Maybe he’s depressed?
Also maybe do some self reflecting you don’t think your husband could come on here about one of your character flaws
I’d say maybe depression as well… def try to have talk with him, make sure hes okay. Get him all the hygiene stuff he may need, clean some comfy clothes for him, wash the blankets and let him rest/relax and make him his favorite meal… let him know hes loved. My husband goes theu little fases of depression and really all you can do is be there for him. If you love him, let him know
I definitely agree with the posts above… if that’s not a normal thing that is definitely a red flag he is dealing with something. I know men have a hard time opening up but maybe try showering together
Pour water on him or tell him straight up he stinks. He’s grown not a child, he knows to shower. Be honest with him as his spouse. It’s sad his coworkers have to put up with his stench.
not for puspus. give puspus yeastys. Not only does his hygiene affect your social life it will also affect your vaginal flora if you do have sex. Offer to wash him in the shower maybe. Have it running and be undressed when he gets home and he might willingly jump in.
The actual term for that is “self care deficit”. Feel out if he’s struggling or just being lazy. Start by running him a bath or showering with him and see if he’s willing to engage. If not then have a tough talk with him about your feelings. Both about the lack of desire to be seen with him and have sex with him. I had an ex who showered daily but never washed his clothes and it made the apartment reak. Also a deal breaker.
Possibly just tired tell him to take some time off get enough sleep then clean up get a haircut so yall can go get massages and pedicures together, may need to head somewhere relaxing the beach, mountains, lake, might need a therapy session if that doesn’t work good luck, but you keep taking care of yourself through out it all… i also liked that idea of getting him some nice mens soap, bodywash, razor, cologne
I read this post to my husband and he said it sounds like depression. May have a serious talk and let him know you’re concerned. Get him some help.
Turn the shower on, walk out naked tell him to come with u. If he don’t come its time to try marriage counseling.
Coming from personal experience I often find myself doing this. When depression hits or just absolutely feeling drained and spent…self care becomes a chore and could care less. For those who have never delt with ACTUAL depression, you should be thankful and not be so quick to brand him as gross or lazy. If he was not like this before it could certainly be a mental health thing that he isn’t addressing. And that’s OK but only you know him. Perhaps invite him in the shower woth you
My x husband did this! Wouldn’t brush his teeth unless I made him, shower, clean clothing, the whole nine yards. He was depressed. I asked him to get help. I had to make him go. If I didn’t take him he refused to go. It was exhausting. It made me feel like crap. And then he started saying things to me about leaving him because I “got pretty and skinnier and hot” and it was my last straw. You can call me awful if you want. I openly told him that I was dealing with my depression but I needed him to deal with his too. He still refused and believed you can just will yourself out of depression. I had to remove myself from the situation. For my own mental health
Ask him to take a shower with you? I’m sorry I dated someone who had poor hygiene and it was like that in the beginning I eventually broke it off. That being one reason out of many. But it was a hard thing sexually to be involved with someone who doesn’t care for themselves
Let the tub run over while he sleeps
Maybe you could ask him to shower with you and try to recreate some of that romance. I know that my husband and I always have good shower convo and turn it into “sexy time”
There is no excuse for poor higeine. That’s just gross.
Everyone’s depression hits different…
Ummm no. You need to have a talk with him like a serious sit down. Theres no excuse for that, ten minutes a day can fix. If he’s doing that maybe theres an underlying cause. Such as depression etc. Maybe he needs to see a therapist. ( no im not being a smart ass, mental health is just as important as physical health). My dad went through this when he got super sick from his cancer and losing his leg before he passed etc. It took picking up something he wore and making him smell it without him knowing what it was to show him how bad he had been smelling.
After he showers or smells and looks clean praise him and tell him how much you like it when he smells good/ clean. Tell him how good he looks. If that doesn’t help then maybe it’s time to run.
So I suffer from severe bi polar disorder. When I hit a low depression I tend to lose touch with reality and days can pass and I don’t even notice (I have 0 sleep regulation)
So I’m the type that normally showers 2x a day and I wash my hair every other day. When I hit depression phase I can go a few days without showering before I notice it. But I don’t do much physical labor. I have a weird thing with smells so if I notice body odor I’m immediately bathing. But some people don’t notice it if they are in the cycle.
My husband is extremely understanding and it’s honestly really obvious when I’m switching up on my mood.
Seriously a deep talk about mental state is a huge thing that needs to happen.
Some people have traumas around water or the smell of certain soaps.
My husband can’t use anything with mint. He immediately feels sick to his stomach. Toothpaste gum etc. so we had to get different smells in our house. He also almost drown as a child and the water hitting his face makes him panic so we changed the type of water head we had. And I still sometimes have to remind him cause it’s just not something he’s really comfortable doing.
I mean. I think a serious talk would be good. With an open mind and thinking cap on what you both can do to work towards the end goal. When you’re depressed you honestly don’t give a fuck how you look or smell or appear to others. You have ZERO desire and energy to take care of yourself which actually deepens the depression and can become dangerous. So find out where his head space is then go from there. Don’t mock or make him feel bad for it cause it would quite possibly have the opposite effect.
Wish you all the luck love
I think he’s depressed
Take a page out of Pavlov’s book. He had meat powder, salivating dogs and a bell.
You have soap, together sexy shower time and blow jobs.
I don’t leave any room for my boyfriend to be all dirty. I was on his ass when we were first together about good hygiene. Slowly he becomes a better man. Some men just need a woman to push them. MY OPINION: If that doesnt work and he doesnt have mental issues, it is just best to leave him
hes probably overly tired or depressed
As a social worker I can forehand tell you poor hygiene are symtoms of low self-esteem and possible depression. Tips: talk to him, ask him how he feels and listen. He is likely bothered by something and does not know how to express himself. Do not pressure him into bathing but rather encourage him. For example, offer him to shower with you. You could also suggest running him a hot bath and offering to massage his shoulders. Self care is very important but do not pressure him. I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to communicate.
Just tell him he stinks and to shower god
Or I mean… you could waterboard him.
On a serious note though, I really hope he doesn’t get a staph infection one of these days going into warmer weather when the chub rub and swamp ass starts to be an everyday thing.
Tell him he fucking stinks and its unattractive
Yes, on all mental health posts. Getting a baseline on his good feeling days and apathetic feeling days down to eff it days gives everyone a place to start from and focus on. Prolonged disinterest in personal hygiene is a signal that someone should take action for that individual in a caring way.
Just be honest with him and tell him it’s become unacceptable at this point for you and some changes have to happen but be kind about it because maybe he’s suffering from depression or something and just needs a little push.
ok i definitely don’t think we have enough info to attribute it to depression. working a physical job 10 hours a day makes that seem less likely than if OP were to have said he was jobless and doing nothing. if there are no other signs of depression then poor hygiene is not a symptom.
it could be a lot of things. i can’t say entirely what angle i would recommend approaching it from. but what i DON’T recommend is tiptoeing around it and pushing yourself out of YOUR comfort zone to keep him comfy (making it sexy and suggesting showering together, etc). i suggest a genuine serious conversation about it and how much it’s bothering you. maybe you’ll find the root cause, maybe he’ll work on it, maybe not. but it seems to be a very serious issue for you and i don’t think you should just put up and shut up.
and on a side note; you don’t have to put up with anything and everything just because mental health is the cause. if it IS depression, and you still can’t handle this, don’t stay unhappy just because you feel you owe him accommodation. depression is hard on the depressed person AND everyone around them and you don’t have to put your own feelings on the back burner in favor of his. just saying.
Could be a sign of depression …Ask him to shower with you…or just straight up tell him shower you fuckin smell
I hope all y’all being dicks one day suffer from depression and have people abuse you instead of help you just like you’re doing to him
When he gets home, let him unwind then get his gears ready for a shower. Just tell him Hun Ive got the shower sorted for you jump in before it gets cold
Ok being negative is the WORST IDEA!!! YALL TALKIMG NEGATIVE SHOULD BE ASHAMED !!! you need to figure out what’s going on.
Yuk thats kinda gross I can maybe understand not bathing cause depression sucks but atleast wash your gross parts and wear deodorant
I want to say it’s a guy thing. I constantly have to tell my sons father to shower, brush his teeth…etc.
I’m not a doctor but this kind of sounds like depression or some mental health problem.
Tell him to take a shower before dinner after he gets home. Maybe buy some white slipcovers or blankets for the couch and chairs so he will visibly get them dirty if he sits on them. Ask him if he needs a different deodorant or body wash. Just sit down and talk to him about your concerns.
I would just say at dinner “You know what is so much fun?” And when he’s like “what?” My answer would be “showering everyday yayyy!!”
I’m being silly but I would just tell him straight “babe you stink you have to shower everyday or at least every other day. If you’re feeling depressed or unmotivated or any type of way that’s making you not want a shower, let’s deal with that shit head on together. But go shower right now. Love you. Might get some of this later if you don’t smell like cheese. Wassup ”
He’s probably depressed and needs help.
Offer showers with him…
I did this when my relationship was newer and things weren’t fresh for him… So I made it fun…and washed his back, then his … Ya know… Made a world of difference.
Good luck.
Be BLUNT. You’re his wife. Who better to tell him?
Very sad for you. It seems like there are other issues besides a shower. I always recommend Christian counseling. So many couples have had blessings in their marriages from coming to Christ. He needs to be clean but regardless as his wife you must submit to him and be his helper.
Ephesians 5:22-32
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Sign of depression. He probably needs a break.
Sounds like a sign of depression . Try talking to him more and see if he will open up .
. This sounds like maybe…depression?
Jeezus. Some of y’all are rude and judgmental as shit.
OP - this honestly sounds like depression and being burnt out. You can still be depressed while working. That has nothing to do with it (like someone said). When my depression gets too bad, I slack on bathing, cleaning up and eating.
I went through the same thing, for mine it was just laziness, and not caring. Had a lot to do with his job. He ended up getting a new job and everything changed for him. Good luck hope he figured out what’s wrong soon
Hit him with the hose when he gets home
Jk but just tell him, hey I understand you work a hard job and being outside Definitely sucks the energy out of people. But once you eat and unwind, can you please freshen up
Talk to him…you can be honest without being hateful and even if he is suffering from depression it doesn’t mean your feelings should be cast aside. Talk to him, tell him the problem, and tell him how you feel. He’ll either try to work on it or he won’t…and if he doesn’t then your feelings are being considered and that’s not ok regardless of his situation
It sounds like he has some sorry of desperation if he just started doing this. I would talk with him about seeing a therapist and asking what you can do to help
It may be depression some don’t realise how low they’ve become ,he seems to of hit a low point in lacking personal hygiene now ,has something happened recently that you know of ? Maybe work place bullying or something within the close friends or family unit at all ? Even if it was something months ago it may not of really processed to him yet and it’s only now he’s affected by it in its entirety? Just a thought
That’s disgusting! Tell his ass to take a shower.
over worked, depressed. just needs a break sounds like it to me.
How is his mental health?
My husband showered once a week when we first met. After I realized, we were super serious already, so I started inviting him to shower with me. 2 years later, we shower together 90% of the time. If we don’t, I have to tell him over and over to go do it. Its definitely a depresson thing… my husband hates showering. Doing it with me makes it seem less work because hes also spending time with me.
Shower with him. Give him some incentive
Is he definately going to work?
Have you tried ‘enticing’ him then saying only if he has a shower? If he’s not interested it could be a sign of depression.
If he is doing manual labor it can be tiring but that’s not really an excuse not to shower can you get a shower ready for him, it might help?
Can he swap jobs?
Can you ask him outright how come he doesn’t shower?
It sounds like you need to communicate a little more.
Yeah that’s a problem… no advice but honey please shower!
Sounds like he is struggling. Draw him a bath or have everything in shower ready for him. Maybe he is overly exhausted.
Self care is a must.
Good luck
My husband was like that. He works in a hospital and at the meat counter at the grocery store. He bathed once a month. I’m not lying. What started to help was him getting medicated and going to therapy. Plus I’ve been buying him Bath and Body Works. That helps because he gets something he enjoys to wash with. I know I’m kinda talking like he’s a kid. But it really involved baby steps. Not bathing on a regular is a serious problem. It shows no self awareness plus awareness for anyone around
1, men and women are different…
He probably grew up only being made to shower once a week… a grew accustomed. The beginning of the marriage… he was probably trying to improve…now he’s just comfortable… I wouldn’t assume its depression off the bat. If that’s his only issue
Invite him into the shower with you
Ummm social life during a surge… Smart.
My Dad worked construction the majority of his adult life and showered every night after work. My Mom would have killed him if he didn’t. That being said I have a pre teenaged boy who is “allergic” to soap and showers. Can’t wait for warm weather
You need to talk to him…not a bunch of strangers who can’t know your situation, or his.
It sounds like depression. Showering is just one more thing that has to be done, and can be just too much to handle.
“In sickness and in health” are the vows you take… Depression is an invisible illness, but there are warning signs. Poor hygiene can be one. Sounds like he needs help. He’s working 10 hours a day. Maybe his mental health has been put on the back burner to care for his family and he has a lot on his plate? Talk to him about seeing a doctor, sounds like he’s struggling. Some of these comments make me so sad. I’m so sorry you both are going through this and I hope he gets the help he needs.
Welcome to marriage life, goodbye honeymoon phase… you find out more about your partner the longer y’all are married… men take a long time to adjust after coming home from work
Can someone tell me a moment where men are asked to “father” their wives to a solution because some of these comments. Wow. So a full grown man is allowed to STANK because he is depressed? His family is suffering through bad hygiene. Does he even wash his hand? Let his boss tell him to wash his behind. I promise he put more respect on that check than the feelings of his wife. Which is sad. There is love and then there is mothering. I think men need more of the former and not the later. Tell him to shower. It’s that simple.
Look up FemaleDating Strategy and recognize you are worth so much more than a man who won’t wash his own literal ass. Just yuck.
Why do men do this?!!
Sounds like he’s depressed
My husband’s feet always smell disgusting and I tell him he stinks. He will change his socks, shower and spray his feet with deodorant before he gets in the Bed. I would seriously mention how he needs to get clean before coming to bed etc. maybe that would make him do better ?
Divorce. He’s able-bodied and refuses to clean himself? Nope, he doesn’t like himself or you. Your coochie will have all kind of BV and infections. Let him marry a little stinky woman and they can be funky together.
You can’t be subtle with men. Go buy him some new body wash and loofa or what ever he uses, tell him you want him to try this because it smells amazing and then lay a big sexy kiss on him. If that doesn’t work then your going to have to tell him flat out hey babe, you need to shower after work…men don’t get small hints
Sounds like it’s a mental issue at this point.
Did something dramatic happen lately? Near drowning? Water boarding? Anything with water that may have triggered him to avoid showering?
Tell him he smells and you are disgusted with his poor hygiene and that he needs to start taking a shower. Depression or not he needs wash his ass everyday. I’ve been depressed before and I was still clean so there is no excuse
You are his wife … TELL HIM!
Whole of patriarchy on his side and cannot get it together, no. This is why women are steadily walking around with bacterial infections, yeast infections + and ph all off. No, you all support them as if you are their mammys and nanny’s, NO
You tell him. And I understand it’s probably depression but it’s still gross. I wouldn’t want to have sex with my husband either if he didn’t shower. And he wouldn’t be sleeping in our bed or sitting on our furniture with his stank ass
2Xs during my 30+ years w/ my husband, I literally took a bucket of water and shampoo to him while he lay in our bed, then made him get up to rinse himself off, then made him sleep in the puddle that had created. To be fair to him, he was working 12 hour shifts that switched every 2 weeks w/ no days off for months at a time. (Not really legal, but the pay was good.) He was beyond exhausted a lot of the time. He had the nerve to ask me if I was going to do that every time he tried to go to sleep w/o first showering. It was a dusty, dirty job, so yes, yes I was! Enthusiastically so! Never had an issue w/ that since.
I would tell him. My husband works 12 hour shifts. Given, he doesn’t have BO and doesn’t get “dirt” dirty, but I am not shy to tell him when his ass stinks. And I tell him over and over so he will get a shower. and he will tell me if I stink too.
Girl my bf is the same way he hasn’t brushed his teeth in over a year and then he wonders why I don’t want to kiss him and now I’m stuck because we just had a newborn 7 weeks ago
Sometimes you just have to be blunt…”You smell really bad. It’s offending ppl we know. You look so dirty all the time. I know you are exhausted but a shower after work is relaxing. If you don’t start showering daily, I’m going to insist on counseling…if you won’t do counseling, I cannot stay here. Are you upset about something? Somethings changed. We have water. We have soap. Please fix this problem. I’d do it for you.”
My daughters dad was like this. We broke up (not because of this lol. Many many other reasons why) and Hes still the same…3 years later.
I would be throwing a bucket of soapy water on his every day
He sounds burnt out and depressed
My husband works outside with concrete. He drives a mixer truck. He showers twice a week. Usually it’s okay for the first 2 days or so. After that, he gets to stinking. So, on day 3, usually, I tell him that he smells and lay out clean jammies, a towel, and wash rag. He gets the hint and showers. Same with teeth brushing. I make it known he needs to do it. It doesn’t hurt our sex life because he showers before or takes the hint and showers if I want to initiate things. And as for “social life,” all our friends have labor jobs and are usually covered in filth too… so they don’t care. Also, if a “friend” ever commented on my husband’s hygiene, I’d slap a bitch. Thats rude, disrespectful, and none of their business.
The best part of this post is I am not alone I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING POSSIBLE EVEN NOT SHEARING BEDROOMS PUSHED HIM IN THE TUB I AM DONE EVEN SPRAY CONSTANLY LYSOL WINDOWS OPEN I UNDERSTAND
Take a shower with him , every day .
Yeah I’ve learned you just have to be blunt with them. Some just don’t take hints or read in between the lines.
Something is wrong with his mental health.
This is such a huge red flag for depression
Find some time to sit down and talk with him
No recriminations for his behaviour just understanding as he may not even be aware of his depression
Sending love and healing to you both
Your husband is working 10 hrs a day. Busting his ass. There could be a lot of reason he doesn’t shower consistently. Without having a conversation with the man maybe you should take a step back and stop. I’m not trying to be rude my husband is a shower freak but if he goes a bit without it doesn’t make me not love him it makes me realize he is just tired. He might be upset or depressed or something else is going on. Maybe he has something at work that’s bothering him. Or maybe honestly it’s something with you?
Maybe depression? Overworked?
I’d say maybe ever other day at least invite him in the shower with you. My husband pretty good about hygiene but if I’ve notice it’s been a few days I’ll tell him to come to shower with me, and shampoo his hair for him. Guys get in slumps too just do what you can to help and if he doesn’t want your help you’re going to have to just let him be embarrassed. It’s difficult but he’ll figure it out. Hopefully
Tell his stank ass to get a shower.
I don’t understand this. I’ve been through TRAUMATIC things and I still shower every night before my ass gets in my bed. I understand everyone is different… but girl, that’s just awful. You’ve got to tell him! Encouraged him. Whatever it takes. Not only does it affect him but you and your home.
This is a common sign with depression. Have you considered being helpful?
Depression? Maybe…but hes obviously able to get up and go to work, so theres no reason he can’t come home and hop right in the shower. I would insist. Sorry, you get asked once…maybe twice…but that’s it. Same as I tell the kids…" if I can smell it, you can smell it. Go shower. And dont forget to wash your ass!