You should cut off his genitals to make sure it doesn’t happen again
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If you’re not happy you’re wasting your life and his, forgive him and move ahead or divorce him and move out. I’ve been there except the “other woman” was our neighbors 19 year old daughter. I packed up, told the neighbors my 50 year old husband was sleeping with their newly graduated daughter. As I pulled away her dad was having a come to Jesus meeting with my ex.
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How did you find out? Was he honest once confronted?
Only you know if your able to truly forgive and move on
Betrayal and breaking trust cuts SO deep. You deserve to heal from that but also deserve to cut things off if you truly can’t forgive.
What advice would you give a daughter or sister in the same boat?
For me personally, it would be the ultimate insult and I don’t think I could come back from that hurt.
He broke your trust and that’s a hard thing to “get over”. Give yourself a break and take some time for you. You have every right to your feelings and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been or if he’s changed. Maybe you should try the counseling on your own, it might help give you the answers your looking for. Good luck
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I went to my doctor one time and I told her I was stressed, no sex drive, etc. We talked some and it just came out… “I hate my husband.” She said nothing in the world can be done medically if it’s your spouse causing you to feel a certain way. He don’t want to keep trying for you, then it’s over. You’re still hurt and you can’t heal with him in your face as a constant reminder. There is someone out there that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. It’s scary leaving something comfortable like marriage, but it can be so worth it in the end.
Honestly you won’t ever be able to quit thinking it because my husband tried to sleep with hookers day before my birthday and before our son to
It all depends on you. If you can’t move past it, call it done. I’m the same way. It would be over because I’d deffinatly wouldn’t be able to trust again. I’d probably cheat too
My husband cheated one weekend while we were engaged. I took me some 7/8 years to get over it. It was a lot of checking on him. Never saw anything suspicious. So I finally got over it. Sadly he passed away 3 weeks before our 45th wedding anniversary.
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Once a cheater always a cheater. They don’t stop when caught they just get clever. Jmo
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You either let it go or you don’t. If you can’t then it will never work out
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Do some individual counseling, start going on dates as often as possible. Try and act as if you guys were just beginning a new relationship, because that’s what this is essential, starting over. Obviously you love him and want to be with him or else you wouldn’t have stayed. He will have to win you over everyday, not just go back to “normal”. The trust will come with time, but there needs to be a a romantic spark between you. Good luck honey 
Him reassuring you would be going to fuxkin counseling with you not wtf he feels is “reassuring”!!! HE MADE THE CHOICE TO CHEAT!!!
HE DOESN’T GET TO TELL YOU HOW TO WORK THROUGH IT!!!
Maybe one on one counseling for you will be even better. It may help you sort out your feelings. More importantly, it may help you realize you don’t have to live this life. Then again… maybe it could help save your marriage. You def need healing bc it’s clear that you’re not over it. He did this… OfcourSe he’s over it and no longer wants to discuss it!!!
Not to mention… telling you he’s not going to do it again is not reassurance!!! Isn’t he your legal husband whom made that promise on day fuxkin 1 and broke it!!! But you’re supposed to believe him now?! WTF has changed to reassure that!!! And not the changes within HIMself either.
If you’re gonna stay. Then you need to let it go bc it’ll only tear you both a part in the end any way!! If getting over it is not a plausible option… then plan your escape!!! WTF do YOU want!!! That’s the most important question you need to ask yourself right now.
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U just gota let it go! We as humans don’t forget but we can forgive and move on! You haven’t forgiven him yet
That’s a tough one. I don’t there is a right answer bc it’s so personal. I think you have to look internally and see what kind of person you are and what kind of man you think he is.
I have to agree with everyone who said to speak to a counselor. Then after several sessions you can decide if you want to stay or leave. But at the end of day, you have to do what you feel is best in your heart.
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You’re not ever obligated to settle. If you want to move past it, I think your husband is right in that you can’t continue to beat it to death. The question is: can you live with this for the rest of your life.
It would be an extremely hard no for me but you’re the one who must live in your own life. I wish you the best with your decision.
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I’d go and seek counseling just for you. Also if you can’t get past this (which is totally understandable) then you need to take that step and get a divorce. It’s not fair to either of you
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I’m so sorry I dont think you will get over it id just move on if you aren’t happy and you never really know if it’s going to happen again I wouldn’t be able to handle it
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Not trying to be negative , but I had a situation like this and I thought I was going to be able to let go and forgive. We stayed together 4 years more after the cheating ,but I was not able to trust again , I became paranoid . The cheating kept arising in every argument… things became sour , we became distant and the cheating continued( or never stopped) . I say , ask yourself , can you really live with this ? Be honest . If you thing you can, then stay , but keep in mind that more often than not , the cheating never stops . If you can’t let this go , then by all mean exit right now
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It just depends. Everyone handles it differently. Me personally that’s my line where I can’t forgive, they have to go. I can’t work it out because my trust is hard to win over after it’s broken like that.
So honestly therapy might be a good option and you’ll have to make the choice on if it’s worth staying and try and heal or leave.
I wish you luck
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I pray for your healing. 
I never got over it and I knew I couldn’t.
I divorced him. After the divorce I found out more stuff that he was doing behind my back.
Divorcing him was the best decision I made for myself and for my kids
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You literally have to forgive and let it go, or you have to move on. There is no other way.
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Some people can’t… I know I couldnt. You’ve tried and that’s a better person than me.
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Maybe some time apart to reflect on yourself and your feelings would be best. Because you can’t just keep living like you are, but forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Especially if you haven’t been away from him to explore what this whole situation means to you and your relationship. 17 years is a long time to just throw away, but at the same time if you can’t truly forgive him then it’s not worth staying.
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It’ll never be out of your mind, and he broke your trust. Get out, you’ll never be happy. From someone who’s been there.
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For the ones one here saying just leave…it’s not always that simple! If you’ve never been in those shoes move along. Being in there makes you question everything you and your spouse has ever done! Those who say always a cheater…so not true. Everyone who cheats is looking for something
Something they couldn’t or didn’t find at home. No it’s not right but that is what a therapist is going to tell you
Communication is the number 1 key. With out it nothing will ever change!
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Ask yourself can I live with it more than I can live without him and vise verse!
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For me, I can’t. I know that is a dealbreaker if it happens because I could never trust again. Some people are able to do it, but some are not. Don’t feel bad if for you it is over, it wasn’t your decision to destroy it in the first place.
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U don’t ever get over it…u just come to a point where u accept it happened and then choose to move on from it or not. U will always think about it…wonder what did u miss? Like what sign…did he say he was going to store…
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I agree in my opinion it’s best to leave
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The affair was all about him, your journey is about you and if you can forgive yourself for letting him hurt you- some people can , some people stay for other reasons. Whatever you decide is best for you.
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I went thru this before. If you want to stay and work it out. You got to learn to forgive and move on. It’s hard yes but it only takes away your happiness. I did leave as well but we had a new born and it was hard on both of us. I came back and we worked it out. It’s never easy. Good luck
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It’s really something only you can answer you either have to let it go and try and move on from it or leave him those are your only choices you basically have to ask yourself is it worth more staying or worth more leaving Matty be get some counseling for yourself to help you figure out yourself and go from there I can’t imagine how hard that must be good luck 
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Me personally, I’d leave. A affair is a extream nono to me. Tell him you need couples therapy but if he is not trying to work with you on this I think it would just be best to keave
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It would be a tough one for me specially since it wasn’t just a one night stand it was three month relationship. Me personally would walk away but it’s totally up to you.
Hopefully you can find peace in whatever decision you make😌
It’s either you have to work through it or it’s over. If you can’t get past it, then you’re both staying in the past and it will fail. This is all you, counseling may help, but not everyone is able to move past an affair even if you want to for the family, just sometimes it’s the deal breaker.
He broke your trust in the worst way possible, that’s something you may never get over. I know I wouldn’t. You guys should stick to counseling or maybe it’s time to end the relationship Regardless if he wants to talk about it or not it is bother you and needs to be talked about with a professional to see if this is something that can be worked out.
I tried and couldn’t. We were never married but he cheated while I was pregnant with our son. I constantly thought about it. After that, everything about him disgusted me. Still does, and we split 2 1/2 years ago.
Dump him. Focus on your own self love and happiness
My husband and I went through A LOT of trust issues in the beginning. It took years for me the get that trust back for him. It’s possible, but for our situation, he had a lot of growing up to do.
After 17 years, my heart breaks for you. Is it possible to stay together? I’d say yes. But your husband is going to have to realize this isn’t something you just get over. Yes it’s been a year, but you’re hurt. I think individual therapy is a great suggestion. You need to let that anger and hurt out. Heal yourself and go from there.
He does it once, he’ll do it again. Boy bye 
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I totally feel for you 
…
no matter what happened you need to think what makes you happy.
If you just can’t get over I would say leave xx
Hope what ever you decide you end up Happy 
As no one deserves to be cheated on and certainly not for 3 months
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You don’t. You have to move forward if you can’t move on. Easier said than done. I wish you all the best. You sound super strong and you don’t have to accept this ever.
I would want to know why he chose to do that. What was lacking in your marriage that he made the decision to do that. If the reason isn’t something you guys can work on to ensure it won’t be an issue again then I would say you need to move on and let him go.
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Take it from someone that has had that ultimate betrayal of being cheated on twice! If you want and can leave and dont look back!.
I left… been nearly 2 yrs and I still cry, but at least I’m not getting cheated on anymore, or even having to wonder.
It sounds like you need individual counselling, not the two of you together. Best of luck to you both
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Are you thinking he will cheat again ?
You don’t you get that right… cheating isn’t an accident & while I highly doubt any couple can truly, behind close doors move on. Oh they present to the world they have, cause what are you going to say ? I stayed & am stupid? NO. But, to even be able to be okay you yourself have to be able to get past it, there is no time frame, special pill or antidote… prayer, the lord, counseling while all wonderful… don’t change you as a person… does not change what he did. Sorry to say it, you won’t. You either leave, move on… or you stay & are miserable till you leave or he does it again & blames you for driving him to it. Best of luck.
Cut your losses. You deserve peace and happiness.
I would have murdered my husband if he had an affair on me.
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The problem isn’t him cheating again is it? The problem is his already done it ? So the image is there it’s happened … so if you can’t move on from that and clear your mind from it … you’re better of leaving. All you’re doing is punishing yourself whiles his okay. It’s not fair on you xox
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If you have tried to move and it’s still hurting you then I would leave.
Me personally…leave. Idk go to a therapy see how that works. You need a peace of mind n u deserve a peaceful mind. Good luck in whatever YOU decide to do.
Listen, some people say he did it once he will do it again, but that’s not always 100% true. There are some men who won’t. This all comes down to you, and your heart. Do you love him, or do you love what ya have, such as routine, familiarity, stability? You need to realize this is not healthy for you, and if he’s proven he was sorry, then it’s not healthy for him either for you to always keep it in the front of your head. Staying there, and in the marriage may not be what’s best for you if it’s destroying you mentally. This is something you need to think on. If you can’t get past it, then there’s no trust, no trust, then there’s no real relationship. You need to either forgive and move on, or be fair to yourself and him, and let it go. Only you can make that choice
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I know how you feel, but as I tell my husband we stay and that’s choosing to forgive. Now you need to let it go. And oh yes I’m speaking from experience. Decide what you want,if it’s not to forgive him,love him and want to make it work. Then you want to be single and move on. Go ahead.
Neither one will be easy but will be worth it,whichever you choose. It’s hard to clear yourself of it and I’ve asked similar questions,the difference is my answers weren’t good enough for me and they drove me crazy. I chose and am happy with my choice. Ajay Routledge definitely hit it on the nail
Forgiveness and healing isn’t linear. There will be setbacks and until you’re fully over it he will have to deal with it. You can’t get over it until you’re over it. You were betrayed and trust was broken. Keep going to counseling and let your husband know this is something that still weighs heavy and if he wants to continue a healthy relationship he needs to keep talking about it.
Its been 10 years since my husband had an affair. We are still together. Ther is no easy answer. You have to make a choice every day to trust and let go. If you can’t, get out.
You can ask him all the questions you want about it but it won’t help. You have to work on you at this point. I recommended getting yourself a therapist and try to work through your feelings. I say this having gone through something very similar. It gets easier. If you work through your feelings on your own then you won’t have to think about it everyday.
You will NEVER get over it! It is up to you to to trust again
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Trust me it gets harder everyday and still try to move on
It’s up to you…
Your going to have to make decisions. Do you have kids?
If you still love him your going to have to find forgiveness in your heart and get past it…I know from experience that a broken home is so hard on children and it can be on you to…you have to do some real soul searching, and what ever you decide you will have to live with…
It sounds like you’ve tried to get over it and you can’t. I don’t think I could either. He doesn’t want to keep bringing it up? Too bad! That’s what happens when you chose to hurt someone. You don’t get to just pretend like you didn’t. He just doesn’t want to feel guilty.
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Their is a difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. If its not in love then walk away because all that will do is torture and haunt you
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Move on. It will be difficult at first but your peace of mind is worth it. It’s your future trust issues that will haunt you. If he loved you he’d be telling other women to stay in their lane & not inviting them into his. JMHO
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You either let it go or leave…
HOW did you find out? This is a teller…did he fess up out of the blue or did you find out?
If you can’t get past it, it’s time to move on
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Divorce- no point in staying miserable
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The sad thing is if you lose trust, it’s hard to get past other things!
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You won’t ever get over it. Mine had an affair after 28 years of marriage. I beat myself up for months and months. Get out, it’s very hard but you are better than this. You will never trust him again. Mine offered to keep a video camera on him while he was away from the house, that is no way to live. I would eat gas station sushi before I would trust him again. I’m very sorry for your struggles but I promise it gets better
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Harsh reality, but if you choose to stay with him, then you have to let it go. Just my opinion.
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You don’t ever forget about it but you have to make the decision to move on from it or leave the situation. Its sucks.
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Leave him. Immediately if not sooner.
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Its such a tough subject because some people can get over it and move on. Others cant but try and others just call it quits. Personally, i don’t care if I’m married to you for 30 years, 40 years, 50 years… If you have an affair, our bond, the trust, the special connection will be gone. I wouldn’t try to fix it. I’ve told my current fiance this so many times. And he agrees. The moment either of us were to ever find out the other cheated or was with another person we wouldn’t want each other anymore. I wouldn’t be able to look at him and feel the same. 
you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to call it quits. You have every right to. And the longer you stay in a marriage where you aren’t happy the worse it is. Please think of yourself. If you haven’t gotten over it yet. You never will. And it’s not fair to tell him you will if you can’t.
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Ive been there. Its a horrible situation and feeling. You never forget it. It will always be there. You have to be strong in your relatiinship to get over this. You have to decide if i want your marriage or not. The thing with my marriage he was still msging women and i looked at his phone to see this. Cause i knew he wouldnt change. He was a compulsive liar. You can sort it if you think he isnt msging or doing anything else. You are a strong woman. You will get through this. Msg me if you like. Stay strong. It is head wrecking xxx
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Girl… Let me tell you. Ive been with my husband 15 years this Aug. I went to jail for 23 days in Oct 2011. Got out the day my mom died. And this female would hit me up and tell me she slept with my husband. She kept giving me different dates etc. He denied it. A month later she messages me she is pregnant. He still denied it. A fee months pass. She is having twins. He still denied it. We had another child and as soon as she heard she messaged me to tell me that the kids are white and not his but that she still slept with my husband. Then we move back to the town she lives in 7 years after the alleged affair. She finds out and messages me. Said they were his and she is going after child support. Ugh. So Jan 2020 the paternity test comes back. They are his. He still denies it lmfao. So being the person i am i sat up visits. Cause its not their fault. Come Nov 2020 they now live with us full time. During those months we fought like cats n dogs. Him trying to make it up to me and showing me appreciation for taking on the step mom role. But after they have lived with us for 4 months i see her face daily in them. I hate him a little more each time. But tbh… I wouldnt take it back. Because they need a better stable life then what their mom could give them. And i love him so much more for being the dad he should be. Its so hard. But if your love for him is real then you can over come most obstacles. Im sure him and I have done it. 2 prison sentences first me then him. And so much more. And some how we still find a way to stay together. I cant see my life without him. Can you see yours without him? Thats the question. Sure it is hard. Sure it hurts. Shit happens. Can you forgive him? Do you want to? Those are the important questions. And definitely dont let it drag you down and steal your shine. He made the mistake and you deserve happiness!!! If you need to talk u can message me. Lol ikik weird. But i been there and sone that and ive learned alot in this 15 year journey! Best of luck. 
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You leave. If you can’t let it go and it haunts you and you look at him differently then you are left with nothing left to do but leave. You will be happier. You will find someone who really truly loves you when you have healed.
If you can genuinely forgive him, and you see yourself headed that way, then work through it, a year isn’t that long when you’re the victim of something like this. But don’t feel as if you owe him anything, if you can’t work past it, you owe yourself to pick up and leave.
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I would ask what you are doing to get past it? Being intentional in your marriage is the only way through. Cousiling. Friends that hold you both accountable. Church. Marriage classes. It IS possible to live forward but change is required and both parties have to be willing. So many people on here saying just leave. Leaving is an option but it isn’t the only option. Please know that you do have the power to rekindle your marriage if thats what you desire. Im not going to air my personal laundry on here but feel free to PM me if you want to chat.
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You cant keep suffering for his mistakes, you need to let go or else you never will.
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Leave him. He will do it again. Personal experience.
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Do the same thing to him and record it and show him…
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You have to heal first. Pray and heal. Work on forgiving not only him but yourself as well. With God healing love and patience anything is possible
You will never get over that betrayal. One of the worst things is to know details if you’re planning on continuing with ones partner. It was a huge disrespect. Of course he doesn’t want to talk about the affair, is he treating you better now?.. tough call, Love yourself first, some things can’t be fixed.
Three types of forgiveness: 1. Forgive but can’t forget 2. Forgive and forget and 3. Forgive and live like it never happened. That means you can never ever bring it up again. If you can’t do number 3 you should walk away. It’s not fair to either of you to stay.
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Went through very similar and am now divorced after 20 years. The first thing I would tell you is to get a thorough physical to be sure that you haven’t been exposed to any type of curable or incurable diseases.
I cannot tell you what to ultimately do as far as your relationship but I know that there is peace and healing not living in a situation that has caused you great pain.
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It never will go away but remember it seems everyone cheats 
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
Handle your trauma or your trauma will handle you.
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and u have to put on face bk to ask strangers?
If a man cheats a woman should look deep down at herself and see whatever it was that the woman did or didn’t do to cause it.
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Leave his cheating butt… It will ALWAYS be on your mind.
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You have to choose to forgive even if your version of it is walking away. Forgiveness is not for him it’s for you. You stated he’s moved past it but you have not. Forgive him- whatever that looks like for you.
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seek counseling for yourself without him.
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Some PEOPLE say ANYTHING the only person that knows what to do is you write it down if the good out weight THE bad an the LOVE Is there what makes you smile we know what make you cry but do you really want to add to the cry side of the list you know if HE GONE YOU going to cry we are NOT perfect who can cast the first stone to say IM PERFECT THINK ReaL HARD EVENTHO HE DID THIS CAN YOU SAY WITHOUT A DOUBT WHEN I CALL HIM HE THERE WHEN SOMETHING NEED TO BE DONE HE THERE ITS THINGS LIKE THIS YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU JUST say WE DONE PUT SOME PRAYER AN THOUGHT BELEIVE THIS GOD WROTE THE STORY OF LIFE ASK HIM TO EDIT IT FOR YOU NOT PEOPLE WITH THEIR OWN SUITATION AN OPINION (IJS)
I left after 3 years when he went away for a weekend and I found out he was with someone else the whole time. I tried for a bit, but my trust was broken. If I can’t trust someone, I can’t be with them.
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People make mistakes not saying what he did was right because its not and its up to you to forgive… You have to find out for yourself is yalls relationship worth saving is it worth letting the past be the past. Is it worth the pain the last year? He has admitted his mistakes and seems to take every step to help you and reasure you he will not do it again. And in away i understand him not wanting to talk about it because hes trying move forward while your holding on to it. Only you can know what you truly want! But honestly if this is something you will hold over his head and constantly brang up, leave move on and find happiness else where.
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Self care is so important. Remember its not you. It’s him.
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