First of all first one sounds like controlling and manipulative. Baby’s dad isn’t even making an effort to see your children so why would you want that in your life either if he carnt turn up for his own flesh and blood how do you expect him to turn up for you ?
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Current guy? Run like the wind. He is abnormally controlling. You are not safe with him. Could you just be on your own with the kids for awhile? Your ex only looks good compared with new guy, not because he actually adds anything good to your life.
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Sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship. He’s trying to isolate you from friends and family and has major trust issues. That is not a good situation to be in. You need to leave regardless of if you get back with your kids dad or not.
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The isolation and control is concerning
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There is a saying about things happening gradually. Think of a frog. If you drop it into boiling water it will immediately jump out. If you put it in cool water and the heat gradually goes up it will slowly boil to death. This is no different. Once he isolates you from your support he will REALLY start to show how much control he has/ wants. I’ve been there. YOU DO NOT NEED EITHER OF THEM.
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You already know what you need to do so stop wasting time and do it!! No one needs a little insecure boy. Yes, I said boy cause Men don’t act that way.
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- Weed does help manage pain, sciatic pain can be absolutely unbearable. It was most likely the untreated “mental” issues that “changed him” not the weed. I’m glad he got the help he needed, and still enjoys a toke now and then. There’s no shame in smoking pot.
- You new man sounds controlling. You let him push your kids dad out of their lives. That’s shameful.
- You sound like you need to be alone for awhile to sort yourself out. It’s ok for it to be just you and your kids. It’s much better than exposing them to a toxic
relationship. You know it’s toxic or else you wouldn’t have brought it here. - Dump the guy you’re with, and no, leave the baby daddy alone too. Don’t be in such a rush to BE with someone.
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Neither of these guys is good for you. Don’t move with him. Then you’ll have Noone and he will have you under his thumb.
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Your in an abusive relationship. Controlling to that extreme is abuse. Maybe try being without a man and take care of you and the kids. Neither one sound like a good option. And sorry but your parents are not ok speaking like that. While I agree moving away with someone who is actively cutting you off from anyone but him is bad news. It is normal for kids to move away. I think you should get some counseling so you can see the amount of abuse you are being treated with. None of this is okay. Please leave BOTH “men” and be on your own for awhile.
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New man is controlling you, you should get out now! Don’t run back to your ex. Maybe be on your own for a while and figure you out before you add someone else into you and especially your children’s lives. You can do this!
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Oh goodness girl. First off. Your partner isn’t paranoid. He’s CONTROLLING. It’s toxic af and you need to leave. Second off: your parents are not ‘old fashioned’ they are assholes. Especially if they are going to disown you for moving away. That’s stupid. You SHOULD NOT move with this controlling guy you are with. He will take over your life and you are unhappy right now so why would things get better if you isolated yourself?? Your ex husband is trash because he isnt putting effort into your children and barely sees them. You need to get out of all this mess and ditch these people girl. This whole story is full of toxic people. It will eat you alive.
To me, it seems as if your current partner is a narcissist. Not sure if it truly does have to deal with past trauma of a situation he had dealt with. I would hope that if you stay with him you stand up for yourself and suggest he goes to therapy to address his issues and distrust in relationships. Your feelings toward your ex might be returning because of your relationship not being at 100 or maybe it’s because you never got the closure of such a tough situation because it seems like your current was manipulating the whole thing. I’m not here to say leave him, but I have been in similar relationships and I can tell you how your current partner is acting is only the beginning of what is worse to come. Those are all red flags.
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What you’ve said about your new guy puts lots of red flags up for me. Sounds potentially controlling and abusive
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I stopped reading at “I always have to leave my phone in sight where he can see it.” Bc it only gets worse from there.
My ex said all the same things. Woe was him! His 1st love cheated… yada yada. He nearly killed me w/my kids crying outside the bedroom door.
I can’t say this loud enough: YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE, CONTROLLING RLSHIP. That will steal or crush your children’s mother, and every part of who you are.
Break it off. Go back to your husband. If you don’t, one day as you cower on the bathroom floor, hands shaking as you try to dial 911, and he stands on the other side spewing obscenities and breaking down the door… you’ll remember this thread, and wish you had listened.
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You went from one bad relationship to another , try being by yourself with kids for awhile
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Yeah it sounds like you and your children need to be by yourself for awhile…its gonna be hard…maybe get some therapy for yourself. You can do this…please don’t leave with the man your with…he gets you completely to himself…its only going to get worse…you can do this for yourself and your babies…God Bless You
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Please don’t move away from your support circle. Believe me when I say you’re going to need them. This behaviour is not normal in a healthy loving relationship.
Your parents shouldn’t be dictating where you live…but maybe they see the type of man he is clearer than you and dont want you stuck miles away where they cant help you
You need to move. Cut ties with this man and learn to be happy alone before you jump into another toxic relationship.
Be with your children and make a good life for yourself and them.
Maybe in time their bio dad can be reintroduced into their lives but not as your partner until some time has passed and your sure its what you really want.
Learn to be strong , independent and happy alone then any relationship wont be out of loneliness
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Cannabis didn’t make him act different him having mental issues not treated did and if using the right cannabis strains it can actually help pain and mental health issues
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Firstly. That guy you’re dating needs to be cut. Believe me when I tell you, those are SERIOUS textbook red flags to a very abusive relationship. For the sake of your babies, CUT THAT OFF. ASAP.
As for the ex, that sounds like a little bit of bad blood spilt. He’s obviously going to be hurt on that for a while, and tbh if you guys got back together now it probably would not be the same. But, that doesn’t mean you guys couldn’t make that work out. I genuinely hope you leave the current guy, and find a piece of happiness and love. Wether that’s with someone else new, or the ex. Best of luck, sis
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The new guy needs to go, he’s controlling and doesn’t trust you. Take some time to work on yourself and make yourself the best you that you can be and then find yourself a partner.
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I lowkey think you should leave the current boyfriend and at least try to work at co parenting, I understand the dad may have not put max effort but it sounds like your current partner made that difficult for you too
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Nope nope nope…Run from this guy. Very dangerous .
Please just take some time without anyone new.
You are being controlled and you allowed your boyfriend to put a wedge between your kids and their father and no kids do not forget their father at that age after just a couple of months. You are with a abuser and it’s only a matter of time till he hits you. If you piss off this bloke then you should give the kids to their father that way they are safe and don’t have to watch the crap
Dump the current. Be single.
Hunny these are BIG RED FLAGS … no man who loves whole heartedly will ever rip you away from your family . He has to go he’s not good for your mental health, even if physically he’s doing you good deeds nothing compares to your mental state , your too grown for that mess, Very UNHEALTHY my dear wishing you all the best for you and your children
Non-judgemental? Mate, you sound like a fucking mess and need to leave both those men and work on you boo
Do not let this man take you away from your security circle. He is emotionally abusive and could very well end up becoming physically abusive. You don’t want your children growing up with this example of what a family should look like. You should take a break from both men and get your thoughts together. You’re stronger than you think!
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He wanted the kids dad gone because he’s your ex…hover over you and your phone…move from your security circle…lost a good friend you had for 10 years…and it hasn’t been a full year. Don’t put your kids through that.
Run.
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Get rid of the new guy. Learn to survive without a man until you are strong enough to care for your children. Then you will be ready to move on
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Just do you. You don’t need either men as partner/lover. You can be happy being you with friends you choose and family right there. Kick the current. Let the ex learn to be a great dad again. You deserve better
Do not move to this guy!! Red flags everywhere!!
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If your BF is controlling you now…its going to get worse if you move, you should never have to lose your circle of friends & family.
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Control freak…not a good thing. It took me 9 years, but I left the marriage after giving up so much. Life got so much better.
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Way to many red flags with the new guy. He can be great with your kid but he is also trying to cut you off from everyone who you are close to. If he is this way now it will only get worse. It will get really bad once everyone is gone and he feels like he has complete control. Yes it is going to suck for awhile. You and your babies need to leave.
Don’t dare move in with ur current partner. He’s got to much grown-up to yet do. More issues New one’s will slowly occur he’s way to controlling per. Listen to ur parents about the moving part also think about issues that could probably will come to be with parenting his style vs your’s especially if he doesn’t already have none. Take that in as a factor. U both have major issues with him being very controlling don’t think that’s part of him loving u it’s not big mistake if you do. Also if he’s already made you give up friendships with girlfriends or any friends guys including life’s to short ur well being kids including are should always come first not his pay attention also to unhealthy behaviors especially when it comes to guys like this I’m hearing so far in what ur saying nothing but red flags that u can’t see yet trust me with this. I have 22 year’s Worth and + experience in these kinds of things. I’m also hearing nothing but a selfish nark personally on his part.
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Just be with your children. Kick your new man to the curb he’s a control freak and it will just get worse . Learn to love yourself first !
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red flags - hes isolating you from everyone you know and your support network.
that controlling behaviour will just get worse, please think hard on your next move
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New guy needs to go very controlling doesnt matter how nice he is and how much he helped u bye bye and then sort yourself out on your own
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Major red flags.
Leave… date yourself/your kids
Start from that
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Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s not with the current guy.
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Trust is the number key in a relationship if one doesn’t have then what is the point I’m only saying that through experience but in saying that find out if he has been hurt in the past for has he been cheated on my partner kept accusing me of cheating in the end it turned out that he was cheated on I had to tell him that if he didn’t stop I would leave I was cheated on in my past marriage had to explain that the pain was like a love one dying I would never inflick that pain on anyone it hurt so bad he would also comment that I was only with him for the roof over my and my kids head His ex wife destroyed his home and I basically said that if I didn’t love him I wouldn’t be here the house is disgusting.I would try and find the root of the cause see if it can be fixed before making any formal decisions xx
Run now!!! Nothing good will come out of this relationship. Trust me. That suspicion will only grow and before you know what happened you’ll be beaten down.
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Your current partner sounds very controlling and is trying to cut you off from any sort of security of your own to have complete control. Run !!!
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If you move away from him it will be 10x worse!! You already said you know how it would end!! Learn to love yourself and focus on you and your kids, not a man!!!
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Get rid of the current asap! He’s a narcissist for sure and things will only get worse. He’s going to make it hard so I wouldn’t waste any time doing that. Then call your best friend back and fix that relationship. You need your friends more than you need a man. Work on yourself before you make any decisions about the ex.
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Oh my God get away from the guy you’re dating don’t put your children through that crap
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The new guy is trying to control you and alienate you from everyone. Been thru this and it’ll be a nightmare. It only gets worse. I couldn’t even get my hair done or go to the grocery store without a time limit.
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I didn’t finish reading but don’t move. Instead move him out and find a new man.
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Dump them both and start over. There are nice ones out there.
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Red flags. Run. Do not and I mean do NOT move with this man. Work the visitation out w ex husband and move in w your parents while you get back on your feet or rent a room somewhere. I am telling you this as a 33 yr old twice divorced woman.
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No nooooo that’s a sick relationship don’t do it all it’s only going to get worse.
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There is nothing that says you can’t end your current romantic relationship, coparent with your ex, and stay single while being a great mom. You can do it and take time before you make a decision. Let the soup simmer if you will. F your current boyfriend, that is abusive behavior in my opinion. And let your ex boyfriend and father of your children do what ever he is going to do without you seeing him in the capacity of a boyfriend. Because honestly we all change the lens through which we view a person when we start thinking romantically. Like “oh, that’s not a red flag, it’s a heart” so ya know just keep on being a great mama and take your time to establish your boundaries and only allow people who respect those boundaries to have access to your energy. You deserve this!
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NOOOO. LEAVE HIM. This nee guy sounds like a narcissist. alienating and being put to choose between your parents and you Is something serious !
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Do not continue dating the current guy. He is terrifyingly controlling. The ex is not what you want either. He abandoned his kids because he is angry with you. Be single for a while.
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This relationship has so many red flags.
Id get out of that! Don’t let yourself and children become victims.
Focus on you n kids.
I feel your parents are unhappy with your current guy hence the threat of being done if you move, they are fearful.
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Get on with ur life without both of them
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red flag! He sounds controlling. If you move, his relationship with your children will change very quickly and negatively. You deserve privacy and trust.
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I think you need to tell current partner to leave . Be single for a while . Let your ex back into your children’s life . Get back your friends and your freedom . This guy is controlling you and as others are saying it will only get worse . The more you give in the more he will take . Get out while you can .
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Leave . And be done with both of them, be single and work on yourself
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Leave. Don’t walk, run
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Stopped talking to a friend of 10 years? Don’t use your phone in a different room or stand how you want?? Don’t just walk run. There is more to this dude than “I’ve been cheated on” the ex well if he isn’t making efforts you need to suck it up pull up those big girl panties and find someone who will do all of the things for you that you need. Not take you away from people who have always had your back. BecUse then that opens doors for everything else
Red flags everywhere girl
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Listen to your gut . Trust is what all relationships are based on . I would break it off with the current guy . Stay single and find you ! Focus on the kids and you finding what you like about yourself and who you are now ! We all grow and change . Once your happy with you …. Then look at Pershing a relationship . Until you are good with you you will never have a successful relationship.
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That’s abuse. Red Flags all over there. LEAVE. He will get worse.
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Get out now! From one prison to another!
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Wow you love one messed up relationship to go to a even more messed up relationship this man is very controlling and psycho why would you leave one messed up relationship to go to I even bigger messed up relationship this man is crazy it starts off small like controlling you with the phone then it gets bigger and bigger and bigger you need out of that relationship or your so-called relationship because it’s not a relationship it’s him controlling you wow be careful with your kids with him
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I think starting over alone and just concentrating on yourself and your children until you are at a level in your life that you are happy with then find someone that can match you in life…not control you, not bring you down, just be amazing and supportive
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This new man is TOXIC!
Controlling…
You description in this post are narcissistic behaviour.
YOU need to get him out quickly so you and your children are safe…
Im sorry to hear your parents are manipulative and spiteful. Your new man sounds bad too.
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Okay there’s there’s few things in this statement that I’m going to put into perspective:
First being, the phone and insecurities. The way he thinks your being suspicious for just walking to another room with YOUR phone is just ridiculous the whole thing in fact is just ridiculous, sounds like to me that’s not because he’s been cheated on it sounds like he’s projecting. Sounds like he’s up to no good and so he’s projecting that onto hence the paranoia.
Secondly, DO NOT move because that’s what HE wants. You stated yourself if you move you loose your security net. So let’s put this into some light, imagine if you moved you loose you parents straight up, you loose the house your living in weather if your renting or you own the house thats yours, you’ve already lost good friends because of this guy now he wants you to leave your house, your parents and friends? What happens if things turn sour you can’t just go back to your house because it won’t be there, your parents are no longer there so in reality you’ll have barely anything or anyone to be able to rely on.
This sounds toxic, just because he treats the kids right and helps you doesn’t mean he’s not toxic, red flags in this whole statement girl
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I would not move he is throwing out a lot of red flags on being controlling, acting like that with you giving him no reason to is not an acceptable behavior. Having you give up friends, moving away that’s isolating you.
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Run, your new partner sounds like a narcissist, your previous partner sounds like he had Mental health conditions which you should have helped him with instead you left him to it.
Girl, if your daughter came to you and told you all of this what would you tell her? That shit isn’t right. It won’t get better, it’ll only get worse. I had an ex like that. I couldn’t close the bathroom door. If I brushed my teeth I was going to meet someone else. If I took my phone in the other room I was cheating on him. It got so bad that if I knocked the shampoo bottle off the side of the bath tub I was communicating with our neighbor. It ended when he decided to punch me in the back of the head. Why? Because I had decided I had enough and was leaving. I ended up going to the hospital and filing a police report. He got arrest, bailed out then jumped bail. Whatever you think you are holding on to is not worth it.
Do not move in with the new guy, DO NOT. Also don’t get back with the ex right away,if at all. You’re just feeling nostalgic right now about him probably because it’s not working outreally with the new guy. Leave both of them alone and be single a while and sort yourself out.
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Wait, you left you husband bc he smoke marijuana ? That is ridiculous. Maybe try not to be so close minded especially if it helped with his pain. Weed can not make you change into a totally different person. I don’t care what anyone says.
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Don’t move with your current. There is so many flags and they will just get worse.
Leave, and then work to make YOURSELF a whole, mentally healthy, independent person before you even consider a relationship with Anyone at all.
YOU are not ok, and your kids deserve a mentally and emotionally mature and healthy mother.
Please see a therapist and work on yourself.
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You shouldn’t have to justify yourself because of his emotional trust issues. If he can’t trust you to be on your phone by yourself then he doesn’t trust you! I have been cheated on as many others have been but I would never assume someone is cheating on me without proof. Being cheated on is not a excuse to want to constantly know who you are talking to.
He sounds pretty controlling… in no way should you move away from your family…think if you moved and you broke it off with him, you wouldn’t have your family.
Sounds like you want to work things out with your kids dad. If you where happier with him then this current partner go for it, life is short make the most of it
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Stay single for a while. Helped with me.
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Run,don’t walk,he is controlling you
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Get rid of both of them contact kids dad texting about visiting he has a right to visit they are half his Both men are a little kooky Find some one normal. Go slow if you find someone Don’t introduce to children for at least 6 months Go slow
I will have to pass on comment!
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nope don’t move away. He’s trying to isolate you and he is controlling.
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Please get rid of your current man, don’t move away from your family. Your not 100% and there is to many red flags.
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Yeah the new bf is super controlling. Yikes.
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RUN!!! He’s already controlling, you already know your more unhappy than happy & he doesn’t care at all that you’ll lose your support system if you move. Which is why he wants you to move… So you’ll have no one but him. Don’t move or things will get worse for you… Trust your gut & walk away while still can.
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Your current partner is such bad news. Controlling, isolating you. Follow your gut and end it.
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Leave him forever you can do much better. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and He’s a lame controlling throwing excuses to get stoned what a bum.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY:boom:
WHY Does it have to be One or the Other man… WHY Can’t it Just Be YOU and your kids…
WHY is there a Choice going on in your head…
LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE … NOT somebody else’s… CHOOSE YOU… 
Get your life together:slightly_smiling_face: Be happy with you…
heal, enjoy your children, learn, mature, spend time alone… then you will NOT be putting up with these situations, men etc…
You already know that that’s NOT Normal behavior… your walking on egg shells he is dictating your Life and your letting him…
ASK YOURSELF WHY… 
Are you not worthy of Trust, Love, Acceptance , Space, Friendships, Conversations… ???
It’s a Disaster & RED FLAGS FOR DAYS BUT
… It doesn’t matter at the end of the day what is wrong with him, ( that’s on him) find out what’s wrong with you… to accept that or to over look it etc… WHY IN THIS WORLD WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER MOVING IN AND BECOMING A PRISONER… 
Seek Counseling, Therapy, Friends, Your Parents, be honest with yourself number One , with your friends and family,
And 2nd most of all Your Parents, because they Love you more than ANYONE ON THIS EARTH 
.
If they are telling you that would practically disown you for doing that… then Listen they are saying out of PURE LOVE that it’s BAD!! and Not to do it… I’m sure they have insight and can see the Red Flags for miles…
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Run. This is the beginning of a very toxic relationship. He will be controlling everything. He has already started trying to isolate you from family and friends. Do NOT move in with him. Honestly if it were me I would cut all ties with him before getting any deeper. He is one of those guys that is going to probably give you a hard time leaving but it will be worth it in the end.
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Leave the guy you are with now that behavior gets worse
Run for the hills. So many red flags with current partner
Sounds to me like the new guy is a controlling psycho lol. Just saying what if all this niceness is to lure you away from everyone you know and who knows what will happen when you do that. He seems sketch. At the very least I would break it off with him and focus on myself and kids then see where my feelings lie with the ex once ties are cut with the bf. That way you will know if he is who you still want or if it was only because of the red flags of your current relationship. I feel like you know part of the answer to your question specifically if you should be in this relationship. Reread what you wrote.
Sounds like the next thing he will do is physically abuse u. That’s all the signs right there.
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No wonder your guy is insecure with you… you dont know what you want and it’s obvious af to him. It is not ok to drag anyone into that. You should’ve sorted your feelings before adding new ones now you’re double confused and bringing kids into it. You need to just be single with your kids you need to be alone and happy that’s how you’ll learn what you want out of a partner bc you won’t need them you’ll just want them for support, friendship, pleasure or whatever it is you desire.
Your current relationship is toxic. Where he may be good to your kids, it doesn’t sound like he is the best for you.
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You need to lose that man.
New guy needs to go. 100%. ASAP. Red flags everywhere. Will probably be uhly and take a restraining order - which will only reinforce that its the right decision. Stay close to family support for now at least. Stay cautious abt bio dad. Transparency is definitely needed with him, in order for there to be a chance. Get therapy for yourself. Your #1 job is to protect kiddos (especially from new guy). 
Run. But let me tell you. The kids will NEVER FORGET THEIR REAL DAD! You shouldn’t take that away from them leave it up to the courts.
Current partner in a narcissist and will destroy you. It’s already started. Ex is just a lose lose situation. Sounds like you need to forget dating and just focus on your kids. You can never go wrong by putting their needs first
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