To hell with her and his family. You are not his mother, let him fix his own dam plate.
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Perhaps that’s just how their family is? I’m Mexican & my mom has 5 kids she always made all of the plates including my dad’s m. My dad of course would offer to make her plate but my mom always did. I always make my kids & my husband’s plates at home or anywhere else. My husband does cook especially when I’m pregnant as I currently am but will also offer to serve me. He’s not Mexican & would always tell me you don’t have to make my plate. Now he just thinks he’s spoiled. I don’t have an issue with making a plate for him though
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It’s a culture thing for some. My husband is Hispanic and if I didn’t make his plate, I would be talked about.
For me it’s not about subservience, I make his plate and he does plenty for me too. Marriage is a balancing act.
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Maybe I’m just a bitch, but I’d confront her verbally and ask her why she thinks he is incapable of making his own plate. And if he was a good husband, he would back his wife up. Periot
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Let it go! Next time she says something look at her very seriously and say YES, thanks for the reminder! I should however I am busy with HIS kiddos at the moment. If he is that hungry he is capable of fixing his own. If not, I will gladly make it for him when he has time to watch the twins while I do so.
She will be shocked, put in her place and hopefully embarrassed in from of the others.
Please do so very lovingly and polite. I am a grandmother speaking.
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They have very outdated ideas that need to die off. What did your husband do? I hope he told them off. But yes they should be cut off since they can’t respect you or your relationship by the sounds of it . There needs to be some sort of consequences for them or it will only continue and probably get worse.
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I think it all depends on how your husband responds to this. He should stand up for you and tell them that he can make his own plate and they are being very disrespectful. Its 2021. Theres nothing wrong with making eachothers plates when the other one is busy or worn out but to be expected to as his wife is very 1950s.
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He is a grown man who is capable of doing that himself. I realize that culture may play a role but if that is not how it works in YOUR relationship, then that’s that. He should talk to them and tell them that it really is just none of their business!
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He’s a grown man. Last I checked he was capable of serving himself food.
If he wants to eat, he better make a plate.
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This almost sounds like a joke… My family might say something jokingly like, “What? The princess has to cut her own food? You should find a new man!” But if it’s not said in fun, then I’d definitely speak up… Your marriage is not their business. If he wanted you to serve him then that’s a conversation you guys can have, but don’t think that his mother has any say in how you are as a wife. He didn’t marry his mom so let her know her place is outside your marriage.
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This is a culture thing particularly for Hispanics. I would just decide between you and your husband what you are both comfortable with and go with that. People will always find something to talk about what’s important is that the two of you be on the same page and back each other up.
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A man that doesn’t stick up for you isn’t a man worth being with.
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I am curious. How did your husband respond? My husband would not put up with anyone talking badly about me.
I would not be going around my in-laws any longer if that was happening. Sorry not sorry.
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I actually had this very problem…but it became more extreme…and demands became unbearable…I literally became a slave to please him and his parents…to the point that if I didn’t cook an Italian meal that took at least 2 hours to prepare including homemade pasta and gravy…I was not doing my “wifely” duties…needless to say …I’m divorced…from him and the rest of them…that’s called unnecessary expectations… especially since you have TWINS!!! I feel you need to reevaluate the situation…and find value in yourself. …YOU MATTER TOOO!!!
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No, you should split it anyway. You take one twin and he takes the other and make your plate with one kid plate and he makes his plate with one kid plate. They wouldn’t like me because I wouldn’t be nice about it. He is a grown man and I would let them and him know that and would be very clear about it.
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Did you explain to her where your from mom’s make the plates for the kids which is what you are doing and she is failing as a mother in your eyes 
cause she isn’t making his plate… maybe it time to have a talk with the hubby
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See what you’re doing here… Explaining yourself??? First off you do not have to have any reasons for this… Your kids need help and your husband needs a reality check. I love my husband with all my heart BUT let me tell you if that man can’t scoop some damn potato salad on his own plate while his mother was encouraging him to be a useless grownup who can’t do things independently just Like were trying to teach our kids I’m pretty sure I’d be filing for divorce and dropping him off at his mother’s and she could fix him whatever she wants … Luckily my husband would never expect this of anyone because he was raised to respect women and offer help not sit helpless …
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I always make my kids plates, then his and then mine. He does do his own at times if I’m busy but he has no problem getting his own. I do it cause I want to. But most times all plates are made and we sit down together to eat at the same time… btw my kids are all older and I still make their plates
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Oh heck no. If she thinks she can be a better wife/mother to him than you, he can move back in with her! She needs to butt out!
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Growing up, my Mom always made the kids plates, then my Dad’s, then her own. Some family’s make the Dad’s first, then the kids, while Mom makes her own last. After I married, I made my son’s first, then my husband’s, then my own. It all depends on your own family dynamic…your choice, YOUR family. Your mother-in-law is out of bounds!
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My husband would starve if it was up to me to make his plate. For the wives that do this, great. For the rest of us, awesome. I’d have no problem calling my MIL or anyone else out for that and laughing at it. Your marriage isn’t theirs and vise versa. If that’s worthy of a divorce then I’d say BYE! Your husband should be standing up for you and not just telling you something is being said. I’m guessing before kids you didn’t make his plate. My husband actually makes mine more times than not because I’m busy handling kids. It’s teamwork. Drown out the 1950s BS!! 
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Jeez I don’t cook, do laundry or clean up after my husband. He’s a grown ass man. If he can’t take care of himself, how’s he supposed to be a responsible parent. Your husband’s mother should have raised him better and taught him basic life skills. My boys by the age of 11 could work the washing machine and make a basic meal and clean up after themselves. There are no slaves in my house 
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He’s a grown ass man he can do it himself. If she’s so worried about it why doesn’t she do it 
.
If he didn’t tell her to mind her own business I’d suggest giving him back to her
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I’d tell her she should’ve done a better job raising her children if he, a grown ass man, cannot fix his own plate and to sit the F down
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All do respect… I make my husbands plate because I feel that is one way of showing him you care. Just like when he does something sweet for you that’s so little but can meen alot to the right person.
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That’s his mom’s problem that she has set herself so low. My mother in law praises my husband and cheers him on when he cooks and cleans for me or when he does something so simple as make my plate. 
Times have changed lady!! Get over yourself
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He’s a grown man. Screw his mom. Seems like he needs to go live in her basement so mommy can feed him and tend to him like the child he is 
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As stated before, he needs to let his mom know her place in his marriage. I will tell you this. I have 6 children, which all of them take turns on making dinner and serving us.(of course I am right there helping) They love it. I always tell my boys they will make wonderful husbands and father’s. It takes a village to raise children, and you should not feel bad at all about not making his plate. Wouldn’t it be nice if he made the kids plates? This is crazy, and girl I hope he confronts his mom and reminds her that you are his wife, not his server. Crazy. I should add 2 are grown and out on their own, raising their family. My oldest son cooks almost all the meals. My oldest daughter does the same and her fiance also cooks. Teamwork is important.
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My husband makes my plate sometimes I make his sometimes, we both make our sons plate, whoever hands are free at the time. This isn’t 1950! Tell his mom that she can make his plate 
if she’d like at their family functions and you will handle it however you guys handle it at home. ITS A PLATE OF FOOD LADY/INLAW! NOT ROCKET SCIENCE 
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Your duties as a wife do not include making a grown ass mans plate I’d divorce his parents and talk to him about why he isn’t taking up for you
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Remind her that this is 2021 and her son is fully capable of fixing his own plate. You are not his momma.
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Not married here, but regardless I make the kids plates first as well. They eat less first of all, 2nd they take longer to eat & 3rd sometimes I don’t know what my baby’s dad wants, the quantity of it, and so on. So yes, i serve the kids, wait for him to grab his own & then i’ll grab my plate. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
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I’m sorry but I actually laughed at this …hun slow down and take care of you and the kids …he is a big boy …if his mom doesnt like this tough you and him are good with it that’s all that matters …people should really worry about problems instead of inventing them…good luck hun just smile
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It’s disgusting they’re talking about you instead of helping. My husband works his ass off, as do I… and guess what if I’m busy he makes the plates… if he’s busy I make the plates. Our kids eat first at home and at cookouts all kids eat first. It’s teamwork and if your husband isn’t shutting them down then he’s also A problem.
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My grandmother and grandfather both would probably tell my husband to divorce me It’s one thing we all do in this family is serve our kids first, make our men an awesome plate and then serve ourselves! Its just the way we do things! But I would never let anyone tell me I need to make my man a plate or let anyone talk about what I should do! Again this is something that we take pride in not something we are forced to do!
I’d also like to add that it keeps a whole bunch of men out the damn kitchen from making mess or creating chaos
Also the men in our family also have no issue making their own plate and/or cooking!
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They disrespected you as a woman, wife and person. If your husband doesn’t stand up for you, cut the inlaws off. Save yourself the headache, heartache and pain from rude people. If your husband doesn’t understand your feelings, he is just as bad as his family. I say Good riddance! I may seem heartless but I have been there. I am happier now without them.
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I’ve been married 22 years and never make his plate. He prefers to make his own. Tell her to sod off out of your business!
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My husband is an adult. He makes his own plate. Hell, sometimes he makes mine! 
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It does not matter what you do. It sounds like she has never like you and is looking for a reason. I would not even humor this woman, and have your husband handle it.if he truly loves you.
I come from a Hispanic family line, and despite the culture. Sometimes I forget to serve a plate, so my husband gets it himself. No one lost their mind
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I hope he stuck up for you! I make my kids plates first but I also make my husbands before mine
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Oh honey I sorry. Next time your with that group before you go over there talk to your husband ask him to fix his own plate because he knows your a good mother to his children then when he has his plate fixed ask him to say out. Loud so they all can here Honey can I get your plate you are always so busy with the kids and I would like you to set with me and eat. You say oh thank you so much I would love to set with you. Leave it at that. I bet the older ladies deep down wish their husbands had been so conciterat. Explain to your husband and if he is in support of you you won’t have any problems honey I hope this help.
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Every couple must find their own rhythm. Is it important to him? Probably not. He should ALWAYS support his wife, you know, leave and cleave?? When I had children at home and worked full time, I cooked every night, I made sure the kids plates were taken care of. Today, I am retired, kids are gone, I fix hubby’s plate because it brings us joy. He fixes his own breakfast and lunch. After 9 pm, he gets me any thing I want from the kitchen. I thank God for him everyday.
My nan said this once to me in high school. We were all sitting down for dinner and she said go ahead and make your boyfriend a plate. I said he’s got two hands he can do it his damned self.
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Been married 12 years and have never “made his plate” lol that’s wild. That’s something my grandma would say. Times have changed sis. And you have twins?! Tell his mom if she wants to baby him she is more than welcome
to come over and make her son his “plate” lol. Sounds like you already have your hands full with enough children. You’re doing great! Don’t let her get to you. 
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Honestly, I make my husbands plate too. Not that I have to but it makes me happy to take care of him (same as he does things to care for me). I would wonder why his family is so comfortable talking about you to him… he must not be defending you and maybe he has that idea himself also. I would talk to the mother in law
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You are not a bad wife. He’s a grown a man. Those kids need you, maybe she should make his plate and do her job! That pisses me off
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He should be fixing at least one of the kids’ plate and helping. They are his responsibility too. He also needs to tell his mother to ‘shut up’. If he won’t, you need to go to counseling. My husband stands up for me with his family and I am so thankful.
Wow… my sweet husband usually makes mine and his own plate while I do the kids!!! Or we do our own and each have a kid’s plate as well… if your husband wants to act like a child and get his plate fixed like one he should get his mother to do so… and he should definitely stand up for you in front of his mother and show you the respect you deserve and make sure she does the same…
If you are tending to twin toddlers … which are her grandchildren …then his mama should be getting up off her butt and making your plate and her sons…she can’t hold you to a standard that she doesn’t hold herself to…good grief grandma lend a damn hand and keep ya mouth shut.
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My MIL said when we first met that she was watching to see if I made his plate too.
I made the kids first and then his and she approved of me at this point.
I don’t think it would have been grounds for a divorce, but i know it was important to her. You need to find out if it’s something your husband gives a crap about. Forget his mom, she sounds like a nightmare!
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Oh the next family gathering would be fun! I’d make so many snarky snide comments she’d be very uncomfortable
You’re husband also needs to grow a pair and tell mommy dearest to mind her own!
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I have always made my husband’s plate after my kids of course then I made mine. I do it out of respect not bc I have too or im made too but no your not obligated to do that. Hes grown he can do that for himself. Tell the in laws to mind their own life.
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I would probably get even & tell her you are getting a divorce because her son doesn’t do enough to help outvwith kids
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Fuck that he can get his own plate. Of course if he works real late I make his plate as he walks in the door to show love and that I care, as he does the same for me… But for the most part we make the kids’ plates together and then get our own
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That’s absolutely ridiculous. He is a grown man, not your mother. Your husband needs to stand up for you and if he doesn’t, have a firm talk with him. His family needs to stay out of it. It’s highly insulting for his family to suggest divorce over such a minor thing. Your husband’s family needs to learn to respect boundaries.
I do not make a plate, pick out his clothes or pack for a trip . He is an adult and is capable. I am not his mother.
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You surely don’t make his plate at home ??? So he should stand up for you at his Mum’s house
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F them lol id just talk to him. I make my husband’s plate like 95% of the time but thats because I like doing it. He doesn’t care about making his own plate. If hes OK with it then f what his family says. I cut my in laws off but more serious stuff. You don’t gotta deal with them at all tho especially if they tryna get your husband to divorce you
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He should take your side with this and he’s not crippled and hands not broken he can do for himself i don’t cook or fix my old man’s plate I take care of 5 toddlers and a 7 year old all day I feed them wash and clean everything after the kids he takes care of himself
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This just ticks me off. Your MIL probably makes plates for the men in her family thus expecting you to do the same. I did it for my ex husband because for me it was something I wanted to do. But he did the same for me when our daughter was still a baby. I once dated a guy and wanted to make him a plate at a barbecue at his parents house, then his mother stopped me and told me I am not married to her son so I don’t get to do it.
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My husband gets his own plate puts his own food in the plate and takes the plate into the sink!!! I’m not babying him he’s a grown adult. His mother must live in a fantasy world.
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My husband is native American and was raised by his grandmother. In his house, women and children are served first, then the elderly men, then the young men. My husband refuses to make his plate until everyone else has fixed theirs. He does this whether we are at home or as a guest at someone else’s house.
A grown man would not need his wife to make his plate. A grown man needs his wife to love him, uphold him, cheer him on, hold him to her standards, talk to him openly and support his dreams and efforts. And a grown woman should get all these same things from a man. Nothing about making a plate …
You carried and birthed yalls 2 babies, he should be making your plate. I’m sure she thinks it’s a respect thing (wife respects husband) so by her standards, that’s how it should be. You could also ask her why she didn’t teach her son how to make his own plate of food if it bothered her that damn bad. But for real, he’s grown and it’s literally a plate of food, it should not be expected of you to serve him like that.
Lmao! Only plate I make besides my own is my 6 yo granddaughter, and I’m teaching her how to do it herself. If you are taking care of the kids plates, your husband should be making his AND your plates, imo
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Shit my husband gets my plate and our kids plate all ready before I even know it. Husband and wife should be equal
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I usually make my husband’s plate at home … only because it’s just easier, BUT if we are at a function or big family dinner and I have kids to feed he can get it his self, it’s not like at home where you can lay all the plates out on the counter and fill them up at once ! Did he tell you what she said like… see you should be fixing my plate ! Or can you believe she said that ? Because if marriage is based on a damn plate of food not being plated , I’d send him to his moms and let her plate it for him .
Then what?? You will have to feed him with the fork and wipe his ass when hes done pooping??? Nah if he cant do this on his own bring him back to his mother she didnt raised him right… i so hate when the inlaws put their nose where it doesnt belong 
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I always just pick up everyone’s everything when I can. Bad habit. As far as making it, depends on who is wrangling what as to who is making plates for 5, keeping food hot etc. Guess I am lucky bc we tag team pretty good!
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Almost every family function we make our own plates. Sometimes he makes mine and I make his. It’s not expected from him tho but my family will always try to make me feel bad coz of this I just say if my husband don’t have a problem with it then screw everyone elses opinions
Geez your husband is lucky his isn’t married to me. Once my kids turned about 4 I didn’t even make their plates. I can’t believe anyone would notice whether you made his plate or not. His got arms he can make his own freakin plate. Good luck and stay strong
I couldn’t imagine a mother in law like this! Granted, I am extremely lucky with the MIL I have, she’s my best friend! But that’s why I say this… My MIL would tell her son to get off his hind end and HELP ME! I’d tell her where she can go and give my husband the option to take up for me or go ahead and get that divorce.
That sounds like their family’s cultural background. Perhaps he didn’t integrate you into that, so that’s why you’re shocked or confused about the expectation. Ultimately you do what works for you and him. If he isn’t communicating that you should do it to elevate the perception that you’re disrespecting him by not preparing for him, then he isn’t helping you much. Kind of like throwing you to the wolves of his family’s judgement if he is not letting you know what is expected of you when they’re around. He needs to either do that OR defend you. Not just fill you in about the shit talking, making you feel these feelings, without helping one way or another.
If it’s a BBQ or family dinner gathering then he should get his own. At home I’m sure it’s different and U do as it’s less ppl and not as much as a gathering/catch up environment.
I hope he’s checking his mother for suggesting To throw Ur marriage away on something so petty
He’s a fully functioning adult. He can make his own plate. Hell, he should be helping you make your children’s plates
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Maybe your husband should stand up for you. Your MIL shouldn’t get involved with your marriage over a plate. Sounds to me like, if your anything like me… either he says something or I will🤷♀️
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Lol he’s not disabled or 5 he doesn’t need a mommy anymore he can cut his own food and make his own plate. If he wasn’t taught to do basic tasks for survival as a child she failed as a parent and it’s not a spouses job to correct that. I’m all for teaching one to cook but if he can’t even make his own plate she failed so she’s showing how bad of a job she did.
I feel a conversation should be had. Try using a directing statement to keep things non-judgemental. I feel ____ , when you ____. I would like it if _____. If a certain situation has me feeling invalidated, I try to be curious instead. I would also set boundaries and if they can’t or won’t respect them just tell them " I need for our communication to be respectful, I would be willing to have this conversation at another time.’ You could even go further to ending the relationship if you feel that is best. I think after you’ve had the conversation you could create a pros and cons list of what the impact of ending the relationship is.
My husband and I have no gender roles in our household and both equally do what is needed in the house and sometimes carry the extra weight for the other when we can see each other having a hard time.
Perfect response to her next time… “Well bless your heart, I was unaware that he didn’t have a proper upbringing and was unable to fend for himself”
What year does mother in law think we’re in?! That man can get his own plate! Especially at family gatherings sense momma is usually busy keeping the kids in check & getting the kids plates together. And not making husbands plate is grounds for divorce in her opinion? Sounds like she needs to do some serious soul searching!
My husband helped make the kids plates while making his own as well. My kids do the same now, they make their kids plates, get them settled and then make their own. I have all boys and they don’t think twice about helping with them. I’m lucky I guess.
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If she’s that worried about her grown adult son not being made a plate, what’s stopping her?! Go for it. Make your son a plate while his wife feeds your grand kids and then her self.
Bye😘
In our house,when its my husbands work days I cook,fix both plates and we eat,however he also helps cook and clean on both off and work days. He doesnt complain,if he sees something that needs be done he does it,just like me and my mother n law(his mom lives with us)my husband will tell anybody,“my job as a dad and a father isn’t just to go to work and come home and seat on my butt to be waited on,my job is to go to work and help at home and thats what I do,some days she waits on me,and other days I wait on her and when I try to wait on my self on my work days she stops me and waits on me even when I ask or when I can do it because my job doesn’t just involve work and being lazy”,he tells everybody that and he defends me from his family if and when needed and I do the same to my family but it never happens with my family nor his.
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The in laws think wife is another word for slave/maid. You have your hands full with your kids,why isn’t he fixing you and the kids a plate? Its 2021 not 1820 whereby wife’s should just look after husbands
He is an adult. I don’t speak to several family members due to situations like this. There is nothing wrong with cutting ties. Explain the situation to him that while you will be backing away bc of it he does not have to do the same. He should respect you enough to not let that happen but people like to talk anyways…if its not about you fixing his plate itll be something else. People don’t realize that those kinds of comments and bad mouthing will hurt your self esteem. Do what you feel is best for yourself.
That’s just crazy and ridiculous! Your husband should defend you to her for that one. My fiancee does most of the cooking and does make my plate and I make his if I cook, but it doesn’t mean you’re not wife material because you don’t.
Haha she’d have made him divorce me by now
I never make my husband lunches during the week, dinners yet but he also cooks some nights too. Never would I make up a plate for him at a get together unless he was having to do something else and I was worries food would run out.
Your his wife not mother!! His a grown man and can do it himself. MIL needs to be put in her place
Pretty sure my husband knows what he wants to eat and how much more than I do
I wish a bitch would. Your kids plates come first if they’re not big enough for make their own. I make my husband’s sometimes, while I make my own. But let’s get this straight, he knows it’s because I love him and I’m not doing it because it’s “my job.”
I grew up watching my mom wait on my dad like that. Its something I refused to do. My husband knows what and how much he wants to eat so he makes his own. Its something that to me is demeaning, I’ve always hated it.
I work full time and will occasionally make my husbands plate (our kids are grown ass adults) out of kindness, not out of responsibility.
If I were a housewife…literally a stay at home mom… I may make my husband plate more often if I was already making my kids’ plate while he wrangled the kids. But if he’s just sitting on his ass, drinking beer with his buddies….naw boo, I’m handling these kids and their plates….you can feed yourself.
This is the 21st century and I removed the boot off my neck long ago.
I don’t see a reason for a divorce over it or to even cut them off in your life. I do however have 5 kids of my own, stay-at-home mom and I serve them first at dinner then make my husband’s plate and then make my own last. I only do it because he works long hours everyday and deserves to be served his dinner:woman_shrugging:t3: ****meanwhile by the time my plate is fixed and I’m ready to eat I can sit down and eat alone because everyone else is already finished and my husband has to keep an eye on them while I eat
I don’t make my husband’s plate or my 2 kids plates, they are all old enough, they each have 2 hands and a heart beat! You’re a WIFE, not a SERVANT!
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I think it might be something to just chuckle about and let go. My late mother-in-law told my husband I should be leaving a roll of toilet paper on the back of the tank, so that when he ran out, he wouldn’t have to bend over and pull a roll out of the drawer. And she was serious ! 
Nowadays equality is the best policy but you married into the family and that is just how their family works unfortunately.
Have a word with hubby and if he had no problem with it then dont get bothered by it huni
As a white woman who was in a serious relationship with a Mexican man I feel this one I didn’t know that was a standard practice for the Mexican community but I was shit on hard for it when I was around him. He demanded I make his plate for him in front of his family as a flex and I was so insulted I smiled and happily obliged to the demand by filling his plate to the absolute MAX capacity! Because it was also rude to take food and NOT eat it. I felt like it was a major “check mate” but in hindsight it was petty as hell. Had he just explained to me this was a custom of his culture before hand I would have just gotten the damn plate made for him without being told. But with 2 toddlers in your situation I’d go find his mother and stick her with the kids and announce you need to go make your husbands plate so she can watch her grandkids.
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If I ever tried to make my husbands plate he’d probably look at me funny.
Unless one of the children didn’t eat it and I gave it to him. He would rather make his own. He’s never once asked me to make him a plate. I would do if he ask but I have other mouths the feed.
It’s really not his moms business. However I would talk to your husband, is having his plate fixed by his wife very important to him? If so, perhaps he can help with the kids plates while you make yours and his.
Mine held her tongue (temporarily) she and his dad thought it was outrageous that HE made MY plate. 
He needs to be a man and put his foot down. She needs to stay out of your relationship OR out of your lives. Mine got the latter.
If his mums that bothered and thinks he needs mothering how about she fix him a plate same time your fixing your kids.