I know you didn’t want this answer but leave. I’ve never heard of a father refusing to give a card for a sahm to shop. 
Something’s up and there’s a reason why he won’t give it to you. Also, if he’s listening to his mother over you, you guys don’t truly have a relationship/marriage.
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Leave get a job. Learn to support yourself first
Leave the schmuk!! As fast as you can and tell his mother you hope she is happy now. If you have kids keep them away from the mother
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Personally i wouldn’t want access to my mans account cause thats his money. I get your a SAHM, nothing wrong with that. But there are ways you can earn an extra income from home without having to leave the house. And save up for a vehicle so you don’t have to always rely on him. Ove always been taught to never fully depend on any man. I make my own money, I pay my bills and no one has access to my account
Throw the whole man away 
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This is financial abuse as far as I’m concerned. Consult an attorney and understand your rights in your state
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Stop being controlled. You are weak! Take control of your own life and if he does not like it then he can leave.
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He sounds like a controlling dick. You deserve better…move on girl
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definitely financial abuse. My soon to be ex husband did this to me and his mother had access to his account but not me. Every time we argued I had to deal with his whole family. Our 2 yr anniversary is October 4th and we will be getting divorced. It’s not worth the heartache and pain
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Do your circumstances allow you to get yourself a job? Will give you more independence. Sounds like hes slowly taken control of you with only having one car etc
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That’s a form of abuse you need to leave because if he loved you he wouldn’t control you and would make sure you had money
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You can either put up with it the rest or your life (because ultimately its up to him to change) or become independent. I’m assuming since you were with him 4 yrs prior to being married, you already knew the situation. I’m thinking you thought marriage would change him…big mistake. What ya see you get.
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Keep on doing you. Clean up after yourself and the kids (if there are any). But DO NOT do his laundry or pick up anything of his.
When he asks what the deal is just say, “oh my mom told me that if you can’t trust me and treat me like your WIFE then I definitely shouldn’t be cleaning up after you.”
Give him a taste of his own medicine. If that doesn’t help open his eyes then leave him girl. You deserve better.
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Why don’t you & hubs sit down together and work out a budget? That way each of you knows how much is coming in, where it’s going, and where changes need to be made. Set goals together, like saving for a second car, or the occasional rental car or car-sharing service if that’s an option.
Why are he & his mom fearful about finances? Why does he think his mom is smarter than you? That way you can see what’s behind his & his mom’s behavior, reach your conclusions, and act accordingly.
Does mama live close by? Ask her to drive you places & go shopping with you. Either she has good money management skills you can learn from, she will see what a good budgeter you are, will figure out you need a bigger “allowance,” or whatever. Ask HER why she thinks the way she does & (tactfully) why she thinks the apron strings are still tied. Maybe she could have “grandma time” while you borrow her car. Is there a father in law in the picture? Where is your family?
Ask her about her own marriage and family. Might give you some good insight. You can call & talk to her even if she lives far away. Who knows, if you can get her on your side she might be a good ally. Is she worried about her son or pathologically attached to and controlling of him?
See what services are available to you through a woman’s center, talk to a lawyer, look at and know all your options no matter what you decide, & above all, plan, plan, plan & be SAFE if you decide to separate.
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Get away and get a job. Things will be hard at first but you deserve a better life. Better to be happy alone than miserable with him
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You had to see this coming
get a job of your own so you can put forth your share or leave take the allowance
Oh helll noooo, what era are in you living in? Other you get a job OR have him add you on the bank acct or leave him.
Ok so my husband and I have been together 5 yrs. For 2 yrs I made most of the money and supported us i would say about 60/40. When I had my son (3 yrs ago) the place I was working at shut down so my husband asked me to stay home and he found a better paying job. I’ve been a stay at home mom since (at least for another yr when my son enters VPK) I DO NOT have access to my husbands bank account, nor do I want it. I have my own account and I have cash app. When we need something I text him to please send me X amount of dollars for this and that. If we are really tight on money he will ask for specifics, like what r u getting, do we need it right now, etc. When he has extra money he does not hesitate to offer me some ($20-100) w.e I ask for. But I try not to because I know he’s saving for a motorcycle, after having bought our 3 yr old and my 7 yr old their own ATVs, now its his turn, and i know once he gets that he wants to give me like $800 and let me loose. Lol he wants me to go to a spa and shit but chances are ill buy stuff for him, the house, and kids.
Anyway, yea he’ll cash app or zelle me w.e I need when I’m out, for gas, food, etc. But we do communicate about money so I know when things are tight and I won’t bother asking unless its something we absolutely need. I get child support for my 7 yr old, I use that for her after care (yes she GOES to school, not virtual) (and she’s in aftercare cause she wants to be) and i use w.e is left to buy some groceries, like snacks, bread, basics if we run out before our monthly BIG trip.
Like I said I dont want his debit card or access to his account,he knows all I care about is the bills are paid and theres food for the kids. I dont need to be snooping in his account to see if he treated someone to lunch at work or spent to much at ace hardware u know what i mean.
I do have a car though, that I bought new and paid off in 2 yrs (I was making really good money lol) he pays my insurance, puts gas in it, we both service it ourselves etc.
My biggest issue with what ur going through is the mommas boy thing. My husband loves his mom but he can’t stand her and we leave over 700 miles away from his family (and my family) so…we’re good there lol.
Point being i don’t think u should want access to his account, but u should have a cash app card and when u need something, a necessity, tell him to cash app u the money and u can get it urself. Once u start working again, u want him snooping around in ur bank account?
LEAVE!! Before u have children. It will get worse!!
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It don’t get better, get out now, I went through that for 22 years, there is life after that,
Walk away and stay with someone. Get a job and move on. Screw all that crap. Before ya go burn his shit too!
Lmfao hell the F no. He would be staying home and I’d be working if that’s the route he wanted to go. I’d be single before I ever allow anyone to control me, our household income, or when and where I buy something as simple as milk.
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Get a job and make your own spending $. He can take care of house and home when you are at work. Or go. What’s going on with his mum etc is bogus. I would be super mega pissed. I’m sorry hun
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Get a job and get your own independence. You’ll see him change right before your eyes !
This is domestic abuse. Withholding money and needs.
RED FLAG GIRL
Tell your husband you’re not a child and well beyond an “allowance”. God even housewives in the 50s had a friggin check book… they did the shopping AND PAID THE BILLS… Daddy earned the money, and Mommy managed it. Best advice I have is get yourself a part time job, and your own independence.
Or just take the kid and run, and don’t look back.
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Leave you are being controlled
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I don’t have access to husbands stuff either nor will he give me money to spend on myself, the house, the dogs or our child and you know what I did… I got a damn job… lol.
Id leave that toxic ,abusive,manipulating b.s. like now
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Send him with a shopping list, no man really enjoys the grocery store especially if you buy brands. Plus he’ll realize the prices.
This sounds like modern day slavery. This is not okay. Get out while you can and get a great attorney
Very controlling behaviour. Why did you marry him. ? It will get ALOT worse when you have kids. Get out now
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U need a different husband
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The only way to get something done is to do it. Don’t ask. Make a choice and push yourself. Only you can make changes in your life. You can ask all the questions in the world but until you decide to do something for yourself the answers given are pointless.
Who did he marry you or his mum , controlling trait by mother and son is learning
RUN & RUN FAST!!! I lived this life for 20+ years & it is NOT worth it! I broke free almost 3 years ago, it was scary & heartbreaking BUT it feels soo good to finally be able to breathe!! It is NOT your mother n laws fault… it IS your husbands fault! He is grown & makes his own decisions! HE is abusing you mentally for sure & more than likely he will NEVER change 
I’m guessing that y’all have at least one kid since you stated that you’re a stay at home mom SO that means that y’all BOTH work, his job just so happens to pay $$$ but YOUR job is 24/7 not an 8-10 hr (or however many hours) shift & then you get to knock off & go home to relax. Girl RUN!!! It’s NOT worth it! Do you want your kid to be treated that way or want your kid treating someone else that way when they grow up? I’m thinking probably NOT so why would it be okay for you to be treated like that. Again… RUN!!! Get tf out & start living your best life & be happy
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Being a Mamas boy would my first clue to leave. You can love and respect your parents but if she is telling him how to handle his money and saying don’t trust you I’d leave
If the account is in his name he doesn’t have to allow you access too but as far as not allowing you to go after your needs is childish of him he should allow you to have freedom too and money to spend the same as him.
Honestly you need to talk to him and find out from HIM why. If he even brings up what mom says I would ask him if he wants to be married to you or her? I think you need to put your foot down and tell him either I get access to our money or you will get a job to have your own money. If he won’t allow you to be on the account or get a job that is 
financial abuse. And you won’t want to hear this but if he won’t change either way you need to leave. You may love him but truthfully if he can’t trust you then he doesn’t love you. May sound harsh but it’s true.
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Had the same with my second husband- stayed married 6 months!
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Once me and my husband got married everything became ours. If he doesn’t trust you will sounds like you shouldn’t have gotten married. You shouldn’t have to ask for money like a child
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DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HIM!!! Leave him, get a job and lI’ll ve your own life!
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He’s learned these behaviours & had Momma to back him…hard to change…I’d leave now while the marriage is still new
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Stand up, get a job. Make your own money and support yourself then you can do as you please. Once you do that, the other “answers” you’ll need will become obvious 
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You don’t stay in something that makes you miserable!
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Thats not right.I stayed at home with my kids.We have a joint account and I do the financial business.There is no “allowance”…Controlling behavior is not acceptable.He is not treating you as an equal partner in your marriage…
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I would def get away. It will be hard at first but better. For the sake of your child. It would not be good if he were at work and you needed a life saving medicine or something like it for you or your child. That’s just selfish on his part.
Girl I hate to break it to you but that’s a form of abuse. Find your own separate income and split.
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Go to bank and ask for your own debit card, tell them you lost yours…
Get a job and let mil babysit save your money buy a car and get your account but let him still pay for all the things for the house and save up just in case he wants to pull a stupid move believe me it’s always good to have money saved without anybody knowing honestly he is using money to control you stay strong 
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Leave him. That’s rediculous. Your job deserves the right to have the freedom to buy what you want and need. You need a REAL MAN.
Tell his mother to bud out of your marriage, or you’ll get a lawyer, with help from say, your side of the family!!! Or. Tell him things are going to change or your going to leave him.
This can be the beginning of an abusive controlling marriage. Think twice before you fall into his dungeon of gloom and doom.
I couldn’t live like that. I hope you can convince him that you need some cash for emergencies. It doesn’t seem like it’s a healthy relationship but I don’t know all the details.
He’s controlling you and abusing you financially. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with him where he treats you as his equal and not his property and if not divorce his ass if things don’t change immediately
And ur married to that ??
fuk that, I’m not doing so bad in life after all.
LEAVE HIM end of.
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So I am a SAHM with 3 kids. My husband is the sole provider. We have a joint account. I take care of all our bills, groceries, households, what the kids need, etc. As long as bills are paid, heat is in the house, food and whatever we need abd he has his money for work than if we have it left over I can buy what I want. It is not right of him to do that to you. Stand up for yourself and your kid/kids. If you do not want to leave than you need to set him straight and give him an ultimatum. My mom lived like you for 30 years, my Dad finally changed. Life is too short just do not be unhappy.
And your MIL tell her to fuck off and your husband to get off her boob. I tell mine to pack his diaper bag and go to his mommys hahaha because truly somedays he irritates me but stand up for yourself and to him and your MIL even if she hates you for awhile. Mine did for years we recently just started getting along. It is whatever it has to be. You can fix this but you must find your strength and your backbone.
I would tell him if he’s not going to give you away to go out and buy things then you are going to look for a job or divorce him. Why doesn’t he transfer money into your bank or leave he’s card for you. Even my ex will send me to the shop with he’s card. I just bring back the recipes because sometime things are on discounts.
Yeah that’s abuse yous are married which means everything it’s shared!! Why shouldn’t he trust you!!! You need money to do things with the kids go buy the food shop treat yourself ect!!! Time to get out that house xx
What is the ‘allowance’? Just curious…
I have been in the situation of 3 kids under 6 yrs old, with a FT+ job and we shared a vehicle.
Are ‘allowed’ to go grocery shopping after be gets home?
Either way, sahm needs to end. You need a job. You need to save every penny of that income.
That’s the first step
Tell him to go live with his mother
You demand that you are put on the account so you have your own card to use. Or you leave him and he pays child support for 18 years!
Been there done that.
With the li’ll money he gives you
get yourself a secret bank acct build it up and get the hell outathere.
I Was married to a mommas boy for 15 yrs with that same bullshit and his moms verbal bullying and controlling issues. He’s been shacked up and married twice since then, and still livin with mommadukes she’s always gonna be his main, women like that always control everything the son does
Oh and she 80 now and he’s 58 and still married and mom lives with them now. Get Out!
I did and I never let another man oR in-law EVER! control my life again. God bless and good luck hun…
Maybe you can get a job and make it an equal relationship. Maybe he feels like its one sided since he’s the only one working to keep his family afloat. Maybe he feels he needs to keep track of the income to be able to manage the bills. An allowance is a good plan that way you have cash on hand.
Nothing you say will change things really. Mammas boys will always stay mammas boys.
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Get the child tax and what not out into your account so you have money for basics when you need it.
I’d say leave but ik that’s not always easy so instead just make ur own money and keep ur kids away from his parents tell her she isn’t welcome and tell him if he wants a mommy more then a wife then he can treat u like a room mate no sex no cooking for him no doing his laundry nothing make ur own money if he falls short on money to bad he can get it from mommy dearest we all know she won’t be around forever and when she is gone he will be all yours.
Go get a job and get out when you think you can handle things on ur own
That’s prison
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Sometimes folks it not always about lazy we doesn’t knows her option to choose from.
Then marrying someone and knows someone takes time to see their true color.
Sometimes when you have kid or kids is different scenarios to move on and the source it takes time. Some places a person lives its not easy for bus n day care then to pay rent etc. But she can works gradually to improve her situation. Men like threatened their spouse if they move
The best thing let mother in law look baby and run the house you get a job as most people saying start with an online job
Leave, ur never going to win and be truely his wife because of his mom. U r a glorified servant and that’s it. She will always be first, so u r better off being on ur own or with someone who sees u as their partner, their love, best friend, confidant, the one they want to have kids and grow old with. And it doesnt sound like u r those things for him. Sorry… but u r better off…
Besides leaving the only thing is to get a job, saved something for yourself, let his mother baby sit and look after him. An online job could benefit you in mean time even online study. Didn’t mention if you guys living with her if so try save and moved out together if he doesn’t want to its up to you to stay or move on. Emotional abuse isn’t always recognize until its too late.
do what i did have your own bank account now mine is nice and full his is empty 
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Tell his mother to mind her own business and tell him to grow up he’s married and that’s not the way it is
Get out while you can honey for your sake and your babies for this situation will only get worse. Message me if you want to talk about it I got you been there done that just not a mammas boy.
His mama about to have her son back in her house! That 
is crazy
Tell him it changes or your leaving if he doesn’t than you leave
If he actually agrees with her your marriage is a joke .move on
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Divorce him his mom should have no say in the marriage
Wake up and see the light unless u r lazy
I am a stay at home mom as well. My husband’s paychecks go into OUR bank account and we both have access and debit cards. God said family is in the order of:God, Spouse, children then everyone else. If he is allowing his mother to have control and a say in your marriage, you will never win and your children will eventually be taught to treat you as their servant/door mat just like they do. SAHM mom’s have the hardest and most demanding job ever! Remember to take care of YOU and do what is best for you AND your child. Good luck and God bless you!
send him home take car n leave
I would say if you can get him to give you a little money or maybe even ask your parents but do something like open an online store don’t give him access to any of the funds and when you get a nice little nest egg leave and take your children with you you should not be controlled like that! His mother is poisonous and will most likely teach your children to treat you the same way get out while you can
I was a stay at home mom too but my husband and I always shared our bank account. What of there is an emergency. I did have a bit of an allowance, but at the time we were on a very strict budget so he was too. I think this one really needs to be talked about and needs to be worked out. If it can’t you need to go to a professional
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You have the choice to get a job or start a home business for your own money. Why should you depend on anyone to support you ? I suggest that you pray without ceasing concerning your needs amd listen to what God tells you. We are ALL responsible for ourselves.
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Get. Out. Now. This has less to do with him being a mama’s boy, and more to do with him being a controlling jerk who has no respect for you. I am also a SAHM, have been for 12 years, and my husband always reiterates that the money in our joint account is OURS. I wish you the best.
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If he doesn’t trust you, why did he marry you? If he doesn’t trust you, why are you still married to him?
Trust, communication, and respect are key to a strong and healthy marriage. My dear lady, it sounds like you have none of those with this man. I urge you to think about this from two sides- your mind and your heart.
It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Wishing you the best of luck! 
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No way would I put up with this. A marriage is a partnership and not only should you have access, but it should be a joint account and you should have your own debit card. I would not allow this for a second. You are his wife and his mom needs to butt out. If he refuses I would leave. That sounds like a form of control and is downright scary.
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That’s how my first husband was,I got a job…had my own money…save at my credit union…got my own apt move out…his last words where…how could you do this to me…I’ve never been more happy
…
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Ask for your own account and have him put money in there for you and the home. He can do it automatically. I’m concerned he doesn’t want you to know his business. I think you are going to have a very hard marriage.
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This is emotional abuse, a way to control and isolate you. Mama’s boys will always put mama before their wife and listen to her and believe her over you. Get a bus schedule and find a job, then leave.
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Pack your stuff and go! That’s a major control issue!
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And you been together for 5 years and you knew what he was like before you married him? And his mother? Sounds like you should of question yourself before saying I DO.
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My husband was the same way. I’m a stay at home mom. I expressed to him that he can’t expect me to go shopping, pay the rent, or bills but not let me have a debit card to his bank account. I told him it was a debit card or divorce. He decided it was time for a debit card. Don’t let them control you like that. It’s not worth it.
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I am a MIL x3 and would never ever put my nose into their marriages. This is abuse and you need to find a way to work and save and get out. You didnt mention children, once they come your window is closed. Good luck.
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My husband and i have been together 19yrs. We were young when we met. I had a kid and worked when we met. I got pregnant right away, again, we were young:joy: anyways as soon as I got pregnant he didn’t want me to work, and it was our money, although he earned it. Now our kids are adults, minus 1 who is 17. I work now, but it’s always been our money. Maybe counseling, but girl please be careful. That’s controlling 
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Ok this is NOT ok. Stand up for yourself. There is no reason to not have access to money and transportation. This is 100% control. Demand change or get out! Do not live under someone elses control.
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You knew full well what you were getting into, this type of behavior doesn’t just “appear” when you get married. It was there when you met him, it was there when you dated him, it was there when you two were engaged.
Did you expect him to change? Did you think getting married was gonna magically make him a different man? You saw the problem long beforehand and didn’t take care of it, now you’re reaping what you sowed.
Divorce him. Get a job and don’t ever make such a stupid decision again.
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Lol! Buyer’s remorse. So you’ve known all of this for 5 years, but your surprised that you can’t change it now that you want to. Any of the issues you just described are resolved the moment you get your own job. If you leave, you’ll need to get your own job. Regardless, this is the result. Once you have your own job, his account become superfluous, and you can refuse him access to it. You might consider some problem solving skills, they can help you make more logical decisions, that do not harm you children in the process, and without making you sound like a petulant child.
I’m thinking you knew all this before you married if you have known him for 5 years? This should have all been discussed and a plan for how you would do finances as well as the involvement of his mother in your life. I know you don’t want to leave but if he is not willing to change the way things are done you may not have any choice. The other alternative would be to find a way to get a car a job and a day care person and start making your own money. A little tip every time you go to the store ask the cashier for 10-20$ cash back , make him have to say no in front of people.
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