My Husband Won't Give Me Access to His Bank Account Because His Mom Tells Him Not To: Advice?

You need to tell him to man up and get rid of his mother so she’s not a part of your relationship! Then you need to tell him to take care of his wife like a real man and give up his bank card!

Get the hell out now.

1 Like

Get a job so you can have some money.

1 Like

Run that is a controlling relationship

Pack up and go,he will not change

Run forest run! Get out!

I would pack my bags or send him back to mama

Why are you even asking I would divorce that shithole and he can go home to mama. You need to grow up find a job and stand on your own two feet. There is no way I would put up with that crap.

Leave get a job go to a women shelter

Get a new life you didnt marry his momma

Leave there are better men out there…

leave now there r better men out there

He’s a tight ass and doesn’t trust you… His mommy is jealous of your marriage

Leave. Fair is fair.

Don’t leave , RUN !!

Leave! It does not get better.

Big red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: going up

You will be a beggar if you stay

Ask him if he would prefer to live with his Mommy.

Had the same problem

Get a job and leave if you have to

It will only get worse. Get out fast

LEAVE! Control freak.

Tell him to marry his mommie.

Tell him to pop his mamas titty out of his mouth.

WHY the HELL Did you marry such a FING Woman Controller??? LEAVE LEAVE NOW!!!

Ditch him. You get half of all he has. Unless under mommas name

Leave before you have kids

Look up a narcassist!!

Find a job pra may sarili kang pera. Huwag lage umasa sa asawa.

That is called financial abuse get a job and get out as soon as you can. How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

1 Like

Sounds like you should leave.At least once divorced he will have to pay alimony and child support.Finally youll have his money.

1 Like

It’s not a bad thing for a man to be a momma boy…their are men out there that are like that, but they still respect their relationship enough to have boundaries. My hubs is, he was raised by women. It shows alot of times, but he is the bread winner and as long as he has what he needs everyday he gets up for work, his clothes/house are clean, hot meals an the bills are getting paid…he works and I manage the income. Our money is our money. The momma boy your dealing with sounds like more of nothing but manipulation, he has grown up with mom manipulating him so that’s what he knows an in that case when the momma doesn’t like the gf/wife she’s able to control the relationship by manipulating him… so coming from mom to him it’s right. Real men love their mom an take care of an care about their mom, while having their own life. If you can’t talk to him and him see how your relationship is working is not right, it will never work. MEN know stay at home is a job in it’s self, and a mother who’s taught her son respect would be telling him what he’s doing is wrong if it was just a “him” problem, but his mom is clearly a manipulater who’s taught her son…and that’s a deadly relationship. He will never have a relationship work. That’s something you will have to learn to accept an decide for yourself an child if it’s worth being in an dealing with. A mom who respects her son doesn’t put him in that type of situation in relationships. A real man wouldn’t allow it to happen. Some momma’s boys make better friends then they do husband’s. And it’s typically those whos mom is more toxic then supportive/respectful.

I say go find a job then. Once you earn your money, you can do what you want, buy you want. Your MIL can f***off

TOXIC. Get away.

Get a job and get out.

Hes treating you like a child .

Apparently your parents never taught you that in order to share a life (marriage) you have to have a life (independent, able to support yourself).
You should be together because you love each other, not because he will support you financially.

3 Likes

If all the bills are automatically paid out of his account then you don’t need access to his account. Get a job and open your own account and then you can share the responsibility of paying the bills and you both will have money to spend.
Marriage is a shared life. Your husband works to support the family and in turn you stay home to manage the house. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s the life you chose.

3 Likes
  1. Call a friend to come over and help you pack the essentials.
  2. You and your child should stay with a friend/relative.
  3. Seek financial help from friends/relatives to help retain an attorney.
  4. File for divorce as soon as possible.
  5. After the divorce, recharge your soul and relax for a little bit.
  6. When your comfortable, and if you desire it, look for a friend that will become more.
  7. Make sure that friend walks besides you and not in front or behind you.

Get out of the Marriage ASAP. He’s Controlling you. It’s gonna get Worse.Trust Me. I’m just Now Leaving a 35 yr. marriage same circumstances plus physical and mental abuse. I’m fighting for money just to pay for my daily meds. I had to take my husband to court to get my Stimulous money. Just got it Sept.10th because the court ordered him too. Couldn’t draw from our account because the account was in his name only as well. If you have family Get Out.:cry:.If you have a daughter is this what you want her to think life’s supposed to be like? A man controlling her. The mother-in-law will be a constant influence until she takes her last breath. What kind of grandmother wants her grandchildren to see their mother be treated like that? The longer you wait the harder it’ll be to get away. :cry::cry: Good Luck

I wouldn’t leave just yet… I would put my foot down and tell him that you’re in an equal partnership and expect to be treated that way… you need to be on the bank account and have equal access, if he doesn’t trust you with the finances then you have no business being in a relationship together… either it works out or it doesn’t and you walk

You asked what else you can do instead of leave, and my advice is to seek counseling. If you have a pastor, or mentor. Or if his company offers an EAP program where you can call in for free counseling. Definitely continue talking to people and don’t allow yourself to be isolated. It sounds as if you’ve already spoken to him a great deal. She may be coming from a place of fear (perhaps her spouse left her high and dry financially or she came from a poor family and controlling money makes her feel safe? Just a thought).

No. 1 - Is your husband Asian? No. 2 - get a job and open your own ckecking/savings acts. No. 3 - SAVE your salary, don’t spend it, your marriage doesn’t sound promising at all, you need money saved in the bank. No. 4 - DON’T also give him access to your accts. Sign-up for online statements so they will not mail your bank statements and your husband might intercept it in the mail. No. 5, when you have enough saved, think deeply and hard - do you really love a man like that??? Think about it. Give him back to his Mom! Best wishes and prayers. Take care.

1 Like

If he doesn’t trust you then why th did he marry u…Plus next time y’all have a problem tell him it’s between y’all 2 not yall 3…U married him not his mom and ur not gonna take being ganged up on any more nor will u take having to ask for permission for any little thing…He can open a joint account and put $ for the house in it for u to spend…But every marriage should have 3 account yours, his and yalls…Yours is your $ to do what u wish with it, y’all sis $ for the house and his is money for him to spend how he wishes…My aunt & uncle had 2 tho his and he put enough money in the other to cover bills for the house and little extra for my aunt to spend and they have been happily married for my entire life and I’m 38!

Have you given your husband ANY reason NOT to trust you with the family finances? Ran the bank account in the red without paying any bills? If not, then guess what? You are in a toxic marriage. I don’t know how many children you have, but this isn’t any type of environment to raise them in. You need help. Your family needs help. Marriages like this rarely succeed, and if they do it is usually at the emotional expense of the stay at home parent and kids. Your husband and mother in law have huge trust issues. If you want to salvage your marriage, then both you and your husband should check with counseling. There are serious trust, control and possible abuse issues that need to be addressed. If he refuses, RUN! Take the kids and GET OUT! There are resources out there to help you.

Mother in law out or leave…

1 Like

Open your own account . Find a way to earn money online or some other way ? Not sure . But I sure could not stay woth him if he didn’t sort this out and stop listening to his mum over his wife . It is also a form of abuse to control you by way of finances . You must find an independent way of earning money whether or not you stay with him though

Big red flags going up. You two are married. Its no longer what’s his is his and what’s mine is mine. For one he is trying to have control, number 2 he acts like he don’t trust you. This is not what a marriage is suppose to look like. Its one thing that he don’t hand over his debit card, he don’t even give you cash to get some things you need? This is a very bad situation and I would put my foot down. I’ve been a sahm mom for a while raising our three boys. He goes to work, but we have a shared account and we both have debit cards. I take care of almost everything including overseeing our finances. He will ask me on a regular basis what he is allowed to spend. This is trust, mutual respect, and a partnership. He knows and trusts that I am going to do right by him. Even more concerning is when there are children involved. Does he not give you anything for their needs? I don’t know your exact situation, but i have to wonder if he was always like this or what the reasoning. Did you talk about this before marriage? Does he have a problem with you being at home? Your a married couple, his mother has no business making decisions for your household unless you live with her.

Open your own account save up a d divorce it
He a controlling narcissistic thing u dont need it u can find a better person than this thing

ur man doesn’t let u have access to his bank account because he has another woman on the side or spends his money at the strip club …u have one car and u have to ask him for grocery money? This isn’t 1980 something ur sitting woman back 40 years …Don’t ever let a man control u like that …KNOW UR WORTH don’t accept anything less from any man …if he doesn’t treat u like a QUEEN believe me some other man will :rage:

Take him to the daycare, have him sign the paperwork and then start looking for a job.
Once you start making your own money, you can start contributing to the household expenses or save your money for your way out of this marriage.

Leave if he don’t trust u. What if there’s an emergency with the kids? Or tell him to pay for daycare so u can work part time to buy ur own car. Daycare is expensive he prolly won’t wanna pay it. That’s messed up.

Join my scentsy group! Emily’s essence of life. Be my consultant and I will guide you through it all. We are in this journey together as sahms. My husband is the same way. I would love to help expand your $. You could start off by hosting an online party for me and earn $ that way then it will pay for your consultant starter kit. Our group is bomb and we are earning awesome this month already doing extremely well.

Get a job, get your own money and when you have some money saved gather the kid and leave because he will control you and leave you penniless and he is probably a cheater.

Sounds like he is trying to control you. It’s your money as a couple. I can tell you your marriage will not last because he’s a mama’s boy and a jackass.

Leave and don’t look back !

1 Like

Kill his mother and then slowly feed him her til all evidence is gone

1 Like

He doesnt love u he is just using u up

A man suppers his wife not his mom.

Give him a choice or let him have his mommie to bunk with.

Sounds like you married a bitch and her mom

Get a job save your money & leave him He will never change

Get a job and leave his sorry ass

Start working my friend

That’s financial abuse

Listen to Gayle Kuryz

Nothing, just leave!!

Leave the ass and his bitch mom

Time to walk away… If he is a mommy’s boy… then let his mother take care of his ass… As far as your mother in law goes tell that bitch to kiss your ass and stay out of your relationship and do it in front of him… do not let her control your relationship

Fuck him ?!?!You have a job taking care of his sorry ass .?! I had one of those?!?! Like I Said I Had One Of Those Sorry Assad’s. If he love you , You wouldn’t Have To Ask .You let him take. Your POWER

I agree with Sarah Phillips

Divorce him and take half his shit :joy:

Kick his ass to the curb

Start billing him for the housework,

Dump him and his mommy

Leave his ass or get a job

Get yourself a job and a life!

Men want YOU to believe… you can’t live without me :cry::cry::cry:
BULLSHIT

Sorry , Sweetie but if he is letting his mother control your life and have a say so in what he gives you gives you for groceries and want let you have the debit card or check book or the car . This crazy bitch is to controlling and he doesn’t love you at all

Get a job and leave.

1 Like

Put him in the burning bed

3 Likes

Time to get rid of him

I would get a job and put all your earned income into your own account that he has no access to.

I’m sorry & no offense. But is ur husband sleeping with his mom? I told my husband the same when we got together. And 11 yrs later & we’re still together going on our 3rd baby. I told him that if he wanted to continue sleeping with me, then he had to change & stop being a mamas boy & he did. We’ve never been more happier. Like they saying goes, happy wife happy life :smirk:

1 Like

Is your allowance enough to care for your children? If so, then you don’t really have a problem. If not, then file charges against him for child neglect. Or, you could get a job working an opposite shift, so that he has to take care of the children while you are at work, and you will have your own money.

3 Likes

If he has been this way since the beginning he is never going to change.
He doesn’t trust you. If there is not 100% trust in your partner you should leave while you can. You only have one child and one year in. You are going to be miserable for the rest of your life. Good luck

2 Likes

Educate yourself, get a career and leave.

6 Likes

100 % control issue…leave

1 Like

I’m with a mama boy. It’s hard. You are lucky to be a stay at home mom. All mom out laws are hard to deal with. Go get yourself a credit card. Since you are married he will have to pay the bill or his credit and your credit will go bad. Don’t break a family up over money. So many ways to enjoy getting on mama’s nerves. Your man works and that’s hard to find. Look at the positives.

Walk away thats not a marraige

1 Like

This is not okay. You’re his wife. You should have the card and the bank account.

He clearly views you as subhuman to him so if you aren’t going to leave become okay with that. Then either live a miserable life just cleaning up after everyone else and doing nothing else or live a slightly less miserable life and get a job and split everything like you are roommates. If you go to the store, only get stuff for you and your kids.

My MIL was like that
Well tried to be. My husband put her in her place. And if yours cant do the same he.dont deserve you. My MIL has hated me since day 1 because “I stole her baby” but really she was mad he had a family of his own. She calls me every name in the book tries to tell my hubby I’m a cheater and all this other shit. My husband knows better tho. He knows I’m a SAHM to 2 boys i have no time even if i wanted to do anything :joy: but like I said HE needs to be the one to put her in her place and if he cant then she will always be in control of you and your little family. I’d leave if this has gone to far.

Oh fuck this. Please just leave. This is abuse. Message me OP if you need help. Red flags everywhere. Please know your worth. :heart::heart::heart:

While this could be financial abuse, it may also not be. I’m sorry I’m not a man-hater whose going to jump straight to that.

The first thing, a lot of families only have one vehicle. My family only has one. Maybe we could save up to buy another second hand out right …but…then wed still need to be able to afford gas, insurance, and maintence on it. And that pushes it a little out of our price range at the moment. He usually has the it. Occasionally if I need it (kids appointments ect) then I have to take him to work and then pick him up. It costs quite a bit more to do that though so we do not do it all the time.

As far as the bank account goes; this is a little more difficult.
*My husband gets paid on a prepaid debit card. I pull all but 30-50 dollars off it and keep the cash with me. Not to be “controlling” but because I do most of the bill planning and he as much as I love him will spend $5 here or there or let me spend it but not remember to keep me up on how much money is on the card so I know what we can or cannot spend. And we often go over our budget.
*I see a lot of…jokes…on facebook from moms about blowing money at target and amazon and hiding it from thier husbands. And I think this kind of creates a bit of a toxic thinking process and suspicions for couples.

Sit down and talk with him. First, be ready to listen and hear him on why he chooses to listen to his mom.
This sounds counter-productive, I know, but if you can alleviate whatever apprehensions exist then that will be better than just simply fighting with him.
Tell him how you’re feeling. Not just that you’re angry (its valid but not always helpful) but that you’re hurt at being treated like a child.
Try to find some solution that works for you both.

An “allowance” isnt so bad my husbands and I both have allowances. After the Bill’s are paid, groceries bought, household essentials are bought (or money for these is put aside) I take and split what’s left in half. Half is mine and half is his. When it’s gone it’s gone. Until next payday.
Discuss making grocery shopping trips together, or letting you run to the store when he gets home.

If he refuses to do any of this. Then you need to put your foot down. Absolutely explain that refusing to allow you access to money to buy essentials for the children or yourself without him doing it for you is abuse in a form and it’s not ok.
If he keeps it up you will get a job and he will be responsible for finding childcare. And your money will be your money (find a job with a friend or working from home). And if that doesnt work or isnt an option you’ll leave.

3 Likes

Don’t walk away , Run

I’m a stay at home mom as well and my husband gives me his credit card to spend however I think I need to. He also transfers me money to my own debit card whenever I ask and say I need something or our son needs something, etc. I’d leave any man who puts his mother before his wife to be honest… shows he doesn’t respect you very much. Also, why is his mother still involved in your finances?! That’s also weird. Grown ass man with a family still living life according to mommy’s rules… :roll_eyes: yuck lol

Agree with these ladies, leave

That is not a marriage. This is not normal and is financial abuse. Whether or not he’s listening to his mother is besides the point because its controlling behavior. My advice is you’re going to have to pick up and leave. Women shelters can help you get everything together resource wise. Even my husband let me have his debit card when we weren’t married. He just told me not to spend over a certain amount and I stayed in budget. Now we are married and he put me on his account and I can go on our account any time. His credit cards are in his name but I have access to everything online to those accounts too.