If he can’t respect your wishes, why are you still there? Get yourself prepared so that when it finally falls apart, you aren’t left holding the bag. Is this the kind of relationship you want for your kids when they grow up? Kids learn more from the examples you set than anything you can/will ever say to them.
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Please don’t waste anymore of your precious spirit and time. Functional relationships do not include ex’s. That’s a deal breaker right there girl.
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If you let him stay your telling him it’s ok you will just keep begging girl you better get a grip
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If you have told him not to communicate with her that it’s becoming a problem for you and he continues then there is your answer he isn’t going to quit seeing her,he values her more then what he has with you. So you have 2 options 1.Get use to it. 2.Get your finances in order and seperate. I’m sure the ex knows whats going on your still in same household etc. And probably doesn’t care. If he had no children with his ex then theres no reason to be communicating.
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First dont demand anything, you cant control him…he is a grown ass man knows right from wrong but you dont deserve to be mistreated by any means.
Go stay somewhere W no contact for a few days before it say if you keep doing what your doing you will lose me completely… He will hear it but you have to keep to your word.
My ex did it w his ex and lead her on for 18 months but we also just had a baby. During that time I lost all love respect or any type of Care for him. If he can’t be Up front & honest why stay with it. Next it will be Physically cheating if he hasn’t yet.
Don’t let him control it. I’m Serious to say that its the warning then go stay somewhere for 3 -4 days don’t answer nothing at all or have the kids either if it will work out it will if not he will see what he is loosing and might not care.
I will tell you my advice but until you are ready to make the decision that is best for you and your children, my advice won’t help you hun.
The fact that you are telling your husband that him talking to his ex is hurting you, is crazy. He should already know this.
Second, you’re teaching your babies that staying in a relationship like this is healthy. I know that isn’t your intention at all so I’m not judging, just giving you an outside opinion.
I’m not saying give up on your marriage by any means… But if you’re taking all the steps to try and rekindle a marriage and he is continuously blocking those attempts, you deserve better. Hang in mama, you got this. 
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Speaking from experience as much as it sucks kick his ass out he wont change tell him to go live with her, or be super petty like me(I have done this not ashamed) reach out to her and pretend not to know where he is asking if he has agreed to the legal paper work or if she can ask him what time to meet him for your special dinner then explain to her whats going on better to gang up than leave him and have a bitch throwing things in your face
In my opinion, if he thought he wasn’t doing anything wrong he wouldn’t have hid it from you. If he can’t honor your requests, he’s putting his supposed friendship above your marriage with him. I think that perhaps a third party, such as a couples counselor could help in this kind of situation. They could help him see your side of this, and make him more empathetic to how you feel by doing so. Perhaps if he keeps refusing, you could go to a therapist on your own to help you work out what you want to do about the situation at hand.
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If you’re the only one putting effort in then there is no reason to stay and make things work. He has to be willing to do the same and it doesn’t sound like he is. My advice is leave now before things get worse.
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He’s not gonna stop and he’s gonna deny any and everything. Fuck him. If their are kids involved let him have a relationship with them. As for you, you obviously deserve better.
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You don’t need to contact her to leave you alone. She’s not the villain in this story and your husband invited her in. Talk to your Husband about how wrong and unacceptable his behavior is. It seems like he is taking your separation as an opportunity to be single and not an opportunity to improve your marriage. Maybe you two are not on the same page.
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Get a sitter if you can and go out somewhere for a walk. Sit down and talk about it all, reverse the situation maybe asking him how he would feel if it was the other way round? Tell him he is risking your marriage and if he wants his family enough he needs to think about the implications of what he is doing. Ultimately tell him he is hurting you and does he want this life with you or not. You can’t make him stay but the ball is then with him to decide.
If you don’t want a divorce, he doesn’t want a therapist and you want him to feel the same pain,simple play his game 10fold. He will either get it and fix his shit or you will realize by then he doesn’t want nothing w you.
If it walks like a duck and smells like one? haha oops well it is get rid of it
Time to be done. You deserve better.
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Get your stuff in order, so if/when it falls apart, you aren’t left with nothing or struggling. I’ve been there two many times and after the last I promised I’d never be there again. I have my own accounts, my own car and the house that I can pay on my own so that I won’t be without. It’s all in my name and I don’t plan on marrying. I’m fine in a long term relationship, but I’m not going to put anything in someone else’s name and get screwed a 3rd time
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I talk to my ex. We are friends. But I have even married 48 years
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Get your ducks in a row and contact a good divorce attorney. Be prepared to pay the retainer fee when you want to file your divorce.
Or, live with it.
He doesn’t love you if he’s cheating and he will do it again even if she drops out of the situation.
life is too short and too precious to settle for less than you deserve
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If he was sneaking around in the first place, then he knows what he is doing is wrong. It’s not her fault if she doesnt know about you. It’s his fault for not making you known. He is knowingly making these choices. I know you dont want to break up your family but apparently he has already made his choice. Dont waste your time any further.
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It depends on what the context of their conversation’s are. If he has nothing to hide, then call her and find out what’s so interesting. I still talk to my ex, but it’s just friendly talk, keeping us updated on our families, etc. the past is never brought up. I’ve been quite embarrassed before by jumping to conclusions and it took me years to fully trust. Save some time and worry by going straight to the source.
Girl pack your stuff & GTFO
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I had almost the exact thing happen to me, I found out that my husband had been talking-nonsexually- to an ex and childhood friend after she reached out when we got married. It went on for months, and he kept it secret from me. A lot happened in our lives and so I had chalked that up to why he was so distant and closed off. One day I did what I never do and decided to go through his phone. I was devastated, I read through the messages-as many as I could bear- and I felt so hurt and betrayed. Not because he was cheating on me but because he had been so distant and hardly engaged with me anymore but could joke around with her and have inside jokes, he was more open with her than he ever was with me. She was also married and there was a point where she asked if I knew they were talking, he told her I didn’t and asked if her husband knew and she said no. Then they went on to say that if any feelings developed that they could just stop talking and it would be fine but there were already feelings. You could tell in the messages. I waited until he got home and I ended up crying a lot and ended up giving him an ultimatum, I told him that I don’t want to be with a person where I wasn’t their number one choice. I told him if he still had feelings for her, or anyone else that I refused to come in second place and that I would still let him see his baby, I was pregnant at the time, but he had to be 100% honest with me. I wasn’t going to settle for wants and hopes, I needed to be with someone who actually wanted to be with me and only me. A lot more stuff was said and happened but basically he immediately stopped talking to her, didn’t even send her a goodbye text. He had no problem giving her up, I took off my ring until I was sure that he meant what he was saying and only put it back on when he proved it to me through his actions. We haven’t had any issues of that kind since.
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Hell invite her to dinner. If she comes you’ll know if there’s anything more than friends which you probably already know . If she doesn’t come that will say what you probably already know.
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Run!!! He wants his cake and ice cream at the same time!!! Leave them for each other and you find a real MAN. You will never be able to trust him again. He enjoys hurting you more and more til you go over the deep end. He is not interested in going to counseling, he fills he doesn’t need it. Please honey leave him if not you are making it worse for you. Don’t lower yourself to his standards, you are better than that. You are trying to hold onto him but he truly doesn’t want you and he doesn’t want to work things out. You take him to court, get child support, get spousal support. Put him through the wringer!!! Home wreckers don’t care!!! You be strong for you and your kids!!! Let him go now!!!
If it’s the first time he cheated it won’t be his last. Hate to say it but time to push him out the door. 
You deserve better and there shouldn’t be any reason he is talking to his ex.
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You can’t make him do anything especially if he des want to. Value yourself. Painful or not.
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Can you find a someone attractive to text and see what he does? I wouldn’t ever chase or beg a man to be with me. It seems like he has made his choice. If he doesn’t respect that it is upsetting you then he is a rotter and you need to let him go.
Make sure you have a good divorce solicitor and make sure you get 50/50 and his pension if he has one.
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I think you should talk to his ex and see what is going on let her know you guys are together. Be open with her and see if it is just old friends talking or more.if after that you still do not feel comfortable tell him he will either respect you and your life together and stop or he will not either way you will know were u stand
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Does he let you see what is written? has he ever kept this as a secret ? has he ever done something to make you think that hes doing something behind your back ?if he has shown you these text messages and is not keeping it a secret and hes never done anything behind your back? at least hes being honest with you maybe they have a friendship you’re talking about ex she’s the ex for a reason your who we want to be with try to do some trust things maybe it’s just doubts on your part but explain to him that is how you feel
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Honestly, you can keep trying to work on things… but I would also be preparing for the worst. If you’ve already asked him to stop and he hasn’t, chances are he’s not going to. He’s probably planning on leaving you for her. And while you could attempt to tell her what’s really going on, she very well may not care. Or he could say you’re just trying to stir up trouble because you want him back. If he’s telling her you guys are split, it’s because that’s his intentions if things go right with her.
that marriage was over when he started calling his ex
you arent quitting, he quit. what you do now is called respecting yourself. call the ex and tell her she can have him you dont want him anymore, oh she didnt know? well now she does ,there are no take backs, hes hers now . Along with with the husband she can also have the child support hes gonna have to pay (will take away from what he gets to do with /or buy for her), the visitation days hes going to have with his children, ( her plans bout to be put on hold) the poopy diapers etc, she just took on a whole new family by talking to your man. she best upgrade her house, a 1 bedroom isnt gonna cut it, she needs something with 4 bedrooms , and a mini van or the husband a mini van,either way shes riding in it. id pack the kids stuff up too ,when he leaves they going with him(for a nice week long visit) send them with him those are his kids too, just have all their stuff packed and his, at the door waiting on her to pick em up or hell just call an uber and give em her address if she doesnt show, just drop em all off at once let her go ahead and get started seeing what shes about to take on, and you go on a vacation. Call her and tell her to make it snappy youve got business to tend too, she just upgraded to your personal free babysitter girl, you just need to wake up wishing a mfr would keep calling her. go find you a man that will respect you and your marriage
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Cheaters never change. Once a cheater always a cheater. So if he’s doing it this time he will continue to do it. He clearly doesn’t see the issue. Or doesn’t care. And that’s a problem. You need to leave him. No sense in wasting time in trying to fix what can’t be fixed. If my man wanted to entertain someone else I’m kicking him to the curb I dont care if we live together and have kids together. I respect myself too much to let a man make me look stupid.
Besides even if he stops talking to this girl you’ll always be wondering in the back of your head when you see him on his phone if there’s someone else on the other end. You’ll never trust him fully again. And with that the relationship is done with.
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Get everything in order - your own bank accounts and savings. Make sure you have enough to pay rent or find a new place to live AND enough for an attorney. Be sure you are able to stand on your own at a moment’s notice. Then, confront her, peacefully. Ask what’s going on. Ask for proof either way.
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Throw that towel in…he is hugely disrespecting u
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does he do more than talk and text is he really cheating or is he just an enormous ahole for ignoring your feelings.alot of people talk and text the other people outside the relationship don’t mean they cheat.
You cant get him to realize anything. You have two choices. Accept what hes doing and stay, or leave. Youve asked him to stop. He wont. So now the choice is yours. You cant change people and from what it sounds like he has no desire to do so. My advice. Leave. Save yourself more wasted time hun
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If you really believe that his ex-girlfriend is under the impression that he is a single man and is not with you then he’s trash and you probably need to get rid of him
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Pack your shit and go
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I wouldn’t even bother trying to talk to the Ex, because she knows, even if she says she didn’t know believe me, all women know exactly what’s going on even if they don’t want to admit it, as for your husband, pack his shit and put it on the front porch and change the locks because if he’s done this with her I can guarantee and I will even bet you $1000 that he has been unfaithful with other women as well, For the women here who are saying he didn’t cheat, yes he has, in every sense of the term, you don’t have to stick your dick in another woman for it to be considered cheating, emotional cheating is much worse and that’s not an opinion, that’s a fact!
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I see all kinds of comments that maybe they r just friends … and that’s ok.
However if his friendship ( or whatever else it could be ) is making you uncomfortable, and you have talked to him about your feelings, and he would rather put that relationship first, even think it hurts you, that’s still cheating and being disrespectful on my opinion, you deserve better then that! Nobody esp your partner has the right to make you feel second best, in any situation!!!
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Leave him he will cheat if he’s not done it yet
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Leave her out of it. Discuss with your husband. If he don’t respect you enough to stop disrespecting your and y’all relationship then you may have to enter counseling to help you let him go. Good luck.
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Well honestly if you were the choice there would be no need to post this! So get your affairs in order and chop the fence post he is straddling right out from underneath him. I would suggest you have ALL the evidence of infidelity in your possession before u make that last chop though, divorces are messy so therefore ensure it comes out in your favor! You can live someone with everything fiber of your being but if they don’t want to be with you and do it faithfully then love isn’t enough to make them stay and your trust will always be questionable if he does stay! So CYOA and build your case!
Hellll no. Hell. fuckin. No.
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Just fight them both and kick umm out. That way she don’t talk to married men anymore or she knows what happens, and his ass will think twice before he disrespects a female again like that. throw his shit out on the lawn. If they have not fucked they will just a matter of time. she doing it on purpose too. To many social medias and Facebook detectives for her not to know you guys are together. them go sleep with his friends and do things in bed with them you never did with him. Make his ass jealous of what he lost over an ex. They ex’s for a reason. Remember that when he comes back begging… 
Trust me when I say HE’S CHEATING ON YOU!!!
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Leave. Why are you begging him for things he doesn’t want to give you? He clearly wants to talk to her and or be with her from the sounds of it. So let him go. You’re only prolonging the hurt for yourself.
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Call her and make sure she has her facts straight, knows he’s still married and that they are hurting your family. Then divorce his self centered ass, tell her she can have him bc chances are if he’s available she won’t want him anymore. U deserve better, don’t tolerate this! When my ex cheated I fell completely out of love with him and trust went out the window. Let’s face it, is he really that great? Love yourself.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If he is refusing to try going to see a therapist and refusing to stop talking to his ex, then it seems that he has already given up on the relationship. At this point it’s kind of like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. It’s not fair to you at all and you are clearly heartbroken over the issue. If he’s not willing to put in the effort to fix your marriage then you might have to make that leap and leave. Maybe by your leaving and separating for awhile, he will have a realization of what life is like without you. Your kids deserve two happy parents. Even if you’re not together
Know when to say goodbye unfortunately. If he is doing this, he doesn’t love/respect you. Sorry. Get your ducks in a row.
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I called an ex my husband was talking to. She sent me everything.
Can you get her contact info and clear the air for her regarding your relationship. Ask her to stop texting and if neither of them comply and he’s unwilling to take the steps to repair your marriage then its probably best you leave, for your own happiness and mental health’s sake.
If he’s not willing to give her up, you have a problem. The moment you voiced that you were uncomfortable, he should have stopped (never should have started in the first place.) Don’t let his actions slide, the more you do, the more he will get away with. Kick his dirty ass out till he comes to his senses, if he doesn’t … move on. You deserve better!
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You beat the fuck out them both! Sounds crazy but it works! 
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Exploit them both, it takes 2 to tango if he respected you he wouldn’t put you in a position where you should feel your not number 1
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No sense in contacting her. They have a relationship, she clearly doesn’t care about you. So calling her isn’t going to change anything. The issue is with him. If he doesn’t want to stop then get your things and go. If she is that important to him that he is willing to risk his family then let it be. You cannot keep a man that does not want to be kept. Better said than done, but I promise you after you leave, you will be relieved.
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I’ve been through something similar with an ex- I was the one in your position.
I begged and begged but he didn’t want to attempt to see things my way— after being with him for five and a half years — I realized (after we split) he totally understand he just didn’t care about me or my feelings.
Don’t wake up in five years and realize you wasted your life on someone who doesn’t value you or your feelings.
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You shouldn’t be begging for his attention. If he won’t respect you enough to stop talking to her or even discuss the situation he’s not worthy of you. Don’t let his actions destroy your spirit. Stand up, adjust your crown and kick that ass hole to the curb.
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Call her and make sure she knows the truth. He is probably lying to her, too. It’s definitely emotional cheating. You have to decide if you’re willing to stay and keep trying or walk away. He has made it clear he doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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Talk to your exs and make him feel the same
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He’s stepping out so there’s something hes not getting out of the relationship. Most of the time it’s not anything you can do to fix it is something he has to fix. Even if you changed everything if he’s not wanting to be there there will still always be a problem. Make peace with it so you can co parent in the best way for the kids, and let him go. It sucks but if you don’t you’ll end up resenting him and everyone will be losing in the end. Move on with as much dignity and respect you can for each other rn.
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He is disrespecting your marriage, you need to stand up for yourself and not put up with any of his shit. Don’t bother talking to his ex at all. Just leave it and tell him he needs to leave cause he’s fucking around with your feelings. If he wants a relationship with your kids let him but you obviously deserve better girl like way better! 
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There is nothing more humiliating a man can do to his wife than rubbing another woman in her face. He is showing you he can have his cake and eat it too. Quit begging him, he is probably enjoying having two women want him. You will never know for sure if this one was the first te he cheated. Time to grow a backbone and start planning a future without him.
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He is giving you the message your not ready hear! Get your ducks in a row…that man on his way out …trying to let you down slow &easy
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Lol if you guys have been together for 10 years, then this ex is basically an old friend. If they have been talking sexually to one another, then there’s an issue. Why are people so against their partner being friends with an ex?
Him speaking with an old friend isn’t cheating. My God people.
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Ypu don’t make him realize anything! He isn’t stupid he just(sadly) doesn’t care about your feelings. Ita different if there were friends from the beg6pf the relationship but the doesn’t sound like the case. Leave him and find your strength taking care of yourself and kids and when your ready find someone that treats you right the first time around
Call the girl to fill her in on the facts, then kick his sorry ass to the curb. Don’t you move out… get him out!
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Get your evidence, call your lawyer and start making your exit moves. I’m sorry, you deserve better, it’s one thing to get in contact with an ex, it’s another all together to let her think your marriage is done and refuse counselling. He’s done he’s just too gutless to end the marriage before finding a new relationship.
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The fact that you have expressed your feelings towards the situation and he continues the behavior is his response. He has let you know where he stands. The decision is yours whether you decide to deal with it, or move forward. What is your deal breaker for your marriage? What will and won’t you tolerate? These are questions you must think about, because from your post it sounds like his decision is made.
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Leave. He will get his shit together quick. Grass always looks greener on the other side until you’re the one stuck having to water it.
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He is already in the dead bag?
Ok but …
It doesnt matter how badly you want to be a family. If HE wants to choose someone else , hes gonna. HE is the only one who can prioritize his life.
You cant make people do what they dont want to do.
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Let me just say that him telling you this DOES NOT MEAN HE RESPECTS YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU. It means he has absofuckinglutely NO respect for you or your marriage. Thats bullshit
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I would’ve left
I mean, why even try to make him stop from cheating, when he is already cheating
I know its easier to say this, but I would leave
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The discussion should not be on him stopping talking to her. You need to make sure that, that man still loves you and then after deal with anything else.
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I would tell him to quit calling her and if he don’t he’s cheating
Always give them the space and opportunity to do the right thing and then see what they would rather do. Get out while you can!!!
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Been there, tried to save my marriage…just leave. He’s not worth what it’s going to do to you and your kids.
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You can block the number if he gets upset leave him!! You can check the phone bill see how often they talk…
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You can’t make someone love you best to get out of it
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So… If they’re just talking, who cares? They’re exes for a reason. And you’ve been together long enough that you should be able to trust him. If not, That is what should be discussed, not him talking to an ex.
If you’re not telling everything and there is inappropriate conversations happening, then you need to seriously sit him down, tell him what you’re feeling, and make sure he knows it needs to stop or you’re gone. I only say something so serious because you say you’ve told him before it bothers you.
But it really sounds like they’re just chatting in which case, try to get over it. It’s not easy, trust me I know, I’ve been there with jealousy in the past. But you need to do it. You don’t own him, he can talk to other people; exes, women, men, strangers, whatever. It sounds like you’re insecure or don’t trust him, and that would need to be fixed and discussed, rather than stopping him from having friends. Exes =/= cheating. My husband is still friends with his exes. I don’t give a shit because I know he isn’t going anywhere. And when friends/strangers do cross a line he puts them in their place. We may not 100% agree on everything and he’s more flirty than I am, but he knows his limits, is never disrespectful, and makes sure boundaries are known and will walk away from people if he, I, or both of us are disrespected. We talk about everything and have made plenty of sacrifices and compromises for each other.
If your partner isn’t doing anything wrong, you have no right to be upset. This is the issue with a society that believes marriage = ownership.
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Trying everything doesn’t work with only you trying. You already know he’s not going to stop. You are delaying the decision by holding onto the hope that things will change. File for divorce. It will either wake him up so he gets his head together, or you’ll know right away you made the right choice.
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Its will hurt for a long while but you will find someone who will appriciate you one day, You will look back at all of this and be happy he was such a dickhead because it allowed you to meet the one you needed! If hes lying to her and you, you do not need him! Sending hugs
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He has already left you I. Every way except physically.
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Oh that sucks. I know how that feels but he obviously doesnt care. I hope you can realize it’s best to leave him if hes choosing to do this.
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Seems like you still want the relationship but he doesn’t, sorry to say 
. But if he ain’t willing to let that ex go especially if it’s hurting and disrespecting to you then he has already made his choice. And momma you aren’t it… I know it hurts to not want to split your family but if you aren’t happy then the home won’t be happy either. You need to pick yourself up momma and know you deserve better then “chasing” your own dam husband. KNOW you deserve love, loyalty and respect back from someone you love and are in a relationship with. It will hurt and will be hard at 1st but it’s always better then sitting there being an option VS the whole choice .
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There’s a lot of great advice on here. Even though they are just talking, it’s still cheating. It’s emotional cheating because he’s sharing part of his life with another woman
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It sounds like you’re the only one who wants to put in effort to make it work. It takes two.
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Do you want to be with an asshole?
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Talking doesn’t mean cheating…
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Been there,it hurts cause unless there are kids involved should have no contact with ex’s.I’d tell him you’re uncomfortable with him talking to her,ask him to stop and if he doesn’t then get out cause it will only cause you heartache if you stay.
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You’re trying to get him to realize something but maybe you’re not realizing what he’s trying to tell you
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Kick him to the curb.
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I think your the one with not idea whats going on not her,. Ring her ask if she’s fuxking your husband and to fuck off🤷
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Just walk away, if he doesn’t respect your wishes in this fashion then he isn’t worth your time.
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Here’s my 2 cents…those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If your husband is having correspondence with another woman and he would assumingely know how that would make you feel…he’s not putting you first, he’s not taking the sanctity of marriage seriously, he’s hiding the truth which is the same as lying. There aren’t any words, tears or threats that will change what he has done to betray you. He knows what he is doing is wrong and has made a conscious decision to do it anyways…so dear mama…what’s YOUR conscience decision given all the facts going to be? We cannot change a person, only adapt to our environment
leave him, he doesnt respect u, he isnt worth it
Hi. Ask him for how long they have been Talking and what is she ofering more than you do? Also pay attention to who is calling- if he calls then IT is a serious problem. If she calls more then he responds because he feels desired. Think about the changes from your marriage since you have the kids and if you have neglected him. Don t impose him to quit because he won t. think about your begining together and bring back memories. Put a nice dress, make up and high heels and go out without him and the kids to meet your Female friends. I used all these tricks and did not push him and it Helped because all he needed was to Be aware that he might loose me anytime and seeing me pretty and having My own life made him reconsider everything and give up on Any posibile Women. Good Luck and stay strong!
Personally my husband is in contact with his ex-fiance. I’m fully aware that they meet up and that they talk a lot. However, I support them doing this. They are nerds on a specific topic that I dont have any clue about. He is very honest with me about when they are going to meet and where. He has also told me that if I am ever bothered he would stop in an instant because our marriage means more than the hobby.
I think the difference for me comes in when I can tell my husband I am uncomfortable and he will cut all ties and stop where as yours has continued the behavior
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If he’s not putting his wife and family first now he never will. There’s a reason he won’t stop talking to her or
Make her disappear for the sake of his family!
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