My kid is stealing things, help!

My 9 year old child has been exhibiting signs that she may be stealing things or intend to for quite a while now. Its mostly from me.. hairbrushes and makeup and sometimes hiding things of other peoples but I never really thought it was intentional. She was caught last weekend stealing air pods from our of state family and also $10 from the babysitters child's piggy bank. WHAT DO I DO NOW? I had a family meeting with a power point going over a multitude of feelings, consequences, reasons etc. I confiscated all electronics and banished her to her bedroom. made her make verbal and written apologies.. I am SO embarrassed and disappointed. I'm waiting on a counselor to call me back but I don't know what to do with her.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kid is stealing things, help! - Mamas Uncut

Look into behavioral health therapy for her

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Scare her with a prison or police station visit.

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Maybe take the child most favour toys or console away until they understand that stealings wrong and they don’t like there stuff going missing so the child’s stuff will be missing until they snap out of it.
Hope you get it sorted xx

Is Mamas Uncut the same as The Mom Life? This was just posted verbatim on the other group… Anyway, if this is even a real question, this was my response over there.

Explaining to a child that theft is wrong through PowerPoint… I’m no child expert by any means but PowerPoint just doesn’t seem like the best method. I don’t know for sure what I would do but I doubt my child would have anything other than a bed, blanket, and pillow. You want to be a thief, get used to the prison life now. No tv, unless you want to be out in the living room watching my show. I’ll hand you your clothes for the day. If the child cannot comprehend why stealing is wrong, maybe they can understand the undesirable effect of consequences.

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My daughter went through the same thing when she was about that same age, I punished her every time I caught her, good news is, she did grow out of it, just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re a good mom!

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I would definitely consider therapy.

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You gave a PowerPoint presentation to a kid? Lol

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Bust her butt that is what is wrong with this world you all don’t spank your child

Take away everything she owns…and let her win them back…EVERYTHING…EVEN BED CLOTHS

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As a mama of an ADHD & ODD child you have to be able to get on their level. You have to be open and understanding while implementing punishments. I learned though “training” the time must fit the crime. Also, you need to have an open communication with her. She may have something going on she is scared to talk to you about.

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My mom called the police and made them take me to sit in jail for an hour to teach me a lesson after she caught me stealing. That was 25 years ago though so I don’t know if that’s still something police do (they did do it to me that one time)

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Introduce her to the police and how that works. Nip it in the butt now for sure

Talk her about WHY and come up with a plan about how to stop. One easy fix could be if they’re stealing because they want that stuff: come up with a plan to do chores or simple jobs to be paid for: tie in business and money management and how to save for said item. Is it attention they want? Come up with a plan for how and when to indicate that they need extra loving etc.

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There is a juvenile detention center, aka kid jail. Let her know I’d she doesn’t stop then the police will be called and she can spend some time in there. She will have no control over when she gets meals, showers, no bathroom privacy, bedtime, lights automatically go out, etc.
There is also a juvenile boot camp for kids that act out and are disrespectful. Maybe that will open her eyes.

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My daughter same age does the same thing. I need advice

It’s called a good old fashion butt whipping.

Have you tried going to church and teaching her the 10 commandments. Also make her physically return everything she stole from from each person, and apologize to them.

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Stealing is often a sign that they’re feeling " left out " . She steals personal items of yours . Take her out for a bit of you and her time and talk to her . You’re not rewarding her behaviour but you need her to open up to you away from family etc . She needs ALL your attention for this to happen .

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I went through a stealing phase when I was a kid.
I learned my lesson when my mom and dad made me take it back and apologize. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t do it anymore.

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Making/forcing kids do stuff (like apologize) bc of mistakes without explaining why they shouldn’t do it and getting them to empathize just teaches them to pretend/act/do-tell ppl what they want to hear. Not saying that’s the case here. Just throwing it out there…

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Also, a PowerPoint on this for a 9 year old…?

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You r daughters not your employee lol

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I had that problem as a kid, and now that I’m grown I realize it was because many of my emotional needs were not being met, and so I tried to fend for myself with physical objects and money. So I say figure out why she feels the need to steal. What in her life does she feel is missing? No one steals when all their needs are met unless they have cleptomania. Which is a real thing too so if all else fails watch out for that.

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A power point? Really? That is your child. Be personal with them. They aren’t at school or work.

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Sometimes once this behavior starts it doesn’t matter if you continue to take away their stuff or ground them they will continue to do it… Something is making her make this decisions or maybe she is acting out on something. We want our children to learn to trust us not turn away from us. Not sure your relationship with your daughter but she may be calling out for attention.

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Maybe its a cry for attention by doing what she is she is getting your attention

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Has she said why she’s stealing things? My brother has kleptomania, it started around 7 and there’s no actual “reason” why he takes things, I’d maybe look into therapy!

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Give her a job and have her earn money to buy the things she wants. Show her the alternative. She wants something, set it as a goal. Life lessons. I have two boys with adhd. One 18 and one 16. I went through this with my oldest. I showed him the alternative and now he works hard with his full time job. Also takes any odd jobs he can for extra cash.

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When my child stole , I took his lil butt right back up there made him apologize and asked for them to give him enough work to pay for what was stolen . The owner was quite shocked I had asked , but he gave him enough to do to pay for it.And yes I still made him return the item even though it was covered. He learned a valuable lesson that day , the other boys just got a whooping and still continued to steal.

Have you asked her why she takes the things she does?? I’d start there??

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How about not treating your child like an employee, a power point seriously, try talking to her like she is your daughter, share personal experiences from your childhood.

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Have you talked to her about why she’s doing this

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Banishment and a power point??? What the…… How about sitting down face to face and talking…or more importantly LISTENING.

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Time for Some Good Old Fashioned " Tough Love" & Scare Her Straight…Find You a Few Police Friends & Have them Arrest her & put her through the Process…As If the Person’s she has Stolen from have Pressed Charges Against her…& Teach her a Lesson the Hard Way…

Or There’s always Therapy :woman_shrugging:

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Empty her room minus the necessities and make her slowly earn her stuff back. If she has 15 things back and steals it all gets taken away again

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It’s your kid bust her a** take what she likes most n explain why ur doing it that’s what’s wrong now days I’m not saying to beat your kid but let her know ur serious obviously it’s became a huge issue so I would deff react fast before it goes any further. When I was around the same age a little younger I stole a pack of nerds n my dad made me take it back to where I stole it from n made me work for the money to even pay them back so there is many diff ways you could approach this!!

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Banished her to a bedroom? I think you need to sit down and talk to her.

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I think you’ve already done enough

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Do a scare tactic and have an officer come to your home the next time she does it n scare her. Gotta nip it in the butt ASAP.

When I stole things as I child, My mom realized and she made me go take the things back into the store and personally return them. I had to apologize and everything. I was so embarrassed that I never did it again.

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Banished to her room? Power points? You’re a damn drill Sargent and that’s probably part to do with it. Try sitting down and TALKING to your child. It goes further. Their may be a reason she’s stealing

It sounds more emotional to me than anything. Some people act out as a way of relieving stress in their lives, including children.Punishing or treating her like an adult is only going to increase stress and she won’t open up.Im guessing she’s feeling a sense of powerlessness in her life and it may help to empower her by letting her discuss her feelings in a non judgemental way with no fear of punishment. We all own our personal feelings.

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Call the police to scare the shit out of her

It sounds like now that you’re aware you’re making her accountable. And you’ve contacted a counselor. Good on you Mom, this is Parenting :+1:t3::+1:t3:

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There is a cause is behind the behavior, you need to find out what that is. I think definitely talking to a counselor or a therapist would help

Maybe instead of making it like a business meeting…actually sit and have a heart to heart talk. I did the same thing around that age. It started when i was only given $20 to go to book fair and everyone in my class kept bragging how their parents came with them and bought them $50 or more in stuff or flashing their money…which had more than me. I had the least amount,so tried to steal a couple books from the book fair to make it look like i had as much money and got caught. I ended up cleaning the library after school for a week and me and the librarian sort of bonded when did that. There is a reason she is doing it. Probably jealous has less than others or something or kids bragging at school about stuff she doesnt have.Church also helped me stop. Seeing Thou Shalt Not Steal on the wall in the kids room 10 Commandments poster. It made me reform so i could be someone God would be proud of. Make her give the money and toys back and apologize and then get her to go around doing something for people less fortunate…Some type of community service such as carrying in groceries for an elderly neighbor or raking leaves or taking cookies to a neighbor’s house…or even donating toys and clothes to less fortunate in neighborhood…so she can see doesnt have it so bad. That it could be worse.

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She’s may be stealing in protest because you sound to be domineering. Banishment and PowerPoint sounds controlling🤷‍♂️

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You should try and actually talk to her and acting like a mom and not her boss!!!

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A power point? Seriously? Why not just sit down and talk to her. Ask her why she’s doing it. Communication is key with kids. Also negative attention is still attention.

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We just went through this! Everything was taken out of her room except books. She was allowed to come out for food and bathroom. He had to earn everything back. Plus her grandparents and aunts had stern talkings to her. We almost have the sheriff come out to pretend take her (family friend). She finally understood the value of things and how to earn money instead of taking or stealing.

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Um, so how long has this gone on before you got embarrassed and then decided to do something? So, now you are parenting out of embarrassment not out of right verses wrong?!? :woman_shrugging: she is old enough to know taking someone’s things without asking is wrong… so yes each time was intentional! As for everyone rooting for the child to go to counseling, is that what we do now? Like your kiddos are the problem not the parents? Like no mom you go to counseling, enroll into parenting classes and learn how to discipline your child! Each child is different and you are failing her miserably! Then you are calling a counselor to “fix” her, because you allowed this continue giving her excuses… before counseling and the fact you just began to deal with this, you should see if there is a change in behavior… it’s not going to happen, you’ll need to remain consistent… as for those wanting spanking, it’s not that simple giving the age of the child, nor will it do good! As for those wanting scared straight, maybe you should root for mom and dad to partake in that so they can see if that’s what they want their child to endure! When have we as parents gotten soft on children…
Now she has apologized and you made her own up, that’s enough for the first time punishing her! Explain how trust once broken is lost and one has to re-earn trust. Explain how you expect her to re-earn your trust and set CLEAR expectations

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Stealing is not okay, but neither is abuse. Humiliation is abuse. To continue to punish her by apologizing over and over is humiliation. Take her to a police station and let them let her know what happens when you steal. Do not put your embarrassed self ego in front of your child. A power point come on.

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Power point? Talk to her! Spend time with her, bust her ass next time! Taking things away when you don’t know whats happening in her head, confusing, makes one want to steal, but not get caught.

This child needs therapy not punishment. There’s a reason she’s doing this.

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My son went through this too… my last straw was when he stole $20 from my purse. I brought him to the police station and explained to the cops that he decided he was going to start stealing stuff from people. They straightened him out real fast. He hasn’t stolen anything since then.

A power point? Seriously?! Why aren’t you connecting to her and communicating on a personal level?

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:flushed: I mean, can’t you just talk to your own kid? A PowerPoint and jumping straight to a counselor sounds crazy to me. She is your child. She isn’t a student in your classroom or a child in a detention center​:joy: I just don’t understand…do you not have a personal relationship with your daughter??

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Lady, you need counseling. Your child needs counseling. Also, some of these people in these comments need counseling.

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Because I have already raised 2 children and I’m raising a grandson now, I can give you a bit of advise.

  1. Stick to the punishment!!!
    If u said 30 days, then make it 30 days and not 1 day prior to that. This will teach ur child that you mean every word of what u said.
  2. Give her a chore list to complete every single day to your satisfaction.
    Doesn’t matter how many times they have to do it, make her do it right.
  3. No fast food or eating out.
    Your child is on punishment for STEALING and these are luxuries. It takes EARNED money to eatbout.
  4. Do not let her talk back to you or even be huffy w the decisions u make. BUT… Take the time to explain to her that YOU are in charge of decision making simply bc she has proven to make BAD Ones.
  5. Bust her ass as needed.
    A good ol fashioned ass whooping goes a loooong way. Nothing wrong w spanking a child.

Best of luck to you and your family.
I raised mine to KNOW that outside of our front door awaits a very cold and cruel world that is not forgiving nor do they care or lovecyoi…

A hairbrush of yours? I wouldnt class that as stealing. Maybe buy her one of her own

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This is yikes on bikes. Holy crap. You should just talk to her I can absolutely understand why she’s acting out if this is how you treat her with everything. Wowza.

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How does your child feel? All I read was “YOU”
“I had a meeting” “I called a therapist” “I’m embarrassed”
You should be. Your child has an issue and all you care about is how it makes YOU look as a parent.
Family therapy. Obviously your daughter is lacking something.

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Let. Her. Get. Caught. At. A. Store. Or. Call. Police and. Tell. Them. What. She. Is doing. Let. Them. Come out. And. Talk. To her. Don’t. Call. 911. Call. The. Outher. No. Take. Her. To. Where. They. Book. People

My child tried to steal cough drops when he was like 6 (my dad is a police ) I whooped him made him bring them back inside , tell them he was sorry & then took him up to the jail and told him if he was gonna play with the big boys he could stay with the big boys …. His dad & brother stole a lot growing up ( they have turned their lives around since then ) I was not even gonna let it go to that point. He hasn’t stolen since .

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Jesus, try acting like a parent and treating her like a child instead of a staff member you boss around!

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Counseling is your best bet.

I would start doing a shake down. Everytime she climbs in the car , I would make her empty pockets and bookbag. I wouldn’t do it in front of other people but if she’s caught with something , make her return it. Maybe once she sees that she will be caught Everytime she will stop. It doesn’t seem like she’s stealing because she’s having emotional problems. . Air pods and money ? She’s stealing it cause she doesn’t have it and wants it… oh and taking your make up and hair brushes is not stealing … That’s just part of being a girl mom. Maybe sit her down and ask her to ask you first .

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My son was a little younger, but doing basically the same thing. He was stealing things from school… dry erase markers, math counting cubes… stupid stuff. Stuff that had he asked for, we would have bought for him. The breaking point for him, was when he stole a lollipop from 7 Eleven, near our house. I knew most of the cashiers and the manager, because we were regulars there. I called in, told them what happened and took him back to the store to return the stolen lollipop and apologize. The manager explained to him that they should call the cops, but if he promised to never do it again, they wouldn’t. He promised. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn’t stolen anything since. When I was about that age, I attempted to steal a bottle of nail polish from WalMart. My mom caught me, took me to the police station, told them what happened and told them to arrest me. The officer played along. I was TERRIFIED. Needless to say, I haven’t stolen anything since that bottle of nail polish when I was 7! If your methods aren’t working, call your local police station and talk to an officer. Most of them would be more than willing to stop by the house and help out, seeing as how if a child has no consequences for their actions, they tend to grow up believing there are no consequences. Officers helping out at this age, tends to sway kids and prevent the police from encounters with them as they get older.

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You need to get a lock on your bedroom door and keep your things locked up

Counseling. My sister is a kleptomaniac and was stealing from her job, her friends, classmates, you name it. No amount of grounding, explaining why it was bad, etc made any difference—in which case counseling was very much needed.

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Is she deprived of things she truly wants as opposed to what you want her to have? Kids steal stuff because you won’t let them have it. Maybe start allowing her to earn what she wants through chores. She isn’t doing this in a vacuum. She has a reason. Find it.

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I took all of my child’s things out of their room except for their bedding and they weren’t allowed to go do anything and not leave my side because they can’t be trusted. We also started counseling

love on her try to find out what’s going on try to be more understanding and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about nobody is perfect ! good luck

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Spend more time with her.

Just so you know. I’m proud of you! Instead of trying to cover it up! Go Mom!!! Xoxoxo you’re doing great

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I always told my kids since they were little you steal you go to jail! Drive her to the police station she will be scared and won’t do it again. Make her return everything she stole and apologize she will be embarrassed.

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Talk to police station see about scare tactic and never tell her the truth you are being to easy on her

So when one of our kids had this issue we took them to the police dept, we didn’t do a full fear thing because we didn’t want our kids afraid of police. But we had a police officer (family friend) explain the consequences of stealing, showed her a jail cell, and explained that if you want something you need to ask or work for it so that you don’t get caught up in the wrong kind of lifestyle. He then had her ask for a stuffed animal and he gave it to her and said “see? That was super easy wasn’t it? Now I want you to practice doing that instead of just taking things you want. The worst thing you can be told is no, and then you know you just need to work hard to earn it yourself” and it seemed to work well for her. We haven’t had any issues with stealing since!

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Love bomb her
Take her out and spend quality time with her
Maybe an ice cream etc and listen to her
Not talk just listen x

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Did I just read that right…a PowerPoint :see_no_evil:

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Kayleigh Siobhan She had a meeting with a PowerPoint :flushed::flushed:

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So, to teach a child not to take things that aren’t theirs…you take their things, that are not yours? Someone make it make sense?

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My child when he was 6 stole a candy bar from a store. I walked him back in and he had to tell them what he had done. They winked at me and proceeded to tell him they needed to call the cops. Well that’s all it took. He told them he would never steal again and cried. I was very proud of him after that. He has turned into a great young man and tries helping everyone he can. He’s a political figure in our town and I couldn’t be prouder.

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A PowerPoint meeting?? Are you her employer or mother??

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I really hope u make her return the item’s and apologize

Looking for attention. She needs something from you.
She’s the squeaky wheel now.

This is a great start! See if this works before trying to do more! She should be able to see that you mean business and hopefully she realizes how wrong it is! You’re doing just fine. :black_heart::black_heart:

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I would put her in “jail”.
Take off the bedroom door and leave the mattress on the floor, maybe couple books too. Everything else, gone.

Find her most precious possessions and “steal” them. Don’t tell her straight away. Let her know how shitty it feels when something is stolen from her.
Then when possibly giving it back, have a good talk to her about it. If she does it again, police station n give her a good wake up call.

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My son was 6 stole from grocery store. His brother told on him . I took him back to the store spoke to manager let him talk to him then I called police and he went on a half hr ride w him …. Never stole again he’s 32 and still talks about it lol

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Dont banish her to her room. She is screaming for attention and there is an underlying problem that she does not know how to deal with or communicate to you.

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At 9 she is still a child a power point presentation is designed to talk AT adults not discuss openly, kindly. Just sit talk and hug, you’ll be surprised at what can make a child act this way

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If it was just one person, small silly things I’d suggest it’s a comfort issue. Odd but true. However it’s obviously a habit. Have you confronted her? What excuse did she give? I used to take tiny things from my Aunt’s house, nothing expensive or missed but even a hanky because it smelled of her. Made me feel safe. Close to her. It’s not always about the item

Sounds like you are doing a great job mom.

A power point though :joy:

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This MAY sound extreme… but I asked a family member that’s an officer to speak with my kid… NOT scare them, just tell them that stealing now leads to stealing later and you CAN and WILL get in trouble and it’s not a path they want to take. It was a kind and gentle talk. In my situation it was my kid just wanted other peoples stuff and didn’t want to put in the work and effort to EARN them on their own. (We let them ask for extra chores or something to earn money to buy special things) the talk worked and they confessed they didn’t realize it was REAL stealing… and I told them we don’t raise thieves in this home, it was unacceptable and they would have to earn their stuff back… no games or WiFi or TV. They did a report on the consequences of stealing. 9 is young and they don’t realize that that is SERIOUS…. And it involves lying and sneaking and we do NOT do that here.
Been right as rain since … thank goodness!!

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Sibongile Mulenga we are behind kuli mama power point

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