Sounds like you need to kick him to the curb. You’re already handling everything yourself so you know you can do it. You don’t need the stress having him around causes.
Time you let him feed himself. U use kids bathroom. Dont wash his clothes if big prob arise time to get out of that relation ship.AND DONT LOOK BACK. COURTS ARE THERE TO HELP U.
Sounds like you don’t need him 
do you and the kids Hun your doing it anyway no point in him being there
He using you
…your better off without him I’d say…the kids do not need this dead beat of a fo called " man," to be an example of the role a male is to play in family unit. They young minds are easily influenced as this stage!!
If you are already getting by without his help then you can continue to do so without him, and be happy and providing a better atmosphere for your children, tell him you are done, if he don’t want to do counseling, or make changes then you want a divorce, take it to court, he can then stay gone day and night and pay child support while you rebuild your life, continue your classes and have a happier better life for you and your children
You don’t need him. You’re already doing everything on your own. He’s only causing you more stress. If you’re afraid to leave him due to financial reasons, then take him for child support. He helped make them, he can help support them. You and your kids will be happier and better off without the extra misery and stress in the home. My advice, is get a lawyer, get divorce and custody papers drawn up, and get out of that mess. Don’t waste your life being unhappy. Before you know it, your kids will be teenagers, about to graduate school, and you’ll still be there, stuck with this man, wishing you had moved on a long time ago.
I do not believe anyone would or should judge you. You are the only one who can decide for yourself what to do. My first marriage was so similar to yours that you could have been talking for me. You know in your heart what you want and need. I will be praying for you
You need to try counseling if you can get him to go. If that doesn’t work divorce his but and sue for child support. At least he would have to contribute financially then. Coming home in the early morning, drunk after “working” oh hell no! No way is that legit
Why have him around at all. You are doing everything by yourself. He would be one less thing to take care of if you kicked him out. Then someday you will meet someone that will actually love you and support you with everything. You deserve better but it’s up to you. Need to think about yourself and your children!!!
This Is A SLAVES Life. Go to Court Immediately .He Will Never Change. His Money Is YOURS in Marriage. You Shouldn’t Be Paying Fr. Anything ,Period. When Men Marry " I T MEANS they HAVE a WIFE & Kids at Some Point that He Has To TAKE CARE OF !!!
If he will agree to sitting down to listen to you, calmly tell him how you feel. Tell him you are overwhelmed with so much to do on your own, and the way he is behaving is hurtful to you AND your kids. Try not to turn it into an argument, keep your cool. If he doesn’t respond in an understanding and remorseful way, start figuring out your next move. If the house you are living in has your name on the deed, ask/tell him to leave. Oof he responds in a positive way, give him a chance. But the second his behavior goes back to the way it is now, one of you should go. The relationship is toxic as it is now.
I agree with the other ladies you are doing everything yourself with the help of grandparents for the kids Please dont let him ruin you and your kids lives by staying with a slacker .
Either kick him out and don’t let him back in or leave and take the kids with you yourself. He doesn’t care about you or the kids, and you can quite clearly take care of yourselves anyway so it won’t be any different other than you won’t have a man child to cater for as well
If I’m not mistaken, I believe every house has a door; show it to him with all his belongings! Seriously,I know it’s hard but he will shape up or not, but at least you will have your sanity!
Think of what’s right for your children. What we allow in our lives is what we receive, you would never want your children to be treated that way as adults, yet by staying or not insisting on him changing shows them that it is OK. This is no longer about him or his feelings, he has made it clear that his family is not a priority. Let him loose, your life will be so much better and open to real love when you’re ready.
Struggle get through your schoolwork, Graduate, and run, do not walk… you have kids watching every move you make!
They will notice if you just “settle”!
Been there, done that!
If you are doing it all by yourself tell the spurm doner to get a life some were else
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Put him out!!! He will pull you and the children down. Admit it—he is unmotivated and does not love his family like he should. Chances are he is running around on you. Wake up and wise up! It will not get better. Your excuse may be that you love him, but believe me you can love a good man more. Been through this and wasted years trying to make something work that never could.
I hope that every woman has the courage to do things right…I admire your fighting spirit. Do what will make you and your kids happy and have an easy at peace living.
You are already supporting yourself and the children so why burden yourself with an unnecessary extra body, get rid !!
If you’re doing this now so why do you need him believe me the kids know what is going on never to young
Not judging just wondering why you’re taking care of a grown man? You are worth so much more
I hate when people say… Oh get couple’s counseling… BS … He’s old enough and set in his ways… Girl, leave!! Period… You can do it on your own… You already are!!
So why stay with a mate that doesn’t help you? You’d be better off on your own?
I had the same problem all the responsibilities went to me and he was living like he had no responsibilities I got tired of being unhappy and mad so you got two choices either stay because he’s not going to change because you already trained him that is okay for him to stay living in that situation or leave I got tired of being responsible for running a household so I kicked him out raise four kids. On my own wasn’t easy but I did it
This has been a diatribe on him. Not that this isn’t valid. Suggestion- you decide out of your own spirit what you need in a relationship. Write it down. Own it. Express it to your spouse. Hold fast to your worth as a child of God, pray for direction and peace in your decisions. You are worthy of respect and a good life.
Get rid of him…you’re alone in this anyhow!! And it sounds like he has a drinking problem too…if nothing changes, nothing changes…find your happiness without him!!
I’m not judging, but why not sit down and talk with him about all your concerns? The bottom line is just that.
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“HAD” A Husband LIKE THAT. Get his bank receipts or statement. I hate to say this but ask his friends. My guess, he says he’s working. Ask his parents one night he’s working. You have to go meet with classmate to be tutored or just help a friend out. He’s not home. Go with a friend, not alone. Local bartenders know a lot. Show picture or have friend do it. You need proof, don’t make a big deal. Just take care of you and the kids. Get babysitter’s as friends. No in home. Be safe
First get a lawyer so that he’ll be the one to leave. You’ll be seeing money come in for your kids gland yourself for child support and alimony for yourself. The longer you put up with this abuse just makes it easy for him. You and the kids deserve better.
Hes cheating. If hes gone that much “working” hes got a girlfriend. You would be better off without him. You are pretty much a single parent now and there is help out there for single parents. I wouldn’t have his parents babysit either it will keep you from ending that toxic relationship. You probably qualify for daycare vouchers if hes not in the picture.
Re already doing it yourself… you got this 
. You’re showing your kids what mom is made of. Good luck
Ask yourself if you’re better off with or without him and there is your answer. My guess is without him. At least he would have to pay child support if you left. You and the kids deserve better.
Sadly if he isnt contributing emotionally financially and intimately then the purpose of having a husband, a significant other becomes burdensome. It does not benefit you or your children. Your already doing it on your own. Be on your own and find your peace, your happiness and possibly real love
You can be his mother, and continue to provide a free ride; or you can leave , stay with BJ parents who are already helping, and continue to be a great mom and student. You just might meet an equally responsible and goal oriented adult to be friends with.
You know that this can’t continue like this right? Be strong my dear and make a plan to leave it he is to leave.
Sweetie, You can do bad by yourself, you don’t need a man to help you do bad. If he is not helping you do good then you or your kids do not need him! Good luck to you! You staying with a zero could make you miss out on your hero!! Somebody who will make your life easier and much happier!
I was in the same boat. Luckily your working. ( mine wouldn’t let me) Pack the kids and go. If he cares he will change.
Michele I am so sorry you are carrying this heavy a burden. You deserve so much better. You need support. Look for resources family friends and a therapist that can help and support you emotionally. It is very sad your husband has financially and emotionally abandoned you and his kids. Its time for you to leave him. It will be hard at first. However he will at least be forced to contribute financially in child support and potentially alimony. Better days are ahead for you and your kids. Take back your happy.
You are not in a marriage, my dear. It’s at best an arrangement, and he is reaping all the benefits. Please send him on his way. You’ve got the kids to care for so you keep the house until/unless a judge says otherwise.
Shop around for lawyers, as they usually give their first consultation for free, and find out your rights. File for divorce or, at least legal separation. And tell this man you are done.
Nothing he says to you should at all change your mind. His actions, or non actions, and your toleration of him have gotten you both here, so only his appropriate actions from here on out will change the course of the relationship.
And I would take a hard line, too. He must go to counseling on his own and eventually with you and behave like a proper partner and father for no less than 6 months before he can live with you again. And that’s if you find you love him, still.
Tell him you don’t care what he promises, you will only accept proper and sustained positive action from him from now on.
This may seem harsh, but it’s not. This man is acting like a spoiled child and needs a firm hand if he’s to grow up and be of use to himself or anyone else. You are not obligated to nurse him along, nag him, or keep redirecting him. You needn’t drown yourself in his apathy and selfishness. It’s sink or swim time for this man-child. If he can pull himself up and walk toward you, fine and dandy. If he can’t you and the children are better off moving strongly forward without him.
Prayers for you all as you navigate the next 6 months, either way.
So if you do it all why do you need to have him there at all? Time for suitcase to the street time
Hes not a husband, hes a chain around your neck dragging you down. Coming home drunk at all hours-- hes not at work. You know in your heart what you have to do.
Realise one thing. You can’t miss what you didn’t have in first place. One day your kids will respect you for doing it all. You can’t make him show love and respect and it sound like he doesn’t have any for himself never mind you or the kids. You can do this as you already have been doing it for years. Don’t be like me I did that for 20 years. Your still young so move on don’t rush into another relationship your worth more than this come on stick up for yourself cos he’s not gonna. Wish you all the very best xx
It’s time to pack his bags n move out . He shows he has no attention to be a dad or husband. U seem to be doing just fine with out his help or need him there . U be better off telling him to get out .
This man is no husband to you oh, you can hardly call him a man the sad thing is I don’t know if you can change him! Maybe just maybe you should separate for a while and see if he understands the things that he is taking for granted
He got to go girl , sounds like a dead beat and you stay with him , why?
Sweetie, you know in your heart your answer. He is dead weight to your life and goals. You will find so much more support as a single mom. You deserve better. You children deserve better.
No judgment at all, u are doing a great job. Please keep in mind u r doing by yourself. If you can do it by yourself, you can do it without him. It might be time for a change. Give it some thought!
Look at it this way: you’re already doing it all on your own, so dump him and divorce him. You don’t need an extra weight on your shoulders.
If you’re doing it all yourself anyway, you don’t need him as another burden. Pack your bags and leave. Better yet, pack his bags, put them out for him to pick up and you stay.
He doesn’t contribute to anything, won’t watch the children, or do anything else there. He seems he only wants on board when convenient for himself!! You and your children deserve so much more!! I’m sure you feel left out and well I’m sure the little little
Start making a plan
What do you need in place to get out of this situation. Picture yourself actually leaving. Gather the kids birth certificates. Look up apartments and services you will need. I know you are beaten down, exhausted and overwhelmed. Each little step will make you stronger, make it seem possible and prepare you to take action. I have been in your shoes and this is what I had to do a to get out. It worked. Get some little things in place, the ball will start to roll. God Bless you.
I know when you take your wedding vows you do mean them as well as should your husband but sadly this is in lots of marriages so did he break the vows he took before God yes so if you are not happy leave and find happiness you don’t have to stay in an unhappy emotional abusive relationship if he is not willing to meet you halfway in all of this
I think you just stated you reasons for having him leave. You are his maid and that’s about it. You’re already doing it all on your own what are you waiting for. There is no love left on either side from what you noted. Get happy and leave.
If he’s not contributing what’s the reason he’s there? Ask yourself that and if you find a reason like he’s my kids dad, well he can still be that but not with you. You also deserve to be happy.
I dont understand the HIM part. How the hell does that fit in. It should be you and your kids my dear. To hell with him
If you’re doing it all by yourself already you don’t need him divorce his ass garnish his wages get child support you might love them but he’s never going to change trust me trust me please trust me my son killed himself because of his girlfriend and that kind of shit My heart goes out to you I believe your kids and you would be better off without him
Check this out girl for one if your married or not if there his kids or not he should be a father figure if there not at least to me it sounds as if he is just there for himself if he doesn’t do anything around the house or contribute period then why do you even put up with that amazes me but then to ignore the kids not wanting to be in there lives only to drop them off at his parents he’s not much of a father figure ands that’s sad kids are the next generation they only learn from us so if you don’t want them to treated like you are or in reality they are or even treat there spouses like your being treated then you need to pack his shit up and kick him to the curb asap !!! Quit wasting your time and your kids time on a self centered dough bag
He’s totally disconnected from you and the children. If you leave he will be court ordered to contribute to you and the kids. You know in your heart what you need to do.
Time to say by by to the deadbeat! That would be one less big ass kid you would need to take care of! By the way why are you doing shit for him?
I am 53 years old why would you let any man treat you like that you are worth a lot more tell him to cope on or leave i know it will be hard but he comes across as if your his mother
You already know the answer it won’t be easy but it seems like it’s not now. So plan and take action
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I’ve been there ,the way I see it if your doing everything by yourself why have him around .
Go in raise child support, go in a try to take to the Judge and see what you can you or some body else. Good luck and Bless you k
If you’re doing everything yourself anyway then he’s a liability you don’t need that kick him to the curb
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Dump him. You’re a single parent with THREE kids. You’ve proven you don’t need him to get by in life. There’s someone better out there for you. Remain strong for the kids.
What do you need him for? You need to know your worth. Marriage is wonderful, but only when it’s the right person.
Why are you still with him if he’s so useless ???.Get rid of him now and go it alone as you more or less have been and I’m sure you and your children will be much happier and a lot better off …
Good luck
So why do you need him ? Seriously I,m curious. You sound like a single mom with a 3rd child 
This is why it is super important to talk before you settle - this is for all you single or unmarried ladies!
Who owns the property or pays the rent? If you are paying he should go as using you as a hotel. Look into everything you legally need to know and deal with. In UK mental abuse is considered DV which includes this sort of behaviour as well as physical abuse. He is with other people not working so look at yourself and your kids you don’t need him and his lies
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Sounds like he is feeling overwhelmed himself and he’s closed himself off. If he isn’t willing to sit down and hash out the feelings both you and he have and find a way to support each other then the best thing would be to separate. At least then your expectations are that you are doing this just you and not that he may come around. But I truly hope that with a few open non-judgemental conversations you can both find the love and support you both need
Well everyone is saying pack up and leave but why should you leave tell him to go pack his and throw it out you will feel better after he has gone as you do everything anyway he is just another burden to you I know ihave been there brought up 4 kids on my own won’t let any man treat me like a servant ever again just tell him to go and start breathing
Put up with this for 20 years. I was told I never supported him in whatever adventure he took. According to him I never worked I was lazy and a nagging wife, was cheated on for 20 years he was and is a Alcoholic. I waited til my boys were old enough to protect themselves from him then I left
I can’t believe that you need this group to tell you what to do. Look in your heart, girl!! You know what you need to do for your peace of mind and to set the right example for your children.
If you are doing it all now,then do it without him.You have given him the power to be the way he is by continuing in this relationship,leave him,or kick him to the curb,sue for child support,and be an example for your kids,so they don’t do to someone what he has done to you and them,your kids will be proud of you and admire you,they will grow up holding this against you because you stayed
You seem to be supporting yourself already. Get rid off him and that’s one less person to take care of AND you are showing your kids that they do not have to put up with people who do not care for them and that they can care enough about themselves to want better.
I was married to the same kind of man who only thought of himself only mine refused to work.my advice get out now before it gets more toxic
You need to take care of you and your children. So you better figure it out. I truly wish you the best. It’s survival time.
Divorce him, you’re doing it all yourself anyway, so divorce him and save yourself the time and energy and money you spend on him!
Why are you wasting time with him? You would have more money without him. Tell him to start helping or move out.
Welcome to the real world! My Aunt always told us girls IT MATTERS WHO YOU MARRY AND MORE WHO YOU HAVE KIDS WITH! when your young we just don’t realize how serious it matters!
You’re already doing by yourself…. What do you need him for… at least you would get child support…. How’s that for having to step up…. Good luck❤️
Honey, he will never change. Your children will grow up but your husband never will and he is setting a bad example how to treat you and wife and mother. So many of us have been in your spot and we are so very sad for you. You do what is best for you and your children as all of you deserve the best in life…give him the boot or you take the kids and make your own life. You can do this…we have gone before you to encourage you and send our love. God bless!
He’s getting the milk for free. Get counseling for both of you, pack up live elsewhere for a few months. If he doesn’t want to change, then better find out now than years of bitterness later.
Again why oh why are you in this mess??? Get out of this mess. His inaction and attitude are screaming 
he doesn’t give a shot. Divorce his Ass and I bet he will be delinquent in child support before the ink is dry on the Divorce papers. I am so sorry this is hurting you and your children 
.
You can and will do better on your own. I don’t know why you haven’t kicked this loser to the curb already! You need to either look for another place to live or have him move out! If you’ve got to do everything on your own, you damn sure don’t need him!
You need a new 
loving husband and tell the old husband shape up or move out now
The word of the Lord said, if a man doesn’t work he don’t eat. He must not be working. Pray an ask Jesus for directions on what to do Bc Jesus sees the pain you are in now. You have a decision to make that May not be easy but Jesus will help you all the way. I’m not going to say it will be easy but you are hurting now. May Jesus help you to make the right choice. Praying for you and children.
Leave him. He is nothing but dead weight holding you and the kids back. If he wants to be part of the family then he can do so. If not he is welcome, even encouraged to go.
If you are doing everything with no financial support your life will be easier and happier without him because it is one less person you have to take care of!!
Yeah, it sounds like he is your third child you have to take care of! I would definitely hire a lawyer to file divorce papers cuz he is a deadbeat in every way!
Why are you staying with him. Sounds like you are carrying the load…might as well “Kick him to the curb” and you will have one less mouth to feed
Sounds like a narcissist… Leave him. You’re better off alone… Don’t expect him to change his ways because he won’t… I have lived with a narcissist before and it’s not fun…
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If you are having to care for the children without any help from him, you are alone either way. I personally could not live with that. If he’s not helping tell him to get out of the way. If he doesn’t know “how” he needs maybe a parenting class or couples counseling If he know how but doesn’t “want” to. He’s just in the way of the growth as a family unit
Keep your classes going no matter what, so you can provide better when the time comes. Begin planning your exit strategy…make a short term and long term plan. If he is helping with the kids and bills-financially or physically, it will only be uphill from here. You have been a “single” parent all along. Getting rid of the chain around your neck will free you in ways you could never imagine…AND for once, he WILL have to help support the children…it is called child support. Talk to your parents and tell them what you have posted here. Family support is great.
God bless you, your children as the years go by if you stay with this man, will see this and children see and understand more than we realize.
I get sick of all year and the husband’s a bad person we don’t know what’s going on she’s probably just overdramatic like all women are
Leave him to be the boy he is. Get child support and live your best life. It’s hard but what will you loose that your not getting now? Just one less mouth to feed
Leave take his information and sue him for child support that is taken directly from his check every month then he will have to contribute to supporting his children and taking care of himself.
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