My in-laws constantly overstep their boundaries: Thoughts?

Hi! I’m a first-time mommy, and we live with my in-Laws. They usually try to overstep their boundaries like the GMA answering to mama or them trying to go over my word, but today I found out she’s trying to make my son walk. I was deeply hurt because that’s something my husband and I are supposed to do, and I told my hubby that, and he doesn’t get how much that hurt me. Am I right to feel this way, or is this something that’s no big deal?

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He’s not going to walk in a day. It’s a process. You can all work on it together.

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The whole family should share in those moments. Take all the help you can get.

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Work on it together as a family. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion. It will take months before he walks. God bless :revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

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How old is the baby?

You are not in the wrong to feel that way at all… I have inlaws that over step in every little thing pretty much. My opinion your husband should back you up and speak with his family about taking a step back

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you have every right to be upset, I would be too. I know how much it bugs me when my own mother makes the odd comment, so living day in day out with someone trying to take charge is wrong. sit her down and gently tell her how you’re feeling and hopefully she will back off a bit xx

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I’d be a bit more appreciative of having help most don’t have that privilege. Your lil one will not walk in hours nor a day I’m sure once you’re hm you can take over to show your lil one as well. Simply speak to your in laws you do live with her. I’m surprise of how many still live with their in laws yet complain about the smallest issues most would be grateful for.

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Be an adult. Move out.

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You live with them, it’s going to happen. If you are emotionally affected that much, use it as motivation to get into a better living situation so you don’t have the help you will desperately wish you once had.

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You are living with your enlaws…you obviously needed help. Except it. You don’t get to choose the help when you live with other people. Idc if you’re paying rent or whatever.
Move if you don’t like it!

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You have a right to feel that way. The solution is to move out. When you raise children in other people’s houses they have more say. My brother and his daughter recently moved in with me and he gets mad because he WILL NOT discipline his 8 year old in anyway. I do. She cut the whiskers off my kitten and ruined my hardwood floors (I rent so this is a huge deal). He also wont make her do chores. I do. He gets mad but won’t say anything because he knows I’ll kick him out.

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Get your own place, then you can set all the boundaries you want. As for the walking just tell her you appreciate all the help but you need to do these things with your child.

Move out if you don’t like it. Their house, their rules.

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This is a all around thing. You birthed. Him but family is able to be hands on. If u get this emotional over things like this is too much. And you’re gunna get butthurt a lot if u don’t open your mind and heart just a little bit more. Congratulations on your baby you have a village now to help and to love that baby seems normal to me for grams to live in them and want to help teach. If that’s a problem

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All of you live together and if she is watching and helping with him then she isn’t wrong for encouraging and helping him to walk. I’d be more upset with her going over what you say, but honestly your living in their house. If you don’t want or need the help then move out on your own.

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Us grand parents just want to love and help . Look at them lovingly too and it will be easier for you all.

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Husband should back you up. In-laws should realize they are the grandparents and not the parents, they need to step back because it is important with your first especially to see the first of everything. May be time to find your own place if you want boundaries in place

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It takes a village to raise a child. If he’s ready to walk then let whoever’s with him help him learn. It’s not about you it’s about the kid.

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There is no guarantee that a child takes their first steps in front of the parents, it will happen when it happens. If you really feel that uncomfortable with her and boundaries, why don’t you get your own place? Raising children is not necessarily a job for just the parents, many people would appreciate that they have a support system to help with the kids.

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You’re living in their house and I’m assuming they are watching your baby for you since they have alone time to teach him things like walking. Get over yourself. If it was a daycare keeping him they would be helping him learn milestones too.

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Aww so far as her addressing kids when they say mum. Be like I got it . And take care of whatever . If your busy doing something and they’re calling u and she’s free.seems like that’s just helping …

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Unless you address the issue with them, with your husband supporting you, they aren’t going to change.

Also, living with in-laws makes it hard to have boundaries, unless discussed beforehand which can be awkward.

My best advice would be to try to get a place of your own with your hubby asap.

They’re older and probably think they have more experience than you and don’t see an issue with answering to mama or teaching your son to walk — although I totally understand you and that would hurt my feelings too since, as parents, we wanna see babies “first” for everything.

Good luck!

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They probably just exited and stuff , they probably mean no harm just sit down and talk about it , and say I do t mind if all of us do it together but don’t over step me ! Ya know ,

It takes a village to raise a child, while living in their home take the support. Once you don’t live there you will miss it.

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You clearly depend on them to provide you accomodation

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Should they push him down if he were to start walking without you around? Geeze.

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If you truly want only you and dad to be the one hands on teaching your baby things then move out to your own place. Otherwise your inlaws are guna be hands on too. I think there should be boundaries and the grandma does not need to respond to mom, but teaching him how to walk shouldn’t be an issue. Everyone should help with his walking and motor skills not just u and dad.

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I dont know why people live with their in-laws/parents, then complain about “over-stepping”.

Get your own place. End of problem.

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You’re in their home so unless you put you big girl panties on and move out and look after your family, then you need ro be appreciative of having the other luxuries of living with ya in-laws

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If you don’t want anyone involved and everything bothers you then get your own place. You don’t know how lucky you are that your in laws let you live there and help with the baby. You seem very untitled and don’t have anything on your own

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I think the answering to mama is weird. Can be confusing for your child and the granny should have more sense than respond to mama.

Encouraging him to walk however is harmless.

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I totally understand where your coming from but for the walking id be greatful that she wants to help the little one learn… if you’re helping him/her as well then why would it bother you? Unless you’re guilty that you dont do any of what your Inlaw does… listen, she wants the best for your LO… id appreciate it… but for the responding to the mommy comand id talk to her about it…

My mother used to call herself mommy to my child it pissed me off after a bit but she wasn’t quite used to calling herself grandma but she doesn’t do it anymore

my baby started walking and crawling at my mother in laws when I was at work … regardless of who baby is around it’s gonna start walking whenever so you can’t really control that… as for the other issues, you’re going to have to suck it up because you live in her house orrrr mention your issues to her and make living together unbearable

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The momma thing is a bigger deal, honestly it doesn’t matter who teaches your kids things as long as we learn. Just say something to her.

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I wouldn’t be up set take every bit of help you can get cuz one day you wont have that but the calling her mama n over saying your say ya I be upset but be a woman n an sit her down dont put your husband in that position to have to choose between his wife and his mother… it’s wrong on so many levels

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Would you still feel the same if it were ypur own parents?

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Dont be scared to tell them something but also if you dont want anyone looking after your child get your own place

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If you don’t like it move your family out. Meanwhile talk to the GMA. Explain to her how you feel. Don’t expect hubby to understand. Every woman needs her own nest.

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Stand your ground or it will escalate as the kid gets older

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Being a first time mommy, I would want to be the one to teach my first baby how to walk.

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This is a hard one for me because I am a daycare provider and many babies have taken their first steps with me, said their first words to me and other milestones. I don’t think they are overstepping, she can see your child is trying and she is helping. It takes a village to raise a child. If you don’t want anyone else to see your childs first steps except you then you need to live on your own with your child and be a sahm. Otherwise there is a chance your baby will have a first milestone with grandparents, daycare, babysitter, dad or even a friend.

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Yes hubby should back you. You need to tell them it bothers you & how you feel. They can’t fix what they don’t know about. Hang in there. It’ll get easier. :slightly_smiling_face:

Your living in there house and helping with the baby, I don’t see a problem, my mother got 2/3 of my kids crawling and walking while I was at work, I was so grateful it was with her and not a stranger at daycare tbh

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I don’t know the age of your child and while your feelings are valid, you may be reading a little bit too much into the situation.
My husband answers to mom, i answer to dad, my mom has answered to both. Not because any of us are trying to take the others place but because when one of the kids call out our reaction is to see what they need.
I’m not sure what exactly they’re going behind your back on, but pick your battles. Some things are just not that big of a deal. When my grandma was watching my oldest I’d asked her not to just let him graze on food all day. Instead try to structure it a little more. She…kinda ignored me. It wasn’t a conscious malicious thing. Or a judgment on my parenting. It was just the easiest way to get him to eat. He was eating and it just wasn’t worth the fight.

As far as walking goes, that’s just being childish. Baby’s don’t walk in a day. It takes time to develop the skill, coordination, and confidence. Its not fair to YOUR CHILD to expect that skill to only be worked on by you and your husband when there’s other adults in the house willing and able to help.

I get it. Your a mom. You want your “moments” but sometimes demanding those moments and feeling so resentful will cause you to miss the enjoyment.

Pick your battles. If its a big issue discuss it, and back it with facts. If its a preference…discuss it but if its not followed don’t let it ruin the joy of your child and the fact that they have several people who love them.

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It takes a village. Enjoy your village and embrace it. Not everyone has one

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Thats the problem when you live with someone. They think they do as they please to Your kids ,pets etc. Move out will take care of it. Whats done is done. I think they didnt even THINK about what they where doing, trying to encourage baby to walk. Nothing You can do now, except hurt feelings. She will soon try to feed Your baby , get ready for that battle.

You need your own place

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I get it! I’d be upset too but honestly if they mean no harm and help out and are there for your baby then you should consider it a bonus. My nephew called my mom mom for a long time and my daughter we refer to my mom was grandma but she calls her mama but it’s cute because to me it sounds like she’s saying it with a Mexican accent it doesn’t bother me one bit. What bothers me is my MIL getting called grandma when she isn’t even one!!!

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MOVE OUT. Please! Or it will get worse. I know by experience.
That’s the only way you will solve it.
I wish I moved out when my mother did this to me. She ended up calling DCF on me and getting courts involved and made my motherhood hell all because she just “Didn’t agree with my parenting” and “Thought she knew mothering better” and “Wanted to help me.”

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Omg ungrateful brat. If they didn’t help you would be complaining about that.

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The momma thing is weird…

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Stand your ground and begin looking to live on your own

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You have every right to be upset defently overstepping especially the momma part .the poor kid is going to be confused about who to call momma …the best thing to do is move out untill then there is not much you can do …

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One thing i will tell you… my kids did 100% better when someone else was helping or teaching them. My 4 year old… we took all summer teaching her to ride her bike. Her Uncle shows up, 20 mins later he has her riding her bike ALONE!!! take a step back and watch the amazement in their eyes as they figure it out together. It takes a village. Appreciate them.

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My son used to call both my mother and I mama, and it bothered me and she said that hed grow out of it and learn the difference. Now he calls her Meemaw (out of no where he came up with it)and she HATES it but I love it :joy:. With the walking thing… it’s not like hes going to get up and run around immediately after his first step, it’s a learning process. My son just randomly started walking while I was at work, but it was only a few steps. I was there for almost every other step while he was learning, supporting your family means sometimes you miss stuff. as long as you’re not missing it all, pick your battles and let your baby be loved!

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Everyone being so harsh needs to relax. She’s asking for advice. Being a mother is challenging and this doesn’t mean she’s ungrateful or a brat or dumb. In-laws are difficult for lots of people for lots of reasons.
The best advice is to try and move out with just you and your family, it’s nice that they are a help, but if it is affecting your emotions negatively that is not helpful. A good mom is a happy mom, so stressing about your in-laws is not helping.

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My son calls my mom mommy all the time because i call her mom so he does. We correct him but he doesnt understand why i call her mom and he cant. Hes only 3. Honestly i understand about the walking thing but they are helping your baby learn. Are you actually helping and teaching your baby to walk? Maybe try talking with your in laws. Your not gonna make things better if you dont communicate with them.

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Get your own place ASAP. It’s never a good arrangement to live with family, we all need our own space to raise our children how we see fit and living with family makes that almost impossible.

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This is something every working mom has to come to terms with. I knew there was a good chance I wouldn’t be there the first time my kids walked. So to me it’s not that big of a deal. Grandma is just as excited for your child’s milestones as you are.

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Move out or continue with the co-parenting. It should just be embraced as some people don’t have the extra help, but if you don’t like something then find a nice way to say that’s not how you have things planned. Communication is the key to life.

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And as far as ur kids calling her mama. Just correct your child if u dont like it. Eventually your kid will figure it out. That part is just a stage.

I totally get wanting to be there for all of baby’s “firsts.” However, if you’re not able to be there 24/7, it is nice that you have a village to help your child reach those milestones. Grandma responding when lo is asking for you specifically, would definitely bother me, too. That’s something that you should address calmly and respectfully, it can be done. Overstepping is another one that warrants a discussion. However, having everyone in the household help your little one to walk/talk/grow is super beneficial. Would you rather your child be delayed in those skills if you’re not able to be there 24/7 to help? Babies do things on their own time, regardless of who’s around to see it, but there are a LOT of firsts coming, and you will most likely be there for at least some of them, if not all.

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I’m confused? So she’s trying to help him learn to walk and your mad? You can still teach him, she is just trying to help

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Sorry about other comment, I was answering on the microphone and at a restaurant with husband and talked and it put it on there!!! Sorry again. I meant just move!!! Sorry

Get your own place or get over it. A child can never have enough love and grandparents are especially important.

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It’s sooo hard when you live with the grand parents!!

Live on your own and you can do your own thing…

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I live with my in laws too with my five month old son and so haven’t even been thst long but recently my husband and I are discovering that unless it’s hurting the child it’s actually good them having that relationship with those they live with and if there is something you’d like to be the one to do with them you should communicate with them. I know thst I’m my case my mil doesn’t want to be mommy to my son she likes being grandma and my son knows I’m mommy and she is grandma and my son has days he only wants me to nurse and days he only wants me and days in between but honestly I love living with my in laws there’s so much help with the baby I don’t usually have to find a sitter but even with my parents too she’s most likely just being grandma remember she is just as proud of your kid as you are she just wants to be part of their life and it’s been very good for my son he is so social already

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Listen. Get your own place and quit living off people if you want to be respected. You are basically seen as a child to them still.

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If it’s so bad she’s trying to help your child walk you and your husband need to get a place of your own

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Her actions of responding to mama is going to make you hate everything she does. That needs to stop and hopefully the relationship can be salvaged because it does take a village to raise a child. But I would not live with someone who thinks that is ok.

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If you stay home with your baby you will see all the firsts

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My daughter (who is 8 now) would call my mom and my grandmothers ma or mom as well. Me and my mom knew who she was calling, even if we were in the same room. She eventually quit calling them ma or mom when she got older and started talking more.
My 3 y/o son calls my mom mom as well. Again we both know who he is calling. No big deal. He is still learning to talk.
As for the grandmother answering to mom, whenever she does so just correct her. Tell her that he is calling you and she is mamaw or something other. Stand your ground. I understamd why you feel the need to be there for every single first time this and that baby does. But you need to understand you are basically coparenting with the grandparents. You are living with them and they are helping you raise your child. If it is such a problem, move out. Get your own place. Otherwise you are just going to get ‘hurt’ more with all the help.

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She’s overstepping…period! I’d move out. It’s only going to continue and get worse.

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Get ur own place and you will decide when he walks or talks . U can’t have both ways . Living with your in laws does not work for most people

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The mama thing and going over your word would piss me off way more than trying to get him to walk!

her responding to mamma is over stepping, But trying to teach her to walk? Come on now. Thats a little much. Shes a grandparent shes supposed to help you

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Granted my husband and I have always lived on our own but having grandparents involved with things like that never bothered me.
I actually loved it because not only did my parents teach me how to walk but they also got help teach the next generation, their grandchild. Also, being a first time mom, I learned some stuff in the process.
Lol…our child is way past the baby stage and I still call my momma up for advice and tips.

We now live out of state from our parents (whom we miss terribly) and my husband and I have experienced new “firsts” that our parents aren’t able to share in and once you’re out on your own, you will too.

Good Luck.

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Even without our encouragement babies will learn learn to walk.

If your MIL is helping him with his/her balance then it’s almost a safety thing. So its best she does help your LO.

As for the being called mama. Thats just a norm for babies to call women mama.

I would maybe ask his Mom if she would like to be called GrandMommy?

My Grandma didn’t want to be called Grandma and preferred GrandMommy.

Move out? Lol only way you can set boundaries. Can’t really set them in their house. Doesn’t make ANY of that right but nothing you can really do. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I know he’s your first but I think you may be over reacting a little bit. But if you’re that bothered then move out. My daughter is 15 months old and calls me and both my mom and MIL, Mimi. Weathers she’s trying to say mommy or not I think it’s just what she thinks women are called, they grow up and understand better with age. And with the walking thing, she’s just trying to help him learn, walking will not be the only thing she’ll want to help with. Why don’t you guys try sitting across from each other and help him learn together.

I called my maternal grandma Ma until the day she died and I miss her to this day and she’s gone over 50 years

My mom responds to my son when he calls her mom. Because he hears that is what I call her.:woman_shrugging:. You feeling this way because it’s your in-laws and not your parents. Sounds a little petty. If it bothers you that much you should move out on your own. They aren’t hurting your baby.

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I learned from my babysitters what my son accomplished that day. I had to work so was not upset I didn’t see him first. Correct MIL with grandma not mama. When she oversteps what you have said tell her you will have to get childcare if she doesn’t abide by what you have told her. Making an assumption that you are working though.

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It doesn’t matter what anyone on this page thinks about how you feel. That’s YOUR baby. If my in-laws tried to over step me as my son’s mother they would not be around anymore. No one has the right. Even if it “takes a village” you are queen of that fucking village, you have every say when it comes to raising your baby. Stick up for yourself. Even if people think you’re a bitch for it, when you stick up for yourself people stop walking all over you. :woman_shrugging:t2: you don’t have to play nice with everybody

? Petty. If it’s that bad… move out!!!

Does she baby sit for you ,I would stop and move out ,since you think she is overstepping ,dont give her the opportunity to upset you ,move out that way you can raise and support your child yall self ,iam sure she is just trying to help and be a part of the child life

The mama thing should be corrected,

But the walking thing get over it.

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I think you are overreacting for sure. Both my kids called my grandma mama on and off . It’s normal. And for her trying to help him learn to walk? What’s wrong with that? Good for her for interacting with him instead of leaving him in a seat somewhere.

Wow – all these recent posts make me dread having daughter in laws

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My son loves my dad and I’ll let my dad work with him on letters and numbers etc. appreciate the help and like someone said earlier kids tend to pick up on things from other people a lot quicker. Idk why but it works. If they’re teaching good things to your child let them.

Its perfectly normal for tots to refer to the predominant female in their life as mom.i worked in childcare for a long time and saw and experienced this very often.make sure you are spending as much time as you can during these formative years. I respect that ot hurts,but i dont think shes doing anything wrg. In fact,she seems to be doing a lot to help

My mom always helped my son try to walk. I think that’s pretty common

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I didn’t live with my mom, but she babysat while I was at work. When are babies at an age where it’s about to walk, it’s normal for the people closest to it to help the baby try to walk. My mother did it when she was babysitting my son and the fact that you live with your mother-in-law means she’s around the baby all the time, helping the baby to walk is normal in my eyes

I get it. I would be highly sensitive too on the encroachment. Milestones are important. But there is a ton of research out there in regards to the fantastic developmental advantages for children with regard to grandparent participation. Try to see it from baby’s perspective. They have the opportunity to love many and be cared for by many. It’s a different way of family. And is a different perspective.

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I think the walking thing is petty. However I wouldn’t like my kids calling their grandmothers mama. I would just correct him if he says it. “No sweetie I’m mama, that’s grandma”. He’ll eventually catch on and hopefully MIL will too. Other than that, I don’t see a problem with them encouraging growth in your child’s development

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The mama thing is a bit much and honestly that would upset me more than the walking thing. Appreciate them for the help the are giving, but also set clear boundaries. Remember, it’s a learning curve for everyone. Be patient with yourself, your husband, and your in-laws. Everyone in this scenario wants what’s best for baby… it really really does take a village to raise a child.

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