My bf did the night shift and was the same way, they are tired and miss out on the day, it’s a different thing to adjust to, and even tho it seems like it would be the same as working during the day, it isn’t….I’ve learned with relationships, men respond poorly to nagging or complaining, gotta find a way to word things and show appreciation, maybe try “I appreciate how hard your working for our family, I sure miss your face and the kids do, how about we try to plan something at this time a little before you head to work maybe once a week, it would mean a lot to us”
A real man will try to make something work, if not then be to busy for him, and he will eventually be like well dang like I miss my family and wanna resort back to your idea and if he doesn’t well then tell him go kick some rocks.
You are not overreacting.
Working all night is pretty hard and so I completely understand why he needs sleep. But it also sounds like he’s depressed. Maybe you should kick him out…and see if that helps either of you.
Sometimes it really does help.
I know that when my ex left me for another woman of course I was sad but I also felt…free.
You are fighting the wrong battle… let him sleep imagin he wakes up n goes to side chuck khona manje u nagging to get up you will motivate him to wake up and go … koti let him sleep
He’s putting his body through hell for his family.
My husband works 8pm to 8 am Tuesday to Saturday. Worked nights for the last 5 years, it definitely takes a toll on him and his brain/ & body working overnights. He usually sleeps until about 1230 then he’s up for the day to get things done, but it does take getting used too.
How about days off? Does he waste the whole day off in bed also? My significant other used to work 12hour night shifts. 6pm-6am. 4 days working 3 days off. Then it flipped 3 days working 4 days off. He still participated in every day he slept from maybe 6:30-12 some days not even that and then spent the rest of the day awake and doing whatever with the kids and I.
Bottom line it sounds like he is choosing to not participate in the family. He is using working nights as an excuse to avoid the family. I’m sorry this is happening to you. If he isn’t willing to fix the relationship then I strongly suggest trying to put you and the kids as your first priority. Make yourself happy and do what you need to for you and your kids. He will either catch on and realize you don’t need him to be happy and content or he will try to fix himself and his actions to join in your happiness.
He’s taken the piss why does anyone need 12 hours sleep after nightshift he should be doing chores and helping out with the kids too lazy sod 
I worked 3rd shift for years,it takes a toll on your body…
It will make you old quick… I just wish that I could have slept like that instead of 3 or 4 hours. He will adjust to it, give him time.
I wish do 8.15 - 7.45 nightshift lucky if I get 4 hours
If he just switched to third shift its rough. It takes some time to adjust and get used to
It Will Make you old fast.
You’re not overreacting. He’s either depressed or wants out or both. I’m sorry! If he needs mental health support hopefully he can get that.
Live your life without him, even if you still live together for a while. Just do what you and the kids need, and let him crack on.
Over time, if he wants to be connected to you and the kids, he will. The more you nag him the more he will pull away.
Been working 6P-4:30A for 12 years. Not easy, probably a good thing I live by myself.
My husband works nights and I work days. I drop the kids off and he picks them from school/daycare.
My hubby works nights. We have 4 kids and I work during the day. So, his average is about 4-6 hours of sleep a day. We are hoping this improves after our youngest starts kindergarten in the fall. Your hubby needs to step up. I would lose my shit if my hubby did that. The only times that happens is if he has had multiple days with almost no sleep or in the case of working for like 2 weeks with no days off. Your man in just lazy and sounds like he doesn’t wanna be part of the family anymore. EDIT: no we don’t do daycare. We have 13 who supervises while he sleeps. And Yes, I know my man is a Rockstar that he does that for the kids and me.
Night shift messes with your entire system. Maybe he will adjust. Try having a nice dinner done around the time he gets up.
I tried working over night once … I lasted 3 days before I realized I just couldn’t do it.
You would think 8 hrs of work is the same, no matter what time of day (or night) that you do it … but it’s not.
Trying to work night shift when the rest of your life is built around day shift is nearly impossible. Not only because you’re not in sync with your family and friends, but your body is not in sync with you. After years of having the same lifestyle of sleeping nights, working days, your natural body rhythm is under attack when you try to flip it.
As with anything else in our lives, we have to determine if the benefits and consequences of change are worth it.
Maybe he took 3rd shift to avoid the family on purpose … by the sounds of his reactions to your complaints, I can see one of two options … he’s either overwhelmed with the changes of his work schedule, or he’s overwhelmed with the responsibilities of providing for his family & being an active participant.
He needs to figure out what he wants … whether a job change, or an address change.
I work 3rd shift, it sucks but even I don’t sleep that much. I still do things before I lie down and after I get back up. I get my kids ready for school and get to my parents if they’re keeping them. It’s my time with them, and I clean on my off days. 4 on 3 off.
I worked night shift 7pm-7:30am for 7 years. It took me a long time to adjust to sleeping during the day, so at one month of night shift, he is probably not used to it yet. Also, working those hours, it’s so easy to fall into depression or just want to distance yourself bc it’s easier not to feel like you’re missing out when you just stay away in the 1st place. Just find a better way to word things and give it more time. He is probably struggling to adjust; night shift takes a huge toll on the mind and body.
To be fair, maybe his body is having a hard time adjusting, if he only started a month ago.
We went through this & it does take a while to adjust. It’s hard, but it’s hard on them as well. You’re not wrong in your feelings. My advice would be not to tell him in a way like you “active member of the family” that’s a shot in the gut
It’s a shitty shift and the body isn’t supposed to be up at that time. My husband was miserable working nights.
I just laugh and laugh and laugh when people excuse this behavior. When I worked at assisted living as a nurse I often worked night shift, and day shift. There were days it felt like I was just at work, and then back again. Off at 9am, back at 3pm. On those days I got 4 hours of sleep. I didn’t sleep as much as I wanted or needed when I worked, because I’m a parent and my kids need me. If your spouse needs you and you’re still constantly sleeping 12 hours, you’re a piece of shit spouse.
My husband works 3rd shift, 10 days in a row and doesn’t act like this. I try to let him get as much sleep as possible because of his hectic work schedule, but he gets up in the afternoon and helps with the kids or anything I need help with. He’ll go back to sleep later on before work.
Maybe you should leave. Geez 
no wonder he sleeps all day so he doesn’t have to deal with you
He’s probably still getting use to the shift change it is a super hard shift on the body took me about 4 months to get a routine down that worked …
He works hard at his job and for some it tacks more sleep than for others get to with hem and plan something on his day off don’t think a bought what needs doing just be with each outher
3rd shirt is very hard on a family and on everyone and will take a while for him to adjust, not everyone can do it. See if he will switch shifts
He should sleep for 8 or even 7 hours like the rest of us, he should consider there’s kids and house chores he used to help with before.
It seems like he’s already done but doesn’t want to be the one to say “I’m done” if you kick him out it looks like your the asshole. Maybe you’re better off without him
I worked 12 hrs overnight with an hour commute both ways, 3 days a week as a single mom with a child under 2…
I got 3 hrs of broken sleep a day (maybe).
I still kept up on the house and my children.
No excuse to be a absent partner and parent.
Sounds like he is being a total dick! I don’t care how tired and cranky you are, you don’t mention throwing away a marriage on a whim.
Nah he needs to help!
No! He probably had something to do with the little ones being on earth, you are not overreacting!!!
How many doors are there in your house? Count them. Those are the amount of ways he can leave. Show them to him lead the way.
I worked 7pm to 7am for 2 years and it’s very hard to adjust! The hardest job I ever had. And it wasn’t because of the work. It was because of the hours. You are always tired working nights. My husband also works nights and he stays in bed for most of the day! It’s hard. Be patient for the body to adjust.
He can’t literally only work and sleep…he can’t survive without eating, drinking, pissing and shitting… 
“just kick me out and do us both a favor” this is clearly deeper than the job and his sleep schedule/involvement in the house…get off fb and either fix or end your marriage
You’re not overreacting! You don’t get to sleep 12 hours and your job never ends, so why is it okay for him to do so? I understand that 3rd shift is hard, but you need to remind him that he has a family to be a part of. That job could let him go tomorrow but if he doesn’t have his family to come home to it will be a lose lose for him. Just try communicating and talk as empathetically as you can do he doesn’t go on the defense!
My ex did this.
My “EX”
Make yours an EX. 
Fun fact: we will always have something to bitch about. 
Sounds like maybe some depression?
Night shift is rough. When I worked night shift I stayed up for awhile then went to bed. It was just easier that way.
clearly you’ve never worked night shifts and hes doing 12 hrs on. If you don’t work then yeh over reaction nights are harder and there studies showing the damage it does. he is working theres alot of dads who have 3 kids don’t work. hes not spending time with you or kids because hes shattered let him sleep it’s hard but that’s why nights pay more.
He needs to help. he helped make the kids, its his duty to help out with them. Also adults dnt need 12hrs of sleep. 8 hrs is plenty
My fella does 3 week shift patterns, earlies , nights and lates. We both work full time and share equal childcare responsibilities between us. yes it means we sometimes don’t get much time together but our time and effort is equal on both parts. Sleeping for 12 hours a day, your fella doesn’t realise how lucky he’s got it. I’ve not slept that long for years! It’s not all about working to make a living to keep people happy - time is worth so much more , especially to kids.
No body ever said marriage is easy and that’s why it’s not for everyone, it takes two to work at a relationship and of your getting less than your putting into the marriage than maybe its time to re-evaluate your place in his life. Because if he wants to be apart of your marriage or family he would make the time to do so. I understand he works 3rd shift, I have worked 7pm to 7am for over 3 years but I will make it a point to spend time with my husband and our kids, most of the time going on less than a few hours of sleep. But my family is my priority and my time with my husband is important to me.
“Do us both a favor” … Its already over for him.
Communication is the key word,on his day off,tell him you both need to talk about the relationship n what’s going on,also there are a lot on new jobs out there,maybe he can find days,need to talk this out n get on the same page
Nope not overreacting! I work overnights too and only sleep from 8am-1 2 if I’m lucky. It’s hard but it’s doable.
My spouse works from 9pm till 5am, he does let me sleep in until my uni classes start at 8am and watches them until they’re done at around 11. Then sleeps until about 745/8 and rushes out the door. But that’s because he almost never sleeps regardless if he’s working night shifts or not. It’s been a month, night shift is hard. And honestly, I really really doubt he’s falling asleep right away. My spouse goes to lay down at around 11 but won’t fall asleep until like 1 or 2, leaving him with only about 6 hours of sleep to drive all night.
One month into starting night shift is just the beginning of trying to adjust your body to go against all it’s natural rhythms. It is hard. I hope you can tolerate the toll it takes on him as well.
As one that has worked 3rd shift. IT is not like working any other shift. Your body is not used to staying up all night and working besides . Maybe you should suggest that he see a doctor if this doesn’t satisfy you .
You aren’t overreacting. Just because he works nights doesn’t mean he’s entitled to sleeping excessively. I slept from 8am-4pm. That’s 8 hours. He could easily get up snd be with you all. He just doesn’t want to. He sounds like he’s feeling very entitled and also not a very good partner. If he doesn’t adjust within the next few months put your foot down. You are not being unreasonable. You deserve to have an active partner.
Give him time to adjust to his new job. Then if it doesn’t improve you will have to decide what is best for you…
My husband works 3rd shift and we also have 3 kids. I work 1st shift, sometimes 1st and 2nd. We are newlyweds and its not easy but he is doing what he needs to do to provide. Give the man some time he will adjust. In the meantime try to help as much as you can.
Sounds like hes already over it. That shift is rough… good luck
Tough shift. That response is alarming…not empathetic at all. When my hubs worked 3-11… he’d stay up a bit when he got home… it was brutal
What is his work? It may be exhausting.
Is this anew job? Give him a break it takes a while get used to working nites! I know I tried it and I literally slept until it was time to work no life at all!! Help him find his niche or help him get a day job
Something’s wrong with him. Figure out what it is or divorce him. He doesn’t care.
I have worked 12 hour night shift shifts for most of my adulthood raising my kids and taking care of the house and husband. But I would get off at 7am, then take kids to school then picked them up at 2:30pm. Then I was up, I coúldnt go back to sleep once ím up. So staying up his hard knowing you got to stay up all night, specially in the winter, everybody is getting réady for bed and you have to get out in the cold and go to work but I really hate getting up early too, even when I work 3-11, I sleep from midnight to 11, but I would like to see if I could sleep till one, I just wish we didn’t have work, that’s the idéal for me, lol
bloody hell give the man a break hes only been on night shift for a month i did night shift for years its not easy trying to sleep during the day with traffic moving especially if you have bloody logging trucks then you get the odd visitor coming during the day to see the partner and out of that twelve hours you may only get 5-6 hours of sleep so you go off to work tired and the idiot that advised you to divorce him shit something wrong with that one anyway give him a break hes tired and bitchy new job new hours
Give him time its a huge change and he is exhausted if you guys are fighting that would play another role of being exhaustion . Sit down and talk to him try and see from his side and try and come to some comprises together.
I work 3rds 7pm - 7 am and sometimes 11-7 its definitely different from working 1st shift or second but I usually sleep til 5 when I work 7-7 and when I work 11-7 I get up around 230-3 and lay back down later on for a couple hours to nap. 3rds are hard on your body and definitely not for the weak.
My hubby works night shift and he has to sleep 9 hours min to feel rested. Just how his body is wired. But i went back to work and since doing so he’s had no choice but to help with our son. It’s an adjustment so maybe give him a little bit of slack? And if you need help with something specifically ask for it. Otherwise let him do what he needs to.
Not really advice–but I’m in a similar boat. My husband moved from day shift to night shift a month ago–we have 2 under 2 and majority of the time (now) I feel like a single mom. It has been a hard adjustment. He tried so hard to only sleep for a few hours and then get up to spend time with us–but then I noticed his patience was becoming less and less and he was grouchy. He works midnight-8 am. He comes home (we’re up by then) we all have breakfast together and he usually stays awake until 11. He will then get up around 4. Our girls go to bed at 7:30 and he usually cat naps until he has to get ready for his shift. It has been hard–he has apologized a ton and we are still trying to navigate the best schedule. I hope you guys do, too
Whatever shift hes still a parent. Doesnt excuse him from that. If this was a mom doing this, it wpuldnt be excused and she wpuld get alot of hate.
We never see my husband when he works night shift, that’s all he does is work and sleep. Granted it’s a 12 hour shift so not like he has a ton of hours in between anyways. Night shift does a number on you. We just look forward to his days off and shuft change when he can rejoin the family. But his responses to you would be the main concern and something to work on between you both.
My hubby works nights, and it’s been a big adjustment for our family. I work full time during the day and we have 2 young children. He comes home and helps get the kids ready in the morning while I get ready for work, and gets up when we come home in the evening. On the weekends I’ll put the baby down for a nap and crawl in bed with him.
Try giving him some grace, it sounds like he’s struggling right now. Ask him how you can help. Let him know he’s still a part of the family.
It’s hard but it is doable. Good luck
My (now ex) husband is a truck driver and was gone from 2-5 weeks at a time. Oh and he cheated as often as he could. So at least OP knows where her husband is at. Honestly, go out and do stuff with your kids. Go live your life while he sleeps his away. No reason for you all to be miserable.
My husband been working that same shift for almost 8 years now. 3rd shift is not for the weak. It never gets easier… I use to complain about the same thing and his reply was always the same. I still complain occasionally the only thing that helped was him waking up at 5pm to give us time to eat together and watch some TV and I have to be happy and greatful with that.
My husband was the same way when he worked night shift. He would come home and stay up until 11/12 and sleep until he had to get up for work again. And even those 3-4 hours he wouldn’t do anything but lay on his phone or play video games. You are NOT over reacting, that’s him gaslighting you. Yes he needs sleep but not 12 hours worth. You’re basically a single parent so you might as well be a single parent. My husband switched to the day shift and jokes on me because he still doesn’t help lmao divorce is in the near future
It sounds like your husband is depressed.
Night shift is really hard.
I’ve worked the night shift. I would come home, sleep 4 hours, get up and enjoy daytime, then sleep 3-4 more hours before my next shift. There is an adjustment period, yes. But it seems he is using his job to “check out” at home. And if he is lashing out at you like that, asking for you to kick him out, etc., it’s not normal. You’re NOT overreacting. It’s hurtful. He’s absent. It affects the whole family. You deserve a partner. How is he on his days off? Is he nicer? Could it just be the adjustment period still? If not, then reevaluate. Don’t sell your family short.
How don’t get how everyone saying ur overreacting bc they’d b doing the same thing if there husband told them the hurtful words like he told u that’s what I would be wanting to know why does he want you like I said YOU to do both of uns a favor throw him out ummm maybe he doesn’t want to be the bad guy to the kids make it look like it was all you. Study that one SWEETHEART he basically told ya what he wanted. Pack his shit let him find somewhere else to park his boots
I’ve worked 3rd shift for years and it’s so hard on the body physically and mentally!! It’s so hard to function and “be normal “ When I did it full time I felt like I never got enough sleep no matter how many hours it was. My sleep pattern was broken and never completely restful… I couldn’t do it 5 days a week again…. I was always tired, bitchy, and never really felt “good” …
I’d be concerned that he wants to get kicked out- that’s an odd thing to say if there’s nothing behind it.
Also, a lot of people can’t acclimate to 3rd shift. No way would he be sleeping until he has to leave for work again! There are kids, a wife and a household that need to be attended to as well as a job. Having a job does not negate all other responsibilities in life.
I’m sorry but nightshift is REALLY hard and I’d do the same as him you need to give him time to adjust and actually rest we are not made to work night shift its actually bad for our health overall and 12hrs kills literally until you’ve done it you won’t understand
When I nursed on nights I literally spoke to noone you need to ease up
My husband works 6 days a week and volunteers for the fire department so in summer we barely see him you need open communication its the only way
We both work full time and I was a single parent before him so pick your battles
I just had a women with a similar situation.I told her I’ll pray for you.God does not want family’s broke up,But Satan Does.He is after the family’s.God came in and helped her family now he sends love messages to her during the day.You really think you can figure it out?God knows our hearts only he can change things.Get on your knees seek God and his Help.Im praying in Jesus Mighty Name and so should you.we get so caught up on the world and the way it leads us.We forget how powerful our God really is.
I work 10 hr night shifts 9pm-730am. I come home shower and go to bed and I get up at 330pm to spend time with my family before having to get ready and go to work again. It’s definitely doable and you’re not doing anything wrong in asking him to participate in what he helped to create. Stay strong
I work the same hours, in a factory. Im exhausted ALL day. It’s so hard to work 3rd shift. I’m going on my 4th yr of these hours and you never get used to it. If I had the option to sleep all day I would as well. But I have kids so I cannot (as does he). My advice would be to stop giving him the choice to sleep all day.
I have worked night shifts and it really takes it out of you because no matter how.much you sleep during the day (if you can get enough sleep) it’s not the same as night sleep…working nights used to make me grouchy and upset my digestive system…sister give him time to adjust…maybe arrange something to do as a family on his days off.
My ex husband was the same way. And everything was my fault as well even tho I worked as well. I tried to speak with him about it and he would throw a fit. So I would suggest a marriage counselor to help you two communicate better. Sometimes it takes a third party to help defuse some comments. If you can get him to agree to it that is. I could not so that is why he is my ex husband. -Kassi
He has a job, and is working to support the family. Let the man sleep for crying out loud. 3rd shift is no joke. Drains you completely, you need to let him adjust to those hours. It’s only been a month. Once he gets acclimated with the night shift, he will eventually be able to stay up during the day for a few hours. Be patient…
In the meantime, find some me time and enjoy these times with your kids. Nothing wrong w some good times without hubby.
He literally just switched to nights a month ago… Working nights is literally hell. With everyone home all the time is he actually getting any sleep? Also it’s easier to stay up later then sleep, rather than getting up earlier before work. Have compassion and see a councilor
Some ppl struggle with night shift and never fully adjust you cannot compare one person to another. I worked 3rd most of my life and just moved to 1st and I struggle on first. It’s only been a month you gotta give adjustment time for your husband and your family. Kids will adapt and if you work at it you and your husband will too. That being said it seems like he’s a person with a natural clock that says night time is for sleep so he’s struggling to get rest. Try black out curtains and sound machines to try and get it to a point where he’s getting actual rest not just going through the motions. These things take time and your going to have to be patient. I would voice the fact that his reactions hurt you and discuss what you hope your future will be like w him working 3rd shift but give it time you cannot be impatient when his whole mind and body are struggling at this point.
Maybe depressed. That shift will do that to ya.
its all choices… the same person if all of a sudden was single he would find time to get up… life is way more then work and sleep… working 8 hrs a day regardless if its morning shift or graveyard is all the same you still have 16 hrs left in the day so if you sleep8 that gives you 8 hrs…
My husband works 2nd shift. 4 to 3. All he does is work sleep and eat. Bodies are not meant to live those hours
Yes this heat and working nights. Sometimes it’s needed. Seasons of raising kids and a man working ALL the tine is unfortunately the life now. Hopefully it’s just short term.
I work night 12 hours shifts get in at 8am go to bed get up at 3pm and help with are 3boys so no you are not overeating
Sis… Them hours are nothing to play with. Both of y’all playing catch-up on 2 different games.
When I first started third shift years ago I would sleep 8 am to 5 or 6. Pm until I got.used to it
Ohhh, you’re sooo not overreacting. He’s definitely a shitty partner in life. So he WANTS to be kicked out? It’s be a favor? Haha. He is so naive.
Hmmmm…
Maybe he doesn’t want to be around you, nobody wants to be around somebody that’s always bitching can you imagine. Ugh!!
Sounds to me like he’s fed up with your attitude and doesn’t want to deal with you therefore he stays in bed all day. If you love him and want to stay together, change
Be grateful for your family for your husband that goes to work, thank him for not being a bum, be kind and loving towards him and the kids. It’s going to be hard at first but try really try your best not to bitch … Pray
I bet he’ll want to get up earlier and hang out with you & the kids before he goes to work…
seriously though Nobody wants to be around someone that has a bitchy attitude
3rd shift is HARD. Be patient and understanding. Let him rest.
I had a spouse that refused to work. I now have a boyfriend that has a job and works overnight. I, too, work overnight. It is not an easy shift to get use to. If he is a typical night shift employee, he never really gets a set sleep schedule without interruption. I’m glad my future spouse has a job. Plus, I respect him being employed. He respects me for working overnights as well.
Adjusting to night shift SUCKS. Give the guy a break. Sheesh.
He literally told you what to do…so do it
It sounds like he unhappy n he cheating
Don’t let him talk to you like that and kick his ass out.