My Mother-In-Law Comes Over Every Single Day & I'm Losing It: Advice?

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QUESTION:

"I am at my wit’s end with my mother-in-law. And I don’t know what to do anymore.

She is literally always around. I love her and I am glad she is here for me, my husband, and our kids, but she invites herself over all the time and my husband doesn’t see an issue with it. How do I handle this?

She is literally at our house every single day. Do I say something or just suck it up? I would like to have family time with just my husband and me without kids, but there she is. He is such a mama’s boy too, so that doesn’t help UGH!"

RELATED QUESTION: My In-Laws Constantly Overstep Their Boundaries: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“All the people that are saying you just be thankful. That’s not fair I’m sure you are thankful but that doesn’t mean you want her around everyday!!?! Especially on the weekdays. Like I’m sure you just want to relax from work or from him being at work and you want to spend some intimate time with him. I’m sure you barely get enough time with him alone considering you have kids. So 100% don’t feel bad for not wanting her there every day. I would set limits. Like maybe 2 days a week she comes over. Say ‘hey let’s make plans every Monday and Thursday, you come over, but the other nights I want to have a routine and have some private family time.’ There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Please be grateful that you have that. If she is not malicious or undermining you, then just be grateful lest you be left without her and realize that your children could have had so many more beautiful and fun memories with her… had YOU allowed it. For real. It may be annoying, but one day you won’t be getting that privilege any longer.”

“Ignore the people telling you to suck it up or get over it. Everyone deserves to have boundaries. It’s your house, your rules. The people trying to guilt-trip you for feeling this way should be ashamed.”

“I had my mother-in-law every day for dinner as she was on her own and lonely. It made her day to think that somebody wanted her and when she went she was sorely missed. Enjoy her and be thankful that she wants to spend time with you, because believe me you’ll miss her and so will your kids.”

"You don’t have to suck it up, you are not overreacting. She may be lonely or just loves being around you and her grandchildren. But if it’s becoming too much, speak up and set boundaries. Explain to her that you want alone time with your family but you’re not telling her she isn’t welcome. Maybe set up a time/day once a week where she comes over to hang out and eat a meal. Family can become unwanted house guests when it’s constant. Just be upfront and honest with her and be gentle, she may not realize she is overstepping…

… My MIL fought a BATTLE when it came to setting boundaries, but in the end, she understood and she is always welcome at our home, but she understands this is MY family and we like privacy. I make time for her to come visit because she is wanted and appreciated. We also will call randomly to make last-minute plans if she is free, and she honestly loves that we do the last minute things as well as making time for her once a week."

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

351 Likes
2

how long does she visit for ?

3

Like is she there all day?

4

How about just telling her you’d like alone time with your little family a few days a week. Pick your days and tell her the others she can come over whenever

5

Message her every day saying your busy… that would drive me crazy! My bf’s parents insist on seeing my son every single week and they are about 1.5 hours away and got upset bc MY son started his first year of soccer and MY son started pre-k. She was upset bc my son became busy even though I warned her about 1.5 months ago it was going to happen.

1 Like
6

Go for a walk when you know she is coming or plan grocery trips. You don’t have to be there. It may never change. My husband is a mommas boy but I am always put first. Start having friends or other family over.

4 Likes
7

Does your door have a lock? Use it- problem solved. Just because you are home you are not required to answer :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

8 Likes
8

Ask her to take the kids so you guys can have alone time.

2 Likes
9

Just say that it stressed you out, feeling like you have to entertain someone every day. Ask that she only come a couple designated days.

2 Likes
10

Tell her it won’t change on its own

3 Likes
11

Is she lonely ? She may just want to see the kids. How long does she stay . When the kids need to nap does she leave

3 Likes
12

Tell your husband to get his priorities in check.

9 Likes
13

Talk to HER about it.
We Love you, we DO want you around, some days we would like a little alone time. Don’t take this personal, again you ARE welcome, but I’m sure you would understand how it is to have your MIL at your home EVERY Day.

5 Likes
14

Good luck.:sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile: especially with him being a mamas boy

2 Likes
15

go her house wit kids and drive her nuts👍🏿

5 Likes
16

Set boundaries, and stick to them. It might blow up at first but you need to. I had to do the same it sucked at first but now things are good.

4 Likes
17

Well wish her covid then she’ll die and her kids wont have a 100% relationship with memaw.

Asshole. My mom died before i had kids, what i would love more than anything is my mom dropping by, unannounced 24/7.

Bitch.

18

Please be grateful that you have that. If she is not malicious or undermining you then just be grateful lest you be left without her and realize that your children could have had so many more beautiful and fun memories with her …had YOU allowed it. For real. It may be annoying but one day you won’t be getting that privilege any longer.

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19

All you can do is talk to your husband about how you feel. They don’t become mama boys over night, you knew this before marriage, it dosent usually change after. You can say something to her but if your husband likes her being there it could cause problems in your marriage. I’m really close to my mother and mother in law, I see one or both everyday. It dosent bother me at all. We have 4 kids and I love they have grandparents so invested in them. Some children don’t have any at all.

10 Likes
20

Have her actually help like with chores or running errands

2 Likes
21

If you can’t talk to your husband about stuff you shouldn’t be married.
There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to sit down with him and come up with a couple days a week where she’s not there

1 Like
22

I would have been so thankful. My kids are all grown now but I was fortunate to have my mother every day when the kids were little she has been gone 12 years now. And never had a mother inlaw that was involved. My husband adored my mom as much as I did. She was a blessing.

10 Likes
23

Ask her to call or text to make sure you can visit. If she shows up tell sorry but you’ve got plans see you later.

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24

You are absolutely allowed to say something. It is your home just as much as your husbands. You have every right to tell her she needs to ask before she visits and not be there every day. She does not live there and has her own home to stay at every day.

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25

She could be lonely…she spent her whole life raising your husband and now you don’t want her…do you ever visit her…everyday is a bit much ask does she want to take the children for a couple of hrs even to buy an Ice cream. Or invite her for dinner once in a while but remember there will come a day she won’t ever be there…

7 Likes
26

If you open your mouth you may not like the response from her or your husband if he is truly a mamas boy. Sit down. :woman_shrugging:.

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27

If she’s helpful, I would be all about it lol.

2 Likes
28

Be lucky you have that, mine lives 10min away and never visits or tries to be around my boys. So I know it might seem like to much but try talking to her Im sure she will understand

3 Likes
29

She may be lonely. She loves you and wants to be part of the family and experience her grands. Open your heart, let her in. You don’t have to entertain her. When you get tired go lie down. Appreciate her she won’t be around forever. :heart:

7 Likes
30

Sounds like Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond

5 Likes
31

I remember these days. I dont miss it either.

32

Suck it up. She’s old and lonely. My father in law is here everyday, multiple times a day. For the past 10 years. One day you will wake up and they won’t be there ever again.

8 Likes
33

Lock :clap: your :clap: door
and tell the kids y’all are playing the quiet game :wink:

6 Likes
34

I think you are over reacting and should be thankful for a her , she’s probably lonely and loves y’all so much give the anxiety a rest and let her enjoy y’all before she’s gone , when she’s gone you’ll miss her mark my word … be easy on her

11 Likes
820

Wow. Judgey much? You can set boundaries without being an ahole. EVERY day is too much.

35

Ummmmm!!! I don’t know!

36

Why don’t you leave the kids with her and go on date night?

4 Likes
37

Take the kids out when she comes over. Make plans. My mil and fil used to do this constantly and I like to sit in my pajamas and read when im not working. Thats not comfortable for me to have people just showing up. So I changed and took the kids out whenever they would show up. They’d be like “well we came to see the kids” well i have plans and im not canceling them. Please let me know in advance when youre coming and ill try and be available if its not too short notice" they started calling instead of just showing up.

For plans id take the kids swimming or to a friends house or the park. Whatever got them used to not having me available whenever they want.

10 Likes
38

Don’t be a bitch, one day it all will be the same but it’ll be you 65 yeRs old n see what happens. She’s like a piece of furniture, don’t mind her.

39

Consider yourself lucky. And appreciate everything she does for you and your family. She loves you all, and maybe she is lonely. :woman_shrugging:

1 Like
40

I had my mother in law everyday for dinner as she was on her own and lonely , it made her day to think that somebody wanted her and when she went she was sorely missed , enjoy her and be thankful that she wants to spend time with you because believe me you’ll miss her and so will your kids

14 Likes
41

Coming from somebody that felt like they were reliving Everybody Loves Raymond, you just have to define some boundaries. If there is a day that works for you to have a visit, set that time aside. I was really at the end of my rope for a bit but my children love having her so close and boundaries really helped. Talk to hubby! Good luck :heart:

2 Likes
42

Why not arrange for visit at her home? Let her enjoy her grandchildren. Maybr sleepovers at grandma’s place? Dinner at her place.

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43

Nahhh. Just be honest with her. Tell her maybe to come over every other day. Just try not to make it into a fight. She should understand.

44

suck it up buttercup

2 Likes
45

I’d leave… not him… not divorce… but when she shows up I’d go take a nap, go for a car ride, go shopping, take a hike, workout, go for a walk, etc.

6 Likes
46

Me and my BF are literally at my parents house daily. Neither of us would change a thing. He loves my parents and you never know how much longer you have with them. We do everything for them… haul their trash, cut their grass and weedeat, cook for them. I do their laundry and do as much cleaning as I can for them. We do anything we can to make their lives easier. We take vacations and we give them alone time but they say it’s just not the same without us there. The kids also spend a lot of time there… it is what it is. Depends on what you’re comfortable with.

9 Likes
47

You don’t have to suck it up, you are not overreacting. She may be lonely or just loves being around you and her grandchildren. But if it’s becoming too much, speak up and set boundaries. Explain to her that you want alone time with your family but your not telling her she isn’t welcome. Maybe set up a time/day once a week where she comes over to hang out and eat a meal. Family can become unwanted house guests when it’s constant. Just be up front and honest with her and be gentle, she may not realize she is overstepping.
My MIL fought a BATTLE when it came to setting boundaries, but in the end, she understood and she is always welcome at our home, but understands this is MY family and we like privacy. I make time for her to come visit because she is wanted and appreciated. We also will call randomly to make last minute plans if she is free, and she honestly loves that we do the last minute things as well as making time for her once a week.

12 Likes
48

I wish my mother in law cared about her grandkids like that!

11 Likes
49

Be grateful, because life is short. My kids don’t have grandparents, my parents are gone, his parents are gone. What I wouldn’t do for them to have them around every single day.

6 Likes
50

Once your mother in law quits going you’re going to wish she was there to help occupy the kids so you can rest, get things done, or just have family time.
Unless she’s there 8-12 hours a day I don’t see an issue. Maybe she’s lonely or maybe she just loves being around her grandkids :woman_shrugging:t2:

2 Likes
51

Ultimately its whatever makes you and your family happiest. I understand everyone saying to suck it up and that you should feel lucky she wants to be there, but imo aren’t being empathetic to you as a person.
If you want alone time with your family then you gotta be honest.
Every single day is over kill and believe me you aren’t horrible or a bad DIL if you want to limit how much you see her. Just be honest with your husband and with her and maybe set a schedule that she can come over and yall could go over there.
Maybe Tuesday and Thursday she comes over for fun activities with family and then maybe a dinner at her house or something.

3 Likes
52

You say something nicely and put your foot down.
My MIL put a major strain on my marriage. I ended up hating her as time went on.

5 Likes
53

This is tough. She’s probably lonely & enjoys being part of your family. She may think she’s helping. Maybe you can find groups for her to belong to? Or ask her to over a few times a week for grandma days?

54

Start making plans away from the house and when she shows up head out the door and let her know y’all have plans. Usher her out the door and lock it behind you, get in your car and leave.

4 Likes
55

Talk to your husband about it and get him to talk to her if you dont feel comfortable. Insist that she call or text before coming to make sure it’s a good time or have certain days of the week that she can come over?

3 Likes
56

Suck it up. My parents aren’t here all the time, but if they were and my husband said anything to them about it, I’d be livid.

4 Likes
57

Suggest maybe a day or overnight at her house so you and your husband can have a “date”.

1 Like
58

I don’t blame your husband for not seeing anything wrong with it. That’s his mother, They’re not going to be around forever. Poor woman!!!

7 Likes
59

Nothing is better than honesty and being upfront with everyone in your life. Get to the chase and keep it moving

60

Speak your Mind dont be a coward

1 Like
61

Every other day is a bit much but maybe 2 days week will be okay. It’s hard to parent when your parents are always around hovering over you. You’re adults now and don’t need y’all’s parents around 24/7 because you now your own kids and new priorities.you could even have over once week to be with the kids while you and your have a date night and another day is family dinner with her included. That way she can spend with her grandkids which gives you and your husband time alone together and then the other night you can all enjoy each other’s company with out feeling hovered over so y’all can live y’all’s life and she can find a life too. Just because she’s grandma doesn’t mean she can’t go out and enjoy a life without y’all. My grandparents didn’t hover over my parents or us and in my opinion we spent a pretty good amount of time with them. They still took vacations had parties went out and spent time with their friends.it is okay to want to just be with the family created. Everyone needs boundaries.

4 Likes
62

What if the shoe is on the other foot bet you couldn’t shut the door in your own moms face

6 Likes
63

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64

I understand because sometimes you just want to relax in your home without company. Regardless who it is. To say suck it up and be grateful is ridiculous. She has the right to feel however she wants in her home.

8 Likes
65

She doesn’t stay over night and she isn’t on an open ended ticket for a “visit”. I’ve been in the situation where my in-laws showed up without much warning with open ended tickets and stayed way way too long. I think I’d have to bite my tongue a bit about this situation… that having been said, perhaps speak to your husband and negotiate an every other day kind of thing or every 3 days kind of thing to work it down from every day. (But husband is going to have to step up and be the one to talk to her about it… sooooo good luck…)

66

It’s disgusting how many people think you should just “suck it up” or “be grateful.” Boundaries are SO important and no one has the right to ignore those. If her coming over daily is a problem for you, say something. Common courtesy dictates that she should be asking first; it is your house, not yours. You are not obligated to have her over daily. If it’s too much for you, it doesn’t matter if she is lonely or “might” die soon or whatever excuse anyone can come up with. Require her to schedule visits before coming over and if she just comes over unannounced don’t answer the door. I’m not at all saying cut her out or be nasty, but your nuclear family comes first. Your feelings matter and you aren’t wrong for wanting time alone with your nuclear family or that she is invited over before showing up. I find it incredibly disrespectful that she would just show up whenever she wants, what if you had plans, weren’t feeling social, felt sick, etc? Quality time with MIL would be better than you being annoyed by her daily, which could cause resentment in your relationship. You can absolutely love her and still want space from her. Set boundaries and stick with them.

10 Likes
67

How long does she stay? Maybe just leave and do something you want to do alone? Mine never came over so not sure what your situation is like.

68

Be thankful you have one that wants to be involved…not all of us are that lucky. :-1:

69

She’s probably lonely and likes being around the chaos of a young family. Things are so quiet for empty nesters. To make it easier on yourself, go to her house first, go for walks when she comes over, run some errands. Call and invite her for supper beforehand. Say things like “ I’ll see you at 6 for supper, But the kids go down at 8 so it’ll not be a late night “
There is always a diplomatic way around these things so no ones feelings are hurt. If your husbands a mamas boy like you said there is no “winning” this one. You’ll just have to manage it somehow. My ex’s mom was over often but we never minded. She spoiled us rotten. He was a mamas boy all the way so I just accepted it.

3 Likes
70

Set boundaries… Be honest and upfront… You dont want to harbor resentment towards him for not fixing something that he may not know bothers you so much…

3 Likes
71

So married to a mamas boy
Raising mamas boys
Be grateful

I would do anything to live in the same city

1 Like
72

Must be why she is too chicken. and has to post anonymously . Yeah I know can’t post on here without being anon. Guess if she doesn’t like it, she can take that opportunity to go shopping. Hope she remembers her attitude when her kids are married and don’t want her showing up all the time.

4 Likes
73

Just be glad she wants to be around my mother in law lives across the street and the only time my kids see her if they are outside at the same time and she waves. That’s it. She hasn’t spent time with them since 4th of july.

2 Likes
74

When she shows up, walk out of the bedroom wearing something that your husband is going to want to rip off with his teeth. She will get the hint.

2 Likes
75

My MIL was like this at first, then we ended up moving her in due to health issues
She passed away 2 years ago and miss her terribly and now feel so bad that I would get annoyed with her from time to time

5 Likes
76

Make a chocolate cake with x lax in it.

77

Darn if you do or dont say anything.would it be different if it was your own mother? Does she come to see you or her grandkids, help out? Maybe she wants to be involved ask her.

1 Like
78

Start inviting your mother/family over all the time. Show him how uncomfortable it is. He doesn’t seem to be getting it.

5 Likes
79

Draw some boundaries. I say that from experience. It will only get worse and lord help you if you divorce. I’m serious.

1 Like
80

Oh don’t be like that. Be grateful she’s around seriously. How were things when things were on lock down was she around then or was she not around for a couple to few months?

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81

I would be glad… my mom and MIL live less than an hour away and only sees our kids about 6 times a year. If that.

1 Like
82

Leave the house before she comes over, slowly everyone will get the memo

3 Likes
83

You’re lucky to have a mil

84

Be thankful for her love and interest. If you really want alone family time do a day trip without her occasionally.

1 Like
85

Deborah Barone wrote this lol.
Seriously though, tell her it is too much and you need time for just you and your husband and kids.

2 Likes
86

Send her w a list to the store grocery shopping.:joy::joy::joy::joy:

4 Likes
87

I literally deal with the same issue. I’m thankful for her but with my husband being so busy with 2 jobs, anytime I see him she’s there as well so I don’t get to spend quality time with him or really have “family time”. He needs to set boundaries with his mother. Don’t keep things bottled in because one day you will snap and it’s not going to be pretty (been there). I know your pain mama, just speak up and put your foot down if you want change

4 Likes
88

Nope. Lay it out for her. You’re entitled to your privacy.

Dealt with this myself. I almost had to call the cops on mine and have them give her a trespassing warning. I literally cannot be in the same room with her anymore because of what she did.

3 Likes
89

I stop in my daughters all the time, I’d be lost without her, when you say family, don’t you realize, you became apart of her family, Embrace it, isn’t this what you what you want with your children?

90

Should be thankful in my opinion. My in-laws legit live 1 street away and don’t come to see my kids ever unless they need something or it’s a holiday/birthday!

91

Tell her she can come over Monday Tuesday Wednesday and the rest of the week is yours. And she. Can have every other weekend

2 Likes
92

Ignore the people telling you to suck it up or get over it. Everyone deserves to have boundaries. It’s your house, your rules. The people trying to guilt trip you for feeling this way should be ashamed.

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93

Maybe take an outing outside of the house before she gets there??

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94

You need to tell your husband how it makes you feel and HE needs to be the one to talk to her about it. You come first, not his mommy.

6 Likes
95

Put her to work. If she is there have her help with laundry, do dishes, make meals, help clean up and organize the kids stuff.

Either she will stop coming over, or you will get extra help.

Win win either way.

7 Likes
96

Watch “everybody loves Raymond” get ideas

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97

I have a text or call before showing up unannounced policy. I won’t even open the door if family and friends haven’t called or text first.

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98

My MIL lives 2000km away and would love to have her around all the time… she was here the first two weeks my daughter was born and left last Tuesday and miss her so much… and tbh if she wouldn’t of been here I wouldn’t of been happy and I would honestly have ppd… she made our lives so much easier with a newborn even if it was just for two weeks

2 Likes
99

You can love your MIL and still need respect and boundaries. I don’t know why so many people are offended by this post. The MIL is being rude and disrespectful. A conversation needs to happen.

26 Likes