I don’t care what your sexual preference is… if you are living under these conditions get out. That’s control… dictatorship… you are a stronger than you think… no car… no problem. Run from that situation. You are Worthy of a better life.
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You knew he was a mama’s boy, that doesn’t change just cause you got married.
I hate to be negative, but no money, no car, etc. Mama is telling him not to trust you in a lot more ways than just the bank account & that’s BS. He’s got you in his pocket, I’d say get a job & your own bank account, but you have no car…maybe an at home business? Open your own account!
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No man should restrict you from getting better in life… life is better for you when you stand up and fight for yourself… don’t be a woman remotely controlled by a man… you are someone… you are talented…
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If something should happen to him you and your child would suffer, use this fact as a way to get him to see he’s hurting his family. Speak to him with love and respect. Remind him you and your child should be his first concern.
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Get a job and open yr own account. Don’t let him have access to yr money…maybe open his eyes but if he’s a mommas boy and momma spewing out crap u will not have a good marriage till he respects u
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Yup for sure he’s bidding stuff my husband dose Cathay to me but I am way smarter then he is. I can still access his account without looking at it online I got his bank info and set up a in to check his balance on the phone. I know what goes in and out … and he still thinks he’s hiding stuff from me lmao 
jokes on him. Any how that’s not right you need out before you put to much in. Leave now is my advice
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Sounds like my first husband 
it’s a control situation
I would suggest Christian therapy. They would have good steps for you to take to grow as a couple.
Trust the therapist lines the advice up with the Bible and they are able to explain it well. A lot of counselors have put their own spin on Biblical marriages that do not line up with God’s desires for a husband and wife. Pray for wisdom!
My husband now was very immature and went to his Mom and Dad (mostly Mom) when we were first married. It drove me crazy/a lot of standing for my rights.
I did have my own job before we got married and I made more money than him so I didn’t have the financial issues you have(that was my first husband).
The man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife. The two shall become one. (No one including Mom should be in the marriage dynamics).
I pray you two can discuss a mutual agreement in regards to your home and you can enjoy life together.
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Love is blind. However, don’t be dumb. Find a way to earn your own living. This relationship isn’t going to work.
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Start billing him for your hours worked. Child care services, cooking, cleaning, home management and so on. He clearly doesn’t value what you do for your child, home or him! If he doesn’t pay up get a job and let him hire a nanny, maid and cook!
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It’s 2020. No woman should be living in the 18th century. Get out. It’s abusive.
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His mother has issues obviously. When you are raised by parents that have issues or mental health issues it can cause trauma or a distorted view on how the real world works and how you should treat people. He will not change. He is an adult. Im sorry you are in this situation. I understand it. I know its easy to say get a job save money but with one car and a child at home it will be difficult. But it’s also really hard living the life you lead now. If you can ask family or friends to help. Either with transportation to new job or a roof over your head temporarily. You need to think about you and think about what examples you are showing your baby. This is financial and emotional abuse probably verbal as well because you’ve come to believe this is what you deserve. But you don’t. Don’t believe temporary changes either they will always go back to what they want.
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Unfortunately have to agree with the others… you have a marriage that will not work unless he changes that mindset.
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My husband was the same it took me 25 yrs to leave he liquidated all our assets of our business he lives in our home I’m still trying to save the money to fight him for my share and it’s been 4 years later don’t wait as long as me I’m in my 50s with a 7 yr old son 
get out now it only gets worse from here 
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Work. You will find confidence in yourself that way. and then get help and guidance on how to live without him.
If he doesn’t change fir you: with that knowledge you are then strong enough to leave and live without him. And he will know it
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He sounds at the very least controlling and lacking boundaries and at worse he is abusive. I would start asking for joint access to the accounts. If he refuses you know he is unlikely to change. Get a job of your own and save as much from it as you can. Being dependent on someone else can be a dangerous thing. Next time try to find these things out before marrying them. Asking about the other persons views on things including money is important because if you disagree you can decide before it goes further if that’s acceptable to you or not.
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That’s an abusive situation. He’s keeping you isolated and solely dependent on him. That’s not a marriage it’s being held captive. Reach out to your friends and family as well al local resources like a women’s shelter. I pray you do before any violence begins. I wasn’t so smart. I didn’t take the advice. Don’t end up like me.
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I say this is wrong. I havnt worked in almost 10 years and ever since we started living together almost 14 yrs ago it was OUR money. Even when I made more. Also the Bible tells us to leave our parents and cleve to our spouse, together we are one! Not separate lives/money. All this will do is bring a bigger devide in the relationship the long it continues.
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Get a job and get ready to make yourself a life. He has made his choice. It will hurt but you will come out stronger.
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Run, run fast and don’t look back…
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My first husband was like that I didn’t have any money or nothing we had a son n he controlled everything even groocery shopping. I couldn’t do nothing except take care of my son I got fed up got. Job n divorced him yea it was tough but I was alot happier so you need to do the same
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Idk just me but I would have known this before marraige…I would have married this jerk…There is ALWAYS RED FLAGS…I think you ignored them and now your stuck…But there is hope…Get a job get on the bus and save save save that money and get out…And if you dont do something then stop complaining!
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I recommend that you leave. It sure sounds like it might become physically or emotionally abusive if you stay. If not for your sake but for your child’s sake. My dad is still a mommies boy and she hates me with a burning fiery passion. Then she completely loves my other siblings. It will only get worse.
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Yeah your marriage will not work like that. Daycare for the little one. There are programs that help if you need. Get to work. Make your own money and don’t rely on him. Never rely on anyone. That’s never a way to live
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You need to get out and get to supporting yourself and your kids without him. Since you aren’t working you will get spousal and child support. So that’s at least a little to help. You will feel better Once you have your own life and car and job and bank account. I was there once with a super controlling physically and mentally abusive guy and 2 kids ages 3 months and 2. I got a job and a roommate. I applied for all things I could apply for as a single woman. Hence 5 years later and I make enough to support us and even bought a home. You can do it trust me. The love for my kids is what was the driving force.
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My X husband was the same. I quite asking and fixed his(our family) meals with the food I had. After a few days of this. He asked why. I told him no money no food. His attitude changed. At least that changed.
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The signs are there…open your eyes. You should never put yourself in anyone’s control… not even your Husband’s. some times … God will close a door to open something better. Think hard , on how you want your life to be…, God Bless.
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This is called financial abuse. It’s to keep you under his thumb, and his mother’s control. Try to talk it through, maybe even suggest therapy, but document his words and reasoning, look up shelters, and lawyers who work for women from situations like this. Be careful
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If he is that controlling then it is Not a marriage! His controlling will gradually get worse as the years pass. His trust in you isn’t there already. There are better loving men out there who believe a marriage is 50/50. & with trust.
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I would encourage you to go to marriage counseling together. He is not treating you like his wife.
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Sounds to me like the problem is the husband, not the mother-in-law. It doesn’t matter what MIL says, husband is the one choosing to put his mom’s wishes over his wife’s.
My parents have been married almost 50 years and my mom has no idea what their financial situation is, but she does have her own debit card. She checks with my dad before using it because although she can check to see how much money is currently in the account, she has no idea how many pending charges/upcoming bills there will be. I think she should know about their finances because if something happened to my dad she would have no idea what bills they have, but it’s not really my business either so if she is OK with being in the dark, that’s between them.
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Just leave him already! No, things will not get better. Get a job! No one should have to live like that, no one.
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Man he is controlling you. My husband did this to me when I was a stay at home mom to now that my kids are out of the house and i make my own money we have separate bank accounts and he has Bill’s to pay and i do and we get what is left and he now has no access to my account but I do his . I do the saving in the family he does not so I have more money
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Run the other way run like the breeze as fast as you can and don’t look back
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This is a form of abuse. Run it will only get worse!
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Your a stay at home mom ? Well the question you need to ask him is if he wants to lose his family. Set your foot down and let him know he can be a husband and father or he can be alone. I would most definitely start looking for a way out .
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My husband and i have 2 separate checking accounts he manages his money i manage mine that works best for us. I say get your own job be independent even if your working for daycare and only have a little extra left over it feels good to work for your own money.
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He’s controlling you. You can get advice but your going to have to decide if you want to stay and be controlled. Good luck
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Shut it down, cooking, cleaning, wifely duties, take your child, children, go to, family, friends whoever has room for you and leave. Your MIL will always be in charge eventually the control will turn into physical abuse.
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Give the “allowance” to the babysitter. You go and get a job! Any job. Even if your pay equals the babysitter pay because that will be YOUR money. Divorce? Not yet! You didn’t mark your limits before… do it now and see how everything is going. Sorry to tell you but if you are depending of his money now after divorce you will keep depending of his money. Jerk now … jerk later. So try to teach him now while you too learn in the process. Good luck.
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Talk to him tell him what your feeling. Obviously you know it is all wrong. Seek marriage counseling. If nothing changes at least in your heart you tried to keep your family together. If he doesn’t change them he doesn’t know what family & Love is!
When I was a sahm my husband held onto the money but asked me everyday if I needed anything or any money. We had our own vehicles so I wasn’t stuck at home and go do whatever I wanted. your husband sounds controlling and you need to step up or get out.
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It will NEVER work! A mother-in-law like that will never give up control! You need to lay down the law now or leave. She wants to be the only woman in his life, and he’s not grown up enough to put a stop to it. Speaking from experience!
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He needed to cleave to you, his wife and get away from his mother. You and he are a family unit. She is his extended family. Its a shame that you two are in this position. Keep your home clean & organized, do what you do to continue to make your home a refection of the two of you. Pray for him and yourself. People don’t change people. Jesus changes lives. Sometimes He’ll change you in the process and your husband will witness this and may see what he is doing wrong. I don’t know how you were raised but you can do this! Make your “to do lists” and try to estimate what you’ll need, invite him to go shopping with you, this may help. Now, if you’re a spender…you might have some trouble. Hope I’m not overstepping, my girlfriends call me "mama Jules, lol.
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Nope, Nope, Nope… A) these are your boundaries/rules 
mom is out, B)if he can’t figure out sahm and ours is ours, leave so he can learn the perspective,(it’s twice as much to maintain 2 households)That’s a man that doesn’t see your worth. and won’t with his mom in his ear.My husbands mom does the same…on ‘our’ bank acct etc, so I have my own cuz, ummm, no, we’re grown, and NO. So, we have a joint acct and I have my acct, and i pay all the bills from both.
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You may have to fight to get what you want … My husband of 42 years was like that … I began to fight back but we are equal now … I made him start giving me an allowance (a good one) and it was for me not the house … It was not easy and it took some time but if you believe he is worth it and that he can change than it’s worth the try … If not call an attorney and he’ll realize it would have been cheaper to keep her … Good Luck
I think I may have written this twice but I’ll say it again. Go to Credit Company investigate his financial situation the find money wherever it is unless it’s buried in the backyard at that point leave if you really think that that’s love I certainly can’t talk because I’m in a shity relationship
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Why would you want to stay? Your relationship will eventually end . Don’t prolong the relationship it will only get worse. You might love him but he doesn’t love you!!!
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Get out don’t waste your time he will never change till Mama goes bye bye.I was going to be in a situation like that .When Mama choose my engagement ring that time I said bye bye .
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That is a form of controlling abuse. My advice get a job and get out, domestic abuse always escalates.
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I’m so sorry that you are so unappreciated and that you’re being treated like a teenager with an “allowance” instead of an equal partner. This is wrong. It is manipulative, controlling, and completely unfair. I would seek professional counseling so that an unbiased third party can make him aware.
my ex husband was the same… it was a very controlling destructive relationship where everything was his. I finally saw it for the abuse it was and left. you need to be ready for the potential fallout and destruction of staying and the finding the strength to leave if you need to. do not let them destroy your self worth
I’m just curious…did you not know this if you dated for 4 years? You have to get some independence! Sounds like he just wants a maid or more like a slave! This happened to me, but I went to work & started making my own money so I would no longer be trapped. Bad news, the marriage ended - good news, I was able to support myself!
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It’s a control thing I work two jobs at one point with my ex husband everything was fine until I stop getting checks deposited in the account .I got tired of him being in trouble so I stopped it got my own account we didn’t last long after that.i got smart.
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Nope, you need your own bank acct and car. Even if you get a part time gig. MIL needs to mind her business, I’ve always had my own car and acct or at the very least equal access period, bye if you are on the acct go to the bank and request a card
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Hes controlling. If it were me I’d be long gone. Im a SAHM going on 3yrs now. When we got married 8yrs ago we got joint savings and checking accts, I have my own debit card and so does he. I dont have to ask him for anything, especially groceries. This is something you discuss before marriage and kids… get a job if you want your own money but honestly, you should have access to the money he makes
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Ask him if he married YOU or his MOTHER . And tell him that you don’t appreciate being treated like a child . Explain your feelings and how his mother is intruding in your relationship .
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Why is the mom involved? Sound like you may have known thus was coming. Get a job make your own money and always be able to take care of yourself.
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I lived this exact same thing only it was him that didn’t want me to have access to ‘his’ money not his mom. I got sick of it after 10 years so I went back to work full time. I now make money more than he does. Now he can keep his money and pay all the bills and I keep my money and pay two little pissy bills a month just to say I contribute my my my how the tables have turned.
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I was married to someone like that while home with two kids close together. When the youngest one went to preschool, I got a job. I’m not married to him anymore either!
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If he doesn’t trust you to maintain the household and care of the children then you need to get out. He has too much control and could put you or the kids in a tough situation. Either leave or get a part time job to make your own money.
Dont leave… Do the following, find a daycare, get a job, set up your own bank account, buy your own car and the tell him he has no access to your money and tell his mother to mind her own damn business… Your not living in the dark ages where a woman depends on a man for everything, grow a set and become a take charge woman… THEN DUMP HIS SORRY ASS AND HIS MOTHER ALONG WITH HIM…
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I put up with him and his family for years. We built a house that I didn’t like because too many steps. Him and his parents said we should have that kind of house. I wanted a ranch. We only had one car and 3 kids. Stuck at home. Finally when oldest son was 16 I got a job and things changed. I kept my money mostly and bought a beat up car for work. I was turning Indepented. He didn’t like it. Hated when I went to club with girls. Didn’t talk for days. I stayed but my advise get out. We didn’t do anything without his parents saying it was good
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It seems to me you have more than one issue going on here, the mother in law is a bigger problem than the bank account, but you say you knew him for five years an you should have known she would be involved in your marriage, in ways you don’t like now, You are not a child an that’s what you give a ‘‘allowance’’ too, You say you are a ‘‘SAHM’’ an am guessing that you have a child or children! an you been married for one year!!, just where are you an your husband living, are you living with his mother or is she living with you in your home?, a marriage is about ‘‘TWO’’ people an everybody else giving their advise, remember your place, you are the ‘‘WIFE’’ an that’s the other side of the marriage!!, Your Husband can lose that by not understanding your roll in his life, you an your husband need to be able to talk to each other about any problems you both are facing, if you aren’t able to do that, then you need to be talking to a lawyer. good luck.
It’s a way to control you and that isnt good. To me it screams that hes hiding things from you. I would pack my bags and leave because it will only get worse with his controlling you.
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Explain to hubby that your services as nanny and home maker are required payment in advance. If this is unacceptable to him serve him a two week notice of termination of employment. Then enroll your child in a top notch preschool or hire in home care, and go get a job and get your own bank account. I’d even go as far as demanding he provide transportation for me as well. He is free to discuss this with mil if he chooses, that’s up to him, but it’s time for you to become self reliant, and demand the respect you deserve from your husband. He will either pay you accordingly, or he won’t but either way you end up with money in your pocket, a break from home maker, and prove a much needed point. Draw the line in the sand now because forever is a long time.
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I honestly don’t know why anyone would put themselves in a position like this to begin with.
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Leave. Leave leave leave. I spent 8 years in this exact situation and he was also extremely toxic and emotionally abusive as well as neglectful of the kids. You cannot change them. You cannot fix them. You cannot convince him of anything. Leave, girl
You need to go and get a job take a bus to work sounds like he is obeying his mom you need to leave yes he is
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I would make a plan to get out because the problem is the Husband not the Mommy!!
But to get some 
cash go to market place and put some of his stuff on sale there and any other stuff you don’t care about that he or you won’t miss! Sell it get some cash and leave him!!
I live and have always lived by this rule!
What’s his is yours
What’s Yours is Yours
Therefore It’s all Yours!
Especially if you are being cheated out of what should be YOURS!
I verbally told My Husband this the day He asked Me to Marry Him!!
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So contact Equifax or another company like that to investigate his financial situation. At that point you know you can put them out the door and take half if you’re allowed
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Get out now it is a control which is a bad thing I know I just got out of this kind of thing and I feel much better
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I didn’t have access to my joint account either. I went to the bank on my lunch hour and told them I was starting a divorce and they gave me my own log in to the account. I asked them if he would know and they said no.
Hmm…did he ever stop to think that if you were truly just after his money that you could easily get it with alimony and child support?
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My husband is smart! He makes money and deposits it… I take care of the bills and manage the house. Now because of the Covid virus… I make list and he buy the groceries. I am one of the vulnerable people… I do the cooking…which I love to do !!! I use to work as a massage therapist… cannot now, because of the virus. We have a great marriage…together almost 30 years.
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Don’t worry about anything. Pray about everything. That includes your husband. It’s easy for outsiders to say what you should do, but your situation is difficult. It also involves your child. Are you isolated from friends/family. Who do you trust? Can you research women’s shelters. Domestic abuse shelters that have room for a woman and child. You have to be willing to walk away from everything for your peace of mind, safety, and health.
This sounds like jail!!! I’m so sorry, I pray you don’t have children together. If you don’t leave right this second like run out the door.
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Honestly, this should have been discussed before Marriage, but Get Help and Get you a Job!!! You should be earning wages putting in on your Social Security or Saving towards your old age/Retirement…Be Self Sufficient! 
We have separate bank accounts. Mine his & ours. It’s called respect. Get a job that makes you feel worthy of earning your own income & have the MIL watch the kids while you enjoy a little bit of the outside world. Simple life isn’t simple.
Leave him sweetheart he’ll always choose his mother over you and do it before you have kids , get your stuff and leave
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Get a job and don’t give him a penny and take all of his you can get your has on and when you have a little nest eye take him to the cleaners but be sure and hide all of your money.
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This is abusive behavior. Tell him as his wife you are entitled to half if his income as well as half of the bills. If he does not want you to share his bank account ask him to open a separate account for you and direct deposit half his check in your account. You will then be responsible for paying half of the bills. Sit down with him and work out how you will divide things up.
If he will not agree to this you MUST get a job and go to work. Most jobs are advertised on the internet. Most interviews are done virtually. Like it ir not you need to stand up for yourself and your child. You are teaching your child to let others abuse them by allowing your husband to abuse you.
Then get a job so you don’t have to depend on him. If he doesn’t leave enough money on the table then don’t worry. When he has no food or cleans clothes,etc maybe his controlling ass will change!
Get yourself a job, so you R not totally dependent on this control freak. Maybe then, you can get up enough courage to stand on your own two feet.
First of all… He should choose you over everyone else.
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Before I had my children I worked and all money was our money. When the kids came and I “stopped working” (hahaha) the money suddenly became HIS, and I was given an allowance (!!!) of $20.00/week. Couldn’t go grocery shopping because I would “over spend”.
That craziness combined with other impossible situations led to a divorce. The best thing I could have done. I am SURE that nothing would have changed.
You married him not his mom, he needs to think for himself…no matter who brings in the money its equal once u got married… he should give u his card better yet put u on his account as joint… u take care of the home ,the kids if u have them, what more does he want … he seems he wants to control everything and to behonest that’s not a life to live u need to be able to buy things without him or him mom interfer…if he feels like that get a job if u can and save the money and not give him a damm thing see how he likes it…be careful and good luck
Get out and move on. His mother needs to know her place and it is NOT in your marriage. He needs to man up and make you priority. If he is u willing to put you first. Cut your losses and move on.
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Sorry, but if you have some place to move to, I would leave him. He is belittling you and it’s just going to get worse.
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Send him back to mama put your foot down not worth being a slave he’s treating you like a child it will get worse before it gets better
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Run and run fast. My ex husband was the same way. It’s not worth it, trust me. I had my own car and still him and his mother controlled everything I did. I couldn’t even pay bills for the house without his mommy’s permission. His checks went into an account that mommy controlled. Leave him and don’t look back. You don’t want the mental damage that’s bound to happen, trust me, I’m still dealing with it and he’s been gone for 4 yrs now. I am now dealing with serious mental issues from the hell that I went thru with him.
When you marry you are United as one! LEAVE!
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I would start posting online asking for donations for groceries and other necessities. Nothing affects a man more than his ego
You are being held hostage and controlled if you let this continue you really won’t have anything. You know where the front door is go out and don’t look back
Girl I tell you to get out now didn’t you see this while you were going together I no the situation and you deserve better you will be just fine fight for you and your child it’s not worth staying for it to get worse
Run honey, and fast. He’s a control freak and it can only get worse. And with momma backing him up you don’t stand a chance.
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So you are less than him ?? No your not !!! Please you two need help dont settle with this type of marriage you need to run and fast a year of your life is ruined can you imagine this as always till death do you part ?? And your kids growing up like this is ok pack and go !!! Real partners are not like this mommas boy
Marriage is a partnership. You share everything equally. Even If you aren’t bringing in money, you are cooking, cleaning, taking care of his child. That should entitle you to your share. If mom is telling him what and what not to do , isn’t she the one wearing the pants in your family? Is this a marriage or are you just his cleaning lady , with benefits? I’d get out!
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I think your husband needs to meet your cast iron skillet on a personal level. I know if he were my husband he would have already…lol
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This is consider domestic abuse (economic deprivation). I would suggest calling the Domestic Violence hotline and seek a way out.
Move out things won’t change believe me I’ve been there and when I got a job he took my weekly allowance off me bloody miser he was always had money for his model planes tho