Well id be moving far away from this “relationship”, he doesnt love you, hes cheating, he wants his cake and to eat it too, you deserve much better than him, someone who will love you and treat you with respect, you dont need this man
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He sounds like a narcissist to me. I know from decades of experience there’s confusion about their behavior. They can run hot and cold, mostly cold. When they “straighten up” and act nicer you tend to think they finally understand what they’re doing wrong and will stay that way…but they won’t. It’s a losing battle with them. They’re brain isn’t wired right. Bottom line is if he either can’t see (or doesn’t want to bother) how his actions make you feel then it’s a lost cause. I’m sorry you’re caught up in this relationship. I’m still trying to get out of mine. I wish us both luck.
Run. Run as fast as you can. He’s not being honest with you. You deserve better.
Run and don’t look back he has no respect for you.
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He made you feel “horrible.” That’s deflection. He’s stepping out (yes, he is, whether you believe it or not) and he’s keeping you in line by making you feel bad for asking for what is normal. You don’t have a marriage, you have a man who eats and sleeps at your house. You will see this eventually.
His love and respect for you are gone and not coming back. He is, and has been for awhile putting it towards another. Resentfulness has already started on both sides, and will only grow deeper if this relationship continues. Walking away from someone you love is hard. But dragging it out only makes both of you bitter. Been there twice now, and for not walking away when i should have has left me bitter about any future relationships. You don’t want that. No need for any argument or discussion. Just walk away.
This isn’t a question you should ask strangers because we can never possibly understand the full situation or history. I advise couples counseling focused on strengthening your communication with your partner. Of course I have an opinion based on your post- but I realize I can’t possibly know the full story either.
I have a girl friend. My wife doesn’t mind because it’s her! I wouldn’t have it any other way!
He flirts with other woman right the he disrespects u and if he was with his best friend like he would treat her the same way he treats u . Life is short find ur own happiness
If he is sneaking around, you have already lost him! You just have to figure out if you want to live that way or move on! You will know when it is time to stop putting up with his BS!
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He has to go! You need someone who commits completely and treat you like a Queen or just be alone! That man is not worth it!
Just my thought. One, you can’t make anyone want to spend time with you or spend more attention on you. It has to come from them automatically because they want to because you’re a priority to them. If you feel less then maybe rethink what this marriage means to him perspective instead of yours.
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I was married to a man who treated EVERYONE better than he did me. I’m single now and know what I deserve…
You sound pretty young… get out before it’s too late. A man should always put his wife and her needs before anyone else
A real man does not treat his wife like that. And the fact that he blew up at you like it’s your fault means he’s a lying cheater.
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After many many years I found out my husbands jealousy and anger came from guilt. He was doing everything he accused me of. I agree you know where your future is headed. If you dont leave, dont be surprised when he does.
The core of this issue is: she is his best female friend -not you. You are his wife figure that he takes for granted. Also the fact that you focusing so much on her and his other adventures and then forgive just like that gives him an impression that his is a friggin macho and you are a despirate wife… It’s only a matter of time when he is going to cheat for REAL (if not yet). Get yourself a best male friend and have a life girl. Don’t waste anymore your precious time, beauty and youth on the one that doesn’t care …
Dump him. You shouldn’t have to live on the roller coaster like you’ve been. The end sounds inevitable so get off now.
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Stop doing the pick me dance, he’s exhibiting total cheater behavior… keeping you off balance and making HIS behavior your problem… stop, just start getting your things in order, get important papers and things to a safe place. Check out the Facebook page for chump lady…. So much experience and great advice on how to start this very painful journey….stop listening to people who tell you to just be better……that’s terrible advice. I’ve been There, it’s hard and you’re programmed to feel like you can fix it. You can’t and he won’t.
If a man wants to spend time with you, he will. If you’re his priority, he’ll show it. If he doesn’t, there’s your answer. Good luck!
And no matter what, know you’re going to be ok!!
If she was just a best friend, she would step back and encourage him to b with his wife…sounds like she’s not a nice person
I’ve been yhe guys best friend. Always seen as a threat. Because the guy was my friend I’d pull away. I was always totally on board with them focusing on their girlfriend instead of me. That’s the way its supposed to be. If she was truly his best friend she’d make sure you were comfortable with it. He needs to pull his head out of his butt!!
The only thing I will say though is that if my best friend called me up and said he needed someone to talk to I wouldn’t turn him away. But my advice would be in his girl’s best interest. I’d be saying " you need to talk to her, you need to tell her this. You need to show her she’s important…not to mention I’d be kicking his ass if I found out he was on dating sights and stuff.
Sometimes a female who is best friends with your man can be your greatest ally. Maybe approach her and have an honest conversation. She may have insight you don’t. She may have good advice. She may become your ally. If she won’t talk or listen or disrespects you then know enough is enough.
You’re actually supposed to be the best friend by the way. Thats why a good female best friend pulls away and let’s it go.
I went exactly through this as well, for your sake I hope things get better but once a cheater always a cheater, I don’t want to burst your bubble but if you feel something is not right, it is not right. I am no expert but I went through this and finally left my husband, I am so much better off without a man like him.
Playing devil’s advocate here… Do you ever complain to other people about him? Do you ever discuss issues with others? You seem to be upset that he’s venting to another female who has been in his life for awhile… It’s impossible to be everything for your spouse. That being said; some of his behaviors are troubling such as the dating sites and stuff and I imagine it’s because there’s no spark and excitement in your marriage these days. Spice things up. Communicate better. If you want to make it work it takes work.
If you have to worry and wonder about him, you’ve already lost him. I know it’s hard but you will be ok alone.
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Leave. Have the courage to do it. You deserve better and if the way he treats you doesn’t open up your eyes and how you’re feeling….don’t know what else to tell you. Either continue to endure it or do something about it.
Start playing country western songs about being on your own and lovin it! And shedding some extra unappreciative weight. It may be time to think about YOU
Time to go. Sorry, it’s not about cheating, it’s about knowing your not the best for each other. If you have to fight for your place in this relationship it’s not a good match. So sorry. Your true soul mate is waiting for you. 
Holding you in love and light.
A man with a Wandering eye and Cheating Heart he is most likely not going to change he will do it to the same sing to anybody else is this the way you want to live your life remember it is the only one that you have
Take your husband to marriage counseling. Do it in a subtle way and tell him how you truly feel. Explain you’re close to your breaking point as you feel your losing your grip on his love and your relationship and that if he wants to fight for it and you he has to show you. Let him know how much you love him and how you keep all others out of your relationship but you feel he doesn’t and that it feels like a punch to your soul and your bleeding right now. Tell him you feel like your fighting for your life but you won’t fight alone. Let him know you’re willing to go to marital counseling but you won’t go alone. Also even if the counseling starts together it’s perfectly fine at some point to do it individually as he seems to have other things going on but be adamant that you go together in the beginning and that it stays between the two of you if he wants this marriage. Best of blessings to you both in your journey:heartpulse:
Ask yourself, is this what I want my children to accept as normal? Do I want my sons to treat their SO’s like this? Do I want my daughters to accept this treatment for themselves? If the answer is no, you need to leave. He won’t change, even with counseling. He sees nothing wrong with the disparities of your relationship and the one he has with his “best friend”.
You love the idea of what he could be, but in reality, he treats you like dirt. What’s to love about someone like that!? The problems you have with him are his, he isn’t nice to you & you are constantly made to feel bad. That’s not love, Move on…
You obviously know you deserve better. And you obviously know you aren’t treating him right either or you wouldn’t have issues in your relationship. By some of the things you say, there is a lot of blame being tossed and not much responsibility being taken. Both parties need to be in it to win it and it sounds like neither of you are. So you both need to make some serious decisions.
I had a ton of guy friends & my husband had a ton of female friends before we got together.After that we had a conversation about it & mutually agreed that it was/is inappropriate to be hanging out telling personal buisness to any of them. We still remained friends just never have hung out alone, text or call eachother. If we wanted to do something it would be a couples thing & nothing more, no one on ones!! It’s a respect thing & a smart thing to do. I’m not saying we control eachother or anything like that but once you’re a solid couple theres no reason either one should be confiding any personal matters with the opposite sex about their spouse! Feelings change & a friend that once was only a friend even for years can easily become more! I’ve seen it way to many times!!! Good luck!
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5 sentences in and I can’t read anymore. This ex wife of a antisocial personality disorder person tells you to start planning your escape. Financially and emotionally because you have to do no contact or don’t even consider leaving because if he manipulates you back the punishment he thinks you deserve gets worse and worse. Get out and disappear. Research narcissistic abuse. I already see triangulation and several other tricks this disorder uses to keep their prey. Educating yourself is the beginning to your freedom. Trauma bonding is probably going on and you need to treat this relationship as a drug addiction. You need to leave and detox. It becomes much more clear when those mind games are over. Prepare for smear campaign or just leave state and everyone you know. Good luck.
He’s treating another female better than you (friend) or not I’d be out. That’s a situation of him putting himself in a position to always cause doubt. I wouldn’t make him pick, I’d pick for him. Pick you and move on.
Well my sweets my ma wanted me to be friend his best friend a Girl we went to lunch movies invited her to dinner then one night we all went out drinking put her in downstairs bedroom I awoke he was missing from our bed thought he went to kitchen for water walked down an found him snuggled w hervin spare room needless to say I woke them both then walked out nevervwent back they were a couple within a few days so watch yourself!
You aren’t his first choice…it’s his best friend first…I can’t believe you actually need advise…I would have kicked him to the curb along time ago…
He is just trying to placate you while he decides whether he wants this new woman. He doesn’t want to completely let you go yet, but it is coming. It is only a matter of time. No matter what you do. No matter how good you are to him, it is just a matter of time before he will be gone. I guarantee it. Been through this exact scenario. Get yourself strong and prepared for it now. There are much better men out there who do not play these kind of mind games.
It’s your decision to make, but think of how you’re feeling right now and ask yourself if you want to keep feeling this way. Me? I wouldn’t want to.
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He’s a narcissist!!! Leave him now!!! He will NOT change because he doesn’t see a problem with his behavior. By allowing it, you are teaching him what you will accept from him. Don’t Devalue yourself by staying.
Honestly its not worth the trouble,I been through similar only difference was w my ex it was always a female from work he flirt w n says nothing going on,we had issues a while back n long story short I kicked him out for hiding things behind my back lived together but we were broke up still during this time til I got MY EVIDENCE TO KICK HIM OUT,it wasnt worth going through the same thing over n over,eventually that love dies,don’t let the man fool u get ur evidence behind his back w/o him finding out,speaking from experience n now I’m in process of buying a house n potentially to have a better man in my life so things get better when u leave someone n could feel alot better not worrying what they could be doing,theres no trust
His treading all over you and your relationship, whereas you are treading on eggshells around him. Not healthy. Stand your ground, set your boundaries and go if he takes the piss. X
Never be someone’s 2nd best. I don’t see a problem with a guy having a female as a best friend but…if he only puts you down and never praises you to her I feel like she is more then that. I have male friends I may vent to from time to time but they also hear all the great things too and know my man is and always will be my number 1. I personal feel like it’s over if you are sneaking around on dating sides. There is no need to look for attention from other women if he loves you. I would not tolerate that. If you don’t respect me enough to sit down and have an adult conversation about what you feel and what we may need to work on before it gets to the point of looking around for someone else I don’t need you in my life. No matter how much you love him always love yourself more.
Just my opinion here. I believe platonic relationships are possible between opposite sexes but no one should esteem a friend above their mate, male or female. I think he’s in love with his best friend. The article doesn’t say if she is involved with someone but I would bet yes. He can’t have her so he’ll take the next best thing. What can the wife do? Not a whole lot. Wait it out and hope he comes to his senses or cut her losses and find someone who will love her the way she deserves.
Everyone is saying leave him and while I can’t disagree…I have some questions. Are you showing him attention? I don’t just mean sexual I mean are you putting forth effort to make it known that you love and appreciate him? Often times we forget that our men need attention too. Like cooking his favorite meal, making plans for just you to in something he enjoys, leaving little notes, thanking him for little things he does around the house. I know especially in the south our men are big and strong and it’s “their job” to do things but they need to feel appreciated as well. If you are doing that and still getting treated like leftover meatloaf, please let him go. Hugs and love 
You really don’t want too hear what people have too say. You want them to side with you, to make you feel good about what your doing , trying to fix him. Dump his Ass. Men that Disrespect their wife’s don’t Deserve to have a wife. Choice is yours!!
Treating her the way you want him to treat you,that is cheating. You deserve better. He has no right to blow up and get mad unless he is guilty of what you say he is doing
I have been married 58 years. There were many times that I was ready to walk out, but something kept me from it. Every marriage has strengths & weaknesses. Try to focus on the good & work to resolve the bad! Sometimes it is impossible to continue, but most of the time you can find solutions. Give it everything you’ve got before you throw in the towel.
You should take a vacation by yourself. And don’t tell him where you are going. Just disappear one night. If you have kids and no one to watch them, then get sleeping bags for them, and a tent and go camping. You have got to do something to be proactive.
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He is making her a priority and you an option. So I would opt out!
That’s cheating. Why is your husband’s best friend a female? Why is he talking to females on the internet? I’m sorry, all of that is a deal breaker for me. To put it bluntly, you are being played for a royal fool. That situation has been over for awhile. I’m sorry but loving him isn’t enough. You need a foundation of honesty, trust, and fidelity, which is not there. You need to get out of this toxic situation.
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You are not the bad guy, he is. If he is speaking badly of you to other women, then what else is he doing? He can no longer be trusted and without trust in a relationship, there is nothing. Trust is the main component in any relationship. Without it , you have nothing anyway. Get rid of him, you deserve way better.
I’d send him packing, he will never treat you the way you want and it will always be your fault. He has shown you who his priority is. Hint: it isn’t you.
Someone said this “if you continue standing there when someone is abusing you, you are giving them permission to continue “. The first time I walked away was scary but I will never take it again
Call it…but before you do…set up an account in your own name and be prepared. From my experience divorces get ugly and men go for the jugular…take care of yourself.
He’s not the one for you. You can’t change him & since you let him treat you disrespectfully, he will just keep doing it.
It seems like you should take some time and invest in yourself and in your own confidence. Do things that make you happy. He won’t change until you do.
Well act like you don’t care and do you’re own thing. See if he likes that. Don’t waste your time trying to hold on to someone who apparently doesn’t put you first. I know I sound cold but at 71 I learned most people want what they don’t have. He is taking advantage of you. You say oh well and he’ll come running.
You have already lost him, buttercup. A wife should be the husband’s best friend. He is playing you like a fiddle! This screams cheating! That gal is no friend of yours, open your eyes and get in the real world. I’m sorry for the situation you are in, you can either stick your head in the sand and pretend all is well or you can decide to confront the situation head on. Been there done that!
Kick him to the curb your self worth is more important what he’s doing is a form of abuse I know I have been there and trust me it doesn’t get better it gets worse
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There’s nothing that she can do. Marriage counseling might help but only if he agrees to go and do the work. The bottomline is that she can’t make anyone love her or treat her well.
#HerSay
Save your money, gather all the evidence , know where the valuables are located. get copies of what valuables are worth . Write down every mean thing he says to you. Get you a lawyer; get couseling and take his rear end to the cleaners. Call it Alimoney. One.more day with this creep should be one day too long after you get your evidence.
Grow up for one. If you keep pushing to get him to spend time with you when it is clear he has no desire to, get ready to lose him no matter what or how you feel.
Leave and you’ll find someone that respect you and really love.
His “best friend” has gotta go…that’s your place and your jealousy is righteous whether or not they are “doing anything “, there’s at least an emotional intimacy that excludes you!!! Let a counselor tell him… Christian counselor
He’s playing games. Making you out to be the bad guy. Tell him there’s the door until he can figure out who means more to him. Next he’ll accuse you of messing around. You need to love yourself more! If he loves you he’ll make the decision quick and easy. Stand your ground. Dating sites and bestie wouldn’t go in my house. There’s more to it.
You and you alone need to make the final decision .
Life is to short to be with someone that does not make you happy .
Trust your instincts. A real man builds is wife up to others not tear her down.
Watch FIREPROOF. Itll help. I dont ever suggest leaving as long as there’s a chance. Or you can follow kirk Cameron’s suggestions on fb. He uses the same steps as FIREPROOF.
You two aren’t on a good path. I suggest some marriage counseling. Also I have had lots of good friends who were guys. But once they got married I stepped back and so did they.
You said you love him and don’t want to loose him. What men look for is to be respected and admired. You need to start with doing what you did when you first dated. Share in a fun activity with no kids or friends- just you 2. Reconnect on an emotional level. Next, ask him what makes him feel loved- if he says “touch”, then you need to step up casual, short touches. If he says, “Words of affirmation, I bet you can be creative and come up with something to affirm him about every day. Be genuinely looking for the positive even when the negative is screaming at you. Try to be the best wife one day at a time. If you treat him like a king, he will treat you like a queen. Google “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Gary Smalley had practical and funny helps, too.
“Below are the 5 Love Languages and a brief description of each one:
Words of Affirmation. One way to express love is to use words that build up. …
*Quality time. Quality time is giving someone your time & attention. …
*Gift Giving (Receiving) …
*Acts of Service. …
*Physical Touch.
Your husband is a classic narcissist. You know in your heart what he is doing is considered cheating maybe not physical but leading to that point! He is the one that needs to change and if he isn’t willing to and making you the bad guy instead of confessing up to his mistakes then I hate to say it that your marriage isn’t going to work. I would seek marriage counseling and if that doesn’t help then just leave the marriage and file divorce. No man is worth making you feel like shit on a daily basis while he can go praise his lady friend and talk down about you to her! Don’t let him control you like this. I know it is hard but you deserve so much better!
Even though he “says” nothing is going on, with his history I would be Leary of anything he says. You should never have to beg for his attention. Get a lawyer and let his “ best friend “ have him. Get out and find someone who will love and pay attention to you. You deserve it
He isn’t worth it as long as you keep forgiving he will keep it up.
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You should leave and find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, i know from experience it isn’t easy but trust me you will be better off in the long run .
Leave, trust me, or you’ll be like me, stuck; where u don’t want want to be… Just go, it’s not worth it… Take it from me … been there done that… still doing it … and lonely asf I am…
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You need to separate from this man or at least go on with your life /. The only real answer for you is to seek the Lord. Get your eyes on TheLord . I never advise to divorce but this man is taking advantage of you in every way. Don’t feed his need to abuse! He will throw you out and reel you back in over and over again- if you have a relative you can stay with I would separate from him and clear your your head. He has some serious mental Heath issues.
The saddest thing about this post, is that she has no friends to confide in, and must rely on the advice of total strangers.
No female “best friends” for married men. Period.
I recommend you go to YouTube and educate yourself on Narcissistic Personality disorder. You love your husband very much, but he is not behaving like he loves YOU very much.
Dump him. He is untrustworthy. And get yourself some professional help. Why do you hate yourself so much that you would tolerate this treatment and beg for more?
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He shouldn’t have a female best friend. Been there done that. !! Their friends until it crosses a line
Walk away…run away fast and completely do not let him put the blame on you GET OUT NOW
Hunny if this guy is doing all that… then you already know he ain’t got it for you… he is hanging on because nothing is solid with any of the other girls he has hit on … once 1 sticks he is gone… watch your ass… your gunna get dumped as soon as someone gives him the ok.
Seriously!! It’s never going to work with you to. He wants more than one women!! It’s time to wake up and smell the coffee!!! Your better off without him!!!
If you don’t have trust, you have nothing. There is a soul mate out there for you but you won’t find him if you stay in this abusive relationship. Demand better for yourself. That’s how I found my soul mate.
Some of you females out here put up with way to much . Entertaining another female while in a relationship is a no and especially if he is confiding in her about you and your relationship. That to me is emotionally cheating. Cut it off or cut him off it will never work out
If it has that famous clause “I love him too much” it’s difficult for us
Girl pack and run! Who knows after you are gone for a while, he may wake up, but be prepared for it not happening.
If you are asking deep down you already know the answer now the question is are you ready to take the next step that is going to change you re life and be happy again
Get a male best friend & make the plans YOU have always wanted to do but didn’t because YOUR man didn’t want too.
Shows he has lack of Good character…Once trust is gone its over…
You don’t deserve that at all, you should leave asap! He will never appreciate you the way you deserve to be treated
Sounds like he is trying to get in her pants if he hasn’t already…
You teach people to treat you.
You show them exactly how you value yourself.
Girl…take yourself off the clearance rack. You are worthy of someone who values you.
He will always make you feel it’s your fault. That is a cover up.
He’s probably cheating if he can’t treat you with respect get rid of him
You know I wonder where all her friends are at and why they aren’t helping her?
You need some therapy to work on yourself image. You deserve better and until you see that and kick him to the curb (because he IS cheating on you) hes going to keep on doing what he is doing.
He shouldn’t be discussing your marital problems with another woman outside of your marriage. Period.