I went through the same thing. The last time, he wanted to come back and I said hell no. It’s time to leave
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LET HIM LEAVE! you deserve better.
Stop taking him back. Speaking from personal experience… Hes leaving because I’d bet you…hes got a side piece. 
Let him go. Never make a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you whatever the case may be. Let him go, and tell him not to let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you. Stop taking him back. Get therapy and trust me you will be better off without him. It’s hard, but worth it.
Sorry but you can’t change him. Leave him or accept it.
You do know what to do. You just don’t want to face it. Be done with him. For the sake of the kids is the way to say you really don’t want to deal with it. You need to deal with it. He can come visit the kids, but he comes when it’s convenient for you. Then he goes back to whereever he’s staying. What you are allowing is not a good example for the kids. Dad running when he doesn’t like something is not the thing to teach them. Stop doing this to yourself. You are worth more than that, and deserve someone that will treat you right. Read that last line again, then look in the mirror and read it again.
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He’s training you as to what the rest of your life will be like with him. Is that an example you want your kids to do when they grow up? Kick him out once and for all, and gain some self respect!
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Stop letting him back in🤷 your children dont need to see and think that type of relationship is okay, its not. You and your children deserve better👌 dont even warn him. Next time he leaves change the locks and tell him divorce papers are to be signed🤷 your kids would rather a split home than a toxic one.
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You are worth way more then this. Do what makes you happy 
Being with him for the children’s sake only makes it worse on the kids. It will have lifelong effects on not only you but your children. You and your children deserve so much more.
If you keep letting him back for the kids sake you’re going to allow him to keep hurting them.
please let him go and just move forward!
Set yourself some boundaries you are enabling his behavior by allowing him to come and go. Ask yourself what you are teaching your children by doing this. Is this good role modeling from their dad ? No. But you can be a good role model by setting boundaries and not allowing yourself to be treated so poorly. Your children will thank you, because in the long run they will have a happy strong momma to look up to !!
Get rid of him. Sue for child support. Stop having children.
Let him walk out one more time but the next time make sure he knows he ain’t welcome back. When it comes to kids there is no be there when it suits him it’s be there or not at all it will only drag you down and when you get down it will be the kids who suffer your mental health is important for the sake of your babies.
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It’s actually more damaging to the kids to keep taking him back.
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Get tube tied and leave him at his moms. People don’t change
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Leave. Don’t allow your children to grow up with someone whos more than happy to leave them. You’ll find once you leave you and your kids will be much happier.
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Really ur askin for help here well l think u need more help than what know.lol
Dont stay for the kids, it’s prob doing more damage than good, esp since three of them are old enough to see what’s happening. They’ll just grow up seeing an unhealthy relationship and then will likely repeat the same disrespect in their own lives/relationships.
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Stop having kids with him 
and leave him. Life is too short to live that way.
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I kept taking my husband back for my kids sake. They tell me now that they hated that because of the fighting. Its not a good environment fir kids
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He is a crappy guy and dad obviously. Ur not a door mat. He cant come and go as he pleases. And u should just get rid of him. U can be independent and do it on ur own and one day u will find the man u deserve.
Do not let that man come back this time, that is not something a man should do, that will affect the kids in the long run. Tell him to keep his ass at his moms!!
Your as mom is supposed to protect your children instead your hurting them by doing this … Just leave him already
U let him get by with it, u keep letting him return. Divorce him, ask for child support, don’t have anymore babies with him, see your worth and lead your life without him in it except for talking about your kids, and switching the kids out for his visitation. There’s a good man out there for u , he’s not it.
Is he really coming back “for the kids’ sake” if he’s a horrible example of what a man/husband/father should be/do?! You and your kids sound better off without him, honestly! Marriage and raising a family can be hard work, but if he’s not in it to win it, then he can get the f*** out and stay with his mom (who sounds like a horrible person herself to allow him to keep running out on you and use her place to do so). Plenty more REAL MEN out there. Plus, you can do it all on your own without replacing him and still do better.
Leave him and then he gets them every other weekend.
Lady put your big girl panties on, you’re only teaching your kids this is how a woman is supposed to be treated. At the beginning your babies will defend you, but later as they grow and see you let this happen, they will tell you themselves it’s your own fault. Come on you are not the first or last single happy mother
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Darlin…you Know this answer. Do it
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Why are you even asking 
Seriously
Men keep this bullshit up and treat multiple women this way because people ALLOW it.
Stop allowing it, be a strong independent woman, and tell that MFkr to kick rocks
We as women really need to stop letting dudes walk all over us and take a stand. Otherwise things will never change!!!
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The issue is y’all want advice but more as in advice how to get him to act right or get yourself to be okay with it… Cause you already know what you have to do, what you should do… But until you are ready, there you are. You don’t have a hubby/man… You have a man who when it is convenient wants to be there. He needs to grow up, & maybe you do too. Him being there for the kids don’t mean mom has to suffer through him being with her too… But until you’re ready to give him to the streets, there you are.
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Lock the door next time🤷🏻♀️ kids don’t need a part time parent. That is not a job you can check in and out of.
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Calling him a man is nice. He’s a child. A selfish one!
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Next time when you talk about him,you refer to him as the “out Walker” coz real men don’t do what he’s doing. Walk away and don’t look back
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Leave this loser…for good! If you’re miserable, the KIDS will be, eventually, too! They see and know more than you think.
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Does he have a whole other family??? Sounds very suspicious!!!
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Change the locks, get a divorce, find a cute boyfriend - oh and tequila shots to numb the pain. 
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Stop letting him back
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Honestly, you shouldn’t let him come back anymore. If your children grow up seeing that behavior and think that’s okay when it’s not. In a marriage y’all should be a team, and it seems like he doesn’t care. He leaves and comes back when it’s convenient for him, and if your doing everything anyways when he does leave then it might be best if he doesn’t come back.
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He wouldn’t have been able to come back after he left the 1st time.
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Quit taking him back and go on birth control…seems he gets you pregnant to control you pretty sure he’s not going to his mamas.
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I can’t believe this is an actual question. You know what to do, stop being a door mat. Kick him to his “mamas”
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Someone already said it
…you know what to do…just do it…he isn’t a man, and after 4 kids he isn’t changing or growing up. Bye Felicia!
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Leave him and don’t look back. It will be better for and kids. You can’t make a father be in there lives and sometimes it’s for the best. My only regret is not leaving sooner and leaving all that drama behind me. I feel, I wasted years of my life and my kids life on someone who didn’t care then and don’t care now.
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divorce his ass and toss him into the dumpster where he belongs
because nothing’s going to change. Either get him out of your life as completely as you can, or continue to put up with his manipulation.
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Have some self respect and kick him to the curb. I asked for a divorce with 4 kids, 1 of them 4 months old, even gave him my car bc I knew I couldn’t afford the payments. I survived and you will too! Woman up! You deserve better
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It started in 2014 and it’s you that is making excuses and letting him back and having more babies.
Why does he keep acting like that? Because you keep taking his trifling ass back.
Your kids are watching. Your son will learn how to treat a woman and the girls will learn what to allow a man to do.
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You’re not going to like my advice that man stopped loving you and the children a long time ago unfortunate little lady you’re just a piece of ass to him don’t keep that prick around for the sake of the children as they get older they’ll see the truth and before you know it you have problems with your children and when they hit the street trying to find the attention there that they should be getting at home you’ll have problems if you can make it without him hell your doing it now without him worry about yourself and your children I wish you the best of luck keep the faith stay safe stay healthy it hurts but you’ll be okay take care
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You are teaching your kids that his behavior is acceptable because you allow it to continue
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I understand thinking of your children first but you have to be happy in the end. The children will feel what you feel. Know your self worth and do what’s right for you. Your kids will thank you in the end because they will understand as they get older. I’d walk away. Show him that you are strong enough and independent enough to do it alone and maybe then he’ll realize what he’s lost. If he knows that he could come and go as he pleases, he’ll keep doing it. Let him close the door behind him and leave it closed for good!
Let his mama have him.
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Girl, leave. For your children’s sake and also yourself.
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Men do what you allow. You need to do what’s best for you and your children. Be a Queen baby. He doesn’t sound like a Knight in Shining Armor. He’s more like an idiot wrapped in tin foil. Find you a man that will make you and those kids a priority.
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Do you want your children to see you as a door mat?By allowing him to do this you are setting up problems for your children daughters will think its acceptable for a man to treat her that way and sons will think its the way to treat a woman.Next time he goes tell him he’s not coming back and mean it.His mother is not helping she should kick his are out the door.But please for your sake and for your childrens future send him away and stop history repeating itself.Good luck you can do it.
Wow leave him at his damn mum’s as that’s where he wants to be
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wtf kick his sorry excuse of a man to the curb, why you asking for advice when you already know what you need to do, never stay in a relationship for kids worse thing for everyone
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You need to leave him and focus on the kids. Divorce and boom!
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Stop letting him come back !! He knows he can !!! You should have got rid of his sorry ass a long time ago.
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To me it sounds like you’re raising those kiddos on your own & if that’s the case then I’d just boot him & let his mom handle that. Mothers deserve way more help than we get and that’s unacceptable.
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Ma’am, you sat up here and had 4 kids by a man you knew was lazy and comes and go when he please. You know what to do. Why do women say they do this for the kids. What about you? If your mental and physical isn’t in great state then you are most certainly NOT doing this for the kids. You keep letting him back for YOU! The last thing a kid wants to see is their mom hurt. People will only do what you allow. Suck it up, kick him out. God will always make a way… and before anyone say it’s harsh, she should have heard harsh by the 2nd child. It’s time to let go boo
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Your wasting all of your happy days of life.Go make fun happy memories, fet away from the sad bad days asap.He isnt all about doing what needs done and taking care of u. Let him go back to mommys. Youll find a man to love u and want to do stuff for ur kids, just bcuz.From experience, dont waste anymore of u or ur kids time. Peace love and happiness is out there. We love our replacement, dad disappeared when we Separated in 2013. Co parent and ull even get a break from them while w dad. Best of luck momma
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One saying to remember “ it’s better for a child to have two happy homes then one miserable home.” I stayed with my kids dad out of wanting kids to have a dad, but after cheating on me a couple times then leaving me for someone else; boy did my life become easier and happier.
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Okay well first…don’t have any more kids with him.
Second. Know your worth and value your children’s happiness; file for divorce.
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Walk away, now. I promise you it is better for the kids than staying with him, letting him walk in and out like a revolving door. It will be hard but I promise it will be worth it. For your sanity and the sake of your kids, y’all deserve better.
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This time, you walk out on him. I put up with someone like him, and then he left for good to be with* another woman. Tried coming back once he realized she wasn’t going to take care of him like I did, but it wasn’t the same for me. Once I fully cut him out, my son and I really started living.
It’s gonna slowly drain the life out of you if you live your life next to someone you can’t count on.
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Divorce, alimony/child support. You deserve better but even more important than that your KIDS deserve better.
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You keep accepting it so he will keep doing it. You cannot change other people. You can only change yourself. I’d never make myself miserable or play games with my kids heads by letting him back. Not ever. I’m a single mom and love being happy.
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If your asking for advice… then you already know what you need to do. Leave him. File for divorce. Stay because of kids is the worst thing to do with your kids. They see and feel all. A child needs unconditional love to feel it and see it. Staying in this relationship is not giving them that. Don’t give 2 shits what others or family thinks. If your not happy those kids ain’t happy. It will be hard. We as women are stronger than we think. Do it 1 day at a time and don’t look back. Best of luck to you sweetie
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He’s telling you that he don’t want “family life” with you. As hard as it is for you to admit it to yourself, you’ve got to make up your mind and decide when enough is enough. This situation is not healthy for you or your kids. Good luck and God’s speed!
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Best advice I ever heard was from a counselor who asked, if this was your child who was married with children and this was happening to her, would it be ok? If your answer is no, then you should consider making some changes as your children are being taught to accept this as normal. Those changes are yours to make, however difficult that may be. You will never be able to change someone else.
Would you be able to talk with his mum, not complain, just ask what would she do. If that doesn’t work. Ask him is he lazy, or just doesn’t know how to help. And after all they his kids to. One day they will grow up, and be the ones asking him. Questions.
For the children’s sake, you should set standards for yourself and not settle. It sucks that it’s their dad that has to go, but would you want your daughter to settle for someone like that? You’ll never have the chance for Mr. Right to come along when Mr. Wrong is taking up all of your time and setting bad examples for your kids. He can stay at his mom’s. He made his choice, make him live with it and close that door so you can move on.
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Your kids need to grow up in a normal, functioning home. Built on love, kindness and gratitude. They don’t need to be exposed to an unhealthy situation or they will grow up to be a product of their dad and environment so they cannot make good decisions when they become adults. That IS NOT what you want for those poor children. Start putting them first or find a family for them so that they may have normal lives!!
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Let him know next time he walks out there won’t be anything to come back to, and keep that promise! Change the locks or make arrangements to be in a different place, whatever is achievable. leave the kids available to him but do not let him keep coming back after walking out.
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He not being a supportive husband…he needs to grow up…your better of on your own…make him pay child support and let him go…
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File for divorce. Your children don’t did to see their mom being treated that way. That type of environment is not healthy for them. You are a very strong woman who seems to have been raising them by yourself to begin with. Good luck and you’ve got this momma!!
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If he wants to leave tell him to done one and don’t come back never be with someone just for your kids they will pick up that your not happy
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You don’t need advice. You need a lawyer. He’s already shown you what he wants and what he is. Believe him. Time to do what’s best for you and your children (that’s a divorce). By staying with him, you are teaching your children to accept this kind of behavior from their future significant others. Want better for them? Show them better. Throw the whole husband away. Asap.
Do not assume that the only man who will love and take care of your children is their biological father. Sometimes children are better off having a stepparent as a positive role model than just learning negative behavior patterns that they see their parent commit. Tell him you are done if he doesn’t want to step up, work on yourself and any issues you may have that would have allowed you to be in a relationship like this in a first place (please don’t assume judgement from me, I was this person) and find someone who will love you, thereby showing your children a healthy relationship and help you build a home. There is a podcast Divorce Doctor that also has some really good advice for women thinking about divorce.
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Letting him come back for the children’s sake your teaching your kids its okay to treat people with disrespect. Let him stay gone got to the court house file for legal separation to prevent him from running up your bills making you pay for them file for child support too. FYI whether he wants to claim children or not in many states if your married the children are automatically considered product of marriage and he would still have to pay for them. I have a cousin paying for a child that is not his. But if this keeps up your kids are going to be just as disrespectful as he is. Next time he leaves change the locks do not give him a key.
Do the appropriate steps to be happy.
If you are unhappy, unhealthy and exhausted then it’s time to stop and notice that. You have been doing all the work on your own anyway so what is the point on taking on a responsibility of trying to make a toxic relationship work? There’s literally no reason to try to make it work for someone who clearly doesn’t want it to work.
Move on! You will be so much happier to not have to stress about someone who’s not worth your time.
I recommend a book I recently read, the mastery of love from Don Miguel Ruiz. He does a fine job at explaining how to love yourself before you can love another and from what you are explaining here… you are settling for something that is not love. It dont sound easy to walk out of a marriage but its easier than to force yourself into a toxic one.
Quit taking him back! He’ll walk all over you as long as you allow him too! My ex did different crap but basically the same. The minute I decided I nor my kids were going to go thru that anymore I felt SO much better about myself! Time to do what’s best for you!!!
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Please stop asking for him to come home. Its hard yes, but he’s not interested. Its for the children’s sake they don’t see him trating you this way and not participating. Something is emotionallyvwrong with him and he needs to figure himself out and his mom sounds like she’s enabling him.
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If he wants to leave then let him, but tell him next time he leaves DON’T COME BACK, this is it. You have to stand strong and be firm and not let him back in to the house. Your better off with out him, you need to do what is best for YOU, plus you don’t want to confuse your kids with him always coming back & leaving again! You need to provide the kids with a stable home, not one where daddy comes and goes at his convenience. Good luck.
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Ask yourself honestly, would you want your kids in a relationship like this when they grow up? If the answer is no then you know what to do. If you know how he is then only you can make a difference. If you want to stay then come up with a compromised plan and tell him if he leaves again don’t bother coming home.
Don’t let him come back. You’re already taking care of those kids and now, no matter how hard you try to teach them different, your son’s are going to think it’s ok for then to do the same when they get older or your daughters are going to think that it’s normal and alright for their partners to do it to them. If you are letting him come back for the kids sake then let him leave and be done with him for your kids sake. Parenting is a two way street and kids are smarter than anyone gives them credit for and if you aren’t happy then you can’t give your kids the 100 percent mom they deserve
You don’t want your kids thinking this is ok, do you? Do what’s best for those babies AND for you. I PROMISE it’ll be hard, but it gets SO much easier. You’ve got this!
My lady on your first child was more then enough to tell u he was not part of more less the father of children.
- Don’t come back.
2.help u forget it. - Moms boy maybe.
- Divorce. ? Very costly.
- Are you ok to pay all bills.
7.he will never change.
8.does he work. - Make easy on yourself leave him with kids go out .
10 when u experience life alone slowly move on. NO MORE CHILDREN IT WILL BE TOUGH THINK BEFORE YOU JUMP INTO A WORSE SITUATION.
.
After 4 kids, you know what to do, you just want to hear it several times for validation, but you can do bad by yourself… Do you really want your kids to keep seeing you get disrespected? Don’t believe you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers 
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Contact an attorney and have divorce papers served to mommys house. File for an emergency custody order for the kids on the basis of abandoment (which is what he keeps doing). Why you would continue to have children with someone who keeps walking out on you because he doesnt know how to be an adult is beyond me.
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- You don’t have 4 kids, y’all have 4 kids. 2. If he wants to leave let him leave, the grass is not greener on the other side. 3. Your children deserve better. 4. Be strong and do what’s best for you and your children, since he obviously isn’t.
Do your research before you hear from anyon3. I would yell at mothers for staying. Now i say hush and do research. My ex pulled a fast one because i didnt think. I listened. Now i am in a hard place. One mom battle. Shes on fb. I am going thru court stuff. Girl research b4 u jump. Pls
You are constantly giving him chances to change, but he wasted all of those chances and now you are exhausted taking care of your 4 children. Just remember that it isn’t your fault and this time do not attempt to give him one more chance because he will just ruin you and your children, if you’ll still accept him that’s self-destruction. Pray and ask for guidance, leave him and live a happy life because life is to short to suffer! Life is to precious to be wasted! God Bless!
Time to get some self worth he walks out you let him do so you let him back in is the issue. He walks away from responsibility you can do bad all by yourself. He continues because you let him you keep having kids to keep him how that working out for ya sista? Girl nooo!!
You know what to do, you & your children deserve much better & it’s up to you to do it! Get him out!!
Divorce him and u get full custody of the children. Then he has to get a job and pay child support. The kids will be happy this way
First of all you have to put your kids and you first! You know that he is NOT going to change! You are going to have to change for you and your kids. You have to love them more than you will ever love him. He will always bring you and them down. You aren’t doing them any good by letting him keep coming back. It is better that they be raised by a strong mother than a bum/lazy father and worried mother! You have to show them the valve of hard work. You need to pull yourself together and leave him!
First of all when he leaves and go to his moms house go to nearest hardware store buy you some new locks and put them on then next thing you do go down to nearest childsupport office and file on him and then pack up his stuff clothes etc send him a text telling him has 30 days to get itput it somewhere outside where it won’t get damaged or rain on if not pick up within the 30 days you can legally dispose of it but make sure keep the text to show that you gave him notice Good Luck
Kick him out and don’t let him come back. If you really have your kids best interest at heart you would give them a stable home, not one where daddy comes and goes at his convenience.
Get him out of your life completely. You don’t need that back and forth. You and your children will be much better served being without him and developing a routine and a plan. Change the locks. And get a lawyer. Now !