It could be him adjusting to the night shift &/or depression. Remember, men go through things as well. Maybe try being a little kinder & asking him how he’s doing.
I’m impressed he can sleep that long in the day. I did nights for just over a year and my body never got used to having more than a couple of hours. Two years later and my body clock is so messed up. From his response it would seem he is unhappy too but wants you to give him that push.
Tell him to get a different job ,life is short,my husband is 3rd,terriable,no partys ,no holidays,you miss everything,same thing,sleep eat, work, it is a different world,bad if you have children
I work those hours and my husband too those hours are cruel to the body and it takes about a year too get use to but give him time to adjust .Ik I still sleep at times til the last minute but u should try it to understand him at least he’s working for his family.it’s a hard shift to get get use to a lot of people can’t handle those hrs.
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I do this shift and I have a four year old daughter I have to look after on the three days she’s not at nursery as I’m a single mum… your lucky if I get 16 hours of sleep a week. So I don’t think it’s fair on your or your kids to have to put up with him sleeping for that long. For everyone saying cut him some slack that I don’t agree with yes it’s freaking hard but you gotta do what you can when you have a family! Family time is more important than any amount of sleep in my eyes! It won’t ever get easier.
Third shift is a really hard shift to work, period. Although you didn’t state what kinda work he is doing, just the hours can be difficult. My mom worked third shift when I was young and she slept all day too.
Night shift is incredibly hard on the body’s time clock. I did it for nine months and could never adjust. I literally did the same thing; work, sleep, eat, repeat. Some people adjust and do fine and can be up by 3 to 5 pm. I was not one of them. I know you are frustrated and need his help and participation. His response to you is out of frustration. Don’t take it personally. He needs to inquire what is involved in moving to another shift. It is probably based on seniority. If his body simply cannot adjust, he may need to look for other work.
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He could get up around 2.30 and go back to bed at 6 for a few hours 
that’s what I did sleep the school run times cook tea spend time with the kids then get a couple more hours sleep before leaving at 9pm nights are hard but I still made time for my bf and kids x
Night shifts are a killer… did them for 6 years… still needed more sleep than a day shift worker… several relationship breakdowns and isolation from normality… I gave them up and got a day job, sometimes money just ain’t worth the loss!
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Nights are awful x takes a long time to get used to it!
I would be more focussed and concerned with the
Do us both a favour!
Maybe unfortunately your time together should end if he feels that way!
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Night shift is extremely rough. It’s the opposite of what our body is used to. He may just not be fully adjusted to it yet. Some people’s body never truly adjust and they just feel tired all the time cause when they are " supposed " to sleep they are awake so there body stays trying to catch up. I understand you frustration to though. If your really wanting to make things work you may just give him a little more time for him to get used to being awake all night working, and it’s hard to sleep during the day, between kids, the light, and your body, some of the time he’s in bed he may not be sleeping but tossing and turning trying to sleep. Idk that’s just my opinion. Iv seen first hand how rough night shift can be on someone. Maybe if his night shift job doesn’t work for your family would he be willing to try to find a day shift job? Night shift jobs are hard with kids.
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I can see this from both sides, as a night shift worker myself I know that it takes time for your body to adjust but I also understand you want to spend time as a family. I don’t agree with the way he has spoken to u though, maybe try and have a couple of set evenings where he comes down a bit earlier and u atleast all eat together
I’m concerned that he only started a month ago and your already saying his schedule isn’t working for you. U say he’s on his 3rd shift and ur on his case for not being awake during the day. If u need that much support maybe look into your own insecurity as he needs time to adjust to the new hours expected of him.
You’ve only given him a month to adjust, before you complained. That says a lot. Some people never adjust. Sounds like he needs some vitamins to make up for lack of sunlight. You need some patience. Y’all both need to work on communication.
I work nights. 12 hour shifts. Most days I sleep 4 -5 hours. I try to hang with the kids and cook dinner before I go to work. It does take some getting used to because it throws off you circadian rhythm. His response was off the wall though. I sometimes get a little crabby but that was disrespectful.
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I’d give him an ultimatum… either buck his ideas up and be the father he should be or pack his bags and go. It maybe hard but if your already doing it on your own with him there you can easily do it without him there. A marriage is about partnership and by the sounds of it he’s forgotten what that means 
This literally could have been me writing this earlier this year!
I was absolutely exhausted carrying everything the household and mental load with 3 boys (1 of whom was my step son)I tried everything and tried speaking to him, counsellor, family support worker etc to try and help our family and his reaction was very similar he just wasn’t interested and shrugged it off and it was making me poorly.
Sadly he also had some temper issues and insecurities also.
I left in March and I’m now a single parent and absolutely furious as it has took me months to feel alive again! For him after a couple of weeks after I left to move on with another woman who supposedly is moving in during the six weeks holiday!! He now all of a sudden has gone back on days - school hours too! and literally couldn’t be any more opposite than what he was when we were together cooking, cleaning etc he has turned into mr domesticated!
Furious is an understatement as I gave up my own identity and put myself last. So my advice would be … don’t be a fool! he should also be having that conversation with you and working out what can be done to help, it isn’t fair you are doing everything and it is exhausting - if he isn’t and that’s his response - do yourself a favour as that’s totally disrespectful and selfish xxx
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His remark to you saying, " why you don’t you just throw me out and do us both favor" said everything that you need to hear. There is your answer regarding what to do. He clearly doesn’t respect you and his children. It sounds like he is working a lot purposely to avoid being home. Telling you to throw him out was so uncalled for. He is looking for a way out without being the bad guy. Tell him to kick fucken rocks and do YOU and then celebrate the new upcoming chapter of your life.
Hmmm this is weird. We had a 7 year old and a 18 month baby and I worked 3 or 4 nights a week as I cud earn as much doing the 5 day, 9-5 but without the childcare fees. Hubby had a steady day job and was at home evenings and obviously thru the night wiv our kids. My shift was 10-7. When I got home at 07.30 hubby had got the kids up and started their breakfast or fed them already. He wud go to work and I’d do the school run. I’d bath the baby and she’d nap from 11-2, so I slept with her. I’d do the school pick up at 3, then home, do homework, cook dinner, then hubby was in by 4.30 (he worked 8-4), we’d eat together, then I’d go to bed and sleep til 9 pm. Hubby looked after the kids while I slept and he’d put them to bed. I was permanently tired but we did what we needed to do for a year. Night shifts are a killer but we did it, and it was reverse cos I’m the female and I did the nights but hubby stepped up and did his bit too. Your husband is acting like a child. He needs to get his head out of his ass and participate in family life. If he’s struggling to be a husband that’s one thing but he needs to be a father, regardless of anything else. If u kick him out or he leaves, he still needs to be a father to the children. Stop trying to talk to him about it, you’re managing without him so just keep going. Make plans without him. Let him see u getting on wiv life. Leave him to wallow for a month then talk to him agen but not now. I’ve been there and I’ve done the night shifts, he’s being unreasonable but if u wanna save your marriage then just leave him b for another month. Give him the benefit of the doubt and time to wonder why u haven’t nagged him. Gud luck
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My partner works 6-6 2 days 2 nights and four off. Its his pattern. On his night shift days he’s in bed by 8, up at 1/2. But he’s not one to laze around.
I had an ex who worked nights. All he did was sleep, eat and work. Was a miserable soul for it too. One of the reasons we broke up.
Eat sleep and work. Is unhealthy to the mind- that’s my opinion
I work part time 4/5 days a week doing 4-6 hours a day. I start at 4am so up at 3am. I then come home and look after the kids. A just turned 1 year old and a 3 year old who is deaf and potentially autistic. I also run a chocolate business. It’s extremely hard work being a mum and doing everything. We don’t just sit on our bum all day. We are forever doing something. My husband works opposite shifts to me so I don’t see him often and he’s always late home by a couple of hours. He’s a bit of the same, falling asleep all the time, doesn’t really help out much. And it does get me really irrate when I feel like I’m doing everything. So you’re not overreacting. You don’t need that much sleep. He should want to get up and spend some time with his kids and you. If he doesn’t then it’s his kids missing out more than anything. They are only kids for a little while and then they grow up! He needs to be more respectful and help out a lot more. Yeah it’s hard working night shift, I’ve done and so has my husband but you get used it to. He needs to make more effort and I hope he does. Have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you’re feeling. I hope you get him to help around more. And take some pressure off of you.
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New job third shift and nights too nights take some right getting into with your body system and everything maybe give him some slack until he gets into swing of it, i agree with him abit just started new job getting settled and u already moaning and going at him
Third shift workers never get solid sleep. You are always chasing sleep. I work 3rd shift at least 3 nights a week. I then try to have a “normal” schedule on my days I dont work. Adjusting takes a long time. Night shift workers are chasing sleep and taking it wherever they can get it. Have patience with him.
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I am a night shift worker and have been for 20 years doing 12hr shifts . If you have never done night shift you will never understand how much it takes it out on your body
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Depends what he does on his days off? 
Does he interact then? If not then there is a deeper issue, if he is part of the family on days off then I’d say nights is just taking its toll. I do 12 hour night shift and get up to do the school runs (have about 5hours sleep if lucky) but everyone is different 
He needs to take some cement pills, fancy sleeping for that long and just got up to go to work without lifting a hand to help around the house.
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I don’t think you are over reacting at all he is still a parent and should be part of the family there is no need for him to be sleeping over 12 hours that would also annoy me
I worked 15 years nurse’s aid . The shift’s hard to adjust. Your body isn’t used to being up all night . Messes up your internal clock
My husband works two jobs. He works 10pm-7am on one job…than has to be to his other job from 11am-7pm. He gets about 3 hrs asleep a day, from 7am-10am and than gets up for the next job. We have 4 kids, 11,6,4,4months… I don’t make him to anything around the house since he works too much. My kids are very active in sports and he makes sure he makes it to all their games and everything they like to do. But when he has a day off he will sleep a good 16 hrs. Which is fine with me because he is catching up on his rest.
He had been doing it for about 3 years but it did take him about a month to adjust. I work full time also and make sure everything at home is taken care of w/ the kids & everything. It is definitely manageable, but it is a tough shift. I’ve also realized that if he sleeps too much, he’s actually more tired. So maybe he could be getting too much sleep?
I work nights 3 nights a week and only go to bed for about 3-4 hours.i get up to spend time with my hubby and he’s always telling me to go back to bed and get more sleep ( but ì dont) my shifts ate 9.30pm till 8.00am I go to bed about 11am and get up at 2.00pm.think he might make the effort to spend more time with you and your kids
Yes I think you are overreacting he just started a new job 11 to 7 with a lot of people have a hard time handling in your bitching were you bitching when he wasn’t working do you like having a paycheck a lot of people sleep 12 hours yes I think you’re overreacting especially when he just started 11 to 7 I don’t know maybe it’s just me but at least he comes home to sleep he’s irritated he’s tired he’s liable to say things that he he doesn’t really mean you’re not working then what’s your problem leave him alone let him do what he needs to do you have a few minutes here and there take that time stop nagging him he’s already tired and irritable a lot of people can’t handle that shift
I’ve been working night shift for almost my whole working career which is like 53 years just be patient it’s hard for some people
Honestly it sounds like you guys could use some professional counseling if you’re not ready to call it quits. His responses are the concerning part. Maybe ask if that’s what he wants?
Humam body does NOT need that much sleep.
Does he have sleep apnea? If he does, a ventilator will work wonders.
Damm girl. If hes working and providing for the family cut him a break! Are u working too? 3rd shift is the worst for your body and for maintaining a relationship unless u are both on that shift. I know. I’ve been on both ends of that. U need to be sympathetic to him having started a new job on a new shift. It takes a WHILE for the body to acclimate to that schedule if it ever truly does with having kids in the house. So yes
Over reacting
He either needs to get his shit sorted or he needs a new job! He needs to take care of more then just his job, and everyone else here is wrong, your body doesn’t need a 12 hours + sleep!
Imagine life without that money that pays your rent, utilities and food. You would leave him absolutely give the man time to adjust. Obviously keeping a household is just as much as a full time job, imagine if he came home and gave you grief because something isnt to his liking. That being said your a female and can easily change your situation. It’s a partnership and if it’s not working change something.
3rd shift is hard to get used to. Give him more time to adjust. Took me at least a year to get used to it
unless u put ur self in his work shoes,u will never know how it feels to be up all night and who knows how much bullshi he puts up with at work.
Sounds depressed to me. Ask him about what’s bothering him. If he still dosnt fess up or change you need to lay down the law shape up or ship out and grow up.
Hi I do 3 nights at those shifts after 3 rd night I don’t do 2 bed till around 6 pm so I get time 4 my family and my other half then it 3 day shifts tell him or get rid
Asking him to get up & be with you at 5 & be awake until he starts work at 11 is unfair. It’s like asking someone who starts at 8AM to get up at 2AM before going to work!!
I work 12 hour night shift and if i can stay in bed for 12 hours i will xxx
If he answered me like that I’d say alright go as he ain’t bothered in slightest in your relationship or kids.
He told you, the bitching is the issue. And yes, you’re overreacting.
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What about days off what’s he like then
Trust me I used to work night shift as well and all I wanted to to was sleep.
Talk to him. His behaviour is typical of someone who is suffering from depression
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It kinda sounds like he’s depressed
Get rid, he clearly doesn’t deserve you x
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Once he gets used to the job I’m sure his sleeping pattern will change
At least he goes to work.
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Nah. He’s already done. And, if you think he is sleeping that whole time…he is avoiding. And, I am willing to bet he specifically looked for a job that was 3rd shift. Get yourself and the kids prepared to move on and kick daddy out. It’s over.
Your approach sounds a tad confrontational and it sounds like some resentment has set in for you.
He sounds stressed and possibly depressed. Not seeing the sun can have an effect on us mentally.
I would suggest finding a way to release your resentment so he feels comfortable opening up and then you can both address whatever the issue is together.
Do you work or s stay home mom
Working nights really messes with your brain as well as your body
You’re the problem. You’re always overreacting. You know it,he knows it, now we know it. It’s probably why he stays in bed for 12 hours. To get away from you
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My bf worked over night as well and didn’t sleep 12+ hours… 6 hrs so he can adorns time with me and our son.
I think there is no excuse for his response. There could be serious problems at work he is not talking about.
I would also add, I do those hours myself. It is known the human body is designed to be sleeping those hours. It is not natural to be awake at 5am. When I do those hours, it takes me days to get over it. To do it constantly would be a huge stain on the body. But to sleep 12 hours is not a good idea either.
I would tell him to get a different job…not a night shift. It may pay more blah blah blah but in reality he is definitely missing out on family especially his three kids? The comment with him saying “kick me out and do both of us a favor” clearly shows he isn’t too happy. I would definitely sit down and have a LONG talk…
Nope…x You’re not being selfish mumma💗 he’s having his cake and eating it too (so it seems)… boot him and his bs…
Yes you are over react a bit as shift work is tiring
Staying in bed for 12 hours I would say is a bit much… Maybe 8 or 9 yes. As for not getting up to help you with the kids, he needs to realise he’s a parent as well and needs to have an input despite working night shift. It’s all about team work… And if he’s speaking to you like that, get him in the fkn bin 
cos I can bet if you spoke to him like that, then there would be world War 3 kicking off. Maybe you should remove yourself from the house with your kids, leave him and see if he realises how much he’s hurt you… Might make him see sense. And if your starting to feel like his skivvy then knock that sh1t head once and for all. No man despite how tired they are should never speak to there woman like that:heart:
My husband works from 6pm to whenever they are done sometimes till 6am.
(To be fair most nights it’s about 3:30)
He still gets up and “helps me” with our kid. No excuse!
I work 9am till 5:00pm and he keeps her while I work. He doesn’t get much sleep at all.
But he does what he has to do to make our family work.
Sounds like you need a new man
Listen I worked those hours it’s not easy but he is supporting
Yes you are try working that shift
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He sounds depressed.
Consider a job change
So yeah kick him out
He clearly works hard!! LET HIM GET THE SLEEP HE DESERVES AND NEEDS!! Otherwise he’ll make himself ill !!! Your being VERY SELFISH!!! 
Sounds like we do the exact same shift patterns. I usually sleep 7.30am- 3pm but I’m like a zombie the rest of the afternoon/night. Brain fog/ tired/no energy/feel sick but I make a point of being up and present. It’s no wonder depression rates are higher in nightshift workers.
Nights are horrible but Tbf it sounds like my life before I was with my ex he was a postman on nights and he did the exact same thing and we argued all the time even on the weekends he would do this and said the same thing
We were together 24 yrs and he was probably cheating on more than a few times
I’m not saying he is at all but the response you get and the fact he don’t wanna spend any time in the day not even dinner with the kids says a lot
Look really hard into is this what life you want
I’m single now and have been for 6 years from my ex and yes was cheating
I’m so much happier now hard work being single with 2 kids but it’s not that constant walking on egg shell life
Good luck x
Night shift is hard on the whole family. I would suggest he take part in dinner bath time routine to help. Is it hard labor? Will he switch back to day shift eventually. If he doesn’t want to help and respect the family he helped create and would rather be “kicked out”, then decision should be made for you and the kids. WILL he get a new job ( because literally the whole country is hiring) or does he want to be stuck in something that benefits no one.
I just started a new job and work a normal shift 8-5 and I’m still having trouble with my sleep. I just work eat sleep and shower, Just try to let him adjust for a bit
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Being in bed 12 hours may not equal 12 hours of sleep. I used to work swing shifts, and when I was on nights it was hard to sleep, because daytime is NOISY. Traffic, lawnmowers, the guy in the alley revving his car engine, kids playing…etc. I’d probably wake up at least three times during the 10 or so hours I had allowed for sleep. I am not one that goes back to sleep easily, but I would try. Working nights is horrible on those who are not wired that way.
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I worked 3rd shift and it takes awhile to adjust to time difference from other shifts…and I remember getting home around 7-8 shower and eat then hit the sack till 6-7pm, eat and get ready for work…only time it changed was if I had a Dr or Dental app in morning…
As someone who’s husband worked 3rd shift for 3 years… during a pregnancy, birth, and almost 2 years of that babies life…. He can get up at 5 or 6 to help. Now I will say unless you have worked 3rd shift you do not understand how shitty that day sleeping is and how shitty you feel. It literally drains them. The sleep is nothing compared to sleeping at night. However it’s not an excuse. Marriage should have compromise… now if he has a really bad night at work let him sleep…. But other than that he should still prioritize you and your needs of his sleep.
Night shifts are horrible. It’s hard to adjust and your always tired no matter what. It’s so hard on a person to do night shifts. It is unreasonable to he so upset. I get why you feel that way but as long as he is on nights there isn’t much else he can do. Maybe get up an hr earlier and spend time with yall but other than that he can’t do much
I understand that working puts food on the table. But is there other employment he could possibly get that would allow him to spend more time with the family? Working big hours normally means good $$ but honestly, I don’t think I could put a price on time with my family. As long as you can keep a roof over their head and food on the table, screw the long hours. You can get another job, you don’t get a another chance at raising your kids. 
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Put the kids in day care and you get a job so he can quite and find a normal shift. Problem solved.
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Working nights is a whole different breed of animal. It takes time for your body to adjust! I’ve been doing nights for 15 yrs and there’s still days I’m in bed 10-12hrs…not a lot of them but they happen…give him time to adjust to the night shift it’s a hard shift to adjust to
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There’s no point in justifying your side or his side. Him saying that you kicking him out would be a favor is a sign. It’s not just for sleep. He doesn’t want to be there. Imo he made it clear what he wants. I doubt he’ll make the time even if it’s what he should be doing.
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Dr apt maybe his testosterone levels are off that can effect men alot in many different ways 
3rd shift is a really big adjustment. He’s probably still trying to adjust to it. Once he gets adjusted to the shift it’ll probably be different. You’ve got to be supportive third shift isn’t an easy shift to work on because you don’t get to see your family as often as you want and when you are able to do things with them you are tired. Third shift you are bone tired.
I know when I was on grave shift I had a hard time getting sleep…most times I could be in bed all day and get little to no sleep…your body isn’t meant to sleep during the daylight hours. Idk if this is the cause but is it possible that the noise from 3 kids and yourself keeping him awake and/or waking him up so much that he doesn’t feel like he has slept? I personally have not done grave shift once I was a mom and probably couldn’t do it again unless I had no other choice…it’s a tough shift in my opinion…no matter what age you are. Although I think his reactions and comments are uncalled for, it might also be from frustration of being tired all the time. Maybe come at the situation a different way…if he’s not sleeping well ask why and if it because he gets woken up…try being more quiet, ear plugs, blackout curtains (or blankets over windows), white noise machine, take kids somewhere a couple days a week for a few hours (park, play dates, long walk). Good luck Mama…I know you’re at your ropes end…especially if he was a very interactive father, and I know you need a break also. Hopefully he will get a better sleep schedule or he can get on another shift soon.
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This is how I was when working the night shift. It takes a lot more out of your body than a normal day shift. I literally could not function unless I got my full amount of sleep, but it’s often difficult to stay asleep during the day. I would wake frequently, so it would take longer to get the amount of sleep I needed. I don’t know your exact situation between you and your spouse, but maybe a little empathy would go a long way.
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I had that same EXACT problem
If he wanted to make time he would my Fiancé works the same hours , and makes it a point to get up early atleast 3 times a week before work so we can spend time together, plus his days off our spent with me .
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It’s the "do us both a favor " comment for me. Nahhhh. I understand 3rd shift adjustment… but to say that.tuhhh 
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Tbh I did nights for 13?yrs and I didn’t do much else but work and try to sleep . It’s really hard on your body and your sleep is not good quality most of the time when you do manage to drift off . My ex husband still mentions to the kids he feels I was unreasonable in asking them to be quiet xx
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3rd shift is very hard to adjust to I was on 3rd shift for 2 yrs and I was the same way I wanted to sleep from the time I got home until it was time for work again.
My husband worked nights for over 5 years… It was sooo hard! For us both! I don’t think my husband ever really got use to the time change, he too would be tired all the time, it didn’t matter how much he slept he was always so exhausted. I will say that no matter how long my husband was laying there didn’t mean he was “actually” sleeping, he was fighting to sleep, even though he was exhausted, bc his body knew it’s light out, so it was hard to get into that deep good sleep.
I used to work third, and only sleep for 20 minutes to an hour after my shift to make sure I was still spending the day with my kid. Let him sleep a little yeah, but I think he could and should compromise with you and create a schedule that both makes you happy.
He needs to adjust to that shift. But ask yourself did he do much with ya’ll before the job
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Mine too and he only has one day off a week 
My hubby drives 4hrs every week day for work so I don’t see him until about 6pm and he eats dinner with us hangs out with me for an hour or two and heads to bed about 9pm but on the weekends his full attention is on the kids and I. Does he spend time with you on weekends?! It doesn’t bother me during the week while his working but if he spent no time with us on the weekends it would
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3rd shift is brutal esp in beginning. Let him adjust a bit.
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when I worked the night shift, I was tired all day & pretty much stayed in bed, all day until it was time to get up to go to work, It was horrible, I really didn’t sleep well. If it wasn’t for the money I would have gotten off the shift early, But after 3 yrs & some very nice money, I finally did decide I had enough & found a position on the 3-11 shift 
Give your husband some time, a month isn’t long for his body & mind to adjust to the different time,
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My husband works 7pm-7am. Gets home at 7:30ish, showers and then sits down to visit with me. Goes to bed about 10am give or take depending how tired he is. Then he gets up at 4:30pm so he can eat dinner and have time with us before he leaves at 6:30. He works Southern swing shift so he also alternates working days. Day shift he leaves before we get up but gets home 7:30pm showers and hangs out with me until 9:30pm. The first year of this schedule was harder and he slept more so if it’s new maybe give it time
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This was given to me now I would like to pass it to you