My MIL doesn't give my SO and I any privacy: Advice?

Tell her back off keep your private moments its your family not hers

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Sounds like she is controlling and thinks she is supposed to be first in everything.

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Just try to work it out if you can, even if you need to get a counselor involved. She won’t be around forever and you’ll regret it if things get worse. I’m not siding with her just hoping for a livable outcome for everyone. The more people who love a child the better.

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No offense but your way of thinking is literally the reason why families aren’t sticking to together anymore. No one wants to include grandparents in things. Or aunts and uncles and siblings … this is why less and less parents don’t have a “village” to help with raising our Kids and then we complain we are tired and worn out and don’t have help. Because too many moms are pushing away the very love and help right in front of them. Don’t take this as an attack. I encourage you to embrace that. I love my when mil calls me asking me how a doctors appointment went. I think it’s more
Important than me and my husbands privacy. Let her in and include her all the time. It does take a village to raise our kids.

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She’s excited and trying to be a part of it. Family is priceless. I wish my in-laws wanted to be that involved. Stop complaining and imbrace it

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good luck, time to talk to your hubby… cuz at the hospital on your due date things are going to get worst if you don’t set boundaries now.

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I would have a very frank conversation with her about boundaries or you’re going to have problems when the baby is born

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You understand your side. Try understanding her. Then understand she will be an emergency back up, baby sitter, your child’s favorite,ECT. Meet somewhere in the middle
A grandparent is a wonderful thing to have. BUT… Some can be overwhelming. Think about it.

You have to have balance in the situation. My MIL shouted our news of grandbabies from the roof tops once we told her. As a 2 kiddos mom its happened both times. Just give her information whenever you’re ready. Cuz she cant have your private moments unless you give them to her. Plus she’s a mom and can remember keeping those days special, so let her be mad.

Straight up tell her back tf up sometimes its gotta be heard my oldest sons dads family was horrible like that. But I voiced my reason they backed up

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She already went through her “time” with children. Now it’s yours. Do it how you want because you’ll never get that first child experience back.

Wow… I really wanted to dislike grandma but turns out, it’s really more you that’s the problem.

My son had the pleasure of being loved by grandparents for part of his life. I am so sad my daughter will never know that kind of love.

Set the boundaries now, make sure your husband knows what you expect and ask him to convey that to his mom as a unified decision.
If nothing changes delivery day will only be worst so be sure to clarify to the nurses who you would like to come to your room as well as when.
Yes, she is allowed to be excited, but you also need space and time to work with the emotional things that happen with each step of pregnancy.
Take time to process and live in the moment. Grandma can wait for updates.

It’s one more person that loves your child this is NERVER a bad thing. I understand your frustration. It’s a pandemic she probably doesn’t have much else to be excited about and there’s probably a lot of time to sit around and think about what’s up with the baby and just wanting something happy to put her energy into.

“Any Privacy “ but only referencing one detail of your life which is a grandchild so It’s hard to comment . Is she intrusive on other aspects of your life ? And this is just the most recent ?
If not I would pick your battles but also have your SO discuss boundaries with her if he chooses to . It’s his mother and you have to tread lightly here or you may push him away in the long run .

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I think shes just really excited and just be a part of everything. U just need to have a chat with her to clear the air.

You’ll never change her behavior. You can only change how you guys interact with her.

Sounds like this is who she is and you signed on for a lifetime commitment with someone whose family style clashes with your preferences. You’ll both have to bend a little and find peace in the middle.

Stand up for yourself if you’ve both made a decision to do something then it’s not for her to decide and something needs to be said to her

Just lost my mother in law and realized how much she meant to me

I assume dad is a mommas boy and if so i feel sorry for you after baby is born.

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Believe me, you will want her to be there after your baby is born. It might be a pain in the ass for u now, but I’m telling you. She will be your saving grace sometimes

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Don’t tell her about appointment she can’t call yea then but don’t push her away either yea might need her when the baby comes

My mother in law does t like me an is mad we are having a 4th kid. She said we acted like 2 teenagers an were irrispsibile an shldnt b having another kid an esp in the middle of a pandemic an doesnt ask about the baby me or the pregnancy an doesnt speak to me an I’ve been with her so. Since 2002

Be happy your mother in law isn’t like mine and threatens to call cps because you spank your kids and calls you a ugly c**t just because she doesn’t like you and you try to get your husband away from being a mama’s boy so you have all of his attention

Does your partner feel the same way about her mother? If so she needs to tell her to back off!

I know the feeling hun. My mother in law wasn’t that bad but she losted pics of my daughter before I got the chance to and I was pissed

Calling to remind you she wants to know about the doctors appointment doesn’t feel like a big deal to me. She didn’t demand she be the one to go, or that you facetime her during the appointments.

She’s allowed to be disappointed she can’t scream it from the rooftops, just like you’re entitled to feel like she’s not giving you privacy.

If you don’t want her inquiring about things don’t give her every little detail. She can be upset about it not being on fb, that’s her right to feel however she wants. Doesn’t mean she is just putting it on Facebook instead. She’s respecting your privacy by not doing these things, everything else is just her expressing her feelings, and opinion. How you feel about that is your own issue.

Also, your comment about this not even being her first grandchild is kind of weird. If you were to try for baby number 2 and conceive, will you not be excited about it because you already had one?

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Ummm be an adult and talk to her about it. If nothing changes then silence your phones

I get she is excited.
But sweetie, set boundaries now. It’ll be harder after baby gets here.

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You never mentioned your mom? Just complained about the mil. Do you share these things with your mother? I cant imagine not being able to share these things with my daughter (or sons for that matter). <3 In the end, you are the mother and its your choice!! <3 Just try to put yourself in her place.

There’s a difference between being wanting to be included and being intrusive.

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Tell her and have your other half start the conversation. And follow through.it won’t be easy but you have to do it together.

Your pregnancy hormones are making you weird.

How does your partner feel? Does he mind? If not then be careful he might start to think you don’t like her which would not end well.

Shouldn’t your partner be the one to tell their mother to back off? Usually, according to Dr. Phil, each person kind of makes sure their side of the family knows and follows your family’s rules. Good luck…

Wow
Do you want her to not care?

Do you involve your own mother? Or anyone?

This is all so trivial compared to the journey we have all faced in 2020…embrace family and learn to communicate…you want “privacy” but yet came to social media regarding an issue with your MIL about her wanting to post on fb…hypocrisy at its finest! :woman_facepalming:t2:

Punch her in the face and tell her it’s your life and butt out. I wouldn’t even tell her if the baby’s a boy or girl. Make her wait along with everyone else.

Why do boomers always side with the people not respecting other people’s autonomy?

Sounds like she is super excited! I would be happy as can be! Let her enjoy it with you :heart: tomorrow is never promised.

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She just excited be happy she could be I dont care grandma

Sounds like you dont live close to her at all? I’m guessing this is her way of feeling involved

:thinking::thinking: maybe dont answer your phone?? If she is in a different time zone, its not that hard to get privacy. :woman_facepalming::raising_hand_woman:

The mil sounds like helicopter mom to me.

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Be glad she cares that much about your kids is all I’ll say

Choose your battles but always win them

:woman_shrugging: let her be mad then and go on your merry way.

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Your SO will have to handle it his family

She just wants to share in all the firsts

She is excited about the baby, give her a break and quit sniveling.

Kinda funny how family can surprise you constantly. It’s nice she is excited, but it’s you first and you get to make the rules! Sounds like it may play out to be someone getting her feelings hurt. I hope she doesnt get too salty. Life is short!

Tell her if she wants to be apart of your family’s life she needs to respect your family’s boundaries.

She sounds like a typical Mom/Grandma to me.

Just dobt tell her. Tell her you were busy and forgot to call her lol

Hopefully she keeps this energy when she needs a sitter!! You would probably be whining if grandma didn’t bother to ask anything about the baby!! Hopefully grandma gets the hint and just lets you be, then you can be the one to tell your child you are the reason grandma isn’t around!!

She would want to have her around so when you want private time you call her.

Stop answering her calls? Lol

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My MIL was like this. They are excited, but selfish and used to being the boss of their son. You have to have a hard talk with her. Be firm in wanting your privacy. You’re a friend ass woman. And need to be able to raise your child in peace without her overstepping boundaries. You think she’s annoying now? Wait til the baby gets here.
And have your husband grow a pair and ask her to back off nicely. If she doesn’t then stop all communication. I had to do that for 6 years before my MIL decided to straighten up and stop the threats. But hopefully your situation is a lot easier.

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I wish my mum was as bothered :confused:

Ummmm is she expecting to be in the delivery room too??? :flushed::flushed::flushed:

She is the grandma and let her enjoy. It is your baby and you will raise her or him, but let in on some stuff.

Don’t reveal! Make em wait! God’s greatest surprise can wait! Don’t tell her your business. She’s in a different time zone. You have so much control. Only share what you want her to know.

Dapat siguro indi lang ang soon to be husband and wife ang may seminar, dapat kasama din ang kanilang magulang. Lalo na yung first time magka manugang. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

She’s invasive and tell her to kiss your Ass and mind her business and Respect yours.

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Children turn into parents… Parents turn into grandparents/ in-laws. And karma is a real thing. Be careful how how you treat people who genuinely care for you because in a blink of an eye you too will be a mil/grandma.
#kindnessmatters

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Private gender reveal :joy:

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The best thing to do here is to keep private with your partner the things that you feel are between the pair off you. You can always phone her later so you don’t feel pressured and just say you wanted that initial private moment to yourselfs. That way MIL won’t be offended because she wouldn’t of known in the first place and if she takes offence just say we didn’t mean to upset you but as a couple we really need these private moments in our relationship. Social media is a different kettle of fish and that is your choice not hers. Infact I’m not a lover of disclosure on social media about children but that is a parents choice not a grandparents choice and I wouldn’t interfere in either. As far as the gender reveal goes, which is the most important thing here, as a mother of two sons and a daughter, I would be extremely upset if someone found out about the sex of my grandchild before me and the other MIL. Although sometimes your that excited you just want to run down the street telling anyone who wants to know :rofl:. But choosing to tell others before the inlaws on both sides is a sure way to push grandmas nose out. We are not entitled to be first but it’s a little offering to say thank you for the amount of love, gifts, and care that will come your childs way through a grandparents dedication. No one else will protect your child like a grandparent. I understand that daughters tend to rush to they own mothers first and that’s perfectly acceptable, but the MIL should be second and if you go in separate rooms you could make those calls at the same time like my daughter did. I try to make sure my daughters mother in law is never left out of anything, including birthing plans and such. We even shared the birth of her fist child together. If I know then she should know as we have equal rights and I would like to think she respected me that way as well. My daughters MIL is a good caring woman that dotes on my three grandsons and gives unconditionally to those boys. She is very fortunate to have such wonderful inlaws. Please be open minded and don’t push her out even though you might not like her. Caring Grandparents are hard to come by and one day you might be in need of the woman you are disrespecting on social media. If your not happy have the backbone to talk to her, she might just respect you more, and remember your child has a right to good grandparents

Personally, as an older adult, I have to side with your partner’s mom. She wants to be included in the festive occasion. You should be very thankful that she feels this way. Many others could care less. Count your blessings.

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I’d take your mother in law in a heart beat :woman_shrugging: she’s not doing anything over the top for me… she’s excited and wants to be in your life… if you get tired of her send her my way!!

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I use to feel that way about pregnancy. I got annoyed with the constant questions from everyone and the opinions. I even got annoyed at my mom wanting to go to every ultrasound that I had until my twins died at 24 weeks and I was alone in that office. A lot of my perspective has changed on pregnancy because of it and I really just learned that my mom was excited. They were her first grandchildren. Sure, this is personally your and your husband’s baby, but as grandparents, they also get excited. I let my mom into both my other pregnancies and welcomed all the questions and comments because I realized how important it was for all of us. One day, we will be the grandparents hoping to be involved with our grandchildren.

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first off how involved does your partner want his mam… that is the main issue first if he is telling her and wants to share this exciting experience with his mam then he has every right to, i dont really see how asking about scans is intrusive? every single person i knew asked me about mine. my mam was over the top but it was pure love. maybe mention you want some private moments but do not push her out completely you never know when you will need your families to help. i ended up bedbound my mother had to pretty much raise my child for the first year of my life, if id have pushed her away no one would have been there that could care for my child he would have been temporarily taken. Grandma’s are important and will be a huge part of your childs life and memories if you allow it. simply keep things to yourself you dont want to share but generally the things you are told in a scan are the things people who love that child already want to know a scan is never about gender unless you pay for a private app then its liturally to male sure your child is growing healthy and i know i will 100% want to know if my sons baby is healthy and growing strong.

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You sound like the DIL from hell!!! I wish my children’s grandmother had a chance to be involved before she passed!!! I pray my sons find more family oriented women than your husband did!

She sounds like she’s excited and just cares. Be grateful to have her.
You could have a mil like mine that is not a nice person at all . Knows nothing about her son let alone me or our son but knows everything!! Visits 2 x a year but things shes the best grandma in the world. Shes gross.

Be grateful… I have NOBODY. Literally did an entire pregnancy with people pushing for me to abort or adopt out. I would feel really bless to have someone involved. count ur blessings.

The mother in law needs to realize she’ll get information as the daughter in law and son want to give it to her. They also need to set boundaries for when the baby arrives like pictures on social media, dropping by unexpectedly, etc. some people are great with boundaries (great relationships) and others just don’t give a crap about them (bad relationship)

Don’t shame her for being excited. But also if it’s really a big deal talk to her about it.

Sounds like you’re having lots of private moments. Be glad your partner’s mother is interested. Lots of kids don’t have relationships with their grandparents.

Shoot her. Be done with her.

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Keep things to yourself…and only share what you feel like…

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Your mum in law must be a dot com n ignorant

Damn, my own mother doesn’t put in this much effort. Focus on the positives rather than the negative. She is excited and wanting to share something beautiful with you during an absolutely shit year.

You’re being ridiculous

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I wish my MIL or even Mom gave a crap about my kids so :woman_shrugging:t3:

Look i usually show support with post like these because I went through HELL with my inlaws (second marriage so I’ve been through this more than once) be happy she cares. Be happy she is there. She won’t be there all the time and she at least cares. Maybe try to actually talk to her. Get to know her and build a relationship. Shit, you could need help tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to count on her. Just being honest and saying if YOU have an issue it could drive a wedge in your marriage, that’s your partners parents and he must care about her. Be glad she is trying because she could care less and when you truly wish you have family she could be gone. I CHOOSE to not be involved with my inlaws because of so much petty shit that has happened. If we all acted like adults we would of had an amazing relationship. Just saying… bitch gotta die sometime but why not enjoy the extra family you signed up for. It doesn’t sound like anything she is doing is really bad. She is trying to connect. Grow up. How would you feel if your kids felt this way about you? Yeah yeah let me guess… YOU won’t? Right… my mother who is a hippy at heart and always gets along with everyone had trouble adjusting to my brothers getting married and she would call me crying saying the way she felt was wrong because she knows my brothers are happy. Its a mom thing, and when you have sons you will understand. So move on and try. Shit… how hard is it to have someone care about you… she called not like she showed up, in your room at night while your trying to fuck her son.

RUnnnnnnnnnn girl, Ruunnnnnnnnnnn!

He needs to talk to her

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She’s just excited, give her a break cuz I promise you when baby comes,your going to want her around! Relax, enjoy it… Congratulations :blush:

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Remember this when you want grandma to take the child because you and SO need a break…

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Lol tell her eff off and tell your partner if they want to stay your partner they better put their mother in her damn place…which is in the backseat, not up front. I’d tell her too damn bad. Not your baby not your business.

Set boundaries ASAP, this isn’t a privacy issue anymore. If you let her continue like this it will cause even more resentment and things could blow up.

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Stop telling her your business. Just because she calls doesn’t mean you gotta answer. Start setting your OWN boundries

I mean it could be worse… my mil is a crazy old racist white lady who literally said “oh well… life happens” when she found out I was pregnant.
I’ve never wanted to punch someone soooooo much in my entire life

I would tell her there’s something’s you want to keep private, like the doctor appointment. She doesn’t need to know every single thing in my opinion. There are things that my boyfriend and I keep private and don’t tell anyone about when it comes to our son. My son’s grandparents are excited about him, but they respect our boundaries and they don’t want to know every single detail either. Just talk to her saying she doesn’t need to know everything.

My ex husband passed away a year ago a week before Christmas. His mother … my ex mother in law messaged my daughters a couple of weeks ago letting them know they were no longer welcome to come to any of “their family” events. Let that sink in and don’t take things for granted. She might wake up one day and change

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Coming from a grandmas point of view, it sounds like she’s just excited about her grand baby and you should be
Happy that she’s so excited about this grand baby even if it’s not her 1st one. Be thankful that your child has a grandma who cares, my kids grandma ( my mom) died ( at 53)when they were two and 5, let that sink in!

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Don’t tell her anything anymore

Don’t let it bother you. Just roll your eyes and ignore it. People like this are very aggravating but they are not worth stressing over. Just keep doing what you are doing and let her shit go in one ear and out the other.

id be happy if my kids had grandparents 🤦

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I understand what your saying, but the way it sounds it just seems like she is excited and wants to play a part in it! Try to look at it this way, a lot of grandparents are so absent in their lives, at least yours wants to be there!

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