It really isn’t fair but if I was going on trips without my son. I would just take my grandkids.
No cut them off all together
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Include them all! We have yours, mine and ours. They are all my grandchildren, and hopefully I treat them as such.
Honestly the older kids probably don’t want to be around them anyway
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I had the same problem!!
Don’t try and keep their biological grand child away from them it’ll hurt their grand child that’s been so close all this time . That be cruel .
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There are a lot of grandparents like that. My eldest nephew was treated like that . His younger brother she took but not him he wasn’t her blood. My brother in law did say things to his mother . It never changed.
Does your bonus child from your husband spend time with your kids paternal grandparents? Your answer is there. Let that woman love on her grandchild and you do something with your kids during that time.
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What about a relationship with their Paternal grandparents? Have the older kids go with them when the 5 yr old is with your husband’s parents. It a new relationship for the kids and the grandparents, maybe do more group gatherings till they develop a relationship/bond with the older kids. I am sure the older kids feel awkward with them as well.
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• I can most certainly see the situation from both ends, like her “bio grandchild” shouldn’t miss out on his personal time with her, for her to accommodate spending time with your other 2 children.
• HOWEVER, I also feel like at the same exact time, she’s an ADULT, so she can see the bigger picture, if she will actually take a look at it. • She should do the next right thing regarding CHILDREN, cause you shouldn’t have to bring an adult situation to your kids attention, & have them try to understand & process feelings regarding the treatment the grandma has towards them, cause it’s hard enough for adult’s to process & manage our feelings correctly, much less a child over a grown up situation.
• I hope this makes sense, cause I do see points I agree with on both sides.
• All I’m trying to say is, instead of expecting someone to put 100% or 0% efforts towards a situation, it would be MUCH better for every single person involved (in this specific situation) to give an equal amount of effort to meet in the middle, & everyone will be giving some loosing some, but it’ll be in an equal fair way.
• I’m not claiming that grandmother is wrong, nor you, cause to me there’s no “his, mine, & ours”, when you get married & have the family dynamic, it should instantly become OURS, or I honestly don’t see it working out in the long run, not when it involves innocent CHILDREN. 
• I just really don’t. 🤷♀️
• The ADULT needs to do the right thing, instead of doing what she’s doing to your kids, ESPECIALLY considering the fact you’re married to her son, this ain’t just a dating situation, so it SHOULD be about those children, & what kinda grandmother or any person period, would rather that you go explain an emotional type situation to innocent children, that they won’t fully understand, & honestly have no business even being taught about a situation such as this as a CHILD.
I feel like instead of the all or nothing ultimatum from you both, y’all should meet in the middle, & maybe just ask her to please consider just getting them so they can spend one weekend, or a couple nights in a row or apart over the course of like a month or so, like just at least spend time with them (your older 2 kids) & invite them places every so often.
** That way it’s involving the older kids, so they’re not completely left out to the side like trash no one wants, but at the same time, it’s not just completely taking away a good amount of time from the bio grandchild, cause it wouldn’t be fair to him after 5 years it’s been all about him, which I’m sure he looks forward to by now, for him to just get his time cut into more than half, cause he’s expected to share his Time with TWO other children, so he would go from getting 100% of grandma’s time for FIVE YEARS, to getting LESS than 1/2, to share it with 2 others.
(I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I did the best I could to explain it clearly, while not wanting it to seem as If I was 100% on side A nor side B, cause I feel as if life is all about COMPROMISING:clap:)
I hope the situation gets better, but most importantly I hope EVERYONE does what’s BEST for ALL 3 of the CHILDREN!!!
The bigger picture…look around at the many young adults today who are struggling with the rejection they encountered as children. Mothers and fathers not bonding, broken homes, shuffled from home to home, rejections from step-family members.
Of course, grandma is not going to feel the closeness to her step-grandchildren. However, if we are going to change what is happening in our world, we as adults need to suck it up and start making these kids feel wanted and loved, regardless of the situation.
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Don’t think that way. I’m sorry this is happening…. It’s tough
Life isn’t fair and people aren’t required to do anything to change that…this is actually a good lesson for you and your children, how you react to it is how you lead by example. If you react negatively that’s how your children will view it, if you react positive you’re teaching them acceptance and understanding. Sometimes things just aren’t the way you’d like and sometimes we don’t have to make it worse by trying to change it. Maybe plan different activities for the other 2.
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Been there sadly. It’s a problem when the kids notice too. I say all or none. That’s exactly what we did, they chose none 🤷
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Their relationship IS different no matter who likes it or not. That is their blood grandchild that they bonded with since birth. Your children are older & new to their family. & Noone has a right to demand all the children have the same relationship.
Yes the inlaws should certainly include your children in family functions & gift giving, & take opportunities to bond with your children, however, there is not the same bond between them & the children & that is something that takes time to acquire.
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If she can take 1 she can take love you dont pick between children 
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Coming from a blended family you absolutely can’t force anything. But no way in hell would my dad ever allow this to happen. It’s either all kids or no kids. This will put a divide between kids and feelings will be hurt.
Maybe do something as a family and invite the grandparents to join 2 years isn’t long enough for some people and you want everyone on neutral grounds.
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All or none. You are one family now. I came from a mixed parentage family, and we were all included.
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I hate this thought. My ex husband remarried, has a step son and two more kids. When my family sends gifts, we send to all the kids. This is Christmas or other holidays. My mother my twins computers bc of the pandemic and hot one for all the other kids(each) so all kids can do their school work.
For those saying if the bonus child doesn’t do things with the other kids paternal grandparents that’s just crazy. Why would the bonus child go to the bonus mom’s exes parents? If married then the bonus mom’s MATERNAL parents should most certainly include the bonus child.
(And my bonus child was included at my exes parents too, that was completely up to them)
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Nope. Cut them off. Do not “explain” anything to your kids because it shouldn’t be different. She’s choosing it to be that way and I would just say "Okay ive tried and you refuse since you can’t treat ALL the kids the same you don’t need to see any of them "
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Tell your older kids that the in laws are just ass holes and they are the ones missing out!
Put them on blast in front of the whole family at the next family gathering!!! No child should be hurt by their family
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dont let her take him. your other kids know they are not being treated right and will just cause hurt for them in the future.
This is sad and gross. My mom is driving 3 hrs round trip 2 times in 2 days so we can have a day and a half with my step daughter. She would do it for my son, and so she is doing it for my step daughter. Because they are kids and they should all be treated the same.
My mother in law has nothing to do with our son, but wants to be involved in all the other kids lives, and so. We cut her off. 
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Even if their bond is different with his kid, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be getting to know your children. You share a family together now and the in-laws need to accept it. If they don’t wanna take the time to include every child, I would make it a point that they get no child at all. They need to come correct of don’t come at all. YOU ARE NOT AN ASS. you just don’t put up with their bullying and favoritism. 
They don’t have to if they don’t want to. Sorry take them to their grandparents
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You can’t push anyone to love your kids or to be a part of their lives. The harder you push the farther away they go. Leave it alone. She obviously don’t want to have a bond with your children and you can’t make that happen. She only wants to be around her own grandchild and as selfish as that may be, that’s her prerogative. She is a shallow person that I’d keep my kids away from period. She’s probably one of those mother -in-law’s that doesn’t particularly care for you either so she’ll never accept your kids as part of her family. I’ve heard this type refer to the new wife’s kids as my son’s wife’s children instead of calling them all her grandkids. Like you said, just explain the relationship to your kids and that she is not their grandma and let them decide if they want a relationship with her. I would encourage them not to call her grandma though so she doesn’t hurt their feelings further by correcting them herself and witches like that will…
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Nope she wouldn’t be allowed to see any if she couldn’t include all of them.
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Different relationship & not because it’s right but bc you have already tried and nothing changed. Just talk to your kids.
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We come as a team or we don’t come/go.
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Personal experience as being your children as a child:
I would focus more on finding an age and emotionally appropriate way to explain to your children what’s up to reduce any self-blame/personal responsibility they feel for her choices. You’ve already brought it up to her therefore she’s aware, and I’d paint the White House WITH A TOOTHBRUSH before I’d try to bridge that gap personally again.
As long as they’re aware that SHE makes her own choices based on HER and they have no part in those choices, it will eventually work itself out and teach them that their choices are their responsibility as well. The amount of self-deprecating damage it would cause your children is absolutely NOT worth that half-assed relationship.
I hated being the “stepkid” and feeling alone/unwanted/unloved etc. and my sisters and I didn’t have our ‘dad’ nor his family in our lives as a backup plan. I didn’t understand but it taught me to be the opposite of those things for others.
And eventually I did learn that it was a ‘her’ problem and not a ‘me’ one, and I was able to forgive her and Let. It. Go. 
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Your husband should fix this!!
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It’s mean, but your kids are not their grandkids.
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Unfortunately you can’t control that and that’s his parents. So unless he says something, you’re kind of stuck. You have to choose to deal with it or not. At the end of the day his parents don’t have to accept you or your kids just because you married their son. They didn’t choose your relationship and you can’t force others to accept it.
She is the ass,sit kids down and explain she is not their Grandmother and thats her problem.Why is she getting every weekend at 5 yrs old,if wherehe is at school or sitter all week,then she is raising him with her outlook on life and making him her own, are his parents,you should spend time with him with the older kids so they can bond.
The best thing you can do is accept how it is and make sure you include everyone, including in-laws. Don’t let the kids feel or hear anything divisive, they have feelings and only through example you can teach everyone benevolence!
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Ok so I have to ask this… you are upset because your in-laws don’t include your children? Ones that have no blood connection to the in-laws as you said from a different relationship. I personally don’t see how you can expect them to build a connection with your children where they take them ect like their own grandchild. I think that is asking to much. Do you not have a connection with their paternal grandparents? Maybe you should have your children spend time with them and let your husbands child go with your in-laws. Now if at family functions they ostracized your kids that’s something I can see being upset about.
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Explain that the grandparents want to spend time with their grandchild. Try to arrange for your children to spend time with their own grandparents. The grandparents are not doing anything wrong and it is not fair for you to try and push your children on them
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Treat all my kids the same or don’t take any of them when you marry into a family tht child should be included regardless their children my family is blended and my in laws never leave my son f a previous relationship out, and my family never leaves out the girls my husband had f his previous relationship. It’s rude & childish children shouldn’t be punished for adult drama.
All these comments. 
They are married. Her kids are his kids/his kids are her kids and in turn are also included in the whole grandkids thing. I feel bad for the grandparents missing out on having some extra love and affection. Family isn’t blood. But I’d talk with your husband and see if he can talk to his parents and then explain to you kids together that it’s not them or what they’re doing . I’m sorry
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That’s just sad… I deal with this as well… with me being a bonus mom and Mimi…I NEVER MAKE A DIFFERENCE…THEY ARE ALL MINE… thankfully my in laws never made a difference but my mother did/does…breaks my heart… but I have and will NEVER make a difference with my bonus babies…
She doesn’t want to. Don’t force it, why’d you want someone to be around your kids who isn’t interested?
If I was mil I would tell you no and that I have a right to be close to my grandson without the guilt trip, why not take the two older kids to their bio grandmother?
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Stop letting the younger one go. Everyone, or no one.
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Nobody has to accept your kids. Quit going into relationships expecting their parents to accept your kids just because your with their son. They do not have to do anything for your kids.
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all these horrible comments about “not their blood or grandkids” is sad! Our grandparents loved any child like their own grandkids…what is wrong with showing any child love,blood or not! God people their are children n deserve love and attention too!
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I’d say to take it up to your husband… it is expected that you accept his as your own and don’t treat his any differently as he should accept yours as his own… and maybe he needs to talk to them and explain why t just like that… how is it ok for them to expect you to accept them or their grand baby as your own if they can’t do the same
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Family shouldn’t be based on blood. I’m disappointed with how many heartless people have commented on this post. You are part of the issue with the favoritism and making people not feel good enough for others. I couldn’t imagine not loving my bonus kids and grandchild like my own due to the lack of being blood related.
I recommend to have a heart to heart talk with your kids about what family is truly about and cut those toxic people out. I’ve done that with most of my dad’s family because I was adopted therefore didn’t matter. I noticed the same treatment and effort towards my kids with other family members and they’re cut out as well. It’s more peaceful that way.
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Why can’t yall do fun stuff with the older kids when the younger one is with grandma?
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Is your relationship with the in-laws close? How long have you been together / married? If it’s been a short time I mean they don’t have a really close relationship with them. Don’t force them to want to spend time together. If you have a great relationship with them it may be a bit weird. Why not all of you go out together someplace. Maybe they feel the kids wouldn’t want to go someplace with them. It feels like there is always a lot of things left out of these posts.
I wouldn’t push it. You can’t force it if they don’t want to.
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No you’re not in the wrong the way I look at it if she accepted you before you guys got married she should accept your kids as her own as well I know I would and if not and if your husband cared and cares for your kids he should be upset about it too if he’s taken on the dad roll to them and vice versa
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If she won’t include all the other kids that is awful!!! I would have to say NO most of the time!!!
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All the kiddos or none of the kiddos. Their feelings shouldn’t be hurt over adult actions.
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Don’t let her see any of the kids until she starts including them
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I really don’t understand y’all salty people with these comments, yall really must be trash ass human beings for those comments. Grandma knew of the 2 older ones and still only wants to be involved with youngest, so what its not blood? Those are her grandchildren whether she’s happy about it or not. Tell your husband to grab his bs and speak to his mother about this and if she can’t take equal part in all the kids lives she doesn’t need any of her grandchildren, thats just setting up bad blood with siblings and favoritism that will affect them for YEAAAARRSSS. So when your children get older and want nothing to do with you or your husband because of this, itll be your fault, so speak up now have husband speak up now and tell grandma dearest to suck a d if she can’t.
IS it worth it to make bad feelings ?
You have close minded in laws, I had in-laws like that nothing changed. I would not allow them to not treat them the same. Battle after battle, the kids won eventually. My kids did awesome
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It shouldn’t be different 
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Hmmmmm you can’t push your kids on someone else.
Your kids are not related to her… so technically she has no obligation to spend time with them. Sorry but that’s just the truth. She’s spending time with the his kids… because regardless of who he is with… that’s still her grandchild by blood.
I would not push it… because if she does not want them there your setting up to be ignored in their face.
You can’t force her…
Yes it is different… one is her grandchild that she loves and wants to spend time with… yours on the other hand are part of her son’s life and if and when you two seperate… those kids go with you as well.
And since that are telling you it’s either all the children or none…
One kid is his from a prior relationship for which you do not have that input to dictate if she can or can’t see him.
The other kids are yours from a prior relationship… so she’s technically obligated to see them.
I would say keep your kids occupied on those days the other child leaves so that the kids don’t have a sense that they are being left out and certainty dont talk about in front of them.
Kids feed of the feelings of adults.
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My mother in law took on 2 that were not my husbands kids treated them like they were her grand kids push the Issue
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Well I can tell u because I’ve had this happen. Sometimes the other family is problematic and make shit up on why they can’t do it for ur other kids or they have no bond because when u guys got together u didn’t bring the kids around enough. I dunno what to tell you other then a child who’s been in a family the whole time gets treated much differently then the ones who weren’t born in the family I had to literally stop letting people take my oldest two because my youngest 3 would be left behind all the time it’s not even worth the fight or the even thinking about why ur kids arnt good enough. Just have the inlaws come over to see them all at the same time orrrrr get them to take all the kids at once. My grama always had us all over there and there was 7 of us there really is no excuse to uninclude kids it excutally fucked up the inlaws need to step the fuck up
This makes me so mad! Kids should all be treated the same! When their son chose to be in a relationship with you that ment you and your children as your a package deal! I’m so sorry your older kids have to deal with hurtful people 
I hope that you and your husband can talk to them if they don’t I would be like either all the kids are included or none at all.
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I used to feel this. My oldest daughter was 5 when I met my partner she’s 18 now. Although his parents always bought her gifts at Christmas, her birthday etc they never really spent time with her and said things like “our one and only granddaughter”referring to my younger child - it bothered me more than it bothered her honestly. And her fathers parents also didn’t include her. They constantly were taking his brothers children and spending tons of time with him but she was never invited or included. They would gush over what his kids were doing but never heard them mention my daughter.
I’m just glad my parents always included her and made her feel loved and wanted because, it was hard on me as a mother to watch my child be excluded.
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If she can’t except the older children then the young one will lose out
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Nope. I’m about to have my husbands first baby and mils first grandbaby but if they treat my 1st kid any different when this baby arrives they won’t be allowed in my child’s life, they will be treated equal or they won’t be a part of our lives. Put your foot down.
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she is the adult here so she can see its going to upset them,your a family thats what familys do go out all together
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In my house you do for all or you do for none. And I also have an older stepson and make sure my parents know that he is to be included also or none of the kids are included. I am 100% against favoring one child over the other.
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Unfortunately some people agree with this and an opinion is just an opinion. Not everyone understands what family unity means. Not everyone will accept children. It’s sucks but it happens. As parents we have to decide whether or not we will move away from the situation or stay and support it. The negative response made it pretty clear. No child should have to feel left out and it seems the husband isn’t much help. I think that since she doesn’t have any children WITH him thats it’s safe to cut "losses’ and move on where the children are loved cause it isn’t here. MIL made that pretty clear. Family doesn’t apply in this scenario.
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Either she gets all kids or no kids. It’s not fair for the other two to see just the one getting special treatment. There’s 3 kids. So she can either include all 3, or not have any relationship with any of them.
I have 2 step-grands. They are treated as if they were mine. Blood does not make a family. Shame on her!
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Been dealing with this for over 6 years. We finally had enough and moved away from them. The worst part was as my step son got older he noticed it, and he stopped wanting to go around his grandparents. I hate this for you!! But what YOUR HUSBAND ALLOWS IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE. until HE puts his foot down, it will always be that way
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It is her loss, the kids just won’t have a relationship with her. Just don’t let the youngest rub their noses in it. Maybe if little one speaks up when she buys him something and not the older ones letting her know it hurts their feelings it might change?
I believe ALL the kids should be treated the SAME … You are NOT the "Ass " 
, You are a caring, loving Mom <3
I guess there are more horse’s asses in the world than there are horses. I would find something fun and special to do with your kids while the other kids are with their grandmother. If they ask, try to explain the difference in relationship, otherwise don’t. Just say it’s time for you to have special time. Take your kids to the zoo, take them out to eat, take them anywhere you can that’s fun and special just for you and them. Don’t plan trips there with the other kids. It’s just for your kids so they won’t feel left out. I’m sorry this is happening. Some people just don’t have any class.
Drop it. Your in-laws are just that. If they don’t want to spend time with a none bio child then they don’t have to…now if they invite you all somewhere that’s a different story.
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tell monster in law ,ALL OR NONE, dont back down
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Every situation is different. Personally I feel if they can’t treat ALL THE KIDS EQUALLY, then they shouldn’t have any of them. My 8 year old blessing (son) came from my 5 year abusive relationship. My boyfriend took him on as his own along with ALL his family. His bio dad isn’t in the picture. We’ve been together 3 years (we’re getting married in July) our daughter will be 1 next month. Our kids are treated the same unless people actually know (we don’t hide it) they think there both from my fiancé. Everyone has a different way of thinking I’d talk to your mother in law tell her how you feel then not push it see what happens.
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It takes time to adjust…
inlaws… can be interesting. his mother apparently isn’t willing to accept your children as a part of her family… how does her grandson feel about being “special”… does it bother him that his new siblings aren’t included? or does he act as if she’s his and not theirs too? … your mother in law is an adult and it’s unkind that she’s not welcoming your children into her family and accepting them as hers now too… talking with her about this… gently but firmly may help… you can try inviting her to participate with your entire family on family occasions and have your children participate in giving her “grandmother” gifts… with the kids – all 3 of them, i would teach them that being a family isn’t just about blood connections, but also about living together and learning to like, love and respect each other…
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No they treat all the children the same period if u do for one you do for all that’s bullshit to leave ur older kids out of the picture and she should feel real ashamed of herself for being such an Asshole to children who are innocent in the situation so if she wants to take trips she either needs to take them all or rotate weekends like u suggested period
That’s not her grandkids. Not trying to be mean or rude, but those kids are not related to her. I’d have them visit their grandparents and create a bond with their actual family.
You are not an ass she is
She has her own ideas. I doubt if she will change. I tried treating all of mine the same. But they called me a bitch behind my back. So I stopped treating them like mine. Because I made them do chores as well as my own.
I had this with my ex husband’s mom with the exception my son was her biological grandchild. She wouldn’t accept my son or love him because she hated me for taking her son aka “her husband” from her
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I honestly wouldn’t expect my in-laws to take my kid from another relationship. It’s not their responsibility. If your kids are older you should just tell them the truth. Also why don’t you and your husband do something with the other 2 when the in laws take the 5 year old?
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This irritates me so much. My ex bfs parents did the same. They would invite us over then not even give a thought to my two kids for my previous marriage! Ugh! People need to realize how that hurts kids feelings and realize that family is NOT JUST BLOOD!
Now for the trip part I might see that if you are not going or your husband but otherwise she should treat them the exact same!
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I have 5 “Bonus” grands and 1 grand, as I call it, from the womb. They are ALL my grands and I love all of them to pieces. And, I feel blessed that they love me in return. Kids are kids, it’s a shame that adults put labels and restrictions. It is not their fault things didn’t work out with their parents. Kids need to be loved❤. She is really missing out on the blessing.
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Let it go. This happens in blended families. My friend’s kids go with their dad and his parents took them to Disney. Her kid wuth her current hus and and his kids from previous marriage weren’t invluded. Tbey were jealous but understand the situation. They did bring all the kids gifts back. His kids from previous marriage dp separate activities as well.
Sad, my kids went through this with my mother in law!
She should treat them all the same or don’t allow her to see the grandchild
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Sometimes, we as adults forget what it’s like to be kids with big emotions. Can you take the time the other child is away with the in laws to spoil the other kids? I know the damage this causes emotionally.
Make it work in your favor if you can. Bonding time with you and the other kiddos maybe.
do not let any of them go. Treat them equal or have no relationship with any of them
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Let it go they are assholes for doing that. Just explain to your kids the relationship is different. Next time she takes the kid go do something special with the older ones
Everyone or no one and hubby needs to be on board or he can look at divorce again Get rid of the toxic mother in law period
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Shame on your in-laws , narrow minded
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My brother has a step son and I have a step daughter. My parents love spending time with my nephew and they would love to be able to meet and build a relationship with my step daughter (she lives out of state, even my in laws have never met her). I think it’s important to set the tone and be fair. The oldest kids may not biologically be their grandkids, but you are now their daughter in law and they need to accept everyone.
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She should except all the kids equally no matter what if she wants to be like that keep all the kids from her until she realizes
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The amount of people I see supporting the grandmother is genuinely pretty appalling. Shame that WHOLE ASS ADULTS can’t even get their shit together enough to treat all babies in the family equally. You don’t get to pick and choose favorites just because your son/daughter’s first marriage or whatever didn’t work out 
why is it the kid’s fault parents are split? Grandma has a LARGE stick up there and needs to realize she will loose ALL babies if she chooses to only include one. If not that, she may be leading her son to another divorce because clearly this momma hates seeing the other two not involved, rightfully so 
yikes