My in laws do not hand our baby back when we ask

Need some advice on how to handle my in laws not handing back the baby when I reach for her or ask? Recently I’ve noticed that when my husband’s family holds our daughter and I go to take her back or ask for her back they either won’t let her go or ignore me. I didn’t realize it at first but it’s happened a few times now and it really bothers me. What’s a good way to approach this without hurting feelings or coming across rude? Any other mamas experience this?

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Yes my In-Laws always did this. Especially my MIL’s Mother. It bothered me because everytime they’d come to visit it was a constant overstepping of boundaries and making unnecessary overload of comments on my baby’s looks always resembling her Dad or her Dad’s side of the family. I was always left out and pushed out of the picture when my baby was a still a little baby. For me I noticed when she was done holding my baby she would always pass her off to another family member (even the young kids) rather than giving her back to me. My PPD & PPA problems were at their highest back then so it was really stressful having people around all the time and taking my baby off my arms. They’re better now that my Daughter is walking, and refusing cuddles lol. All she wants to do is explore, so they don’t bother her or me much these days. Just be assertive and take your baby from their arms, even if they’re hesitant or resist just do it. They need to respect your title as Mum, you carried and pushed that baby out, it’s not their child, but yours. Hope things get better and good luck x

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws do not hand our baby back when we ask

Say something to your husband and let him know how you feel and that the next time it happens he needs to address it and if he doesn’t…tell them how it is, get your baby and let them know until they respect you they won’t see her anymore.
She’s your child and they should respect that.

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With it being in laws I think your husband needs to step up and kind of lead that conversation , " we know you all love the baby and we appreciate it and are so grateful but we have noticed that when we ask for her back you do not listen , please respect our wishes with baby or unfortunately we won’t be inclined to come around as much. "

Or simply ask they ignore and go grab her back .

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You walk up and take baby away from them. Simply say if you cannot respect me the child’s mother when asking for MY child back then you will not be allowed to hold the baby. 🤷 Speak up for yourself. Speak to your husband about the issue also.

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Let them people hold and love your baby. Smdh. It takes a village.

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Take the baby without asking

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Don’t give them the baby to hold anymore

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I lost my ever living shit and started screaming profanities. She never did it again. :woman_shrugging:t3:

They’re hurting and disrespecting you, but you’re worried about hurting their feelings and disrespecting them???
No. That is your child. Stand strong and say “i said, pass me my child!”

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what kinds of people have we become?

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When it comes to my kids I don’t care if I hurt feelings :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Stare them dead in the eyes and take your child back and dont say a thing

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Simply be an adult and assert that when you come to gather your child, they are to hand her over or you will simply not be joining in family gatherings anymore. Disrespect should be knocked down immediately.

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Don’t leave it to your husband. Girl, that is YOUR child. If they decide to ignore you, you walk up and take your child back. They don’t get to ignore you. And it shouldn’t be up to your husband. You have a voice and opinion. Use it. And if they can’t respect you, they don’t get to hold her or see her anymore :woman_shrugging:

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Be rude!! Don’t be afraid to hurt feelings!! It’ll only get worse if you don’t put a stop to it now or eventually they will start to make you feel like the bad guy when you need to get your baby for feeding/changing/napping or when you want to cuddle. Do not ever put up with someone not handing you your baby for any reason

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I wish I had that problem lol my parents past away and I’m sure it would have be like that with them and my kids. My baby’s other grandma barely liked to hold him. I’m sure if they didn’t at all then you would complain that they didn’t. I would let them love on the baby. The baby goes home with you.

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Let them love on the baby! You have her 24/7 stop being so stingy!

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You walk up and take your child.

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It’s your baby, why are you asking? Just reach out and pick her up. No permission needed.

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That is crazy ! The grandparents are not there every minute ! :cry:

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Ok lets go!! And grab the baby lol they being rude ignoring you and not giving her back when you ask

They won’t be around forever. Let them love on the baby while they’re here.

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I think you should embrace it :heart: it’s a huge blessing imo

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I wish I have that problem, let them people hold and love your baby. It’s a huge blessing💕

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“I wasn’t asking for you to give me the baby back. I’m telling you.”

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So is the baby in distress, dirty diaper etc or you just feel they held your daughter long enough?! Because if it’s the latter you’re being petty!!!

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Be persistent. If they ignore you repeat it louder

You pick your kid up turn around and walk away?

Not sure I understand the problem , I guess I would be super grateful that family loved my child . My mom and my in-laws act like my kids aren’t there .

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Is your anxiety driven up when someone holds your baby too long, especially of the baby starts crying?
Mine always did. And it’s perfectly normal and a natural response.
I would just mention that you get anxious and you’d like your baby back when asked, because when they withhold you get more anxious and makes the visit very negative and you want visits to always be positive for everyone involved.

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Don’t let them keep the child anymore. And tell them why.

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By walking over and taking your child from her hands lol … Cheeky

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Give it some thought. Do you NEED your child at that very moment because he needs to be changed or fed or are you just being petty. If it’s the latter, step back and let them enjoy their grandchild. If it’s because you need to do something for your child, then full speed ahead. No explanation needs to be given.

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Doesn’t sound like a problem to me…consider yourself lucky :heart:

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Do you live with them? I mean if not …. Let them enjoy their time with their grandchild. People don’t live forever and you have your child everyday…. Let them enjoy their time cuz you start acting like this wait until toddler years when you want them to babysit and need a break and they tell you to kick rocks because you were being possessive. Use your tribe while you have it….

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I only wish I had that problem. It like pulling eye teeth with one grand parent and the other is dead. Be thankful.

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All the people saying to be grateful :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: that is HER BABY. You have every freaking right to be upset. I would raise hell.

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Let them enjoy there time with baby and take that time to get a few min break arms free.

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Bunch of idiots on here :joy:

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Why are you asking for the baby back? IF care or feeding is needed ask them to help. Unless breastfeeding. Let them enjoy her and be thankful they are involved and care.

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My kids all grew up without any family around
How I wished we had someone to hold them… Cuddle with them and love them. The more love they get the better. Be greatful

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Let them enjoy the baby. :heart: and enjoy your break! I didn’t learn this until my third baby! :relaxed:

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What a problem to have. Someone loving your child is a blessing.

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Simply take the baby back and state if you can’t give him/ her back when asked, you can’t hold him/ her. They’ll get the point.

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I do the same when I visit my newborn niece when I’m at my sister’s she’s mine unless I’m fighting my daughter for her. Let them spend time with your child and get over it.

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By walking over and saying something like ‘I’ll take the baby now.’ No questions, answers or bullshit. Direct statement and action.

I would just take the baby out of their arms

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You tell them to give you your baby back or they won’t be holding that baby at all. The lack of boundaries with you ladies is astounding. It’s not the grandparents baby therefore if the actual parent demands their baby, you give them their baby. Sheesh. It’s not about who has enough time-it’s about a mother wanting her infant. If a mother wants her infant then you give her HER baby.

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Don’t worry about hurting feelings or being rude what they’re doing is unacceptable. I would be as mean about it as possible and tell them that since they don’t give the baby back when you want her they aren’t allowed to hold her anymore.

Take your baby back. Period.
“OmG let ThEm HoLd ThEm WiTh No BoUnDaRiEs”.
Fuck that. Your baby, your rules.

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Just take your baby back YOU DONT NEED TO ASK! if they have a problem with that they can kick rocks and blow bubbles!

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When I’m in town. I spend all the time I can holding or catering to my grandbabies

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Wow it’s crazy to me how many of you guys are justifying this disrespectfulness it doesn’t matter this mom is being disrespected because she is asking for her child back regardless from who it is from the child should go with the mom it doesn’t matter if she needs a babysitter years from now months from now days from now if she asked for her child her child should go back and these people in her life should respect the fact that she’s asking for her child back it wouldn’t be a problem if it didn’t bother her and it’s bothering her so they should be doing something about it because if you care about somebody and you say you love them and they’re voicing to you that something is bothering them especially when it comes to their children and you are blatantly disrespecting them and are ignoring them and not taking what they have to say into consideration then you are sorry and should not be holding that child or even be around that child because you are not a good example.

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YOU MADE THAT BABY!!! You take your baby back!! Hurt some feelings if you have too!! You are the momma what you say goes! He is the dad what he says goes!!! I don’t care what your reasoning is behind wanting your baby back that is your baby!!! STAND YOUR GROUND AND SET THOSE BOUNDARIES WITH PRIDE!!! If they can’t respect it then they don’t need to be holding your baby!!!

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Just take the baby back. It’s rude to keep baby away from parent so don’t worry about being rude

I feel like they’re already being rude by ignoring you, not respecting you as the parent. Yeah it’s great they’re involved, but that doesn’t give a pass to ignore you…it is your baby…

Take the baby from them. I get ppl are like enjoy the baby blah blah blah, but it’s ur baby. Let’s just hope they’re willing to hold the baby when ur want ur mommy kid free time lol

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Let them know that you need your child but when your finished they can have another turn with them. They are only little for a while. I let my in-laws hold our children as much as they want, minus nursing. They are in their 80s and won’t be around much longer in the grand scheme of things. My parents pasted before I had children so they never got to experience that. Each day is a gift with a loved one and the kids bring them so much joy.

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Say my arms are missing her I will have her back!

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Tell them it upsets you. They may not realize. Some older folks get excited about their grands maybe its misunderstanding. Seniors just know diff boundaries too sometimes parenting has changed alot since they were parents. I feel like diff moms might interpret this diff ways.

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I just take her back honestly. Or if I dont want to physically take her I state loudly “It’s time for baby to see mama”! Don’t listen to people saying get over it, it is your child. If your uncomfortable then its not okay.

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Reach out and take your baby back. Thats your child, you don’t have to ask

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Don’t worry about hurting feelings. That’s your baby! Take the baby back when you want your baby back. If they feel some type of way about it, maybe they’ll act differently next time you ask.

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Stop telling her to be thankful. It’s freaking disrespectful to keep a baby from the parent when they say give them back. It’s definitely a boundary issue. Also it’s not our business why she’s asking for HER baby back. That’s literally her child. Just because you’d let someone disrespect you doesn’t mean she has to. :roll_eyes: Ma’am tell them politely yet firmly that when you ask for your child to be returned to you that you are serious, it’s NOT a suggestion. If they get upset inform them of their initial disrespect to you and don’t let them bully you into feeling bad about it.

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It’s your babe, tell em to give your Babe back. Or take it. The parents choice and decision needs to be respected, f*#$ing period. For those of you who are gonna tear me apart- deal with this, then come back n talk to me.

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Hurt their feelings. You made that baby, you make the rules for that baby.

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Your baby your rules.

“Give me my baby” is plenty. If they don’t respect your boundaries they shouldn’t be around

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I would just take the baby. Simple. As. That.

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Say I need my baby back now and then just reach out and take your baby back!! You’re not asking, you’re telling!!

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Why hasn’t your husband spoken up for you and for your children?

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Take YOUR baby back straight from their arms they are hurting your feelings and disrespecting you so why be so worried about hurting their feelings. Much love :kissing_heart:

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My response would be along the lines of “look I don’t wanna be rude to you so please quit being rude and ignoring me when I ask for my child”… But I’m a blunt type of person. For someone who knows me they wouldn’t consider the comment rude

They need to respect you and your wishes. You shouldn’t have to ask twice. You ask and they don’t give, you reach in and take. That is your baby. Me being a grandma of 2 beautiful granddaughters, I always respect my daughters wishes. I didn’t give birth to them, I love them, but they belong to my daughter.

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How often do they get to spend time with your child? The child need care or you just want them back? Is there something the grandparent could assist with?
If you feel that strongly about it just say I want my child back now.

Take your baby back its your child take control

Take the baby and explain to them that if they continue to act as a toddler then they can’t hold the baby until they’re are grown enough to give you back your child when asked…

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Just firmly prize your baby out of their arms and try not to rip your baby out of their arms , they are being very thoughtless and rude . I know that’s a harsh thing to write but what if you like myself years ago had post natal depression/ disorder and didn’t like being separated from your baby even though you know your baby is safe and in your sight but I couldn’t have handled this

Gently grab your child while repeating yourself… and then don’t let them hold the baby again since they wanna be disrespectful

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You say,GIVE ME MY BABY BACK NOW!

How old is your baby girl?
You may be having Post Pardom Depression symptoms. It can kick your emotions straight into complete overdrive. If they need to give her to you for feeding purposes, I totally understand, and agree the issue must be addressed, but what could be wrong with these loving grandparents desiring to have a few more minutes with their brand new granddaughter? It probably seemed like forever for all of you waiting for her to get here. You are mom, always mom, and you nourish her, nurture her, and do basically all caring for her right now. I’m sure they only mean the best. Seems like they acknowledge your need for quiet and down time, moments that are crucial for recharging your batteries. Now it’s totally different, if y’all are living together, and you’re not getting to do what a mother must do because the situation, but if you don’t live in the same home, how could grabbing a hold of, and holding on to a couple more precious moments until your next visit, be a big issue?
Respectively :hugs:

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  1. Walk up to said family member
  2. Ask for baby back
  3. If they ignore you, say hi to baby and gently take baby from their arms.

If they’re going to ignore you, ignore them back and just take your kid.

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. They’ll get the hint that you mean what you say. If not, that’s a whole separate respect issue you’ll have to deal with. Good luck to you :heart:

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In nature other members of the herd are able to play and interact with the young but when the mother comes to gather they surrender and step back if they’re wise, nothing is fiercer than maternal protective instinct, display yours

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Get your baby back and don’t hand baby to them again or if they reach for baby say “NO THANK YOU” and walk away with your baby

F*ck their feelings. Tell them straight up they need to stop.

You say give me my damn baby back now and if they can’t respect that don’t let them have the baby. It’s your kid and you don’t owe anyone anything. People think that they can just get away with anything these days but put yourself and that baby first.

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Just take her out their arms, I hate when people do this.

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It depends. How often do they see this child? Is like 3-4 times a week or just a couple times a month kind of thing. Is this the grandparents first grandchild? Also consider it a blessing that you have close trusted family that wants to spend time and bond with the child, freeing you to be able to do stuff while y’all spend time with them.

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Pick your battles but I’d just reach and grab my kid lol

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I feel like there’s some underlying issue between you and your in-laws. I would use that time to relax or get something done, if it was interfering with the caring of your child, it seems your husband would speak up.

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Omg I will never give the baby at all omg what would I do to them about mines

Then they don’t get to hold baby. People who don’t hand baby back to the parents just in general are gross. Don’t feel bad, they are adults they should know better and if they don’t then they need to learn. There alot of people in here excusing disrespect bc of love, that’s not how love works. Parents make the rules and yes even grandparents need to follow them. Just take the baby back and if they try to fight back over it remind them this could be the last time they touch your child.

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Lol give me (child’s name) and of you keep it up your not gonna be able to hold her anymore sorry.

Don’t ask, just take her :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Take the baby…the baby is yours lol

I can’t answer this without being rude. I have no problem be getting my babies back from anyone. But everyone knows I’m the momma and for the ones that didn’t know how protective I am they found out quickly.

Tell them no when they try to take the baby from you . That every time you do when you need to take her back they don’t let you . So until they respect you the answer is NO.

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Not enough information?
That is your baby and Ultimately it is your choice.
That is true.
But I also feel like there can come a point where things like this become petty.
And ultimately if the pettiness takes over too much, it hurts you and your baby as much as it hurts them.
Do they actually notice you reaching for her? Are you saying “I want to take her back now” or are you saying something like “I can take her now”
If that’s the case it could be a lost in translation type of situation.
Are they just not handing her back the exact second you ask and a minute later? Or not at all? If it’s the first, give them a break.
That’s their grandchild who they’re enjoying spending time with. They’re not keeping her from you or trying to disrespect you. They’re probably just lost in being grandparents.

What are the circumstances of you trying to take her back? Like are you trying to take her to feed/change her? Are they doing something wrong? Or are you just sick of them holding her?
If it’s the later…my question would be why.
Do you have personal issues with them? Is it something else?

Do a little self-evaluation.
I’m not saying this as a criticism to you just that as others have mentioned…I do wonder if you may not be experiencing post partum anxiety.
That was one of the first clues for myself as well as a few other women I know. Being overly bothered by someone else holding/caring for baby…and there was no real reason.

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That’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t let them hold her.