Sounds like he’s controlling you just as his mother is controlling him! If his mother is still controlling him & he’s allowing it… then chances are he’s not gonna change with you! GET OUT!! Trust me… THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! Good luck!
He’s trying to control you . His mother could have him back ! Since he listens to her so well . Get a job and a place to live then leave .
Retrieve your pride and leave and don’t look back. You’ll get access to that account through the divorce whether he likes it or not . The judge will decide how much is yours.
Heck no! MIL needs to keep her nose out of the marriage. If there is no trust in a marriage it will never work.
Run fast why would you even let this happen let him go live with his mother you need to find a job and take care of your self no one should control you like that
You have no control of what he does. You only have control over you. He’s not going to give you money and it sounds like he’s getting off on having all the power. If you are not ok with it then you need to change what you are doing.
Is he willing to watch the baby? Maybe you should get a job working opposite shifts as your husband that way you would have access to a car and your own money. If he won’t watch the baby or you don’t trust him to is there a friend or family member who would? I would also contact the state and see if they have any day care assistance or programs to help you get back to work.
He’s not going to change and obviously you’re not happy. If you want things to be different you need to initiate it. Take some of your control back. He doesn’t get to be lord god dictator and you’re not helpless but you do need to ask for help whether it be from him, a relative, a neighbor, or even the state.
It doesn’t matter if he works. Just because you don’t earn a paycheck doesn’t mean you don’t work calculate what you would get paid for each job show it to him. If he doesn’t realize your value then get rid of him
You need to leave that situation not only for your sake but your child’s. You don’t want your child growing up thinking that type of treatment of you is ok, it’s not. Call a shelter or your family if you have one for help. Good luck.
Find a good divorce lawyer and move on. After 5 years suffering with my ex husband I got fed up and divorced him. I was stay at home mom with a 2 year old. 20 years later it was best decision ever! Have a wonderful boyfriend now who treats my right and loves me!
Mamas boy won’t change. Sounds like a controlling person. You don’t say if you have children. If you don’t, please think long & hard before you do.
I am in my second marriage. We do have separate accounts but both names on are them & we each have access.
A marriage has to have trust between each other. If not, you will never be happy. Husband needs to grow up, be a man & tell his mom to but out.
He needs to grow up you married him not his mother you keep house you clean wash dishes make the bed wash his cloths fix him meals without pay remind him of all you do if he loves you he will change an tell his mother to stay out of your marriage unless he or you ask for her help
You should go get a job some where walking distance or with a friend and get your own money.and move on with your life with out his mama and him if he has a problem with it sorry to be harsh
Set up a joint account and get a card for it. He can then transfer x amount from each check so you have money at your disposal to use when needed without picking what you can afford based on when he gives you. He has access as well so he can see that it’s not being “waisted”.
I would say get out of there quick. This a man who can not be trusted. The same with his mother
Walk away, no trust does not sustain a relationship. This is controlling behavior and it’s two people trying to control you, your husband and his mother.
LEAVE! THERE IS NO CURE. Why waste your time and youth on this situation. It’s only going to get worse. Sorry you didn’t see that while you were dating for 4 years
This is financial abuse. Get a job or find a way to pull some income. Don’t expect him to change. You bent to his will now you have to woman up and stand up for yourself. Not Just with him but with the world. Also remember, partners should be equals. 2 adults working together to build together. You have allowed yourself to be a dependent in your marriage. I do not mean your shm status as that can be an equal balance as well. But that you have allowed him and his mother a majority share of control in your life. Once again. Do not expect him to change. Fix it yourself
I would just let him know that I intended to get a job in the evenings so I could have pocket money. And “yes dear, you can take care of the children in the evenings while I work. Maybe your Mom could help you out?” See what his response is to THAT!!!
I would have him pay for daycare then and get a job, save up and leave as soon as you can. It will always be like this if he listens to everything his mother says.
Thats financial abuse. I suggest you get a part time job and have your own money but ultimately this behaviour from him isnt one that can be tolerated and he needs to be given an ultimatum. Joint account or you go.
If he will not go to counseling to address this issue get out. This is abuse.
Sounds like you are in a controlling situation . Sounds abusive. He’s isolating you and controlling you . I would run and run fast .
I did that and for 20.5 years I thought he would change… he didn’t and ultimately I left and life has been GREAT!!! If he always sides with his mom he doesn’t respect you!!! It won’t change he’s probably a narcissist!! My son is a mommas boy but his wife is his partner and when I give advice they talk about it or I explain to her my reasons and she usually sees it but he does not deny her anything and I would never tell him to!! She is his wife and it’s his job to provide for her not control her!!
First thing I did when me and my wife moved into our apartment ( before we got married) was put her as a signer on my bank account. She works and has her own account and just recently after being married a year she added me to her account. He should have you on the account and he doesn’t then I question his motives
Maybe he should live with his mother.i suggest you get some kind of job. Anything, you need to have access to money at all times. Any children.
If you’ve known him for 4 years before getting married, were you not aware of any of this with his mother and his money??? Get out now! It will only get worse.
Leave!!! Before more damage…i give my girlfriend my card when she ask and I bought her a car so I don’t have to drive her…then she was able to get a job at grocery store and open her own account!!! thats called a helping hand …Now she doesn’t need me to drive her or ask for my card because of our healthy relationship
Sounds like she is being held captive rather than being a partner.
f—k that ! Take charge ! It’s you letting him do this he is married to you as an equal ! You set his mom straight to and tell her her name is not on the marriage license do now or you will suffer greatly forever !
Tell him he can’t answer to 2 women. He needs to either be your husband and family or he needs to take care of mom…not enough space for both. And also give him the responsibility of groceries or any other shopping
I was in this same position, except I did have a car because I was responsible for taking the kids to their doctors appointments. I did have a debit card so I could go grocery shopping, but I had to show receipts. I lasted 17 years…I tried to stay for the kids until they were finished with school. But I realized that was another 4 years…I was on an antidepressant for years…I realized until I changed my environment I’d be on them the rest of my life. I filed for divorce…it took years to complete because he fought me every step of the way. But I got through it. My kids were supportive which I was so grateful for. The control will not end…
Doesn’t sound like he considers you his wife, just a maid in his own home. The fact that he treats you that way shows he dont trust you nore truly appreciates you. Walk away…
You don’t have a car or money!? Omg it’s like being a child. And I also don’t think that’s safe. You have kids what I’d you need to take them to the ER or urgent care???
Nothing leave now and get an education so you can support yourself
Depends what state you live in, first. Is it a state where everything is equally shared? Then whatever is in the bank is half yours.
Open your own account and put your money in it. You need to bill your own credit.
If you don’t have one get a job. By his rules you give the household what your budget requires and anything above that stays in your account. By the way, use a different bank and not the same one he has his accounts.
There are lots of jobs that you can do at home such as proofreading, transcribing, part time babysitting. You can do this without needing his or his mother’s approval. Don’t ask just calmly advise and stand your ground. If he truly is a mama’s boy then if you stand strong he won’t.
Always marry an orphan. Short of that . You need to get a job … walk to work or work at home. NEVER give him a single cent of your earnings. Save save save … and MOVE OUT.
They both sound like control freaks, sorry! I hate to say it, but I have experience with a mamas boy and it’s only going to get worse.
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Sthm- your kids-his kids ? Either way get out NOW! The fact he’s that way plus his mother is dictating his movements. This is a volatile situation in the making. How many children? Why not work? Just not right
That’s domestic abuse, google it, he needs to fix it or get out! His mother needs Jesus she sounds like a piece of work!
Think about if that is the way you want to live for the rest of your life? Get a job, walk till you save money for a car. You can decide after if you want to stay or go. Some people don’t change. You can only change yourself
Send him back to momma and get a job and have all that in your name do it for yourself that’s not love that’s control what he is doing to you
Get a job and make your own money and do the same to him …have a nest egg just in case your marriage ends cause if he is that big of a mommas boy it’s not going to last long .sorry dear girl
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Get out before it rubs off on the child you can do this and yes be happier because people can be self independent no women should be a slave to their partner and he should consider your feelings if not find some one who values you for you oh yes make him pay child support but let the child see that no man should have total control
You knew what he was when you married him, he’s not going to change not now not ever, at least not till his mom is dead and maybe not even then.
He’s been programmed to think like this, your best bet is to file for divorce and walk away citing mental abuse and make him pay!
Nope, no , no way, no how! My 1st husband pulled this crap! I realized when I remarried (30 year’s now) marriage is an equal partnership 50/50! If you had a gambling or shopping addiction that would be different but other wise I call “control freak!”
Sorry, but that’s not love. Love is giving and sharing from both. Does not include mama or daddy. You are married to your husband’s mom as well. You need an understanding with husband .
Get out. Now, and value yourself. You deserve respect from him and his mother!
Simply control!! Time to insist, get your own job…let him pay the babysitter or daycare. Open your own account and keep all your money to yourself. Abuse is not acceptable so…I would be packing my bags. Go stay with whatever relative will help you out, till you get on your feet.
Even children have thier own debit cards nowadays dear,you husband is not being fair,you should not be on lockdown:innocent:
Run as fast as u can nothing will ever change he will always be a momas boy run u can’t win this only get worse
That is a legal form of abuse. Not telling you what to do, but something is wrong there
Please get out. Your kids will do with out too. If he doesn’t want to let you have any say. I know people who lives like this the husband want even buy the wife medication.
He and his mom are controlling you. She needs tu butt out amd he needs to be a husband. Try to get counseling if he refuses. Then pack your bags.
I would consult with a forensic accountant and a good lawyer.
Then I would divorce and get sole custody of the kiddos.
Contact your local center for abused women … it’s time for thiis “Monster-in-Law” to find herself a new victim.
First problem, control freak and mama’s boy. The fact that you live with his mom is major problem. You need to get a job and have your own money. Sad to say you are going to have a hard time, depends on how much you can take. I hope your family lives near, you need support.
Blink twice if you need help, because it sounds like you are being held hostage
He can never pick his mother over you!
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So how would that work with children and no job? Sounds like it may be rough getting custody
If you married him knowing how he is then did you think you could change him??? Never gonna happen… GET out now, it only gets worse
I think you should talk to him one more time if nothing changes leave. It does sound like an Control Issue
Get your own job and save all your own money to get your own car ,You will be so much more happier if you do this…
All this & you are still living with him! You have as bad a problem as your spouse!
How long does it take to pack a bag while he Is gone to work?
There are places to go to In every city where you can get help!
He should marry his mom and you should run as fast as you can away from such a cold hearted person. Mom n son deserve each other.
If possible, could you get a job? Maybe even child care, so you could have an income of your own!? His Mom needs to butt out.
Run thats a big red flag. Controlling could eventually lead to other types of abuse. If you don’t have trust you have nothing.
As a man I can tell you your husband is a lost cause. If he is treating you this way it is because he doesn’t truly love you. He is keeping you from growing as an individual and it may get worse
Do you have help the real problem is the car even if you get a job do you have someone to help you get on your feet then GETOUT. If he loves you he will come after you and change things
As for the allowance take it save as much of it you can so you can get something you want without having to ask for it
You didn’t discuss this before marriage? I had your same situation. Unacceptable. Why are u in a marriage where u r not equal. I feel for u. I went thru the same thing.
U r your own person and no one controls u. If u have lost that control then that answers your question. Get out cause u deserve better
For sure it could get worse. Get out of there. Before you have kids. Please. Your future looks bleak
Run away and dont look back. Bad news, probably never change only get worse.
Things will improve when she is no longer with you !
Get a job and then leave. If he hasn’t changed in five years, he probably will not
How old are the kids? Any chance of you being able to get a part time of your own? That’s abusive behavior and he needs to be set straight.
Get out as quickly as you can! I put up with it for 5 yrs and it just kept getting worse.
He’s a control freak RUN! It will only get worse.
Honey run like hell and don’t look back. You should have saw that red flag before you ever married him. It’s called controlling your every move.
should have never got married divorce costs too much!
You can leave. This is not a mamma’s boy, this man is controlling. If he doesn’t trust you, why are y’all together?
Pa and leave. Don’t look back. If you look back even once, it will be worse than it is now. You are property. Leave before he starts breaking his property.
He is a jerk and a mama’s boy - and sounds like she’s a real piece of work! Find a job, leave and make a new life for yourself. You didn’t say if you have kids.
Hes trying to control you just like his mom does him sorry but that’s not good
Go on line and get local rates for daycare, maid services, personal shoppers and drivers. Draw up a bill divide it in half give 1 half to MIL and half to hubby. Tell them if they don’t want to pay you for your services then you will get a job so you have your own money
Why did you marry him? Seriously - if standard marriage vows were used, he clearly ignores them! Has he also (or yet) told you that you are too weak to leave him? If you do not have a child, make sure you do not! I’d say get out while you can!!!
You need to stand up for yourself and become a very independent woman
Leave…with the kids…there’s all types of abuse and isolating you and making you dependent on him is one way!!!
I don’t have a joint account because my fiancé and I personally don’t want one, but we also give each other our cards if one of us is low in cash or something.
There is no way I am asking for money and if I can’t have access to the bank account,; I am gone. Did you know this before you married him? Have you been to counseling? This is not a marriage.
get a job, get your own account and buy your own car and start saving your money to leave, because it will never change
It sounds like hes from another country…you need to move n get away from mil
Marriage is 50 50 if he don’t like it make a appointment with a lawyer
Leave and leave now. He and his mom are controlling you and isolating you. If he hasn’t already started abusing you, trust, it’s coming. And he knows you’ll have no one to run to or confide in.
A person with such a need to dominate will never be a good spouse! Do not try to “reform” another person. There are now plenty of working moms!
Well. Lots of advice. So here’s mine. LOL. If mom iis making the rules then mom can do the grocery shopping, wash his clothes, and clean the house. Or he can. If you have another room he can sleep on a pallet or the couch. You should of put down some rules when you fit together and then got married. Told my husband he had to choose. Me or his mother. He chose me and we have been together 45 years. It wasn’t easy and mom still was a problem. Marriage is a partnership and he is not your father. Get a job either working from home or using g public transport if he refuses to get you a vehicle. Demand a joint acct and to know what makes so you k ow what type of a budget you should have and to make sure he isnt spending money where he shouldn’t be or hiding it. And if he cant change. If your not important enough to him to try. Then walk. You need a partner In life not a keeper
Leave there’s not another option unless he cuts the umbilical cord from his momma your situation won’t change unless you change it.
Well I would say his ass down and tell him it was either his mom on me let him decide I tell you the truth I wouldn’t have a man like that
It’s a form of control. You need to find some way to bring in your own money…crafts? Babysitting? Keep it in a separate account.