband and I tell it like this should that time come where we take on his family member or I take on mine we are a unit and we talked about this before marriage and after marriage. Maybe its fresh news to him and maybe you both need to have a deeper conversation about it to better connect with one another on this topic its important to take care of your loved ones as they once took good care of you guys. I wish you all the best.
I’d kick my husband to the curb that is my mother who raised me now it’s my turn to take care of her!
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That was a good “fan Question” because I am also a only-child not married yet but this seems to be something that needs to be in the discussion when the time comes to “be” married…hmmm…interesting
maybe think of an alternative to having her move in with you. A tiny home on your property, a Casitia, maybe an addition that can be used a. separate apt. that would give all of you some privacy and still you could take care of her. it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Idk how your house is set up, but if it all possible maybe speak about remodeling to accommodate a section for her where its not so invasive for everyone in the house. I could be quite uncomfortable for him to be home if they haven’t gotten along or for whatever reason he didn’t want her to move in. If possible, maybe even relocate to a home that is more suitable for privacy for both your husband and you and your mother and her needs. Thats definitely not an easy situation.
I hope I would never have to move in with any of my children. I hope there are other options.
If my mom was still here, I would take her in a heartbeat…no question asked.
What is his reasoning? You might want to discuss it. And really consider it as well. I understand you’re the only child and your mothers health is poor, but is he willing to look after her in other ways? Or is he just saying he diesnt feel like YOU should be burdened with this? Talk to him and I mean REALLY talk to him about why he diesnt want her there. And then you’ll know what the answer is.
I would move in and care for my mother no matter what. If my husband wasn’t ok with it he could move out. That being said I would do the same for my MIL even though our relationship is not the greatest.
You should take her in obviously, but be aware that there’s a good chance it will end your marriage.
There are things that we must respect our spouses feelings about definitely but that goes both ways & when it comes to making a choice of taking care of eaithers parent due to bad health, you go by what the right thing to do is. He is the one needing to give the respect in this situation. You take care of your mom. No matter what.
My mother in law certainly wouldn’t move in with me
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She gave birth to you and raised you for 18 years of her life. It’s the least you can do.
You only get 1 mum… You can find another husband.
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I think when you marry, you marry the family and that, if able, you should take care of your parents instead of just popping them in a home. However, you married for life so, you have to take his feelings into account. Tell him how important it is to you.
I would let her move in and fix her a cute bedroom with tv and comfy chair. I lost my in may 2020 she was 68. I wished I had more time.
That’s a tough one… I definitely would want to take my mom in, but I couldn’t say the same for my MIL…
The bigger question is why doesn’t he? Is he concerned for his wife that it may be to stressful on you or is he being selfish and don’t want to deal with it ?
So many questions before actually being able to make a comment.
If it was my mother I would do anything I could to care for her.
Does she she have to live with you are you able to afford home care for her?
It’s your house to and you should be able to have your own mother there short term or long term!
When time comes, I will Not go to a nursing home unless my mind is gone. One
Here is my thoughts for what they are worth. If you were raised to care for your elderly parents his or your ( this is actually a moral question) and you married a man who does not share your morals then I would question your decision on marrying him what you saw in him . To honor your parents is biblical- one of the 10 commandments and the only one that comes with a promise. If he just want privacy maybe he can build a mother in laws suite or house out the back. Discuss options but forsake a parent you will regret it.
You move her in. Period. Just like I would move his parents in if they needed our help. It’s what you do when it’s family.
Funniest responses, depending on age. #1 this is something you discuss, not ask for permission and drop if denied.
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My husband and I have already had these conversations as my family is aging and of course we know I’m the only child it is set and no issue
ask him what if it was his mom and he was the only one…
How about assisted living or care in the community or residential care or build an annex for her to live in x
Coming from someone who has a family member living in the same home as my own family lives in. It’s hard as hell and I can definitely understand why he wouldn’t want that. But it’s something you should sit down and have a grown conversation with him about.
Hhmm that’s a tough one. I get it. But that’s your mom. She needs you. You’re all she has. No it’s not convenient. Yes it’s gonna suck. But sometimes you have to step up