Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband only cares about himself and I'm having a hard time
2 Likes
Honey, you do not have a husband. You have a third child. You are actually in a great place to tell him to kick rocks. He has made sure you do not need him at all. You are doing it all by yourself so him being gone will do nothing but improve your life. Tell him to go back home to mama. It is not your responsibility to raise him.
185 Likes
Donāt stay in a situation where youāre not happy. It sounds like youāre doing everything on your own any way.
32 Likes
He aint working. Hes cheating. Sounds lime you would have one less child to deal with if you booted him.
36 Likes
A question to ask is are you better off with him or without him.
31 Likes
So why stay married if you are doing everything? Stays out all night, comes home drunk? Honey you need to let him know since your doing it all he can just go to his work and stay out as long as he wants and dont bother coming back. Itās called fed up or tough love to be correct. If he loves you heāll start acting like a husband and father, if not, austa la vista baby!
32 Likes
If it were meā¦ I would tell him your home is not a flop house. Either he become a participating member of the household and a partnerā¦or go. But you have to do you. Big hugs!
25 Likes
If youāre doing everything anyway what do you need him for? Sounds like it would be less work if you kicked his sorry butt out and he had to pay child support
14 Likes
If youāre already doing everything yourself why do you need him.
He sounds very toxic and you need to get yourself and your children out of this.
You donāt want your children to think that this is an acceptable way to treat a partner.
Make sure you get legal advice and get everything on paper, donāt believe him if he promises you the earth if you settle privately .
11 Likes
Only you can decide when you have had enough. Actions speak louder then words. Have some respect for your self and get him out of your life
15 Likes
Get rid of him. You are a great mommy.
13 Likes
My motto has always been. If Iām doing it by myself. Iāll be by myself. Donāt need a deadbeat dragging ya down.
13 Likes
Sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do. Ultimately this has to be your choice. But we all deserve to have a loving partner who helps with the load of life not makes it harder. Otherwise is he really a partner? Additionally, what are your kids learning from his example and is that a healthy example of what a dad or a partner should be like? Your kids will still make their own choices but we donāt want kids growing up thinking that this is what life is and you just have to suck it up and deal with it.
10 Likes
Why are You putting up with him? You and your children deserve better than this treatment.Get out of this situation as soon as possible.You can do it on your own as you already are!! Be strong for yourself and your children!!
12 Likes
Heās that way because you allow him to beā¦ not a good example for the childrenā¦
Charge him for rentā¦utilitiesā¦ foodā¦child care and laundryā¦ he doesnāt have a wifeā¦ he has a full time maidā¦ if he doesnāt cough up the moneyā¦ sue him for alimony and child supportā¦ people will wipe their feet on you when you become a welcome matā¦
11 Likes
Your doing it all now. Loosen your load by putting him out to pasture.
You will find your very own happiness with just you and your children.
Best to you 
you definitely deserve sooo much more.
8 Likes
This sounds harsh but, Dr Phil says that you teach people how to treat you.
8 Likes
If he doesnāt bring anything to the table he should be permanently excused from the table.
8 Likes
I hate to say this but maybe leaving him would be better than keeping him. Heās the father of you kids so you will always love him and that is understandable. But, I have 4 kids. I am also taking online classes. And I work a Monday thru Friday 8+ hours a day job. I take care of most of the kids needs. I work to keep bellies full. There roof over our heads with warm beds. And to be able to tell my kids yes to the things they desire. If itās not breakfast or grilling my husband canāt cook. With all that being said my husband canāt work because of a chronic condition. I never have to clean house. I never have to worry about the kids while Iām working or doing homework. He helps with everything I cannot do. He is the perfect example for my son and my girls. Think about the example your husband is setting for the kids. Is he who you want your son to become or who you would want your daughter to be with? Keep your head up. You are strong. Put yourself and your kids first
6 Likes
You might as well go it alone, Iām sorry to have to say that but it doesnāt sound like he has anything invested in the marriage or the family.
8 Likes
First step
ā¦get in to counseling for at least yourself but also couples. Tell him if he isnāt willing to do couples therapy, you are going to be packing up and leaving bc he obviously doesnāt care enough to truly try.
8 Likes
Its time to pack his bagsā¦whereever hes been staying til late he could continue for good!.
6 Likes
I feel you already know deep in your heart what you need to do and you are already providing as a mother /father to your children!
9 Likes
Seems like it would just be less stressful to do it all alone anyway. Cuz heās there and youāre still doing it alone
6 Likes
Why have him aroundā¦ the sex canāt be that good. At least if you separated youād get court ordered child support which is more than youāre getting now! Wake the f up!
7 Likes
It sounds like you do everything and have a job so do you need him really I never worked raised 4 kids alot of times I wouldāve been gone if I had a job
6 Likes
Iāve been (sort of) in your position. Have you thought about that he may be having an affair? Heās not going to change, maybe get worse. Have you thought of divorce? He isnāt giving time to you or the kids; that isnāt good for any of you. The kids must feel the tension (mine did) and this can hurt them more as they grow up.
7 Likes
U married a narc. Seek a lawyer plan an exit & get outa there itās over he will never change. Iām so sorry. Whatever u do dont tell him & get to the bank & take half of whatever money anywhere even xtra for the kids so take 3/4 of everything. So sorry luv but itās time to move out & move on! Prayers
8 Likes
In your heart, you know what you need to do. Find a way to make it happen. Living under that stress you know is not good for you or the children. Be honest with yourselfā¦what is the REAL reason that youāre stayingā¦you donāt really need other peopleās advice on this do you.
5 Likes
I was in the same boat a some time ago. I had 2 kids one with special needs and I was bringing in the money but we never had anythung. I had to search deep down and I finally said good bye to him. Let me tell you the stress left along with him. Iāve been a single parent for 25 years and have never been happier.
6 Likes
I think the first thing you need to do is talk to him about couple counseling. If he says no then you need to go alone. You need someone to lay out the pros and cons of your relationship. Then you will be able to make the choice of whether to stay or go. As Jim White said, if you do it all now you can do all later. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him or not. I think you need to think of your kids also. He definitely sounds like a deadbeat dad. The kids, and you, deserve better.
5 Likes
I say leave that situation.i just got out of that same situation and i just had a baby a month ago and the same struggles. Im doing it all by myself and i just left. Pray and ask God to guide you to where he wants you to be .but leaving is best.
4 Likes
Its hard not to judge because sounds like you doing all the work etc, and let him treat you like that, you realky have to stand up to him or kick him out.
4 Likes
You already doing it yourself, you do not need him nor do your kids . Take care of yourself and your children. Donāt hold on to someone who doesnāt support you in anyway. Move on . Its hi lost . And your gain . You are an awesome mom ! Forget that jerk .
4 Likes
Divorce his ass. Make him pay child support. What on earth do you need him for? You are really a single mother, with a leach hanging around for no reason. Where has he been - hint - another women.
5 Likes
It is not judgement. It is a call to have you to wake up and see yourself and what you are doing. Your children are learning from youš¢, to be misused, abused and unloved. They are learning from their sperm donor they are not loved. Children may not say anything now but will tell you when they are older. Even if you donāt want to save yourself please save your children from the same or worse future.
3 Likes
You can do this on your own or find a real man to help you ! Itās just as awful for the kids to see this as acceptable! Be happy life is short
4 Likes
If it was me ( I did do it) I leave and support myself and kids and not him. You need to be happy
2 Likes
Show him the door you and the kids wouldnāt miss him anyway as he is never home or helps you with any thing and take him to court for child support
6 Likes
Tell him the drinking needs to stop and he needs to be at home more to help with the kids. If he doesnāt do it then leave.
2 Likes
You are doing it all! No wonder you are exhausted. Consider the options and do what is best for you and the kids.
2 Likes
Your marriage wonāt get better by itself, you guys need to have a conversation, say the words out loud, see if you both at least want to be on the same page, men and women process their thoughts so differently, if you canāt work things out you need to let go, things need to improve, maybe reach out to your pastor.
2 Likes
Itās called narcissistic and there is no cure as they see nothing wrong with themselves. Get out is my advice.
5 Likes
Time to seek counseling. If he doesnāt go then time to move on with your life without him. It takes 2 to make a marriage and household run. If youāre depressed thatās not good for the kids and they are your 1st priority.
2 Likes
Pack your stuff and the kids stuff and get the hell out of there, or throw his arse to the kerb. Honey your already living the life of a single mum so get rid of that extra disappointment in ur lifeā¦ get urself and kids in a routine and trust me life will become easier and smoother. He is dragging you down and you donāt need thatā¦
1 Like
Leave him. You make it on your own any way and he cost you. This is coming from someone who went thru same thing for 19 years and should have left.
2 Likes
I would think this would be the time that I would give him his walking papers if he doesnāt start sharing the responsibility. And stick to your word.
2 Likes
You probably already know what your solution is. He is a father and husband in name only. Time to leave and hit him up for child support!!
2 Likes
Sorry mum the shoes you wear you know the pain we can advise you but the decision is in your hand mum decide wisely
1 Like
Leave him. You are already living the life of a single mum but at least you will only be looking after yourself and your children without the added burden of a man child.
You deserve to be happy and so do your children. This negative marriage is not helping anyone
2 Likes
Donāt be depressed! Time for a whole new attitude !.. if your doing it by yourself already then dump the drunk! You will be happier and the kids will be more secure without the arguments
1 Like
First, no reason to keep taking care of him. Dont fix him meals, dont so his laundry. Dont listen to his woes. Let him feel how you feel a while. If you can afford it, hire a maid who will also cook some of the family meals.
You have answered your own question ā¦U are tired U work too much no help ā¦you have had enoughā¦your husband has the perfect life ā¦a married man with a family wife looks after him n kids works n pays for food and he lives the life of an indulgent single manā¦what are you doing ā¦through him out on his ass
Hand your roommate a bill for housing and call it a day. Does he have a complaint? Tell him he pays whats due or hes getting evicted or hell - Iād evict myself! You are not his mama and if he wont act like a parent or take responsibility for his part in the household then he is not your man. He is your roommate. Only buy groceries for you and your babies. Cook and clean for you and your babies. Let him cook for himself. He has disconnected his interest and has checked out. Let his mama take care of him if he wants to complain. You are only responsible for you and your children let that grown ass boy fend for himself or let him see his way out the door and back to his parents house. Drop that baggage off where it belongs because it shouldnt rest on your shoulders!! See your worth girl and cut that toxic leech off! You sound like you can handle yourself - hell youāve been handling it all alone so let him go.
1 Like
Open your eyes honey. Surround yourself with happiness and positive situations. Lifeās too short to live miserable. It passes on down to the kids. Get out and if your doing all that you say your doing wouldnāt you think it be a lot easier not having to take care of this man too
Better have a heart to heart talk with him,or better yet write him a letter poring your heart out to himā¦If that does not help,look for a marriage counselor or a priestā¦If everything fails,then i think you must make a decision for your sakeā¦Do what you think will make your life stress free,after all you are an independent womanā¦You donāt need a man who is not a partner at all.You will just prolong your misery.
1 Like
I was a single mom of two kids and adopted the third I did it all on my own it is hard sometimes but it is much easier to do it on your known and know that youāre doing a good job and doing the best you can without someone dragging you down youāre worth more than that if youāre not happy tell him to get out or leave itās much easier to do it on your own instead of dealing with negativity and teach your kids how to be respectful otherwise they will learn what heās doing is okay
1 Like
No way would I put up with that. He is not a family man and never will be.
I would leave and find a relationship that makes me happy. There are so many good men out there that would love to be a partner in life with you. You already support yourself so what is keeping you there?
I just left a relationship exactly like this. If you can do it on your ownā¦then do it on your own. Itās scary but you and your kids deserve better. 
I donāt mean to hurt you, but why have him in the house? Why be married to him? Your life would probably be simpler, quieter, calmer and peaceful without him
Iām 66. Life is too short to put up with that crap. If I did that my whole life till 66 Iād kick myself.
Life can be good. You do everything now it seems.
My dad was the same. Either kick him out, change the locks or leave him. You have proved you can do this on your own. You donāt need him hun, you and your children deserve love and happiness.
Get rid of the bum. You are already doing it all yourself. Open that door of opportunity for yourself and see what better thing are waiting for you!
1 Like
You can do bad all by yourself. My mantraā¦.if he aināt paying, he aināt staying. Plus, if youāre buying a man, who wants to buy a drunk? Theyāre free or at minimum a dime a dozen. God Bless.
No judgment but ditch the husband. Sounds harsh but youāre doing it all anyway so not much would change except how you feel about yourself and your life. This is a chapter trying to come to a close to make room for a brighter future for you and your family. I know its easy to leave someone and especially hard with children and many times leaving is just the beginning. But youāll thank yourself in 5 years guaranteed 
Well youāre already doing it by yourself right? You donāt need him and you certainly deserve way better than what heās giving you. God it likes taking care of a third kid. And you donāt need that. I think you already know what to do, you just needed a bunch of strangers on the internet to say it for you which is perfectly ok. 
Sorry but when itās time youāre know ! And youāre do something about it, then you will be happy, you will just depend on your self and stop looking for help being disappointed, it take being a strong person , it gets lonely at times, just keep your eye on the right thing to do, Do your best, always better and better, he may hate his life , and just donāt want to help , set his ass free!!
Pack his shit up in a trash bag. And take out the trash out of the house. You need a crock pot and cook while you are sleeping. When you wake up food is ready for the next day.Teach your kids to clean up with you.
You are already doing everything on your own anyway, so, throw his arse out the door, change the locks and donāt look back. Its hard enough to do it all on your own as it is but having a husband that is supposed to be your support system, your partner, not measure up and share the responsibilities of raising a family etc, just adds too much stress. Trust me, once he is gone and out of your life, you will feel like a new woman and then you can breathe again. Even though youāll still be doing everything by yourself as you are now, itāll feel so much easier because you wont have that excess baggage weighing you down. I speak from experience x 3 !!!
Tell him how you feel & be prepared to do it alone - it sounds like you already are
1 Like
Lady he sounds like he has a side lady DUMP HIM that way you have 1 less kid to deal with and as he doesnāt help you wont even miss the other paycheck
If your already doing it yourself than you might as well be on your own
1 Like
You are already doing it all by yourself. You can just as well be on your own. Just my opinion. Some men sometimes learn the hard way. Iāve seen it a few times in my life. All the best to you and your children 
Well he sounds about useless to you. Youāre doing it all yourself anyway. So it wouldnāt feel much different if he werenāt aroundš¤·āāļø
1 Like
The word love never came up in your post , re read your post hes not acting like your partner/husband just a drop off laundry service. Get yourself tested at your gyno and get a lawyer . Youāre already doing it all on your own ,you and your kids donāt need himā¦
Been there, done that! DITCH! You wonāt believe how happy you will be without him. The kid will be fine, heās not much of a father figure anyways. You want to teach those kids what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. Get a lawyer and get spousal and child support. Heāll be more helpful then he ever was in person! Youāre already a strong woman and it will be a breeze.
I used to be like you. I realized I made this decision, no one else. I didnāt need to take college courses until my kids were grown. I didnot need to work at a job outside the home, I could work from home, baking, sewing, child care, etc. I am telling you this because now I am 70 plus years old and my kids are grown, I am retired, I am still married to the same man, I have enjoyed my life so much after 50 years old that I wonder why everything I thought was important as a young woman really is not that important. You have choices and a lot of time left. No offence intended but life is short, You do not need to take on all the responsibilty. Give yourself a break! With love!
This life is unhealthy for u n ur kids ur son will think itās OK to treat a woman this way when he grows up ur daughter will think this is natural because mommy stays,wake up n smells the coffee 
u does everything on ur own take ur kids n go think of u n ur kids happiness nobody works all day n all night thatās a lie from the pit of hell depression is going to eat u to nothing u may end up in a mental institution n then he move on with his lifeā¦look in the mirror 
n ask urself what do I worth how much longer can I do this ur kids only have u r u going to let them lose the one parent they have leave I pray ur strength get down in prayer tell it to Jesus he will hear ur humble cry he never leaves nor forsake us just trust him keep the faith try to go to church even once Sunday r Saturday in the month God will set u free but u have to try to help urself as well my dear sister stand up n fight for ur children n urself in Jesus name I pray have a superfick day God b with you always manners n respect nuff love 
Sounds like you donāt need him. He is just extra weight for you to carry.
Stop taking care of him! Donāt wash his cloths make food for you and the kids eat when kids eat. If he wants clean cloths tell him where the washer is or the kitchen for food.
You are not responsible for him just your kids
Just leave him, anyway you are doing everything by yourself. I used to love one guy that he was so sure of himself that he was saying to me "i can do whatever I want, I know you love me and you will never leave me " or āyou never find anything better than meāā¦ So meanwhile in Thailand in vacation I left him even though I didnāt have anymore a place where to liveā¦ I love myself more than I loved him, and for sure I am better than him. Love yourself more and donāt let anyone to disrespect you and your life.
YOU HAVE A SORRY HUSBAND THAT YOU NEED TO SHOW THE DOOR . HE OFFERS YOU NOTHING BUT GRIEF - you are doing all and he is a libility. FIND HELP TO GET YOU THROUGH THIS PROBLEM.
No judgement other than of him. Heās not doing right by you or the kids. Time to move on. At least youāll get child support then. Start getting things ready to get your own place and separate/divorce or tell him to move out so kids arenāt disrupted. Set up a visiting schedule and see if he wants to see them. Go online in your state and find the child support guidelines and let him know that amount. Put a plan together and propose it for now. Adjustments can be made later. Heās out late not working 
kids need to see better also and a happy Mom. All the best!
What ever you do dont stay for the kids, they deserve 2 happy homes rather than 1 miserable 1!
Sounds like you do it all already, youāve got this mumma x
If your doing it all now without any support, emotionally or financially from him, what do you need him for
If your not happy. Kick him out and move on with your life, because itās too short to be with someone who doesnāt love you
Get his clothes pack them up and put them on the doorstep and change the locks ready for when he comes back. Your doing it all alone anyway you might as well save yourself some money by having one less to look after and pay for!!
Thats not a husband. Thars a man child. Since you have to do everything on your own anyhow, why nit kick him to the curb? At least if you have to do it all, youāre not doing it for a deadbeat man child too. No judgement here, everybodys got their own crap, myself included & I know its easier saud than done but if I can leave a drug addict/alcoholic and do it in my own with 3 little boys, anyone can! Good luck.
I am so sorry. I do understand though. I am going through similar without kids though & Iāve prayed & decided to separate & let things go. See itās been going on to long & nothing is changing so u must change since he wonāt & consider letting the relationship go & move. Relationships are give & take, both parties have to do their part. If not then itās not gona work. He either needs to step up & be a good man to his family or leave.
Kick is ass out the door. You donāt need him youāre doing it all by yourself now because your a strong and beautiful woman.
Make yourself happy heād be one less big kid to take care of
1 Like
Time to leave him. If youāre doing all that work for your kids itās fine but donāt take cate and support a grown ass man. Leave now before it gets worse.
Love yourself and your children. If a woman does not depend on any man, then she is equal to man.
Why are you still with him. The kids are his too. Give him 2 choices. Step up as husband and father or take the door. And make sure it hits him on the ass on his way out. Change the locks. Get a lawyer. Sue for child support. Best of luck to you. You donāt need him. He is an adult itās time for him to step up.
You already proven to yourself you donāt need him. How does benefit you. Is he an asset or a loss. I say the latter. You already doing everything. Move on. Your kids will thank you for it. You canāt change people but you can make the changešš»āāļø
If you are already the husband and wife.
Mom and daddy why are you letting yourself and these kids being treated this way??
I know someone going through the same situation
30plus years
I tell my sister EVERYDAY SHE IS CRAZY for allowing this go happen to her
I read bits and pieces of your story to her and she said send her my phone number
I did the same mess NINE YEARS I WAS DONE AFTER THAT
I KNOW GOD BLESSED ME WITH ONE CHILD FOR A REASON
PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR LIFE ON HIM
THIS ALSO TAKES A BAD EFFECT ON THE KIDS
I pray you find strength to leave RUNNIN
1 Like
Talk to God for guidence, listen for his answer and help, find a church and make Christian friends, they r always there to help. Sounds like he needs to change and if he doesnāt then u need to make a change, you canāt work any harder without him as u do with him.
I hate to tell you what you donāt want to hear but nothing you do will make him change.
He is showing you his true self. You have a couple options.
- Stay and stay depressed and exhausted.
- Leave and make a better life for you and the children.
Hey sweetie, Iām a old lady but had some of what you talk about in th he past. It sucks for sure. Well I decided to take care of my kids, my home, my pets, as nd myself. Not hubby. He was forced to fend for himself. Yes he had to learn some lessons. Married 44 years.
His life to him is more important than you or the kids so give him his life because you are enabling a mans partying and possibly with other women.
You donāt need him he needs you so cut the cord and leave him when heās not looking and donāt go back when he starts begging he wonāt change.
Time to kick him and his secret life to the curb. You are already doing the single mom routine and a divorce would get rid on one extra toxic thing youāre dealing with now.
I assume these are his kids. He needs to grow up and stop being a lazy sob.
Time to go. Youāre basically doing it all on your own so no need for all the added stress of a 3rd grown child who is suppose to be your partner. You will be happier