My husbands mom constantly brings up his first wife

My husband was previously married before me. His ex wife had a double life and was hiding an affair. She divorced my husband and is now married to the man she had an affair with. However, my husband has kept his wedding ring, photos of them, her number saved, their bride and groom glasses from their wedding & brings up memories of them and stuff they did together. At first he talked about her a lot and their memories and etc. I figured it would die down after a few months but we are now married and he still has kept everything. His excuse is “he’s a hoarder”. Also, His mother has always brought her up every time I see this woman. She will show my husband their text conversations right infront of me and acts like I’m not there. 3 days before our wedding she pulled out his wedding album from his previous wedding. Just very uncomfortable… I almost called off the wedding but my husband did tell his mother that wasn’t appropriate… His mother also has him and his ex wife’s entire wedding album and honeymoon photos on her Facebook page still. I am not a fan of my mother in law due to feeling disrespected… We are also very different but I am always being civil and putting a happy face on. My husband and I just share a child together and she is crossing boundaries stating I need to let my son cry it out… however, he is only 1 month old… he does NOT need to cry it out as he is a newborn. She is constantly making remarks and trying to tell me how to parent. I let it go and never say anything but I’m overall just very unhappy with everything. I constantly feel like I will forever be the “2nd wife” and now my parenting is getting judged. It’s his mother and I would never in a million years tell him to never speak with her but I am now setting boundaries with myself and not going over her house. My husband and I are in therapy and he is trying his hardest but I feel like the damage is already done. Any advice is super helpful!!! FYI- my husband and the ex wife do NOT have children together. There are NO ties between them…. My husband finally got rid of everything after I asked about 20x. I just feel as if all of that should have been gone before bringing me into his life. I truly feel as if he wasn’t over her and might not be still

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands mom constantly brings up his first wife

Tell her to quit it. Ur sick of hearing about her.

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Imo no baby need to CIO. I couldn’t do it anyway. It felt cruel. 1 month old baby need mom not CIO

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Youll always hear about her. Id definitely leave the situation. Its exhausting

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You married him knowing all of this. Deal with it or leave. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Get your husband to back you up. If he doesn’t, you need to set boundaries with your MIL. CIO on an infant is old school.

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Should have seen the warning before marriage. If he had the things before you should have spoken before a marriage. As for the mother in law you have every right to set boundaries. If you can’t get over the facts he kept things or speaks of a previous relationship maybe you should not be there. Good luck

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Well!!! You are in fact his second wife and always will be , you should make peace with that , it’s a excellent thing that you both are in therapy.
He definitely needs to have a serious talk to his mom , until then …. Keep your self away and do not let her to disrespect you NO MORE

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He has rights to remember his memories, and you can’t force him not to remember.

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I would have waited for things to change before getting married and left cause they didn’t change.
That’s horrible to go through but yous are married now. I’d go stay at a friend’s or parents for a week to figure out what you want and explain to him this is not okay.

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Sounds like he was the victim. It was hard for him to let go and move on. His mom is so wrong. A woman that done my son like that wouldn’t be a good memory for me. All that stuff would had been thrown in a fire.

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:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::rotating_light::rotating_light::rotating_light::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::rotating_light::rotating_light::rotating_light::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:that’s how many red flags were In this post

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Stay away from your mother- in-law and do not allow her to come to your house. Tell your husband of your decision and don’t back down. Yoo don’t need any toxic people around you or your baby. If someone is being disrespectful, you will need to put your big girl panties and put a stop to it.

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Why isn’t your husband backing you up?
You said you thought it would die down after a bit so this has always been a thing so you’re aware , how much she is spike about and have. So you can either talk to them or leave rally.

You cant go into a relationship get married then start having issues nah you work at em before marriage.

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People have pasts…but this goes far beyond any resemblance of healthy. I would leave him and his mother to it.

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First you allowed it too happen. I wouldn’t have married a man or moved into his home or allowed him in mine if he wasn’t fully over his ex. Bringing up occasionally is fine as the past happened and it it is a part of who they are but bringing it up to that extent goes to show that he isn’t fully over her. If he proposed and married you the items should have been long gone then especially if no kids are involved. I could understand having items if there were kids involved and passing them onto the kids but not just randomly. I’d leave and let him figure out what he honestly wants, you or the ex :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I wish they had an eye roll reaction

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Start setting boundaries towards your husband especially because neither he nor his ex wife have kids together there shouldn’t be a bond there! Unless he wasn’t over her as you stated if that’s the case then you have your answer! Remind him and your mother in law about the ex wife’s double life she had that destroyed their marraige and hurt her son in the process! Verses a good faithful wife whose given him a child! They should have more respect so that he doesn’t loose his family he has now over a not worth ex wife’s consequences they shouldn’t have in their lives anylonger!

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I’m sorry, but keeping wedding mementos?? :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: that is so beyond disrespectful to you and I agree, definitely wasn’t, and still might not be over her.

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Sooo one. I feel like we’re missing some pieces of this story. You are his second wife…you’ll always be his second. Also, it’s super toxic to tell someone to get rid of a part of them…it’s why he is the person you fell in love with. The MIL sounds like she needs boundaries with your relationship and your child.

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It only gets worse. Leave now.

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Maybe he jumped into the marriage with you too soon…its awesome that you guys are in therapy together, I think that’s a step in the right direction…but maybe he should’ve been in therapy to sort out his heartbreak before marrying you. Sounds like he has some baggage he needs to unpack. Should he talk about his ex wife to you all the time? No. He should take your feelings into consideration. As for the mother in law…tell her to butt out. You know whats best for YOUR baby.

I’m glad you said he finally got rid of it-my guess is he was still hurt and they were his only ties left with her. He should have got over all of that before moving on and getting married though. As for his mom-you need to be straightforward with her about how she’s making you feel and if she still does it then simply remove yourself from having any communication with her :woman_shrugging:t2: Mother in law or not, you have to do what’s best and healthiest for you. You’d think she’d despise a woman that hurt her son…:expressionless:

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Don’t let her ruin ur marriage. I almost let that happen to me. :100: monster in law and I let it be known if nothing was gonna be said on my behalf that I’m no longer a door mat and I will speak up. Now I just don’t even go around them and my kids don’t either. They got to see for themselves how they have been treated differently and no effort put in on the other party’s behalf. It is what it is. He was married before me too so I went through a lot of that crap the first couple of yrs.

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Idk I kept my wedding photos from my first marriage and I have pictures on my Facebook of everything. Those are memories and you can’t erase those. I made that clear to my current husband in the beginning. He knows I don’t want that life back. That is just another lifetime almost. I have scrapbooks from high school full of pics of people I don’t speak to or whatever anymore. Now if my mom was pulling the album out and bringing up the ex or his mom (he wasn’t married before but say he had been) I wouldn’t be ok with this, especially that close to my own wedding. I would definitely keep hard boundaries with her. She seems like a busy body nosy petty person.
Also, I don’t understand why you didn’t get into this before you got married. If it bothered you then but now you finally stand up. I hate it when people do that crap. You handle this stuff BEFORE marriage. Not wait until it is more locked in to put your foot down. You can feel however you feel, but to expect him to now change everything is bothersome. It was acceptable until now? No, it is now you have some control and you want to flex that or leave and after he has tossed the things you think it may be too late.
So, are you sure it is his ex and mom that are the wedge? This seems internal and that you are projecting and blaming it all on anyone but yourself that you aren’t in this. You have a newborn and that could be part of those feelings. Babies put us through it so maybe look at yourself a bit and try to let things settle a tiny bit before you rush out the door. You did just have a human and I’m sure you’re all adjusting to that as well.

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Yikes. Get a new man.

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I made friends with my fiance’s ex wife. They divorced over ten years ago & time does heal everything, but both him and I weren’t “over” our previous relationships. It’s hard when you were wronged and hurt. But I was understanding of his feelings because I was going thru the same hardship. Just because someone is not right for you does not mean you didn’t love them with your whole heart . Your husband prob gave his all too that relationship and then was crushed, but doesn’t know how to let go. Not all humans have the capacity to do that with ease. What I saw with my fiance was his capacity to love deeply, and vice versa. So we became stronger because of it. And closer because we both know we can share anything and everything with one another. Showing you still care about an ex shouldn’t be vilified, it should be applauded. Especially when the ex was horrible.

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He still loves her. You shouldn’t have married a man that was holding on to all this. That’s probably why he thought it was ok.

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No he probably wasn’t. But you knew that then. 💁

Maybe you shouldn’t have married him. You said he was talking about her before marriage so that’s kinda on you home girl. :joy:

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I have pictures from both of my ex husbands and wedding photos. They are called my memories and why should I get rid of them . I am actually close friends with both of my ex husband. My First husband we were kids Seniors in High School when we got married. Second husband we neither one put in the work to save our marriage. My last husband died I with him 30 years. I understand the mother in law and being upset with her purposely bringing up the ex . Let the rest go . He is with you not her

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Grandmas are always going to give parenting advice. Exes really never go away. You knew all this before your “I Do’s”. You will always be the second wife. No changing that status.

Oh girl I’m sending you tons of good vibes. Your mother in law sounds horrible, and reminds me of stuff my mother in law would do. Now for your husband, to keep such sentimental things he was clearly not over his ex when y’all got together and married, and yes he might’ve gotten rid of those things now that you’ve asked 20x’s or so, it doesn’t mean he’s over her now. You need to have a real meaningful conversation about yalls feelings, even if you do it in therapy. I feel like this would be a good discussion to have with professional help.

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He loves you both. Like it or lump it and tell your mother in law to go fk herself :ok_hand::rofl:

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Tell your mother in law to stay in her own lane. I’d say “you raised your kids, and I’m raising mine. Not you. If I need advice, I will ask, if not, no need to provide it.” Nobody tells me how to raise mine. Not happening. You want to dictate…go have another one or adopt one…mine isn’t up for negotiations.

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“My husbands mom constantly brings up his first wife” is NOT a question, its a statement. A question requests an answer by placing a question mark at the end of a sentence. Why can’t you grammar at all? I don’t think you’re from a place that knows the difference between a question and a statement. Do you want an answer to your statement? Ok, tell your mother in law to shut up and get out of your lives or her son can have another divorce for mommy to tell the next sucker.

Lmao, Wow! He had a life before you showed up. He’s allowed to do that. Let the man keep his momentos. This sounds shitty of you to be honest. I do think he could probably use some counseling though. He may need some healing.

The MIL also has a right to remember her ex DIL if that’s her prerogative. She was part of her life too. So in this aspect you’re still sounding shitty.

Also, I have been divorced from my ex husband for almost 17 years now. He and I still chat every now and again. He has kept momentos from our time together. He has been remarried for about 12yrs now. His current wife still creeps on me and friend requests me.Tries to involve her self in my life etc. INSECURE!!!

If you don’t like the comments the MIL makes to you cut her off. Set boundaries. But you have some growing up to do

Go to therapy. Read, “Boundaries,” by Dr. Henry Cloud. He needs to deal with his mother and this book will help him to set those boundaries and explain why they are important.

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I’d throw that shit out if I were you right in front of him and give him an ultimatum there is absolutely no reason to keep any of that shit it’s garbage

never been married so i don’t have any advice on all of that stuff. but i would never allow her to watch my child, ever. if she thinks letting a child cry it out is a good thing then she would never have the chance. it is cruel, no matter what age the child is. it shouldn’t be done.

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Listen when someone gets cheated on they don’t have closure from that relationship. They end it out of anger. He doesn’t understand why she would hurt him like that or why she did what she did to him. It may seem easy to you for someone to just stop talking about it but reality is he’s still hurting and he still doesn’t understand why either. Stop getting upset about it because in the end he did chose you and marry you he went thru with a second wedding and most men wouldn’t of done that with getting married a second time because of what the first wife did. It’s not like he’s going back to her or talking to her.

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Yes that definitely means he’s not or wasn’t over her.I guess it is a hard situation with what she did to him but he should have told u straight from the beginning if it was the case.And I would try not to be rude about it but tell the mother in law there will be boundaries.Tell her it’s your child and u will do as u please.And also to stop bringing up his ex wife infront of u that it is disrespectful.Tell her that is his ex and u r his wife and if she can’t respect that then u won’t come around her or as little as possible

Don’t sound like his over her

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Maybe you and the baby need to find a different place and let him figure out what he wants in life…live in past or look ahead with you. Can’t have a future if your always looking in the rear view window.

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You’re one month postpartum, a LOT of hormones are still taking place, please be weary about making any permanent decisions during this time.

His mother needs boundaries. Don’t go over there, and when she brings up the ex or critiques on your parenting your husband needs to tell her to stop.

He got rid of the things that were bothering you, good. That’s done.

Continue therapy singular and together.

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He has to through out the pictures one at a time because I think it will heal is sole to put new memories in is albums . Maybe that something you can do togeather. He must be still hearing from is first marriage and he has a heard time getting over it. It’s something you may have to help him with and try to understant where he is comming from and the mother has to stay out of your busness for sure. Thar your child not hers.

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How long have you two been married

Let that old bat keep her memories,that’s all they’ll every be. But set him straight that’s some nonsense,I don’t keep any ex bs period. They’re an ex for a reason.My mil promised my husband’s ex that if it didn’t work out they could get back together. This was before we were married and already had our first child together…I’ll never forget that disrespect…

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Is he overly sentimental about other things? Is he really a hoarder? Hoarding is a control issue and can be tied to other mental illnesses. It does sound like he is having a hard time separating himself from his previous life with her. I’d try to focus on the positives like the fact that you’re in therapy and working together on your relationship, or that he did get rid of things after a time, and you have a child together. The more you focus on the negative aspect of it, the more guilt and shame he’s going to feel and will try to control it even more. Hard situation to be in. Best wishes.

Unfortunately you are partially to blame. It should have been dealt with before i do’s. I have keep some momentos from ex’s because they were important moments in my life but he and his mother clearly werent over her and the more you allow his mother to act this way by putting on that nice face the more she will do it.

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Well I still have pictures of my ex but I certainly don’t look at them or before to them and my family would never say anything in front of my current partner about my ex. They may say something in general if Something Happens and that reminds them of him but it’s very rare. He definitely needs to deal with his mother because his mother sounds like an awful person. I have always heard of these stories were mother-in-law‘s can make your life hell luckily I’ve never been in that situation. I’m sure he probably has no closure from that relationship even though he should have before he married you. Doesn’t mean he wants him back or anything but I’m sure he still has some issues but I think you guys need to resolve that otherwise this is what your marriage will always be. And his mother Needs to be put in her place because this woman that she is basically idolizing cheated on him and is now married to the guy she should be anything but nice about this woman

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Yikes. Why are you trying to so hard to control how he feels and what material things he has? Also, as a new mom it’s easy to get offended when someone tries giving you tips or advice on what might help. It doesn’t harm the baby to let them cry a little, it can be beneficial for their lungs.

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while I agree he shouldn’t be forced to get rid of memories of his ex wife- your husband shouldn’t have started a relationship if he couldn’t let the past go. I personally wouldn’t want to keep any memories or my partner if he cheated on me and married the person he cheated on. I think you know the truth and just know you deserve better than that.
Second, you have every right to set boundaries. this is your child. Just because your MIL has a title to your child doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your child.

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Yeah, my husband was married before & her has pics for this daughter but they’re boxed up. There’s no mention of it or her.
Personally, I’d flip my lid on MIL & then tell hubs he need to decide what he wants bc you won’t live in a shadow or being compared. I’d stay with family for a while & do couples counseling. If he isn’t willing to move on, you’ll have to bc you do not want your son growing up like that. He has to be a priority.

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Would they have been understanding if the shoe were on the other foot?

He isn’t over her. And, depending how long it’s been, he may never get over her. He may be still in love w the life he THOUGHT they had, not the real one. He needs individual therapy, not just couple’s. How long have y’all been together? Married? He also needs to have a serious sit down with monster in law. I’d feel exactly the way you do, sis. He should absolutely be rid of everything. If she had passed away, that would be different. But they’re DIVORCED. Screw that.

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Tell your MIL that she had her chance to raise her kids how she wanted and now it’s your turn to take your own journey and parent your own kids how you want.

Keep going to therapy and be open about all of your feelings. Don’t bottle things up.

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I would tell them both to kiss off

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My husband was cheated on from previous relationship, 9 kids later, also brings up the bitch he was with and the grandma aka person who raised him brings it up. I don’t go around that much anymore because of it. You have to set your boundaries also. Get rid of that past shit of his and if he doesn’t like it then he isn’t the one for you. I mean everything that he has including pictures. He living in the past and his mother is encouraging it. You don’t really need to put up with the shit.

Not a second wife but iam my husband’s only wife lol and he had a lot to deal with when we got together when it cane to me and my ex we were together for 10 years he was my first love at 13 we met at 14 I left home never came back and at 16 married he was very toxic but I came from even worse than him so needless to say it wasn’t easy when I finally left and tried to move on it was the most horrible experience of my life the hurt the pain the betrayal it was all to much I turned to drugs and alcohol I felt so alone then I toughened up got myself together took me about 5 years anyway I started dating my now husband and he had baggage as well 2 k7ds 2 different mama’s 1 crazy 1 just never and gullible good relationship with 1 horrible with the other one so he had to hear about the ex for the first couple years from me my family and my friends well because that’s what we all knew for so Ling but once I realized I was doing this and I was allowing my family and friends to do it then I wasn’t being fair to him and the next time I heard someone bring something up I spoke up told everyone we do not discuss him or our old life that never was period it hurt him deeply because he never compared me to the other girls even after they had cheated and all they did to him he still never did that but I know how it made him feel when someone would say his name he never met him in person he has seen him and heard the horror stories and he absolutely can’t stand him wich it doesn’t matter to me either way I can see him and act as an adult now I can because I let him go and I now have a much better life 4 beautiful k7ds 5 grandkids and married to my so for 20 years I guess what I’m saying is I’m looking at ot from his side and yours how long were they married how old were they how long have you been married and how long were they together before marriage and same how long together before you were married that all plays in his reactions and his actions as for the mother in law I would have a nice sit down over some coffee and explain to her how these things make you feel and nicely explain to her that you have boundaries and they are to be respected and you need to talk with your so I have all my first marriage stuff still its in a big tote marked failures its in the attic at my mother’s where it will remain and if and when I die it will go to our daughters together this was part of my life my journey to get to where iam niw so that is for them to see life through my eyes they know their father is the love of my life they also know mommy was married to someone else a long long time ago I would simply ask for them to put it up and away and not to bring their life together its going to happen from time to time especially if you all are newlyweds only been married a couple years I don’t think it’s her he is holding onto I think its a part of his life that isn’t the way he had planned is probably what he is grieving for so you make your life together better for you both marriage is hard work wether your first or 4th its always a take more than a give it feels most days but you have to remember he is with you now and you 2 are building your lives together and your going to make it better than they had ever dreamed unfortunately you will always be the 2cnd wife but it doesn’t need to be announced every time you all are all together your so needs to tell his mom to stay in her lane when it comes to his marriage and his parenting with you as you all are the parent she had her chance at parenting I think maybe it was a rushed marriage maybe you need to set your boundaries and then do not allow them to be crossed and if they are then you remove yourself from the situation

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Did she cheat on him… Or did he cheat on her… Sounds suss the way your husband and MIL are behaving…

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Seems like he learned from his mom how NOT to move on

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He may be over her, but he’s clearly still hurt about the whole situation. The fact that his mother brings it up is a slap in the face to you and your marriage. She definitely does not respect it, therefore, my advice to you would be to keep going to therapy with your husband and if he is willing to make it work you should at least try. If it does not work out, at least you can honestly say “I tried everything I could”.

As per the pictures in his or her fb page, that is irrelevant, it’s like erasing someone’s past… we all have ex’s and we have have history. As long as he is respecting you and your marriage, that’s all that should matter.

I’m not struggling with my potential MIL but I don’t get along with a few people on one side of the family and that’s enough to not want to get married for me. Everyone is different though. MIL sounds a bit touched and I’d avoid her at any cost. Or at least until she accepts the fact that YOU’RE his wife. And talking to her? After she had a whole other relationship? Weird. Don’t put yourself in a situation where it will make you struggle mentally. Tell him you want the stuff gone or hell, give the MIL all the stuff he keeps and maybe she will get the hint.

If this were me, I wouldn’t be married to him

Why do you stay with him then🤷🏻‍♀️

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Those items were a reminder of his past and there is nothing wrong with him keeping them. How shameful of you to be so insecure. As for his mother, tell her to pound sand. That said, what’s on her social is her business not yours, she’s free to do as she please as long as she leaves you out of it. Tell your husband to grow a set and talk to her.

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Shame man strongs
Things will work out of you guys work on it
Personally I would not have married him holding on and speaking about his ex the whole time.
Hope you can be happy again
Just stick to your guns take care of you and your baby and try ignore all the negative things

It was happening before yall got married and had a kid… did you really think it was going to stop??? Women need to understand that just because he got with you and you have his child that he still is not going to change… all the signs were there before and then they want to get on here and do these things… seriously it is not going to matter if you are married to him now and you pop that kid out he ain’t changing.

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Tell her to bug off it is your child and you will raise her as you want…Some men are hoarders and that stuff should be put away in the attic. Your mother in law is not your friend.Have as little to do with her as possible untill she changes her attitude.

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Did he truly get rid of the stuff or just stash it at his mothers?
My best advice if you want this marriage is move away from MiL. Far enough that visits will be far and few between.

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Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you want boundaries on the mother in law especially with baby and about the ex or it isn’t going to work out. If he doesn’t, then it is time to go. No need to be repeatedly disrespected.

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I truly don’t understand why you married him when he clearly isn’t over her. There’s so many red flags here I don’t even know where to start, he should never have proposed to you. :confused: You don’t deserve this.

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I think that the MIL is crossing all sort of lines. But your spouse is supposed to have your 6. When someone disrespect or disregards your feelings(especially his mother) he should be stepping in and correcting that or asking MIL to leave.

But again as mentioned before postpartum hormones are so so strong. Just factor in those heightened emotions when making any decisions!

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You’re one month post partum . EVERYTHING is going to feel like a huge aggravating issue. Concentrate on getting as much rest as you can, ignore all the advice you don’t agree with and be confident and joyful in the life and family you are building with your husband. His mother can continue to love the ex wife with all her flaws if she chooses to and you can nicely inform her you don’t want to hear about it. There’s enough love to go around.

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I agree with you totally.

F…k the mother in law. Don’t go over her house .take control of the situation. Seems like she hurt him and he was holding on to (their items). But he did throw them out so he does care about your feelings, he spoke up to his mom also. Just give it some time. If the mother in law don’t grow up she’s gona miss out on her grandchildren like my husband mother…it will be her loss

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If you’re getting therapy, definitely bring up the fact that you dont think your husband is over his ex.
Be clear as to why.

Maybe they can help him forgive and let go of the past.
As for the mil, politely tell her that times have changed and you prefer not to use her method of crying out… which is cruel, ffs babies cry for a reason…

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First of all you should of put a stop to this before you married him and definitely before you had his child. The next time she brings her up, look her straight in the eyes and say. I don’t understand WHY you would still want anything to do with his Ex. If she loved your son and you she would not of cheated.

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That last sentence is everything. He wasn’t over her, unfortunately. The MIL is a huge enough issue but if the man isn’t over her there is not much you can do except be understanding. Or leave, but I usually don’t tell people to do that but if it something that you can’t take anymore you need to be happy.

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First great that y’all are in therapy. It seems like your husband had no say in first first marriage ending so I’m sure that is hard moving on from I don’t think that says anything about your marriage it’s just baggage and trauma he will need to work through. As for the MIL set your boundaries, your the mom and can raise YOUR baby however you see fit. When I got unwanted advice I would just say oh thanks but I happy doing it this way. Continue to voice what hurts you to your husband and let him know you want him to stick up for you.

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I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this, however, you too can be an ex-wife. Mentally it’s not healthy and will eventually break you down to nothing. KNOW YOUR WORTH! The first time they disrespected me, I would have thrown up peace signs and left. Don’t be the rebound wife.

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He isn’t over her and will never be, get out of there

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I’m divorced and I still have most of my stuff. I divorced him, even through all the abuse and all the bad there is good memories and my wedding was a good day. All my friends and family were there and it was a huge moment in my life. Anyone who can’t understand that can leave my life.

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Like why rememeber or bring up someone whose cheated on them ? And the mom
Shouldn’t be bringing her up … like that lady cheated on your son

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Sweet Jesus u have it rough!! First off how long are u and hubby together not married but together?

Like ur husband does not need time to get over his ex she’s long gone he needs to respect the fact you are his wife!

Mother in law has got to go fuck being civil you tried that and she whipped out the old photo album and belittled you well before that

Ye as a couple need to rebuild your relationship or you need to walk away because ur misserable and I couldn’t imagine trusting him is easy… no hoarder wants to keep all that stuff especially wedding glasses … just no!

Girl please know ur worth and and get out if it’s not working or u see no change please don’t stay and be misserable that’s no life for u or ur bub to live …

He needs to decide u and baby is his family and cut the ex and mother out of the picture if he can’t do that knowing and seeing how hurt you are then simply walk away!

You will forever be the 2nd wife…and thats not a bad thing, its just your place in time, you knew all this about him before you married him, so why did you go through with marrying him? Now you have a baby, the MIL needs to be respectful of your parenting skills, you need to tell her she has already raised her kids now it is your turn to raise your child how you see fit. And you need to start sticking up for yourself, tell the old witch that if she wants to talk about the home wrecker ex, then she needs to respect you enough and not do it while you are around and you and your child will stay away. And your husband needs to back you, if not, then he needs to move back to Mommy dearest and live with her.

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My husband and my replacement sleep in my bedroom, in my bed and my picture is hanging on the bedroom wall

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The only acceptable reason to keep wedding stuff from a previous marriage is if you share children together and you want to keepsakes to hand down to them.
In this case it is completely unacceptable and it makes it seem like he has not moved on. If my son was ever cheated on there is no way in hell I would be friends with his ex-wife. I don’t know what your MILs issue is but her behavior is down right rude and disrespectful. 

Why would you marry this dude? If the wife had DIED it might have been one thing that he held on to mementos… none of this was okay.

When we’re in it those red flags sure don’t stop us tho. And the entire post is nothing but red flags. Sorry lady, pray pray pray!

I stopped reading. That man is not over his first wife. It’s not like they mutually split. She left him for someone else. Even though she did him dirty, sounds like that man still loves her. There is a difference between someone being a part of your past and being stuck on someone. I have pictures of my exs, in a box in the basement. That’s my past. I have a past, my husband has a past. But we don’t often talk about our exs. Something is wrong with his mom too. I bet I would stay friends with someone cunt that cheated on and left my son!

He needs alot of therapy. And so does his mother. Had a boyfriend once that his ex talked and visited his mother all the time. And when his sister would visit us with his mother she almost always called me by the ex’s name. Well after 2 yrs. he decided he was moving out. Of course I wasn’t home and didn’t know a thing about it. And found out he went back to the ex. And they ended up getting married again. So in my opinion I would leave him and him and his mother can have their own lives about the ex.

Well. You ARE the second wife. You knew that going in. She had a history with the first wife. She doesn’t have to cut her out of her life. That said, she really shouldn’t be doing all that in front of you. Her fb is her fb. Not your business. Your husband should go through all her crap and toss at least most of it. Hoarder or no. But look. My husband still had pictures on his fb of his ex wife. He sees them in his memories and crap. What do I care? He should be allowed to hold onto some memories, you want him to act like it never existed at all. But he should definitely get rid of the majority.
As far as the baby…ignore your mother in law if you disagree. :woman_shrugging:

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My daughters mother inlaw didn’t like her, but loved the xwife, long story short, mother inlaw got Alzheimer’s and forgot she did like her, and was good to up to the day the mother inlaw died

Sounds like my ex smother in law. She was exactly like this until one day I’d had enough. I told her she was an interfering old bat, who needed to get a life of her own and let her nearly 45yr old son wipe his own arse for a change. ( exact words used) obviously went down like a lead balloon but omg I felt so liberated !! Never had an issue again with her :rofl:

why would you marry a man who never let go and is still holding on. You put yourself in this situation by thinking you could love him enough he would forget about her. He is still hurting and in love.

It’s normal to keep wedding pictures and that stuff however it should be in a box . He should put it up somewhere. It sounds like he’s not over her. You should have never married him. His mom is out of line till her straight up you don’t want to hear about his ex anymore or she is done being in your life and for the child say thanks for the tip but I will raise my children how I want.

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Sooo I am going to say this…. My ex I dated before I started dating my current husband are still good friends. He’s friends with my husband. Heck I think he’s better friends with him than me lol. My ex and I ended on bad terms, but, we sat down as ADULTS and talked it out because even though we love each other, it was a platonic friend love. I am no longer attracted to my ex but I cherish our friendship. Sometimes ex’s date and realize they are better off as friends. I actually have a couple ex boyfriends I am still friends with. All but one are married and the other is in a committed relationship. I have no kids with any of them. I chose and I am in love with my husband only. I know this may seem weird to some but why spend your life hating someone when you can have more supportive people in your life (the exception is abusive or ex’s who aren’t a good influence in your life).

My husband cheated on me 5 years ago. Granted I’m not friends with her nor does my husband speak to her but he doesn’t want too. He told me she was a mistake and after being separated for 4 yrs, we worked on our relationship during that time and he finally moved back home. Regardless, it is possible for mature consenting adults to have a platonic relationship with an ex. Insecurity and jealousy can sometimes hinder you from forming a relationship with someone who maybe a great friend in the long term.

Maybe talk to your husband and have a small get together at your house when you are feeling up to visitors. Or if she wants to come over with a meal to help you all maybe invite her to join you and get to know her.

As for your MIL maybe ask her over for lunch and have your hubby have a father child date for a few hours and sit down with her. Talk to her and tell her you care for her very much and are happy to have her as a mother in law, then explain that while you appreciate the advice, you just wish to do what is recommended by your child’s pediatrician. Your MIL maybe coming from a loving place. Maybe she didn’t realize she was being disrespectful. You also have to be assertive with her. Just like with her comments about the CIO, a simple “I appreciate your suggestion, however, my pediatrician doesn’t recommend it and the way I do it seems to be beneficial for them. Push come to shove show her studies on why CIO didn’t work and the damage it caused to kids later in life.
Sit down with her and set boundaries, like asking her to refrain from giving parenting advice unless you ask her for it. Talk to her about your wishes and set boundaries for when she visits and remind her it is YOUR child. I’m sure she didn’t like it if HER MIL did it to her and if she said she did, remind her that she didn’t like it. Just my thoughts and experiences.

Her generation did things differently. I work in pediatrics and the stuff I did for my kids who are 8 and 5 as an infant is no longer recommended due to studies proving they are dangerous or could lead to life long issues.

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Have a serious conversation with him and ask him outright. You don’t have a MIL problem you have a husband problem. He should be keeping his mom under wraps when she oversteps but feel free to voice your opinion especially in your own home. Doesn’t sound like it’ll hurt your relationship with her any worse.

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